


OverChat Result: Failure

by Kokorokirei



Series: Chat Fiction [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: BACK ON MY BULLSHIT, F/F, F/M, Group chat, I really do, I’m sorry for this, Language, M/M, Moira gets the brunt of the fuckery, Oh I am here, Ooc but I promise it’s worth it, Prepare for fuckery, So does satya, Sombra ruins everything, Sometimes jack, They are just easy to fuck with, group text, i love them, just read if you want a chuckle or giggle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:50:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 102,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokorokirei/pseuds/Kokorokirei
Summary: Jack makes a group chat. Secrets are revealed. Never again.Oh wait, Jack gave it a second chance. Maybe it’ll work out?





	1. Result: Failure

**Author's Note:**

> Grimlockprime222 inspired me. Check out his Overwatch group chat, he does a better job than me.

**Jack created a group chat.**

 

**Jack added Angela, Fareeha, Hana, Lena, Genji, Lúcio, Satya, Hanzo, Jesse, Winston, Reinhardt, Torbjörn, Ana, Mei, Brigitte, Zarya, and Bastion to the group.**

 

**Jack** : Hey, guys. Use this chat for updates with the missions.

 

**Hana** : This is a horrible idea.

 

**Lena** : Ooooo, I love group chats.

 

**Mei** : I have never been in a group chat. I’m so excited. :)

 

**Jack changed the group name to “OVERWATCH”**

 

**Jack** : this is only for classified updates and professional messaging

 

**Satya** : What?

 

**Hana** : Wow, Satya actually responds to texts.

 

**Genji** : understood, Soldier 76

 

**Hanzo** : This is ridiculous 

 

**Jesse** : It can’t be that bad darling.

 

**Hanzo** : Give it 10 minutes

 

**Hana changed her name to “D.Va”**

 

**Lena changed her name to “Tracer”**

 

**Satya left “OVERWATCH” group chat** .

 

**Jack** : SYMMETRA YOU GET BACK HERE!

 

**Hanzo** : It’s already failing.

 

**D.Va** : and she’s gone.

 

**Brigitte** : HI GUYS!

 

**D.Va** : hi Brigitte~

 

**Tracer** : Ooooo Hana, flirting much?

 

**Lúcio** : Hana and Brigitte~ Sitting in a tree

 

**Tracer** : K-I-S-S-I-N-G~

 

**D.Va** : STFU I WAS JUST SAYING HI

 

**Brigitte** : Do you guys want to see a picture of my cats?

 

**Mei** : Yes please!

 

**Tracer** : Sure.

 

**Lúcio** : I love cats!

 

**Jack** : Guys...stop. This is not a group chat for this kind of thing.

 

**Brigitte** : *Sends photo of cats*

 

**Mei** : Awwww

 

**Reinhardt** : AH I SEE PEANUT HAS GROWN UP WONDERFULLY

 

**Tracer** : So cute!

 

**Jesse** : I like the black one, he has a smug look. Reminds me of my darling 

 

**Hanzo** : That was sweet of you to say, Jesse.

 

**Genji** : Ew.

 

**Brigitte** : That’s shadow, he’s a timid one

 

**Jack** : Guys….

 

**Ana** : How adorable.

 

**D.Va** : Ana? You can text?

 

**Ana** : Much better than Reinhardt. I’m teaching him right now.

 

**Reinhardt** : TEXTING IS HARD AND THE LETTERS ARE SMALL

 

**Winston** : I AGREE THAT IS WHY I DONT TEXT ON MY PHONE

 

**Torbjörn** : TRY DOING IT WITH ONE HAND

 

**Tracer** : Ana, you might have to teach Reinhardt how to not press the cap-lock

 

**Ana** : Agreed :))))

 

**D.Va** : Awwww, she can emote. Lol

 

**Ana** : lol 2 u 2, Hana.

 

**Jack** : I’m serious, please stop.

 

**Angela** : I’m gone for five minutes and I get like 20 texts from this…

 

**Bastion** : :)

 

**D.Va** : WTF, Bastion can text?

 

**Lúcio** : Yeah, I’m watching him right now. 

 

**Bastion** : 11001110001100011010101 :)

 

**Tracer** : um…..

 

**Genji** : Angela, where have you been? I need healing.

 

**Angela** : Taking a nap :(

 

**Tracer** : Why the sad emoji?

 

**Mei** : cuz a bitch is sleepy

 

**Angela** : AAAAAAYYYYYYY, THAT’S RIGHT MEI

 

**Jack** : ANGELA!

**Jack** : I needed you to be the voice of reason

 

**Angela** : lol, not my problem.

 

**D.Va** : Sleepy Mercy is a sassy mercy

 

**Ana** : lol to all

 

**Tracer** : Ana...do you know what lol means?

 

**Ana** : Lots of love :)

 

**Mei** : ooohhh…….um….

 

**Hanzo** : Well that explains why you put lol on my post about my broken leg

 

**Genji** : and my post about my poem that WAS SAD AND EMOTIONAL

 

**Jesse** : You’re always sad and emotional

 

**Angela** : Like...always…

 

**Zarya** : …..I don’t want to be in group chat with Omnics

 

**Zarya left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Genji** : I’m not an omnic!!!

 

**Jack** : ZARYA COME BACK THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE AN OFFICIAL GROUP CHAT

 

**Tracer** : she’s gone, jack. She can’t see this.

 

**Jack** : god damn it.

 

**Brigitte** : GUYS!

 

**D.Va** : Yesh? 

 

**Tracer** : oh now you text back, Hana

 

**D.Va** : I was talking to someone, Lena, chill your butt. I was gone for like a minute

 

**Lúcio** : talking to Brigitte?

 

**Brigitte** : no, hana never texts me :(

 

**Tracer** : OMG HANA

 

**D.Va** : WHAT?

 

**Mei** : Brigitte, what were you going to say?

 

**Brigitte** : Oh yeah. CASPER! is pregnant. It’s the Maine Coone one

 

**D.Va** : Congrats!

 

**Tracer** : YAY

 

**Lúcio** : Awwww

 

**Ana** : LOL

 

**Tracer** : Ana, lol means laugh out loud

 

**Ana** : lots of love then

 

**Angela** : yay :)

**Angela** : “I’ll let you have a taste of this Swiss ass,” I said, taking off my shirt. My breast popped out, jiggling in the open air.

 

**Genji** : what?

 

**Tracer** : ….omg

 

**D.Va** : heeeeyyyyy Angela, who are you texting?

 

**Angela** : fuck…um...please ignore that last one

 

**Fareeha** : hey guys, sorry im late. I was working out. So this the group chat?

 

**Lúcio** : it’s totally Fareeha.

 

**D.Va** : Fareeha and Angela sitting in a tree~

 

**Tracer** : f-u-c-k-i-n-g

 

**Angela** : pls stop

 

**Fareeha** : woah, Angela. What was that last text for?

 

**Genji** : there’s quotation marks! She’s writing a story.

 

**Angela** : No i am not stfu genji before I tear you apart

 

**Ana** : she’s literally typing something on her laptop

 

**Angela** : I GOT CONFUSED OKAY 

 

**Jack** : you can text on a laptop?

 

**Ana** : Yes jack, she can do that

 

**D.Va** : So what else does it say?

 

**Tracer** : Tell us!

 

**Ana** : She won’t let me near it.

 

**D.Va** : Chase her down!

 

**Ana** : on it

 

**XxxShadowxxx** : perhaps I can help?

 

**Jack** : WE HAVE BEEN BREACHED

 

**D.Va** : Relax, it’s just Sombra.

 

**Tracer** : HOW  DO YOU KNOW?

 

**Lúcio** : HANA U BETTER EXPLAIN

 

**D.Va** : SHIT NO WAIT

 

**XxxShadowxxx** changed it’s name to “Sombra”

 

**Sombra** : Waz good guys?

 

**D.Va** : I can hear Jack losing his shit

 

**Tracer** : Hana don’t evade the question

 

**Sombra** : This chat is hilarious. I’m totes going to hack into the doctors laptop

 

**Tracer** : continue…..

 

**Angela** : FUCK NO FUCK OFF!

 

**Sombra** : Too late :)

 

**Angela** : YOU ARE HACKING INTO OVERWATCH CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. WE WILL ARREST YOU FOR THIS!

 

**Jack** : oh now you want to make this chat official? Okay...I see you’re in charge here appara-fucking-lee

 

**Sombra** : Here it is: “I got on my knees and wagged my rear like a dog. I barked once. Then twice.”

 

**Angela** : STOP OMFG STOP!

 

**Genji** : Oooooo is it about me?

 

 **Hanzo** : In your wildest wet dreams, little shit.

 

 **Genji** : fuck you bro

 

**Sombra** : “A hand spanked my ass and I moaned. I purred, looking over my shoulder. I shake my rump.”

 

**Jesse** : Genji, it’s probably about Fareeha.

 

**Fareeha** : What?

 

**Angela** : FAREEHA PLEASE GET OUT OF THE GROUP CHAT NOOOOOWWWWW

 

**Genji** : Fareeha stay.

 

**Fareeha** : um…

 

**Sombra** : “I wanted to ravish her. She’s a Goddess. She’s so pure and innocent. My green dragon can not bear it any longer.”

 

**Angela** : That’s not mine….

 

**Genji** : SHIT FUCK SOMBRA

 

**Hanzo** : ...

 

**Jesse** : Darling, you should write fanfiction about us!

 

**Hanzo** : No.

 

**Fareeha** : HAHAHAHAH GENJI YOU DUMB FUCK YOU JUST OUTED YOURSELF

 

**Sombra** : “I am the jackal. I would never disobey my Goddess. I will lay on the ground for her to step on me.”

 

**Ana** : Oh that is so Fareeha’s story.

 

**Fareeha** : MOM!!

 

**Tracer** : You two are both idiots

 

**Sombra** : “Widowmaker has the greatest ass in the world.” That was sent from Lena to Emily.

 

**Tracer** : …. You have no proof

 

**Sombra** : *sends picture of a screenshot of a conversation between Emily and Lena*

 

**Tracer** : CAN WE KICK HER OUT ALREADY?

 

**D.Va** : This is hilarious to read.

 

**Angela** : so...Fareeha…

 

**Fareeha** : yes...Angela?

 

**Angela** : can we talk...in my office?

 

**Genji** : what about me?

 

**Angela** : Fuck off genji….

 

**Genji** : okaayyyy :((((

 

**Jesse** : Angela, he’s going to write sappy poems now

 

**Angela** : not my problem

 

**D.Va** : ooooo they totally going to fuuuuck

 

**Tracer** : Can you get Sombra to leave!?

 

**D.Va** : even if i tell her, she’s still going to do what she wants

 

**Sombra added Widowmaker to “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Tracer** : WTFFFFF

 

**Widowmaker** : so i was told that i have the greatest ass in the world

 

**Jack** : fuck it. I’m done with this group chat

 

**Jack has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Widowmaker** : bc i sure do have the greatest ass in the world

 

**D.Va** : i am dying ahahahah

 

**Tracer** : fuuuuuuuck

 

**Bastion** : 10001101010111000101010

 

**Lúcio** : Bastion, we don’t understand you…

 

**Bastion** : :(

 

**Bastion has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Lúcio** : no wait thats not what i meant :(

 

**Mei** : so what did i miss?

 

**D.Va** : Sombra hacked the chat. Angela writes smutty porn about doing it with fareeha where she is a dog. Genji and Fareeha apparently writes too. Tracer loves Widowmaker’s ass.

 

**Mei** : Okay no bye, im out

 

**Mei has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

 **Hanzo** : Me too.

 

**Hanzo has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Jesse** : awww

 

**Jesse has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

 **Genji** : I’ll go write my fanfiction~~~

 

**Genji has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**D.Va** : awww, everyone is leaving….

 

**Reinhardt has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Torbjörn has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Winston has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Lúcio** : okay this is sad…

 

**Lúcio has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Ana** : I’m still here :)

 

**Tracer** : why is everyone here leaving but not sombra and Widowmaker!!!

 

**D.Va** : so ana, what are Fareeha and Angela doing?

 

**Ana** : They are making a lot of noise…

 

**D.Va** : you can just say they are fucking

 

**Ana** : language hana

 

**D.Va** : REALLLYYY? ANA? REAAALLLYY???

 

**Tracer** : ARE WE SERIOUSLY NOT CONCERN ABOUT WIDOWMAKER AND SOMBRA BEING HERE???? 

 

**D.Va** : Lena relax...geez

 

**Widowmaker** : yeah, im just bored

 

**Sombra** : kinda sad that everyone is gone. No one to expose

**Sombra** : except you...Lena

 

**Tracer** : ….

 

**Tracer has left “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Sombra** : hahahah what a pussy

 

**D.Va** :  you are what you eat

 

**Sombra** : Niiiiiccceeee

 

**Brigitte** : what in the world happen here while i was gone?

 

**D.Va** : heeyyyy

 

**Sombra** : is this the girl you talk to me about?

 

**Brigitte** : um...why is there a talon agent here?

 

**D.Va** : she’s my gf

 

**Widowmaker** : wait what?

 

**Sombra** : oh yea, forgot to tell you

 

**Brigitte** : so...you don’t like me?

 

**D.Va** : no i do

 

**Sombra** : she has a cat outfit that she always wanted to show you

 

**Widowmaker** : I’m done…

 

**Widowmaker left the “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Brigitte** : sooooooo

 

**D.Va** : lets make another chat and leave this one

 

**D.Va left the “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Sombra left the “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Brigitte left the “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Fareeha** : so...is everyone gone?

 

**Angela** : it seems like it?

 

**Fareeha** : hahah lets dirty talk

 

**Angela** : heheh, we are right next to each other

 

**Fareeha** : isn’t it more exciting?

 

**Ana** : hey guys? How are you two?

 

**Fareeha left the “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Angela left the “OVERWATCH” group chat**

 

**Ana** : lol

  
  
  
  



	2. Satya: Can Not Compute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so I might continue this a bit longer. Here yah go! This takes place months after the first chapter.

**Jack created a group chat.** **  
** **  
** **Jack added Angela, Fareeha, Hana, Lena, Genji, Lúcio, Satya, Hanzo, Jesse, Winston, Reinhardt, Torbjörn, Ana, Mei, Brigitte, Zarya, and Bastion to the group.** **  
** **  
** **Jack named group chat as “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Jack:** Don’t you dare leave, @Satya!

 

 **Satya:** Don’t tell me what to do.

 

 **Jack:** Can you just stay for the updates and massaging? This chat will be useful for important and quick messages during missions.

 

 **Satya:** No.

 

 **Jack:** Please.

 

 **Satya:** No, I do not want to be in a group with these things that are unworthy for the true reality.

 

 **Lena:** That made no sense.

 

 **Hana:** Lol, what?

 

 **Lúcio:** Fucking rude little blue bitch.

 

 **Ana:** Language...Lúcio…

 

 **Satya:** I will not respond to your empty vulgar words.

 

 **Lúcio:** Fuck you then.

 

 **Hana:** Goodness….

 

 **Lena:** You two never really got along in the first place.

 

 **Hana:** This is the most I have heard Satya speak, and this is including in-person conversations.

 

 **Angela:** Jack, why are you starting this up again? The first attempt ended so badly.

 

 **Fareeha:** But it worked out for some of us. ;)

 

 **Angela:** It sure did~

 

 **Genji:** @Angela @Fareeha I wrote a pharmercy fanfic. Wanna read?

 

 **Hanzo:** What the actual fuck, Genji?

 

 **Angela:** Aw, sure I’ll read it.

 

 **Fareeha:** Sure, send the link bud.

 

 **Genji: *texts link*** It’s about 1.5k words and I wrote it up in an hour.

 **Genji:** :)

 

 **Angela:** Thanks, Genji. :)

 

 **Fareeha:** You know I love your writing!

 

 **Genji:** Thanks! :)

 

 **Ana:** I’m glad you three are getting along~

 

 **Satya:** You’re going to allow this…?

 

 **Jack:** You know, I don’t care. This is bonding. Team bonding. I was too strict in the last chat, so if I let you guys be more free to message on here, perhaps it’ll work out great.

 

 **Satya:**...No.

 

**Jack secured Satya to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Satya:** What...did you do?

 

 **Hanzo:** Jack, you’re being quite persistent with this chat attempt…

 

 **Jack:** You can’t leave the chat, Satya.

 

 **Satya:** I can’t figure out what you did...

 

 **Jesse:** Woah, when did Jack get so good at this stuff?

 

 **Jack:** I had Sombra teach me a little something or two.

 

 **Satya:** You’re working with the enemy?

 

 **Lúcio:** Literally my life, every single day, working in Overwatch with you, blue balls.

 

 **Satya:** …

 

 **Mei:** Hello, all. It has been months since the last group chat. Why the attempt again?

 

 **Satya:** Excuse me, @Jack, why are you working with the enemy?

 

 **Jack:** Why not? Talon isn’t fighting us as much.

 

 **Sombra:** That’s because we are training the new recruits and it’s been hard getting use to one of the latest ones.

 

 **Jack:** Hello, Sombra. How are you?

 

 **Sombra:** I’m doing well. :)

 

 **Zarya:** Ew

 

**Zarya left group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Jack added Zarya to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

**Jack secured Zarya to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Zarya:** Fuck you.

 

 **Jesse:** I am blown away. Who is this new Jack?

 

 **Jack:** This new me is someone who will remain calm and accepting.

 

 **Hana:** This is just odd…

 **Hana:** @Sombra, what did you do to dad76?

 

 **Sombra:** You would be quite amazed at what new knowledge can help change someone’s perspective.

 

 **Jack:** I turned over a new leaf.

 

 **Hanzo:** You just gave him the power to secure people to this chat…

 

 **Sombra:** I just taught him. He has the power to do whatever he wants with the knowledge.

 

 **Satya:** Again, why is Sombra even here? She’s the enemy!

 

 **Hana:** She’s my gf.

 

 **Satya:** What?

 

 **Lúcio:** Girlfriend, dumbass.

 

 **Satya:** I get that you still hold resentment towards me from my past affiliations but that was uncalled for…

 

 **Jesse:** DUDE, she wasn’t added to the chat? She hacked her way in here?

 

 **Sombra:** That’s my job.

 

 **Jesse:** AWESOME

 

 **Mei:** I like her. She seems fun.

 

 **Sombra:** Aw, thanks.

 

 **Satya:** I can not believe this. Let me leave…

 

 **Ana:** We should add Zenyatta.

 

 **Jack:** I asked Brigitte and Torbjörn to try and install a program in him so he can text in the chat.

 

 **Brigitte:** It’s working out. We might need a few more days to make sure it doesn’t cause bugs to his system.

 **Brigitte:** Also we are working on a translator for Bastion.

 

 **Bastion:** :)

 

 **Jesse:** There, just communicate like that. He’s happy.

 

 **Hana:** So cute!

 

 **Hanzo:** It’s amazing how much we matured in these few months from the last failed chat.

 

 **Angela:** @Genji Fareeha and I finished it. It was lovely.

 

 **Fareeha:** I love the part that we held hands with the setting sun. Pure poetry.

 

 **Genji:** Thank you!

 **Genji:** The rest of you guys are more than welcome to read!

 

 **Jesse:** Sure.

 

 **Lena:** Yay!

 

 **Mei:** I already read it. You have such a way with words, Genji.

 

 **Genji:** Thank you!

 

 **Hanzo:** Do you guys not find it weird that my brother is writing fanfiction about a woman he was rejected by? And shipping her with the woman that she has feelings for?

 

 **Angela:** You’re making it weird.

 

 **Fareeha:** Genji is actually a really great writer.

 

 **Genji:** They support me. Unlike you.

 

 **Hanzo:** Oh my god…

 

 **Jesse:** Darling, he’s actually a really good writer.

 

 **Hanzo:** Okay?

 

 **Jesse:** @Genji you should write fanfiction about us.

 

 **Genji:** I would love to write a fluffy fanfiction for you two.

 

 **Hanzo:** Please don’t…

 

 **Jack:** Hate to ruin the good vibes, but we have a mission in 10 minutes.

 

 **Ana:** Okie.

 

 **Jesse:** Alrighty.

 

 **Genji:** Understood.

 

 **Mei:** Wow, I actually have confidence in this chat and how well it’ll bring us together.

 

 **Angela:** I bet you 20 dollars that Satya will fuck it up.

 

 **Satya:** Wow...

 

 **Fareeha:** Place your bets, everyone.

 

 **Jack:** Yeah, Satya will fuck it up. 20 bucks.

 

 **Lúcio:** 100 bucks on the walking blue geometry

 

 **Hana:** lol what??

 **Hana:** Sure, Satya seems to be already triggered by being secured in the chat. 5 bucks.

 

 **Jesse:** 10

 

 **Hanzo:** 15

 

 **Genji:** 10

 

 **Brigitte:** 10

 

 **Sombra:** 10

 

 **Satya:** Stop it.

 

XXX

 

 **Satya:** LÚCIO STOP PUSHING ME OFF THE PAYLOAD! I AM TRYING TO SET UP TURRETS.

 

 **Lúcio:** THEN HURRY UP. YOU TAKE FOREVER.

 

 **Angela:** See, Satya already is causing a ruckus.

 

 **Satya:** I’m sorry but Lúcio keeps trying to push me off everytime I get on.

 

 **Lúcio:** Then stay out of my range.

 

 **Jack:** Satya, just place your turrets. It takes like 2 seconds.

 

 **Satya:** I WILL IF LÚCIO STOPS SHOOTING ME OFF!

 

 **Lúcio:** YOU’RE TOO SLOW.

 

XXX

 

 **Satya:** @Lúcio. Why?

 

 **Sombra:** THAT WAS HILARIOUS! I SAW THAT!

 

 **Hanzo:** Didn’t expect Talon to be here.

 

 **Sombra:** We are trying out the new recruits.

 

 **Fareeha:** Angela and I saw that, oh my goodness, that was funny.

 

 **Hana:** What happen?

 

 **Fareeha:** Lúcio boop Satya into the well.

 **Fareeha:** When she tried to get out, he just grabbed her hand and lets her go, lion king style.

 

 **Sombra:** He was like, “Long live the people!” And throws her down.

 

 **Satya:** You’re lucky that man hooked me up.

 

 **Angela:** Who is that guy and his weird rat friend?

 

 **Sombra:** Oh, that’s Roadhog and Junkrat.

 **Sombra:** They aren’t with Talon so they are kinda on their own.

 

 **Angela:** So they are not on our side?

 

 **Sombra:** Yeah, they kinda do their own thing.

 

 **Satya:** God, they smell so bad…

 

XXX

 

**Jack added Roadhog and Junkrat to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Jack:** Team, welcome these two to the group.

 

 **Roadhog:** Hey.

 

 **Junkrat:** How yah doing, hehehe?

 

 **Satya:** Why…

 

 **Jack:** We could always use more members.

 

 **Satya:** WHY THEM?

 

 **Jesse:** They don’t seem that bad.

 

 **Angela:** Meh, as long as they don’t ruin my area, I’m fine with it.

 

 **Satya:** You can’t just add people that we have no clear idea of what they do.

 

 **Lúcio:** You’re not the boss, Symmetry.

 

 **Satya:** **Symmetra

 

 **Lúcio:** Same thing.

 

 **Hana:** He’s not wrong.

 

 **Lena:** It is a variation of your name.

 

 **Satya:** Fine. Whatever.

 

 **Junkrat:** So, Satti, what’s that thing you carry around?

 

 **Satya:** It’s Satya…

 

 **Junkrat:** Okay, Sami

 

 **Lúcio:** I like this dude.

 

 **Jack:** Alright, guys! Head back. Mission was a success!

 

XXX

 

 **Satya:** You are all not fair.

 **Satya:** Why did you guys have a meeting without me?

 **Satya:** I’m not sharing my area with those two.

 

 **Junkrat:** We’ll be quiet as a mouse!

 

 **Angela:** Then what was that explosion about?

 

 **Jack:** To be fair, Brigitte and Torbjörn weren’t at the meeting either.

 

 **Satya:** Okay but why me? I have a say in where they will be sleeping at.

 

 **Lúcio:** Deal with it.

 

 **Satya:** God, leave me alone.

 

 **Angela:** Look, the medical bay and the rooms there are all filled. The bunks on the other side are filled. The laboratory has space, so Roadhog and Junkrat will be rooming with you. It’s only temporary.

 

 **Roadhog:** I promise to stay out of your way.

 

 **Junkrat:** No promises.

 

 **Satya:** Fine. One week and you guys better find them or build a different room.

 

 **Jack:** Thank you, Satya.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

 **Satya:** Mei, is there any chance that I can share your room?

 

 **Mei:** Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t have much space…

 

 **Satya:** Please? Junkrat and Roadhog snore so loudly….

 

 **Mei:** Unless you want to deal with Zarya’s snoring…

 

 **Satya:** Wait, what?

 **Satya:** You know what? Nevermind, good night…

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

 **Satya:** Hanzo? Can I possibly sleep in your room until Roadhog and Junkrat get their own rooms?

 

 **Hanzo:** Jesse is a cuddler and he always moves so if you can deal with that, then sure.

 

 **Satya:** Nevermind, I forgot you two have a thing…

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

 **Satya:** I’ve asked everyone and avoided all the couples, so you’re my last hope. Genji, can I possibly share your room until Roadhog and Junkrat get their own space?

 

 **Genji:** Sure! :) I’ll make room for you.

 

 **Satya:** Thank you.

 

XXX

 

 **Ana:** Why is Satya sleeping in the middle of the ocean?

 

 **Genji:** Is that where she went?

 

 **Hanzo:** If she didn’t mind Jesse’s cuddles, she could’ve shared my room.

 

 **Angela:** Fareeha and I could’ve let her sleep on the couch.

 

 **Hana:** You guys have a couch in your room?

 

 **Fareeha:** Yeah.

 

 **Hana:** No fair…

 

 **Lena:** I offered her my room.

 

 **Brigitte:** I don’t think she can deal with that clock you have. It ticks so loud.

 

 **Lena:** It helps me sleep!

 

 **Jack:** So how is she in the middle of the ocean?

 

 **Genji:** I don’t know. I let her share my room but when I woke up, she’s gone.

 

 **Hanzo:** I just went into your room, you have so many of those weird anime posters and pillows….no wonder why she left.

 

 **Lúcio:** Let her stay in the middle of the ocean.

 

 **Jack:** @Lúcio, please do not boop her farther out.

 

 **Ana:** Did she really just build herself a raft /bed and slept out there?

 

 **Mei:** She can literally make objects out of thin air with her technology.

 

 **Junkrat:** Oi! I’ll help!

 

 **Jesse:** Oh my god…

 

 **Hana:** Junkrat….you blew her bed up???

 

 **Angela:** Oh god…

 

 **Fareeha:** What the fuck, Junkrat????

 

 **Junkrat:** I was trying to wake her up!

 

 **Hana:** With grenades??

 

 **Junkrat:** It’s how I wake myself up.

 

 **Lúcio:** I like this guy.

 

XXX

 

 **Satya:** What did I do? What did I do to deserve this?

 

 **Jack:** I think this second attempt of this chat went well. Maybe it’ll get better in time?

 

 **Lúcio:** Naw, you deserve it blues clues.

 

 **Satya:** Fuck you.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a sucker for chat fic and I wanted to come back to this so here it is! I hope you enjoyed. I’ll do my best to incorporate as much characters as I can so if you don’t see your fav, just give me time.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd.


	3. Pokémon; Relationship Status

**Brigitte:** @Hana Can you come down to test out the latest project?

 

 **Hana:** Yeah, sure. I’ll be down in a few minutes. :)

 

 **Brigitte:** Take your time. :)

 

 **Ana:** I have to know. Are you guys a thing? Or am I looking into this too deeply?

 

 **Sombra:** Yeah, we are a thing :)

 

 **Ana:** No, I meant Brigitte and Hana

 **Ana:** Unless you two…

 **Ana:** I’m confused.

 

 **Sombra:** It’s simple. Hana is my girlfriend and Hana is dating Brigitte and it seems to be going well.

 

 **Angela:** Huh?

 

 **Hana:** Sombra is my gf and I am dating Brigitte.

 

 **Lúcio:** Oh, okay. I was curious about that.

 **Lúcio:** By the way, have you guys downloaded pokemon go?

 

 **Hana:** Hell yeah! Team Valor!

 

 **Sombra:** Team Mystic…

 

 **Brigitte:** Team Instinct…

 

 **Hana:** Are you guys actually fucking with me?

 

 **Sombra:** Are you actually kidding me?

 

 **Brigitte:** I’m sorry but Team Valor? No…

 

 **Lúcio:** oooooo…..

 

 **Hana:** This is not funny, we can’t all be on separate teams.

 

 **Sombra:** Well, I chose Mystic because they are the coolest.

 

 **Brigitte:** I chose Instinct because that team is the best.

 

 **Sombra:** Team Instinct is literally a joke.

 

 **Brigitte:** Okay, wow. This team is where all the memes are.

 

 **Sombra:** If putting magikarps in gyms is a meme, then you guys are very good at it.

 

 **Brigitte:** Wow. Okay. Not my fault that team mystic put their worst pokemon in the gyms and then complain why they can’t get any pokecoins.

 

 **Sombra:** No one takes Instinct seriously. Your team could barely claim enough gyms to be a majority of a state.

 

 **Brigitte:** Sorry, it’s quality over quantity. Our team is the best.

 

 **Sombra:** No, it’s not.

 

 **Hana:** Hey, it’s okay. This is fine. Perhaps a little rivalry could help strengthen our relationship?

 

 **Sombra:** I refuse to work with an Instinct.

 

 **Brigitte:** Likewise!

 

 **Lena:** Oh my god, I just got on and I see drama!

 **Lena:** @Lúcio catch me up!

 

 **Lúcio:** They are all on different pokemon teams and it’s causing a rift between them.

 

 **Hana:** Okay, no it isn’t. I think this is fine.

 

 **Sombra:** I’m okay with Valor but not Instinct.

 

 **Brigitte:** Wow.

 

 **Hana:** Guys, it’s not a big deal.

 

 **Lena:** Hey, maybe other couples are on separate teams?

 

 **Hana:** Yeah!

 **Hana:** @Hanzo @Jesse, what pokemon team are you guys on?

 

 **Jesse:** Instinct

 

 **Hanzo:** I don’t play the game myself but I like seeing Jesse get excited playing it on our daily walks together.

 

 **Lúcio:** Okay, not them. They don’t count.

 

 **Hana:** @Angela @Fareeha What pokemon teams are you guys on?

 

 **Fareeha:** Mystic.

 

 **Angela:** Mystic.

 

 **Lena:** Well, of course...they would be that couple…

 

 **Angela:** Hater…

 

 **Hana:** @Ana @Reinhardt what about you guys?

 

 **Fareeha:** Wait, what?

 

 **Ana:** Valor

 

 **Reinhardt:** VALOR

 

 **Fareeha:** Wait, you two are a thing?

 

 **Ana:** We’re working it out.

 

 **Fareeha:** Oh. Then congratulations?

 

 **Reinhardt:** THANK YOU FAREEHA

 

 **Angela:** Double Date~

 

 **Ana:** Yes!

 

 **Hana:** Cute, whatever.

 **Hana:** @Mei @Zarya What team are you guys on?

 

 **Mei:** We don’t play.

 

 **Lena:** Losers.

 

 **Zarya:** Fuck off.

 

 **Lena:** Sorry…

 

 **Hana:** @Satya @Junkrat What teams are you guys?

 

 **Junkrat:** I only know how to text on this phone, so I don’t know much about this game you guys are talking about.

 

 **Satya:** I’m sorry, did you just assume I am coupled with Junkrat?

 

 **Angela:** Wait? You’re not?

 

 **Satya:** No. Jamison and I are not a couple.

 

 **Fareeha:** His name is Jamison?

 

 **Lena:** Oh? First name basis?

 

 **Junkrat:** Oi, if Saya is willing to let Roadie and I sleep in her laboratory, then I have to at least give her my name.

 

 **Satya:** First of all, I was not willing. Second, it is Satya!

 

 **Junkrat:** Close enough.

 

 **Lúcio:** I can see you two together.

 

 **Satya:** Shut up.

 

 **Torbjörn:** HEY, DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHY BRIGITTE LEFT IN A HURRY?

 

 **Hana:** She left?

 

 **Torbjörn:** YEAH. SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT PROVING A PURPLE GREMLIN WRONG.

 

 **Hana:** Oh fuck…

 

XXX

 

 **Jack:** Hey, why are you guys all gone?

 

 **Angela:** We’re currently in King’s Row and watching Brigitte and Sombra fight for all of the pokemon gyms.

 

 **Jack:** Oh. Alright, I thought something bad happen.

 

 **Satya:** Jack, they dragged me along.

 

 **Jack:** So? You could use some fresh air.

 

 **Junkrat:** This is fun! Pokemon go is fun!

 

 **Lena:** You two seem to be getting along just fine.

 

 **Satya:** Jack, they handcuffed me to him!

 

 **Jack:** Hmm.

 **Jack:** Well, you are too far from headquarters so I’ll deal with it when you guys come back.

 

 **Satya:** Jack…

 

 **Hana:** @Sombra @Brigitte

 **Hana:** CAN YOU GUYS JUST CHILL?

 

 **Sombra:** No! Brigitte just stole a fucking gym when I turned around.

 

 **Brigitte:** Not my fault that your Gengar is so weak!

 

 **Sombra:** Fuck you, your Persian sucks! Who uses Persians!?

 

 **Brigitte:** Me!

 

 **Sombra:** @Fareeha @Angela Why aren’t you two helping me!?

 

 **Fareeha:** We’re supposed to help you?

 

 **Angela:** We are kinda doing our own thing.

 

 **Sombra:** Come on! Mystic buddies!

 

 **Fareeha:** Look, we are so damn close to evolving our Swablus. We need 10 more candies to evolve it.

 

 **Angela:** I let her catch one and then I catch the next.

 

 **Lúcio:** God, you guys really are that type of couple.

 

 **Angela:** Hater…

 

 **Hana:** Oh my god, please tell me you guys did not cause that explosion.

 

 **Satya:** No...that wasn’t them.

 

 **Junkrat:** Sorry, I panicked!

 

 **Satya:** He has active bombs around his waist! They set off when he got spooked by a black cat.

 

 **Lúcio:** Damn..

 **Lúcio:** So you’re still alive?

 

 **Satya:** Fuck you.

 

 **Brigitte:** So is that why one of the buildings is on fire…?

 

 **Junkrat:** My bad…

 

 **Angela:** Come on. We should go help.

 

 **Sombra:** @Brigitte Truce?

 

 **Brigitte:** Truce

 

XXX

 

 **Jack:** Wow, I’m so proud of you guys.

 **Jack:** I’m watching the news right now. You guys are all working together and helping to save citizens from a falling building.

 

 **Lena:** It was Junkrat’s fault…

 

 **Junkrat:** My bad!

 

 **Jack:** Well, since it hasn’t been publicly known that Junkrat and Roadhog have joined Overwatch, we can get away with it.

 

 **Fareeha:** Phew!

 

 **Angela:** Well, it looks like the only casualty is Satya.

 

 **Jack:** Why?

 

 **Angela:** Well, physically she seems all right. Mentally, she looks like she’s been through war.

 

 **Lúcio:** Good.

 

 **Hana:** She’ll be fine.

 **Hana:** I’m just glad Brigitte and Sombra finally made up.

 

 **Sombra:** I can respect a fellow trainer that trades me a Dragonite.

 

 **Brigitte:** And I respect a trainer that trades me an Aggron.

 

 **Lena:** All in all, this morning has been great.

 

 **Satya:** Speak for yourself…

 

XXX

 

 **Mei:** Hey? What was that rumble?

 

 **Satya:** @Jack, can I propose a rule against carrying bombs around one’s waist inside of the headquarters?

 

 **Jack:** Yeah...I agree.

 

 **Angela:** Please….

 

 **Junkrat:** My bad, Sattama!

 

 **Satya:** It’s Satya!

 

 **Junkrat:** My bad, I’ll get it next time Samti

 

 **Satya:** <— It is right there! That is my name.

 

 **Lúcio:** Hey, @Junkrat. What’s my name?

 

 **Junkrat:** Lúcio, mate.

 

 **Lúcio:** Correct, big guy!

 

 **Satya:** How could you even get the acute diacritical mark?

 

 **Junkrat:** The what?

 

 **Lúcio:** What the fuck is that?

 

 **Satya:** The line above the letter U of your name, Lúcio...

 

 **Lúcio:** I don’t appreciate that tone, Sims.

 

 **Satya:** Nevermind then.

 

 **Fareeha:** If it makes you feel better, Junkrat can not say my name right.

 

 **Angela:** He calls her, Fa-Ray-Ah

 

 **Junkrat:** My bad, Fareeha.

 

 **Satya:** You can spell her name?

 

 **Junkrat:** It has two e’s so it’s easy to remember.

 

 **Satya:** You know what, I don’t care. Call me whatever you like.

 

 **Junkrat:**  Alright, Samatya 

 

 **Satya:**  Close enough.

 

XXX

 

 **Junkrat:** Torbjörn is that guy with a beard bigger than his body?

 

 **Satya:** You can spell his name and not mine?!

 

 **Lúcio:**  Then change your name if you’re so bothered by it.

 

 **Satya:** Can you not comment on every text I send?

 

 **Lúcio:** Could Vishkar not have been so strict and controlling over my home?

 

 **Satya:** Look, I questioned what Vishkar was doing at the time. I wasn’t directly involved with the entire development of your home.

 

 **Lúcio:**  But did you do something? No.

 

 **Satya:** You stole technology from us.

 

 **Lúcio:** To get you guys out of my turf. I rescued my people.

 

 **Satya:** You stole from your own father.

 

 **Lúcio:**  You guys brainwashed him.

 

 **Satya:** You’re just close minded to the true reality.

 

 **Lucio:** No, you guys are just uptight, fancy, neat obsessed little fanatics that scream over a tiny speck of dirt.

 

 **Satya:**...

 **Satya:** I just like to stay clean. Nothing wrong with that.

 

 **Lúcio:** It is when Vishkar tried to control my people with their strict curfews and whatnot!

 

 **Satya:** I’m not with them anymore so get over it!

 

 **Lúcio:**  You would say that, you uptight little neat freak.

 

 **Satya:**...

 

 **Junkrat:** So...was that Torbjörn or not?

 

XXX

 

 **Angela:** Did I just see Lúcio running around with...Satya’s arm?

 

 **Hana:** I just saw Satya throwing Junkrat’s bombs at him.

 

 **Brigitte:**  Was that what was going on up there?

 

 **Lena:** @Jesse I knew it was a prosthetic! You owe me!

 

 **Jesse:** Damn it.

 **Jesse:** But do you think she might help me tinker with my prosthetic? Mine is kinda rusty.

 

 **Angela:** After Fareeha gets them to stop.

 

 **Hana:** Hey, does Fareeha have prosthetics?

 

 **Angela:** No, why?

 

 **Hana:** I saw one of her blue legs from her Raptora suit fly in front of my window.

 

 **Angela:** WTF

 

XXX

 

 **Satya:** I’m sorry for the disturbances.

 

 **Lúcio:**  I am sorry too, everyone. 

 **Lúcio:** Except you, Satya.

 

 **Satya:** Fuck you.

 

 **Angela:** You two do not have to like each other but if Fareeha actually did lose one of her limbs during that fight or any future fights between you two, I will personally rip all of your limbs off to compensate for her.

 

 **Lúcio:**  I am very sorry.

 

 **Satya:** Me too. I am so sorry.

 

 **Jack:** Well, glad that was resolved.

 

 **Angela:** You did nothing JACK!

 

 **Fareeha:** YOU JUST SAT THERE WITH YOUR FUCKING COFFEE JACK

 

 **Jack:** And everything was resolved, no problem. :)

 

 **Fareeha:** Hey...just to confirm, hands do have five fingers, right?

 

 **Angela:**...

 

XXX

 

 **Brigitte:** Hey, what’s going on up there?

 

 **Hana:** Angela is chasing Satya and Lúcio to compensate for Fareeha’s missing finger.

 

 **Brigitte:**  Oh my god...Is Fareeha okay?

 

 **Hana:** She’s fine. She didn’t lose a finger. She just has a concussion when Lúcio threw Satya’s arm at her head during their fight, so she thought she lost a finger.

 

 **Brigitte:** So no one told Angela?

 

 **Fareeha:** She didn’t really check, she took a glance and then left to chase them.

 

 **Lena:** You would think a doctor would double check...

 

 **Fareeha:** Or that my girlfriend is very protective of me.

 

 **Jack:** Everything will work out fine.

 

 **Fareeha:**  YOU DID NOTHING JACK AND STOP SITTING THERE AND SIPPING YOUR COFFEE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Satya, don’t get me wrong. I’ll chose a different person to be the bottom of the fuckery chain.
> 
> Oh yeah, these characters may be very OOC, so deal with it or just don't read. Simple as that.
> 
> Tumblr kokoro—nerd


	4. Family Relations; Secrets

**Jack:** Look at what Lena and I found while cleaning up the empty rooms.

**Jack: *texts photo***

 

**Hana:** DAMN ANGELA WOO WOO

 

**Mei:** Ooo, you go girl!

 

**Brigitte:** Wow, my dad looks...the same then.

 

**Torbjörn:** YOU GET YOUR LOOKS FROM YOUR MOTHER, BRIGITTE.

 

**Lena:** Angela was literally the life of the party.

 

**Angela:** Oh wow, I remember that year. 

 

**Fareeha:** You wouldn’t have more than one copy…?

 

**Lena:** There’s only one but Angela or Torbjörn gets first priorities since it’s them.

 

**Brigitte:** Well, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t want it.

 

**Torbjörn:** NAH, MY OLD BUDDIES MIGHT THINK ANGELA IS ANOTHER ONE OF MY KIDS

 

**Fareeha:** So…?

 

**Angela:** Yes, Fareeha. You can have that photo.

 

**Lúcio:** Aw, so sweet.

 

**Ana:** Oh I remember that party. Too bad you were sick, Fareeha. I would’ve taken you to that one.

 

**Fareeha:** You gave me food poisoning!

 

**Ana:** Look, cooking is hard. My bad.

 

**Fareeha:** I can’t believe I missed the year that Angela was dressed in that witch outfit.

 

**Angela:** I’ll gladly wear it again for you~

 

**Fareeha:** Yay!

 

**Hana:** Stop being such adorable birdmoms.

 

**Angela:** Stop being such an adorable little shit, my little kumquat.

 

**Hana:** Ew, don’t treat me like your kid.

 

**Fareeha:** Hana, listen to your mother.

 

**Hana:** No, fuck you. I’m an independent woman.

 

**Angela:** Language, Hana!

 

**Hana:** Fuck you, I don’t listen to you.

 

**Fareeha:** Respect your mother or no ice cream tonight.

 

**Hana:** I’m sorry, moms. I want ice cream.

 

**Lena:** Hahahahaha, what the fuck?

 

**Angela:** Lena, watch your mouth or no ice cream tonight.

 

**Lena:** I’m sorry, I want ice cream.

 

**Lúcio:** Oh my god, why are you guys listening to them?

 

**Fareeha:** This applies to you too, Lúcio.

 

**Lúcio:** Okay, I’m sorry. Please let me have ice cream.

 

**Angela:** Good children.

 

**Hanzo:** Wow…

 

**Jack:** I have to say, Angela was the most popular member of Overwatch at the time. Everyone wanted to hang out with her.

 

**Jesse:** She wasn’t “that” popular. 

 

**Angela:** You’re just jealous because everyone loved me the most.

 

**Jesse:** I don’t know about that, Fareeha hung around me a lot. I think she preferred me than you.

 

**Fareeha:** Mom told me to hang out with you because you needed more friends. I didn’t really have a choice.

 

**Genji:** OOOOOOOOH hahaha, roasted.

 

**Jesse:** HEY

**Jesse:** At least Ana cared enough to force her kid to hang out with me.

**Jesse:** Unlike you, Genji.

 

**Genji:** Fuck you, I was chopped up by @Hanzo and put back together. I had depression.

 

**Hanzo:** It was for family honor, Genji. Shut up.

 

**Genji:** Sure. Sure it was for family honor. Alright, yeah right.

**Genji:** I wonder where’s my ‘happily ever after’

 

**Hanzo:** What matters is that you’re alive today.

 

**Genji:** Barely.

 

**Hanzo:** Ungrateful.

 

**Genji:** Brother Chopper.

 

**Hanzo:** Weeaboo.

 

**Genji:** We’re Japanese, we can’t be weeaboo.

 

**Hanzo:** With the way you obsess over ‘Levi Heicho’ and ‘Eran Yeager’ from that giant cannibal series, you most certainly act like a weeaboo.

 

**Genji:** HEY!

**Genji:** LEAVE MY BABIES ALONE

 

**Hanzo:** See what I put up with?

 

**Jesse:** Oh darlin, he’s your brother. You still gotta love him a bit.

 

**Hanzo:** He challenges that love when I heard him fantasize about some blonde queen from that cannibal series.

 

**Genji:** HEY HISTORIA DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER FUCK YOU HANZO SHE DESERVES LOVE AND PROTECTION AND I JUST WANNA PROTECT HER

 

**Hanzo:** Shut up.

 

**Genji:** Brother Chopper.

 

**Jesse:** Brotherly love right here.

 

**Fareeha:** At least one of them didn’t fake their death for long periods of time, leaving behind a young girl to grow with resentment for the loss of a mother figure and the loss of inspiration and encouragement they needed to follow their dream, which was often put down by the same mother figure.

**Fareeha:** @Ana

 

**Ana:** I had my reasons, Fareeha.

**Ana:** Ungrateful child.

**Ana:** At least Jesse had enough decency to cry when I returned.

 

**Genji:** Just sounds like Fareeha has mommy issues.

 

**Angela:** Nothing wrong with having a mommy kink.

 

**Hana:** He didn’t say kink…

 

**Angela:** Same thing…

 

**Jesse:** You, Angela, have some kind of mom complex.

 

**Angela:** Nothing wrong with that…

 

**Genji:** You take anyone younger than 30 to be your child.

**Genji:** You literally baby Hana like she’s 10

**Genji:** I went by Hana’s room and I saw you and Fareeha rocking Hana to sleep. She’s fucking 19

 

**Hana:** HEY

**Hana:** You’re just jealous you’re not getting ice cream and I am.

 

**Genji:** ...no i am not

 

**Angela:** You want ice cream, Genji?

 

**Genji:** yes...

 

**Angela:** Then stop screaming ‘I need healing’ 10 times in a row every time you get a scratch on you.

 

**Genji:** You’re our healer, it’s your job.

 

**Angela:** It’s not my job to keep you from hurting yourself, for fuck sake

 

**Fareeha:** You got one splinter one time and you wailed for hours on the ride back.

 

**Ana:** Excuse me, Angela isn’t the only healer.

**Ana:** There’s also me, Zenyatta, Lúcio, Symmetra, Brigitte.

 

**Lúcio:** YOU’RE WELCOME GENJI

 

**Brigitte:** Please stop throwing yourself around like a rag doll.

 

**Satya:** Zenyatta wanted to say, “Ungrateful student.”

 

**Lúcio:** Except Samamama, she’s not really a healer.

 

**Satya:** I have gotten the group out of difficult situations many times with my turrets. I am clearly a support. 

 

**Lúcio:** Debatable.

 

**Satya:** What do you do? Just ‘boop’ people off cliffs.

 

**Lúcio:** Um, that’s more than what you do. I can at least heal.

 

**Satya:** I secure shield generators so that talking green glow stick can at least survive a bit longer when he runs into a wall.

 

**Lúcio:** That’s...actually pretty helpful...especially with Genji.

 

**Jesse:** WOAH DID YOU JUST AGREE WITH SATYA

 

**Lúcio:** I think I did but I feel like I’m going to throw up.

 

**Satya:** I’ll take the compliment when I can.

 

**Genji:** Meanwhile I feel quite attacked.

 

**Angela:** Good.

 

**Ana:** Now you understand a fraction of how we feel

 

**Jack:** When I tell you to get stabilized, I don’t mean run away like a rabid rabbit.

 

**Lúcio:** Dude! Even Jack heals! @Satya What do you have to say for yourself?

 

**Satya:** Fuck off.

 

**Angela:** Oh perfect, since @Jack and @Ana are here. I wanted to bring something up.

**Angela:** Do you mind if we get refunds on your caskets?

**Angela:** I got receipts for them.

 

**Jesse:** We paid for some really nice looking caskets.

 

**Ana:** You didn’t need to buy such elegant caskets but sure, I don’t care.

 

**Jack:** Yeah...how did you get the money for those caskets? It must have cost a fortune.

 

**Genji:** Not very comforting to know that you know what caskets we got for you guys…

 

**Ana:** Again, we didn’t ask for such elegant caskets.

 

**Fareeha:** I didn’t ask for my only mother to fake her damn death but look where we are.

 

**Ana:** Are you really going to do this to me everytime?

 

**Fareeha:** I got this damn eye tattoo in honor of you!

 

**Ana:** You didn’t need to! You don’t even know the true reason why the Amari family gets those tattoos.

 

**Fareeha:** I do now!

**Fareeha:** It’s to piss our parents off!

 

**Ana:** Well, that’s kinda half the reason…

 

**Jesse:** We got some dysfunctional family relations in this team…

 

**Angela:** For the record, @Jesse, since we are having a lot of family issues going on with this chat, and everyone is letting their feelings out. You were the worst brother figure ever. My god, I hated your guts every single day.

 

**Jesse:** WOW OKAY BITCH THANKS FOR @ING ME

**Jesse:** But awww, so you did consider me as a brother figure to you :)))

 

**Angela:** You were like the only other person my age so I guess we were kinda like siblings idk

 

**Genji:** UM???

 

**Angela:** You were the depressed teen that followed us

 

**Jesse:** Ditto

 

**Genji:** Fuck you guys, i was sad

 

**Angela:** You reminded us every hour…

 

**Jesse:** EVERY hour….

 

**Hanzo:** Trust me, he doesn’t let you forget….

 

**Hana:** Oh my god, I wish I was around back with Angela and Jesse, they sounded like two spoiled and popular brats in their days

 

**Angela:** That’s pretty accurate.

 

**Fareeha:** It wasn’t pretty tho…

 

**Jesse:** Fareeha was the little sister that we love to spoil.

 

**Angela:** You almost killed her every single time you took her out.

 

**Jesse:** She was a small kid that could fit into tight spaces. She was useful.

 

**Angela:** Try fitting her into tight spaces now.

 

**Junkrat:** Giggity ;)

 

**Angela:** Go bother Satya.

 

**Satya:** I just got him to leave me alone...

 

**Jesse:** WTF Fareeha. Really. What did Helix fucking feed you to get so tall and swol?

 

**Fareeha:** Idk...growth spurt?

 

**Lena:** Okay, that’s not what my growth spurt do for me…

 

**Hana:** Nor me…

 

**Lúcio:** Sigh….no fair

 

**Jesse:** She was a little twink candle, running around the base. I could throw her around like she was a ball

 

**Angela:** You DID throw her around like she was a ball.

 

**Jesse:** She didn’t complain

 

**Fareeha:** bc you told me if I kept silent, you would buy me ice cream

 

**Jesse:** Did I keep my promises?

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah…

 

**Jesse:** I’m a true man of my word.

 

**Angela:** Wow, so noble. *clap clap*

 

**Jack:** Honestly, you two really haven’t changed since then

 

**Ana:** Well, they could be worse. Angela and Jesse got into very physical fights

 

**Fareeha:** I remember when Angela gave Jesse black eyes and she refused to fix them so he was forced to go to Moira

 

**Jesse:** Worse time of my life.

 

**Angela:** Even I regret doing that and I made it up to him by buying him another cowboy doll for his collection

 

**Hana:** I am living for this omg

**Hana:** But who is Moira?

 

**Fareeha:** A David Bowie impersonator 

 

**Angela:** worst thing ever

 

**Jesse:** A literal weeaboo

 

**Genji:** The Shou Tucker of Early Overwatch

 

**Lúcio:** Oh…

 

**Lena:** hmmm vaguely remember her…

 

**Sombra:** Oh yeah, she just join Talon not too long ago.

 

**Angela:** …

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Fareeha:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Jack:** Not too surprising.

 

**Ana:** well, if Gabe is with Talon then it was likely she would join too

 

**Angela:** Gabe is alive?

 

**Jack:** Yep.

 

**Jesse:** UNCLE GABE?

 

**Genji:** WTF

 

**Fareeha:** UM WHAT???

 

**Angela:** You’re telling us this now?!

 

**Sombra:** Oh, Gabe has been in Talon for a while. I thought you guys knew?

 

**Jack:** I guess not everyone. :) Surprise.

 

**Hana:** Who is Gabe?

 

**Lena:** GABE IS WHATTTT??????

 

**Reinhardt:** I THOUGHT YOU GUYS KNEW? HE IS REAPER

 

**Angela:** WHAT??

 

**Jesse:** UMMMMM MCEXCUSE ME??

 

**Torbjörn:** YOU GUYS REALLY DID NOT KNOW?

 

**Fareeha:** WOAH? WHO KNEW THIS?

 

**Jack:** Me.

 

**Ana:** Me.

 

**Reinhardt:** ME.

 

**Torbjörn:** ME

 

**Angela:** Well of fucking course the oldies would know…

 

**Reinhardt:** WELL WHEN JACK AND ANA CAME BACK I ASSUME GABE WAS STILL AROUND

 

**Torbjörn:** IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE 

 

**Jesse:** You guys could have made a fucking announcement or something???

 

**Genji:** Okay hold up. Are you telling me that the puff of dark cloud that we fight, the one we call edgelord, is Gabe?

 

**Ana:** Yeah

 

**Jack:** That’s him.

 

**Jesse:** ….

 

**Angela:** @EVERYONE TEAM MEETING

**Angela:** Except you, Sombra. Sorry.

 

**Sombra:** I assumed I wasn’t invited.

 

**Hana:** Miss yah.

 

**Sombra:** Miss yah too.

 

**Brigitte:** Miss yah both.

 

**Sombra:** :))))

 

**Hanzo:** So no one is going to talk about this? ^^

 

XXX

 

**In another group chat called “Talon”:**

 

**Sombra:** Yo, so I told Overwatch that Moira and Gabe were in Talon

 

**Reaper:** K

 

**Moira:** Ooo? How did they respond?

 

**Sombra:** The middle kids were kinda bleh on you but they were utterly shocked about Gabe.

**Sombra: *texts screenshot***

 

**Reaper:** Lol

 

**Moira:** Wow, so no one even cares about me? What the hell? I was pretty established with Overwatch.

 

**Widowmaker:** Even I barely tolerate you, so shut the fuck up.

 

**Moira:** Look, no need to get nasty with me.

 

**Widowmaker:** Fuck off.

 

**Moira:** Okay, how dare Genji calls me the Shou Tucker. Wow. Fucking rude as fuck.

 

**Sombra:** Well, if it makes you feel better, Fareeha had the nicest comment about you.

 

**Moira:** Okay no, I am not a David Bowie impersonator…

**Moira:** This is my natural hair color.

 

**Sombra:** Sure.

 

**Moira:** It is.

 

**Sombra:** Whatever you say.

 

**Moira:** It is my real hair color!

 

**Sombra:** Don’t make me bring up your old texts.

 

**Moira:** It was on my old phone, how the hell are you able to bring them up?

 

**Sombra:** Um? You’re talking to one of the best hackers.

 

**Widowmaker:** And the worst at sticking with sides.

 

**Sombra:** I do what I want.

 

**Reaper:** Rip

 

**Moira:** Can you say anything else?

 

**Reaper:** Meh.

 

**Sombra:** Can you not understand how much effort and emotion he puts in his texts?

 

**Widowmaker:** I agree, Reaper. Sombra can be irritating at times but she hasn’t really betrayed us yet.

 

**Moira:** What?

**Moira:** He doesn’t text any more than 3 letters.

 

**Reaper:** tru

 

**Moira:** See?

 

**Sombra:** He use to text more until you join.

 

**Moira:** What about Doomfist?

 

**Widowmaker:** What about him?

 

**Moira:** Did Reaper text these three letters or less answers when Doomfirst arrived?

 

**Reaper:** No.

 

**Sombra:** There’s your answer.

 

**Widowmaker:** Doomfist is pretty awesome. 

 

**Sombra:** He’s so chill.

 

**Moira:** I didn’t respond to this chat to be disrespected like this.

 

**Sombra:** But you’re still texting in this chat.

 

**Moira:** Okay, true.

 

**Reaper:** Rip

 

**Widowmaker:** So why does the middle kids not know that Gabe is Reaper?

 

**Reaper:** lol

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh, makes sense.

 

**Sombra:** That’s a hilarious, Gabe.

 

**Moira:** What...did he say?

 

**Sombra:** Did you not read his text?

 

**Widowmaker:** He said that he and the rest of his ex-colleagues wanted to see how long it would take those kids to figure it out and then see their reactions when they casually found out. It was just a silly joke between them.

 

**Moira:** He didn’t say that…?? How did you get that from three letters?

 

**Sombra:** Um, he did? Did you not read his text?

 

**Widowmaker:** It’s right there.

 

**Moira:** All he said was lol

 

**Reaper:** Ugh

 

**Sombra:** She’s still a newbie, Gabe, it’ll take her a little longer.

 

**Reaper:** Meh

 

**Widowmaker:** Yes, Doomfist understood you right away. You’re right, she’s just dumb.

 

**Moira:** I’m right here!

 

**Sombra:** Then go away.

 

**Moira:** I’m in Talon…

 

**Widowmaker:** You don’t have to be in the chat. Just ignore the chat.

 

**Moira:** Then why am I in the chat in the first place if you guys don’t seem to want me in it???

 

**Sombra:** Because you’re a part of Talon, duh?

 

**Moira:** WHAT? You guys do not make sense at all!

 

**Widowmaker:** I don’t understand why a woman like you watch those cartoons all the time. That doesn’t make sense.

 

**Moira:** It’s called ‘Anime’ and it is a Japanese animation of wonderful storytelling.

 

**Reaper:** Ew

 

**Sombra:** You’re right Reaper. She needs to get over her undying love for Angela by filling the empty hole with watching those cartoons.

 

**Moira:** WHAT?

 

**Widowmaker:** We have all seen that picture of Angela in that pink costume. 

 

**Moira:** WAIT WHAT

 

**Reaper:** lol

 

**Sombra:** We have all seen it, Moira. You kiss it at night before you sleep.

 

**Moira:** HOW?

 

**Sombra:** One word: Camera

 

**Moira:** That’s an invasion of privacy.

 

**Widowmaker:** I don’t know, it makes me feel safe when I know someone is watching over me.

 

**Moira:** You can’t feel.

 

**Widowmaker:** Hey, no need to get personal.

 

**Reaper:** UGH

 

**Widowmaker:** I know, Reaper. I wish it was just the three of us again.

 

**Reaper:** Ah

 

**Sombra:** Yes, I agree. Doomfist can be included too.

 

**Moira:** So everyone knows about that picture….??

 

**Sombra:** I have a copy of it.

 

**Moira:** Oh god….

 

**Widowmaker:** Pathetic.

 

**Reaper:** lol

 

**Sombra:** Hahaha, funny Gabe. You’re right, base on those texts she and Angela shared back in those early days, Angela had zero interest in her.

 

**Moira:** Please stop…

**Moira:** Wait...so you do have those texts??

 

**Sombra: *texts screenshot*** Told yah.

 

**Moira:** Oh god….

 

**Widowmaker:** Wow, Moira. Desperate much?

**Widowmaker:** Even I can tell she was most likely oblivious to your advances.

 

**Reaper:** LOL

 

**Sombra:** I know! She was friend zoned so badly!

 

**Moira:** Okay that was 20 years ago!

**Moira:** Perhaps she might change her mind now if I reintroduce myself back into her life.

 

**Reaper:** No

 

**Moira:** ??

 

**Sombra:** Oh Gabe, I don’t think she knows.

 

**Moira:** Know what?

 

**Widowmaker:** Angela is dating Fareeha.

 

**Moira:** Wait? Fareeha?

**Moira:** That little chopsticks that use to run around the base with that cowboy?

 

**Widowmaker:** Yeah, that’s the same Fareeha.

 

**Moira:** This is honestly the cruelest joke yet…

 

**Doomfist:** It is not a joke.

**Doomfist:** I thought this was common knowledge?

 

**Sombra:** Well, Moira holes herself up in her lab, watching those cartoon, all the time that she misses all of our team meetings. It’s not too surprising.

 

**Reaper:** Rip

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh I heard Moira screaming too. She just ran past my room.

 

**Doomfist:** So what did I missed? I was taking a bubble bath.

 

**Sombra:** The middle kids just found out that Moira and Gabe were a part of Talon and Moira just found out that Angela and Fareeha are dating.

 

**Doomfist:** So just common knowledge?

 

**Sombra:** Yep.

**Sombra:** Well, since I’m pretty sure Moira just threw her phone at the wall, base on that crash I heard, how about we make a bet about Moira and Angela?

**Sombra:** I have 20 bucks that Angela dressed up in that pink outfit for anything BUT for Moira’s amusement.

 

**Widowmaker:** It is for a worthy cause, I’m sure. No one dresses in that much pink for fun.

 

**Reaper:** meh

 

**Doomfist:** I agree with Widowmaker too, Reaper, she must have wore that outfit for charity

 

**Sombra:** So we all in a census for anything BUT Moira’s amusement?

 

**Widowmaker:** 15

 

**Reaper:** 20

 

**Doomfist:** 15

 

**Reaper:** ?

 

**Sombra:** You’re right, Reaper. There’s no use to bet if we don’t have someone to oppose.

**Sombra:** So if we win, Moira has to let us play with the bunnies and let them free.

 

**Doomfist:** YES.

 

**Widowmaker:** Deal.

 

**Reaper:** lol

 

**Sombra:** It is more fun, Reaper. It is more fun to bet without Moira. Being unfair is fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think everyone at Talon understands each other well, except Moira. Moira watches too much anime for her own self respect.
> 
> Tumblr kokoro—nerd


	5. Bunnies; Love

**Jack:** @Fareeha @Angela @Jesse @Genji Are you guys really going to pull the silent treatment on us? It’s been two days. 

 

**Angela:** Did you guys get a notification for the chat? Because I can’t see it.

 

**Jesse:** Hmm, weird. I got one too.

 

**Genji:** Might just be a glitch

 

**Fareeha:** If we ignore it, it might fix itself up.

 

**Hana:** Idk, I saw dad76’s message

 

**Lena:** You four are playing such a silly and old-fashion trick

 

**Angela:** No idea what you’re talking about.

 

**Jesse:** No idea at all

 

**Genji:** We’ve had glitches before.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m sure if we turn it on and off, the glitch will fix itself.

 

**Ana:** Very mature guys.

 

**Angela:** …

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Fareeha:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Hanzo:** You four are such children.

 

**Hana:** After all the stories you shared about him, Gabe sounds like a great guy, aside from the edgelord persona 

 

**Lena:** He was, I’m glad he’s actually alive.

 

**Brigitte:** It could be worse. They could have been actually dead.

 

**Angela:** That’s a lot more truthful than being lied to.

 

**Ana:** We didn’t lie. We just fake our deaths.

 

**Jesse:** Cruel. What did we do to deserve this?

 

**Fareeha:** We didn’t deserve this at all.

 

**Jack:** You guys are just making a big deal of it.

 

**Ana:** It wasn’t hard to figure out in the end. We all knew Gabe had a Evanescence phase so it was just connecting the dots.

 

**Reinhardt:** BUT HEY AT LEAST THEY ARE ALIVE AND THAT IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS

 

**Torbjörn:** THE LOOK ON YOUR FACES WERE PRICELESS THO AHAHAH

 

**Reinhardt:** I DIDN’T THINK YOU KIDS WOULD START CRYING

 

**Jesse:** Angela cried more, just saying it out loud.

 

**Angela:** I had to change my shirt because of your snot, liar.

 

**Jesse:** You still cried more than me.

 

**Fareeha:** Okay but then you wouldn’t let her go because you were so upset. You two fell asleep crying in each other’s arms.

 

**Hanzo:** You and Genji did the same thing….

 

**Fareeha:** Fuck off, brother chopper.

 

**Genji:** We are still recovering from when Jack and Ana turned out to be alive! Gabe just takes the cake.

 

**Jesse:** I don’t know who to trust now…

 

**Fareeha:** Jokes on you mom, I got a tattoo and I’m dating the doctor.

 

**Ana:** And you both wrote fanfiction about each other before you two started dating. Yes. Wow. Totally in my face. :p

 

**Angela:** Your daughter has a mommy kink because of your lack of parental influence.

 

**Jack:** I think you have the bigger mommy kink.

 

**Angela:** No I don’t…

 

**Hana:** You two aren’t really quiet…

 

**Lena:** Yeah…

 

**Lúcio:** Why else do I play my music out loud at 3 am in the morning?

 

**Satya:** There are things called headphones….

 

**Lúcio:** And there are things called earplugs so use them, smartass.

 

**Angela:** Look, what Fareeha and I do in bed isn’t important right now.

 

**Junkrat:** I think it is.

 

**Fareeha:** Shut up.

 

**Angela:** The issue is that we were lied at for longer than what was necessary. We really did not know Gabe was Reaper and to think you guys used it as a joke against us was cruel.

 

**Jack:** Or you guys were just dumber than you look

 

**Jesse:** Rude.

 

**Genji:** I wrote a poem to summarize how we felt about this!

**Genji: “** We are sad, so sad

**Genji:** Sad we are, sad we will be.

**Genji:** Sad and betrayed, sad”

 

**Hanzo:** Worst Haiku ever

 

**Hana:** I can put my shit on a canvas and it’ll still be better than this poem.

 

**Lena:** Wtf is that writing? I would rather read Charles Dickens then that.

 

**Lúcio:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Jesse:** We were sad, guys! That is how we felt.

 

**Angela:** I’m crying just thinking about how much thought we put into this poem

 

**Fareeha:** Thank you for putting it all in one poem, Genji.

 

**Genji:** The honor is mine.

 

**Ana:** Lame.

 

**Fareeha:** You know what is lame? Leaving your only daughter behind.

 

**Ana:** And I’m back, duh.

 

**Reinhardt:** COME NOW, FAREEHA. LET BYGONES BE BYGONES

 

**Angela:** Has no one taught you to turn off your Caps lock off?

 

**Torbjörn:** LOOK THESE TOUCH SCREENS ARE TOO SENSITIVE FOR OUR MEATY FINGERS

 

**Reinhardt:** WHY DO YOU THINK WINSTON ALMOST NEVER TEXT IN THE CHAT?

 

**Jesse:** I don’t think I ever want to read ‘meaty fingers’ ever again….

 

**Angela:** You guys know you can text by audio?

 

**Reinhardt:** I GUESS I CAN GIVE THAT A TRY

 

**Torbjörn:** MEHHHHH

 

**Brigitte:** My dad is impossible to work with sometimes. He hates trying new things.

 

**Angela:** I can tell…

 

**Sombra:** Yo, waz up guys? Going to crash the party now.

**Sombra:** Hey, Angela. You’re going to get a text from a certain someone so imma peep at your convo.

 

**Angela:** Um..? Okay?

 

**Fareeha:** Should I be concern?

 

**Sombra:** Nah, but be prepared to feel lucky.

 

**Jesse:** Well, keep us in the dark…

 

**Sombra:** I’ll send you screenshots as an update.

 

**Genji:** YAY

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

**Moira:** Hello? Angela?

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Angela:** Fuck you, Sombra.

 

**Sombra:** Not even a simple greeting back. What a record.

 

**Jesse:** That was fast.

 

**Genji:** Who was it?

 

**Angela:** Someone that infuriates me to the core.

 

**Jesse:** Yourself?

 

**Angela:** Mature, Jesse.

 

**Jesse:** :)))

 

**Fareeha:** Moira?

 

**Angela:** Yeah, she just texted me.

**Angela:** Sombra, why did you give her my number?

 

**Sombra:** To answer a very important bet and question.

**Sombra:** Although, I think Talon already know the answer but we wanted to confirm.

 

**Lena:** Is that what Talon does in their spare time? Betting?

 

**Sombra:** There’s not much to do at Talon but brooding our feelings and that’s tiring.

 

**Hana:** Join Overwatch, we have cookies.

 

**Sombra:** Tempting but I like messing with Moira.

 

**Hana:** Well, get Moira in the chat and I’ll decide if it’s worth it.

 

**Angela:** NO

 

**Sombra added Moira to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Fareeha:** Hi David Bowie

 

**Moira:** Hello you bronze goddess.

 

**Angela:** Back off my woman.

 

**Moira:** Was that not an insult?

 

**Fareeha:** It’s actually a compliment to me, so thank you.

 

**Moira: @** Sombra, you told me that was an insult!

 

**Sombra:** Lol 

 

**Jesse:** Great first impression *clap clap*

 

**Ana:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FAREEHA A GODDESS?? LOOOOOOOLLLL

 

**Fareeha:** WOW MOM

 

**Angela:** Sombra, take her out.

 

**Sombra:** Then tell me what was the deal with the pink outfit you wore.

 

**Fareeha:** a pink outfit?

 

**Angela:** I’m confused...is that why she is in here?

 

**Sombra: *texts photo***

 

**Moira:** Oh my god…

 

**Angela:** That one? That was for helping raise awareness for breast cancer.

 

**Moira:** Obviously!

 

**Sombra:** So it wasn’t for Moira’s amusement?

 

**Moira:** Oh god...

 

**Angela:** Why the actual fuck would it be for Moira’s amusement?

 

**Moira:** Yeah...dumb right?

 

**Sombra:** Hey, I don’t know. Ask Moira. Talon just got free bunnies and letting them go!

 

**Hana:** WHAT?

**Hana:** CAN I COME OVER TO PLAY WITH BUNNIES?

 

**Brigitte:** ME TOO

 

**Jesse:** TAKE ME TOO

 

**Lena:** ME ME

 

**Lúcio:** MEEEEEE

 

**Mei:** I just got on but playing with bunnies? Can Zarya and I join as well?

 

**Sombra:** You guys are all welcome to play with them.

 

**Jack:** Yay. :)

 

**Ana:** WOOO

 

**Angela:** WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WITH THOSE BUNNIES, MOIRA?

 

**Moira:** Just a personal thing?

 

**Angela:** YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST HUMAN THING EVER OH MY GOD YOU ARE DOING HORRIBLE EXPERIMENTS ON LIVE ANIMALS FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

 

**Fareeha:** Get her, babe.

 

**Ana:** You don’t even know what they are fighting about…

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah but I’m on Angie’s side.

 

**Moira:** Oh so you’re calling her Angie now?

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah?

 

**Moira:** So you think you can call her Angie and you’re so lovey dovey with her?

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah?

 

**Angela:** Fuck off Moira.

 

**Moira:** I’m sorry, can you at least answer me this?

**Moira:** Why the fuck are you dating this muscular and tall woman?

 

**Sombra:** You suck at insults, Moira

 

**Moira:** I’m sorry. I’m bad at insulting. I thought those were insults...

 

**Fareeha:** Thank you?

 

**Angela:** Because she’s beautiful, kind, considerate, hot, sexy, and fucking great in bed, and she’s an amazing human being that loves and cares for me.

 

**Fareeha:** Aw shucks.

 

**Moira:** So you’re telling me that this woman is the same squirt that ran around the base like a walking pair of chopsticks?

 

**Fareeha:** I wasn’t that thin back then…

 

**Jesse:** You were a twig, Fareeha. I could fit you in my holster back then.

 

**Hana:** I would live to see that.

 

**Jesse:** Dude, I bought a baby holster and carried her in it. Everyone got a kick out of it.

 

**Ana:** I think I still have those pictures!

 

**Fareeha:** Humiliating...

 

**Angela:** For the record, Moira, that ‘squirt’ is my Fareeha and my future wifey

 

**Fareeha:** Fuuuuck yeahhhh

 

**Ana:** MARRIAGE? 

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah…

 

**Angela:** You knew it would come up sooner or later.

 

**Ana:** @Reinhardt I told you that they’ll bring it up before Angela turns 40

 

**Angela:** NO NEED TO BRING AGE INTO THIS

 

**Moira:** MARRIAGE ANGELA???!!!

**Moira:** WITH THIS LITTLE MICROBE?

 

**Angela:** I don’t know anyone else who gives me my cinnamon spice chocolate every night, so who fucking else??!!

 

**Fareeha:** Hehehe, I’m the cinnamon spice chocolate source ;)))

 

**Hana:** YEAH WE ALL ASSUME BLUE BIRD MOM

 

**Junkrat:** So @Fareeha, does Angela taste like jasmine just like she smells like jasmine?

 

**Fareeha:** Too far and too personal

 

**Lena:** Yeah, please spare us the detail

 

**Angela:** For the record and to clear it up, Fareeha actually makes a very good cinnamon spice chocolate latte. Idk what you guys were thinking…

 

**Genji:** THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE

 

**Jesse:** God you two can be so dumb with your vague sexual innuendos.

 

**Fareeha:** Hey, at least we aren’t as loud as you and Hanzo

**Fareeha:** And my lattes are the best so shut up

 

**Hanzo:** Don’t drag our sex life into this chat…

 

**Genji:** PLEASE DON’T

 

**Moira:** So are we just ignoring me now?

 

**Angela:** WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE????

 

**Moira:** Honestly, I don’t really know. I just learned that that the love of my life is considering marriage and I will never have a chance with her again.

 

**Angela:** I don’t know if we all made it clear but Fareeha is taken. She’s mine so back off.

 

**Sombra:** HAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS EVEN BETTER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

 

**Angela:** What?

 

**Sombra:** YOU THOUGHT MOIRA LIKES FAREEHA????? AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

 

**Angela:** Isn’t that why she is in the chat?

 

**Moira:** Please let me leave. How do you leave a chat?

 

**Sombra:** MOIRA HAHAHAHA I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS HAPPEN OMG TALON IS GOING TO GET A KICK OUT OF THIS.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m so confused…

 

**Angela:** Me too…

 

**Hana:** HEY

**Hana:** Can we still play with Moira’s recently freed bunnies still?

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, you can.

**Sombra:** BUT OMG MOIRA THIS IS THE BEST HAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

**Angela:** Can you please explain what is going on?

 

**Sombra:** Nah, I’ll let you try to figure it out. Haha oh this is the best.

 

**Sombra removed Moira from group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Jesse:** I have no idea what just happen but...hey! We get to pet bunnies.

 

**Hana:** YAY

 

**Lena:** YAY

 

**Lúcio:** YAY

 

**Jack:** Yay :)

 

**Ana:** WOOO

 

**Angela:** Yay?

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “Talon”**

 

**Sombra: *texts screenshots***

**Sombra:** It got even better.

 

**Widowmaker:** What a sad and awkward situation. Haha.

 

**Moira:** Fuck you.

 

**Reaper:** LOL

 

**Moira:** Please stop

 

**Doomfist:** When the girl you like thinks you like her girlfriend. #notrelatablebutfunnyaf

 

**Moira:** Oh god…

 

**Sombra:** This came out even better than we all thought.

 

**Moira:** I can’t believe you guys bet all my bunnies away…

 

**Reaper:** heh

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, me too. I can hear Widowmaker already in Moira’s lab

 

**Moira:** Get out

 

**Widowmaker:** Non, I want to play with bunnies.

 

**Reaper:** lol

 

**Doomfist:** Wait for me

 

**Sombra:** Btw some of Overwatch will swing by to play with them

 

**Reaper:** k

 

**Doomfist:** The more the merrier 

 

**Widowmaker:** Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer, as they always say :)

 

**Moira:** If anyone cares or need me, I’ll be watching Naruto where I know Naruto cares for me.

 

**Reaper:** k

 

**Doomfist:** k

 

**Widowmaker:** k

 

**Sombra:** k

 

**Reaper:** ?

 

**Sombra:** Oh, she fucking tortures the bunnies.

 

**Reaper:** ?!

 

**Moira:** I DO NOT

 

**Sombra:** It is when you’re dressing up your bunnies in those naruto characters!

 

**Moira:** SASUKE AND ITACHI LOVE WEARINGS ROBES OKAY FUCK OFF

 

**Widowmaker:** We are saving those bunnies from the trauma of cosplay

 

**Doomfist:** Talon passed a new rule to do one kind deed a day so we aren’t too dark and depressing and today is bunny saving.

 

**Moira:** What rule?!

 

**Sombra:** Maybe stop watching anime and go attend a team meeting for once in your life you weeaboo!!!

 

**Moira:** AND WHAT HAPPEN THESE PAST FEW DAYS JUST CONFIRMED WHY I STAY IN MY LAB

 

**Widowmaker:** Then stay in there.

 

**Moira:** Do you guys want me to attend a meeting or stay in my lab????

 

**Doomfist:** Both

 

**Moira:** Why did I join this team…?

 

**Reaper:** rip

 

**Sombra:** Mood, Reaper. Big mood.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t hate Moira, anymore...but don’t worry. I’ll incorporate some more love for her in future chapters. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	6. Hypothetically; Being Too Nice

**Hana:** CAN SOMEONE TURN OFF THAT ANNOYING SOUND?!

**Hana:** I CAN’T ENJOY MY VIDEO GROUP DATE WITH THAT RUCKUS!

 

**Lena:** Seriously! It’s so loud.

 

**Angela:** I want to murder the kid who sang that stupid vine.

 

**Jesse:** Dude, if Angela is this annoyed to want to murder, like please shut it off. I’m getting tired about hearing potatoes flying in a room

 

**Fareeha:** Vine died long ago and so shall it’s stupid memes.

 

**Reinhardt:** THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY

 

**Hanzo:** Why was this viral back in the mid 2010’s?

 

**Genji:** WHY IS IT BEING BROUGHT BACK? SHUT OFF THE SPEAKERS

 

**Jack:** I don’t know what’s going on…

 

**Reinhardt:** @WINSTON HEY DO SOMETHING

 

**Ana:** You know he never answers his phone or any messages

 

**Hana:** WHAT’S THE POINT OF EVEN HAVING A FUCKING PHONE THEN?

 

**Lena:** MAKE IT STOP

 

**Fareeha:** @Athena Can you stop blaring that vine from the speakers? 

 

**_[ksiejfalsdkjfdsnviewjtjdgajfoeawpogwor]_ **

 

**_[Unauthorized]_ **

 

**_[kaddff]_ **

 

**_[mal]_ **

 

**_[kdskruuhvaiwuefhlwflkasgvkasggvjkvskjgsd]_ **

 

**_[System...Rebooting]_ **

 

**_[Failure]_ **

 

**Jesse:** What is that?

 

**Hana:** A foreshadowing of our future deaths.

 

**Jack:** No need to be depressing…

 

**Hanzo:** Doesn’t look good. If Athena is malfunctioning, then this is more serious than we thought.

 

**Mei:** Winston said that Athena’s systems is malfunctioning and he can’t find the source.

 

**Lena:** Can he text in the chat like the rest of us? It would be much more easier to talk to him.

 

**Mei:** He says his phone is connected to Athena so it’s malfunctioning as well.

 

**Hana:** IDC CAN YOU PLEASE SOMEHOW TURN IT OFF?

 

**Angela:** Shut it off…please

**Angela:** This is worse than the time that stupid Ding Dong Song played on Genji’s laptop and it got glitched and locked onto this one line.

 

**Jesse:** oh god my ears felt violated. We were all trapped on the ship and couldn’t shut that shit off

 

**Lena:** wtf Genji? Who puts that song, willingly, on to listen?

 

**Genji:** It was a catchy song, okay?

**Genji:** That man’s voice was raw honey and musky techno

**Genji:** Gunther had a sexy voice

 

**Jesse:** It was pure porn sounds and lesbians. it became awkward and weird after 10 minutes of it

**Jesse:** The three golden trio were with us on the ship and it felt like watching porn with your parents...

 

**Ana:** It wasn’t any better for us…

**Ana:** I couldn’t ring doorbells for months because of that incident

 

**Jack:** Okay, that incident has to be worse than this?

 

**Angela:** At least that man can sing

**Angela:** This is just pure torture. Vine died when it was shut down and it should stay dead.

 

**Jesse:** Preach

 

**Reinhardt:** YOU GUYS JUST CAN’T APPRECIATE MEME CULTURE

 

**Jack:** This happened before you were born.

 

**Reinhardt:** VINE STAYED AROUND FOR YEARS AFTER IT’S DEATH. IT DOESN’T DIE. 

 

**Angela:** ILL SLAUGHTER IT AND PUT IT BACK INTO THE DAMN GROUND

 

**Fareeha:** Hana, does Sombra have something to do with this?

 

**Hana:** Sombra isn’t evil.

 

**Sombra:** Shockingly, no. I have nothing to do with this. But I can hear it through the video chat with Hana and Brigitte.

 

**Brigitte:** Who did this and how can we stop this? My cats are hissing.

 

**Jesse:** Can we just turn it off and on?

 

**Ana:** And possibly lose thousands of precious files?

 

**Jack:** Too risky. There are still potential new recruits we need to find that we have files for.

 

**Sombra:** Look, let me investigate into this.

**Sombra:** Give me a second.

 

**Angela:** Please hurry…

 

**Junkrat:** A POTATO FLEW AROUND THE ROOOOM BEFORE YOU CAME

**Junkrat:** THIS KID IS A GENIUS

 

**Fareeha:** Glad that someone enjoys it…

 

**Sombra:** Okay, I just checked your systems and I see that there has been some great disturbance in the online connection. I think there’s something fried. I can’t tell base on my computer

 

**Ana:** When has Overwatch gotten this low that we need technical support from someone at Talon?

 

**Angela:** Since we attend bunny petting zoos together.

 

**Jack:** To be fair, some members from Talon originate from Overwatch so think of it like getting help from old colleagues?

 

**Mei:** Sombra was never in Overwatch.

 

**Jack:** It’s just an idea so we don’t feel like Overwatch has become the bottom of the barrel.

 

**Ana:** bc it really has

 

**Jesse:** I DON’T CARE IF WE HAVE TO JOIN TALON OR MAKE A NEW BLACKWATCH IF THAT IS WHAT IT TAKES TO SHUT OFF THOSE DAMN SPEAKERS

 

**Hana:** I AM WILLINGLY GOING TO TALON TO GET AWAY FROM THIS BULLSHIT

 

**Brigitte:** TAKE ME WITH YOU

 

**Genji:** rip overwatch

 

**Jesse:** rip my ears

 

**Angela:** rip my sanity

 

**Sombra:** Now hold on, I think I found the source

**Sombra:** I think there’s been some kind of malfunction on the soundboard.

 

**Lúcio:** Um? You sure?

 

**Hana:** Oh hey! Nice for you to join the party. Have you not heard of the vine that is fucking blaring across headquarters??

 

**Lúcio:** I know we are having a problem but, hypothetically, how would you dislodge a CD from...something?

 

**Angela:** Not now, Lúcio. Sombra, can you fix it?

 

**Sombra:** I can’t. There’s a physical object that is imbedded into the soundboard and the system is reading off from it, causing it to blare out that vine.

 

**Jack:** Can you make that simpler to understand?

 

**Hana:** Foreign object is in soundboard. How do you not get that?

 

**Jack:** Shut up, I’m old. Give me a break.

 

**Hana:** You had a break when you faked your death now get with the program

 

**Jack:** Watch your tone, Hana. We are all frustrated too

 

**Genji:** You look sooooo frustrated there, Jack.

**Genji:** Sipping on your damn coffee and not lifting a finger to do anything

 

**Jack:** I’m bad with technology so I’ll let you youngsters figure it out.

 

**Hana:** NOT HELPFUL

 

**Lúcio:** Okay great! Now can someone answer my question?

 

**Hana:** PRESS THE FUCKING EJECT BUTTON OKAY?

 

**Lúcio:** What if it’s not properly in place?

 

**Angela:** Can your problem wait?

 

**Satya:** Another hypothetical question, if I kill a certain member of Overwatch, will you guys make a big deal out of it?

 

**Fareeha:** If it’s Junkrat, that's fine. We prefer Roadhog bc he's quiet and does what he is told.

 

**Junkrat:** RUDE

**Junkrat:** I can listen too

 

**Ana:** Say that for all the holes you made in the walls.

 

**Satya:** Hypothetically, what if it wasn’t Junkrat but someone even more annoying and is always passive aggressive with me 24/7?

 

**Hana:** WHO FUCKING CARES WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS

 

**Lúcio:** Hypothetically, would you guys care if I kill someone before they kill me?

 

**Satya:** Hypothetically would it be self-defense if the person trying to kill me attacked first and I attack 2nd?

 

**Angela:** HYPOTHETICALLY I WILL MURDER YOU TWO IF YOU HYPOTHETICALLY SAY HYPOTHETICALLY 

 

**Jesse:** SOOOOMBRA FIX IT BEFORE ANGELA GOES INTO BATTLE MODE

 

**Fareeha:** hot

 

**Jesse:** NOT THE TIME FAREEHA

 

**Sombra:** I’m not at Overwatch physically. You guys should check your soundboard and see what is causing the disturbances.

 

**Genji:** Where the fuck is our soundboard?

 

**Hanzo:** You’ve been here how long and you don’t know where the soundboard is?

 

**Genji:** HEY

**Genji:** SHUT UP

**Genji:** Brother chopper.

 

**Mei:** It should be near Winston’s room. I’ll go check it out.

 

**Hana:** HURRY

 

**Junkrat:** Oi, this girl’s voice gets better and better the more I hear it.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** IT’S BEEN TWO HOURS I AM LOSING MY MIND

 

**Hanzo:** Please stop it.

 

**Genji:** Well go find the soundboard yourself if you have to complain.

**Genji:** You’re not the only one who is suffering.

 

**Hanzo:** Leave me alone.

 

**Genji:** Stop complaining.

 

**Angela:** Shut up you two.

 

**Mei:** Sorry, sorry, sorry.

**Mei:** Long story short, there’s a literal CD just crammed into the sound board and Zarya and Winston haven’t been able to pull it out.

 

**Jack:** How?

 

**Mei:** I don’t know. It looks like someone jammed the CD into the soundboard like how one would cram mail into a tiny slit in a wall.

 

**Junkrat:** Giggity

 

**Lúcio:** Just pull it out?

 

**Junkrat:** Aw...

 

**Mei:** If it was that simple, we wouldn’t be suffering for 2 hours.

 

**Fareeha:** Alright, I’m coming up. Let a real woman fix it. 

 

**Zarya:** You are not real woman until you can hold your vodka without puking.

 

**Fareeha:** Okay, that was one time and I wasn’t ready to hold that much vodka.

 

**Zarya:** I never saw someone puke before the vodka even touched their tongue.

 

**Fareeha:** I needed a refresher, okay?

 

**Angela:** Baby, I love you. I support you. But get your tight ass up there and fix it already before I use your rocket launcher.

 

**Fareeha:** Yes milady

 

**Zarya:** Whipped.

 

**Hana:** LESS TALKING MORE DOING

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** @Zarya there was no need to crush Fareeha’s fingers.

 

**Zarya:** It was an accident.

 

**Angela:** Fareeha told me you did it on purpose.

 

**Genji:** What did she do??

 

**Mei:** I’m sorry, Dr. Ziegler. Zarya just gets competitive with Fareeha.

 

**Hanzo:** ??

 

**Mei:** Zarya challenge Fareeha to an arm wrestle match and Fareeha lost.

 

**Jesse:** WHAT ABOUT THE CD?

 

**Mei:** Fareeha couldn’t pull it out and Zarya trashed talked her until they got aggressive.

 

**Hana:** YEAH IT’S BEEN 3 HOURS SO EITHER SOMEONE ELSE GO UP AND FIX IT FOR IM COMING UP AND SHOOTING THE PLACE UP

 

**Sombra:** Calm down, babe. 

 

**Brigitte:** We love you. We support you. But your pistol is only good for taking out spiders.

 

**Hana:** HALFSKJHFKHRKSHGKHESGKLHDLGKHDK;GDHK

 

**Jesse:** I’LL BE THE ONE AND SHOOT UP THE STUPID SOUNDBOARD

**Jesse:** WATCH MY HAT FOR ME BABE

 

**Hanzo:** You didn’t need to throw it at me.

 

**Jack:** Can we not cause more damage?

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** What now?

 

**Jack:** That was a loud explosion...

 

**Jesse:** HOW THE FUCK IS IT STILL PLAYING THAT FUCKING VINE. I SHOT IT LIKE 60 TIMES

 

**Hana:** I’M COMING UP AND SHOOTING IT

 

**Jesse:** HANA, YOUR FUCKING PISTOL WON’T DO ANYTHING SO JUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM BEFORE YOU EXPLODE.

 

**Hana:** HEY AT LEAST I FUCKING OFFERED

**Hana:** I WILL NERF THE FUCK OUT OF THAT SOUND BOARD

 

**Jesse:** NEVERMIND PLEASE GO GET YOUR MEKA AND NERF THE SHIT OUT OF IT

 

**Hana:** MY PLEASURE

**Hana:** NERF THIS

 

**Ana:** Wait no no!!

**Ana:** Anything but that!

 

XXX

 

**Genji:** IMMA COMING GUYS

 

**Hanzo:** DON’T BRING MY BOW AND ARROW WITH YOU.

 

**Genji:** DOUBLE SHIMADA POWER

 

**Hanzo:** STOP THAT’S MY GOOD BOW AND ARROW

 

XXX

 

**Reinhardt:** I WILL BE YOUR SHIELD

 

**Junkrat:** FIRE IN THE HOLE

 

**Mei:** FREEZE DON’T MOVE

**Mei:** YOU’RE GOING TO BLOW THE SYSTEM

 

XXX

 

**Torbjörn:** MOLTEN CORE

 

**Ana:** EVERYONE STOP!

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** BATTLE MERCY

 

**Ana:** PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST NANOBOOSTED YOURSELF!?

 

**Jack:** I’ll go stop everyone.

**Jack:** I got them in my sights!

 

**Ana:** No stop!

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** It’s gotten quiet.

**Sombra:** I can’t see shit.

**Sombra:** What’s happening over there?

 

**Brigitte:** So everyone released their ultimates.

**Brigitte:** Everyone is at the medical bay. Zenyatta is taking care of everyone, with Bastion’s help.

**Brigitte:** No idea where Lúcio and Satya are at.

 

**Sombra:** So who fixed it?

 

**Brigitte:** Roadhog, he just plucked it out.

 

**Sombra:** Oh.

**Sombra:** That’s good then.

**Sombra:** Any idea on how or why a CD was crammed into the sound board?

 

**Brigitte:** You know, I think it’s better if we don’t find out.

 

**Sombra:** True. Now hypothetically, would it be too much to do something like this to Talon?

 

**Brigitte:** ;) Hypothetically, no.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

**Lúcio:** I still think it’s your fault for the incident but can we make a truce to never tell the group how it happen?

 

**Satya:** For the record, it was not my fault at all. Even if it was, you were dumb enough to keep testing me.

**Satya:** I’ll make a truce if you agree to accept 75% of the blame.

 

**Lúcio:** 40%

 

**Satya:** 60%

 

**Lúcio:** 45%

 

**Satya:** I’m not accepting 50%

 

**Lúcio:** 55% and I’ll give you soundproof headphones.

 

**Satya:** Make it 60% and I’ll admit that your father was maybe a little brainwashed by Vishkar.

 

**Lúcio:** Deal.

 

**Satya:** Fine.

 

**Lúcio:** God it feels weird to be agreeing on something with you.

 

**Satya:** Likewise.

 

XXX

 

**In a group chat called “TALON”**

 

**Reaper:** !!!

**Reaper:** AAH

 

**Widowmaker:** @Sombra this is not funny.

 

**Doomfist:** It’s been 3 hours.

 

**Moira:** Best three hours of my life!

**Moira:** We are fighting dreamers takami wo mezashite   
**Moira:** Fighting dreamers narifuri kamawazu   
**Moira:** Fighting dreamers shinjiru ga mama ni   
**Moira:** Oli oli oli oh-! just go my way!

 

**Sombra:** You guys knew I would do something like this just for fun.

 

**Widowmaker:** Just because you get to run off with your Overwatch gfs for safety doesn’t mean we should suffer as well…

 

**Doomfist:** MOIRA I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOUR LAB IF YOU KEEP SINGING OUT LOUD

 

**Moira:** WAIT STOP STOP I’LL STOP

 

**Doomfist:** ONLY THROUGH CONFLICT DO WE EVOLVE

 

**Moira:** I’M TOO OLD TO EVOLVE 

 

**Reaper:** Rip

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re right, Reaper. We don’t have enough funds to fix those walls now.

 

**Moira:** OF ALL THE WALLS TO BREAK, WHY DID YOU BREAK THE WALL THAT HELD ALL MY ONE PIECE FIGURES?

**Moira:** I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THEM

 

**Doomfist:** Everyone, she has thousands of those anime figurines 

**Doomfist: *texts photo***

 

**Sombra:** dear god…

 

**Widowmaker:** How do you even have money to buy all of those dolls?

 

**Sombra:** She used your family fortunes

 

**Moira:** Sombra...you promised to keep that a secret…

 

**Sombra:** I had my fingers crossed

 

**Widowmaker:** Well that explains a lot about those blank spots on my bill records and bank statements

 

**Reaper:** rip

 

**Widowmaker:** I’ll overlook this if @Sombra replaces that cartoon music with the Nutcracker Theme song.

 

**Doomfist:** That is true music and art

 

**Reaper:** :)

 

**Sombra:** No problem ;)

 

**Moira:** Can I still use your fortunes to order more of my pop figures?

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re almost 50 years old, don’t you think this looks pathetic on you? Begging a younger woman for money?

 

**Moira:** Is it working?

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Moira:** Damn

 

**Sombra:** I’ll buy off a few of your fanfics.

 

**Moira:** Really?

 

**Sombra:** Sure. I know someone who would read your shit.

 

**Moira:** YES

 

**Widowmaker:** Sombra, don’t use my money. I can see the notification for the withdraw.

 

**Sombra:** You’re loaded af. What’s the point of it sitting in a bank and not using it?

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m saving up. Why else would I rarely touch it?

 

**Doomfist:** Donate to Talon. We need to upgrade from one-ply toilet paper…

 

**Widowmaker:** Why would I give my money to the organization that turned me?

 

**Doomfist:** Why are you still here?

 

**Widowmaker:** I can’t exactly just walk around in public with blue skin and live a mundane life.

 

**Reaper:** ugh

 

**Sombra:** That’s right Reaper. She won’t admit she actually likes spending time with us. She totally loves us.

 

**Widowmaker:** No, I don’t.

 

**Sombra:** Upgrade us from one-ply toilet paper and we will drop it.

 

**Widowmaker:** Only because I hate Talon’s one-ply toilet paper.

 

**Doomfist:** YES

 

**Reaper:** YAY

 

**Moira:** Can you at least pay for my broken wall?

 

**Widowmaker:** Only because I don’t want to have to see your face when I walk by.

**Widowmaker:** I don’t understand those triangles on your forehead 

 

**Moira:** It’s called fashion 

 

**Doomfist:** Wait? Those weren’t her second eyebrows?

 

**Sombra:** HAHA

 

**Moira:** Shut up. Don’t make fun of them.

 

**Sombra:** But like??? Why?

 

**Moira:** They just look good on me, okay?

 

**Sombra:** You’re a cross between David Bowie and Phantom of the Opera

 

**Moira:** I make it look good.

 

**Doomfist:** I’ll give you that. Only you can pull it off.

 

**Moira:** Were you just...complimenting me?

 

**Doomfist:** I guess. Sure.

 

**Reaper:** !!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Look at what you did, Akande. Now Moira thinks we can actually nice to her.

 

**Sombra:** You don’t really hate her, Widow~

**Sombra:** Yeah, she did some fucked up things and dark, unethical things in her prime but she’s pretty tame now.

 

**Moira:** you guys don’t really hate me?

**Moira:** I feel like crying with happiness.

 

**Widowmaker:** She’s perked up Talon since she came. I’ll give her that.

 

**Moira:** Another compliment? YAY

 

**Widowmaker:** We are giving her too much confidence.

 

**Reaper:** !!!

 

**Sombra:** Relax, Reaper. Who goes crazy for a little compliment?

 

XXX

 

**Widowmaker:** You had to compliment her, Akande!

 

**Doomfist:** You did too.

 

**Sombra:** I am gone for a few hours and I come back home to a beer fest?

 

**Reaper:** Wah

 

**Widowmaker:** I didn’t think she was even a drinker...

 

**Doomfist:** I thought Irish drunks was a stereotype...

 

**Reaper:** !!!

 

**Widowmaker:** I didn’t think she was that light weight.

 

**Sombra:** Where are you guys???

 

**Doomfist:** Hiding in my room

 

**Widowmaker:** Get out and help me find her.

 

**Sombra:** What happen?

 

**Reaper:** ?

 

**Widowmaker:** Just tell her, Reaper.

 

**Reaper:** Moira offered to buy us beer, using Widow’s money.

**Reaper:** It was just a kind gesture from her and we didn’t think too much about it.

**Reaper:** She took one drink and she was out.

**Reaper:** She rode Doomfist like a horse

**Reaper:** Dressed up a baguette to look like Widowmaker

**Reaper:** Broke a wall with her fist

**Reaper:** kept throwing her healing balls at us until the healing started to actually hurt

**Reaper:** And then narooto?? run out of the building.

 

**Sombra:** Wow.

 

**Doomfist:** I don’t understand why our compliments got us into this scenario…

 

**Widowmaker:** We gave her the power.

 

**Reaper:** I told you guys that if you’re too nice to her, she’ll go crazy. Kindness is such a rarity for her, she treats it like a drug. Last time I was too nice to her, she turned me into who I am.

 

**Moira:** OH NOW YOU TEXT MORE THAN THREE LETTERS

 

**Reaper:** no

 

**Moira:** DON’T YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME

**Moira:** I DID NOT HELP YOU SO YOU CAN WUSS OUT BEHIND A SCREEN

 

**Reaper:** HELP ME? YOU FUCKING TURN ME INTO A BLACK CLOUD OF DEATH

 

**Moira:** AT LEAST YOU HAVE FEELINGS

 

**Reaper:** TOO MUCH FEELINGS

 

**Moira:** UN-FUCKING-GRATEFUL

 

**Reaper:** YOU PUT ME UNDER FOR HOURS

**Reaper:** IT WAS THE MOST TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE

**Reaper:** I FELT EVERYTHING

**Reaper:** EVERY SLICE AND PROBE

 

**Moira:** YOU SEEM STABLE NOW

 

**Reaper:** NO ONE HAS ACCUSED ME THAT IN A LONG TIME

 

**Moira:** Sucha baby, little Gabe 

 

**Reaper:** HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I DID THAT TO YOU?

 

**Moira:** Kinky.

 

**Reaper:** Fuck you.

 

**Moira:** Iz dat a threat ore ah promise?

 

**Sombra:** I just heard him crying off into his room.

 

**Doomfist:** Huh.

**Doomfist:** This whole time, Reaper was actually scared of Moira.

 

**Widowmaker:** All because you complimented her first.

**Widowmaker:** She exposed our new weakness.

 

**Doomfist:** Through conflict, we evolve.

 

**Sombra:** She just came back and stormed into her room.

**Sombra:** We’re not evolving. We are de-evolving.

**Sombra:** Let’s not start losing Talon members now...

 

**Doomfist:** Well, I’m not going out to look for Moira.

 

**Sombra:** *shrugs*

**Sombra:** Oh well, I’ll just say we tried

 

XXX

 

 **Moira:** Guys, what happen last night?

 

**Widowmaker:** Nothing

 

**Sombra:** Nada

 

**Doomfist:** Nothing

 

**Reaper:** No.

 

**Moira:** Did my vodka aunt persona come out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can be nice to Moira but she’s not good at handling it. But, tbh, I would drink with her. She sounds fun to hang with. As long as she doesn’t cut me open.
> 
> Let me know what you think by kudo, comments, or subscribe. :)
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	7. Blizzard World and Balls

**In group chat “Talon”**

 

**Moira:** Last night, I bought 5 mini baguettes for our little Talon potluck later tonight.

**Moira:** When I checked this morning, they are all gone. 

**Moira:** Did one of you guys eat them all?

 

**Doomfist:** @Widowmaker

 

**Sombra:** @Widowmaker

 

**Reaper:** @Widowmaker

 

**Widowmaker:** Just because I’m French, doesn’t mean I follow the stereotypes.

 

**Moira:** I just found a trail of crumbs leading to your room.

 

**Widowmaker:** I was framed.

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Sombra:** I don’t remember any announcement for a Talon potluck

 

**Moira:** Well, I thought it might be a great way to bond.

**Moira:** I would like Reaper to stop hissing at me everytime he sees me now.

 

**Doomfist:** I don’t think it helps that you travel through the air ducts and try to chase him down.

 

**Moira:** I just want to be friends again. :(

 

**Reaper:** Friends don’t cut each other up.

 

**Moira:** It’s in the past. I’m a changed woman.

 

**Widowmaker:** For the worse.

 

**Moira:** Rude.

 

**Sombra:** If ‘changed’ means watching the entire season of Love Live School Idol Project and then blaring their music for 6 hours straight. Then yeah, it’s for the worse.

 

**Moira:** Naruto wouldn’t shame me like this…

 

**Sombra:** He would.

 

**Reaper:** Na-Roo-Toe 

 

**Moira:** Tor Til Dah

 

**Sombra:** Moira, you uncultured swine.

 

**Moira:** He started it.

 

**Sombra:** I’m ending it.

**Sombra: *texts photo***

 

**Moira:** I swear that was a phase…

 

**Reaper:** That is the ugliest outfit ever and the most disgusting fake tan I have ever seen.

 

**Moira:** I thought Ganguro was rebellious and awesome when it came back into style in Japan.

 

**Doomfist:** You probably ruined it by showing up, dressed like that…

 

**Moira:** Genji thought it was fine…

 

**Reaper:** Genji was a depressed and ansty teen in those days. He says ‘fine’ like it was his first word.

 

**Sombra:** It’s hard to believe Blackwatch Genji influenced Moira into anime

 

**Moira:** What?

**Moira:** I introduced Genji to anime and manga

 

**Sombra:** Qué?

 

**Reaper:** YOU?

 

**Moira:** What? 

 

**Reaper:** I thought it was the other way around…

 

**Moira:** No, he just asked what I was reading one day and I let him borrow a copy of Rosario Vampire. The rest is history.

 

**Sombra:** Honestly, I think you saved Genji’s sanity...

 

**Widowmaker:** Unreal…

 

**Reaper:** Unbelievable…

 

**Moira:** You’re welcome.

 

**Reaper:** This still doesn’t make up for turning me into a monster.

 

**Moira:** OH MY GOD GET OVER IT

 

**Reaper:** I FEEL TOO MUCH

 

**Moira:** DRAMA QUEEN

 

**Reaper:** CRAZY PUTA

 

**Moira:** What did you call me?

 

**Sombra:** He called you a crazy bitch.

 

**Moira:** Oh.

**Moira:** Emo nube de humo la llorona de llorar

 

**Reaper:** You did not just use Google translate….

 

**Sombra:** Uncultured…

 

**Moira:** I’m not uncultured. Sorry, I never learned Spanish. I never had time

 

**Sombra:** WELL DON’T USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE

**Sombra:** My god...

 

**Widowmaker:** Can we not have another fight? I don’t want to pay for more broken walls.

 

**Doomfist:** Only through conflict, do we evolve.

 

**Widowmaker:** All we have done is fight these past few days.

 

**Reaper:** Overwatch would laugh at us if they saw this…

 

**Sombra:** Oh their chats are worse, trust me.

**Sombra:** They all took a trip to Blizzard World and the chat is a riot.

 

**Doomfist:** Lucky.

 

**Reaper:** Is that why we haven’t seen you all morning?

 

**Sombra:** YEP

 

**Moira:** UNFAIR

 

**Widowmaker:** We can just go ourselves…

 

**Reaper:** Are you paying for us?

 

**Widowmaker:** Paying?

**Widowmaker:** Did you guys forget that I worked at Blizzard World as Nova Terra for a short time?

**Widowmaker:** I can just get you guys in for free.

 

**Sombra:** Why do you work when you have a buttload of money already??

 

**Widowmaker:** No comment.

 

**Moira:** Whatever, lets just go!

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Ana:** Please tell me that we didn’t have anything to do with the missing segment on the Deeprun Tram.

 

**Genji:** It was in the way.

 

**Ana:** ….Genji…

 

**Reinhardt:** I AM SORRY AS WELL

 

**Ana:** Reinhardt…

 

**Jack:** It could have been worse.

**Jack:** Reinhardt could’ve hit civilians with his charge.

 

**Hanzo:** That didn’t mean he should put Genji on his shoulders and charge out of the Nydus Worm Slide…

 

**Genji:** We’re at the Spawning Pools Water Park. It was meant to happen.

 

**Jesse:** You almost drowned me, you fuckers.

 

**Genji:** You shouldn’t have been in the way.

 

**Ana:** There are normal civilians around….

 

**Genji:** Weak af

 

**Jesse:** You’re reckless af

 

**Genji:** Get on my level

 

**Jesse:** Oh don’t test me.

 

**Ana:** Did I just hear...firecrackers?

 

**Jack:** Jesse upgraded his flash bomb with firecrackers and throwing them at Genji.

**Jack:** I guess I should stop them…

 

**Hanzo:** Let the little shit run around.

 

**Genji:** @Angela Jesse ruined your bikini bottom

 

**Angela:** Those were my favorite bottoms, Genji!

 

**Hana:** Wait what?

**Hana:** Genji, you’re wearing Angela’s bikini bottoms????

 

**Genji:** yep yep

 

**Angela:** He forgot his swim trunks so I jokingly offered him mine and he actually took it.

 

**Hana:** So he’s really wearing a bikini bottom…??

 

**Genji:** I have no shame.

 

**Hanzo:** I do.

 

**Jesse:** Can he borrow Fareeha’s?

 

**Fareeha:** No…

 

**Genji:** Too late.

 

**Fareeha:** Genji, those are my favorite….

 

**Angela:** Well, I guess we aren’t swimming today…

**Angela:** This is the last time I leave our stuff with you guys

 

**Ana:** Where are you two?

 

**Angela:** We just got off Tyrael’s Fall ride.

 

**Hana:** How was it?

 

**Angela:** It’s was okay but it was just going up high and back down.

 

**Jack:** Is Junkrat with you guys?

 

**Fareeha:** I thought he was with you guys?

 

**Jack:** Hana, is he with you guys?

 

**Hana:** It’s just me,Somba, Brigitte, Lena, and Lúcio at the Heroes Arcade.

 

**Jack:** Ah…

**Jack:** @Mei Is Junkrat with you guys?

 

**Mei:** I thought he was with you guys?

 

**Jack:** @Roadhog

 

**Roadhog:** I’m gone for a bathroom break and you guys already lost him?

 

**Angela:** You guys are sitting in one spot. How do you lose someone??

 

**Jesse:** We’re not his babysitters.

 

**Fareeha:** But he likes to blow things up.

 

**Genji:** So we just wait until we hear an explosion.

 

XXX

 

**Satya:** He was suppose to stay with you guys…

 

**Jesse:** Or until Satya gets mad. That works.

 

**Jack:** So where are you guys at?

 

**Satya:** In the Den of Evil.

 

**Jesse:** Is it scary?

 

**Satya:** It was until Junkrat exploded the place.

 

**Lúcio:** So you’re fine? Darn.

 

**Junkrat:** The guy shouldn’t have spooked me!!!

 

**Satya:** It was literally just Zenyatta.

 

**Junkrat:** He shouldn’t have spooked me!

 

**Genji:** If you hurt my Master, Junkrat, you will pay!

 

**Angela:** HOW DID YOU GET INTO THE THEME PARK WITH BOMBS? WE MADE SURE YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY

 

**Junkrat:** Missed one!

 

**Jack:** We should leave. Huh?

 

**Ana:** Or just say we aren’t associated with Junkrat.

 

**Hana:** We are not leaving. My group and Angela and Fareeha are almost next in line for The Hellscream.

 

**Jesse:** YOU DIDN’T WAIT FOR US?

 

**Genji:** UNFAIR

 

**Angela:** If you get here before we get on, then you’re more than free to join our group.

 

**Jack:** They just ran off with a charging Reinhardt.

 

**Fareeha:** We’re dead.

 

**Ana:** Yeah, I’m going to leave before someone actually dies.

 

**Mei:** Me too…

 

**Satya:** I’m heading back to the van so if anyone wants to leave with me, you can.

 

**Junkrat:** Saya wait for me!

 

**Satya:** Leave me alone.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “TALON”**

 

**Doomfist:** @Sombra Where did you go? Are you alright? We saw the collision...

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, I ran off before Reinhardt crashed into the group.

 

**Reaper:** That was cutting it close.

**Reaper:** It happen so fast.

 

**Sombra:** I’m just glad I got Hana out and Brigitte took her shied out in time.

 

**Doomfist:** Can’t say the same for the rest…

 

**Reaper:** I didn’t even see Moira run so fast…

 

**Doomfist:** It was sweet of her to see if Angela was okay but…

**Doomfist: *texts photo***

 

**Sombra:** Ouch. 

**Sombra:** She’s going to need Mei to calm that swelling down.

 

**Reaper:** Angela didn’t have to react so violently…

 

**Widowmaker:** She slapped the life out of Moira…

**Widowmaker:** Oh she stopped.

**Widowmaker:** Oh, Fareeha joined in.

 

**Sombra:** You guys should go help her…she’s our only healer...

 

**Reaper:** Fine.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

**Moira:** You didn’t have to hit me so much :(((

 

**Angela:** You should’ve watched were your hands were touching.

 

**Moira:** I tripped. :(((

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Genji:** This is truly our lowest point.

 

**Angela:** Don’t fucking say it.

 

**Genji:** We got pelted with Moira’s balls.

 

**Angela:** I swear to god…

 

**Jesse:** We were teabagged by Moira’s balls.

 

**Angela:** Shut up.

 

**Hana:** You guys had balls in your faces.

 

**Angela:** Stop it.

 

**Lúcio:** Balls, Balls, Balls

 

**Angela:** STOP IT

 

**Lena:** To the windooooow

 

**Jesse:** To the ballsss

 

**Genji:** To dat balls.

 

**Jesse:** To the sweat drop down my balls

 

**Reinhardt:** MY BALLS

 

**Genji:** To all these Overwatch bitches crawl

 

**Angela:** STOP

 

**Fareeha:** Moira broke them, Angela. It’s useless.

 

**Sombra:** At least you guys are all healed up?

 

**Satya:** But with trauma.

 

**Ana:** Too much balls.

 

**Sombra:** She was just trying to help.

 

**Hana:** I don’t know why they are traumatized by Moira’s balls when Zenyatta literally throws his balls all the time.

 

**Genji:** Her big balls follow you

 

**Jesse:** and latch on

 

**Genji:** Big booty balls

 

**Jesse:** BALLS

 

**Angela:** SHUT UP

 

**Genji:** BALLS

 

**Angela:** YOU DON’T HAVE ANY BALLS

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Hanzo:** HAHAHAH SHE IS RIGHT. YOU DON’T HAVE ANY, GENJI

 

**Jesse:** Harsh…

**Jesse:** But...wow….Angela, you made Hanzo genuinely laugh.

 

**Hana:** ahahahahhahahahjfkdkgdlksgjk

 

**Genji:** YOU TOOK THEM FROM ME.

 

**Angela:** THEY FELL OFF WHEN I TRIED TO PUT YOU BACK TOGETHER.

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Jack:** I heard him run off.

 

**Fareeha:** He just took Zenyatta’s orbs, huh?

 

**Jesse:** ORB FIGHT

 

**Ana:** You guys just got back to headquarters and you’re already fighting?

 

**Jack:** Oh.

**Jack:** I hear Genji pelting Angela with orbs.

 

**Mei:** I expected this from Hana, Lena, and Lúcio. 

**Mei:** I do not expect Fareeha, Jesse, Genji, and Angela having an orb fight.

 

**Hana:** Wow, rude.

**Hana:** We can be dumb too.

 

**Lena:** Just wait. We will fuck this place up one day.

 

**Lúcio:** @Junkrat you should join us.

 

**Junkrat:** OKAY

 

**Lena:** Come down to the stairs

 

**Hana:** I have an idea

 

**Mei:** Oh no...

 

XXX

 

**Satya:** Why did you take my sentry turrets, Jamison!?

 

**Junkrat: *post photo***

**Junkrat:** BEHOLD THE BASKETBALL TURRET OF DEATH

 

**Jack:** LÚCIO WHY

 

**Ana:** WE JUST GOT A NEW COFFEE TABLE

 

**Lúcio:** I REGRET THIS

 

**Hana:** I TOLD YAH THAT WE WILL FUCK UP

 

**Lena:** it was your idea hana!!!

 

**Hana:** You encouraged it!

 

**Brigitte:** WHAT IS ALL THAT RACKET UP THERE?

 

**Lúcio:** TOO MUCH BALLS

 

**Sombra:** Dear god…

 

**Angela:** I DID NOT SPEND MY HARD WORKING YEARS FOR MY MEDICAL DEGREES TO BE DEFEATED BY BASKETBALLS WITH LASER BEAMS

 

**Jesse:** THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT GENJI

 

**Genji:** ANGELA KNEW BETTER THAN TO HIT ME WHERE IT HURTS

 

**Fareeha:** YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO PELT HER WITH ORBS

 

**Genji:** I WASN’T GOING TO LET HER ONE UP ME

 

**Jack:** God this is a mess.

 

**Ana:** If we close our eyes, maybe it’ll disappear

 

**Fareeha:** Like when my dad left?

 

**Ana:** I SWEAR TO GOD FAREEHA YOU JUST HAD DINNER WITH HIM ON XMAS!DON’T PULL THAT SHIT ON ME

 

XXX

 

**Hanzo:** There are people who are actually doing something with their lives. Us? Watching kids over 30 act like circus freaks.

 

**Satya:** Order and discipline, Hanzo. That is the only way to live...I fear their immaturity has already ruined my sanity long ago.

 

**Hanzo:** I sense a kindred spirit in you, however. At least you are not dating an immature kid that thinks my bow and arrow can turn into a living dragon.

 

**Satya:** Love makes you blind. At least you don’t deal with an annoying musician that won’t stop playing his music and a creature that sprung out from the dirt, wielding dynamites.

 

**Hanzo:** I agree, Satya. Love does make one blind. Perhaps, one day, we may find a way to tolerate this lack of professionalism within Overwatch.

 

**Satya:** My dear friend, I hope we may.

 

**Hanzo:** Until then, I wish you the best.

 

**Genji:** BAALLLS

 

**Hanzo:** SHUT UP GENJI SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO BEING UNCONSCIOUS YOU DISGRACE OF THE SHIMADA FAMILY

 

**Genji:** THE SHIMADA FAMILY CAN SUCK MY FUCKING BALLS

 

**Angela:** YOU HAVE NONE

 

**Genji:** AND I ATE ALL YOUR SWISS CHOCOLATES

 

**Fareeha:** I PAID FOR THOSE CHOCOLATES

 

**Jesse:** WOOOO ROUND 2

 

**Ana:** LIGHTS OUT

 

XXX

 

**_[Due to recent events, Doctor Angela Ziegler, Captain Fareeha Amari, Jesse McCree, and Genji Shimada will not be in commission for a few days. Please refer to Zenyatta or Ana Amari for any medical assistance. Also, any form or crude reference to the word ‘ball’ is banned and will be fined with a 75 hours of community service. Thanks for your understanding. - Winston]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be illegal for Moira’s Balls to bounce off walls and chase you down. No, I totally did not get nightmares watching that shit bounce off the walls.
> 
> Let me know what you think by kudo,comment, and subscribing if you want. :)
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd
> 
> SPOILER FOR NEXT CHAPTER:
> 
> It’s filled with cancerous, toxic, memes and songs, and it’ll make you wish you never read a chat fic again. Warning. ;)


	8. BOOF; MEMES

**In a private message:**

 

 **Sombra:** Hey, Lúcio. Go on the chat and just say, ‘Who let the dogs out?’

 **Sombra:** And watch what will happen.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Lúcio:** Who let the dogs out?

 

 **Genji:** BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** BOOF

 

 **Angela:** BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** BOOF

 

 **Genji:** WTF??

 

 **Jesse:** I didn't type that at all...

 

 **Lúcio:** SOMBRA I LOVE YOU.

 

 **Hana:** Who let the dogs out?

 

 **Genji:** How did this - BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** Sombra I will fucking- BOOF

 

 **Angela:** I swear to god this is enough. We already had to work 75 hour in - BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** I hate you all, you little - BOOF

 

 **Hana:** AHAHAHAHAH IM DED LOLOLOL

 

 **Lena:** OMFG YES

 

 **Angela:** What the actual fuck?

 

 **Jesse:** It sent my message before I finished??!?

 

 **Reinhardt:** WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

 

 **Genji:** BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** BOOF

 

 **Angela:** BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** I will shove a - BOOF

 **Fareeha:** STOP SENDING THAT TEXT AND LET ME FINISH

 

 **Lena:** THIS IS HILARIOUS

 

 **Hana:** PLEASE KEEP DOING THIS!

 

 **Ana:** Who let the dogs out?

 

 **Genji:** I am a - BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** Fuck me in my -BOOF

 

 **Angela:** Suck my fat -BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** Fist me in my - BOOF

 

 **Ana:**...

 **Ana:** Y’all need Allah.

 

 **Jack:** You guys need Jesus.

 

 **Hanzo:** Kami. You all need Kami.

 

 **Lena:** Gross.

 

 **Lúcio:** Now they ruined it.

 

 **Hana:** Really mature, you middle aged farts.

 

 **Sombra:** Darn it...they got smarter already….

 

 **Angela:** Now change it back.

 

 **Sombra:** Naw, this is funny af

 

 **Jesse:** Why us four?

 

 **Jack:** You, four, needed extra discipline.

 

 **Fareeha:** Jack?

 **Fareeha:** Was this your idea?

 

 **Jack:** No.

 **Jack:** I told Sombra that I should punish you guys for how you guys acted with the ‘orb’ incident and she came up with this.

 **Jack:** Is it disciplining you guys?

 

 **Fareeha:** It’s pissing me off.

 

 **Angela:** Hana, Lúcio, and Lena threw turret basketballs on us! SO punish them????

 

 **Junkrat:** I MADE THOSE :)

 

 **Fareeha:** SHUT UP

 

 **Lena:** Who let the dogs out?

 

 **Genji:** Angela took my big, round- BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** Fareeha has a Daddy -BOOF

 

 **Angela:** BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** BOOF

 

 **Angela:** Ok, you two set that up…

 

 **Genji:** worth it.

 

 **Fareeha:** Rude.

 

 **Jesse:** I had to, okay?

 

 **Angela:** If anyone needs discipline, it’s the young kids!

 

 **Jack:** The young makes mistakes. The older ones should have learned their mistakes by now.

 

 **Jesse:** lol wat?

 

 **Angela:** You’re just encouraging their behavior.

 

 **Hana:** True.

 

 **Lúcio:** We can be much worse.

 

 **Lena:** so much worse

 

 **Hana:** old farts

 

 **Lúcio:** all waiting in line for botox

 

 **Jesse:** It was one time...

 

 **Genji:** Your face blew up so bad ahahahah

 

 **Angela:** I do not use Botox!

 

 **Fareeha:** I’m not even over 35

 

 **Jesse:** …

 

 **Genji:** …

 

 **Angela:** …

 

 **Fareeha:** Sorry

 

 **Angela:** You better be.

 

 **Hana:** You guys deserve this.

 

 **Lena:** You do.

 

 **Genji:** No we don’t

 

 **Jesse:** You think this is the worse we dealt with?

 **Jesse:** We can show you how bad we can be.

 

 **Angela:** Us big kids will show you how it’s done.

 

 **Jack:** Well...there goes trying to discipline them…

 

 **Ana:** What other results did you actually expect, Jack??

 

 **Genji:** Do it, twinks.

 **Genji:** Say it again.

 

 **Lúcio:** Well, Agent Hana? It’s on your call.

 

 **Hana:** They are bluffing…

 **Hana:** Lena, say it.

 

 **Lena:** WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

 

 **Genji:** Lena sucks big giant juicy- BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** Lúcio rims big booty - BOOF

 

 **Angela:** Hana has tiny little - BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** Cool kids say -BOOF

 

 **Hana:** THEY ARE NOT SMALL THEY ARE AVERAGE

 

 **Lena:** …

 

 **Lúcio:** You nasty motherfuckers.

 

 **Sombra:** THEY GOT SMARTER BUT EVEN BETTER AHAHAHAHHAHA

 

 **Hana:** WHAT SIDE ARE YOU ON?

 

 **Sombra:** BOTH AHAHAHAH

 

 **Hana:** NO DATES FOR 2 WEEKS

 

 **Sombra:** WORTH IT

 

 **Jesse:** You kids have no idea how much shit we dealt with 20 years ago.

 **Jesse:** Except kid Fareeha. Angela babied her too much for her own good.

 

 **Fareeha:** Says the cowboy who gave me alcohol poisoning when I was 12

 

 **Ana:** THAT WAS YOUR FAULT??!!!!

 

 **Jesse:** HEY THAT WAS A SWORN SECRET

 **Jesse:** WE SPILT BLOOD ON THAT PACT TO NEVER TALK ABOUT IT

 

 **Fareeha:** Oops. :p

 

 **Angela:** UM WHAT?

 **Angela:** UM?????? WWWHAT??

 

 **Fareeha:** It was a blood pact.

 

 **Angela:** I GET THAT BUT WHAT????

 

 **Genji:** Ew?

 **Genji:** You guys shared blood?

 

 **Jesse:** That’s a blood pact.

 

 **Angela:** That is unsanitary. Fareeha, Jesse could be riddled with diseases.

 

 **Jesse:** I am clean as a whistle.

 

 **Genji:** UGh grooooossss

 

 **Jesse:** You guys are acting like I sucked her blood like a vampire.

 **Jesse:** We just pricked our fingers and made a blood pact.

 **Jesse:** We are true brothers and sisters

 

 **Angela:** THAT’S NOT ANY BETTER AND THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS

 

 **Ana:** Why did Gabe vouch for you…??

 

 **Hana:** How are they owning us when they fight with each other???

 

 **Genji:** It’s called bonding and training.

 

 **Fareeha:** How else did I grow this much?

 

 **Lena:** Steroids. Lots of steroids

 

 **Fareeha:** …

 

 **Lúcio:** UM PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S NOT FAREEHA RUNNING

 

 **Genji:** That was mean.

 

 **Jesse:** Fareeha hates being accused of steroids. Just because she’s fucking swol doesn’t mean she cheated.

 

 **Angela:** Idk if you guys know this but Fareeha is pretty sensitive about her body image.

 

 **Lena:** I’m so sorry…

 

 **Angela:** rip

 

 **Genji:** rip

 

 **Jesse:** rip

 

 **Hana:** Yeah, I’m not going to help.

 

 **Lena:** Please…

 

 **Hana:** Look at me. I’m a twink next to Fareeha

 

 **Sombra:** I prefer you than Fareeha, babe

 **Sombra:** and @Brigitte, of course

 

 **Brigitte:** Idk what’s going on but I was tagged.

 **Brigitte:** Anyways, <3

 

 **Hana:** <3

 **Hana:** That was meant for only Brigitte, Sombra.

 

 **Sombra:** I deserve it, tbh.

 

 **Lena:** HELP ME???

 

 **Lúcio:** Just go do your time warp thing.

 

 **Lena:** I’ll try….

 

XXX

 

 **Lena:** HELP ME PLEASE

 **Lena:** PLEASE PLEASE FAREEHA IS SCARY AF OMG

 

 **Hana:** Press F to pay respects. F.

 

 **Lúcio:** F

 

 **Genji:** F

 

 **Jesse:** F

 

 **Angela:** F

 

 **Sombra:** F

 

 **Reinhardt:** F

 

 **Ana:** F

 

 **Jack:** F

 

 **Junkrat:** F

 

 **Roadhog:** F

 

 **Mei:** F

 

 **Zarya:** F

 

 **Torbjörn:** F

 

 **Brigitte:** F

 

 **Hanzo:** F

 

 **Satya:** F

 

 **Bastion:** F

 

**Bastion added Zenyatta to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Zenyatta:** F

 

 **Lena:** WHERE DID THE REST OF YOU GUYS COME FROM?????

 

 **Winston:** F

 

 **Lena:** OOOOHHHH NOW YOU GET ON YOUR PHONE!???

 

 **Fareeha:** FFFFFFFFFF

 

 **Lena:** HELP ME PLEASE OMG OMG KFSJFSLJGSKD

 

XXX

 

 **Lena:** Who let the dogs out?

 

 **Genji:** BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** BOOF

 

 **Angela:** BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** Really?

 

 **Lena:** I am hanging upside down and it is making my head hurt. Let me have this. It made me giggle.

 

 **Hana:** Are you alive?

 

 **Lena:** Barely

 

 **Fareeha:** Want me to make sure you aren’t?

 

 **Lena:** Please don’t.

 

 **Lúcio:** This battle isn’t over.

 

 **Angela:** It will be soon

 

 **Genji:** It’s already in the works.

 

 **Hana:** @Sombra you traitor

 

 **Sombra:** I go where the money takes me. It’s just business.

 

 **Hanzo:** @Genji you can not just take money from the family fortunes….

 

 **Genji:** They can suck my dick.

 

 **Jesse:** Do you even have one?

 

 **Genji:** WE ARE NOT GOING TO FIGHT ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.

 **Genji:** BUT I DO

 

 **Angela:** To confirm, it’s kinda there but not really. I had to use lots of silicone…

 **Angela:** And heard lots of complaining on how to shape it from the man himself. Although he was really drugged up.

 

 **Genji:** Worth it.

 

 **Fareeha:** I would hate to walk into that operation room…

 

 **Jesse:** No wonder why Angela is gay.

 

 **Genji:** RUDE

 

 **Angela:** I’m still waiting on those Swiss Chocolates you promised to get me for recreating your dick.

 

 **Genji:** I DID GIVE YOU CHOCOLATES

 

 **Angela:** THEY ARE NOT SWISS

 

 **Genji:** THEY ARE EXPENSIVE. SWISS ARE SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE

 

 **Angela:** I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE

 

 **Genji:** YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL DOCTOR

 

 **Fareeha:** And that ‘ungrateful doctor’ gave you a tiny dick

 

 **Genji:** IT’S NOT TINY

 

 **Angela:** Genji, I have to confess. When I was trying to recreate your dick, I had no clue what I was doing. I was dead tired. I winged it until you seem to approve. Then again, you were pretty out of it with all the sedatives I gave you.

 

 **Genji:** But it’s still not tiny???? Right???

 

 **Angela:** I lied, Genji. It’s pretty darn small.

 

 **Genji:** I TRUSTED YOU, “DOCTOR”

 

 **Angela:** I was fresh out of medical school, cut me some slack. 

 

 **Jesse:** Have you never seen an actual dick besides your own?

 

 **Genji:** I have.

 

 **Hanzo:** He hasn’t.

 **Hanzo:** The male genitalia makes him uncomfortable so he never looks at them.

 

 **Jesse:** WHAT KIND OF MAN TALKS ABOUT BALLS AND DICKS LIKE A TEEN DOUCHE BUT DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE AVERAGE SIZE OF A DICK BC HE HAS NEVER LOOKED AT ANOTHER MAN’S DICK???

 

 **Angela:** Is this what men do? Look at each other’s dicks?

 

 **Fareeha:** Ew.

 

 **Genji:** LOOK ARE WE GOING TO STOP DICK SHAMING ME OR WORK TOGETHER?

 

 **Jesse:** It’s not dick shaming when it’s just silicone and some duct tape.

 

 **Angela:** Then contribute to the other group chat, the one with Sombra, instead of this one.

 

 **Genji:** Wait? This isn’t the group chat with just us four and Sombra??

 

 **Fareeha:** This is group chat ‘OVERWATCH 2.0’

 

 **Genji:** @Sombra can you delete the previous conversation?

 

 **Sombra:** Um, that’s all on you so no.

 

 **Reinhardt:** DO NOT WORRY GENJI. THE SIZE OF THE PENIS DOES NOT EQUATE TO THE MEASURE OF A MAN’S MASCULINITY.

 

 **Ana:** I’m so glad we all stayed silent on the chat to see how this plays out.

 

 **Hanzo:** I thought you would realize your mistake when I texted…

 

 **Genji:** FUCK

 

 **Ana:** So did you four see Genji’s dick before?

 

 **Angela:** Well, I’m the one who had to make it.

 

 **Jesse:** He and I were in Blackwatch and we shared rooms for a while so I saw it a couple of times.

 

 **Fareeha:** When I help cleaned up the medical bay, I saw his file.

 

 **Genji:** @Hanzo, it is all your fault.

 

 **Hanzo:** *shrugs*

 

 **Hana:** LMFAO

 

 **Jack:** …

 **Jack:** It’s times like these that I wish I stayed dead.

 

 **Lena:** You chicken.

 

 **Lúcio:** This is gold.

 

 **Jesse:** And you guys are still in it for our battle.

 

 **Hana:** Oh come on… :(

 

 **Lúcio:** I’m legit scared.

 

 **Lena:** Me too...

 

 **Hana:** I’m not even 20 and I already lost my will to live.

 

 **Lena:** I mean, I almost died but okay whatever

 

 **Ana:** Would you believe that 20 years ago a fight like this was just the tip of the iceberg?

 

 **Jack:** These four can get bad.

 **Jack:** So rip

 

 **Lena:** NOT HELPFUL JACK

 

 **Reinhardt:** WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

 

 **Genji:** BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** BOOF

 

 **Angela:** BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** BOOF

 

 **Genji:** ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN

 

XXX

 

 **Genji:** Kids, the doorbell.

 

 **Hana:** Oh, you touch my tralala

 

 **Lúcio:** Mmm, my ding ding dong

 

 **Lena:** *porn lesbian noises*

 

 **Jesse:** Uncle Jesse bought a horse.

 

 **Hana:** Look at my horse

 

 **Lúcio:** My horse is amazing

 

 **Lena:** Give it a lick, it taste like raisins

 

 **Angela:** I made cupcakes.

 

 **Hana:** HUMP ME, FUCK ME

 

 **Lúcio:** DADDY BETTER MAKE ME CHOKE

 

 **Lena:** HE BETTER!

 

 **Hana:** HUMP ME, FUCK ME

 

 **Lena:** MY TUNNEL LOVES A DEEP THROAT

 

 **Fareeha:** I want to tell the world.

 

 **Hana:** I JUST HAD SEX

 

 **Lúcio:** AND IT FELT SO GOOD

 

 **Lena:** A WOMAN LET ME PUT MY PENIS INSIDE OF HER

 

 **Hana:** YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING MEAN AND I HATE THIS FAMILY SO MUCH, FUCK YOU GUYS

 

 **Lúcio:**  You guys are now dead to me.

 

 **Lena:** Do not expect any help from me on any future missions.

 

 **Jesse:** I hear them stomping in the living room. 

 

 **Genji:**  Hilarious AF

 

 **Jack:** You four are evil.

 

 **Ana:** I gave birth to Satan.

 

 **Reinhardt:** AH THE CLASSIC MEME SONGS

 

 **Jesse:** Get rekt

 

 **Genji:** I hear them screaming.

 

 **Angela:** Music to my ears.

 

 **Fareeha:** Sounds like justice has been done.

 

 **Ana:** You were adopted.

 

 **Fareeha:** You wish, mum

 

 **Angela:** That’s okay, she has another mommy that will take her in.

 

 **Ana:** What? Who?

 

 **Jack:** Ana. Think about it.

 

 **Ana:** ANGELA!

 

 **Angela:** ;)

 

 **Ana:** Who let the dogs out?

 

 **Genji:** BOOF

 

 **Jesse:** BOOF

 

 **Angela:** BOOF

 

 **Fareeha:** BOOF

 

 **Genji:** Okay, this is growing on me.

 

 **Jesse:** Weirdo.

 

XXX

 

 **Jack:** Update, they threw their phones at the wall and broke them.

 

 **Ana:** I had to sleep dart them to calm them down.

 

 **Jesse:** That will teach them to not mess with us.

 

 **Angela:** And you’re paying for them, Jack.

 

 **Jack:** It was Sombra’s idea!

 

 **Sombra:** But you instigated it first by asking me for suggestions soooo...

 

 **Jack:** I just casually said I need to discipline them. Not ruin this chat with this kind of bullshit!

 **Jack:** Ugh. I am not fighting this.

 **Jack:** I’m going to nap this off.

 

 **Ana:** Mood.

 

 **Reinhardt:** MOOD

 

 **Genji:** Old farts.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “TALON”**

 

 **Sombra:** We are Number One!

 

 **Reaper:** Now listen closely

 

 **Widowmaker:** Here’s a little lesson in trickery.

 

 **Doomfist:** This is going down in history.

 

 **Moira:** If you wanna be a Villain Number One

 

 **Reaper:** You have to chase a superhero on the run.

 

 **Widowmaker:** …

 

**Reaper: …**

 

**Doomfist: …**

 

 **Moira:** …

 

 **Sombra:** WE ARE NUMBER ONE!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to fuckery hell. The deepest part of fuckery hell. My beta reader hates my guts and this chapter so much. BOOF.
> 
>  
> 
> If you tolerate my bullshit, let me know by kudo, comments, and subscribing if you like. :p
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	9. Cookies Save The Day

**Angela:** I made cookies so come get them if you want some.

 

**Hana:** Momma Mercy’s Chocolate Chip Cookies?

 

**Lena:** The Legendary Heaven Blessed Cookies?

 

**Lúcio:** The Cookies Of Our Lord and Savior?

 

**Angela:** Um...they are just normal cookies…

 

**Hana:** I’m coming!

 

**Lena:** WEEE

 

**Lúcio:** COOKIES

 

**Jesse:** Oh thank the lord Jesus Christ, I knew I smelled cookies.

 

**Genji:** oh let me guess? You used Swiss chocolate?

 

**Angela:** Do you want a cookie or not?

 

**Genji:** I do!

 

**Jack:** Really? Cookies before a mission?

 

**Ana:** Um? Why not?

 

**Jack:** Wasn’t there a silent treatment between you guys since the BOOF incident?

 

**Hana:** ALL IS FORGIVEN FOR MOMMY MERCY’S COOKIES

 

**Lena:** WE ARE ALL FRIENDS FOR MOMMA MERCY COOKIES

 

**Lúcio:** GENJI I SEE YOU TRYING TO SWIPE MORE COOKIES!!!

 

**Genji:** DON’T CALL ME OUT.

 

**Jesse:** Oh? So are we going to ignore that Fareeha just ate like 10 of them in a span of 2 minutes?

 

**Angela:** She can have as much as she wants. She helped out.

 

**Ana:** She’s going to get a stomach ache.

 

**Fareeha:** It’s for love, mother.

 

**Ana:** No, that’s just stupid.

 

**Fareeha:** Love isn’t stupid.

 

**Ana:** It is when you vomit chocolate out later.

 

**Fareeha:** Well, then Angela can just heal me right back to health.

 

**Angela:** :)

 

**Reinhardt:** I KNEW I SMELLED CHOCOLATE COOKIES 

 

**Angela:** I can come by your rooms to drop them off, if the rest of you guys want some?

 

**Mei:** That would be much appreciated, Angela. :)

 

**Satya:** I’ll take one.

 

**Hanzo:** I’ll politely decline, but thank you for offering.

 

**Brigitte:** I’ll come up when I finish papa’s armor!

 

**Jack:** I’ll pass.

**Jack:** We have a mission coming up soon, eta 15 mins.

**Jack:** We are escorting a payload in Hollywood.

 

**Ana:** That’s just a cover for transporting some famous person for two blocks…

 

**Jack:** It’s a mission…

 

**Angela:** For the rich…

 

**Jack:** This person is actually an important figure…

 

**Genji:** For??

 

**Jack:** They are important and that’s important.

 

**Ana:** …

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Angela:** …

 

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Lena:** …

 

**Hana:** I’ve done much more ‘important’ work back in Korea.

**Hana:** One time, I took down 5 of those omnics all by myself, in the middle of the sea.

**Hana:** I call that event the “Shooting Star” after the show ‘Shooting Star’ bc my mecha blew up like a shooting star in the sky.

 

**Jesse:** Lame title, tbh.

 

**Genji:** Not original but okay...

 

**Lúcio:** Was that the one where you learn how to nerf your mecha?

 

**Hana:** Totally!

**Hana:** All by myself.

 

**Angela:** Hmm…

 

**Hana:** What?

 

**Angela:** I can tell you are lying.

 

**Hana:** I did!

 

**Angela:** I see you twitching your nose.

**Angela:** You know it’s always better to work as a team.

 

**Hana:** Meh

**Hana:** I guess.

 

**Sombra:** Don’t lie, Hana. You asked your friend for help.

 

**Hana:** But who was out there, all by herself? Me.

**Hana:** I flew out and into the ocean, surviving without a scratch.

 

**Sombra:** You had a broken arm and leg.

 

**Hana:** Stop ruining my fucking story, babe…

 

**Sombra:** I’m just telling the facts you told me.

 

**Hana:** I’m telling a story where I saved Korea.

 

**Brigitte:** And Sombra is just keeping you humble.

 

**Hana:** I am being humble.

**Hana:** I’ll admit I had a friend help me.

 

**Jack:** Hana, you know we do respect you for the soldier you are. We know you fought for Korea and have shown great skills in your abilities. You don’t need to make it sound all heroic. All heroes get hurt and that’s okay.

 

**Hana:** Stop. You are going to make me cry, papa76. :P

 

**Lena:** The dad we don’t deserve.

 

**Lúcio:** But we kinda don’t want.

 

**Hana:** We have too many parent figures in Overwatch anyways.

 

**Jack:** Can you guys just accept my inspirational speeches?

 

**Hana:** No.

 

**Lena:** Nope.

 

**Lúcio:** Nada.

 

**Angela:** *grandpa76

 

**Reinhardt:** I AM THE GRANDPA OF OVERWATCH

 

**Angela:** Fine. **long distant cousin 76

 

**Hana:** lmao

 

**Jesse:** **long distant cousin, twice removed, estranged 76

 

**Lena:** LOL

 

**Satya:** I’m not familiar with the family hierarchy we have going on at Overwatch.

 

**Hana:** It’s actually simple.

**Hana:** Angela and Fareeha are birdmoms.

**Hana:** Jesse and Hanzo are the uncles but Jesse is the fun one.

**Hana:** Genji is like the crazy big brother 

**Hana:** Grandma Ana and Grandpa Reinhardt

**Hana:** Lena and Lúcio are my bros. Sometimes we include Junkrat.

**Hana:** Sombra and Brigitte are my gfs

**Hana:** Then there is long lost cousin, twice removed, estranged 76

**Hana:** The rest of you guys are kinda like cousins or whatever.

 

**Ana:** Aw, I can see it.

 

**Jack:** I don’t.

 

**Angela:** You’re just mad.

 

**Jack:** You know what? I don’t care. We have to go soon.

 

**Jesse:** Do we really have to go?

 

**Jack:** Yes…

**Jack:** I already have the team picked out.

**Jack:** Hana, Angela, Fareeha, Genji, Jesse, Lúcio, Lena, Reinhardt, and I will go.

 

**Angela:** Not going to happen.

**Angela:** Fareeha is puking out chocolate 

 

**Ana:** I TOLD YOU

 

**Angela:** She did it for love.

 

**Ana:** …

 

**Jack:** ...We can go without Fareeha.

 

**Angela:** Sorry, we are a package deal.

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** @Brigitte, can you come?

 

**Brigitte:** Papa won’t let me.

 

**Jack:** Why?

 

**Brigitte:** He says I can’t leave until I digest my cookie for at least 45 minutes.

 

**Jack:** @Torbjörn Really?

 

**Torbjörn:** WHEN YOU HAVE A KID, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.

 

**Jack:** I deal with kids everyday…

 

**Hana:** We deal with a lazy, grumpy, may or may not have hots for Reaper, long distant cousin, twice removed, estranged 76.

 

**Jack:** ...I do not have hots for Reaper.

 

**Ana:** Sure.

 

**Reinhardt:** K

 

**Torbjörn:** LIAR

 

**Jesse:** Gabe and Jack, two men sitting in a hot tub!

 

**Genji:** Sitting inches apart because they are totally not gay at all!

 

**Angela:** Totally hetero men, not homo at all!

 

**Hana:** Totally not gay!

 

**Lena:** Perfectly bromos but not homos!

 

**Lúcio:** Super straight! 

 

**Jack:** Can we just go already?

 

**Ana:** You didn’t deny it.

 

**Jack:** CAN WE GO?

 

**Jesse:** No, I have a stomach ache.

 

**Genji:** Me too.

 

**Angela:** You guys shouldn’t have eaten them so fast.

 

**Jack:** No more cookies before missions…

 

**Angela:** Okay, but you get to fake your damn death for years?

 

**Jack:** Oh my god...

 

**Lúcio:** SHOTS FIRED

 

**Lena:** Hana, how are you eating Doritos and drinking soda after eating like 10 cookies?

 

**Hana:** Never too full for Doritos and soda.

**Hana:** Especially ones with my face on the products.

 

**Jesse:** It’s annoying that everytime I open one of your sodas, your voice has to say what I am drinking.

 

**Hana:** Nano Cola! Enjoy! ;)

 

**Jesse:** That’s annoying...

 

**Angela:** It does get annoying after opening the fifth soda.

 

**Lena:** YOU DRINK IT????

 

**Angela:** What? I can’t drink it?

 

**Hana:** I’m crying. You actually drink my sodas?

 

**Genji: *texts photo***

**Genji:** Look? Hana’s hugging Angela.

 

**Lena:** Mother and daughter. How sweet.

 

**Jesse:** I love when we do get along.

 

**Hanzo:** That’s cute.

 

**Satya:** Ah, I’m glad there is peace and quiet for once on this base.

 

**Brigitte:** AWWW HANA

 

**Sombra:** I’m so happy for you!

 

**Mei:** So cute!!

 

**Jack:** They aren’t related guys...

 

**Lúcio:** Can you not ruin a sweet moment?

 

**Angela:** She’s my daughter, we love each other.

 

**Jack:** You didn’t give birth to her…

 

**Angela:** She’s my little bunny and Fareeha and I love her, Jack. Leave us be.

 

**Jack:** You two are not her parents...

 

**Hana:** Why are you so against us? It’s true love between mother and daughter. Stop denying Momma Mercy and Mama Pharah

 

**Jack:** ...oh my god….

 

**Angela:** You’re just jealous because she screenshotted your ‘inspirational’ message and posted on Twitter for all her fans to see.

 

**Jack:** She did what?

 

**Genji:** It is captioned, ‘When Old Fart 76 tries to be real with you”

 

**Lena:** Yep. You’re now being named ‘Old Fart76’

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Hana:** Love you, Fart76!

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Ana:** Is Fareeha still puking?

 

**Angela:** Yep so she’s going to be out for a while.

 

**Jack:** Whose fault is that….??

 

**Angela:** She did it for love.

 

**Jack:** That doesn’t prove anything for love.

 

**Fareeha:** HEY

**Fareeha:** Go date Reaper and maybe you’ll understand why I do it for love.

 

**Jack:** Why are you guys keep associating me with some kind of romantic relationship with Reaper!?

 

**Sombra:** …

**Sombra:** I would gladly post the text messages you share with him.

 

**Jack:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE HERE?

 

**Sombra:** You never really kicked me out.

 

**Hana:** That’s true.

 

**Lena:** So that’s on you, Fart76

 

**Jack:** I’m going on the mission, if anyone is ready to go, then come with me. Good bye!

 

**Jesse:** So are we all not going?

 

**Genji:** Nope.

 

**Angela:** Nah.

 

**Fareeha:** No.

 

**Jesse:** Fuck yeah.

 

**Hana:** GUYS 

**Hana:** Let's play Mario Kart all day!

 

**Lena:** YES

 

**Lúcio:** Race you to the TV!

 

**Genji:** Beat you guys to it!

 

**Hana:** Team HLL vs Team JAFG!

 

**Fareeha:** You’re on.

 

**Ana:** Didn’t you just puke??

 

**Fareeha:** I feel better already. ;)

 

**Ana:** ??

 

**Fareeha:** I didn’t actually puke, Mum. It was just a lie.

 

**Jesse:** Genji and I don’t really have stomach aches.

 

**Genji:** We just wanted to bail out.

 

**Hana:** COOKIES SAVE THE DAY

 

**Lena:** ALL HAIL MOMMA MERCY COOKIES

 

**Angela:** It’s nice to feel appreciated.

**Angela:** But Hana, we do need to talk about your unhealthy eating habits.

 

**Hana:** *eye rolls*

 

**Ana:** LOL. You kids are bad.

 

**Lena:** It’s fart76’s fault. He didn’t check. He just believed the texts.

 

**Reinhardt:** I HAVE BETS ON TEAM JAFG TO WIN!

 

**Brigitte:** Sorry, Reinhardt but Team HLL will win. Hana isn’t a professional gamer for no reason.

 

**Sombra:** Alright, I’ll handle bets. I got 15 on HLL.

 

**Brigitte:** 10 on HLL

 

**Reinhardt:** 20 ON JAFG

 

**Hanzo:** 15 on JAFG

 

**Ana:** 15 on JAFG

 

**Mei:** 10 on HLL

 

**Torbjörn:** 20 on HLL

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “TALON”**

 

**Moira:** WIDOWMAKER, GET BACK HERE NOW!

 

**Widowmaker:** I don’t need you to dress me.

 

**Moira:** You are not going out in just that spandex outfit. You are wearing a jacket!

 

**Doomfist:** Let her wear what she wants…

 

**Moira:** Akande, you are putting on a shirt!

 

**Doomfist:** You can’t make me if you can’t find me.

 

**Reaper:** Listen to Auntie Moira!

 

**Widowmaker:** Why are you on her side?

 

**Reaper:** Because you guys are actually getting sick!

**Reaper:** Just wear an extra layer like Sombra!

 

**Widowmaker:** Non.

 

**Moira:** Just wear the fucking jacket, it’s all I ask.

 

**Doomfist:** It’s ugly.

 

**Moira:** Naruto’s jacket isn’t ugly!

 

**Widowmaker:** Orange is a pretty ugly color.

 

**Moira:** I’m trying to protect your health!

 

**Doomfist:** If I wear a mask, can I count that as a layer?

 

**Reaper:** No…

 

**Doomfist:** You wear a mask…

 

**Reaper:** I also wear layers!

 

**Sombra:** Wait...did you really say Auntie Moira?

 

**Moira:** I AM YOUR AUNTIE MOIRA YOU LITTLE UNGRATEFUL SHITS!

**Moira:** NOW COME BACK HERE AND DRESS UP PROPERLY!

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m 33 years old, I don’t need you to dress me…

 

**Moira:** You can’t just wear latex outfits all the time…

 

**Widowmaker:** I can and I will.

 

**Sombra:** She has to wear it.

**Sombra:** They are really good reflectors when I need to check my makeup.

 

**Doomfist:** Me too.

 

**Reaper:** At least wear a fucking scarf….

 

**Widowmaker:** That’s a choking hazard.

 

**Reaper:** Then at least cover your chest.

 

**Widowmaker:** Don’t look there, pervert.

 

**Doomfist:** Yeah, Reaper. That’s rude and inappropriate.

 

**Reaper:** Oh my god…

 

**Moira:** AUNTIE MOIRA IS GOING TO GET YOU

 

**Doomfist:** STOP GOING THROUGH THE AIR CONDITIONER!!!   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats to D.Va for getting her own animated short! I love it! Can’t wait to see more in the future from other heroes.
> 
> If you like it, let me know by kudo, comment, or subscribing if you like~
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	10. Jack’s Revenge; Cringe

**Jack:** @Angela. I have a question.

 

**Angela:** It’s 2 am in the morning…

 

**Jack:** I have a very serious question.

 

**Angela:** What?

 

**Jack:** What kind of car do you drive?

 

**Fareeha:** Are you actually fucking serious?

**Fareeha:** Did you really use the emergency text system to wake us up for this?

 

**Jesse:** Are you drinking or…???

 

**Jack:** What kind of car do you drive, Angela?

 

**Angela:** I don’t even have a fucking car.

 

**Jack:** Well if you did, what kind of car would you drive?

 

**Angela:** Idk...a fucking slug bug?

 

**Jack:** You sure? You wouldn’t drive a ‘Mercy-cedes’?

 

**Angela:** ...

**Angela:** Never talk to me again.

 

**Jesse:** Did you really just pun her at 2 am in the morning…??

**Jesse:** Jack...why?

 

**Fareeha:** I will actually kill you, Jack. This time I will make sure you are dead.

 

**Jack:** Well, you are on the other side of the base. You’re too ‘Pharah-way’ from me.

 

**Fareeha:** Turn your locations on, Jack. I just want to talk with my rocket launcher.

 

**Hana:** Well this was quite a convo to wake up to...

**Hana:** Fart76, are you okay?

 

**Jack:** Hey, Hana. If you were to take a vacation, where would you go?

 

**Hana:** Away from you, tbh.

 

**Jack:** Away to ‘Hana-mura’?

 

**Jesse:** That made me puke in my mouth…

 

**Angela:** Stop.

 

**Fareeha:** The cringe is too strong...

 

**Hana:** Hey Fart76, where the fuck are you? Fareeha, Angela, and I just want to fucking talk.

 

**Genji:** Why are you fucking awake at 2 am in the fucking morning??? Who the flying fuck puns at 2 am in the morning? Huh?

 

**Jack:** What’s ‘Shimada’ with you, Genji?

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Hanzo:** Dishonor on you, Jack.

 

**Ana:** Jack...stop it…

 

**Jack:** Hey, Ana? How long have you been with Reinhardt?

 

**Ana:** For 6 months...why?

 

**Jack:** Oh? So it’s not your 1 year ‘Ana-versary’ yet?

 

**Ana:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, JACK? I WILL TURN THIS PLACE UPSIDE DOWN???

 

**Jesse:** My eyes are bleeding…

**Jesse:** Jack, please stop.

 

**Jack:** Your eyes are bleeding? That’s ‘A-Mei-zing’…

 

**Mei:** …

**Mei:** Only I can say that...

 

**Zarya:** Where are you, Jack? I just want to talk. Okay? No one puns my little dumpling and gets away with it at 2 am in the morning. You’re too old for this and none of us wants to deal with this. So come on out? Little punk. Let’s talk it out...

 

**Jack: ‘** Zarya’ done ranting yet?

 

XXX

 

**Satya:** Why are you guys causing so much noise at 3am?

**Satya:** Nevermind, I don’t even want to know.

 

**Jack:** Hey, Satya?

 

**Satya: …**

 

**Jack:** I had a hard time thinking one up for you because you have ‘Satya’ sym-ple personality.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** You are not meant for the true reality at all.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** Is it because we bailed on the last mission? Is that why you are doing this to us, Jack?

 

**Jack:** Maybe.

 

**Jesse:** Well, stop it. It’s done and stupid. Everyone is agitated because of you. Let us sleep.

 

**Jack:** Jesse, my bestie, why are you like this? I thought you would go along with me since you are the ‘jesster’ of the team.

 

**Jesse:** I literally felt my stomach turn over when I read that text. Stop it. Now.

 

**Jack:** I’ll ‘high noon’ out of here when I feel like it.

 

**Jesse:** SHUT THE FUCK UP THAT WAS NOT EVEN GOOD AT ALL

 

XXX

 

**Lena:** I’m really scared to ask but...is everything all right?

**Lena:** I hear a lot of crashing...

 

**Jack:** You might need to ‘Lena’ something before I tell you what is going on.

 

**Lena: …**

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** If Fareeha and Mercy worked at the same job, would they work at the pharmercy?

 

**Angela:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????

 

**Fareeha:** COME OUT YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!

 

**Jack:** If Genji got seriously hurt, like close to death, would Angela consider it as an Emer-gency?

**Jack:** Get it? Because Genji and Mercy’s names together can make Gency?

 

**Genji:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU JACK???? I WILL CHOP YOU UP!!!!!

 

**Angela:** COME OUT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

 

**Jack:** Why are you guys such Ana-mals?

 

**Ana:** JACK FUCKING MORRISON WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** You guys need to ‘Hammer down’ a bit…

 

**Reinhardt:** DON’T YOU START WITH ME!

 

**Hana:** FART76, GO FUCK YOURSELF!

**Hana:** I WILL FUCKING DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE

**Hana:** STOP BLOWING UP THE CHAT! WE CAN’T TURN IT OFF SINCE YOU PUT THE EMERGENCY TEXT SYSTEM ON!

 

**Jack:** That would be D.Vastating.

 

**Hana:** NERF THIS YOU OLD FART!!!!

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** Hey, @Brigitte, what’s your favorite food?

 

**Brigitte:** It’s Brig-ette and meatballs, old man.

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Brigitte:** Someone has already made a lovely comic for it online, so you’re too late MORONsson.

 

**Jack:** Ah…

**Jack:** um…

 

**Torbjörn:** No one likes a pun thief, you ain’t ‘Jack’ shit.

 

**Brigitte:** Do you lose 76% of your brain in the past three hours?

**Brigitte:** Why don’t you go ‘Jack’ yourself off and go to sleep?

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Brigitte:** What’s your favorite outdoor game?

**Brigitte:** Pick up 70 sticks.

 

**Jack:** That’s not a real game.

 

**Brigitte:** What’s your favorite thing to do on Halloween?

**Brigitte:** Carving Jack-O’-Lanterns

 

**Jack:** ...

 

**Hana:** Babe, please stop…

 

**Angela:** We appreciate the attempt to stop him but you’re going to end up just like him…

 

**Fareeha:** We already caught him, so let’s call it a night. My back is killing me.

 

**Brigitte:** Fareeha, you should go to a Cairo-practor.

 

**Ana:** ...Brigitte, stop.

 

**Jesse:** Don’t make us go after you. We will make you regret it.

 

**Brigitte:** Not OVER my WATCH!

 

**Genji:** Run, bitch.

 

**Hana:** BRIGITTE RUN! HE IS SERIOUS.

 

XXX

 

**Lúcio:** What in the world happen last night? The place is the mess. There is shit everywhere….

 

**Jesse:** You didn’t fucking hear the racket??

 

**Lúcio:** No…

 

**Brigitte:** I guess he was playing the BEET too hard.

 

**Angela:** WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU HIDE?!!!

 

**Brigitte:** Hey, Angela. If you don’t drive a Mercy-cedes, do you drive a Mercy-lago?

 

**Angela:** NO THAT IS SUCH AN INACCURATE PUN

 

**Fareeha:** HOW ARE YOU JUST GONE FROM PLAIN SIGHT? WHERE ARE YOU???

 

**Brigitte:** Close-ah than you think.

 

**Jesse:** You are not even trying…

 

**Brigitte:** I didn’t want to be too Mcgreedy with my puns.

 

**Jesse:** OH COME ON!!!

 

**Genji:** COME ON OUT! DON’T PUN MY BRO

 

**Brigitte:** I didn’t mean to DRAG-ON the chase.

 

**Ana:** If we pardon you and let you get away with this, will you at least help us clean up?

 

**Brigitte:** You better not Egypt-ing me off.

 

XXX

 

**_[ Due the the chaos that happened between the times of 2-7am, puns are hereby banned and will not be tolerated in Overwatch. You will be sentenced to 75 hours of community service and an additional 24 hours in solitary confinement. Thank you for your understanding - Winston]_ **

  
**Junkrat:** Surprised that Winston didn’t go bananas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The word ‘ball’ is banned. Saying puns is banned. What’s next?
> 
> The only pun I take full credit for is the Satya piece, because she took forever to think one up.
> 
> The rest can be found in the thousands of videos, posts on Tumblr, and Reddit. For some of them my beta reader helped me out.


	11. Korean Fuckery; Part 1

**Jesse:** Hey, does anyone know why there is a bunch of Asian Meka pilots outside the base?

 

 **Genji:** Nani?

 

 **Angela:** What?

 

 **Jesse:** Like check out these cool kids.

**Jesse: *texts photo***

 

 **Brigitte:** Oh

 **Brigitte:** That’s Hana’s old Meka team from Korea.

 

 **Sombra:** Oh hey, they got here safely.

 

 **Angela:** You sent them here?

 

 **Sombra:** Yah, Brigitte and I are really close with D.mon.

 

 **Fareeha:** Who?

 

 **Brigitte:** Yuna.

 

 **Angela:** Who?

 

 **Sombra:** The only other girl in the group.

 

 **Ana:** Why are they here?

 

 **Brigitte:** We invited them.

 **Brigitte:** They missed Hana and wanted to come by to visit her and check out Overwatch.

 

 **Ana:** Hana is on a mission with the other youngsters though.

 **Ana:** Come to think of it, why is more than half of the base gone?

 

 **Jesse:** ‘vacation’

 

 **Genji:** So they claim.

 

 **Angela:** Well, does Hana know they are coming.

 

 **Sombra:** We may or may not have told her.

 

 **Genji:** Nani?

 

 **Fareeha:** Why?

 

 **Brigitte:** It might be a nice surprise for Hana when she comes back.

 

 **Jesse:** That’s cute.

 

 **Genji:** Why are they all so beautiful looking?

 

 **Angela:** Well, let them in. Don’t leave them out there.

 

XXX

 

**Sombra added D.Mon, Casino, King, and Overlord to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**D.Mon renamed to “Yuna”**

 

**Casino renamed to “Jae-Eun”**

 

**King renamed to “Kyung-Soo”**

 

**Overlord renamed to “Seung-Hwa”**

 

XXX

 

 **Hana:** UM WHAT?? HELLO???

 **Hana:** I JUST GOT ON AND MY TEAM WAS ADDED IN THE CHAT??

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Surprise! ヽ(o￣∇￣o)/　

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** (≧∀≦)ゞ　　

 **Kyung-Soo:** Long time no see, Hana!

 

 **Jae-Eun:** How are you beautiful? (✿^з^)☆

 

 **Yuna:** Yo.

 

 **Hana:** OMG YOU GUYS!!!!!!

 **Hana:** AHHHHH

 

**Genji: *texts photo***

**Genji:** We are all playing Mario Kart together.

 

 **Hana:** I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS I CAN’T WAIT TO GET BACK

 

 **Lúcio:** Are they your Meka team from Korea?

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** That’s us!(~￣  ▽ ￣)~

 

 **Jae-Eun:** The one and only!

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** We are honored to meet Hana’s comrades.

 

 **Yuna:** Yah.

 

 **Jack:** Hello, everyone. It’s an honor to be meeting Korea’s heroes.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Hello, Fart76! ＼（＾∀＾）メ（＾∀＾）ノ

 

 **Jae-Eun:** What’s up, old man?

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** So you really are alive?

 

 **Yuna:** Hmm.

 

 **Jack:** Hana…

 

 **Hana:** What?

 **Hana:** It’s true, old man!

 

 **Lena:** Hi! I can’t wait to meet you guys when we come back!

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Come soon! Come soon!(੭ु˙꒳˙)੭ु⁾⁾

 

 **Lúcio:** Stop, my heart.

 **Lúcio:** That’s so cute.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Tee hee!( *≧∀≦* )

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Don’t be fooled. He’s the most mischievous one.

 

 **Fareeha:** But...he’s so adorable.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** That’s what he wants you to think.

 

 **Jesse:** Okay but you were totally trying to get into Angela’s pants like five minutes ago…

 

 **Jae-Eun:** I have a weakness for beauty.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Jae-Eun! Don’t flirt with Angela noona! She’s Hana’s mother figure｡｡゛( ﾉ><)ﾉ

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Like please don’t. We are getting such a bad rep because of you.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Rude.

 **Jae-Eun:** You guys are just jealous that you guys can’t get any.

 **Jae-Eun:** You guys should dye your hair, like me.

 

 **Genji:** Yeah, that didn’t save you from Angela sending you directly into the medical bay.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** A small price to pay.

 

 **Fareeha:** You can come back after Angela healed your right hand.

 **Fareeha:** But just know that I’m watching.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** o(ﾟｰﾟ*o)

 **Seung-Hwa:** On behalf of the team, we give you permission to beat him up if he acts up.

 

 **Fareeha:** Sweet.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Wow…

 

 **Hana:** I see you guys haven’t changed at all.

 **Hana:** Dae-Hyun couldn’t make it?

 

 **Yuna:** He’s sick.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Seung-Hwa gave him expired kimchi.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** ꒰ *๑•ૅʖ̫•́๑꒱ Tee Hee!

 

 **Hana:** Oh my god…

 **Hana:** Why?

 

 **Yuna:** It was funny, tbh.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** You should have seen his face.

 **Kyung-Soo:** It blew up like a puffer fish.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** And then I gave him vinegar to wash it down.

 

 **Hana:** You guys are just bullying him at this point.

 **Hana:** But that’s funny though.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** That doesn’t compare to last month.⚆ _ ⚆

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Last month, Yuna messed around with Jae-Eun’s shampoo and conditioner and poured hair dye in them.

 **Kyung-Soo:** When he came out of the shower, his hair was the ugliest shade of gray-brown vomit.

 **Kyung-Soo:** Jae-Eun quickly figured out it was Yuna and chased her, leading him to almost choke to death when she sets up a saran wrap block in the hallway and he ran right into it.

 **Kyung-Soo:** We had to go to the hospital for him because it was very tight on his face.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Scariest moment of my life.

 

 **Hana:** You probably deserve it, tbh.

 

 **Yuna:** Instant Karma.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Wow, rude.

 

 **Lúcio:** Dude.

 **Lúcio:** These guys are worse than us!

 **Lúcio:** AWESOME

 

 **Jack:** Don’t get any ideas!

 

 **Yuna:** That was just normal to us.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Last week, I threw firecrackers into the shower while Yuna was in there and I blocked the doorway so she wouldn’t get out.

 **Seung-Hwa:** (ﾉ≧ڡ≦) Teehee~!

 **Swung-Hwa:** When she tried to get out, I just shoved more firecrackers until I ran out.

 

 **Yuna:** I got him back by pouring ice cubes while he was sleeping and threw a burning bag on his bed.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** I’ll get you next time!Ꮚ˟ꈊ˟Ꮚ

 

 **Yuna:** Try me, bitch.

 

 **Ana:** Oh my god…

 **Ana:** Are you basically saying we got lucky to get Hana?

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Hana is actually the tamest out of all of us.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** She’s like a baby that follows along.

 

 **Hana:** You are welcome, Overwatch!

 

 **Jesse:** Okay wait!

 **Jesse:** @Seung-Hwa, what type of firecrackers do I get?

 **Jesse:** I want to do that to Angela.

 

 **Angela:** Fuck you.

 **Angela:** Do that and I’ll actually hide your hat in Junkrat’s room.

 

 **Fareeha:** Nobody run down the west hallway. Genji already set saran wrap traps there.

 

 **Genji:** WOW FAREEHA WOW

 **Genji:** CALL ME OUT HUH? FUCK YOU.

 

 **Jack:** Dear god, please don’t get anymore ideas…

 

 **Hana:** Fart76, this is only the beginning.

 

 **Ana:** To be fair, Angela and Jesse has had their fair share of being horrible young teens.

 

 **Genji:** One time they swirlied me in the toilet for 2 hours because I accidentally chopped Fareeha’s doll.

 

 **Fareeha:** I remember that.

 **Fareeha:** Why did you do that? I loved that doll.

 

 **Genji:** It was an accident.

 

 **Angela:** Not what we saw.

 

 **Jesse:** It was not an accident.

 

 **Genji:** Meh.

 

 **Ana:** I remember the time Angela hid Fareeha from Jesse for hours.

 **Ana:** Jesse cried because he thought he lost her.

 

 **Jesse:** That was so traumatizing. I thought I really lost Fareeha.

 

 **Ana:** You never played hide and seek again.

 

 **Angela:** Oh I remember that.

 **Angela:** I did that because Jesse had the balls to cut my bangs crooked while I was sleeping.

 

 **Jesse:** And I got a huge ass whooping from Ana, thanks for that.

 

 **Angela:** You are welcome.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Meh, sounds too tame for our taste.

 **Jae-Eun:** We are masters at pranks.

 

 **Genji:** You guys seem to be masters of trying to kill each other…

 

 **Hana:** You’re not wrong. We all have some kind of hate-love relationship with each other.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** *cough* Yuna and Hana *cough*

 

 **Yuna:** What’s up, little bitch?

 **Yuna:** I’m trying to enjoy some Hearthstones with Brigitte and Sombra.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Are we not going to mention how Hana leaves and has two girlfriends now?( 乂☉ｪ☉= )

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Are we also not going to mention that Yuna is low key jealous of that fact since we got here?

 

 **Yuna:** Okay, but I didn’t try to grope the doctor’s ass within five minutes of getting here. So, shut up.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** At least we didn’t have sex with Hana backstage during a video game competition where we all had to cover for you two.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Causing a rift with Dae-Hyun, which led to you leaving for a ‘vacation’. When you came back, you practically haunted that boy until Hana got involved to stop you.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Then it got awkward for months until you almost broke Dae-hyun’s hand during an argument with him.(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀)

 

 **Hana:** And then you came crawling back to make up with me and Dae-Hyun after my shooting star incident and all is well! :)

 

 **Yuna:** Hey, just because you three are in different parts of the base and Hana isn’t here yet, doesn’t mean I deserve to be outed like this.

 

 **Jesse:** Is this...what Korean dramas are like?

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Add a dosage of fuckery.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** A teaspoon of estrogen and testosterone.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** And a drop of pure love and friendship. :)

 

 **Yuna:** And raise the drama from 0-100 real quick.

 

 **Hana:** Again, Overwatch, you are welcome you guys got stuck with me.

 

 **Ana:** We’re not that grateful yet…

 

 **Jack:** Yet…

 

 **Jesse:** Well, since you guys aren’t back yet and the rest of the team left for their vacations…

 **Jesse:** I say we will have a lovely surprise for you guys~

 

 **Jack:** Why am I not surprised?

 

 **Lena:** Okay but, like, I want in when we get there!

 

 **Lúcio:** Me too!

 

 **Hana:** Me three!!!

 

 **Ana:** Dear Allah, please have a little mercy on our sanities.

 

 **Angela:** Allah just called, he says no.

 

 **Fareeha:** HAHAHAHAHA

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Oh man, lets get started!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slower updates. I started school so expect, at least, weekly updates! 
> 
> And I’m really obsessed with Hana’s old Meka Team....
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	12. Korean Fuckery; Part 2 [END]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The anime titles mention in this chapter are NOT for the faint of heart, nor is one of them should even be allowed to exists. If you do not know them, don’t look them up. You have been warned.

**Hanzo:** I’m going to be honest.

**Hanzo:** I’m actually not that mad.

**Hanzo:** I’m actually impressed.

 

**Satya:** Easy for you to say…

**Satya:** They put your boyfriend’s pictures in your closet.

 

**Hanzo:** Well...that’s part of the reason.

**Hanzo:** I’m just impressed they actually built a closet in our rooms.

**Hanzo:** Where did they get the money for the supplies?

 

**Sombra:** I took some funds from Satya’s account.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** Please do not do that again in the future…

 

**Sombra:** Then make your password harder to guess.

**Sombra:** Oh wait.

**Sombra:** Not going to work. ;) I’m a hacker.

 

**Satya:** Please do not take money from my account…

 

**Sombra:** No promises.

**Sombra:** For future security, don’t have your password be ‘Ih8luciosomuch’

 

**Satya:** Please do not just type out my password on the chat...

 

**Mei:** Hey, Zarya and I aren’t back yet.

**Mei:** What’s going on?

**Mei:** Closets?

 

**Hanzo:** While some of us were gone for our vacations, Team JAFG, Team HLL, and Hana’s old Meka squad built a closet in our rooms.

**Hanzo:** When we open the door, all we see is a closet.

**Hanzo:** They actually constructed a sturdy, well-made, closet in our rooms.

 

**Mei:** …

**Mei:** Why?

 

**Hanzo:** To prevent us from entering our rooms? To fool us into thinking our rooms were demolished and replaced while we are gone?

**Hanzo:** Either way, it’s pretty impressive.

 

**Satya:** Again, that’s because they filled your closet with Jesse’s scandalous pictures.

 

**Hanzo:** And I am not complaining.

 

**Mei:** What did they do for your closet, Satya?

 

**Satya:** They planted ten of my turrets in there.

**Satya:** Luckily, Jamison and Mako took the brunt of the damage before I disabled them.

 

**Junkrat:** YOU ARE WELCOME

 

**Satya:** @Jack Why has my request for Jamison and Mako to get their own rooms has not been approved?

 

**Jack:** Forgot it or it might be lost.

 

**Sombra:** It’s weird that you call them by their real names…

 

**Satya:** Can you not judge me?

 

**Sombra:** You make it so easy to judge you.

 

**Junkrat:** Sataaa, you love us. Don’t lie.

 

**Satya:** I would like you a bit more if you spelled my name right…

 

**Jack:** I think it’s fine with the current arrangement.

**Jack:** It saves on funds for getting new rooms.

 

**Satya:** I will actually pay those funds for new rooms.

 

**Jack:** Fill out another form.

 

**Ana:** Wait 5-7 business days for it to be processed and it will go from there.

 

**Satya:** ...

 

**Hanzo:** Did you two join in on this?

 

**Jack:** No.

**Jack:** I’m not stooping to their level.

 

**Ana:** I helped a little.

**Ana:** ;)

 

**Satya:** …

 

**Hanzo:** Where are the rest of the troubled kids?

 

**Jack:** They went over to Talon to mess with them.

 

**Sombra:** And I took some funds from Satya’s account for more supplies.

 

**Satya:** STOP USING MY MONEY!

 

**Sombra:** It’s just sitting there. I have to use it.

 

**Satya:** No, you don’t.

 

**Mei:** Wait, we were only gone for like a week.

**Mei:** How did you guys get the supplies here on time and craft these closets?

 

**Sombra:** We paid for extremely fast shipping.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** You do pay extra for that...right?

 

**Sombra:** ;)

**Sombra:** Expect a hefty bill.

 

**Hanzo:** Satya just threw her phone.

**Hanzo:** I heard a loud crash.

 

**Sombra:** Well, that’s on her. She has to pay for that.

 

**Jesse:** Hi, darling! I didn’t think you come back so soon!

 

**Hanzo:** I caught an early flight.

 

**Jesse:** I hope you like my surprise! 

 

**Hanzo:** It wasn’t a bad thing to come home to.

 

**Jesse:** Dawww, I’m glad you like it~

 

**Hanzo:** I am breaking down the closet. Can you clean up the mess when you come back?

 

**Jesse:** Sure, anything for you~

 

**Genji:** Ew, stop being gay on here.

 

**Hanzo:** The conversation wasn’t directed at you.

 

**Genji:** It’s in the chat so it’s directed at everyone.

 

**Jesse:** You’re just jealous bc you’re still single.

 

**Angela:** Duh.

**Angela:** Don’t worry, Genji.

**Angela:** At least your fanfics are pretty well written.

 

**Genji:** Thanks, I try.

 

**Hanzo:** Okay, I just broke down the closet…

**Hanzo:** Why are my brother’s anime shit in the room?

 

**Genji:** My ‘welcome home’ gift. :)

 

**Hanzo:** I’m burning it all.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU I WAS BEING NICE

 

**Hanzo:** I don’t want your shit in my room. I would’ve accepted a simple welcome home greeting.

 

**Genji:** UNGRATEFUL 

 

**Jesse:** …

**Jesse:** Genji, when did you throw your shit in our room?? I am sure it was empty when we finished building the closet.

 

**Genji:** I’m a ninja, I have my ways.

 

**Angela:** I saw him throwing it through your window.

 

**Genji:** Can you guys not out me like this?

 

**Fareeha:** Can you be a better ninja?

 

**Genji:** Ugh, you guys are mean.

 

**Jesse:** You love us.

 

**Genji:** Sure, maybe one of you guys.

 

**Angela:** Yes, I know you had a crush on me.

**Angela:** *hair flip*

 

**Genji:** You know? Maybe I was talking about Fareeha, who gives me the least amount of shit.

 

**Fareeha:** I can be mean.

 

**Genji:** The meanest thing you have ever done to any of us was pulling our hair as a prank and apologizing for it.

 

**Jesse:** And occasionally stealing Angela from her work but that’s just on her.

 

**Fareeha:** Okay, that was when I was 12…and Angela needs her sleep whether she likes it or not.

**Fareeha:** Why don’t you come over to our side and I’ll show you how mean I can be?

 

**Angela:** Just warning you. Fareeha’s scale of meanness range from hair pulling to actually breaking your entire body apart. There’s no in between.

 

**Genji:** I’m good. I believe you.

 

**Jack:** So are you guys done yet over there?

 

**Angela:** Our group finished our side.

 

**Jesse:** Talon is going to be so pissed.

 

**Ana:** What did you guys do?

 

**Angela:** We built an entire maze in their base.

 

**Hanzo:** How long were you guys there?

 

**Jesse:** Eight hours or so.

 

**Jack:** And you guys just built a fucking maze??

 

**Angela:** Did I fucking stutter?

 

**Genji:** Well, our side is done. Idk what Team HLL and Meka are up too.

 

**Hana:** We are finishing up on our side.

 

**Brigitte:** It’s practically done. :)

 

**Yuna:** Our side is pretty much done, except for one room.

**Yuna:** I think I’m pretty traumatized, tbh.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** I have never seen so many yaoi doujinshi in one box…

 

**Kyung-Soo:** One of Talon’s agents is a yaoi fangirl? And they are a terrorist organization?

 

**Sombra:** Moira doesn’t represent all of us.

**Sombra:** The rest of us have class.

 

**Lúcio:** Okay but like...there’s a lot of those gay hentai manga…

**Lúcio:** Like it’s fine to read that stuff but...there’s a lot.

**Lúcio:** Like, a lot!

**Lúcio: *texts photo***

**Lúcio: *texts photo***

**Lúcio: *texts photo***

 

**Jesse:** I’m going to vomit.

**Jesse:** That just looks very wrong for one woman to have…

 

**Genji:** I have seen the deepest pits of anime hell and that just takes the cake.

 

**Angela:** brb, going to bleach my eyes out.

 

**Jesse:** Save some for me.

 

**Sombra:** Oh perfect. Blackmail on Moira.

 

**Lena:** Okay, guys check this out.

**Lena: *texts photo***

 

**Sombra:** I knew it!

**Sombra:** Widowmaker does hoards her baguettes!

 

**Hanzo:** What have we become?

**Hanzo:** Overwatch and Talon are just acting like two separate college fraternities, pranking each other.

 

**Jack:** You just realize this now?

 

**Ana:** It could be worse. We could actually be trying to kill each other.

 

**Jack:** I prefer doing that.

 

**Sombra:** And hurt your precious thunder thighs baby? Your hunk, Gabe?

 

**Hana:** BWAHAHAHAHAH AAAHHHHHH

 

**Angela:** Ew. Did not need to know that.

 

**Jesse:** Jack being a romantic? Ew.

 

**Jack:** UM? What are you talking about?

 

**Sombra:** I’ll gladly bring up the texts.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Please don’t.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Please. Our minds have been scarred so much.

**Jae-Eun:** Apparently the yaoi fangirl also likes tentacles.

 

**Angela:** Stop looking through her stuff…

 

**Yuna:** You think it was that easy but her shit is everywhere. We can’t avoid it.

 

**Brigitte:** So we are just going to ignore that Jack and Gabe might have something together?

 

**Jack:** We don’t.

 

**Jesse:** That’s a big fat lie.

 

**Genji:** That’s bullshit.

 

**Lena:** The entire base knows you have something between you and Gabe at this point.

 

**Jack:** No. We really don’t.

 

**Sombra: *texts photo***

**Sombra:** This is only one screenshot of thousands.

 

**Ana:** I respected you, Jack. 

**Ana:** How could you be so...vulgar?

 

**Fareeha:** Angela and I will actually go out to buy bleach. Anyone wants some?

 

**Jesse:** Me.

 

**Genji:** Me.

 

**Ana:** Me.

 

**Hanzo:** Me.

 

**Mei:** Me.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Me.

 

**Yuna:** Me.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Me.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Me.

 

**Hana:** Me.

 

**Lúcio:** Me.

 

**Lena:** Me.

 

**Zarya:** Me.

 

**Winston:** Me.

 

**Reinhardt:** ME

 

**Torbjörn:** Me

 

**Zenyatta:** Me.

 

**Bastion:** Me.

 

**Junkrat:** Me.

 

**Roadhog:** Me.

 

**Brigitte:** Me.

 

**Sombra:** Me.

 

**Jack:** WHERE DID THE REST OF YOU GUYS COME FROM?????

 

**Zarya:** We’re always here on the chat. Some of us contribute when we feel like it.

 

**Jack:** YOU GUYS HAVE SUCH GREAT TIMING!!!

 

**Hana:** Hey, we are here to finish a maze. Not discuss Jack and Gabe’s fetishes. Get back to work @Angela @Fareeha @Jesse @Genji

 

**Jesse:** We finished our work!

 

**Yuna:** Do yaoi fangirl’s room for us. We can’t do it.

 

**Angela:** Hell no, we are not. You guys picked straws and that’s what you got.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Seung-Hwa is going to faint. We prefer not to destroy the mind of our most innocent one.

 

**Hana:** Seung-Hwa is far from innocent…

 

**Seung-Hwa:** After what we just seen in this room, I’m never going to look at anime again.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** This is why I hate anime.

 

**Yuna:** Anime is hereby banned in our Meka team.

 

**Jae-Eun:** No anime 5ever.

 

**Genji:** Not all anime are horrible. Just saying.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Lol, sure.

 

**Genji:** Really, there are some that are very cute and sweet.

 

**Jae-Eun:** I guess that’s true. 

 

**Yuna:** Still don’t trust it.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Anime is for kids or fucked up perverts. No in between.

 

**Yuna:** I read manghwa that are so much more classier than anime shit.

 

**Genji:** You guys are being particularly unfair towards anime.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Anime doesn’t make it easier for itself.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** It makes the Asian community look bad, honestly.

**Kyung-Soo:** Anyone who watches anime are lonely, single, little perverts or dumb, oblivious kids.

 

**Genji:** ...

**Genji:** Why don’t I recommend one and you tell me if you still don’t want to give anime a chance?

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Fine, what do you recommend?

 

**Genji:** Boku No Pico

**Genji:** You might as well check it out since my friends left to go buy bleach and left me all alone

 

**Jack:** They are really going to drink bleach??

 

**Jesse:** We are.

 

**Yuna:** Fine, I guess we don’t have anything else to do.

  
  


XXX

 

**In group chat “Salty Gays and Genji”**

 

**Angela:** That was evil.

 

**Fareeha:** Very evil.

 

**Jesse:** Genji, you are going to make Korea an enemy of Overwatch.

 

**Genji:** Well, no one stopped me.

 

**Angela:** Because we are buying bleach for our sanities.

 

**Jesse:** Why would you do that?

 

**Fareeha:** We’re still mad at you for pulling that trick on us…

 

**Genji:** I had to. It had to be done.

**Genji:** They don’t have to like anime but they didn’t need to get nasty with it.

 

**Angela:** You didn’t need to mentally ruin them.

 

**Genji:** I could’ve recommended Bible Black 

 

**Angela:** Dear god…

 

**Fareeha:** That might be a bit better than the one you just suggested.

 

**Jesse:** Why are we friends with you?

 

**Genji:** Why do you guys still hang with me? 

**Genji:** For the Japanese snacks.

 

**Fareeha:** You’re not wrong.

**Fareeha:** But that was a fucked up thing to do.

 

**Genji:** Those little shits should’ve watched their mouths.

 

**Angela:** If they become an enemy of us because of you, Genji, we are not going to acknowledge your existence.

 

**Genji:** I’ll accept that.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Hana:** GENJI WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

 

**Genji:** No one talks shit about anime and gets away with it.

 

**Hana:** THAT DIDN’T MEAN GO SCAR MY FRIENDS AND MAKE THEM CRY!

**Hana:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I IGNORE CHAT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND MY FRIENDS SCREAM OUT OF HERE WITH THEIR HANDS CLAWING THEIR EYES

 

**Genji:** They deserve it.

 

**Angela:** They really don’t…

 

**Hana:** I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO MURDER YOU GENJI

 

**Sombra:** Dude...Genji….

**Sombra:** Are you okay? Do I need to call a doctor?

 

**Jesse:** Or the police. Both is good.

 

**Brigitte:** @Angela @Fareeha @Jesse Do you guys have bleach yet?

 

**Angela:** On our way.

 

**Lena:** You’re the doctor...you shouldn’t do this….

 

**Angela:** I’m human and sometimes I need to drink bleach to undo the scars of what I have seen.

 

**Genji:** Truth. Jack and Gabe’s convo was fucking weird.

 

**Hana:** OH OKAY GENJI AND WHAT YOU DID WASN’T FUCKED UP????

 

**Mei:** I have no idea what is going on in this chat but you guys should come home bc I’m cooking up a huge dinner.

 

**Jesse:** Oh fuck yes!! I love Mei’s cooking.

 

**Fareeha:** The bleach can wait.

 

**Angela:** Alright, we are on our way.

 

**Hana:** THIS IS NOT OVER GENJI

 

**Genji:** IT ALREADY IS OKAY? YOUR FRIENDS DESERVE IT FOR DISRESPECTING ANIME

 

**Hana:** THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SINGLE!!!

 

**Genji:** AND THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE WITH ME

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “Talon”**

 

**Reaper:** @SOMBRA WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU??

 

**Widowmaker:** Why? Why us?

 

**Doomfist:** This is actually pretty impressive…

 

**Moira:** Where is my room?? I can’t find it. I think I circled like 20 times…

 

**Reaper:** I AM STUCK IN YOUR ROOM AND I CAN’T GET OUT

**Reaper:** MOIRA, WHY DO YOU READ THIS STUFF???

 

**Moira:** I’m holding on to them for a friend.

 

**Widowmaker:** You have no friends.

 

**Moira:** I do…

 

**Doomfist:** You don’t.

 

**Reaper:** @SOMBRA WHY WHY WHY????

 

**Sombra:** Okay, you guys think you got it bad? I just saw four poor Koreans run out of the base, crying and screaming about how anime is pure filth. What they saw is something I never want to even be mentioned to me again.

 

**Reaper:** THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY THERE IS A FUCKING MAZE IN THE BASE

 

**Widowmaker:** Why…?

 

**Doomfist:** Through conflict, we evolve.

 

**Widowmaker:** Stop saying that all the time…

 

**Doomfist:** THROUGH CONFLICT, WE EVOLVE.

 

**Reaper:** CAN YOU JUST PUNCH THROUGH THE MAZE???

 

**Doomfist:** THROUGH CONFLICT WE EVOLVE

 

**Widowmaker:** STOP NO MY BAGUETTES!

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**_[Due to Genji’s atrocious actions, please do not add anyone that is NOT part of Overwatch into the chat. If you are Sombra, do what you want. We can’t stop you but we do highly recommend you follow the new rule. We are extremely lucky that we were able to talk the MEKA team from suing us. Please stay civil, if you can, but do not recommend animations of highly inappropriate content in the work environment. Thank you, Winston]_ **

 

**Lena:** I mean...this is kinda contradicting...

 

**Kyung-Soo:** We’re still staying on the chat tho, you guys are pretty fun.

**Kyung-Soo:** except genji

 

**Genji:** Don’t disrespect anime.

 

**Yuna:** I can’t even believe a production team animated those….

 

**Sombra:** And just like that, nothing has changed.

 

**Jesse:** But hey, we got to eat some Chinese food at the end of the day :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know ONE of you guys fell for the ‘Watch this anime’ trick when you started watching anime. I know at least ONE of you guys fell for it, and now you have trust issues like me.
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	13. Contracts?; Food Thieves

**Hana:** WHO FUCKING DID IT??? WHO FUCKING DID IT??!!!!!!

 

**Jesse:** JESUS CHRIST WHY DID YOU USE THE EMERGENCY TEXT SYSTEM????

 

**Genji:** Why is the emergency text system even a thing?

 

**Jack:** For emergencies.

 

**Genji:** No shit Sherlock...

 

**Ana:** This better be a fucking emergency…

 

**Lena:** Bloody hell, luv...It’s 2 am in the morning…

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Well…

 

**Yuna:** Why did we get the notification??

 

**Jack:** Because you haven’t left the chat…

 

**Jae-Eun:** Don’t get sassy with us.

**Jae-Eun:** We can still sue you guys for what Genji has done.

 

**Genji:** GET OVER IT

 

**Kyung-Soo:** GET SOME HELP 

 

**Genji:** BE MORE RESPECTFUL YOU MEAN LITTLE SHITS.

 

**Angela:** Well, this chat got lively all of a sudden.

 

**Hana:** EMERGENCY HERE

**Hana:** WHO THE FUCK TORE OFF THE CHICKEN SKIN OFF MY FRIED CHICKEN AND JUST ATE THAT PART???

 

**Jesse:** I will actually murder you, Hana…

 

**Hanzo:** You used the emergency text system for a stolen chicken skin…???

 

**Lúcio:** GIRL NO THEY DID NOT

**Lúcio:** THAT’S THE BEST PART OF THE FRIED CHICKEN

 

**Lena:** Dude...that’s actually fucked up…

 

**Jack:** IT IS JUST FOOD, HANA

 

**Hana:** SOMEONE WENT INTO THE FRIDGE AND TOOK THE SKIN OFF MY FRIED CHICKEN

 

**Mei:** Really? I woke up to this…

 

**Lúcio:** YOU DO NOT JUST TAKE SOMEONE’S CHICKEN SKIN!

 

**Fareeha:** You know...we could eat less meat in this base…

 

**Jack:** Um? You don’t speak for everyone.

 

**Angela:** Eating less meat could benefit for our healths.

 

**Hana:** I DON’T CARE. SOMEONE ATE THE CHICKEN SKIN OFF OF MY FRIED CHICKEN

 

**Ana:** THIS IS NOT AN EMERGENCY!!!!

 

**Jesse:** HANA

**Jesse:** IT IS JUST CHICKEN

 

**Hana:** IT WAS MY CHICKEN

 

**Yuna:** It was her chicken.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** It is her chicken.

 

**Jae-Eun:** You don’t eat a part of someone else’s food…

 

**Kyung-Soo:** She has every right to be angry.

 

**Jesse:** She has every right to not use the emergency text system…

 

**Hanzo:** Who eats at 2 am in the morning…??

 

**Hana:** ME

**Hana:** I DO

**Hana:** I WAS HUNGRY

**Hana:** NOW I AIN’T GOING TO SHUT UP UNTIL THE CULPRIT CONFESSES

 

**Sombra:** Before I join. Let me fix something.

 

**Sombra added Satya to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Sombra:** fixed it. :)

 

**Satya:** Why?

**Satya:** Why would you do this to me?

 

**Sombra:** Just because you break your phone and got a new one, doesn’t mean you can leave the chat.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** I am actually debating on leaving Overwatch entirely and getting away from all of you.

 

**Lúcio:** Hurry up then.

 

**Satya:** No need to tell me twice.

 

**Hana:** HEY

**Hana:** STILL HAVE A SITUATION 

 

**Jack:** Hana, your problem isn’t even a problem.

**Jack:** Satya, you can’t leave Overwatch. You are under a contract.

 

**Satya:** What?

**Satya:** A contract?

 

**Angela:** Woah, woah…

**Angela:** Did we signed a contract?

 

**Jesse:** This is the first time I’m hearing this…

 

**Genji:** I do not remember signing a paper…

 

**Hanzo:** You guys didn’t sign an electronic contract?

 

**Fareeha:** Was that what I was signing?

 

**Lena:** I vaguely remember that…

 

**Lúcio:** If Angela doesn’t recall, then I call fake news on this so-call contracts.

 

**Jack:** You guys did sign a contract….Winston or I witnessed it.

 

**Angela:** I sign a bunch of stuff so it’s possible I signed a contract…

 

**Satya:** What contract are you talking about, Jack?

 

**Jack:** This one. 

**Jack: *texts photo***

 

**Jesse:** Yeah not ringing a bell…

 

**Genji:** WAIT

**Genji:** We can’t leave Overwatch unless it is by death???

 

**Angela:** Huh. Never knew that.

 

**Ana:** I...don’t remember any contract…

**Ana:** Wait...so technically Jack and I can just leave Overwatch since we did play dead??

 

**Jack:** Do you not remember that you signed a new contract when you came back?

 

**Ana:** I did?

**Ana:** What…??

 

**Mei:** Why is Jack the only one who seems to remember some kind of contract?

 

**Jesse:** Rigged. This whole system is rigged.

 

**Hanzo:** We did sign a contract. I don’t know why you guys can’t seem to remember…

 

**Satya:** I don’t remember this.

**Satya:** I, of all people, would have remembered signing a contract.

 

**Lúcio:** Well, you, of all people, don’t seem to recall a contract so you’re just fucked with the rest of us.

 

**Jack:** I saw half of you guys signing it…

 

**Jesse:** Rigged

 

**Genji:** There is some Illuminati shit going on…

 

**Hana:** HEY!

**Hana:** I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHO ATE THE SKIN OF MY FRIED CHICKEN

**Hana:** I WILL CONFRONT YOU IN YOUR ROOMS IF NO ONE CONFESSES

 

**Jesse:** Please no…

 

**Fareeha:** Please don’t…

 

**Hana:** DON’T TEST ME

 

**Jack:** GO TO SLEEP

 

**Hana:** NO

 

**Jesse:** I will personally escort you to bed if you don’t put the issue aside for the morning.

 

**Hana:** HEY

**Hana:** FUCK YOU

**Hana:** NOW I WILL GIVE YOU ALL TILL THE COUNT OF THREE AND THE CULPRIT BETTER CONFESS OR DOORS ARE GOING TO BE BREAKING DOWN!

**Hana:** 1

 

**Ana:** Someone confess...please…

 

**Jesse:** Well I know Hanzo and I didn’t do it.

 

**Jack:** Who did?

 

**Satya:** I didn’t.

 

**Lena:** Not me.

 

**Lúcio:** Nor me

 

**Hana:** 2

 

**Fareeha:** I surely didn’t do it.

 

**Genji:** I didn’t do it.

 

**Jesse:** So who does that leave?

 

**Mei:** I know Zarya and I didn’t eat it.

 

**Sombra:** …

**Sombra:** You know. I can save you all the trouble since I can look at the cameras and see who did it.

 

**Jack:** Why haven’t you?

 

**Sombra:** And ruin the suspense and fun?

**Sombra:** Nah, I want to see if the culprit will actually confess.

 

**Hana:** WELL IT IS 1 NOW, BITCHES, SO LAST CHANCE 

**Hana:** WHO FUCKING ATE IT?

 

**Angela:** I did.

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Ana:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Mei:** …

 

**Satya:** …

 

**Fareeha:** …

**Fareeha:** Wait…

**Fareeha:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT

**Fareeha:** WHEN DID YOU LEAVE THE BED?????

 

**Angela:** A few hours ago…

 

**Jesse:** Wait…

**Jesse:** Fareeha, you’re telling me that Angela slipped out of bed and you didn’t notice until now?

 

**Fareeha:** She’s an actual ninja. I swear.

 

**Genji:** Um? Hello??

 

**Hanzo:** Genji, even Reinhardt can be a better ninja than you.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU

 

**Hana:** So...Angela

**Hana:** You ate the skin off my fried chicken?

 

**Angela:** Yeah, I got hungry. Sorry. 

**Angela:** When I’m in my zone, I barely register what goes on around me unless it’s my research.

 

**Fareeha:** YOU NEED SLEEP, ANGELA

 

**Angela:** I know...sowwy ;(

 

**Hana:** You know what? That’s fine. :)

**Hana:** At least you confessed.

**Hana:** Good night, everyone.

 

**Jesse:** YOU CAN NOT CAUSE A SCENE AND JUST ACCEPT ANGELA’S APOLOGY LIKE THAT!

 

**Jack:** FOR FUCK SAKE, HANA! YOU USED THE EMERGENCY TEXT SYSTEM TO WAKE US ALL UP FOR THIS

 

**Hana:** Oops ;p

 

**Yuna:** I mean...it could have been worse?

**Yuna:** One time, Jae-Eun ate Hana’s food and she slithered worms into his mouth while he slept.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Weirdest and most disgusting night of my life…

 

**Kyung-Soo:** You deserve it, tbh.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Fuck you…

 

**Ana:** OH BUT ANGELA GETS AWAY WITH IT???

**Ana:** WE ALL WOKE UP FOR THIS!

 

**Sombra:** Well, I took the liberty of silencing Brigitte’s phone so she won’t be bothered.

 

**Hana:** I’m considerate. :)

 

**Jack:** OH?????

 

**Sombra:** Junkrat and Roadhog slept right through it. Not surprising.

**Sombra:** Everyone else are just really hard sleepers.

 

**Jesse:** WE SUFFERED THO

 

**Hana:** Look.

**Hana:** I really don’t want to fight a sleep deprived Swiss doctor at 2 am in the morning.

**Hana:** That’s basically asking to become a victim in an old medical horror film.

 

**Fareeha:** You are not wrong.

**Fareeha:** Only I can drag her back to bed.

**Fareeha:** SO MY LADY LOVE, GET BACK TO BED

 

**Angela:** Coming~

 

**Jesse:** OK NO I REFUSE TO LET THIS SLIDE.

**Jesse:** I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING AWOKEN AT 2 AM IN THE MORNING

**Jesse:** WHICH HAPPENS A LOT HERE ON THIS FUCKING BASE

**Jesse:** IF HANA IS TOO MUCH OF A WUSS TO FIGHT ANGELA, THEN I WILL FIGHT THE DOCTOR FOR BEING THE REASON WHY I AM UP

 

**Genji:** Jesse. Do you actually want to die?

 

**Fareeha:** You, of all people, should realize that’s a horrible idea.

 

**Ana:** Yeah, Jesse. Let it go. Don’t fight Angela.

 

**Jack:** Let it go and go to sleep.

 

**Angela:** No, fight me bitch.

**Angela:** I am still holding a grudge from when you ate my chocolate cake that I waited for 8 hours to get.

 

**Jesse:** THAT WAS 20 YEARS AGO 

 

**Angela:** EIGHT HOURS IN THE COLD

**Angela:** IT WAS A LIMITED EDITION SPECIAL AND IT WAS THE LAST TIME THAT BAKERY WAS GOING TO MAKE IT

**Angela:** AND YOU ATE IT!

 

**Jesse:** YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT YOUR NAME ON IT

 

**Angela:** I PERSONALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IT

 

**Jesse:** WHY WOULD YOU RELY ON THE POWER OF SPEECH WHEN WRITING IS MORE CONCRETE!?

 

**Angela:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE DECENTLY SMART ENOUGH TO REMEMBER

 

**Jesse:** BITCH!!!!

**Jesse:** I AM COMING DOWN TO FIGHT

 

**Angela:** I AM WAITING SLOWPOKE

 

**Jesse:** Let me tuck my darling in before I leave.

 

**Angela:** oh, then take your time.

 

**Jesse:** Thanks, I appreciate it.

 

**Angela:** No problem. :)

 

**Jesse:** OKAY I AM READY TO FIGHT

 

**Angela:** SQUARE UP YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT

 

**Ana:** This brings back memories, tbh

**Ana:** They always got into physical fights when they were younger. 

**Ana:** They fought all the time like this.

 

**Jack:** ALL the time...

 

**Genji:** So we are all in unison that Angela will win?

 

**Jack:** Did you even need to ask?

 

**Mei:** @Hanzo, shouldn’t you stop your boyfriend?

 

**Hanzo:** When you make mistakes, you need to learn from them.

 

**Mei:** …

 

**Hanzo:** I’m also very comfortable in bed, tucked in, and I really don’t want to get up to stop him.

 

**Mei:** Oh, that’s perfectly understandable.

 

**Sombra:** So would it be useless to put up a pot for bets?

 

**Seung-Hwa:** I really don’t believe the doctor will beat the cowboy...

 

**Hana:** Well you haven’t been here long enough to see that statement is 100% false

 

**Yuna:** Well, she did practically break Jae-Eun’s hand when we came by to visit.

 

**Jae-Eun:** God that was hot.

 

**Fareeha:** Back off.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Yes Ma’am.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Yeah, the doctor will win.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Yeah, I’ll change my vote.

 

**Sombra:** Aw no fair. I like bets.

**Sombra:** Well, I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.

**Sombra:** I’m looking at the cameras. Angela just won.

 

**Ana:** Figures.

 

**Jack:** Not surprising.

 

**Sombra:** Oh, Jesse is trying to make a comeback.

**Sombra:** Ooo, he tried to pull off a left hook but he missed.

**Sombra:** Angela just kneed him in the balls.

**Sombra:** A bit low but she’s winning.

 

**Genji:** Surprisingly, this is lasting longer than any other fight they had.

 

**Ana:** that’s true.

**Ana:** remember when Angela just took his hat and flung it out the window.

 

**Jack:** Fastest fight ever.

**Jack:** Although Jesse jumped out the window for that hat.

 

**Fareeha:** Why doesn’t Jesse understand to never fight with someone with a strong medical background?

 

**Ana:** Angela and Jesse have a brother-sister relationship.

**Ana:** If you had a sibling,you would understand.

 

**Genji:** Oh yeah, I get it.

 

**Hanzo:** No, you don’t at all.

 

**Genji:** Love you too, bro.

 

**Hanzo:** The feeling is not mutual.

 

**Genji:** Oh, Hanzo. You big goof.

 

**Jack:** Really feeling the love…

 

**Hana:** aren’t we all feeling peachy?

 

**Lena:** God why are you guys still up?

 

**Satya:** Can we have one quiet and peaceful night?

 

**Lúcio:** No, so why don’t you leave?

 

**Satya:** Hey, did you know you don’t have to comment on everything I say?

 

**Lúcio:** Hey! Don’t tell me what to do.

 

**Sombra:** Calm down, children. Only one fight per night.

**Sombra:** Oh, I see Fareeha jumped in.

**Sombra:** Oh my god.

**Sombra: *texts video***

 

**Hana:** I change my mind.

**Hana:** Fareeha is really the one we should fear.

 

**Lena:** OH REALLY? YOU JUST REALIZE THAT!??

 

**Jack:** How did she just walk in the middle of the fight without harm?

 

**Ana:** Helix must have been a hell hole for her.

 

**Mei:** Did she really just lift Angela and Jesse over her shoulders?

 

**Yuna:** She picked them up like they are puppies…

 

**Jae-Eun:** What did she do??? They immediately quieted up.

 

**Genji:** Angela knows she has to behave or she might sleep on the couch and Jesse can’t handle Fareeha’s strength.

**Genji:** If you guys spend one day with us, you will see that Fareeha is actually the real Alpha leader.

**Genji:** Sure we tease her but we know our boundaries with her.

 

**Hanzo:** That sounds accurate.

 

**Genji:** Oh you agree with me?

 

**Hanzo:** Yes.

 

**Genji:** This has been a great night of healing and progress, brother.

 

**Hanzo:** Shut up and go to sleep.

 

**Hana:** Brotherly love right there.

 

**Lúcio:** Looks toxic.

 

**Genji:** I was in pieces once so this is a great improvement.

 

**Sombra:** Update

**Sombra:** Fareeha just dropped Jesse off to his room and is taking Angela away.

**Sombra:** Wait

**Sombra:** she’s going the opposite way of their room

**Sombra:** Why are they heading to the medical bay instead of their room?

**Sombra:** Oh

**Sombra:** nevermind...

 

**Ana:** aaaannnd we stop the spying commentary

 

**Jack:** Goodnight everyone!

 

**Hana:** Night!

 

**Lena:** Nighty night!

 

**Genji:** Night.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** @ANGELA IF FAREEHA DIDN’T INTERFERE, I WOULD HAVE WON!

 

**Angela:** Go back to sleep and cuddle your boyfriend. It’ll do some good for yah.

 

**Jack:** IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE HOUR! GO TO SLEEP!

 

**Ana:** DO NOT MAKE ME TAKE OUT MY SLEEP DARTS!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always tuck in the bae before you go fight someone~
> 
> Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	14. WTF; Satya Technically Wins?

**Sombra added Moira, Reaper, Widowmaker, and Doomfist to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Doomfist:** WHY?

 

**Reaper:** Um…

 

**Widowmaker:** Please no. I want out.

 

**Hana:** Huh.

**Hana:** I’m actually surprised you didn’t add them into the chat earlier.

 

**Jack:** Didn’t Winston’s last formal announcement say not to add anyone that is NOT part of Overwatch?

 

**Lena:** We still haven’t kicked Sombra out and we don’t want to kick her out. So yeah, none of that matters at this point.

 

**Sombra:** I woke up this morning and I was like, ‘Yo. How come Talon isn’t in the Overwatch chat yet? I should fix that.’

 

**Hana:** This may go very bad or absolutely amazing.

 

**Widowmaker:** I already can’t deal with the Talon chat.

 

**Lúcio:** Oh hey, Hana’s sugar momma. What’s up? Been a while.

 

**Widowmaker:** It could be better but I’m fine. For now...

 

**Ana:** What??

 

**Lena:** It’s Hana’s sugar momma.

 

**Jack:** WHAT?

 

**Hana:** Widowmaker is my sugar momma.

 

**Angela:** Oh yeah. Jack, you didn’t go with us for that Disneyland/Universal Studio trip we took a few months back.

**Angela:** Yeah, Widowmaker is apparently Hana’s sugar momma.

 

**Ana:** I went and I didn’t know!?

 

**Fareeha:** Well, we all kinda just talked on that chat.

**Fareeha:** You were our designated driver, remember?

 

**Jack:** How long has this sugar momma thing been going on???

 

**Hana:** For a while now. I mean how else did you guys think I was able to afford to buy my own food.

 

**Jack:** Does everyone know this??

 

**Jesse:** Just the people who went on that trip. It was Genji, Angela, Fareeha, Lena, Hanzo, Lúcio, Hana, and I that knew this. Ana just drove us.

 

**Ana:** All I remember was spanking Angela all the time because she was acting like a child brat.

 

**Angela:** YOU DID NOT HAVE TO SPANK ME! I AM NOT A CHILD.

 

**Jesse:** That wasn’t as bad as when you kicked Angela out into oncoming traffic.

 

**Angela:** YEAH THAT WAS KINDA FUCKED UP THING TO DO

 

**Fareeha:** At least I walked back to the penthouse with you :)

 

**Angela:** Of course~ you are so good to me, Faweeha~~~

 

**Genji:** GAAAAYYYY!

 

**Ana:** You guys were horrible on that trip.

 

**Fareeha:** Remember the Disneyland trip that we went on when I was a kid? That was pretty bad.

 

**Angela:** That was the worse. Genji was the most depressing emo kid ever. I don’t know why we even invited him.

 

**Jesse:** Remember when Hanzo and Genji mowed down some kids to just see Mulan.

 

**Hanzo:** Please don’t remind me...that was years ago.

 

**Jesse:** I thought it was very cute of you, darling~

 

**Hanzo:** Well, as long as you didn’t think that was weird.

 

**Genji:** It was weird, tbh.

 

**Hanzo:** Shut up.

 

**Jae-Eun:** I’M SORRY WHAT??

**Jae-Eun:** Hana leaves the Meka team and has two girlfriends AND a sugar momma????

 

**Hana:** Well like I honestly don’t do anything for Widowmaker in return. She kinda just hands me money and I spent it.

 

**Widowmaker:** This is true.

 

**Moira:** I’M SORRY

**Moira:** YOU JUST HAND A FUCKING KID SOME MONEY??? BUT YOU WON’T LET ME BORROW MONEY TO PAY OFF SOME DEBTS??

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re not D.Va.

 

**Hana:** Yeah Moira, fuck off.

 

**Angela:** Oh god, kick her out.

 

**Moira:** Angela, there’s no reason to be nasty with me.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, only I can be nasty to Angela.

 

**Angela:** ;)

 

**Fareeha:** ;)))

 

**Hana:** STOP

 

**Jack:** Wait….so you just ‘hand’ Hana money for….??

 

**Widowmaker:** I like paying for people’s stuff. It makes me feel empowered.

 

**Moira:** Is this some kind of money kink?

 

**Lena:** If it is, then who is complaining?

 

**Hana:** Certainly not me.

 

**Angela:** Widowmaker, I still haven’t forgiven you for all the insults you called me back at that trip.

 

**Widowmaker:** Okay, Doctor Wrinkletits.

 

**Angela:** I’m going to ignore that.

**Angela:** But I also want to suggest that maybe Widowmaker has some motherly need to care for a child so she gives Hana money to fill in the void of motherly instincts.

 

**Jesse:** So it’s basically you but without the money?

 

**Angela:** Fuck you.

 

**Lúcio:** WIDOWMAKER!

**Lúcio:** DOES THAT VOID HAVE ROOM FOR MORE CHILD FIGURES??

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Sombra:** Huh, I never thought of that. I thought she got off by watching people spend her money.

**Sombra:** It’s why I just hack her bank accounts.

 

**Reaper:** She won’t buy Talon any more double-ply toilet paper…

 

**Doomfist:** We really aren’t asking for much…

 

**Widowmaker:** I don’t like buying things for Talon.

 

**Moira:** YEAH

**Moira:** WE NOTICED!

 

**Kyung-Soo:** I’m debating on leaving Meka and join Overwatch.

 

**Yuna:** Me too…

 

**Jack:** Sorry, we aren’t accepting applications.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Wow...rude.

 

**Hana:** Sucks to suck, losers.

 

**Yuna:** Fuck you.

 

**Hana:** You already did.

 

**Jesse:** Wait, what?

 

**Hana:** Yuna and I fucked once. 

 

**Jesse:** I got that.

**Jesse:** Okay, damn, Hana. You got more than anyone else on this base combined.

 

**Genji:** WHY?

 

**Hana:** I’m so fucking cute, that’s why.

 

**Jesse:** @Yuna?

 

**Yuna:** I honestly don’t remember how or why but we did sleep together once.

**Yuna:** It didn’t turn serious but I never really figured out why I wasn’t against it.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Maybe because you did like her???

 

**Yuna:** Hmm. I guess???

 

**Hana:** Ouch...

 

**Sombra:** It might be her charisma.

 

**Brigitte:** Or that she looks like a cat.

 

**Sombra:** Okay well there’s that too.

 

**Jesse:** @Widowmaker?

 

**Widowmaker:** Hana made one pouty face at me when she wanted to buy some kind of video game and when I bought it for her, something just switched on and now I can’t stop spending money on her.

 

**Moira:** So...if I look more like a young Korean girl, will you help me pay off some debts?

 

**Widowmaker:** NO

 

**Angela:** I just imagine that kind of image...

**Angela:** *vomits*

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Angela:** *vomits intensely*

 

**Moira:** Okay, I get it.

 

**Reaper:** *vomits to death*

 

**Doomfist:** *vomits profusely*

 

**Sombra:** *vomits guts out*

 

**Lúcio:** *vomits blood out*

 

**Lena:** *vomits fish and chips*

 

**Fareeha:** *vomits in arabic*

 

**Jesse:** *vomits in american*

 

**Hana:** *vomits in korean*

 

**Genji:** *vomits in Japanese*

 

**Moira:** I GET IT!

 

**Mei:** Hey, if there is one thing good here. Maybe Moira will take up most of the slack of being the bottom of the barrel and Satya can get some peace?

 

**Lúcio:** I like Satya.

 

**Jesse:** WHAT?

 

**Genji:** !!!!! WHAT THE FUCK??

 

**Sombra:** OH MY GOD

 

**Lúcio:** **annoying

**Lúcio:** I like annoying Satya

**Lúcio:** Sorry I forgot to add that word in.

 

**Satya:** The damage has already been done.

 

**Lúcio:** autocorrect messed it up!

**Lúcio:** get off your high horse.

 

**Junkrat:** Hey, buster! Back off on Sayaa! That’s my woman!

 

**Jesse:** WTF IS GOING ON

 

**Genji:** SAGHADTSHJDRHYHDTY

 

**Lena:** Am I drunk?

 

**Satya:** Why do I even join the chat?

 

**Lúcio:** Junkrat and Satya, sitting in the tree!

**Lúcio:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 

**Junkrat:** Aw shucks, you wrote a song about us?

 

**Satya:** We are NOT dating. 

 

**Lúcio:** Yeah, because we are dating!

 

**Angela:** Was our breakfast drugged or something?

 

**Ana:** What is going on?

 

**Lúcio:** I DID NOT TYPE THAT AT ALL!

**Lúcio:** SOMBRA THAT WAS YOU!

 

**Sombra:** I wish I could take credit for that but I really didn’t do anything.

 

**Lúcio:** LIAR

 

**Sombra:** I really didn’t!

 

**Hana:** Don’t yell at my girlfriend!

 

**Lúcio:** THEN WHO THE FUCK TYPED THAT ON MY PHONE!?

 

**Lena:** It sounds like it was YOU!

 

**Lúcio:** I did not type that!!!!

 

**Satya:** Good because the thought of even liking you makes me want to vomit.

 

**Lúcio:** Oh beautiful maiden, do not say such vulgar things.

**Lúcio:** I DID NOT TYPE THAT AT ALL!

 

**Jesse:** This is hilarious.

 

**Genji:** I don’t know who is doing it but this is pure gold.

 

**Hana:** STOP STOP MY STOMACH HURTS!!!

 

**Junkrat:** HEY! I SAW HER FIRST!

 

**Satya:** That honestly doesn’t mean anything.

**Satya:** And please stop...we are NOT dating and I refuse to even consider you as a man.

 

**Lúcio:** My good sir! We will fight in a duel to win this lady’s heart!

 

**Junkrat:** YOU ARE ON!

 

**Lúcio:** WAIT JUNKRAT I DIDN’T SAY THAT MY PHONE IS ACTING UP.

 

**Angela:** This is getting more and more confusing.

 

**Doomfist:** Why didn’t we join this chat earlier? This is hilarious!

 

**Reaper:** @Jack, yeah how come you didn’t at least let me in?

 

**Jack:** Gabe, please. Not on the chat.

 

**Jesse:** SO YOU TWO ARE DATING?

 

**Fareeha:** Busted!

 

**Jack:** Mind your own business!

 

**Reaper:** *shrugs*

**Reaper:** Overwatch and Talon are already such a laughing stock so it really doesn’t matter now.

 

**Angela:** You’re not wrong.

 

**Brigitte:** So I’ve been scrolling through chat and I’m going to assume that all the racket up there is Junkrat fighting Lúcio? Is that right?

 

**Hana:** You are correct.

 

**Brigitte:** Alrighty.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message:**

 

**Satya:** I really did not think that would work so well.

 

**Hanzo:** I didn’t even think it would work.

 

**Satya:** How did you do it?

 

**Hanzo:** I don’t know. I just jammed pieces together and it turned on so I assume something worked.

 

**Satya:** Well, it really messed up Lúcio’s phone.

**Satya:** I didn’t expect Junkrat though…

 

**Hanzo:** Yeah, that was surprising…

 

**Sombra:** AAAAHHHH HAAAAAH! BUSTED!

 

**Satya:** If you’re going to expose this, then at least wait until Junkrat and Lúcio stopped fighting.

 

**Sombra:** As tempting as that is.

**Sombra:** I’m really curious what Hanzo did.

 

**Hanzo:** I was hanging out with Satya and we were meddling with some old technology parts. I tinkered with some of them and then I made an object that can intercept people’s phones.

 

**Sombra:** Do you remember how?

 

**Hanzo:** No. 

**Hanzo:** And it broke so I wouldn’t be able to rebuild it.

 

**Satya:** But it was fun while it lasted.

 

**Sombra:** Hmmm.

**Sombra:** Well it was pretty hilarious so I won’t bother telling everyone what you did.

 

**Satya:** I feel like there’s a catch…

 

**Sombra:** No. No catch.

 

**Satya:** Really?

 

**Sombra:** Really! I’m not that mean.

**Sombra:** I can respect and appreciate a good hacking moment. Even if it was accidental.

 

**Satya:** Really?

**Satya:** Then thank you for keeping this a secret.

 

**Sombra:** No problem!

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Jack:** JUNKRAT WE TALKED ABOUT BRINGING BOMBS INSIDE THE BASE!!!

 

**Junkrat:** I DO IT FOR HONOR OF A LADY’S HEART

 

**Satya:** I don’t want your honor.

 

**Junkrat:** Aw.

**Junkrat:** aw well then

 

**Jesse:** YOU BLEW UP LIKE HALF OF THE BASE!!!

 

**Genji:** AND DESTROYED EVERYONE ELSE’S PHONES!

 

**Widowmaker:** Huh. How convenient. I just got a bill for thousands of dollars worth of new phones.

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, Hana requested it.

 

**Widowmaker:** All right then.

 

**Moira:** SO EVERYONE GETS NEW FUCKING PHONES BUT YOU STILL WON’T LEND ME MONEY TO PAY OFF A DEBT!?

 

**Widowmaker:** Yes.

 

**Moira:** Un-fucking-fair.

 

**Jesse:** You think you have problems!? Junkrat just destroyed the base!

 

**Junkrat:** I had to prove I was a man!

 

**Satya:** You’re not.

 

**Jae-Eun:** BURN

 

**Jack:** I should’ve just stayed dead….

 

**Reaper:** You think death can get your out of this relationship?

**Reaper:** I don’t think so.

 

**Jack:** Gabe, please…

**Jack:** Not on the chat…

 

**Seung-Hwa:** This chat is so funny.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse added Angela, Fareeha, Mei, Zarya, Hana, Lúcio, Lena, Ana, Reinhardt, Torbjörn, and Brigitte to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Lúcio:** The only thing I like out of this was the fact that we got the newest and latest phones.

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re welcome.

 

**Jack:** What has Overwatch become?

 

**Sombra:** A riot.

 

**Doomfist:** What has Talon become?

 

**Moira:** A fucking joke.

 

**Angela:** Truth.

 

**Moira:** I would get sassy with you but you agreed with me so that makes me happier.

 

**Angela:** Don’t get use to it.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, don’t.

 

**Moira:** Yes Ma’am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those curious about the Disneyland/Universal Studio trip, that is a reference to my other short and completed chat fic “Roadtrip Shenanigans”. I know some of you guys have already read it but if you didn’t, you can find it in the “Chat Fiction” series for more shits and giggles! Let’s say that event took place a few months after the first chapter of this story. If that makes sense.
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	15. Holo 4DS; How Did Angela Do It?

**Ana:** Why is there a bunch of underwear laying around the base?

 

**Jack:** What…?

 

**Hana:** Does it bother you?

 

**Ana:** Not really.

 

**Hana:** Then don’t worry about it.

 

**Ana:** But...why?

 

**Lena:** Don’t worry about it.

 

**Jack:** Why though….??

 

**Lúcio:** Don’t worry about it.

 

**Hanzo:** Why are Jesse’s briefs out in the open?

 

**Jesse:** wat

 

**Hana:** If it doesn’t concern you, don’t worry about.

 

**Hanzo:** I’m his boyfriend, I have some reason to be worried.

 

**Lúcio:** Touché 

 

**Jesse:** Did you guys just go in my drawers and pull my underwear out?

 

**Hana:** Does it bother you?

 

**Jesse:** Kinda, yeah..

 

**Lena:** Don’t be too concern about it.

 

**Jesse:** I’m very concern…

 

**Lúcio:** Well, don’t.

 

**Jack:** Can you three just answer why there are underwear all over the base??

 

**Hana:** What part of ‘Don’t worry about it’ do you not get?

**Hana:** Do I need to pull out the dictionary?

 

**Ana:** Can you three just explain why there are underwear laying all over?

 

**Lena:** Not right now.

 

**Jesse:** YES NOW?

 

**Lúcio:** No.

 

**Angela:** You three are still at it?

 

**Hana:** WHERE DID YOU HIDE OUR HOLO 4DS??!!

 

**Angela:** Somewhere where you will never even consider to look.

 

**Lena:** We went through everyone’s rooms!

 

**Satya:** Get out…

 

**Lúcio:** We dug up every inch of earth on this base.

 

**Reinhardt:** MY DAISY FLOWERS! WHY THEM? THEY JUST BLOOMED!!!!

 

**Hana:** I personally had Sombra search every camera and every location ever.

 

**Sombra:** Seriously, doc, how the fuck were you able to hide it without the cameras detecting you.

 

**Angela:** I never said it was in a room. I just said it was somewhere where you will never consider to look.

 

**Hana:** UGH

**Hana:** We aren’t smart enough for this!

 

**Angela:** Not my problem.

 

**Ana:** What did they do?

 

**Fareeha:** They broke my rocket launcher.

 

**Lena:** It was an accident!!

 

**Fareeha:** Who the fuck goes into a locked up cabinet, take the time to break it open, grab my rocket launcher, and shoot up the training grounds and call it an accident?

 

**Lúcio:** Us

 

**Angela:** Well, this is what you get for messing with other’s personal items.

 

**Hana:** Fareeha’s rocket launcher is a personal item…?

 

**Fareeha:** It’s like how the sword is sacred to the sword wielder. My rocket launcher is precious to me. It has saved my life many times in battle.

 

**Genji:** I understand your feelings, Fareeha. My sword is my closest friend and I always respect it as it has aided me in battle many times. I would never disrespect it’s trust.

 

**Hanzo:** I literally saw you cutting a gummy bear cake with your sword last night…looks pretty disrespectful...

 

**Genji:** WTF? You saw that?!

 

**Hanzo:** I wish I didn’t.

 

**Jesse:** LMAO

 

**Hana:** Yeah okay, whatever. 

**Hana:** If we write a well worded apology letter, will you let us have our holo 4ds back?

 

**Angela:** Fareeha?

 

**Fareeha:** No.

 

**Angela:** There is your answer.

 

**Lena:** UNFAIR

 

**Lúcio:** What will it take for you to give it back?

 

**Angela:** Find it yourself.

 

**Lena:** Give us a hint.

 

**Angela:** It’s somewhere where you will never consider to look.

 

**Hana:** Give us another hint…

 

**Angela:** The location is always moving so it will not be in the same place.

 

**Lena:** WTF

 

**Lúcio:** Oh my god…

 

**Hana:** Is it on the fucking orca???

 

**Angela:** Maybe.

 

XXX

 

**Torbjörn:** YOU GUYS REALLY DID NOT HAVE TO BREAK THE ORCA APART!!!!!

 

**Jack:** WHAT??

 

**Ana:** Did you guys have to use Reinhardt’s hammer?

 

**Hana:** YES

 

**Satya:** ...was that what was all this racket?

 

**Lúcio:** YES

 

**Jesse:** ?

 

**Lúcio:** WHAT?

 

**Jesse:** Nothing?

 

**Lúcio:** Nothing what??

 

**Jesse:** No sarcastic comment at Satya?

 

**Lúcio:** NOT NOW

 

**Jack:** STOP TEARING THE OTHER ORCA APART!!

 

**Hana:** NO

 

**Jack:** @Angela, give their fucking toys back!

 

**Angela:** Sorry, the gay squad (and genji) are having lunch in Hanamura.

 

**Ana:** When did you guys leave?

 

**Hanzo:** Just now.

 

**Hana:** I SEE YOU SHITS!

**Hana:** DON’T THINK YOU CAN JUST RUN AWAY FROM US

 

**Jesse:** suck some dicks and shut up

 

**Lena:** GO FUCK YOURSELVES

 

**Genji:** Already do.

 

**Angela:** ew

 

**Fareeha:** gross

 

**Jesse:** tmi

 

**Hanzo:** Dishonor

 

**Hana:** UGHHHHH

 

**Jesse:** Angela told us where she hid it and it’s hilarious AF

 

**Fareeha:** I’m more impressed on HOW she did it.

 

**Lena:** WHERE DID SHE HIDE IT???

 

**Jesse:** Somewhere where you will never even consider to look.

 

**Lúcio:** STOP SAYING THAT

 

**Hana:** @SOMBRA PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE SOMETHING!

 

**Sombra:** I’ve been scanning the cameras and I cannot pinpoint the moment Angela hid your holo 4ds…

 

**Ana:** You know it’s useless if even Sombra can’t help.

 

**Hana:** UGHHHHHHH

 

**Lena:** We aren’t going to give up.

 

**Angela:** I only wish you luck.

 

XXX

 

**Widowmaker:** What’s all that racket?

 

**Hana:** It’s just us.

 

**Doomfist:** Are you guys in Moira’s room?

 

**Moira:** WHAT?

**Moira:** I leave for Starbucks and there are people in my room?

**Moira:** Does no one have any respect for privacy?

 

**Reaper:** You should lock your door…

 

**Moira:** Is that what that thingy on my door frame does?

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh my god…

 

**Lena:** Guys, it’s not in Moira’s room.

 

**Lúcio:** Not in Reaper’s room

 

**Reaper:** Can you guys not?

 

**Jack:** Can you three leave Talon…?

**Jack:** I highly doubt that Angela would go to Talon if Moira’s there.

 

**Angela:** That is true.

 

**Moira:** Rude.

**Moira:** Honestly, if you give me a chance you will see how much I changed.

 

**Angela:** What did you get at Starbucks?

 

**Moira:** ?

**Moira:** Chips.

 

**Angela:** Just chips?

 

**Moira:** Yes?

 

**Angela:** Squad?

 

**Fareeha:** Who goes to Starbucks for chips?

 

**Jesse:** Hell Nah, orange sister. It’s venti chai latte season.

 

**Genji:** ...no way, it’s pumpkin spice latte season

 

**Hanzo:** I prefer double mocha frap

 

**Angela:** The verdict has been decided.

**Angela:** We ain’t giving you a chance.

 

**Moira:** That’s fine.

**Moira:** I didn’t want to be a basic bitch like you guys.

 

**Fareeha:** *basic white bitch

 

**Moira:** You’re...not white….?

 

**Jesse:** racist

 

**Genji:** How dare you…

 

**Angela:** Can you not invalidate my girlfriend’s inner white girl?

 

**Fareeha:** I am so shooketh right now.

 

**Angela:** My baby is shooketh to the core.

 

**Jesse:** Fareeha is shooketh

 

**Genji:** You have shooketh the Pharah

 

**Hanzo:** Um...sure?

**Hanzo:** I don’t hang out with them all the time…

 

**Moira:** ...what?

 

**Jack:** I am as lost as you.

 

**Ana:** What do you guys not get? Fareeha is shooketh.

 

**Reaper:** What does that mean?

 

**Hana:** NO ONE FUCKING CARES

 

**Lena:** WHERE ARE OUR HOLO 4DS???

 

**Lúcio:** WHERE IS IT????

 

**Widowmaker:** Can you guys leave??

 

**Doomfist:** Through conflict do we evolve.

 

**Widowmaker:** STOP breaking walls down!!!

 

XXX

 

**Ana:** Hey, I found the holo 4ds.

 

**Hana:** OMG WHERE???

 

**Lena:** WHERE ARE THEY?

 

**Lúcio:** WHERE??? TELL US!!

 

**Ana:** They were in my hijab.

 

**Hana:** …

 

**Lena:** …

 

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Ana:** You’re welcome?

 

**Jesse:** hahahahahah ahahahah haaaaaaa

 

**Genji:** lololololol

 

**Sombra:** WHAT???

 

**Jack:** ...what?

 

**Ana:** I’m just as confused as you guys. I was wondering why my head felt heavier than usual…

 

**Jack:** HOW?

 

**Ana:** I wish I had the slightest clue…

 

**Angela:** Ah, so they are found. Well, you guys can have it back then.

 

**Sombra:** HOW THE HELL DID YOU SLIP THREE HOLO 4DS IN A HIJAB???

**Sombra:** HOW DID I NOT SEE IT??

 

**Angela:** I’m a doctor. I have done countless of surgerys that require a nimble and precise finger. It was easy to slip them in Ana’s hijab.

 

**Ana:** I’m not even mad. I’m proud.

**Ana:** She has some Amari blood in her.

 

**Fareeha:** What does slipping items in a hijab have anything to do with the Amari family?

 

**Ana:** Where else do I hide my special tea bags?

 

**Fareeha:** In your hijab?!

 

**Ana:** I rest my case.

 

**Angela:** Mama Amari approves. My day has been made.

 

**Ana:** :))

 

**Hana:** I’m honestly not even mad anymore. That’s fucking impressive.

 

**Lúcio:** It really is…

 

**Lena:** Wow…

 

**Jack:** Can you three clean up your mess??

 

**Hana:** NO

 

**Lena:** NO

 

**Lúcio:** NO

 

**Jack:** Well someone has to do it!

 

**Moira:** I’ll do it.

 

**Angela:** Really?

 

**Jack:** Are you serious?

 

**Moira:** Yeah. I like cleaning. It’s relaxing.

 

**Reaper:** I can nominate her. Despite all the weird stuff in her room, her room is pretty spotless.

 

**Jack:** Um

**Jack:** I guess if you actually want to do it then come by then.

 

**Moira:** Be there in 5 mins

 

**Angela:** Is this really happening?

 

**Genji:** ….I have no words for this.

 

**Satya:** Since when was Talon our cleaning service…?

 

**Widowmaker:** Since Overwatch became a zoo for depressed and anxious adults that lack in social skills.

 

**Lena:** That’s true, I can’t sleep well with my anxiety of falling into an endless void of timeless space that I can’t escape from.

 

**Lúcio:** Very accurate. Sometimes I stay up late to avoid falling into the eternal darkness that I sometimes feel like I can’t escape from.

 

**Angela:** The lost lives of the people I lost by own hands during medical treatments haunt me a lot.

 

**Jesse:** I get phantom pains with my missing arm.

 

**Genji:** I question my humanity and wonder if I will let the mechanical part of me take over my sanity.

 

**Fareeha:** I had to kill my own teammate and I lost teammates during my time at Helix.

 

**Hana:** Can you guys lighten up?   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ana actually keeps an emergency supply of food in her hijab that she snacks on during missions. Sometimes she shares candy with the other teammates. In this essay, I will explain why Ana is the best choice for survival.
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	16. Code names; Respect

**Satya:** Hey, the turrets are set up. Go on ahead.

**Satya:** It’s set up.

**Satya:** Go charge through the teleporter I left on.

**Satya:** Hurry, before it runs out of power.

**Satya:** Guys?

 

**Angela:** Hello?

**Angela:** Where are you guys? It’s just Pharah, Symmetra, and I on the point.

 

**Lena:** …

 

**Hana:** …

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Angela:** You’re joking…

**Angela:** Really? 

 

**Satya:** What?

**Satya:** Are you guys fighting?

 

**Angela:** Not exactly...but...kinda?

 

**Pharah:** I refuse to use those stupid codenames…

 

**Lena:** Oh come on….

**Lena:** We were told to try and bond more!

 

**Angela:** I don’t want to be addressed as “Doctor Swiss Cheese is in da the house”.

 

**Jesse:** It’s fucking hilarious. 

 

**Angela:** It’s really not…

 

**Hana:** You are no fun…

**Hana:** At least “Cowboy Beep Beep Bo Peep Boom Boom POW” is in on it.

 

**Jesse:** You are just no fun, Angela

 

**Fareeha:** Okay, those codenames are way too long to type out.

**Fareeha:** I am not typing out Jesse’s codename

 

**Hana:** Sounds like “Anubis is hot Daddy Material and I want him to grind me” is a downer…

 

**Fareeha:** For the 100th time, I said that when I was very drunk…

**Fareeha:** I’m not a furry...

 

**Hana:** Hey, no judgment at all. Those were your words, not ours.

 

**Fareeha:** Oh my god...

 

**Angela:** There’s literally no reason to make it a codename, Hana.

 

**Hana:** Excuse me. It’s “Minions is fucking great, ya’ll just mean af”

 

**Fareeha:** I’m not writing out that entire codename!

 

**Hana:** Sounds like someone isn’t going to get some tank support.

 

**Angela:** We were doing fine without you, thank you very much.

 

**Hana:** “Doctor Swiss Cheese is in da house” is being a little nasty right now…

**Hana:** What do you think, “Mi leggie is in mi jeggie”?

 

**Lena:** Angela always had a nasty streak to her.

 

**Fareeha:** Can you guys just contribute to the mission??

 

**Jesse:** Who are you addressing?

 

**Fareeha:** I’m not typing out all those codenames…

 

**Jesse:** Then you ain’t getting any help.

 

**Satya:** Why am I on this team?

 

**Mei:** You think it’s better on the other team?

**Mei:** Genji and Lúcio refuse to respond unless we call them by their codenames…

 

**Genji:** It’s not that hard to call me “Dragon Girth Is Sheathed”

 

**Hanzo:** WE REALLY DO NOT WANT TO CALL YOU THAT!

 

**Genji:** You guys are fucking cowards.

 

**Angela:** No, we are just fucking mature.

 

**Genji:** Debatable

 

**Lúcio:** You guys are no fun. It’s not that hard to call me “ Frogs absorb water through their skin so they don't need to drink. Frogs can lay as many as 4,000 eggs in frogspawn. The eyes and nose of a frog are on top of its head so it can breathe and see when most of its body is under the water. Frogs have long back legs and webbed feet for jumping and swimming. Also, Satya isn’t that cool.”

 

**Satya:** I’m not stooping to your level.

 

**Lúcio:** Alright, “Lúcio is the best and the most amazing man in the world. Wow, what a swell guy he is. He is just the shining beacon of hope.”

 

**Satya:** FINE. 

**Satya:** Whatever keeps you quiet.

 

**Angela:** No one wants to fucking type all of that...these are really long codenames...

 

**Jesse:** Just copy and paste it.

 

**Angela:** Do you think we have time to do that? I’m not wasting my time to put effort in copying and pasting a codename.

 

**Jesse:** Not with that attitude, “Doctor Swiss Cheese is in da house”

 

**Reaper:** Is this why we are beating you guys?

 

**Jack:** What the fuck are you guys doing?

 

**Hana:** We’re taking your suggestion, “Old Fartsy Tartsy Toot”

**Hana:** We made codenames for each other but SOME of us don’t want to participate in it.

 

**Fareeha:** SOME of us don’t want to be associated with furries.

 

**Hana:** AGAIN, no judgement.

 

**Jack:** Codenames don’t have to be so long…

 

**Lúcio:** Not with that attitude.

 

**Hana:** EEEYYYY

 

**Brigitte:** Do I have a codename?

 

**Hana:** It’s “Maiden Shield of the Neko Valley”

 

**Brigitte:** AWESOME

 

**Angela:** We’re not doing codenames…

 

**Lena:** You guys are no fun at all…

 

**Jack:** When I said to bond over making code names for each other, this isn’t really what I meant.

**Jack:** Instead, it looks like you guys are just fighting even more…

 

**Ana:** Why do we need codenames? Some of you guys have callsigns…

 

**Angela:** EXACTLY! JUST CALL ME MERCY!

 

**Jesse:** Some of us do not have call signs, okay? Let's not be insensitive.

 

**Fareeha:** Sounds like a personal problem.

 

**Hana:** SOME people aren’t fun at all…

 

**Widowmaker:** The purpose of a code name is to dissuade the person’s real identity, especially if they are a person of special interest.

**Widowmaker:** Since Talon and Overwatch is on this chat, it beats the purpose of making code names since we can see who is who.

 

**Hana:** Hey, this was oldfart76’s idea. Not ours.

 

**Widowmaker:** I figured…

 

**Jack:** You guys can’t do a simple thing and not make it into a huge deal.

 

**Lena:** Well Fareeha and Angela are party poopers.

 

**Jesse:** YEAH! No fun!

 

**Angela:** Cry me a river.

 

**Satya:** May I just leave this mission? No one is really fighting each other.

 

**Reaper:** I’m trying!

 

**Genji:** Why? We all know you and Jack are trying to run off to be romantic.

 

**Reaper:** We are not, fuck you. Talon actually has to win this fight.

 

**Moira:** Yeah, we actually got shit to do.

 

**Doomfist:** I can see you watching anime in the bushes…

 

**Moira:** Fuck…

 

**Widowmaker:** I feel like I do all the work around here….

 

**Ana:** Wow, your life must be sooooo hard….

 

**Widowmaker:** It really is.

 

**Ana:** That was sarcasm…

 

**Widowmaker:** Sarcasm isn’t helping Overwatch win.

 

**Hana:** Yeah, half of us just left to go grab lunch.

 

**Jesse:** Got to feed my belly.

 

**Hanzo:** So no one is even bothering with this mission?

 

**Lena:** Nope~

 

**Satya:** Angela and Fareeha flew off to who knows where so I’m alone on the point…

**Satya:** I’m going to leave.

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Ana:** Are we literally going to hand Talon the win today?

 

**Widowmaker:** Please do. I want to get home early.

 

**Moira:** Hey? I just realize something. Where has Sombra been? I haven’t seen her throughout the entire mission.

 

**Sombra:** Oh, I’ve been here all along. I just haven’t contributed to the chat.

 

**Reaper:** Where did you go?

 

**Sombra:** I never left the ship. I took a nap.

 

**Widowmaker:** Really?

 

**Sombra:** What? Can I not take naps?

**Sombra:** Even hackers need to sleep too.

 

**Hana:** Babe, we are getting pizza with the team. Wanna come?

 

**Sombra:** Fuck yeah, I’m starving.

 

**Reaper:** I don’t even fucking care. Talon got what they came for.

 

**Jack:** So you’re leaving?

 

**Reaper:** I got to, Jack. I got orders.

 

**Jack:** Yeah, sure. Understandable.

 

**Ana:** Just say you’ll miss each other you lovesick fucks.

 

**Sombra:** Reaper, you do know you don’t really need to act like you and Jack aren’t dating…? Everyone knows.

 

**Reaper:** WE AREN’T DATING! THAT IS JUST DISGUSTING!

 

**Jack:** I WAS JUST CONFIRMING THAT TALON WAS LEAVING THE AREA OKAY?

 

**Widowmaker:** Why are you two denying it?

 

**Doomfist:** Let them be. Only through conflict, do we evolve.

 

**Widowmaker:** Stop saying that…

 

**Doomfist:** ONLY THROUGH CONFLICT DO WE EVOLVE!

 

**Widowmaker:** STOP.

 

**Doomfist:** ONLY THROUGH CONFLICT DO WE EVOLVE!

 

**Widowmaker:** STOP IT!

 

**Doomfist:** ONLY THROUGH MOTHERFUCKING CONFLICT DO WE MOTHERFUCKING EVOLVE!

 

**Moira:** WIDOWMAKER WHY DID YOU SHOOT MY PHONE???????

 

**Widowmaker:** I had to release my anger.

 

**Moira:** SO YOU ONE SHOT MY FUCKING PHONE FROM UP THERE?

 

**Sombra:** I don’t know why you are complaining.

**Sombra:** You have like 5 phones.

 

**Moira:** IT WAS THE PHONE THAT HAD MY LOVE LIVE MOBILE APP AND IT CONTAINED ALL MY NOZOELI AND NICOMAKI CARDS!!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** I think I just did you a favor.

 

**Moira:** BUT WHY SHOOT MY PHONE? IT’S AKANDE THAT YOU ARE ANNOYED WITH!

 

**Widowmaker:** ?

**Widowmaker:** I’m confused. Are you asking why I didn’t take it out on Akande? Because that’s not appropriate at all. It’s quite rude.

 

**Doomfist:** Exactly. I wouldn’t just break Widowmaker’s weapon. That would be going to far.

**Doomfist:** After all, she and Reaper were the ones that tried to get my gauntlet back and that means a lot to me.

 

**Moira:** WHY ME?

 

**Doomfist:** Because it isn’t healthy for Widowmaker to contain any emotions within her or else she might have a breakdown. She has to let it out.

 

**Moira:** SHE CAN’T FEEL

 

**Widowmaker:** Wow, low blow.

 

**Sombra:** Why are you being so mean to Widowmaker? You know she’s sensitive about her emotion issues.

 

**Reaper:** Real low, Moira.

 

**Doomfist:** You should be more understanding of Widowmaker’s situation.

 

**Moira:** Fine. I’m sorry. I understand. I do have four other phones.

 

**Widowmaker:** Thank you. Apology accepted. I’ll try not to aim my anger on you, next time. I apologize.

 

**Moira:** That’s much appreciated.

 

**Jack:** See? Why can’t the rest of you guys be more respectful to each other like this?

 

**Hana:** Yeah cool whatever.

**Hana:** Do we have insurance?

 

**Jack:** ….depends on what we are covering…

 

**Hana:** Genji and Lúcio destroyed the pizza place we are at.

 

**Ana:** Was that what that explosion was about?

 

**Hana:** Yeah.

 

**Jack:** What happened…?

 

**Hana:** They were fighting over the last slice of pizza.

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Satya:** Fareeha is being arrested, by the way.

 

**Ana:** WHAT?

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Angela:** JACK THIS IS A FUCKING HATE CRIME. 

 

**Ana:** What happen?

 

**Angela:** SHE IS BEING ARRESTED FOR “DESTROYING PROPERTY DAMAGES”

**Angela:** I THINK THIS IS JUST A FUCKING HATE CRIME AGAINST MY BABY GIRL

 

**Ana:** ???

 

**Jesse:** Fareeha used her rocket launcher to destroy a man’s car…

 

**Angela:** THAT MAN WAS CAT CALLING ME!

 

**Jesse:** She destroyed an entire street…

 

**Angela:** I SEE YOU MUGGING THOSE BROKEN CARS, JESSE

 

**Jesse:** YOU DON’T SEE ME BITCH!

 

**Ana:** At least Fareeha is a honorable lady that would defend her lady love.

 

**Angela:** I know right? You really did have some good influence on her, Ana.

 

**Ana:** That means a lot, Angela~

 

**Angela:** Are we still on for a double date with you and Reinhardt tomorrow?

 

**Ana:** Of course~

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Angela:** Jack, can I take money out of the Overwatch account to pay for Fareeha’s bail?

 

**Jack:** Do whatever you want. I really don’t fucking care anymore.

 

**Angela:** Alright cool.

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** Why is Overwatch so chaotic? Everyday is getting worse and worse.

 

**Reaper:** I’m sorry, Jack. I can’t imagine how it must feel. I wish I could go over there and set them straight.

 

**Jack:** Please do. They need it.

 

**Reaper:** I’ll think of a plan, Jack. Anything for you.

 

**Jack:** You’re too good to me, Gabe. You really are.

 

**Reaper:** No, you are too good for me. You forgave me when I was at my lowest and that means the world to me.

 

**Jack:** Gabe…

**Jack:** You’re making me smile so much right now.

 

**Reaper:** I only want to make you smile.

 

**Hana:** AWWWW

 

**Jesse:** THIS IS SO GAY! I LOVE IT!

 

**Lena:** AAAAHHHH SO CUTE.

 

**Angela:** This is so adorable~

 

**Genji:** We stan two loving grandpas

 

**Widowmaker:** This made my heart twitch.

 

**Moira:** Aw, that’s cute.

 

**Doomfist:** I told you guys, they evolved.

 

**Ana:** I love you two so much~ You two are such a cute couple.

 

**Jack:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS GET IN OUR PRIVATE MESSAGE!!!????

 

**Reaper:** SOMBRA STOP HACKING OUR PHONES!

 

**Sombra:** You guys are texting in the group chat so….

**Sombra:** Not my fault at all.

**Sombra:** But you two are so cute.

 

**Jack:** LIES

 

**Reaper:** LIES

 

**Hana:** Aw, they text the same thing at the same time.

 

**Genji:** Too cute~

 

**Jack:** WE AREN’T IN LOVE

 

**Reaper:** FUCK JACK

 

**Jack:** FUCK REAPER

**Jack:** FUCK TALON

 

**Reaper:** FUCK OVERWATCH

 

**Doomfist:** That’s nice, children. Reaper, dinner is ready.

 

**Ana:** Fareeha finished making dinner, Jack. Come eat.

 

**Jack:** Okay…

 

**Reaper:** Fine...

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What has Talon and Overwatch become? For better or worse? ;))
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	17. Who Is Pregnant?

**Junkrat:** Hey!

 **Junkrat:** Why would you guys throw away a perfectly good thermometer?

**Junkrat: *texts photo***

 

 **Hana:** …

 **Hana:** Hey, Junkrat…

 **Hana:** That’s not a thermometer.

 

 **Lena:** What the actual bloody hell?

 

 **Junkrat:** It is a thermometer!

 **Junkrat:** It works like one.

 **Junkrat:** If it’s red, then it means you’re hot. Right?

 

 **Jesse:** Jesus fucking christ…

 **Jesse:** Alright, who is going to tell him?

 

 **Lena:** Not me.

 

 **Hana:** …

 **Hana:** I don’t want to do it…

 

 **Lúcio:** Oh my god

 **Lúcio:** LMFAO

 

 **Ana:** …

 **Ana:** I’m out. Bye.

 

 **Jack:** Junkrat, did you put that in your mouth?

 

 **Junkrat:** Isn’t that where a thermometer is supposed to be placed?

 

 **Hanzo:** …

 **Hanzo:** Yeah, you’re not wrong there.

 

 **Jesse:** If no one wants to tell him, can I tell him?

 

 **Fareeha:** …

 **Fareeha:** I volunteer @Angela since she’s the doctor.

 

 **Angela:** What’s up?

 **Angela:** …

 **Angela:** Oh my fucking god

 

 **Junkrat:** What?

 

 **Angela:** Jamison, that’s not a thermometer.

 **Angela:** That’s a pregnancy test.

 

 **Junkrat:** Oh?

 **Junkrat:** My bad then.

 

 **Angela:** Jamison. Do you know how pregnancy tests work?

 

 **Junkrat:** You spit on it, right?

 

 **Fareeha:** Oh my god…

 

 **Jesse:** Okay let me have this one!

 

 **Angela:** Be my guest, Jesse.

 

 **Jesse:** Junkrat. Girls pee on those.

 

 **Junkrat:** WHAT?

 

 **Jesse:** Girls pee on pregnancy tests to see if they are pregnant.

 

 **Junkrat:** OH MY FUCKING CRIKEY

 

 **Hana:** It’s not even 10 am and this is how we start off the day.

 

 **Lena:** I’m so done.

 **Lena:** This just takes the cake.

 

 **Lúcio:** LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO

 

 **Junkrat:** Well, this is the closest I have ever been with a girl anyways so I’ll take it.

 

 **Fareeha:** …

 **Fareeha:** I am never going to look at you the same.

 

 **Angela:** Jamison...we really did not need to know that.

 

 **Hana:** I feel like I’m going to vomit.

 

 **Lena:** Same.

 

 **Satya:** …

 **Satya:** @Jack Why has my request for Junkrat to get his own room haven’t been approved yet?

 

 **Jack:** It’s in the works.

 

 **Hana:** Oh? You’re fine with Roadhog?

 

 **Satya:** Mako actually cleans up after himself so I tolerate him a bit more than Jamison.

 

 **Junkrat:** Syya, you love me, don’t yah?

 

 **Satya:** No.

 

 **Lúcio:** Cruel woman.

 

 **Satya:** Annoying little street urchin.

 

 **Hana:** Ooooo shit, she fighting back

 

 **Lúcio:** hypocritical little dipshit

 

 **Satya:** Frogs are the most disgusting creatures in the world.

 

 **Lúcio:** FUCKING FIGHT ME YOU LITTLE SHIT FIGHT ME!

 

 **Angela:** STOP IT OR ELSE I WILL SEND FAREEHA AFTER YOU TWO.

 

 **Fareeha:** You want to fight? I’m ready to fight.

 

 **Lúcio:** Okay. I’m sorry.

 

 **Satya:** I’ll behave.

 

 **Sombra:** Is no one going to comment that the pregnancy test is positive?

 

 **Jack:** …

 **Jack:** Do any of you ladies need to confess something?

 

 **Angela:** Jack, you can’t call them out on the chat. That’s extremely rude and an invasion of privacy.

 

 **Jesse:** I’m placing bets that it’s Angela’s.

 

 **Angela:** Jesse…

 **Angela:** How the fuck can I be pregnant?

 

 **Fareeha:** There is no way that I can get Angela pregnant.

 

 **Jesse:** Four words.

 **Jesse:** Fareeha has a penis.

 

 **Fareeha:** I don't have one. I wasn't born with one.

 

 **Jesse:** You sure about that?

 

 **Fareeha:** I am...

 

 **Ana:** I have some of her baby pictures to prove it.

 

 **Fareeha:** PLEASE DON’T

 

**Ana: *texts photo***

**Ana: *texts photo***

**Ana: *texts photo***

**Ana: *texts photo***

 

 **Fareeha:** MOM!

 

 **Ana:** Sorry, I didn’t see your text until now. My bad.

 

 **Hana:** AWWW FAREEHA HAD SUCH A PUDGY BELLY!!!

 

 **Lena:** CUUUTTTTEEEE

 

 **Angela:** KESFKHSKKHSDKLG SO FUCKING ADORABLE OMG WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST MIXED BABIES FAWEEEHA

 **Angela:** I mean

 **Angela:** Ana, please stop.

 

 **Ana:** Hey, I’m just trying to help.

 

 **Jesse:** So if Angela isn’t pregnant then Fareeha?

 

 **Fareeha:** I will actually murder you, Jesse.

 

 **Jesse:** I’m just trying to help figure out who is pregnant.

 

 **Angela:** If the lady doesn’t want it to be known, then we need to respect that.

 

 **Hana:** I bet it’s Mei.

 

 **Angela:** Oh my god…

 

 **Lena:** @Mei

 

 **Mei:** Yes?

 

 **Hana:** Are you pregnant?

 

 **Mei:** What?

 

 **Angela:** Mei, please just ignore the chat.

 

 **Lúcio:** Tell us the truth, Mei.

 

 **Mei:** About what?

 

 **Hana:** Are you preggers?

 

 **Mei:** I’m not.

 **Mei:** I’m with Zarya.

 

 **Lena:** @Zarya Are yah preggers?

 

 **Zarya:** No.

 **Zarya:** Do not bother Mei or me again.

 **Zarya:** If you do, I will shove you into the wood chipper and feed you to Reinhardt’s garden.

 

**Lena: …**

 

**Hana: …**

 

**Lúcio: …**

 

 **Angela:** Have you learn your lesson? Let’s drop this.

 

 **Hana:** @Satya?

 

 **Satya:** No, I am not pregnant.

 

 **Angela:** Stop…

 

 **Hana:** @Ana?

 

 **Ana:** One child was enough.

 

 **Fareeha:** Thanks…

 

 **Angela:** Hana, stop asking. It’s none of your business on who is pregnant.

 

 **Hana:** @Yuna?

 

 **Angela:** SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIVE HERE

 

 **Yuna:** What’s up?

 **Yuna:** Yeah, I’m pregnant with @Jae-Eun’s baby.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Huh?

 **Jae-Eun:** WTF YUNA YOU PREGNANT????

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Congrats!

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** What are you going to name your baby?

 

 **Jae-Eun:** ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS YUNA? WE NEVER HAD SEX!

 

 **Yuna:** I know. I lied.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Oh thank fuck.

 **Jae-Eun:** I was totally going to leave the team and disappear.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Wow. Cheap little fuck.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Nice to know what kind of person you really are.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Okay, guys. I wasn’t serious. I wouldn’t leave a woman if I got her pregnant.

 

 **Yuna:** You are a horrible person.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** You are.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** We hate you.

 

 **Fareeha:** Jesus…

 

 **Angela:** Look at what you did, Hana. You caused a rift on your old team.

 

 **Hana:** Rift?

 **Hana:** Nah, they are just bonding.

 

 **Jesse:** You guys have a weird way of bonding.

 

 **Hana:** You’re not wrong.

 

 **Lena:** @Brigitte @Moira @Widowmaker You guys pregnant?

 

 **Angela:** ONE IS GAY, ONE IS AT TALON, AND ONE IS TOO FUCKING OLD.

 

 **Widowmaker:** No. I’m not pregnant.

 

 **Brigitte:** LOL This was random but I’m not pregnant.

 

 **Moira:** Why do I have a feeling that I’m the old one?

 

 **Angela:** Wow, you’re so fucking smart you old hag.

 

 **Moira:**...

 **Moira:** I can’t believe I actually thought you were wifey material.

 

 **Angela:** Wifey material? Why would you think that?

 

 **Moira:** Do you really not know?

 

 **Sombra:** @Widowmaker I got the popcorn.

 

 **Widowmaker:** I’ll bring the baguettes.

 

 **Doomfist:** I’ll bring the punch.

 

 **Reaper:** I’ll bring the chips.

 

 **Sombra:** Meet up in my room.

 

 **Moira:**????

 **Moira:** Are you guys serious?

 

 **Sombra:** Yeah, now please continue.

 

 **Moira:** With what?

 

 **Sombra:** Start from, “Angela, do you really not know?”

 

 **Angela:** Know what?

 

 **Moira:** Nothing.

 

 **Angela:** What’s the deal with the wifey material?

 

 **Jesse:** I got it. Moira is pregnant and Angela is the father.

 

 **Angela:** I will shove a baby in you, Jesse, and you can be pregnant.

 

 **Jesse:** That’s morbid.

 

 **Angela:** Then shut up.

 **Angela:** If anyone is going to knock up Moira, they must be blind as fuck.

 

 **Moira:** If anyone knocks you up, they must be really scraping from the bottom of the barrel.

 

 **Fareeha:** Hey, fuckface.

 **Fareeha:** At least Angela’s barrel gets scraped, unlike yours.

 

 **Moira:** I will fucking shove a fist up your ass so you can see how full of shit you are.

 

 **Angela:** Why do you want to fist my girlfriend?

 **Angela:** I know you seem to like her but she’s taken. Please back off on my girl.

 

 **Moira:** Oh my god…

 

 **Sombra:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAH GOD I LOVE THIS!

 

 **Doomfist:** #whenAngelastillthinksyoulikeFareeha

 

 **Moira:** Fuck off.

 

 **Angela:** Isn’t that the case?

 

 **Widowmaker:** It isn’t but we will let you figure it out.

 

**Angela: ?**

 

 **Hana:** I’m literally crying omg.

 

 **Fareeha:** How did this conversation even happen? I have no idea what is going on, aside from the fact that Moira still likes me.

 

 **Moira:** I DON’T

 

 **Fareeha:** Then why do you want to shove a fist up my ass?

 

 **Moira:** IT IS JUST A FUCKING EXPRESSION OF ANGER

 

 **Fareeha:** I think you are just into some hardcore shit.

 

 **Moira:** Oh my god.

 

 **Angela:** Please back off my girlfriend.

 

 **Moira:** I can not believe you are so dumb.

 

 **Angela:** Fuck you.

 

 **Moira:** How are you this dense?

 

 **Angela:** Dense about what?

 

 **Moira:** Nevermind.

 

 **Fareeha:** Good. Let’s move on.

 

 **Sombra:** Aww, it’s over?

 

 **Angela:** YES!

 

 **Hana:** So who is preggers?

 

 **Angela:** CAN WE STOP TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT?

 

 **Hana:** I just want to know who is pregnant.

 

 **Fareeha:** It’s probably just a fake test to fuck with everyone.

 

 **Junkrat:** I don’t know. It tasted real to me.

 

 **Angela:** Please stop talking.

 

 **Lena:** Last guess.

 **Lena:** It’s Sombra

 

 **Fareeha:** Are you guys really this fucking stupid?

 

 **Sombra:** I’m pregnant with a food baby.

 

 **Widowmaker:** You didn’t have to eat all my baguettes

 

 **Reaper:** You rarely share your baguettes. We had to take advantage of it.

 

 **Hana:** So no one is pregnant?

 

 **Angela:** NO   


**Hana:** Okay, okay. I’ll drop it.

 

 **Genji:** Hey guys, I just got on. What’s going on? The chat really blew up.

 **Genji:** Oh…

 **Genji:** I guess I should clear it up.

 **Genji:** The pregnancy test is mine.

 

 **Hanzo:** NANI??

 

 **Jesse:** WTF WTF WTF WTF?

 

 **Angela:** HOW? WHAT THE FUCK? YOU’RE PREGNANT!?

 

 **Hana:** WHAT THE FUCK BITCH!? BITCH?! WHAT?!

 

 **Lúcio:** KASDJFLSHGKSDHKLGHDKLGHSLKJDGHKLDFHGKLSDHFLKG

 

 **Lena:** MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!!!

 

 **Fareeha:** WHO THE FUCK WOULD FUCK YOU?!

 

 **Genji:** Okay, first of all. Rude.

 **Genji:** Second, I used it for this stray cat I found and brought back to the base. I wanted to see if it was pregnant.

 

 **Angela:** …

 **Angela:** Next time, can you fucking just say you are using a pregnancy test so you don’t give everyone a huge scare?

 

 **Genji:** Yeah sure, no prob.

 

 **Junkrat:** SO I HAD CAT PISS IN MY MOUTH?

 

 **Satya:** You did.

 

 **Junkrat:** AW GROSS!

 

 **Satya:** Please tell me that gagging noise didn’t come from you….

 

 **Junkrat:** I’ll clean up your bedsheets.

 

 **Satya:** Why are you on my bed?

 

 **Junkrat:** Why would I throw up on my bed?

 

 **Satya:** …

 **Satya:** I guess that’s a somewhat valid point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe this all happen before 10 am?
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	18. Octoverwatch; Fareeha the Headless Rocket Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/PlayOverwatch/status/1048603790411276288?s=19
> 
> If you have not seen Fareeha's new Halloween skin, check it out before reading so you understand what this chapter was inspired by.

**Hana:** OMFG OMFG

**Hana:** WE ARE BEING HAUNTED!!!!!

**Hana:** GUYS WE ARE BEING HAUNTED!!!

 

**Jesse:** HANA IT IS FUCKING 3 IN THE MORNING

**Jesse:** THIS BETTER BE A FUCKING EMERGENCY!!!

 

**Angela:** Why has the emergency text system hasn’t been disabled yet?

 

**Jack:** Why is Hana screaming in the middle of the night?

 

**Lúcio:** Why at 3 in the morning?

 

**Lena:** Why do we suffer?

 

**Ana:** So no one is going to comment on Hana screaming about something haunted?

 

**Genji:** Haunted?

 

**Hana:** FUCKING HAUNTED BITCHES FUCKING HAUNTED

**Hana:** FAREEHA HAS NO FUCKING HEAD

 

**Angela:** What?

 

**Jesse:** Excuse me?

 

**Ana:** …

 

**Genji:** Huh?

 

**Jack:** Hana, I think you might be really tired.

 

**Angela:** Hana, that’s impossible. Fareeha is right next to me in bed.

**Angela:** GUYS FAREEHA IS NOT IN BED

**Angela:** HANA THIS BETTER BE SOME FUCKING JOKE!

 

**Jesse:** I’m sorry. Can you repeat your text? Fareeha has no head?

 

**Hana:** FAREEHA

**Hana:** FUCKING

**Hana:** AMARI

**Hana:** HAS

**Hana:** NO

**Hana:** FUCKING

**Hana:** HEAD!

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** Cool.

 

**Angela:** NOT COOL

**Angela:** I’m coming up and seeing this for myself. This can’t be possible…

 

**Lena:** Yay! Momma Mercy to the rescue.

 

**Lúcio:** Thank you Momma Mercy!

 

**Jesse:** The hero we need.

 

**Genji:** The one who will protect us.

 

**Angela:** Fucking cowards.

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** I WILL BRUTALLY MURDER THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!

 

**Jesse:** @Moira

 

**Genji:** @Moira

 

**Ana:** @Moira

 

**Lena:** @Moira

 

**Jack:** @Moira

 

**Moira:** It’s like 3 in the morning…

 

**Angela:** YOU CUT OFF MY GIRLFRIEND’S HEAD?!!!!

 

**Moira:** What…?

 

**Angela:** WHAT HAPPEN TO MY GIRLFRIEND’S HEAD? WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?

 

**Moira:** I’m sorry. What? Am I reading this right?

**Moira:** Give me a second. Let me go through the chat.

**Moira:** Alright, I’m still confused. Fareeha has no head?

 

**Angela:** SO YOU DO KNOW?!

 

**Moira:** No, I don’t.

**Moira:** Why did you guys tag me?

 

**Jesse:** You are the expert on genetics.

 

**Ana:** You’re the most likely candidate to pull this off.

 

**Genji:** Plus you like Fareeha so maybe, in some sick way, this was your way of obtaining her.

 

**Moira:** …

**Moira:** First of all, I do NOT have any romantic feelings towards Fareeha.

**Moira:** Second, I don’t cut off heads for fun...

**Moira:** Third, are you guys drunk or something?

 

**Hana:** I WISH I WAS DRUNK!

**Hana:** BUT NO I JUST SAW FAREEHA WALKING AROUND THE ARMORY WITHOUT A FUCKING HEAD

 

**Jesse:** Okay, now I have to get up and see this for myself.

 

**Genji:** Me too.

 

**Ana:** Fuck it. I need to see this too.

 

**Hana:** I WARN YAH IT’S FUCKING SCARY

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** @EVERYONE

**Jesse:** TEAM MEETING

**Jesse:** WE NEED AN EXORCIST 

**Jesse:** MEET UP IN THE KITCHEN!

 

**Angela:** Hell no, you are not exorcizing my girlfriend. I would prefer if she comes back in one piece.

 

**Genji:** WHAT ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DO?

 

**Brigitte:** What is all the racket?

 

**Zarya:** WHAT THE FUCK JUST WALKED INTO THE TRAINING ROOM?

**Zarya:** WHY DOES FAREEHA HAVE NO HEAD?

**Zarya:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!???

 

**Hana:** …

**Hana:**  Were you in the training room this whole time?

 

**Zarya:** DOES THAT REALLY FUCKING MATTER?

**Zarya:** WHAT THE FUCK IS FAREEHA DOING IN THERE WITHOUT A HEAD?!

 

**Jesse:** Are you...scared?

 

**Zarya:** STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND GIVE ME ANSWERS.

 

**Mei:** Zarya, come back to our room. You’ll be safe here.

 

**Zarya:** I CAN’T! THE THING IS STILL IN THE ROOM!!!

 

**Jack:** Are you actually scared? You of all people?

 

**Zarya:** WHY IS THAT AN ISSUE?! COME HERE AND GET RID OF THAT THING BEFORE I TEAR IT APART!

 

**Angela:** WE ARE NOT TEARING FAREEHA APART!!!

 

**Zarya:** FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!

 

**Jesse:** ALRIGHT! WE WILL ALL CHARGE AT THE SAME TIME!!!

 

**Hana:** GO NOW !!!

 

**Genji:** NOW NOW???

 

**Lena:** NOOOOOWWWWW

 

**Ana:** YOU ARE ALL POWERED UP! GET IN THERE!!!

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** Bruh. What is going on over there?

 

**Moira:** I have no fucking clue…

 

**Widowmaker:** Don’t they know people need to sleep?

 

**Reaper:** Why are we still in this chat?

 

**Satya:** I wonder too…

 

**Sombra:** Want to give us a run down?

 

**Satya:** Fareeha has no head apparently.

**Satya:** Zarya is scared of the supernatural.

**Satya:** Most of us were, somehow, able to sleep through it.

**Satya:** The rest of them tried to take down headless Fareeha.

**Satya:** Then something happens. I don’t know what. It got really quiet.

 

**Widowmaker:** Huh.

**Widowmaker:** I’m going back to sleep.

 

**Reaper:** Me too.

 

**Moira:** Me three.

 

**Doomfist:** Me four.

 

**Sombra:** WTF WHY DOES FAREEHA HAVE NO HEAD?!!!

 

**Moira:** Oh my god can we just NOT get Talon involved!

 

**Sombra:** Bitch look at this shit! This is crazy ass shit!

**Sombra: *texts photo***

 

**Doomfist:** Moira can shoot yellow and purple balls. Reaper can materialize into black smoke and Widowmaker is purple. This isn’t that crazy.

 

**Widowmaker:** Wait.

**Widowmaker:** I don’t think Fareeha’s body is in that armor?

 

**Sombra:** So who is moving the armor?

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Reaper:** …

 

**Doomfist:** ….

 

**Widowmaker:** …

**Widowmaker:** This really isn’t OUR problem…

 

**Moira:** Excellent point, Widowmaker.

 

**Reaper:** I agree. Since we aren’t there, we shouldn’t have to worry about it.

 

**Doomfist:** So let's go back to sleep.

 

**Satya:** Can I come over? I need to sleep and I have a feeling that I won’t get any tonight.

 

**Reaper:** Sure. You can sleep in our spare room.

 

**Doomfist:** We have extra blankets.

 

**Sombra:** You can borrow my room because I am coming over there to see this myself!

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh no. Don’t go...Please. Can’t lose another Talon member. 

 

**Sombra:** Why do I sense sarcasm from you?

 

**Widowmaker:** Totally not being sarcastic.

 

**Moira:** You are, though….

 

**Widowmaker:** Nevermind…

 

**Satya:** On my way.

 

**Doomfist:** I’ll unlock the door for you.

 

**Sombra:** I’m leaving!

 

**Reaper:** Bye. Have fun.

 

**Moira:** Sombra come back.

 

**Sombra:** What?

 

**Moira:** Wear an extra layer. It’s cold out.

 

**Sombra:** No, Auntie Moira. I don’t need it.

 

**Moira:** It’s really cold out there.

 

**Sombra:** I’m not cold.

 

**Moira:** Come back.

 

**Sombra:** No.

 

**Moira:** Bitch, I’ll chase you down so make it easier and come wear an extra layer.

 

**Sombra:** I’m only coming back because I don’t want to see you Naruto run after me.

 

**Moira:** It’s not Naruto running, that’s just how I run…

 

**Widowmaker:** And I just decided to turn purple, that’s just how I am.

 

**Moira:** I don’t appreciate your sarcasm…

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** Alright. Let me just say this…

**Jack:** We need to stop attacking at the same time.

**Jack:** We need to stop splitting up right after we attack.

**Jack:** And we need to just calm down.

 

**Ana:** I grouped up with Hana, Lúcio, and Genji on the west side of the base.

 

**Jesse:** I’m with Jack, Angela, and Lena on the east.

 

**Angela:** No idea what happen to Zarya and Mei.

 

**Mei:** We are safe in our room.

 

**Genji:** We need to group up immediately.

 

**Hana:** LIKE NOW

 

**Lúcio:** NOW NOW!!

 

**Jack:** Alright, meet in the medical bay.

 

**Ana:** Please hurry.

 

**Hana:** Go as fast as you can.

 

**Angela:** Okay?

 

**Genji:** GO GO GO

 

**Jesse:** We are going as fast as we can.

 

**Lúcio:** FASTER

 

**Jack:** Telling us to go faster won’t help.

 

**Hana:** I don’t want to fucking die, okay?

 

**Genji:** I want to live.

 

**Angela:** Us too.

 

**Lúcio:** Yeah but white people always get to live.

 

**Lena:** What?

 

**Ana:** White people always get in live in these horror scenarios.

 

**Hana:** I’ll feel better of my chances of living when we are with you guys.

 

**Lena:** You guys can’t seriously believe those horror movie stereotypes…

 

**Lúcio:** Do we really want to risk that right now?

 

**Angela:** Alright, look. Fareeha is my girlfriend. Let me approach her again and maybe I can figure out what is going.

 

**Hana:** UM? DID YOU FORGET THAT WALKING ARMOR ALMOST KILLED US?

 

**Jesse:** Angela would be that dumb one who gets herself killed in the horror movies by just walking right up to the killer.

 

**Angela:** At least I didn’t bail and left everyone for themselves like a coward.

 

**Jesse:** I wanted to make sure Hanzo would be safe.

 

**Angela:** He’s not even here with us!

 

**Jesse:** I can still go check up on him.

 

**Angela:** You are just a coward.

 

**Jesse:** If you want to go get yourself killed, be my fucking guest.

 

**Angela:** FINE

 

**Jesse:** FINE

 

**Ana:** DO YOU GUYS REALLY HAVE TO FIGHT RIGHT NOW?

 

**Genji:** Real question, how is everyone else still asleep through all of this?

 

**Brigitte:** Oh, some of us are awake. We’re not dumb enough to walk out of our rooms and right into danger.

**Brigitte:** @Hana, come to my room where you are safer with me.

 

**Hana:** ALRIGHT YEET BITCHES!

 

**Lúcio:** TAKE ME WITH YOU

 

**Jack:** Brigitte’s right...maybe we should just leave this alone for morning. Fareeha doesn’t seem to attack unless we provoke it.

 

**Angela:** Yeah, I’m not going back to sleep while my girlfriend is a walking possessed piece of armor without a head.

 

**Jesse:** You may sound stoic and brave right now but you’ll look really dumb when you are attacked again.

 

**Angela:** Fuck you, I’m out to go save my woman. Go defend yourself.

 

**Genji:** ANGELA 

**Genji:** WE JUST ESTABLISHED TO NOT SPLIT UP!

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** ...Why?

 

**Sombra:** YO I JUST GOT HERE WHAT’S THE UPDATE?

 

**Lúcio:** Run. Just run away.

 

**Sombra:** I just got here…

**Sombra:** I found this helmet along the way too.

 

**Ana:** And that helps us how?

 

**Sombra:** It looks pretty cool.

 

**Hana:** babe, just come to Brigitte’s room where you are safer.

 

**Sombra:** Aw man, I want to be where the action is.

 

**Brigitte:** Just come here before someone actually dies.

 

**Jesse:** Prolly Angela.

 

**Angela:** FUCK YOU, JESSE

 

**Ana:** Where did you go?!

 

**Angela:** Trying to find my girlfriend and see what I can figure out from it!

 

**Lena:** That really does sound like every ‘dumb’ person in horror films.

 

**Angela:** It’s called love and loyalty. Something y’all lack right now.

 

**Jesse:** We’re just NOT stupid.

 

**Sombra:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT FAREEHA IS COMING AFTER ME!!!!

 

**Genji:** I CAN HEAR IT RUNNING!!!

 

**Jack:** FUCK IT JUST RAN PAST ME

 

**Sombra:** WHEN I WANTED TO BE PART OF THE ACTION, THIS WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!!

 

**Angela:** STOP HER

 

**Sombra:** BITCH I AM NOT GOING TO STOP!!!! ILL DIE!!!!

 

**Ana:** Where are you!?

 

**Sombra:** IDK 

**Sombra:** I CAN’T HACK HER

**Sombra:** @TALON IMMA DIE HELP.

 

**Reaper:** @Moira

 

**Widowmaker:** @Moira

 

**Doomfist:** @Moira

 

**Moira:** Really?

**Moira:** Fine, I’ll get dressed and save her…

 

**Brigitte:** OH MY GOD

**Brigitte:** Don’t bother. I’ll take care of it.

**Brigitte:** Give me ten minutes.

 

XXX

 

**Reaper:** Okay, I need to know. What happen? The chat got quiet?

 

**Sombra:** So you know the helmet I found? Apparently, it belongs to headless Fareeha and it wanted it back. Once it got it back, it turned back into armor. I have no idea how Brigitte figured that out.

 

**Brigitte:** It was headless. You had a head. I figured it wanted a head. It’s not rocket science…

**Brigitte:** Anyways, the spirit seems pleased so that’s what matters.

 

**Jesse:** God bless Brigitte

 

**Genji:** Our new lord and savior.

 

**Ana:** Glad someone on this base has common sense.

 

**Angela:** Excuse me.

**Angela:** While we may be safe, I don’t have Fareeha in my arms. Where is she?

 

**Jack:** I hate to assume the worst but...rip Fareeha.

 

**Jesse:** rip fareeha

 

**Genji:** rip fareeha

 

**Lena:** rip fareeha

 

**Ana:** rip fareeha, my only daughter

 

**Brigitte:** R.I.P Fareeha

 

**Hanzo:** R.I.P Fareeha

 

**Hana:** F

 

**Lúcio:** r.i.p fareeha

 

**Zarya:** r.i.p Fareeha

 

**Mei:** R.i.p fareeha

 

**Moira:** rip fareeha

 

**Doomfist:** r.i.p fareeha

 

**Widowmaker:** r.i.p Fareeha

 

**Reinhardt:** RIP FAREEHA

 

**Torbjörn:** RIP FAREEHA

 

**Zenyatta:** R.I.P Fareeha Amari

 

**Bastion:** :(

 

**Reaper:** R.I.P Fareeha

 

**Jae-Eun:** F

 

**Seung-Hwa:** F

 

**Yuna:** F

 

**Kyung-Soo:** F

 

**Roadhog:** RIP

 

**Junkrat:** rip

 

**Satya:** Rest in peace, Fareeha.

 

**Angela:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

**Fareeha:** Yo, what’s up? Sorry, I forgot my phone from IHOP and didn’t realize until halfway back to the base so I went back to grab it.

**Fareeha:** So..? I’m not dead…

**Fareeha:** What happened?

 

**Angela:** WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, BABY?!

 

**Jesse:** Holy shit…

**Jesse:** Are you really alive?

 

**Fareeha:** I was craving pancakes so I left to go get them at the closest IHOPS.

 

**Ana:** WHO THE FUCK LEAVES AT 3 AM IN THE MORNING TO GET PANCAKES?!

 

**Fareeha:** Me.

**Fareeha:** Jesse was the one who got me hooked.

 

**Jesse:** Guilty as charged.

 

**Hana:** DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE? WE THOUGHT YOU LOST YOUR HEAD!!!

 

**Fareeha:** No, my head is intact…

**Fareeha:** Look, I brought home a lot of pancakes so maybe you guys can tell me when I get back? I’m about 10 mins away.

 

**Brigitte:** Oh my god, I want pancakes.

**Brigitte:** Please.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, I got enough for the whole base.

 

**Jesse:** Sweet

 

**Genji:** Fuck yeah

 

**Ana:** Alright, lets eat pancakes.

 

**Angela:** I missed you so so much baby, please come back asap~

 

**Fareeha:** I missed you too~~~I’ll be there real soon!!

 

**Satya:** I’m coming back for pancakes.

 

**Jack:** Where did you go?

 

**Satya:** Talon. I wanted to sleep.

 

**Lúcio:** Want me to come pick you up?

 

**Lena:** What

 

**Genji:** The 

 

**Jesse:** Fuck?

 

**Lúcio:** I thought someone was going to die and I’m already traumatized. Let me be nice to Satya for once.

 

**Satya:** Fine. I’ll accept your offer.

 

**Jack:** Well this night ended on a good note.

 

**Angela:** Let’s go meet Fareeha by the open area. I can hear the orca coming.

 

**Moira:** So you guys are going to ignore the fact that there was an actual real ghost haunting/ possession on your base that supports the notion of the supernatural existing in our universe?

 

**Reaper:** I turn into a black cloud that defy the logic of death. Why does that not concern you?

 

**Widowmaker:** Are you coming or not? Lúcio is already on his way here. 

 

**Doomfist:** You want pancakes or not?

 

**Moira:** I do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I start doing more Halloween chapters since Blizzard revealed more Halloween skins for some characters?
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	19. Octoverwatch; Doomfish, Banshee Moira, Pumpkin Hamster Oh My!

**Doomfist:** MOIRA I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU COME OUT OF HIDING WHEREVER YOU ARE!

**Doomfist:** @MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA@MOIRA

 

**Moira:** Hi…

 

**Doomfist:** WHERE ARE YOU HIDING YOU SICK LITTLE FUCK

 

**Moira:** Can you just let me just explain?

 

**Doomfist:** EXPLAIN WHAT? EXPLAIN WHAT MOIRA!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME!

 

**Moira:** It’s not that bad. It’s really cool looking…

 

**Doomfist:** I AM A FUCKING FISH MOIRA! YOU FUCKED IT UP SO BAD!

 

**Moira:** Okay, to be fair, it was my first time injecting people with fish dna

 

**Doomfist:** I NEVER FUCKING ASKED TO LOOK LIKE A FISH. I SAID I WANTED TO BE A MERMAN THIS YEAR FOR HALLOWEEN

**Doomfist:** WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AN ABOMINATION!?

 

**Moira:** Look, I accidently put too much fish dna in you. I’m sorry. I can fix it…

 

**Doomfist:** YOU ARE NOT COMING NEAR ME UNLESS YOU WANT MY FIST IN YOUR SKULL!!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Wait.

**Widowmaker:** That was you, Akande?

 

**Sombra:** Oh my fuck…

**Sombra:** Moira, what the fuck did you do?

 

**Moira:** He wanted to be a merman and I offered to help him.

 

**Reaper:** Why?

 

**Doomfist:** I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HELP MAKE A FUCKING COSTUME NOT INJECT ME WITH FISH DNA!!!

**Doomfist:** AFTERALL YOU COSPLAY ALL THE TIME SO I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE ADVICE!

 

**Moira:** Oh…

**Moira:** Okay, I see where I went wrong…

 

**Doomfist:** HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO TURN BACK!?

 

**Moira:** If you would just calm down and come back to the lab, I think I can revert you back.

 

**Doomfist:** YOU THINK?

 

**Moira:** I can try. 

 

**Doomfist:** @ANGELA @ANGELA @ANGELA

**Doomfist:** CAN I PLEASE ASK YOU TO HELP ME?

**Doomfist:** I DON’T TRUST MOIRA

 

**Moira:** Look, give me a second chance. I can fix this.

**Moira:** It really doesn’t look that bad.

**Moira:** You look like the mermen in One Piece and they look really cool.

 

**Doomfist:** DO NOT COMPARE ME TO YOUR STUPID ANIME SHOWS!

 

**Moira:** I’m sorry…

**Moira:** Please come back...I can fix this

 

**Doomfist:** I DON’T WANT YOU TO HELP ME I WANT DOCTOR ZIEGLER TO HELP ME BECAUSE I KNOW SHE WONT FUCKING INJECT ME WITH FISH DNA!!!!!

 

**Moira:** Angela isn’t a geneticist. I am.

 

**Widowmaker:** And look where that put you in. You’re about to be fisted to death.

 

**Sombra:** BURN!

 

**Moira:** Will you two help me calm Akande down?

 

**Widowmaker:** He’s a fucking fish. He has every right to be angry.

 

**Sombra:** GUYS

**Sombra:** Check this out.

**Sombra:** Okay, Akande, text in the chat.

 

**Doomfish:** WHY SOMBRA?

**Doomfish:** SOMBRA I DO NOT APPRECIATE THIS AT ALL

 

**Sombra:** I had to do it. You can’t blame me.

 

**Doomfish:** YOU WILL BE NEXT IF YOU DON’T CHANGE MY NAME BACK!

 

**Sombra:** Okay, sheesh. I changed it back.

 

**Hana:** This is a riot, oh my god. 

**Hana:** We put the chat onto the big screen at the base and everyone is eating popcorn and watching this play out.

 

**Doomangular Fish:** I AM GLAD YOU GUYS ARE GETTING A FUCKING KICK OUT OF THIS

**Doomangular Fish:** sombra i swear to god….

 

**Sombra:** Okay, I’m sorry. I promise I changed it back.

 

**Doomfist:** …

**Doomfist:** Thank you.

 

**Angela:** Okay, I’m sorry. This was hilarious, but Akande, I will help you. Come by the base and I will look into this.

 

**Doomfist:** Thank you, Doctor Ziegler.

**Doomfist:** Moira, this isn’t over.

 

**Moira:** I said I’m sorry!

 

**Widowmaker:** Are you?

 

**Moira:** I AM. Why do you guys think I’m fucked up or something?

 

**Reaper:** *cough*

 

**Widowmaker:** *cough*

 

**Moira:** Oh my god…

**Moira:** Get over it.

 

**Sombra:** Can you be better at your job?

 

**Moira:** Fuck you.

 

**Genji:** Okay, I need to say this.

**Genji:** Doomfist can totally be that guy from The Shape of the Water movie.

 

**Doomfist:** I WILL PERSONALLY COME KILL YOU GENJI

 

**Hanzo:** Oh please do.

 

**Genji:** Fuck you, bro

 

**Fareeha:** Okay, can we stop? I feel bad for Akande.

 

**Doomfist:** THANK YOU FAREEHA!

 

**Fareeha:** Bc if you two start fighting at the base, Genji will make sushi out of Akande.

 

**Genji:** LMAO LMAO YES YES

 

**Hanzo:** I can help make sashimi.

 

**Doomfist:** PHARAH I WILL TEAR YOUR WINGS OFF

 

**Fareeha:** I’m sorry, I had to.

 

**Doomfist:** YOU REALLY DID NOT HAVE TO!!!!

 

**Moira:** HEY!

**Moira:** Doomfist, think of your motto.

**Moira:** Through conflict do we evolve.

 

**Doomfist:** MOIRA I DIDN’T WANT TO EVOLVE INTO A FUCKING FISH!!!

 

**Moira:** And now I know better! See? I learn from my mistakes!

 

**Doomfist:** I WILL MAKE YOU LEARN A DIFFERENT WAY!!!!

 

**Reaper:** Please tell me that wasn’t an explosion…

 

**Sombra:** It was.

 

**Widowmaker:** Moira’s lab blew up.

 

**Angela:** Good.

 

**Jesse:** I’m crying. Talon is hilarious.

 

**Lena:** A riot!

 

**Sombra:** So...is anyone going to check up on them?

 

**Reaper:** No.

 

**Widowmaker:** Nope.

 

**Sombra:** Alright, cool.

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** @Angela

**Sombra:** Would you know anything about banshees?

 

**Angela:** I know what they are. Why?

 

**Sombra:** Because the explosion turned Moira into a banshee.

 

**Reaper:** Can we bring Moira when you help Akande?

 

**Angela:** Well, I’m going to close down the medical bay. Sorry not sorry.

 

**Doomfist:** WHAT?

 

**Angela:** I’m not dealing with that shit.

 

**Doomfist:** I DON’T WANT TO BE A FUCKING FISH ANGELA

 

**Angela:** Why would you go to Moira for help?

 

**Doomfist:** FOR A COSTUME! NOT TO BE INJECTED WITH FISH DNA!!!

 

**Angela:** Well, that’s your fault for thinking Moira is even capable of even helping.

 

**Doomfist:** You are a horrible doctor…

 

**Angela:** I didn’t get a PhD in kindness, nor my Masters in consideration.

 

**Sombra:** Oh shit…

 

**Reaper:** Wow...

 

**Fareeha:** Damn, that’s my future wife everyone. 

 

**Angela:** ;) I have a bachelors in Fareehalogy~

 

**Fareeha:** I have a bachelors in Zieglerology~~

 

**Angela:** oooo i heard that’s a hard degree to complete~

 

**Fareeha:** I dominated that degree, top of my class~

 

**Angela:** You seem like someone to get on the dean’s special list~ You would be on  the top of my list~~~

 

**Fareeha:** I hope so~ You’re on the top of my to-do list~~

 

**Hana:** Ew shut up you two.

 

**Jesse:** Please stop. You two are ruining the chat.

 

**Junkrat:** Hot…

 

**Angela:** Shut up.

 

**Reaper:** In all seriousness, do any of you guys know how to deal with a banshee?

 

**Lúcio:** Do you think any of us just meets a banshee on the streets?

 

**Ana:** How do you guys even know she’s a banshee?

 

**Reaper: *texts photo***

 

**Jesse:** Jesus…

 

**Hana:** Dear god…

 

**Fareeha:** Oh no…

 

**Genji:** Oh boy...

 

**Angela:** Ew

**Angela:** Kill it with fire.

 

**Widowmaker:** I AM VERY TEMPTED!

 

**Sombra:** We can’t kill our healer…

**Sombra:** Moira is literally the only decent healer in Talon.

 

**Angela:** Sounds rough.

**Angela:** Good luck finding a new healer.

 

**Reaper:** Angela can you please, at least, help Akande?

 

**Sombra:** Please? His body secrets some weird mucus and it’s really gross.

 

**Widowmaker:** WHY DID YOU GUYS HAVE HIM HOLD ME DOWN? I’M COVERED IN MUCUS!

 

**Reaper:** You were literally ready to kill Moira…

 

**Widowmaker:** THAT WOMAN’S SCREAMING IS ANNOYING!

 

**Angela:** Well, most of us are out of the base, picking out pumpkins to carve so you’ll have to wait.

 

**Widowmaker:** Is that why Hana asked for some more cash?

 

**Hana:** Yesh~

 

**Reaper:** Oh my god…

 

**Brigitte:** I’m still here at base. Come over. I’ll fix it.

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re not a doctor?

 

**Sombra:** She saved our lives with Fareeha’s possessed armor last time. Give this woman a chance.

 

**Reaper:** We will take it. We are coming over.

 

**Angela:** Keep Moira away from my stuff.

 

**Widowmaker:** No promises.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** We are on our way back. How is it going over back on base?

 

**Sombra:** Brigitte actually fixed it…

 

**Angela:** How?

 

**Brigitte:** I threw salt at Moira and she returned back to normal.

**Brigitte:** Then I suggest that Doomfist gets a blood transfusion with fresh human blood and detox himself for a few hours and he is already slowly returning to normal.

 

**Hana:** Wow, she’s so smart.

 

**Genji:** Brigitte back at it again. Saving lives.

 

**Jesse:** The true angel of Overwatch.

 

**Angela:** Rude.

 

**Ana:** Hey, you guys know that huge pumpkin we are bringing back on the other orca?

 

**Hana:** The one I picked?

 

**Ana:** Yeah…

**Ana:** Um...it’s not actually a pumpkin…

**Ana:** There’s a hamster that came out of it.

 

**Hana:** What?

 

**Winston:** I’m sorry. A hamster?

 

**Genji:** Holy shit…

 

**Fareeha:** Winston texted?

 

**Jesse:** For a hamster?

 

**Lena:** I’m a little offended. Winston never answers my texts but he will for a hamster?

 

XXX

 

**Winston added Hammond to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Winston:** Well this is certainly a surprise. Everyone, meet a good friend of mine. Hammond.

 

**Hammond:** It is a pleasure to meet you all. :)

 

**Hana:** Hey. To be clear.

**Hana:** The hamster was in MY pumpkin.

**Hana:** So Hammond, you are my adopted son.

 

**Hammond:** Do I not have a say?

 

**Hana:** No.

 

**Hammond:** Okay but you need to let me take a ride in your Meka.

 

**Hana:** Anything for my adopted son.

 

**Jesse:** UM?

 

**Angela:** We are really going to ignore that Hammond is a creature that can engineer beyond any level of an animal intellect, even higher than any human, and we find him in a pumpkin of all places?

 

**Hammond:** You mean my Wrecking Ball?

 

**Genji:** Wait...that wasn’t a real pumpkin?

 

**Hammond:** No, that’s kinda my home so it’ll be great if you guys don’t break it apart.

 

**Hanzo:** Too late. Genji already destroyed half of it.

 

**Genji:** Can you NOT call me out?

 

**Hammond:** Really?

 

**Genji:** Sorry…

 

**Hammond:** Sigh. I guess I can build another one…

 

**Hana:** Fuck you, Genji. My son is sad.

 

**Angela:** Do you really have no consideration for people’s stuff, Genji?

 

**Fareeha:** Why do you need to chop everything up?

 

**Hanzo:** Dishonor on you, Genji.

 

**Jesse:** You made the hamster sad.

 

**Lena:** Nice job, Genji.

 

**Lúcio:** It’s only his first day and you really ruined it.

 

**Genji:** I’m sorry…

 

**Widowmaker:** Hold up. I paid for that pumpkin.

 

**Hana:** Yeah…you did….

 

**Widowmaker:** The hamster belongs to Talon.

 

**Reaper:** No, we are not adding a hamster to Talon…

 

**Sombra:** We kinda need a tank...and Hanzo won’t accept our invitations.

 

**Hanzo:** What part of ‘I do NOT want to join Talon’ do you guys NOT get?

 

**Doomfist:** We do need a tank…

 

**Sombra:** Feeling better?

 

**Doomfist:** Immensely. 

 

**Reaper:** I change my mind. We will recruit the hamster.

 

**Sombra:** YES!

 

**Hana:** UM? NO?

 

**Jesse:** Woah woah, you guys can’t just take the hamster.

 

**Hammond:** I have a name…

 

**Jack:** Gabe, why do you always take? You never give. Don’t take the hamster away from us.

 

**Reaper:** We need a tank.

 

**Angela:** You guys are our enemies.

 

**Widowmaker:** Yeah but it was my money that paid for it.

 

**Hana:** If my son goes to Talon, so will I.

 

**Sombra:** OKAY!

 

**Angela:** NO YOU ARE NOT HANA!

 

**Hana:** You’re not my mom.

 

**Fareeha:** Angela will and knows how to dismantle your computer.

 

**Hana:** Okay, let's not be rash…

 

**Widowmaker:** I am Hana’s sugar mother so I have a say in Hana’s decision that I fully support.

 

**Sombra:** And we will have two tanks!

 

**Angela:** I’m the one who gives Hana bubble baths and tummy rubs. I have to dress her in the morning because she can’t dress herself. I even have to do her makeup bc she can’t make perfect triangles. I’m her emotional support mom. She needs me to basically survive.

 

**Hana:** Can you not mention that on chat….?

 

**Widowmaker:** I pay for almost everything and she needs me to get a decent meal because you guys are horrible food providers. 

 

**Angela:** I cook for her.

 

**Hana:** You’re not a good cook…

 

**Angela:** I’m sorry that i can’t figure out how to make kimchi but you can’t just eat that all the time.

 

**Hana:** Yes I can.

 

**Hammond:** Can I just say something?

 

**Widowmaker:** If Hana wants to join Talon, she can.

 

**Sombra:** YES SHE CAN!

 

**Brigitte:** Woah...don’t I have a say in this too?

 

**Sombra:** BRIGITTE JOIN TALON. YOU WOULD BE SUCH A BETTER HEALER THAN MOIRA!!

 

**Brigitte:** Um?

 

**Lena:** Hana can’t leave the trio…

 

**Lúcio:** Yeah, what about us?

 

**Hana:** Come with me.

 

**Lena:** Okay

 

**Lúcio:** Okay.

 

**Jack:** NO WHAT???

 

**Hammond:** Guys, let me just say I’ll stay with Overwatch.

 

**Hana:** Oh? Okay, I stay.

 

**Reaper:** Come on. Talon can offer you as much sunflower seeds as you want.

 

**Hammond:** Tempting but no.

 

**Winston:** Hammond and I have some strains in our friendship that we would like to mend. If you take him away from Overwatch, I will personally primal rage the entire Talon base by ripping you all into pieces.

 

**Reaper:** …

 

**Widowmaker:** …

 

**Sombra:** …

 

**Doomfist:** …

 

**Moira:** I just woke up. What happen?

 

**Hana:** So Hammond stays at Overwatch?

 

**Hammond:** Yes! :)

 

**Jesse:** YAY!

 

**Lena:** WOOO

 

**Lúcio:** ALL RIGHT!

 

**Angela:** Thank god…

 

**Fareeha:** Glad everything is now in order.

 

**Jack:** Crisis averted

 

**Hana:** Now, Winston, can you please come out of your room and let us hang out with Hammond?

 

**Winston:** Fine.

 

**Hammond:** Genji, you are helping me fix up my Wrecking Ball.

 

**Genji:** Okay…

 

**Hammond:** I’ll need to dismantle you to provide a few substitute parts for my Wrecking Ball until I get a new order in.

 

**Genji:** WAIT WHAT?

 

**Hanzo:** Go ahead.

 

**Genji:** FUCK I AM OUT!

 

**Hana:** CHASE THAT NINJA FOR THE HAMSTER!!!

 

**Jesse:** CHARGE!

 

**Fareeha:** FOR JUSTICE!

 

**Angela:** COME BACK HERE GENJI!

 

**Lena:** FOR HAMMOND

 

**Lúcio:** WWOOOWOWOWOWOWOWOOOOO

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU ALL!!!

 

XXX

 

**Moira:** Guys, what happened?

**Moira:** Where am I?

**Moira:** Did someone shove salt in my mouth?

**Moira:** Guys?

**Moira:** Hello?

**Moira: *text photos*** Whose pink panties are these?

 

**Angela:** What the fuck are you doing in my closet….??

  
**Moira:** I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT HERE WHERE IS EVERYONE?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of these chapters will be coming soon. I will incorpate the other Halloween skins (Satya’s dragon skin, witch mercy, etc) soon. Feel free to feed me more ideas or suggestions you want to see. After all, October is the month to do it!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	20. Octoverwatch; True Love? Dates? Engaged!?

**Hammond:** You guys never told me that a dragon lives on the base!

 

**Jesse:** A what?

 

**Hana:** Huh?

 

**Angela:** I assure you that a dragon does not live on the base.

 

**Hammond:**

****

**Hammond:** DRAGON!

 

**Hana:** HOLY FUCK

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Genji:** Is that...smaugette?

 

**Fareeha:** What?

 

**Genji:** You know how a special crown is placed on Bowser and he became a buff lady. That looks like a dragon lady if it was put on Smaug from The Hobbits.

 

**Sombra:** @Moira

 

**Widowmaker:** @Moira

 

**Doomfist:** @Moira

 

**Reaper:** @Moira

 

**Moira:** No, I did NOT have anything to do with this.

 

**Angela:** You sure?

 

**Moira:** I’m very fucking sure.

 

**Angela:** Just making sure.

 

**Lena:** Well shit...I guess we have a dragon on base?

 

**Jesse:** We have a gorilla and a hamster on base. A dragon isn’t too surprising. 

 

**Fareeha:** You know...the more I look at it. The dragon is starting to look more familiar.

 

**Angela:** Same…

 

**Hanzo:** I volunteer Genji to go check it out.

 

**Genji:** Sure. Let me just gather up my missing body parts.

**Genji:** Fuck you guys.

 

**Hammond:** You should not have broken my Wrecking Ball.

 

**Jesse:** Genji, go.

 

**Genji:** I HAVE NO FUCKING LEGS. YOU GUYS TOOK IT OFF ME TO HELP HAMMOND.

 

**Angela:** You have arms. Just crawl over.

 

**Genji:** GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT.

 

**Lúcio:** I’ll do it. I’m curious about the dragon lady.

 

**Hana:** Did you just assume its gender?

 

**Genji:** It looks like a woman.

 

**Angela:** Let's not assume.

 

**Lúcio:** Not going to lie, they look pretty cute.

 

**Hana:** Damn Lúcio. Go get them.

 

**Lena:** You got it!

 

**Lúcio:** Thanks guys!

 

XXX

 

**Lúcio:** FUCK YOU SATYA FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!

 

**Satya:** How did you not know it was me?

 

**Jesse:** That was Satya!?

 

**Satya:** Yeah, it’s me. I just got back.

 

**Genji:** You left?

 

**Satya:** Yeah.

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela:** …so you are into dragons like… “that”?

 

**Hana:** LMAO

 

**Satya:** No. I went to a dragon convention and there was a competition for best costume so I wore this.

 

**Fareeha:** You like dragons?

 

**Satya:** I do. They are the best mythical creatures.

 

**Genji:** Lúcio wanted to get some dragon pussy.

 

**Lúcio:** NO I DIDN’T. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!

 

**Satya:** I am never wearing this costume around the base anymore…

 

**Jesse:** Hey, Satya. You left your book on the couch.

 

**Satya:** DO NOT TOUCH IT. LEAVE IT AND WALK AWAY!

 

**Jesse:** Oh now I’m curious.

 

**Satya:** DO NOT LOOK AT IT!

 

**Jesse:** What’s Kama Sutra?

**Jesse:** Oh

**Jesse:** Satya, you are into some pretty interesting sex positions.

 

**Satya:** I’m holding onto the book for a friend.

 

**Angela:** Yeah, sure. And I’m willing to let Moira eat me out.

 

**Moira:** Really?!

 

**Angela:** No.

 

**Fareeha:** Your name is our safeword because it’s a sure way to turn ourselves off.

 

**Moira:** …

**Moira:** Yeah, cool. Makes sense…

 

**Hana:** LMFAO

**Hana:** Okay but real talk! We gotta get Satya laid.

 

**Satya:** No thank you. I am good.

 

**Junkrat:** I volunteer!

 

**Satya:** STOP! NO!

 

**Lena:** @Widowmaker

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Lena:** You and Satya should date.

 

**Widowmaker:** Why?

 

**Satya:** STOP IT NOW!

 

**Lúcio:** Is it weird, and I’m being totally honest, that I can see it?

 

**Satya:** No, stop.

 

**Widowmaker:** Why? We have nothing in common.

 

**Lena:** I was thinking that Widowmaker’s face is perfectly symmetrical.

 

**Widowmaker:** And?

 

**Lena:** Studies have shown that people with symmetrical face structures are considered more attractive.

 

**Hana:** And Satya likes symmetrical stuff.

 

**Satya:** That doesn’t mean I’m going to date Widowmaker. Let alone an enemy of Overwatch.

 

**Lúcio:** Symmetra and Widowmaker sitting in a tree~

 

**Hana:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

 

**Lena:** First come love, then comes marriage, then comes Satya with a baby carriage.

 

**Junkrat:** Alright, if Satya wants symmetrical, let me blow up my limbs so they all match!

 

**Hana:** …

 

**Lena:** …

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Angela:** Look at what you three have done.

**Angela:** I’m not putting him back together.

 

**Roadhog:** Let him do it.

**Roadhog:** Saves me the trouble for the future.

**Roadhog:** Please let him do it. Please.

 

**Junkrat:** ROADIE APPROVES HERE I GO!

 

**Ana:** Nope.

 

**Roadhog:** Why did you sleep dart him?

 

**Ana:** I’m a reasonable person. I’m not going to sit around and let someone blow themselves up.

**Ana:** I am a woman that will take action right away.

 

**Fareeha:** When are you going to tell dad that you’re alive or am I going to have to do it?

 

**Ana:** Fareeha fucking Amari I swear to Allah I will fake my death again if you keep bringing Sam up…

 

**Fareeha:** DAD DESERVES TO KNOW! AT LEAST LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE!

 

**Ana:** YOU WORRY ABOUT GETTING ME GRANDCHILDREN WITH THAT 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN OF YOURS!

 

**Angela:** EXCUSE ME?

**Angela:** I AM 37!

**Angela:** YOU WANT GRANDCHILDREN? @FAREEHA COME TO MY LAB AND LETS MAKE SOME!

 

**Fareeha:** MY PLEASURE

 

**Ana:** Well…

**Ana:** If that’s all it took, I should’ve done this a long time ago.

 

**Jack:** Ana…

 

**Moira:** No…. :(((((

 

**Fareeha:** Oh? So we playing this game, mum?

 

**Angela:** Just for that, we ain’t going to make babies. We are not giving you the satisfaction.

 

**Moira:** YAY :))))

 

**Ana:** Hurry up and get married at least

 

**Moira:** Nooooo

 

**Fareeha:** Moira shut up omg…

 

**Angela:** You know what, Ana? You’re right.

**Angela:** Fareeha Amari, the love of my life, will you officially be engaged with me?

 

**Fareeha:** Angela Ziegler, I will gladly be engaged with you.

 

**Moira:** WHAT?!

 

**Ana:** Fine, I can accept this. In return, get off my back about Sam.

 

**Fareeha:** Deal.

 

**Angela:** Agreed.

 

**Jack:** Um…

**Jack:** Congrats?

 

**Lena:** Congrats!

 

**Lúcio:** YAY BIRDMOMS ARE ENGAGED!

 

**Jesse:** Worst proposal ever lmao.

 

**Genji:** Great, now they are going to rub it in our faces that they are engaged

 

**Angela:** Haters are going to hate, bitches.

 

**Fareeha:** Say it, baby~

 

**Hana:** Well that was a lot. 

**Hana:** Anyways...

**Hana:** Let's set Satya and Widowmaker on a date.

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Satya:** No.

 

**Lena:** This is why you two are the most cold-hearted people ever.

**Lena:** You need some fire to warm you two up.

**Lena:** Two negatives make a positive.

 

**Satya:** That only applies in multiplying two negative numbers in mathematical equations.

 

**Genji:** Huh?

 

**Hanzo:** Math, Genji.

 

**Genji:** Oh, alright. Gotcha.

**Genji:** What’s math?

 

**Hanzo:** Nevermind…

 

**Hana:** You can practice your Kama Sutra stuff with Widowmaker.

 

**Satya:** I wasn’t reading that book. I was holding on to it.

 

**Jesse:** Sure.

 

**Hammond:** Sure…

 

**Lena:** Sure…

 

**Angela:** Kama Sutra actually has healthy and beautiful bonding tactics between lovers that strengthen the relationship between couples.

 

**Fareeha:** For example, breathing into each other’s mouth helps build a stronger spiritual connection and allows the other person to just feel the other person’s presence within themselves.

 

**Hana:** Yes yes, we know you two fuck each other’s brains out, we get it. Just because you are now engaged doesn’t mean you need to rub it in our faces.

 

**Fareeha:** Be more respectful to your mothers.

 

**Hana:** No.

 

**Angela:** I’ll take away your Doritos tonight.

 

**Hana:** No, please don’t.

 

**Widowmaker:** Angela, you make a horrible mom...

 

**Angela:** You make a lazy mother.

 

**Widowmaker:** I can accept that.

 

**Hana:** Cool, will you go on a date with Satya?

 

**Satya:** Stop setting me up with someone I barely even know!

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m not going to date someone who is into dragons like “that”.

 

**Satya:** I am NOT into dragons like “that”. I actually love dragons as the mythical creatures they are in myths and folklore.

 

**Lena:** Sure. Whatever you say.

 

**Satya:** I really detest you all.

 

**Lúcio:** The feeling is mutual.

 

**Jesse:** Are ya’ll going to date or not?

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Satya:** No.

 

**Moira:** Want to help me get set up with a date to help me move on?

 

**Hana:** We aren’t genies that can make your wishes come true.

 

**Lena:** We can only do so much.

 

**Lúcio:** Don’t expect so much out of us.

 

**Angela:** They aren’t miracle workers.

**Angela:** And get rekt Moira, Fareeha is all mine now~ I put a ring on her~

 

**Fareeha:** AAAYYYYY I love Beyoncé.

 

**Moira:** For the millionth time, I do NOT have any romantic feelings for Fareeha.

 

**Fareeha:** You sure have a hard time proving that wrong.

 

**Moira:** Because I really don’t.

**Moira:** Because I actually like ROADHOG

**Moira:** NO

**Moira:** NO NOT ROADHOG!!!

**Moira:** I like ROADHOG

**Moira:** NO STOP STOP FUCK FUCK

**Moira:** @SOMBRA I KNOW THAT THIS IS YOU!!!!

 

**Sombra:** Huh? Just woke up.

**Sombra:** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**Sombra:** Aw Moria, I didn’t know you felt that way about him. I’m sorry. We should have focused on getting you a date with him.

 

**Moira:** SOMBRA I KNOW THIS IS YOU!!!!!

 

**Angela:** Huh. You two would make a cute couple and I’m being totally honest.

 

**Moira:** STOP STOP PLEASE

 

**Roadhog:** Moira…

**Roadhog:** I didn’t know…

**Roadhog:** For Halloween, I’m dressing up as Frankenstein for a party for terminally sick children at a local hospital. Would you like to be Frankenstein’s bride with me and help give these kids a happy Halloween?

 

**Moira:** Yes, I would love to help you Mako-Chan~

**Moira:** NO NO NO I DID NOT TYPE THAT!!

 

**Roadhog:** We wouldn’t have to call it a date. It’s just something we can do together.

 

**Moira:** Roadhog, you seem like a really nice guy but I’m TOTALLY DOWN FOR IT HELL YAH

**Moira:** SOMBRA!!!!

 

**Sombra:** Yes?

 

**Moira:** STOP IT!

 

**Sombra:** I am not doing anything.

 

**Moira:** Please, don’t do this to me.

 

**Sombra:** Do what?

 

**Roadhog:** Um? Is that a yes or no?

 

**Moira:** It’s a FUCK YEAH I AM IN!

 

**Widowmaker:** ...

**Widowmaker:** Moira just broke her phone.

 

**Sombra:** Aw, she is just embarrassed. 

 

**Reaper:** You hacked her phone...huh?

 

**Sombra:** Oh what gave me away~

 

**Roadhog:** So I take it that was a no…?

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, sorry Roadhog.

 

**Roadhog:** It’s fine. As long as someone is at the hospital for the kids, I don’t mind if it’s just me.

 

**Sombra:** Hey buddy.

**Sombra:** If you would be okay with it, why don’t I dress as Frankenstein’s Bride with you and we can go cheer up those children together?

 

**Roadhog:** Really?!

 

**Sombra:** Yeah! I think it’ll be really fun!

 

**Roadhog:** Thank you. :) Everyone else is invited to come too.

 

**Hana:** Babe you are too sweet and kind awwwww <3

**Hana:** Can I join too?

 

**Roadhog:** Of course~

 

**Brigitte:** We should all go!

**Brigitte:** It’ll be fun!

 

**Angela:** I agree!

 

**Ana:** We should!

 

**Lena:** YAY!! Let’s do it!

 

**Jesse:** Alright! I’m down.

 

**Sombra:** Widow! Come with me!

 

**Widowmaker:** I guess I can put something on and come too.

 

**Satya:** Since I am still in my dragon costume I’ll join as well

 

**Hana:** You two should go together!

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Satya:** No.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** This isn’t fair...how come they kicked me out…

 

**Angela:** Your costume is scaring the kids.

 

**Jesse:** Oh but Fareeha’s possessed purple look doesn’t scare them?

 

**Roadhog:** Don’t you think it’s a bit insensitive to wear a skull mask at a hospital?

 

**Jesse:** Oh? But jack can dress up as Jason??

 

**Genji:** You’re just scary in general, bro.

 

**Jesse:** Lena is just a fucking werewolf. My costume is, at least, at the same level of scary as her outfit is.

 

**Lena:** Look, Jesse. Kids don’t like you.

 

**Jesse:** No fair…

 

**Hana:** We’ll send you pictures.

**Hana: *texts photo***

**Hana:** Sombra looks so beautiful as Frankenstein’s bride~~

 

**Brigitte:** She sure does~

**Brigitte: *text photo***

**Brigitte:** I caught Widowmaker checking out Satya.

 

**Lena:** ooooooo

 

**Lúcio:** Busted!

 

**Widowmaker:** Really? Can I not have a casual conversation with Satya now?

 

**Hana:** What were you two talking about?

 

**Satya:** The physics and kinesiology of ballet dancing, quantum theories in general, the entire lore of dragon and spider monsters in myths, how to cause less noises from future and potential victims when you shove a pillow on their head, the entire history of how the stigma of mental health has grown over time, our favorite books and poems from the 18th and 17th century, and the controversial, nation splitting, biased 2015 politics era that was ruled by a billionaire with small hands.

**Satya:** We are discussing topics that surpass your intellect.

 

**Genji:** …

**Genji:** One of those things are not like the other…

 

**Hanzo:** Yeah, 2015 politics. That’s a very touchy subject.

 

**Genji:** …

**Genji:** Of course you wouldn’t see the problem…

 

**Hanzo:** ?

 

**Lúcio:** …

**Lúcio:** We are not pissing off Satya anytime soon…

 

**Satya:** You have already pissed me off so many times…

 

**Angela:** Can you lighten up? We are here to make kids happy…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. Here me out. Symmetra x Widowmaker is such a rare and unusual pairing but the more I think about them, the more they work so well in my head. Now, I won't force this ship out if you guys don't really like it or don't want it to be explored more. I'll just make it a running joke, but let me know what you think. There always has to be the odd or rare couple in a group and I think it might be them. Be honest too. If you don't really like it for whatever reason, let me know.
> 
> Also! Thank you to Grimlockprime222 for the picture! I really love it! Check out his chat fic! https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440536/chapters/33354285
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	21. Octoverwatch; Widowmaker the Savage

**Lena:** @Widowmaker Hey luv, what’s yah wifi password?

 

**Widowmaker:** ?

**Widowmaker:** Why do you need my wifi password?

 

**Lena:** So I don’t have to use data on my phone. Duh

 

**Widowmaker:** I get that…

**Widowmaker:** But...why my wifi password??

 

**Angela:** Can you just tell us your wifi password so we play some music?

 

**Widowmaker:** Again…

**Widowmaker:** Why my wifi password?

 

**Jesse:** Why is it so hard for you to tell us your wifi password?

 

**Widowmaker:** Why do you need it? The only place I have wifi set up is at a special and secret place.

 

**Lena:** Oh my god just tell us your wifi password!

 

**Widowmaker:** Why do you guys need it?

 

**Lúcio:** SO WE DON’T USE OUR DATA!

 

**Widowmaker:** Okay let me rephrase my question.

**Widowmaker:** Are you guys at the secret and special place where I had wifi installed?

 

**Sombra:** Can you just tell us the wifi password? We want to start the surprise Halloween party at your Château Guillard.

 

**Widowmaker:** What…?

 

**Sombra:** We need your wifi password to start the surprise Halloween party.

 

**Widowmaker:** ...Did you set up a party at my family’s home without my knowledge?

 

**Sombra:** Surprise!

 

**Satya:** Amélie, would it be too much trouble to inform us the wifi password so we don’t overuse our data plan?

 

**Widowmaker:** The wifi password is: XXXsombrahasarealnameanditisoliviacolomarXXX

 

**Sombra:** …wow...

 

**Satya:** Thank you.

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re welcome.

 

**Angela:** Oh? You two are on first name basis?

 

**Widowmaker:** Don’t you call your friends by their first names?

 

**Lúcio:** Oh? Now you two are friends now?

 

**Jesse:** Nah, I call Angela ‘bitchface’ whenever I see her.

 

**Angela:** He does. So I replaced his aftershave with rubbing alcohol.

 

**Jesse:** WTF IS THAT WHY MY FACE FUCKING BURNS!?

 

**Hanzo:** I use that aftershave too, Angela…

 

**Angela:** I’ll buy you a separate aftershave for xmas, Hanzo.

 

**Hanzo:** That’s kind of you, thank you.

 

**Hammond:** So we really going to ignore the fact that the most secret and powerful hacker in the world has just had her real name exposed by her co-worker?

 

**Sombra:** Meh. It’s not really the end of the world.

**Sombra:** Widowmaker knows I have secrets about her that she would die if I exposed.

 

**Widowmaker:** Why are we even ‘friends’? I really find you so annoying.

 

**Sombra:** Because we love to annoy Moira together.

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re not wrong.

 

**Moira:** Gee, thanks.

 

**Sombra:** Hey, Moira. You should come by. Roadhog might come~

 

**Moira:** I don’t want to deal with this…

**Moira:** Just to be clear, I don’t have feelings for Fareeha and Roadhog.

 

**Fareeha:** Sure…

 

**Roadhog:** Whatever you say…

 

**Moira:** I’m not going to fight this…

 

**Widowmaker:** I can’t be there to chase you guys out of my family’s home so please don’t destroy the place. It has a lot of historical and sentimental value.

 

**Angela:** Sure, understandable. We’ll clean up after the party.

 

**Widowmaker:** Thank you.

 

**Hana:** Hey, where did you guys put all of our bags?

 

**Fareeha:** In the hallway in the west side of the castle.

 

**Hana:** K, thanks.

 

**Angela:** @Hana, do you mind getting me my bag?

 

**Hana:** Yeah, no prob.

 

**Angela:** Thanks!

 

XXX

 

**Fareeha:** What’s all the noise outside?

 

**Jesse:** We’re trying to set off the fireworks.

 

**Lena:** WHAT? Those were supposed to be for later.

 

**Jesse:** We got impatient.

**Jesse:** But I don’t think the fireworks are working…

 

**Fareeha:** Are you throwing them into the air and shooting them?

 

**Jesse:** Maybe…

 

**Genji:** He is doing that. 

 

**Angela:** You guys have to light them up…

 

**Genji:** Shouldn’t the firepower from Jesse’s gun be able to set them off?

 

**Fareeha:** Maybe but those are a lot smaller and are meant to be held so maybe they are too small to explode.

 

**Jesse:** I guess…

**Jesse:** @Hana, I think you just bought some duds!

 

**Hana:** That can’t be…

**Hana:** I would think I bought the right kind of fireworks.

 

**Jesse:** Well, they don’t work!

 

**Hana:** I guess we won’t have fireworks then.

 

**Genji:** No fair…

 

**Angela:** Hey, I think I found the problem.

**Angela:** Hana, you gave me the wrong bag. I have the bag with the fireworks.

 

**Hana:** Oh...my bad. We all have the same Overwatch bag so...they literally look all the same…

 

**Angela:** Well, then where’s my bag? I want to get dressed into my witch costume.

 

**Jesse:** Hey, Angela. Hypothetically, how special was that witch costume to you?

 

**Angela:** Was?

**Angela:** I mean I just recently fixed it up and worked all night on it. It’s my favorite Halloween outfit.

**Angela:** Why?

**Angela:** No...

**Angela:** JESSE?

**Angela:** PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME THE BAG YOU WERE SHOOTING WAS MY BAG?

 

**Jesse:** It’s not.

 

**Genji:** It is.

 

**Jesse:** BRO?

**Jesse:** What happened to bros before hoes?

**Jesse:** Where the fuck did you just run off to?

 

**Genji:** This is what you get for breaking my oni mask.

 

**Jesse:** I’m sorry!

**Jesse:** It’s fucking creepy and I was doing everyone a favor!

 

**Genji:** PAYBACK BITCH!

**Genji:** YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE SHIT!

 

**Fareeha:** You should, Jesse. Angela grabbed her gun and is heading towards you.

 

**Jesse:** WELP TIME TO SKIDDADLE!

 

**Widowmaker:** You guys brought weapons into my family’s home…

 

**Fareeha:** You never know when an emergency might come up. Or a last-minute mission.

 

**Satya:** There’s literally no reason for you to have brought your rocket launcher with you…

 

**Fareeha:** It goes with my costume.

 

**Satya:** Is it armed?

 

**Fareeha:** Maybe.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** Why would you guys force me to come to this party? I want to go home.

 

**Widowmaker:** I want to go home too…

**Widowmaker:** I need to chase all of you guys out.

**Widowmaker:** No offense, Satya. I know you don’t just barge into people’s homes and destroy the place.

 

**Satya:** I would chase them out myself but I’m not going to fight with a rolling ball that’s twice my size.

 

**Widowmaker:** Hammond brought the Wrecking Ball…

**Widowmaker:** Is it in my house…?

 

**Satya:** Yes…

**Satya:** He’s swinging himself around the statue and Lena, Lúcio, and Hana are playing ‘jump rope’ with him.

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh my goodness…

**Widowmaker:** @Moira go to my place and make sure they don’t cause any more damage.

 

**Moira:** Why me? Why don't you go?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Leave my bubble bath? No.

 **Widowmaker:**  Go andI’ll buy you all the Naruto figurines you want.

 

**Moira:** DEAL!

**Moira:** ON MY WAY BITCHES! AUNTIE MOIRA IS GOING TO MAKE YOU GUYS BEHAVE!

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** For someone who is always getting the entire attack of these imbeciles’ shenanigans, she’s easy to convince…

 

**Widowmaker:** You are talking about someone who cries every single time she watches the Pokemon movie and sees Pikachu cries.

**Widowmaker:** Or cries whenever that Naruto character has some inspiring speech

**Widowmaker:** Or cries at every scene where some anime character gets a redemption arc

**Widowmaker:** Last night, she cried over some show called Little Witch Academia and saying something that dianakko is canon.

**Widowmaker:** She’s...an interesting person…

 

**Satya:** Last night, Jesse put Elmer's glue into Angela’s face lotion. She ran out screaming after Jesse.

**Satya:** That same night, Angela got Jesse back by taking his arm and giving it to Brigitte’s cats to play with.

**Satya:** I spend all night building Jesse a new arm.

**Satya:** If you ever come here, be wary of Brigitte’s cats.

**Satya:** They are a lot stronger than they appear to be.

 

**Widowmaker:** Noted.

**Widowmaker:** If you ever visit Talon again, just know that Reaper hogs the bathroom for hours.

**Widowmaker:** Doomfist will make you do yoga with him at 5 am in the morning.

**Widowmaker:** Sombra will find out some secret you never even know you had.

**Widowmaker:** And Moira is just Moira. You can easily beat her up.

 

**Satya:** Interesting.

**Satya:** By the way, I ended up walking away from the commotion and wandered around the basement. 

**Satya:** Is that really a coffin locked away in the basement?

 

**Widowmaker:** It is.

**Widowmaker:** I never really touched it but when I was a little girl, my family claimed it was a vampire coffin.

 

**Satya:** It does have interesting symbols on it that can be associated with vampirism.

**Satya:** The books down here also have interesting content on the folklore of vampires and cults. Would you mind if I take a look at them?

 

**Widowmaker:** Be my guest. You’re free to borrow some books. I don’t really read them anyway.

**Widowmaker:** If you want, in the future, you can drop by the place again and I can show you some old scrolls and logbooks from the medieval times.

 

**Satya:** I’ll take up on that offer. It’ll be a nice excuse to get away from Overwatch.

 

**Widowmaker:** Tell me about it. I go there to get away from Talon…

 

**Satya:** Oh, by the way.

**Satya:** I think they just broke one of the pillars outside.

**Satya:** Maybe more than one…

 

**Widowmaker:** I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.

**Widowmaker:** I expected them to break something sooner.

 

**Satya:** I think they are screaming…

**Satya:** I’m going to check on what they are screaming at.

 

**Widowmaker:** Good luck.

 

**Satya:** Thanks. I’ll need it.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** GENJI, TELL ZENYATTA TO WARN US BEFORE COMING UP TO US IN THAT CTHULHU OUTFIT!

 

**Genji:** YA’LL DIDN’T HAVE TO GET SO TRIGGER HAPPY AND SHOOT HIM DOWN!

 

**Angela:** It was all Jesse.

**Angela:** He even grabbed Fareeha’s rocket launcher…

 

**Genji:** I KNEW THAT WAS YOU JESSE!

 

**Jesse:** I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT MY DARLING!

 

**Genji:** HANZO WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING HOUSE!

 

**Hanzo:** Why can’t we just have a calm event?

 

**Hana:** Are we going to ignore the fact that Satya and Widowmaker were totally chatting it up while we were gone?

 

**Satya:** We weren’t ‘chatting it up’. We were having a casual conversation while you guys freaked out about an omnic in a Halloween costume.

 

**Lena:** Yeah, and Widowmaker totally just invited you to come by to her place again. Ooh lalala~

 

**Widowmaker:** I invited her back because she has a curiosity and appreciation for the historical history behind the castle.

**Widowmaker:** Something that you all lack.

 

**Sombra:** Why’s Moira here?

 

**Moira:** TO CALM YOU CHILDREN!

 

**Angela:** No thanks, we’re good.

 

**Moira:** CALM DOWN CHILDREN!

 

**Jesse:** STOP THROWING YOUR BALLS AT US!!

 

**Moira:** CALM DOWN! CHILDREN, CALM DOWN!

 

**Genji:** STOP YOUR BALLS ARE SO FUCKING WEIRD!

 

**Fareeha:** Moira just tripped over the ledge…

 

**Angela:** Into the water?

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah.

 

**Angela:** Good.

 

**Hana:** Someone should go get her.

 

**Angela:** How about no?

 

**Satya:** I’ll get her.

**Satya:** The last thing we need is someone drowning…

 

**Widowmaker:** Sigh…

**Widowmaker:** Why are you guys like this?

 

**Lena:** Why aren’t you dating Satya yet?

 

**Widowmaker:** Why didn’t you save Mondatta on time?

 

**Lúcio:** OH SHIT WIDOWMAKER ACTUALLY WENT THERE!

 

**Lena:** Why are you so fucking cold-hearted?

 

**Widowmaker:** Why does your girlfriend have a similar name to me? You must like me enough to get a girlfriend that has a similar name to me.

 

**Lena:** Why did you fail so much at getting Doomfist’s gauntlet at the museum?

 

**Widowmaker:** Why can’t you aim properly?

 

**Lena:** I can aim!

 

**Widowmaker:** If you could aim, then Mondatta would still be alive.

 

**Hana:** Jesus…

**Hana:** You made Lena shoot her phone…

 

**Widowmaker:** So she was able to aim well to shoot it? Impressive.

 

**Jesse:** Cold hearted savage right there.

 

**Widowmaker:** I am a Talon agent.

 

**Angela:** Not a good one.

 

**Widowmaker:** Okay SaggyTits.

 

**Angela:** WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS FIGHT AGAIN!

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re right. You had a really mean left hook the last time we fought.

 

**Angela:** You are damn right I do.

 

**Widowmaker:** But you have really huge cankles to support yourself, so it makes sense.

 

**Angela:** At least I don’t pump myself with silicon to make my butt look bigger,

 

**Widowmaker:** It’s all natural, actually. You might need it though, flat ass.

 

**Jesse:** Oh shit!!!!

 

**Angela:** I will destroy your home.

 

**Widowmaker:** With what? Your bingo arms?

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela:** You better keep an eye open on the next mission we have against you guys.

 

**Widowmaker:** Sure. I’ll watch you with my perfect, flawless, non-crow’s feet eyes.

**Widowmaker:** Doctor Wrinkle Cheeks

 

**Jesse:** Wow. You just made Angela storm off.

 

**Fareeha:** Why, Widowmaker?

 

**Widowmaker:** Go attend to your elder. She’ll need help getting home on those brittle granny legs she has.

 

**Jesse:** Damn savage, Widowmaker

 

**Widowmaker:** I try.

 

**Sombra:** You are literally such a party pooper.

 

**Widowmaker:** Looks like the party is over, then.

**Widowmaker:** Get out of my fucking house.

 

**Sombra:** So you can get Satya alone into the house?

**Sombra:** Awww

 

**Widowmaker:** Why hasn’t Talon got rid of you yet?

 

**Sombra:** I’m the only one that knows anything about turning on the Internet.

 

**Reaper:** That is sadly true…

 

**Hana:** Hey, does Moira know how to swim?

 

**Widowmaker:** I don’t know.

 

**Hana:** Ya’ll should teach her how to swim then.

 

**Reaper:** Thanks…?

 

**Hana:** You’re welcome.

 

**Satya:** Seriously, Moira can’t swim at all…

**Satya:** She thought swallowing the water that was already in her mouth will allow for her to pocket some air.

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Reaper:** …

 

**Hana:** Also tell her to cut her damn nails…

 

**Satya:** That too…

**Satya:** She almost clawed my eyes out.

 

**Reaper:** Wouldn’t be the first time…

 

**Sombra:** So you and Satya aren’t dating yet?

 

**Satya:** We’re not.

 

**Widowmaker:** We’re not.

 

**Hana:** How cute, ya’ll saying the same thing.

 

**Satya:** Get in the orca and let's go…

 

**Hana:** Okay mom.

 

**Satya:** Don’t call me that…

 

**Hana:** If you date Widowmaker, you’ll be like the wife of my sugar momma.

 

**Satya:** We’re not dating.

 

**Widowmaker:** We’re not dating.

 

**Hana:** Ya’ll keep saying the same thing. It’s meant to be.

 

**Satya:** My fist is meant to be in your face if you don’t get into the orca.

 

**Sombra:** Woah there…

 

**Hana:** Alright, I’m coming.

 

**Widowmaker:** Are you guys going to leave Moira there?

 

**Satya:** I don’t see a reason to bring her.

 

**Widowmaker:** Fair enough.

**Widowmaker:** Have a safe trip.

 

**Satya:** Thanks. Have a nice night.

 

**Widowmaker:** Thanks.

 

**Hana:** Gay.

 

**Satya:** Text in this chat one more time and I will start breaking phones.

 

XXX

 

**Moira:** You guys need to stop leaving me…

 

**Sombra:** Stop throwing balls everywhere, then.

 

**Widowmaker:** Like stop.

 

**Reaper:** It’s weird.

 

**Doomfist:** Really odd.

  
**Moira:** DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY YOU GUYS LEFT ME BEHIND!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overwatch parties never really work out in the end...
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	22. Respect Your Supports; Motivate Your Team

**Hana:** Look. I don’t want to be that person.

**Hana:** But this is the stupidest mission of our entire careers.

 

**Jesse:** I agree. This is really just a huge slap in the face.

 

**Angela:** We could be doing something with our lives.

**Angela:** Like start thinking about having a family.

 

**Fareeha:** Set up a trust fund and save up for retirement.

 

**Brigitte:** Work on new inventions to benefit the lives of those who live in poor conditions.

 

**Genji:** Start a new hobby.

 

**Jack:** Can you guys just focus on the mission?

 

**Jesse:** Jack..you’re not even here with us.

**Jesse:** It’s just one tank, two supports, and three offenses.

**Jesse:** It’s just the six of us in this hella hot place.

**Jesse:** Shut up.

 

**Jack:** Can you guys stop texting in the chat and listen to the intercom for my orders?

**Jack:** I’ve been trying to give you directions on how to tackle Talon.

 

**Hana:** I lost mine.

 

**Jack:** ...

**Jack:** Hana…

**Jack:** Really? 

 

**Hana:** I lose earbuds all the time. They’re so small. 

**Hana:** So, of course, I would lose my intercom sooner or later.

 

**Jack:** That’s why you keep it in your ear…

 

**Hana:** Still lost it.

**Hana:** So…

**Hana:** *shrugs*

 

**Jack:** Oh my god…

**Jack:** A new one is coming out of your paycheck.

 

**Hana:** Fair enough.

 

**Sombra:** Hey, I know we have to fight and everything but…

**Sombra:** Can you guys just give us the flag?

**Sombra:** We really don’t feel like fighting.

 

**Genji:** Yeah.

 

**Angela:** Sure.

 

**Fareeha:** Okay.

 

**Jesse:** Go ahead and take it.

 

**Hana:** I’ll personally hand it over.

 

**Brigitte:** GUYS?! UM WHAT??

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** Did you guys take out your intercoms?

**Jack:** Is that why no one is listening?

 

**Angela:** Yeah.

 

**Fareeha:** Yep.

 

**Jesse:** We did.

 

**Genji:** A while ago.

 

**Hana:** Lost mine.

 

**Brigitte:** I’ve been listening to Jack screaming for 20 mins for all for nothing?!

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** Guys, this mission is important. You need to protect the flag and fight Talon off.

 

**Jesse:** Real question.

**Jesse:** Who the fuck wakes up in the morning and puts all their secrets in a flag?

**Jesse:** People put it on paper, making secret documents. Some put it in a book. Some put it in a hard drive.

**Jesse:** Who the fuck puts it in a flag?

**Jesse:** We are literally playing capture the fucking flag right now?

**Jesse:** I feel embarrassed to be running around playing some stupid kid’s game.

 

**Jack:** Look.

**Jack:** Just protect the fucking flag. Please?

 

**Fareeha:** Do we really have to?

**Fareeha:** We just look ridiculous running around, waving a flag around…

 

**Widowmaker:** You think it’s fun for us?

**Widowmaker:** We’re just as embarrassed as you guys.

 

**Doomfist:** We have been shooting at each other for a flag. If I knew that this is what I’ll be doing in Talon, I would have never joined.

 

**Moira:** So can you guys just give us the flag and we can be done for the day?

 

**Angela:** Ew, no. Not to you. We are keeping the flag.

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Sombra:** God damn it, Moira. Stop ruining my plans.

 

**Moira:** Oh, sorry for ruining your brilliant plan of just asking for the flag!

 

**Sombra:** It was going to work until you had to say something.

 

**Reaper:** WILL YOU FUCKING BUFFOONS GO FIGHT AND GRAB THE FUCKING FLAG? OH MY GOD IT’S NOT THAT HARD!?

 

**Widowmaker:** Don’t want to. This mission is ridiculous.

 

**Reaper:** WE WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE ALREADY IF YOU IDIOTS TOOK THIS MISSION SERIOUSLY!

 

**Sombra:** We are playing capture the flag. What’s so serious about that?

 

**Reaper:** JUST GO GET THE FLAG!   
  


**Doomfist:** No.

 

**Reaper:** Oh my god…

 

**Ana:** Well, I see you guys are having fun.

 

**Jack:** Ana...help me. Please. Make them motivated for something.

 

**Ana:** I got six tickets to Disneyland. Whichever teams win this mission can take them and go.

 

**Fareeha:** Wtf?? How did you get Disneyland tickets?

 

**Angela:** Since when?

 

**Jesse:** Are you serious?

 

**Ana: *texts photo***

**Ana:** As real as they can be. They will be yours if you capture the flag.

 

**Genji:** Guys…

 

**Jesse:** Another trip to Disneyland?

 

**Angela:** Dear god no…

 

**Jesse:** Come on. It’ll be fun.

 

**Hana:** COME ON NOOBS LETS GO GET THAT FUCKING FLAG!

 

**Brigitte:** Since when did you get tickets, @Ana?

 

**Ana:** I won them off a radio contest recently.

**Ana:** So whichever team wins will get them.

 

**Sombra:** So if Talon wins, we can take the tickets?

 

**Ana:** Yeah.

 

**Widowmaker:** Alright, Moira. Get your shit together.

 

**Doomfist:** Focus Moira.

 

**Sombra:** You better not fail us, Moira.

 

**Moira:** Why are you guys hounding on me?

 

**Sombra:** You’re a horrible healer.

 

**Widowmaker:** The worst.

 

**Doomfist:** You really can’t heal to save our lives.

 

**Moira:** IF YOU GUYS GET INTO MY RANGE I CAN FUCKING HEAL YOU GUYS.

 

**Sombra:** Get over here for team meeting!

 

**Moira:** Okay, I’m coming.

 

**Reaper:** …

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Ana:** :)

 

**Reaper:** Was that really all it took to get them to actually complete the mission?

 

**Ana:** They are like stubborn puppies. They need treats to tempt them.

 

**Jesse:** Wow...rude.

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** BABE I LOVE YOU BUT THAT FLAG IS MINE.

 

**Sombra:** DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO BOOP ME OFF THE FUCKING CLIFF?

 

**Brigitte:** Let's not fight, girls…

 

**Hana:** BRIGITTE THE FLAG IS NEXT TO YOU, GRAB IT!

 

**Sombra:** OH HELL NO YOU ARE NOT!

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** STOP FUCKING SHOOTING ME WIDOWMAKER!

 

**Widowmaker:** What else am I supposed to do? Fucking hug you?

 

**Jesse:** I’LL GET MY DARLING TO SNIPE YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!

**Jesse:** @Hanzo

 

**Hanzo:** You called?

 

**Jesse:** SNIPE WIDOWMAKER’S HEAD FOR ME.

 

**Hanzo:** I’m all the way at the base. You guys are at Ayutthaya…

 

**Jesse:** Babe…

 

**Hanzo:** I can’t shoot an arrow that far…

 

**Genji:** Not with that attitude.

 

**Hanzo:** I’ll snipe your head off you ungrateful little shit.

 

**Genji:** I’ll live bitch.

 

**Hana:** HEY LESS TEXTING MORE FIGHTING!

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** @MOIRA, I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU. HOW DARE YOU BEAT DOWN MY BABY!

 

**Moira:** I’M DOING MY JOB!

 

**Sombra:** @Reaper, we want a new healer.

 

**Moira:** I just healed you!

 

**Widowmaker:** Why do I have three bullets in my stomach, Moira? Come fucking heal me.

 

**Moira:** You didn’t fucking ask!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** I was right next to you when I got shot…

 

**Brigitte:** She was. I’m healing her. You’re too slow.

 

**Moira:** Oh my god...

 

**Hana:** DON’T HELP AN ENEMY!

 

**Brigitte:** THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS RIDICULOUS, BABE!

 

**Sombra:** IT WON’T BE WHEN TALON GETS THOSE TICKETS!

 

XXX

 

**Genji:** @Angela I NEED HEALING!

 

**Angela:** Get into my fucking range, Genji. You do this every time…

 

**Genji:** NEED HEALING!

 

**Angela:** I AM COMING OMG!

 

**Junkrat:** Ooh, hot.

 

**Angela:** FUCK OFF JAMISON! GO WOO @SATYA!

 

**Satya:** Do not even attempt to talk to me, Jamison.

 

**Junkrat:** @Satya! HEY!

**Junkrat:** Aww come one, don’t be like that~!

 

**Genji:** NEED HEALING!!

 

**Angela:** I AM BEING ATTACKED SO GIVE ME LIKE 5 MINS!

 

**Genji:** I REALLY NEED THE HEALS!

 

**Angela:** FAREEHA JUST THREW YOU A HEALTH PACK YOU DIMWIT!!

 

**Genji:** NEED HEALING!!!!!

 

**Brigitte:** HERE IS YOUR FUCKING HEALS GENJI!

 

**Genji:** I SAID HEALS NOT ARMOR PACK!!!

 

**Brigitte:** DOES IT REALLY MATTER?!

 

**Genji:** @Angela NEED HEALS!

 

**Angela:** I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU GENJI!!!

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** It’s been three hours. How have you guys been doing this still?

 

**Jesse:** I don’t know but I can’t take it any longer.

 

**Angela:** You don’t even fucking do anything, Jesse!

**Angela:** Stop rolling off the fucking ledge!

 

**Jesse:** MAYBE YOU SHOULD HEAL BETTER!

**Jesse:** STOP POCKETING FAREEHA!

 

**Angela:** SHE ACTUALLY DOES SHIT!

 

**Jesse:** I DO SHIT!

**Jesse:** GOD YOU ARE SUCH A HORRIBLE SUPPORT. IT’S NOT HARD TO JUST FUCKING HEAL!

 

**Angela:** IT IS NOT HARD TO JUST GET INTO MY FUCKING RANGE!

 

**Jesse:** IT’S NOT HARD TO SHOVE A STAFF UP PEOPLE’S ASSES!

**Jesse:** OH WAIT THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS GET ON EVERYONE’S NERVES AND PISS PEOPLE OFF!

 

**Angela:** I WOULDN’T HAVE TO IF YOU WERE A BETTER TEAMMATE!

 

**Jesse:** BITCH I WOULD RATHER WORK WITH SYMMETRA RIGHT NOW BC YOU ARE SUCH A TRASHY SUPPORT!

 

**Angela:** That’s it…

**Angela:** @Fareeha, I’m running to you.

**Angela:** Be prepared to do that!

 

**Fareeha:** Really? Right now!?

 

**Angela:** Right now babe!

 

**Fareeha:** Alright, I’m ready!

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPEN?!

 

**Widowmaker:** What did I just see?

 

**Doomfist:** What just happen?

 

**Moira:** I got shot like 10 times guys, thanks for asking.

 

**Reaper:** What did happen?

 

**Hana:** WE’RE SURPRISED TOO HOLY SHIT!

 

**Genji:** FAREEHA JUST FUCKING YEETED ANGELA ACROSS THE FIELD!

 

**Jesse:** She just fucking flew...

 

**Brigitte:** What happened on your side?

 

**Widowmaker:** She shot us up.

 

**Sombra:** By that, she just shot Moira like ten times and gave each of us a single bullet.

 

**Moira:** Yeah...very fucking fair…

 

**Doomfist:** She has the flag guys…

 

**Sombra:** Fuck no!

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** WHY WAS FAREEHA THE ONLY ONE COVERING MY BACK YOU FUCKING IDIOTS?

 

**Hana:** We are still in shock that Fareeha actually yeeted you across the field.

 

**Genji:** It was beautiful and amazing.

 

**Angela:** YOU GUYS HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!

**Angela:** I WAS LITERALLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND SOMBRA SHOT LIKE 20 BULLETS UP MY FUCKING ASS.

**Angela:** RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BITCHES AND NONE OF YOU LIFTED A FINGER TO COVER ME!

**Angela:** YOU GUYS JUST FUCKING STOOD THERE LIKE LIFELESS SHITS!!!

 

**Brigitte:** To be fair…

**Brigitte:** I did try to shield you…

 

**Angela:** NONE OF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOUR SUPPORTS! NONE!

 

**Genji:** Angela?

 

**Angela:** WHAT?

 

**Genji:** I still need healing…

 

**Angela:** OH THAT IS IT!

 

XXX

 

**Lena:** Jesus...what happened to this chat?

 

**Angela:** Ask Jesse.

 

**Jesse:** Angela is a horrible fucking healer.

 

**Angela:** Jesse is a terrible teammate.

 

**Genji:** THIS AIN’T OVER I’LL FUCK YOU GUYS UP I AM READY!

 

**Fareeha:** Stop it. Keep it up and I will start taking my armor OFF...

 

**Angela:** Okay, I’m sorry.

 

**Jesse:** Me too, I’m sorry.

 

**Genji:** I’m really sorry…

 

**Lúcio:** Jesus…

 

**Sombra:** Boom bitches Talon is going to Disneyland!

 

**Hana:** TAKE ME WITH YOU!

 

**Sombra:** I just hacked some free Disneyland tickets so you and Brigitte can come with me.

 

**Brigitte:** Are you saying we didn’t have to fight bc, in the end, we are coming with you anyway?

 

**Sombra:** Yah :)

 

**Brigitte: …**

 

**Hana:** BAE IS DA BEST!

 

**Brigitte:** You are buying me churros.

 

**Sombra:** Alright, fair enough.

 

**Jesse:** Traitors…

 

**Reaper:** I’m not going to Disneyland. I’m tired of you imbeciles…

 

**Widowmaker:** That’s fine. I already invited someone to go with us to replace you.

 

**Sombra:** It’s Satya.

 

**Satya:** You really need to stop invading other people’s personal texts…

 

**Widowmaker:** We are going as friends.

 

**Satya:** Just friends.

 

**Angela:** The gay lie is so strong.

 

**Jesse:** So much gay lie.

 

**Genji:** The lie of the gay is strong.

 

**Fareeha:** Gayness cannot conceal the lie.

 

**Satya:** Stop it.

 

**Widowmaker:** Stop it.

 

**Hanzo:** Hey, I just won 6 tickets to Disneyland from a radio contest so if you want to come, hmu.

 

**Angela:** What kind of radio gives out so many Disneyland tickets??

 

**Jesse:** Alright, me, Angela, Fareeha, and Genji claim a ticket.

 

**Hanzo:** That leaves one more.

 

**Lena:** I want to go.

 

**Lúcio:** I’ll just use my celebrity status to get in.

 

**Hanzo:** Alright, I guess me, Jesse, Angela, Fareeha, Lena, and Genji are all going to Disneyland with my tickets.

 

**Ana:** At the end of the day, it all works out~

 

**Moira:** Wait...who remembers what happened to the flag?

 

**Reaper:** Didn’t you have it….?

 

**Moira:** No…

 

**Doomfist:** You were supposed to have it…

 

**Widowmaker:** Moira…

 

**Moira:** IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY, I AM JUST THE FUCKING HEALER.

 

**Sombra:** Here we go again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Base on true events when I was playing Overwatch one time...hint: I was the Pharah that was actually helping my Mercy in the game...
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	23. Disney Ain’t Got Time For This Bullshit

**In a private message between Hanzo and Satya**

 

**Satya:** Hey? Where is your group? We’ve been waiting for a while. Is everything okay?

 

**Hanzo:** Would you believe that Jesse accidentally put the coordinates for Disney World and not Disneyland…?

**Hanzo:** It was Fareeha that figured out that we were going the wrong way…

**Hanzo:** So we are about three-four hours away from L.A.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** Wow…

**Satya:** Alright then. Should we just go inside without you guys?

 

**Hanzo:** Yes, you should. I know how much you want to spend more time with Amélie.

 

**Satya:** As friends.

 

**Hanzo:** Satya. Are we not friends? Or close acquaintances? 

 

**Satya:** I do consider you as a friend, Hanzo.

 

**Hanzo:** Then be honest. Why did you really accept Amélie’s invitation?

 

**Satya:** I’ve never been to Disneyland and the opportunity came up so I took it.

 

**Hanzo:** Would you have said yes if Genji asked you?

 

**Satya:** No.

**Satya:** Okay, I see what you are trying to do and it isn’t going to work.

**Satya:** I don’t have any romantic feelings for Amélie. We are just going as friends. I enjoy her company and she enjoys mine.

 

**Hanzo:** I think she very much enjoys your presence.

 

**Satya:** She deals with an love idiot doctor, a punch crazy man of tall stature, an edgy grandfather, and a talking hacking machine. I think I’m the most normal person she has ever talked to.

 

**Hanzo:** She seems pretty sane dealing with those kinds of people.

 

**Satya:** Amélie has found it easier to just run off and escape from the mess. Sometimes she likes to take long bubble baths to ease the tension after dealing with her teammates all day. Her favorite scent is lavender.

 

**Hanzo:** Lavender is known to help calm people down.

 

**Satya:** She says it’s her favorite scent because it reminds her of her mother when she was a child. Her mother used to garden a lot and Amélie remembers running into the garden and smelling lavender. The scent brings back fond feelings within her.

 

**Hanzo:** I see you know a bit more about her.

 

**Satya:** We would text into the late hours of the night.

 

**Hanzo:** I see.

**Hanzo:** Just as friends?

 

**Satya:** Yeah. As friends.

**Satya:** But can I be honest with you?

**Satya:** I am sure Sombra is too busy hanging out with Hana and Brigitte right now to see what I’m texting.

 

**Hanzo:** You can be honest with me.

**Hanzo:** It’s better than dealing with what’s going on around me.

 

**Satya:** Sometimes when we text, we send each other a lot of xoxo

**Satya:** Do you think that’s a bit too much between friends?

 

**Hanzo:** No, I wouldn’t think so.

 

**Satya:** Okay. That’s good.

**Satya:** One time she took a picture of herself during a mission and sent it to me.

**Satya:** I felt weird. Her face is so perfect.

**Satya:** I saw the picture and it made me feel warm.

**Satya:** Is that normal to feel? 

**Satya:** Like I feel like we were meant to meet. Even if it was under odd circumstances.

 

**Hanzo:** May I be honest?

 

**Satya:** I only expect honesty from you.

 

**Hanzo:** You have feelings growing for Amélie.

 

**Satya:** Hmm…

**Satya:** Odd.

**Satya:** I politely disagree. I think I’m just getting use to someone that is becoming more of a friend.

**Satya:** A close friend.

 

**Hanzo:** …

**Hanzo:** Sure. If that is how you see it then so it shall be.

 

**Satya:** :)

**Satya:** Well, I hope you and your team arrive here safely.

**Satya:** I’ll see you then.

 

**Hanzo:** See you then.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Hana:** Where the fuck are you guys?

 

**Angela:** Fuckface fucked up.

 

**Jesse:** Bitchface is being a bitch.

 

**Fareeha:** Two children are being ridiculous right now.

 

**Genji:** But it was all Jesse’s fault.

 

**Jesse:** I didn’t know there was a difference between Disneyland and Disney World!

 

**Lúcio:** I should’ve joined Talon’s orca…

 

**Lena:** Sucks to suck!

**Lena:** I’m glad I brought my ticket with me.

 

**Hana:** Don’t worry buddy, we’ll have lots of fun when you get here.

 

**Lúcio:** WHEN I get there. 

**Lúcio:** Angela and Jesse keep fighting.

 

**Angela:** Fuckface is being a fucking little shit.

 

**Jesse:** Bitchface is being an annoying fucking turd.

 

**Fareeha:** I will actually spank one of you guys if you keep it up…

 

**Angela:** Yes mommy.

 

**Jesse:** Fuck no.

**Jesse:** Angela, calm your horny pants.

 

**Angela:** Fuck off.

 

 **Sombra:** Yo, hate to interrupt a possible brawl but I just saw Widowmaker and Satya holding hands.

 

**Jesse:** REALLY?

 

**Angela:** Pics or it didn’t happen!

 

**Sombra: *texts photo***

**Sombra:** Of course I would have taken a picture!

 

**Fareeha:** Wow.

**Fareeha:** They are holding hands all right.

 

**Genji:** @Widowmaker @Satya CAUGHT YOU GUYS!

 

**Widowmaker:** It’s not what it looks like.

 

**Satya:** It really isn’t.

 

**Sombra:** Nope. I have the proof, hand huggers.

 

**Hana:** OOOOOO YOU TWO ARE DATING!

 

**Lena:** SATYA AND AMÉLIE SITTING IN A TREE!

 

**Lúcio:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 

**Genji:** First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes Satya with a baby carriage.

 

**Satya:** Stop it.

**Satya:** I needed to be comforted.

 

**Fareeha:** Oh? Really~?

 

**Satya:** Not like that.

 

**Widowmaker:** Satya has a hard time adjusting and dealing with crowded places and so I offered to hold her hand to help calm her down.

 

**Doomfist:** Widowmaker being nice and considerate?

 

**Moira:** Gay.

**Moira:** That’s the only way I see it.

 

**Widowmaker:** It’s not gay to just help someone that has a harder time dealing with large crowds,

**Widowmaker:** It’s called being kind and considerate.

 

**Moira:** Not how I programmed you…

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Moira:** What?

 

**Angela:** Wow…

**Angela:** Epic fail, Moira.

 

**Sombra:** I see you two giving each other heart eyes and cradling each other’s faces.

 

**Satya:** What does that mean?

 

**Sombra:** You are looking at Widowmaker lovingly.

 

**Satya:** I’m not.

**Satya:** I was fixing her hair.

 

**Widowmaker:** She was.

 

**Jesse:** You two are really bad liars.

 

**Satya:** We’re not as bad as your aiming at the battlefield.

 

**Angela:** LMFAO WOW JESSE GOT ROASTED!

 

**Genji:** BROOOOOOOOO

**Genji:** SATYA WENT FULL BURN ON YOU.

 

**Lúcio:** OMFG THAT WAS SO HARSH.

 

**Lena:** SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIT

 

**Fareeha:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Sombra:** DAAAAAAMN!

 

**Jesse:** WELL FUCK ME ILL JUST DIG MY OWN FUCKING GRAVE THEN!

 

**Hana:** WAIT!

**Hana:** Satya, are you basically admitting that you and Widowmaker are lying about being gay for each other?

 

**Satya:** I only said that to humor your unintelligent minds.

**Satya:** Widowmaker and I do not have romantic feelings for each other.

 

**Widowmaker:** I second it.

 

**Sombra:** Hmm…

**Sombra:** Sure.

 

**Hana:** Woah babe you going to just leave it like that!?

 

**Sombra:** ;)

 

**Satya:** ?

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Reaper and Widowmaker**

 

**Widowmaker:** I need a second opinion from one emotionless husk to the other?

 

**Reaper:** What is it?

 

**Widowmaker:** I keep getting a sharp warm feeling near my heart and sometimes it travels down to my entire chest. Do you ever get that too?

 

**Reaper:** I do. When I think of Morrison.

 

**Widowmaker:** What does that mean?

 

**Reaper:** I love that stupid old man.

 

**Widowmaker:** ?

 

**Reaper:** You gay for Satya.

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m not though.

 

**Reaper:** That’s what I said years ago.

 

**Widowmaker:** So I’m going to end up as an old woman cursing Satya to death?

 

**Reaper:** Yeah close enough.

 

**Widowmaker:** You are no help.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat  “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Lúcio:** We are finally here!

 

**Hana:** Thank fuck. Come by the Ferris Wheel now.

 

**Angela:** Don’t tell me you guys are spying on them?

 

**Hana:** We’re not.

 

**Brigitte:** We are. We are spying on Satya and Widowmaker on the Ferris Wheel.

 

**Sombra:** I didn’t buy you churros for you to snitch us out…

 

**Brigitte:** *shrugs*

 

**Widowmaker:** Really?

**Widowmaker:** Go away…

 

**Hana:** No.

 

**Widowmaker:** ...

 

**Sombra:** DID YOU JUST TRY TO SHOOT US!?

**Sombra:** WTF WIDOWMAKER! YOU BROUGHT YOUR RIFLE?!

 

**Widowmaker:** So what if I did?

 

**Sombra:** YOU WERE GOING TO SNIPE MY BABY’S HEAD OFF AT DISNEYLAND?!

 

**Widowmaker:** If that’s what it takes to get you guys to mind your own business.

 

**Angela:** From this point on, you do not know me and Fareeha. So if you kill someone, we don’t know you.

 

**Jesse:** Wow, what about us?

 

**Genji:** We had nothing to do with this.

 

**Fareeha:** You guys are on your own.

 

**Angela:** Get sniped bitch.

 

**Jesse:** Fuck you.

 

**Moira:** How did you bring your rifle into Disneyland…?

 

**Widowmaker:** Don’t question it.

 

**Moira:** But….I do need to question it…

 

**Doomfist:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WIDOWMAKER I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO MOIRA!!! DON’T HIT ME!

 

**Lena:** We are going to get kicked out...huh?

 

**Hanzo:** What a record…

 

**Hana:** It’s because of Widowmaker…

**Hana:** STOP SNIPING ME YOUR AIM IS HORRIBLE!

 

**Widowmaker:** Not as bad as your ‘nerf’ placements on missions.

 

**Hana:** IT WAS ONE TIME THAT I ACCIDENTALLY MISSED AND THREW MY MEKA OVER THE LEDGE!! 

 

**Brigitte:** It was actually five times and 3 times you missed the enemy team completely…

 

**Hana:** ...babe….

 

**Brigitte:** I didn’t appreciate being trapped with your ‘nerfs’ in that room, Hana.

 

**Hana:** I said I’m sorry…

 

**Brigitte:** Love you~

 

**Hana:** <3

 

**Sombra:** GAAAAY

 

**Hana:** …

 

**Brigitte:** …

**Brigitte:** You’re not wrong.

 

**Angela:** Yeah...we are leaving. I just saw security heading towards Widowmaker’s area…

 

**Widowmaker:** Worth it.

 

**Sombra:** It really isn’t…

 

XXX

 

**Satya:** May one of you guys bail us out?

 

**Hana:** Why are you in jail?

 

**Satya:** I was with Widowmaker when they arrested her so they assumed I was her accomplice.

 

**Lena:** You sound pretty...calm about that...

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela:** I never thought I would have to bail Satya out of jail…

 

**Jesse:** I never thought Satya could roast me.

 

**Sombra:** Leave them in there. Let them sort of their feelings.

 

**Widowmaker:** We don’t have feelings for each other.

 

**Satya:** We don’t.

 

**Hanzo:** …

**Hanzo:** Sure.

 

**Widowmaker:** I regard Satya as someone who understands me and is on par with my intellect level. She makes me feel more alive than when I get perfect headshots.

 

**Satya:** I also regard Amélie as someone who can interact with me on the same level and I feel that she truly understands my reality.

 

**Moira:** Gay.

 

**Widowmaker:** Shut up.

 

**Satya:** Silence.

 

**Junkrat:** Woah woah woah! How come no one told me that my woman has cahoots with purple lady? Why am I learning this now?

 

**Angela:** …

 

**Fareeha:** …

 

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Hana:** ….

 

**Sombra:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Lena:** …

 

**Doomfist:** …

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Hana:** YOU JUST REALIZE THIS NOW?!

 

**Junkrat:** YEAH!

 

**Satya:** Oh my goodness…

 

**Widowmaker:** Why can’t we have a normal event…?

 

**Hana:** YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO READ THAT FROM!

 

**Junkrat:** Alright Widowfucker! Square up! Lets fight!

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Junkrat:** You can’t say no!

 

**Widowmaker:** I just did.

 

**Junkrat:** WELL YOU CAN’T!

 

**Widowmaker:** Read the next text carefully.

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Junkrat:** YOU CAN’T FEEL ANYWAYS!

 

**Sombra:** Not from the texts I’ve been investigating into.

 

**Satya:** Can you just respect our privacies for 10 mins?

 

**Sombra:** No.

 

**Widowmaker:** Hey, that’s my word.

 

**Sombra:** You didn’t trademark it.

 

**Widowmaker:** If I had my rifle, I would have sniped your damn head off.

 

**Hana:** Please don’t…

 

**Brigitte:** Hey, hate to ruin the love story here but Genji and Jesse just beated up Gaston.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** Cool.

 

**Hanzo:** NOT COOL.

 

**Jesse:** Just putting it out there! I was defending Angela’s pride when he catcalled her.

 

**Fareeha:** You weren’t…

**Fareeha:** You got mad that Gaston made fun of your outfit…

 

**Jesse:** Dumb fucker he was….

 

**Angela:** Don’t use me to make yourself look better…

 

**Genji:** I always got my bro’s back.

 

**Jesse:** *most of the time…

 

**Hana:** Are you guys getting arrested?

 

**Jesse:** Maybe…

 

**Hanzo:** Did you just dipped off without my brother?

 

**Jesse:** Yes.

 

**Hanzo:** I love you.

 

**Jesse:** I love you too.

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela:** After this, Overwatch and Talon will be banned from all amusement parks…

 

XXX

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU JESSE! YOU FUCKING LEFT ME ALONE YOU FUCKING SHIT!!!

 

**Jesse:** lol oops

 

**Genji:** WHERE THE FUCK DID SATYA AND WIDOWMAKER GO? I THOUGHT THEY GOT THROWN IN JAIL TOO!?

 

**Angela:** We bailed them out and we are getting back on the orca.

 

**Genji:** WHAT ABOUT ME?!

 

**Angela:** What about you?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, Genji. You did beat up Gaston.

 

**Genji:** YOU DID IT FIRST!

 

**Sombra:** I GOT IT! I GOT IT!!!

**Sombra: *texts photo***

 

**Hana:** WOOOOOO

 

**Lena:** AW HELL YAH!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Congrats!

 

**Angela:** Awww

 

**Jesse:** That’s cute.

 

**Lúcio:** Meh. Cool.

 

**Moira:** Finally…

 

**Doomfist:** So...should we just recruit Satya to Talon?

 

**Widowmaker:** Sombra…

**Widowmaker:** I thought I tied you up and threw you on the orca...

 

**Sombra:** I got help.

 

**Brigitte:** What’s good? :)

 

**Satya:** We were not kissing.

**Satya:** I was trying to whisper something to Amélie.

 

**Angela:** I’m pretty sure lips don’t make contact when you whisper to someone else.

 

**Fareeha:** Or hands digging into each other’s hair.

 

**Jesse:** Or that particular hand on Widowmaker’s ass.

 

**Hanzo:** You’re busted, Satya.

 

**Satya:** I really hate you all.

 

**Brigitte:** Can you guys get on the Overwatch orca? I see security running towards us…

 

**Junkrat:** Dang…

**Junkrat:** That’s actually hot.

 

**Satya:** Shut up.

 

**Widowmaker:** Shut up.

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** What the fuck happened to this chat?

 

**Fareeha:** Nothing.

 

**Angela:** Nothing at all.

 

**Jesse:** Don’t look too deep into it.

 

**Hana:** Just teammates bonding together.

 

**Lena:** all peace and quiet.

 

**Lúcio:** All good things. All good things.

 

**Genji:** I AM STILL STUCK HERE IN JAIL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...well...Disneyland has seen better days...
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	24. Royal Flush

**Sombra:** @Reaper GET OUT OF THE FUCKING BATHROOM OR IMMA EXPLODE!!

 

**Reaper:** I FUCKING TOLD YOU!!

**Reaper:** 10 FUCKING MORE MINUTES!

 

**Widowmaker:** You said that 10 mins ago…

 

**Reaper:** I’LL BE DONE WHEN I AM FINISHED!

 

**Sombra:** REAPER PLEASE I REALLY HAVE TO GO!!!

 

**Reaper:** YOU CAN HOLD IT FOR 10 MINS!

 

**Sombra:** I DRANK 5 CUPS OF COFFEE BITCH JUST LET ME USE THE TOILET!

 

**Reaper:** NO JUST WAIT!

 

**Doomfist:** Want me to break the door down?

 

**Sombra:** PLEASE I REALLY NEED TO PEE!!!

 

**Reaper:** WE ONLY HAVE ONE WORKING BATHROOM SO LET’S KEEP IT LIKE THAT!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** I wonder who’s fault that is…

 

**Moira:** Okay, I’ll admit it was mine.

 

**Doomfist:** Did you really have to ‘try’ a new way to unclog the pipes?

 

**Moira:** I was being helpful!

 

**Doomfist:** YOU BROKE ALL OF OUR TOILETS!!!

 

**Moira:** I tried to save us money from getting us a plumber.

 

**Reaper:** FIXING THE ENTIRE PIPELINES IS TRIPLE THE AMOUNT OF JUST CALLING FOR ONE PLUMBER!

 

**Moira:** Why did you guys trust me?

 

**Widowmaker:** Touché.

 

**Sombra:** REAPER HURRY UP!

 

**Reaper:** THE MORE YOU RUSH ME THE SLOWER I’LL BE!

 

**Widowmaker:** Hurry up. I need to do my makeup.

 

**Sombra:** AFTER ME!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** No, I also need to go so I’ll snipe your head off to go first.

 

**Sombra:** YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Die mad about it.

 

**Sombra:** DON’T TEST ME!

 

**Reaper:** WHY IS THE SINK FILLING UP WITH MUCK!?

**Reaper:** MOIRA DID YOU MESS AROUND WITH THE PIPES AGAIN?

 

**Moira:** Oh wow. Yeah. Blame me again…

**Moira:** No, I haven’t touched the pipes. I’m busy watching One Piece.

 

**Doomfist:** Sorry, that was me. I was trying to see if I can tinker with it.

 

**Reaper:** That’s okay. You tried.

 

**Sombra:** Really appreciate the effort, buddy.

 

**Widowmaker:** Thank you for trying. 

 

**Doomfist:** :)

 

**Moira:** Oh, so when Doomfist tries, you guys praise him? When I try to help you ungrateful brats, it’s all my fault?

 

**Sombra:** Yeah.

 

**Widowmaker:** Yes.

 

**Reaper:** Exactly.

 

**Doomfist:** Correct.

 

**Moira:** Sigh…

 

**Sombra:** REAPER HURRY UP!!!

 

**Reaper:** WHY WOULD YOU DRINK 5 CUPS OF COFFEE!?

 

**Sombra:** TO STAY UP FOR MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE A GOOD AND SUPPORTIVE WOMAN I AM!

 

**Widowmaker:** Ew. Love makes people do stupid things…

 

**Sombra:** HEY EVERYONE! WIDOWMAKER MADE A FUCKING NEW HALLOWEEN COSTUME FOR SATYA AND SHE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO MAKE IT.

 

**Widowmaker:** You little imbecile…

**Widowmaker:** I only did it because we are friends.

 

**Sombra:** …

**Sombra:** Denial, much?

 

**Doomfist:** You make costumes?

**Doomfist:** Are you telling me I could have gone to you instead of being turned into a fish?

 

**Widowmaker:** I guess.

 

**Doomfist:** Oh my god...I wish you told me…

 

**Widowmaker:** Why would you even ask Moira in the first place?

 

**Doomfist:** You’re right. It was my fault.

 

**Sombra:** IT HAS BEEN 20 MINS REAPER!!! GET THE FUCK OUT!

 

**Reaper:** TEN MORE MINUTES!!!

 

**Sombra:** YOU SAID THAT 20 MINS AGO!!!

 

**Reaper:** GO PISS IN THE BACK OR SOMETHING!

 

**Sombra:** I AM NOT A FUCKING DOG, ASSHOLE!

**Sombra:** FUCK IT!

**Sombra:** I AM GOING TO OVERWATCH TO USE THEIR BATHROOM SO GOOD FUCKING BYE!

 

**Reaper:** BYE!

 

**Jesse:** Aw no wait, we want to see more drama.

 

**Sombra:** Did you guys put the chat on the big screen again?

 

**Genji:** And eating popcorn too.

 

**Hana:** HUH?

**Hana:** I JUST WOKE UP!

**Hana:** YA’LL WERE GOING TO LET MY BABY SUFFER LIKE THAT?

**Hana:** BABE COME HERE YOU POOR THING!

 

**Sombra:** AT LEAST SOMEONE CARES AROUND HERE!

 

**Brigitte:** Can I just come over and fix the pipes for you? Please? It’s bothering me now.

 

**Doomfist:** YES!

 

**Moira:** Please come.

 

**Sombra:** PLEASE DO!

 

**Moira:** Do you guys mind if I come over to Overwatch? I need to use the bathroom too.

 

**Angela:** No. You are not allowed to use our toilets. 

 

**Moira:** You can’t stop me…

 

**Angela:** Would you like to fight a six feet tall woman?

 

**Jesse:** Fareeha’s 5’11’’

 

**Fareeha:** I can still flip you on your back.

 

**Lena:** SHE CAN!

 

**Hammond:** Is this...normal human behavior?

 

**Reaper:** Hey, just throw the hamster into the pipeline and he can fix it.

 

**Hana:** YOU ARE NOT THROWING MY SON INTO THE PIPES!!!!

 

**Hammond:** I don’t mind. I may be able to fix Talon’s problem.

 

**Widowmaker:** We have more problems than broken pipes at Talon so don’t bother coming. You’ll be stuck here fixing forever.

 

**Reaper:** IT WOULD BE HELPFUL IF YOU WOULD DONATE SOME MONEY TO TALON SO WE CAN UPGRADE OUR SHIT.

 

**Widowmaker:** I got a 19-year-old kid to take care of and her 14-year old hamster son now so...no.

 

**Angela:** UM?

**Angela:** You don’t do shit?? I do all the work here for them????

 

**Widowmaker:** Isn’t that what a maid does?

 

**Angela:** Oh fuck you…

 

**Fareeha:** HEY

**Fareeha:** I will fight you, Widowmaker.

 

**Satya:** Please do not engage in violent activities with Amelié.

 

**Lena:** Aw, bae protecting the bae.

 

**Satya:** We aren’t in a relationship.

 

**Widowmaker:** We aren’t in a relationship.

 

**Lena:** …

**Lena:** You guys were kissing at Disneyland…

 

**Satya:** We were whispering.

 

**Widowmaker:** We were whispering.

 

**Sombra: *texts photo***

**Sombra:** And dirty talking.

 

**Satya:** Stop going through our texts…

 

**Widowmaker:** You are lucky you left or I would have chased you down and sniped your head off.

 

**Hammond:** I’m still willing to come by and help.

 

**Hana:** No. You’re my snuggle buddy.

**Hana:** You’re not leaving.

 

**Brigitte:** I’ll go.

 

**Hana:** You’re my other snuggle buddy. You can’t leave either.

 

**Brigitte:** Welp. I guess I’m out...sorry Talon.

 

**Sombra:** I’m like 5 mins away so you have a third snuggle buddy heading your way.

 

**Hana:** YYAAAY!!!

 

**Moira:** Can I please just come by and use your toilet?

 

**Angela:** Sure. We have a nice grassy area just for you.

 

**Moira:** I’ll fucking barge into your medical bay and use your toilet….

 

**Fareeha:** Sure. Come by. I’m ready to fight you.

 

**Moira:** Fuck this. I’ll go to fucking Starbucks.

 

**Widowmaker:** Can you get me a white chocolate mocha?

 

**Moira:** Sure.

 

**Reaper:** Can I get an Americano?

 

**Moira:** WHEN ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THE BATHROOM?

 

**Reaper:** When I’m finished.

 

**Doomfist:** What are you doing in there?!

 

**Reaper:** I’m just finishing up my outfit so be patient.

 

**Doomfist:** It doesn’t take you fucking 3 hours to put on an outfit.

 

**Widowmaker:** Akande, just break the door down. I’ll pay for any damages.

 

**Doomfist:** Alright!

 

**Reaper:** NO!! STOP!!!

 

XXX

 

**Doomfist:** @Jack, you are fucking weird...

 

**Jack:** IF YOU GUYS WAITED 10 MORE MINUTES THEN YOU GUYS CAN HAVE THE BATHROOM!

**Jack:** IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

 

**Hana:** ...I don’t want to know what happened.

 

**Doomfist:** Reaper was trying on different corsets for Jack on Facetime…

 

**Sombra:** I KNEW HE DIDN’T GET THOSE CURVES NATURALLY!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** No man has curves that dip that inward so well…

 

**Reaper:** WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS BE PATIENT?!

 

**Sombra:** Gabe, you don’t want a man that only wants you for your curves.

 

**Jack:** I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!

 

**Ana:** …

**Ana:** What the fuck did I just read?

 

**Reinhardt:** …

 

**Torbjӧrn:** …

 

**Jack:** OH NOW YOU GUYS GET ON THE CHAT!

 

**Jesse:** This is just weird to read.

 

**Angela:** I want to burn my eyes out…

 

**Fareeha:** I want to puke.

 

**Ana:** Okay, you kids are weak...

 

**Genji:** WAIT A MINUTE SOMBRA!!!

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, what’s up?

 

**Genji:** I JUST SAW YOU NEXT TO HANA!

 

**Sombra:** Yeah? I got here like 15 mins ago, what do you want?

 

**Genji:** I JUST REALIZED! YOU’RE SHORTER THAN HANA?!

 

**Sombra:** No, I’m taller.

 

**Hana:** Yeah, I’m taller.

 

**Sombra:** Wait no, you’re not.

 

**Brigitte:** No, Hana’s taller.

 

**Sombra:** No, Brigitte! I’m taller! Come out and see for yourself!!

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re pretty short, Sombra.

 

**Moira:** Everyone is taller than you.

 

**Sombra:** I’m taller than Lena, Lúcio, Mei, and Torbjӧrn!

 

**Angela:** You’re shorter than Hana though. I can tell when you two stand next to each other.

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, Hana has always been taller than Sombra.

 

**Sombra:** She’s not…

 

**Satya:** She is. Hana is one inch taller than you.

 

**Sombra:** Go suck Widowmaker’s lips off.

 

**Widowmaker:** Hey, don’t be rude to my friend.

 

**Lena:** Gay…

 

**Widowmaker:** Shut up.

 

**Satya:** Shut up.

 

**Sombra:** Alright, I need everyone to come out and see for themselves! I am taller than Hana!

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** REALLY? YOU ARE THAT PETTY THAT YOU RUIN OUR PIPELINES?!

 

**Jesse:** ARE YOU KIDDING, SOMBRA? ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU’RE SHORTER THAN HANA?!

 

**Sombra:** I AM NOT SHORTER THAN HANA! I AM TALLER!

 

**Hana:** Babe, just come back. This isn’t a big deal.

 

**Fareeha:** SHE JUST BROKE ALL OF OUR TOILETS SHE IS NOT COMING BACK!!

 

**Brigitte:** Sombra, you’re a fun size and easy to cuddle with. Come back!

 

**Lena:** SHE BROKE OUR TOILETS!!!!!

 

**Sombra:** I’ll come back if we admit that I’m at least the same height as Hana…

 

**Hana:** Deal.

 

**Brigitte:** Deal.

 

**Jack:** SHE BROKE OUR FUCKING PIPES AND TOILETS!!!

 

**Moira:** Wow. Today has been quite a ‘flush’!

 

**Genji:** What?

 

**Jesse:** Wtf?

 

**Angela:** Shut up.

 

**Jack:** Were you trying to make a pun?

 

**Fareeha:** That was horrible.

 

**Widowmaker:** The worst.

 

**Doomfist:** Really bad attempt…

 

**Reaper:** God, Moira….that was really bad…

 

**Hana:** That was just shitty.

 

**Sombra:** See, that was a better pun.

 

**Brigitte:** Much better. It makes sense.

 

**Widowmaker:** Much much better than yours.

  
**Moira:** WHATEVER! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. When you have a bunch of people living on the same base, the toilet problem is bound to happen...
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	25. Forks and Knives

**Yuna:** Yo, Overwatch. We have some questions for you guys.

 

**Jesse:** Holy shit...you guys are still on the chat?

 

**Kyung-Soo:** We never left.

 

**Jae-Eun:** We actually have a job in protecting Korea.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** We’ve been busy.

 

**Hana:** Hey guys what’s up? Meet my adopted son @Hammond

 

**Hammond:** Hello MEKA squad!

 

**Yuna:** …

 

**Kyung-Soo:** …

 

**Seung-Hwa:** …

 

**Jae-Eun:** …

 

**Genji:** A lot has happened since the last time you guys were in this chat.

 

**Angela:** Did you guys know that @Widowmaker is Hana’s sugar mommy?

 

**Yuna:** …

 

**Kyung-Soo:** …

 

**Seung-Hwa:** …

 

**Jae-Eun:** …

 

**Angela:** You guys didn’t know?

 

**Yuna:** Again, we are actually too busy to look at the chat all the time...

 

**Hana:** Surprise!

 

**Yuna:** What the fuck have you been doing at Overwatch!?

**Yuna:** You have two girlfriends, a sugar mother, and an adopted son?!

**Yuna:** Where do I send an application to Overwatch?

 

**Kyung-Soo:** YUNA!?

 

**Jae-Eun:** Yuna what the fuck?!

 

**Yuna:** Hana is living a life that’s so much more lavish than here. I’m sick and tired with living with just men all the time.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Rude. We aren’t that bad…

 

**Yuna:** YOU FUCKING STUCK PINS IN MY BRA LAST WEEK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!

**Yuna:** I DID NOT NEED A FUCKING NIPPLE PIERCING WHEN I PUT MY BRA ON!

 

**Seung-Hwa:** YOU PUT WASABI IN MY FACE LOTION BITCH!

**Seung-Hwa:** I HAD DRY EYES FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK!

**Seung- Hwa:** I WAS TERRIFIED THAT I WOULD GO BLIND!

 

**Jae-Eun:** Okay, but you also replaced Yuna’s shampoo with bleach.

 

**Yuna:** THAT WAS YOU?!

**Yuna:** I SHOVED DAE-HYUN INTO THE LOCKER AND LEFT HIM IN THERE ALL NIGHT WITH KYUNG-SOO’S SOGGY SOCKS BC I THOUGHT IT WAS HIM!

 

**Seung-Hwa:** LMAO THAT WAS HILARIOUS

 

**Hana:** Damn….guys you need to stop involving Dae-Hyun in your prank wars.

 

**Yuna:** Maybe Dae-Hyun needs to stop making it easy to punish him.

 

**Jae-Eun:** It’s too easy.

**Jae-Eun:** Last month, I tricked Dae-Hyun into putting himself as a target practice for me.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** He almost lost his head because of you…

 

**Jae-Eun:** But my aim got better!

 

**Genji:** How have you guys haven’t killed each other yet?

 

**Yuna:** Don’t tempt me…

 

**Jae-Eun:** …

 

**Seung-Hwa:** …

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Well this turned dark all of a sudden…

 

**Hana:** When does Yuna NOT turn a situation dark…?

 

**Jae-Eun:** That’s true.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** That’s our Yuna.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Yo, @Talon. Need a tank? Yuna might fit with you guys!

 

**Reaper:** No more girls. We want a male tank. 

 

**Doomfist:** It’s already hard enough dealing with three women on the base.

 

**Moira:** Thanks assholes.

 

**Widowmaker:** Okay but who spends more time in the bathroom more than us three combined? 

 

**Doomfist:** Reaper…

 

**Reaper:** … 

 

**Widowmaker:** Thought so.

 

**Sombra:** We could have had the hamster but nooooo he wanted to stay in Overwatch…

 

**Yuna:** Hamster?

 

**Kyung-Soo:** What hamster?

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Since when did you guys got a hamster?

 

**Jae-Eun:** lol wtf?

 

**Hammond:** It’s me!

 

**Yuna:** …

 

**Kyung-Soo:** …

 

**Seung-Hwa:** …

 

**Jae-Eun:** …

 

**Hana:** Yeah, Hammond is a hamster and my adopted son.

 

**Jae-Eun:** So where do I send my application to Overwatch?

 

**Seung-Hwa:** How fast will the processing be?

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Is there an application fee?

 

**Yuna:** Dae-Hyun can protect Korea by himself, right?

 

**Genji:** LMAO

**Genji:** No, you guys can’t join Overwatch.

 

**Yuna:** Do you have authority?

 

**Genji:** Yes, I do!

 

**Jesse:** No, he doesn’t.

 

**Angela:** None at all.

 

**Fareeha:** He’s the bottom of the hierarchical tier here and that’s including Talon.

 

**Lena:** Rock bottom.

 

**Lúcio:** He barely even makes it into the tiers.

 

**Hanzo:** Barely.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU GUYS GO SCREW YOURSELVES!

 

**Angela:** If it makes you feel better, Moira is below you.

 

**Genji:** Oh that’s good then.

 

**Moira:** Angela, go fuck yourself…

 

**Angela:** Now why would I do that when my fiancée is here to do that for me?

 

**Jesse:** LMFAO!!!

 

**Genji:** STOP STOP HAHAHA!

 

**Fareeha:** ;)

 

**Yuna:** Oh? You two got engaged?

**Yuna:** Congrats.

 

**Angela:** Thanks~

 

**Jae-Eun:** Damn…

**Jae-Eun:** You are one lucky woman, Fareeha.

 

**Fareeha:** I know I am.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** When’s the big day?

 

**Angela:** I would prefer it to be the day Moira disappears off the face of the Earth and existence but we are planning it to be during the winter.

 

**Ana:** Your obsessive hatred towards Moira is kinda terrifying and insane…

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah.

**Fareeha:** Isn’t it hot?

 

**Angela:** ;)

 

**Moira:** Ugh, you two make me puke.

 

**Angela:** Good.

 

**Sombra:** Moira, if it makes you feel better, Talon was thinking of upgrading your room for good behavior.

 

**Moira:** FUCKING FINALLY!! YES!!

 

**Yuna:** Why do you hate Moira so much?

 

**Angela:** Honey, give me your Gmail and I’ll share you a document of an entire essay I wrote on that exact question.

 

**Hana:** It’s 1225 pages and counting…

 

**Jesse:** She’s been writing it for ages…

 

**Ana:** She’s been writing it since after Blackwatch days….

 

**Yuna:** No, I’m good.Thanks…

 

**Angela:** You sure?

 

**Moira:** She’s sure…

 

**Brigitte:** I’m genuinely concerned for Angela’s sanity…

 

**Fareeha:** Don’t worry. She meditates with Zenyatta and it’s honestly a lot healthier for her to write out her thoughts instead of planning them out.

**Fareeha:** Trust me.

 

**Moira:** Oh man, feeling so much better…...

 

**Genji:** I just remembered! My master told me that he requested Angela to say one nice thing to Moira everytime they interact on chat. 

 

**Angela:** Genji, what the fuck? Why would you reveal that?

 

**Moira:** Oh?

 

**Genji:** Do it, Angela. Listen to my master. You don’t want to disappoint him.

 

**Angela:** This is because I took your balls away, huh?

 

**Genji:** No shit, Sherlock.

 

**Angela:** Babe…

 

**Fareeha:** I’m sorry, honey. You know that nobody likes disappointing Zenyatta…

 

**Moira:** I’m waiting~

 

**Sombra:** I’m ready to screenshot this.

 

**Hana:** Go on, Angela. Go on.

 

**Jesse:** Do it, bitch.

 

**Angela:** Moira, I respect the fact that you’re almost 50 years old yet you look like you are 30. 

 

**Genji:** Moira?

 

**Moira:** I’ll take it. That’s the nicest thing she has ever said to me.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Well, that was heartwarming.

 

**Yuna:** Yuck.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Yuna stop being such a mood pooper.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Hahaha, that’s Yuna for you!

 

**Hana:** That’s true.

**Hana:** By the way, Yuna you said that you guys had questions for Overwatch?

 

**Yuna:** Oh yeah, we did.

**Yuna:** When you eat with a fork and a knife, do you have to use both of them or can you use one of them?

 

**Jesse:** What?

 

**Jae-Eun:** We have no clue how fork and knives etiquette work…

 

**Angela:** You don’t need to use a knife all the time if the meal doesn’t really demand it.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** So would you need a knife for spaghetti?

 

**Genji:** Sure.

 

**Jesse:** No.

 

**Genji:** You can.

 

**Jesse:** No one cuts their spaghetti.

 

**Genji:** I do.

 

**Hanzo:** Dishonor.

 

**Genji:** I choked on my spaghetti once and I prefer not to do that again…

 

**Fareeha:** You shove a whole ball of noodles down your throat...maybe that’s why…

 

**Angela:** What’s with you and balls, Genji?

 

**Genji:** OH JEEZ DOC MAYBE I MISS HAVING FUCKING BALLS!

 

**Ana:** Didn’t Winston say that using that word is banned and subjected to 75 hours of community service?

 

**Hana:** You think Winston actually upholds those stupid new rules when he holes up in his lab, eating peanut butter?

 

**Ana:** Touché.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Okay, another question. Do you use a fork and a knife for a burger?

 

**Jesse:** No.

 

**Angela:** Yes, you can.

 

**Jesse:** Angela what the fuck?

 

**Angela:** What? You can eat it with fork and knives. I do that for my pizza too.

 

**Jesse:** Fareeha, you are marrying this uncultured swine?

 

**Angela:** Rude.

 

**Fareeha:** She can eat how she wants to eat as long as she fucking gets to eat, Jesse.

**Fareeha:** This woman will go through days without eating properly.

 

**Hana:** Wait...that’s not how you eat pizza and burgers?

 

**Jesse:** WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING HANA!?

 

**Angela:** Basic manners, fuckface.

 

**Widowmaker:** No, you’re teaching her how to look like a snobby idiot.

 

**Hana:** WHY HAVE @LENA AND @LÚCIO NEVER CORRECTED ME ON THIS!?

 

**Lena:** We thought that’s how you wanted to eat it…

 

**Lúcio:** Yeah...we don’t shame someone for how they eat…

 

**Sombra:** True.

 

**Brigitte:** Wise words.

 

**Angela:** See Jesse?! Fuck off!

 

**Jesse:** I am taking your forks and knives away, Angela. You need to eat finger foods like the way it is meant to be eaten.

 

**Angela:** DON’T YOU DARE! MOST OF MY UTENSILS BELONG TO MY PARENTS! IT IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE OF THEM!

 

**Jesse:** THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU EAT WITH THEM ALL THE TIME!

 

**Angela:** JESSE DON’T YOU DARE I HEAR YOU RUNNING!

**Angela:** JESSE NO!

**Angela:** JESSE FUCKING MCCREE I WILL MURDER YOU IF YOU TOUCH MY UTENSILS!

**Angela:** JESSE!!

 

XXX

 

**Ana:** So…

**Ana:** Nobody is going to break them up?

 

**Hana:** No, I don’t have a death wish.

 

**Lena:** They’ll be fine.

 

**Fareeha:** The worst thing that can happen is that Jesse will lose another limb.

 

**Yuna:** That’s not good…

 

**Fareeha:** I said it can be the worst. That’s just an extreme possible outcome.

 

**Hanzo:** I would try and break it up but Angela actually scares me.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Why would the cowboy, knowing most people won’t mess with the doctor, start a fight with her?

 

**Ana:** Jesse isn’t the brightest of the bunch.

 

**Reaper:** That is too accurate.

 

**Jack:** It’s a miracle he is even still around with how dumb he can be…

 

**Jae-Eun:** Hanzo, what do you even see in Jesse?

 

**Hanzo:** This may be hard to believe but Jesse has a way with words and romance.

 

**Genji:** Or you’re blind in love.

 

**Hanzo:** Yeah, maybe I am. At least someone loves me, unlike your pathetic love life.

 

**Fareeha:** Shit! Hanzo is fighting back!

 

**Genji:** WELP FUCK ME I GUESS!

 

**Hanzo:** That’s the only way you will get laid.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Hana:** LMFAO HAHAHAHA

 

**Lena:** I’m dying omg!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Never stop being you, Genji.

 

**Genji:** FUCK OFF!

 

**Seung-Hwa:** God I missed this chat.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** You guys are a riot!

 

**Genji:** GLAD I CAN BE SOME SOURCE OF FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT FOR YOU GUYS!

 

**Yuna:** That’s great and all.

**Yuna:** But we are still confused on the fork and knife etiquette.

 

**Moira:** Eat the food the way you want to eat it. It’ll all turn to shit in the end.

 

**Widowmaker:** That’s literally the smartest thing you have ever said since you joined Talon…

 

**Reaper:** Angela’s compliment made you smart?

 

**Sombra:** Never thought I would see this day...

 

**Doomfist:** I guess the impossible can become the possible.

 

**Moira:** Fuck you all!

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** @Brigitte @Lúcio @Ana I need healing…

 

**Angela:** No one heals Jesse.

 

**Brigitte:** You heard the doc, Jesse.

 

**Lúcio:** Doctor’s orders.

 

**Ana:** I’m just too lazy to come heal you.

 

**Jesse:** @Moira?

 

**Moira:** Do I look like I have a death wish?

 

**Jesse:** Don’t you have one when you text in this chat in general, knowing Angela is ready to shut you down?

 

**Moira:** Maybe it gets me off.

 

**Sombra:** Ew…

 

**Widowmaker:** ...Stop.

 

**Fareeha:** Please...

 

**Angela:** That’s the only thing you will get off from me so enjoy it you ungrateful little shit.

 

**Moira:** Sweet.

 

**Jesse:** I still need healing…

 

**Genji:** Ask for one of my master’s balls.

 

**Jesse:** DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO PUT IT LIKE THAT?!

**Jesse:** I PREFER IF YOU CALL THEM ORBS!

 

**Genji:** BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS 

 

XXX

 

**_[Genji Shimada has been assigned 75 hours of being Zarya’s personal workout machine for saying the banned word ‘balls’. Yeah, unfair that some of you guys said it and he gets punished for it when he says it. Well, he’s a fucking idiot to test my rules. Whatever, I don’t care anymore. These guys are really fucking insane. Stop being fucking weird fucks. God, I hate what they have become, Athena. If I knew this is what they will be like, I would have never initiated the recall. The moment they added Roadhog and Junkrat into Overwatch, everything just went to shit. Now Overwatch has a doctor that needs therapy and anger management classes while being engaged to Ana Amari’s actually sane daughter. What does Fareeha see in that stereotypical Swiss woman? That eye tattoo must have caused some blindness in her eye to not see how insane that woman is.Then there’s Jesse fucking McCree that has a bird brain and is somehow dating the renown Hanzo Shimada. Why the fuck does Hanzo date that idiot? Is his honor that low to date that cowboy? For fuck sake, they are the older agents and they set such a horrible example for the younger agents. Hana was a respected agent that Korea honored and now she’s dating a Talon enemy that thinks she’s tall, Torb’s daughter that is actually smart enough to not involve herself in Overwatch drama, and adopted my best friend as her own. She took my own best friend away from me. The nerve! She has everything she wanted! Everyone spoils her so much. Meanwhile, I’m behind my desk trying to keep Overwatch from falling to the brink of destruction and no one even asks me how I am. They are like, “Where’s Winston?”, “Winston texted, oh wow!”, “Winston is never on his phone!” No one ask, “How are you, Winston?”, “Are you well, Winston?”, or “Thank you for recalling Overwatch, Winston. I would have never found my true love if you didn’t initiated the recall”. Oh, Athena, don’t get me started with the other agents. They even corrupted Satya. The only other agent that I thought was sane on this base and she’s getting wooed by Talon’s heartless assassin. Why, Satya? Why do you give in? Ugh, it’s not as worse as the Talon agents even being in this chat. Jack dates Gabe and no one bats an eyelash. Doomfist, god that fucker, is just here. He’s fucking here. Why would Sombra add him to the chat?! For fuck sake, even Lena doesn’t seem to care and I thought she would be slightly angry that he’s in the chat. Oh, but Moira is kinda funny. It’s fun seeing her get roasted by everyone. Hahaha, that David Bowie impersonator is such a joke. Although, Overwatch and Talon has really hit rock bottom. Even Korea’s MEKA team seem tame next to them. What were they thinking? Joining Overwatch? No. Why would they willingly end their careers? Anyone who joins Overwatch now must be out of their minds...God, why are they like this? Athena, I don’t know how anyone stays in Overwatch. It’s a miracle. Jesus. All right, I’m done ranting. I should send the text now. How does this work again? Say ‘send text’ to send the text. Send text -Winston]_ **

 

**Angela: …**

 

**Fareeha:** …

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Hanzo:** …

 

**Hana:** …

 

**Hammond:** …

 

**Sombra:** …

 

**Brigitte: ...**

 

**Ana:** …

 

**Lena:** …

 

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Yuna: …**

 

**Jae-Eun:** …

 

**Seung-Hwa:** …

 

**Kyung-Soo:** …

 

**Reinhardt:** …

 

**Mei:** …

 

**Zarya:** …

 

**Torbjörn: …**

 

**Widowmaker:** …

 

**Satya:** …

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Reaper:** …

 

**Doomfist:** …

 

**Junkrat:** …

 

**Roadhog:** ...

 

**_[Shit. I’m sorry, everyone. I didn’t mean what I said. I love you all. Send text - Winston]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because Winston rarely texts the chat doesn’t mean he isn’t up to date with all the fuckery that happens on chat, and he’s really just done.
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	26. Brunch Or Just Gay?

**Genji:** GUYS HELP ME PLEASE ZARYA IS GOING TO KILL ME HELP MEEE!!!

 

**Zarya:** Why are you so dramatic? I just need you to spot me.

 

**Genji:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TEAR ME APART?!

 

**Zarya:** So you don’t run away.

 

**Genji:** I WOULDN’T RUN AWAY IF I KNEW YOU WEREN’T GOING TO TAKE MY LIMBS OFF!

 

**Zarya:** Then just stop running away and I wouldn’t have to take your limbs off.

 

**Genji:** PROMISE ME YOU WON’T TAKE MY LIMBS OFF!!!

 

**Zarya:** Okay, I promise. Come back. You need to be my workout machine for 75 hours.

 

**Genji:** I DID NOT CONSENT TO THAT AGREEMENT.

 

**Zarya:** Partner. Machine. Same thing.

 

**Genji:** WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR THIS!?

 

**Angela:** You said the banned word, duh.

 

**Genji:** I DIDN’T THINK WINSTON WAS SERIOUS ABOUT THAT!!!????

 

**Jesse:** And look where you are at now.

**Jesse:** Sucks to suck.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Fareeha:** Genji, just listen to what Zarya says and the next 75 hours will fly by.

 

**Genji:** I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, FAREEHA!!!

 

**Angela:** Fareeha is one of few people that can work out at the same level of Zarya. She’s the most qualified to give you advice.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, so just listen to Zarya and you’ll be fine.

 

**Genji:** SHE TRIED TO RIP MY LIMBS OFF!!! DID YOU GUYS NOT GET THAT!?

 

**Zarya:** I said I won’t if you promise to stay put.

 

**Fareeha:** Genji, just listen to her and you’ll be fine.

 

**Genji:** @MEI PLEASE TELL YOUR GF TO BE NICE TO ME!!!

 

**Mei:** Just listen to her and you’ll be fine.

 

**Genji:** WHY???

 

**Hanzo:** Why is it so hard for you to just listen? That’s what everyone is trying to tell you to do.

 

**Genji:** SHE TRIED TO RIP MY LIMBS OFF!

 

**Zarya:** I will do it if you don’t come here in five minutes…

 

**Fareeha:** You should get going, Genji. Zarya really hates being kept from her workout.

 

**Genji:** WAAAAHHHHH

 

**Hanzo:** Shut up.

 

XXX

 

**Zarya:** Stop running off, Genji….

 

**Genji:** SHE FUCKING CRAMMED ME INTO A BALL, THREW ME INTO A BAG, AND THREW ME AROUND THE FUCKING GYM!!!

**Genji:** I WAS BEING FUCKING MURDERED!!!

 

**Zarya:** I didn’t drop you, relax.

 

**Genji:** I WAS SHOVED INTO A BAG!!!

 

**Zarya:** Because you wouldn’t roll into a ball.

 

**Genji:** I TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A FUCKING TRANSFORMER!!!

 

**Zarya:** I get that so that’s why I shoved you into a bag.

 

**Angela:** Makes sense.

 

**Fareeha:** I can see it.

 

**Jesse:** I would do the same.

 

**Hanzo:** Stop complaining, Genji.

 

**Genji:** WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!? I CAN’T FIND YOU GUYS!!!

 

**Angela:** We went out for brunch.

 

**Fareeha:** Do you want a chicken pesto sandwich from Boudin’s? We can bring one back for you.

 

**Genji:** WHAT THE FUCK IS BRUNCH?

 

**Jesse:** A meal between breakfast and before lunch.

 

**Genji:** IT’S ONLY 11AM!

 

**Hanzo:** Yah, it’s brunch.

 

**Genji:** No it isn’t….

 

**Angela:** It is.

 

**Genji:** 11am is still breakfast.

 

**Fareeha:** No, it’s brunch.

 

**Genji:** Brunch isn’t a thing.

 

**Jesse:** Yes it is.

 

**Zarya:** Genji, where are you?

 

**Genji:** YOU WILL NEVER FIND ME!

**Genji:** AND BRUNCH ISN’T REAL

 

**Angela:** It is.

 

**Fareeha:** I always have a brunch on my free days.

 

**Genji:** Only you four think brunch is a thing.

 

**Jesse:** No, brunch is pretty universal.

 

**Genji:** Lies.

**Genji:** @Lúcio @Lena @Hana Do you guys know about brunch?

 

**Lúcio:** No, what’s that?

 

**Lena:** Yeah, I love brunch!

 

**Hana:** I’m having brunch right now with my gfs.

 

**Genji:** What the fuck???

 

**Ana:** What the heck is a brunch?

 

**Fareeha:** A meal between breakfast and lunch.

 

**Ana:** So….late breakfast?

 

**Angela:** No, it’s brunch.

 

**Jack:** It’s usually a meal that is eaten around 11 am or so.

 

**Doomfist:** So...late breakfast?

 

**Ana:** See!

 

**Jesse:** It’s not breakfast, it’s brunch. A combination between breakfast and lunch eaten between the two time slots.

 

**Hammond:** Humans have such weird schedules for consumption…

 

**Ana:** I don’t get it…

 

**Lena:** It’s just a meal eaten between breakfast and lunch.

 

**Ana:** I see that but why not call it late breakfast or early lunch?

 

**Lúcio:** Exactly!

 

**Hana:** No one calls it that.

 

**Reinhardt:** NO ONE CALLS IT BRUNCH.

 

**Jesse:** Well...some dignified people do apparently…

 

**Genji:** BRUNCH ISN’T A THING!

 

**Mei:** It is. I have brunch all the time.

 

**Ana:** It’s just an early lunch or late breakfast, depending on what you are eating.

 

**Jack:** What if you are having both breakfast and a lunch then, Ana?

 

**Reaper:** Then it is a brunch.

 

**Ana:** What? Why would you eat a meal that consist of breakfast food and lunch food?

 

**Reaper:** For brunch.

 

**Doomfist:** BRUNCH IS NOT A THING!

 

**Hanzo:** It is.

 

**Angela:** Why is it so hard for some of you guys to see what brunch is?

 

**Ana:** Brunch is not a thing…

 

**Fareeha:** More than half of Overwatch and a part of Talon agree that there is a brunch.

 

**Genji:** @Seung-Hwa @Yuna @Kyung-Soo @Jae-Eun Do you guys know what brunch is!?

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Brunch?

 

**Jae-Eun:** What’s that?

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Never heard of it.

 

**Yuna:** Isn’t that a combination of lunch and breakfast eaten around 11am or so?

 

**Angela:** It is!

 

**Hana:** Thank god Yuna got it.

 

**Genji:** Okay but the others did not get it.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Yeah, I never heard of brunch.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** It sounds weird.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Sounds ridiculous.

 

**Jesse:** Okay, to be fair, these kids had no clue about fork and knife etiquettes…

 

**Jae-Eun:** We are learning though!

 

**Seung-Hwa:** McCree-hyeong, can we use a fork to eat cake, right? That’s fine?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, that’s fine. No problem.

 

**Angela:** You can use a spoon if you want. It doesn’t matter.

 

**Jesse:** Shut up, bitchface. They asked me.

 

**Angela:** Hey fuckface, I don’t care.

 

**Jesse:** Go drink wine with a straw you uncultured woman.

 

**Angela:** Gladly, you dumb shit.

 

**Genji:** Brunch isn’t real.

 

**Fareeha:** It is, Genji…

 

**Hanzo:** It is a real meal.

 

**Ana:** It’s not.

 

**Jack:** It is.

 

**Reinhardt:** IT IS NOT.

 

**Reaper:** It is…

 

**Torbjörn:** IT IS NOT.

 

**Moira:** It is a real meal.

 

**Doomfist:** IT IS NOT MOIRA!

 

**Sombra:** Okay, wait. Back up.

**Sombra:** I just realized something.

**Sombra:** Let’s start over. Who thinks brunch is real?

 

**Angela:** Me.

 

**Fareeah:** Me.

 

**Jesse:** I do.

 

**Hanzo:** Me.

 

**Hana:** Me.

 

**Lena:** Me.

 

**Brigitte:** Me.

 

**Yuna:** Me.

 

**Jack:** Me.

 

**Reaper:** Me.

 

**Moira:** Me.

 

**Mei:** Me.

 

**Zarya:** I do.

 

**Sombra:** Okay, I think brunch is a thing too. Now, who does not think brunch is a thing?

 

**Ana:** Me.

 

**Reinhardt:** ME.

 

**Torbjörn:** ME.

 

**Lúcio:** Me.

 

**Genji:** ME!

 

**Doomfist:** Me.

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Me.

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Me.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Me

 

**Hammond:** I don’t really have an opinion on this…

 

**Sombra:** That’s fine.

**Sombra:** But I think I figured it out.

**Sombra:** Everyone who is gay thinks brunch is a thing. Everyone who is straight thinks brunch is not a thing. In conclusion, brunch is gay culture.

 

**Jesse:** I can live with that.

 

**Angela:** sounds decent.

 

**Genji:** Wait, let's test that!

**Genji:** @Junkrat @Roadhog Do you guys know what brunch is?

 

**Junkrat:** A what? Brunch? What’s that?

 

**Roadhog:** I do. It’s a meal before lunch and after breakfast, usually eaten around 11am.

 

**Junkrat:** Why? Isn’t that late breakfast or early lunch?

 

**Roadhog:** No, it’s brunch.

 

**Angela:** Mako, Sombra made an observation that everyone who is gay knows what brunch is and everyone who is straight does not. Where do you stand on the issue?

 

**Roadhog:** I identify myself as demisexual so I guess I support that issue.

 

**Fareeha:** He’s valid and he is right that brunch is a thing.

 

**Jesse:** Roadhog is smart, he knows what is up.

 

**Angela:** Good guy, Roadhog.

 

**Junkrat:** Yeah, isn’t he the best guy around!?

 

**Roadhog:** Thanks?

 

**Genji:** Okay, one last test. 

**Genji:** @Satya @Widowmaker

 

**Sombra:** They’re gay for each other so what are they going to prove?

 

**Genji:** Satya and Widowmaker seem like dignified people of etiquette so they should know if brunch is a thing or not. 

 

**Lena:** Brunch originated from England so I can say brunch is a thing.

 

**Reinhardt:** YEAH I HAVE A HARD BELIEVING BRUNCH IS A THING…

 

**Lena:** IT IS A THING!!!!

 

**Ana:** Yeah but it’s weird…just call it late breakfast or early lunch…

 

**Fareeha:** You’re weird.

 

**Ana:** Mature, Fareeha…

 

**Genji:** @Satya @Widowmaker

 

**Jesse:** They are probably ignoring the chat, Genji.

 

**Genji:** Fine, I’ll sneak over to Satya’s room and ask her.

**Genji:** AWAY FROM YOU ZARYA!

 

**Zarya:** I gave up on you so you are free to go.

 

**Genji:** Thank god.

 

XXX

 

**Genji:** GUYS OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!

**Genji:** OH SHIT WAIT IM SORRY SATYA PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME.

**Genji: *texts photo***

 

**Satya:** Before anyone makes assumptions, I was massaging Amélie’s back because she says she has been having tense muscles in her upper shoulders.

 

**Fareeha:** Why is Widowmaker shirtless?

 

**Satya:** Skin to skin contact is a much direct and better method to massage the muscles.

 

**Angela:** Why are you straddling her butt?

 

**Satya:** Where else do I stand in order to massage her back?

 

**Hanzo:** On the side of the bed?

 

**Satya:** Well, yes...there is that.

 

**Jesse:** That’s a lot of lube there…

 

**Satya:** It is actually lavender oil to help relax Amélie.

 

**Sombra:** No matter what you say, it’s gay and we accept your relationship with the purple pepe.

 

**Satya:** We are not in a relationship.

 

**Widowmaker:** We are not in a relationship.

 

**Jesse:** You guys were smooching it up at Disneyland…

 

**Satya:** We were whispering.

 

**Widowmaker:** We were whispering.

 

**Fareeha:** Why are you two still denying it?

 

**Satya:** We aren’t denying it. We are only speaking the truth.

 

**Widowmaker:** What she says.

 

**Genji:** We will drop it if you answer a question.

 

**Satya:** Fine.

 

**Widowmaker:** What is it?

 

**Genji:** Do you two know what brunch is?

 

**Satya:** It is a meal between breakfast and lunch. I have it all the time.

 

**Widowmaker:** Usually around 11am. I like having brunch on my days off.

 

**Angela:** Thank you for confirming your gay relationship.

 

**Jesse:** Please continue what you were doing.

 

**Fareeha:** Have fun.

 

**Ana:** You two are a cute couple.

 

**Doomfist:** Wish you two the best.

 

**Lena:** I ship it!

 

**Hana:** We stan two loving cold hearted moms~

 

**Reinhardt:** WE SHALL DO A GROUP DATE SOON~

 

**Yuna:** Congrats, you two~

 

**Genji:** Brunch isn’t a thing but congrats you two!

 

**Satya:** What?

 

**Widowmaker:** What?   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Widowmetra/ Symmaker is my favorite rare ship and I love them so much. Help, so much gay!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	27. 20XX: Babysitting [Part 1]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ FIRST SO YOU UNDERSTAND CONTENT:
> 
> This is early Overwatch. That means young Angela, Jesse, Genji, Jack, Gabe, and Ana. (As well as young Fareeha) Those six uses the chat often. Moira is mentioned, since she was technically around during Overwatch early days, and I haven't decided if I'll put her in yet. Reinhardt and Torbjorn are technically in this time but they rarely text in chats. 
> 
> Other than that, Jack, Gabe, and Ana often warned how awful Angela and Jesse were during their early days so here's the proof.

_**20XX** _

**_In group chat “Overwatch Message Board”_ **

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ @Jesse! Where are you? I just want to talk. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Away from you. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I just want to talk, little bitch. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Then don’t chase me with a knife. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’ll put the knife down if you just come to meet me. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Lol _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Nah bitch you cray cray _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Get your fucking ass to my office you little piece of shit! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Trolololooooo nope! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ JESSE MCCREE! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ANGELA ZIEGLER! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ This isn’t about you! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ We get it. You are sad. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ What are you kids fighting about this time? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Jesus, can’t we have one day where you two aren’t fighting? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Jesse ate the chocolates that I worked 6 hours on. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ And they were deliiiish!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ They weren’t for you! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Anything that lays on the kitchen table is available for everyone~Those are the rules. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I turn around for one minute and you snarfed like five handfuls in your greedy mouth you fuckface! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ My compliments to the baker~ _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m really sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yes, we get it. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Thanks for updating us, Genji. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Okay, Jesse. You’re in the wrong.  _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Yes, we have a rule that whatever is on the table is offered for everyone but it seems that Angela didn’t imply that when she put her chocolates on the table. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Please apologize. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ And can I add, Jack? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Of course. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Angela, don’t chase other agents with a knife. Please. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ I agree. Now, you two, please apologize. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m sorry. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Nah. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fuck you! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ trololololooooo _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Shut up. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ We get it, Genji! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Can you two just come to some sort of agreement of an apology? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Can we fire Jesse? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Can Angela stop being so sensitive? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ No, we can’t fire Jesse or else he will go straight to jail. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Oh yeah...I don’t want to go to jail… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Why did you vouch for this idiot? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ He has potential. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m special. I got talent! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You bag your farts and shove Angela’s face into them… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yet I am still alive! TALENT! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ That’s because Angela doesn’t believe in killing people. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh? I said that?  _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I don’t think I meant Jesse. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ooooo ouuuch _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m a sad boy. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yes, we know. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ We get it. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Look, agents… _

**_Jack:_ ** _ I get it. You’re young and you guys connect to each other more than us older folks, but you guys need to relax on the chat and on the base. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ It’s getting to the point that it’s extremely unprofessional.  _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Don’t worry. I get it. I actually consider Angela as one of my bffs and I just like messing with her. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Really, Jesse? You mean that? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yeah! My bitch face forever! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WHAT!? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yeah! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Wait… _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Shit no that’s not what I meant! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I mean my big fucking fool! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ FUCK YOU!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ SHIT NO _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Autocorrect again… _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Angela, you’re my beast furry fucker. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Go fuck yourself. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ SHIT NO!!! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I swear I’m not actually meaning this. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’s autocorrect!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Sure, blame autocorrect you fuckface! _

**_Angela:_ ** _ You can blame autocorrect but it won’t bring your parents back. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ BITCH I SWEAR TO GOD FUCKING FIGHT ME! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ GLADLY! MEET ME AT THE GROUND LEVEL! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FINE! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Are you two serious? _

**_Jack:_ ** _ @Angela @Jesse stop! _

**_Jack:_ ** _ All that racket is them, huh? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Yeah… _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I think Moira is trying to calm them down… _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Oh...I think that’s her screaming. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ That’s a record. She lasted 3 seconds into trying to break up their fight. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ At least the other agents gave up in trying to break them up. Or else we might have a bigger problem… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Yeah… _

**_Jack:_ ** _ But it kinda sucks because this chat was supposed to be a way to contact other agents but only Angela and Jesse use it to fight now... _

**_Jack:_ ** _ I don’t even know which agents stayed on the chat or just muted it… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ At least cyborg ninja uses it to express how sad he is. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m very sad. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ @Angela @Jesse I’m sad. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ They know… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I like them. They cool friends. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ Also, I’m sad. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Yeah...cool. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Did you hear that? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Ana is back. Thank god… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Jesse: *text photo*_ **

**_Jesse:_ ** _ @Angela @Genji Look at how red my butt is. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Did you really just post your bare ass on the chat? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Jesse, please take that out… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No one wants to see your hairy ass. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ But it looks so red. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Ana really spanked me hard. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ How’s your butt, Angie? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I don’t want to talk about it… _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Did Ana really spank you two? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I did. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ If they want to act like brats, then they will be treated like brats. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I hope you don’t do that with Fareeha… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Why would I spank my own child? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You said you spank brats… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Yeah. Brats. Like you two. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I would never spank my own child. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Angela, Jesse, Ana is saying you two are brats to her and that’s why she spanks you two. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ Also, I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WE GET IT! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I ain’t no brat… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You two are honestly insane agents… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I am currently trying to get my Masters and Ph.D. but fuckface ruins all my study times with his stupid fart pranks. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’s hilarious. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Shut up. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Stop saying that, Genji. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Enough. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Since you, three, are on chat, I actually have an important assignment for you guys. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Okay. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Yes? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What’s the prize? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You get to stay out of jail. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Okay, I’m in. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Tomorrow, pretty much almost all of Overwatch will be off on a big mission. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Sam can’t look after Fareeha tomorrow. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ You three are in charge of babysitting Fareeha. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Alright. It’ll be the first time meeting your daughter so that’s exciting. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Okay. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What? I thought this was a big mission! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ It is a big mission. Watch my baby girl. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Are you fucking joking!? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Watch your language, McCree! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Darn… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s only for the day, right? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Exactly. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Then it’s fine. I can do it by myself. I don’t need fuckface here anyways. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yeah! Fine! You guys don’t need me! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fuckface can’t handle a little kid anyway. He’s too much of a wuss to do it.  _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Alright, wait a minute.  _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I can handle kids. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Only when I feel like it. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I ain’t scared of a kid. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Sure Jussie McPussy. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCK YOU! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ THAT’S IT, I’LL SHOW FAREEHA HOW MUCH FUN I AM! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I think the fuck not. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m already planning the day for us and you are NOT invited. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You can’t stop me! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I CAN! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I AM SAD! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ SHUT UP! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WE KNOW! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Ana, I’m sure it’s fine for you to stay behind and look after your own daughter. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ And risk you and Jack running around like chickens without heads? No. I’m going on that mission and I will not be stopped. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ We can’t stop her, Gabe… _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Yeah, I figured... _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s fine, guys. I’ll take Fareeha out for ice cream. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ ONLY ME. JESSE IS NOT INVITED. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’ll take her to the zoo. Kids love zoos. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’ll take her to the toy store and get her anything she wants. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’ll let her use my gun. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Jesse no… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Don’t give my kid a gun. Other than that, I’m fine with the rest of the plans. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Can I get her a toy gun? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Fine but the bullets have to be foam. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ YES! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ You’re still not coming with me and Fareeha. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You haven’t even met the kid, Angie. Don’t start getting selfish. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m not going to let her get influenced by a dumb fuck like you. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Well, maybe I don’t want her to be influenced by a nerd like you. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ We won’t let Fareeha near you. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I agree. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ @Jack @Gabe see? It’ll be fine. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Of course it’ll be better without Angela. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’ll be better without Jesse. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Suck my hairy ass, bitchface. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Go fuck yourself, fuckface. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Go shove a book up your ass. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Roll off a cliff. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Shove your stupid staff up your ass. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Why are you so obsessed with asses? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Because they are the SHIT! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Jesse, Angela is running to your room. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m ready to fight her! Bring it on!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I’ll leave Fareeha my old phone when I drop her off tomorrow, okay you three? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ K _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ K! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I sad. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ If Overwatch ever gets disbanded, it’s going to be those two’s faults… _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I agree… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Did I just hear an explosion? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Yeah. You did. _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ That was fast. Usually, it takes them a few more minutes to break something. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ 5 _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ 4 _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ 3 _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ 2 _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ 1 _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ @Angela @Jesse COME TO MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It was all Jesse’s fault. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’s Angela’s fault. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I DON’T CARE WHOSE FAULT IT IS! COME HERE NOW! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Why are you trusting those two with your kid, Ana? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I’m not handing Fareeha to Moira. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Touché. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I saaaaaad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WE _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCKING _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ KNOW _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ GENJI! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be how Angela and Jesse prove they are the better role model while Genji is still sad. OR...how Jesse got his first bounty on his head...
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	28. 20XX: Babysitting [Part 2]

**_In a private message between Angela and Moira:_ **

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Hey._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _YES?!_

 **_Moira:_ ** _Hey._

 **_Moira:_ ** _Hi._

 **_Moira:_ ** _Yes?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _If Jesse fucks up when we babysit Fareeha, we are blaming you._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _Anything for you~_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Cool, bye._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _Angela!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _What?_

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _If you want, maybe you and I can babysit Fareeha together sometimes? That way you don’t need to babysit with the cowboy._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _If Ana ever assigns you and me to babysit Fareeha, then so be it._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _So is that a yes?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Only if Ana assigns you with me._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _So a yes?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _I guess?_

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _Okie yay~_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In a private message between Genji and Moira:_ **

 

**_Moira: *texts photo*_ **

**_Moira:_ ** _Hey, Genji. Angela texted me first!_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Cool. We needed a scapegoat so we asked her to ask you._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _Do you think Angela might be interested in me?_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Idk_

 **_Genji:_ ** _I sad._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _Yeah I know._

 **_Moira:_ ** _Well, when you three are babysitting Fareeha, let me know if Angela says anything about me. Okay?_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Okay. I sad._

 

_XXX_

 

**_In a private message between Angela and Jesse:_ **

 

**_Angela: *texts photo*_ **

**_Angela:_ ** _Moira says she’ll take the blame if you fuck up._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Alright, good. Glad that she’s useful._

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I knew she would listen to you._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _You’re right…_

 **_Angela:_ ** _What’s up with that?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I don’t know? Maybe she’s just nicer to you?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _I guess?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Ask her if she’ll give us money for the day._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _You really think she’ll listen to that request?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I dare you._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _No._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I’ll put my stinky socks in your room._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Fuck you, I’m in the middle of a meeting…_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _You’re texting during a meeting?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Yeah, I’m a rebel._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _lol_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _But go ask Moira to lend us money for the day. Go._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Fine…_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In a private message between Angela and Moira:_ **

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Can you lend us money for today? We need money to buy Fareeha presents when we take her out._

 

**_Moira: *texts photo*_ **

**_Moira:_ ** _Here’s my bank info~_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In a private message between Angela and Jesse:_ **

 

**_Angela:*texts photo*_ **

**_Angela:_ ** _Holy shit, she actually gave me her info._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _SWEEEETTTT!!!!!_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In private message between Genji and Moira:_ **

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _GENJI-KUN! ANGELA-CHAN TEXTED ME AGAIN!_

**_Moira: *text photo*_ **

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Cool. I’m sad._

 

_XXX_

 

**_Jesse created a group chat._ **

**_Jesse added Angela and Genji to the group chat._ **

**_Jesse named the group chat as “BAMF”_ **

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _What the hell does BAMF means?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Best and mazing Fareeha!_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Mazing?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Yeah, mazing! I thought the title would be a nice way to make sure Fareeha warms up to us!_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _It would be a nice conversation starter._

 **_Jesse:_ ** _She’ll be like, “what’s BAMF?” and then we say, “Best and mazing Fareeha!”_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _And she be like, “Aww wow you guys are cool!”_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _What does mazing mean?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _mazing? You know, doc!_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Like, “It’s a mazing day!”_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _“You look mazing!”_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _You mean ‘amazing’?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _What’s that?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _It’s the word you are implying…_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _But that’s spelled with an A?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Yeah._

 **_Angela:_ ** _Amazing is spelled with an A…_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _What the fuck…???_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Jesse can’t spell._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I CAN!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _LMAO you can’t!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Fuck off!!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Okay, but if we are adding Fareeha to this chat. We can’t curse._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _She’s 12. She can curse._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Do you want Ana to rip your ass apart?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Okay nevermind I’ll filter myself._

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _I sad._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Thanks for the update._

 

 **_Jessie:_ ** _Cool, Genji._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _So Ana is on her way but she texted me Fareeha’s number so I’m going to add her on the chat. So behave, Jesse._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I’ll behave! Sheeeesh!_

 

**_Angela added Fareeha to group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _Hi._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Hello, Fareeha! I’m Angela._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I’m Jesse McCree~_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _I’m sad._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Sad boy, say your name…_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _I’m Genji Shimada and my brother tried to kill me and I’m sad._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Jesus fucking christ Genji…_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Jesse, language!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _FUCK sorry!_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _SHIT_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Awww armadildos_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _oh my god…_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _It’s armadillo, not armadildo._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Really? It is?_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _Yeah._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _*clap clap* great first impression, Jesse._

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _Look. I’m going to be honest here. You guys aren’t that much older than me. I’m 12, basically 13. I can take care of myself and you guys don’t need to babysit me. I know my mom forced you guys to babysit me and I’m telling you that you don’t need to._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Hey, Fareeha. I have the bank info of one of the worst scientist scum in the world. You know what that means?_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _What?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _You can have ANYTHING you want because that creature will pay for it. If there is anything you want, Big Sister Angela will get it for you._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _AND BIG BROTHER JESSE!_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _I like how you think, Angela._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _It was my idea!_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _I highly doubt that._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _YEP ALL ME! MY IDEA! NOT JESSE!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I’M COOL TOO!!!_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In a private message between Genji and Moira:_ **

 

**_Genji: *texts photo*_ **

**_Genji:_ ** _Angela mentioned you._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _Wow…_

 **_Moira:_ ** _SHE THINKS I’M A SCIENTIST! WOW, SHE NOTICED ME!_

 

 ** _Genji:_** She also thinks you’re scum.

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _BUT SHE NOTICES ME!_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _I’m sad._

 

 **_Moira:_ ** _BUT GENJI, SHE NOTICED ME!_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _And I’m still fucking sad._

 

_XXX_

 

**_In group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Are you fucking kidding me, Jesse?_

_**Angela:** We can't even get fucking ice cream without causing a fucking scene!?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Language, doc!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _I TURN AROUND FOR 5 SECONDS AND YOU RAN OFF WITH FAREEHA!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I actually have a good reason why!_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _There’s this white-haired lady chasing us._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Oh my god…_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I panicked…_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Look, give me 5 mins and I’ll sort this out._

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _She has a gun._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _OH MY GOD WHERE ARE YOU JESSE!?_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _We have been babysitting for five minutes and we already fucked up._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Shut up, Genji!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _You’re not helping!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Jesse, where are you!?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Idk?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _oh my god_

 **_Angela:_ ** _Ana is going to kill us._

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _The white-haired lady might kill Jesse first._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Good._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _FUCK YOU!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Language!_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _I know what fuck means._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Where are you two?!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Hold on! Give me a minute! Let me try something!_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In a private message between Jesse and Ashe:_ **

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Can you please stop shooting me? I have a kid with me. :)_

 

 **_Ashe:_ ** _I don’t fucking care if you brought your mama to this ringer! You owe me 1000 bucks, McCree!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _IT WAS JUST A GAME!_

 

 **_Ashe:_ ** _IT WAS MY FUCKING MONEY YOU DIPSHIT!_

 

_XXX_

 

**_In group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _Didn’t work. I don’t know what to do._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Oh my god…_

 **_Angela:_ ** _I’m going to fucking kill you, Jesse._

 

**_Fareeha: *texts photo*_ **

**_Fareeha:_ ** _Look, Jesse is on the news._

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _You’re wanted for kidnapping a child?_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _This is literally turning into a nightmare…_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _ASHE REALLY GOING TO DO ME DIRTY BY FILING A FALSE REPORT ON ME!?_

 **_Jesse:_ ** _ALL BECAUSE I USED HER MONEY TO WIN THAT SHOOTING GAME FOR MY HAT?!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Wait...that’s how you got the hat?_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _You got it at an arcade game?_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _With Ashe’s money so I can see why she’s upset._

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _1000 bucks is a lot of money._

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _You paid 1000 for a hat??_

 

 ** _Genji:_** _Dang...I would be mad if someone took 1000 dollars from me..._

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I feel like you guys are missing the point…_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _Wait...who the fuck is Ashe?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _An old friend from my time with the Deadlock gang._

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Friend? She’s trying to kill you…_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _She was a lot nicer before she became a criminal…_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _What the fuck did you do to that woman to get her to hate you so much?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _I may or may not have really pissed her off when I decided to join with Gabe and leave the Deadlock gang…_

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _You said “before she became a criminal”. What’s up with that?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _She was actually a really wealthy girl and I kinda helped make her a criminal…_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _So she was a rich girl with lots of opportunities in front of her and you took her into a life of crime and then left her behind to join Gabe?_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _You make it sound bad…._

 **_Jesse:_ ** _To be fair...I was either going to rot in prison or stay alive and free._

**_Jesse:_ ** _And she wasn't a goody two shoes rich girl...she was already pretty badass before me..._

 

 **_Genji:_ ** _Wow. I feel bad for Ashe…_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _You fucked up her life…_

 

 **_Fareeha:_ ** _I change my mind. Jesse sounds so cool!_

 

 **_Jesse:_ ** _OH FUCK YEAH TAKE THAT ANGELA!!!_

 

 **_Angela:_ ** _DOES THAT REALLY MATTER NOW?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a part three, don't worry.
> 
> Also, the information I got about Ashe is based on what the Overwatch page showed me about her. You can go check that out. I'm excited to play her and that's all I'll say about her for now.
> 
> I want to add Orisa soon so be patient until I write her in!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	29. 20XX: Babysitting [Part 3]

**_Jesse:_ ** _ CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE THIS?! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ THEY PUT A BOUNTY ON MY HEAD ALREADY! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ IT’S ONLY 500 BUCKS! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I AM WORTH, AT LEAST, 15000! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT?? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I AM WORTH MORE THAN 500 BUCKS!! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I sad. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Does he always say that? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I sad, Fareeha. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Weirdo. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fareeha, where are you? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I think we are hiding in a car trunk? _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I’m not entirely sure bc Jesse keeps grabbing me and running. _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ But his foot is in my face so I think we are in a cramped space. _

 

 ** _Jesse:_** _Oh, my bad._

 ** _Jesse:_** _Idk where we are either, I’m just running from Ashe._

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ This is getting ridiculous… _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Jesse, give me Ashe’s number. Maybe I can talk to her. Woman to woman. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Alright but I warn yah, she’s not a typical rich white girl… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In a private message between Ashe and Angela:_ **

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Hey? This is Angela, Jesse’s acquaintance. Look, I don’t know what is the beef with you and Jesse but can you just let him give me Fareeha and you can shoot him up all you want? :) _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Oh? Are you the white bony skank he banging to stay in that dipshit Overcrap? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Um? Excuse me? _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _Did you suck his dick to get him to join that Overshit gang? Huh?_

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I assure you that Jesse and I are not in any type of relationship nor did I have anything to do with him joining Overwatch. _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _Honey, I can literally smell your lies you fart shittin whore like a sinner in a church._

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Look, I have no idea what you are saying but can you at least not shoot the kid and let the kid come to me? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Oh? So that dumb idiot and you have a kid now? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ We are babysitting that kid. Please just give her to me. _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _It's better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid than open it and prove it because I am coming to find you and put you down in the dirt you ugly rejected angel._

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ How do you even know who I am? We never met… _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Honey cheeks. I ain’t a leader of the Deadlock gang for being stupid. You think I am unaware of the prodigy Angela Ziegler, some swiss nurse wannabe! You can try to outtalk me with your intellect bullshit but I know your kind. You want to swing with the bad boy and feel the rush of adventure. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Jesse will give you that and a whole lot more. And then he will dumb yah like a needle in a haystack, then light it on fire. _

**_Ashe:_** _Then he’ll rush off to the next smart looking woman he finds, leaving behind a trail of betrayal and hate._

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Angela baby, imma make sure he knows he can’t fucking just leave the Deadlock gang for another woman. _

 

 ** _Angela:_** _I don’t have feelings for Jesse so you can have him, okay? Go marry him and take him away from me, please…._

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _Ew no…_

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I don’t like Jesse like that… _

**_Ashe:_** _I’m pretty sure he a homo sapien in the closet._

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ You mean homosexual? _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _What’s that?_

 

 ** _Angela:_** _A person that likes someone of the same sex._

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Yeah, that. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Like don’t get me wrong. I support his man love, even when he won’t admit it. _

**_Ashe:_** _but he spent 1000 dollars of my hard stolen money on that stupid hat_

**_Ashe:_ ** _ He just left the Deadlock gang without even saying goodbye _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ He just left me without even giving me a reason why he left. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I broke bread with this brother and he do a sister wrong by walking out of my life like I was nothing to him? Who does that shit? _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Yah feel me, partner? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yeah that’s pretty shitty of him. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ But he’s pretty stupid too so I guess you shouldn’t be too mad at him, yah feel me? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Yeah you right. He isn’t the brightest but he is such a crazy and fun man. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Dang, you know what? I just mad at him bc he made Bob really sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Bob? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ My butler omnic. He really connected with that cowboy and when Jesse walked out from us, Bob was sad. _

**_Ashe:_** _Bob is like my only family and you don’t go making my family sad, yah feel me, partner?_

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I feel you. I feel that from my heart. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Damn, Angela. You get it. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ You a gem. I feeling a lot better talkin this out. Sorry for spouting those devil words at you. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s okay, Ashe. You were just mad. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I can easily pay you the 1000 dollars back if you just let me have the kid. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Alright, deal. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I knew you were a negotiable woman. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ You’re not half bad doc. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Can I ask you a quick question? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ What’s up, sugar? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Does Jesse ever bags his farts and shove your face into them? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ All the fucking time. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ It’s how he shows his love, yah know? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No, it’s gross and annoying and I want him to stop… _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Just light that shit up and that’ll teach him. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Alright, I’ll try that. Thanks. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ No prob.  _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I see Jesse poking his head out. I’ll go grab the kid and send her your way. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Thanks, this means a lot.  _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _No problem, honey. We soul sisters now. I got your back._

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ We should hang out sometimes when you’re not busy with your Deadlock stuff. _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _We totally should! Girl, we can shit talk Jesse all day!_

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ OMG YES!! _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Can’t wait~ _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ YOU DID NOTHING ANGELA! SHE JUST TOOK FAREEHA AWAY FROM ME AND TRIED TO CHASE ME OUT! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ She’s a nice lady. She gave me a Deadlock bandana. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ WHAT DID YOU TWO SAY TO EACH OTHER?! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ She’s my soul sister and you made her sad, bitch. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I sad too. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yes, we know… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What is she sad about?? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ You made Bob sad and she’s mad you left the gang without really saying goodbye. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ IT’S KINDA HARD WHEN GABE LITERALLY ONLY GAVE ME TWO OPTIONS TO EITHER LIVE OR ROT IN A CELL! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Excuses… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I DIDN’T HAVE FUCKING TIME TO WRITE A LETTER TO THAT WOMAN, OKAY?! _

 

 ** _Fareeha:_** _She’s pretty._

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO START REALIZING YOU LIKE GIRLS, FAREEHA! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ When is the time then? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Good question. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ MAYBE AFTER YOU GUYS HELP ME CHASE ASHE AWAY!?? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No, Fareeha and I are going to go shopping with Moira’s money. Bye. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I sad. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUUUUUUCK!!! WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Are you still alive, Jesse? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Barely… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Ashe, Fareeha, Genji, and I are eating apple pie so if you want some, come swing by the cafe. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I want apple pie… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Will you two stop spoon feeding Fareeha? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You’re just jealous. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Let the kid eat, Genji. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Is Ashe going to try and kill me if I come by? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Maybe. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ She says she will behave bc I’m so cute. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ You two are smothering Fareeha… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Will you stop moping in the corner with your phone and come participate in the group like a normal person? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Fareeha is like 13 and you latch onto her like you are her gf… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ How else am I suppose to make sure she doesn’t get kidnapped again? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Put her in those baby holsters. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Please don’t… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Angela: *texts photo*_ **

**_Angela:_ ** _ Ashe put her in a baby holster. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ LMFAO HAHAHAH SHE IS SO SMALL!! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Where are you Jesse? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Ana, Gabe, and Jack caught me. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh shit… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ YOU DIDN’T THINK TO TELL US THIS EARLIER!? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ We right around the corner bitches!!! _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In group chat “Overwatch Message Board”_ **

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ How are your buns doing? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I can’t feel my butt… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I wish I didn’t have a butt... _

**_Angela:_ ** _ To be fair, this was all Jesse’s fault. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ HOW THE FUCK DID YOU ALREADY GET A BOUNTY ON YOUR HEAD? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Ashe was being a fucking rude little shit.... _

 

 ** _Angela:_** _Don’t talk smack about my soul sister…_

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ She ain’t your soul sister! She is my soul sister!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I treat her better, bitch!! You ain’t got shit on her! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I help her escape from Ana’s clutches!!! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Yeah, that totally made up for making Bob sad. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I SAID I WAS SORRY AND I PROMISE TO WRITE A LETTER TO HIM!! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ YOU THREE CAN’T FUCKING BABYSIT WITHOUT SOME KIND OF FIGHT??! _

 

 ** _Ana:_** _Okay but putting Fareeha in a baby holster is hilarious._

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ That was my idea! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Don’t encourage them, Ana… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You three are cleaning toilets for 2 weeks. _

 

 ** _Angela:_** _WHAT?_

**_Angela:_ ** _ I literally saved everyone’s lives by befriending Ashe!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You turn my bff away from me!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ You weren’t even a good bff!!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FAREEHA WOULD SAY OTHERWISE! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WELL FAREEHA AIN’T HERE TO PROVE IT!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ YOU’RE RIGHT BECAUSE FAREEHA WOULD BE TOO BUSY BEING SMOTHERED BY YOU!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ You flirting with my kid, Angela? Come on, at least become an actual doctor first. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCKING BUUUUURRRRNNNN!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ JESSE SHUT UP!!! _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Ana, I am not flirting with your daughter. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Better than Fareeha ending up with someone like Jesse. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ FUCKING BURN JESSE!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I WILL COME TO YOUR ROOM AND FUCK IT UP YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ BRING IT LITTLE BITCH!!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Ana...why? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ *shrugs* Why not? _

 

 ** _Jack:_** _Overwatch will disband because of those two…_

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ We shall see about that. _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In a private message between Genji and Moira:_ **

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I have no money in my account… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I know. Angela really used it all up. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Was she content in the end? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Yeah. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Then it was all worth it. _

 

 ** _Genji:_** _Yeah, she and Ashe really had quite a time with your money._

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Who is Ashe? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Angela’s soulmate. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ WHAT?? _

 

 ** _Genji:_** _Soul buddy? Soul friend? Idk, i forgot what Angela said about her._

 

 ** _Moira:_** _HER??_

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Yeah, Ashe is a woman. We met her today. Tried to kill us but Angela used her mouth to calm her down. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ WHAT????!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN USE HER MOUTH!???? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Look, I’m really tired and sad so I’m going to nap. Bye. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ GENJI WAIT! _

**_Moira:_ ** _ WHAT DID YOU MEAN??  _

**_Moira:_ ** _ WHO IS ASHE?? _

**_Moira:_ ** _ GENJI!!!!! _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In a private message between Angela and Moira:_ **

 

 ** _Moira:_** _Hey, did you have fun today?_

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yeah, we did. Thanks for lending us money for today. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ No problem.  _

**_Moira:_ ** _ What did you guys buy? You guys really wiped my account out, ahaha. _

**_Moira:_ ** _ Not that I mind if it was for you. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _?? _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I didn’t really buy a lot of stuff except paying Ashe 1000 bucks. _

**_Angela:_** _And a few things for Fareeha_

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh, but she might have taken your bank info and taken all your money… _

**_Angela:_ ** _ My bad… _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ So who is this Ashe? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ This criminal lady that wears a cooler hat than Jesse. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ She’s actually pretty cool and chill. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I see… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In a private message between Moira and Gabe:_ **

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Hey, Gabe! For Blackwatch, can we get really cool looking outfits that make us look like we are criminals and a hat to go with it? _

  
**_Gabe:_ ** _ What? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the truth behind Moira's Blackwatch outfit. She wanted to look like a criminal and wear a hat to impress Angela. When that didn't work, she became an actual criminal. In Kokoro's fanfiction lore, here is why...
> 
> Lol, jk. I will incorporate present-day Ashe in the series but the next chapter will focus on Orisa and Efi (never forget about that lovable smart engineer). ((This will also force Zenyatta and Bastion out of hiding))
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	30. Welcome Orisa!

**Jack:** Hey, everyone. I know that many of you guys are all on vacations and not on the base but I do have an important announcement.

 

**Angela:** Are we finally firing Jesse?

 

**Jesse:** What?

 

**Angela:** What?

 

**Jesse:** Are you still mad that I lit your hair on fire?

 

**Angela:** Now what makes you think that?

 

**Hanzo:** He really did light your hair on fire…

 

**Fareeha:** It’s a miracle she still has hair…

 

**Hanzo:** I’m so sorry, Fareeha. Sometimes my boyfriend’s impulse control is terrible when I’m not around.

 

**Fareeha:** Well, Angela isn’t exactly the innocent victim here…she did insult his orphan past...

 

**Angela:** Excuse me, I’m right next to you, baby…

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, darling...rude…

 

**Hana:** How are you two fighting when you guys are on the other side of the world?

 

**Ana:** How is it that Angela and Jesse aren’t the reason for Overwatch’s disbandment?

**Ana:** @Jack @Reaper

 

**Reaper:** Okay, now hold on a minute….

 

**Jack:** Can we not bring past flames into this?

**Jack:** I do have an announcement.

**Jack:** We are going to get a new agent on base and they are already on their way here.

 

**Hana:** Oh great, whose life are we going to fuck up now?

 

**Lena:** Who is going to fuck up the new agent’s life?

 

**Lúcio:** Or literally.

 

**Jack:** Stop it.

**Jack:** Please…

**Jack:** I’m already regretting this…

 

**Angela:** You just realized this?

**Angela:** Jesse may be in Japan with Hanzo but he will somehow cause some fuck up on the base when he’s not there.

 

**Jesse:** Angela may be in Canada with Fareeha but she’ll piss me off enough for me to fuck something up on the base when I’m not even there.

 

**Angela:** Of course he wants to blame me.

 

**Jesse:** Of course she wants to put it on me.

 

**Fareeha:** Can you children behave? I may be all the way in Canada but I have some special screenshots that Jesse will kill to have deleted.

 

**Hanzo:** And I may be in Japan but I have secret pictures that Angela would kill to have deleted as well.

 

**Angela:** What…

 

**Jesse:** What…

 

**Fareeha:** Behave you two.

 

**Hanzo:** Or else.

 

**Genji:** So who is the new agent?

 

**Jack:** It’s a modified OR15 named Orisa. She was created by Efi Oladele.

 

**Lúcio:** THE EFI OLADELE!!!

**Lúcio:** ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS?

 

**Fareeha:** Wait, that’s actually really amazing! She’s such a bright young girl who created a hero to be a guardian for Numbani!

 

**Hana:** I heard about her! That’s actually someone important.

 

**Lena:** Why would you ruin her career by recruiting Orisa into Overwatch?

 

**Jack:** Well, Efi isn’t really joining. It’s just Orisa that’s joining.

 

**Angela:** I don’t know if that’s any better.

 

**Jack:** Are you guys really against this?

 

**Jesse:** We aren’t against it. We just don’t want to ruin someone’s life.

 

**Jack:** Maybe if you guys aren’t such fuck ups….

 

**Reaper:** Exactly.

 

**Lena:** And Talon is not a fuck up?

 

**Jack:** They are so much more organized than us.

 

**Reaper:** Well...

 

**Sombra:** We’re organized when we actually work together.

 

**Reaper:** Which is rarely….

 

**Sombra:** Moira always fuck up on missions bc she isn’t a good healer.

 

**Angela:** HAH!

 

**Moira:** For the millionth time, if you guys get within my range I can heal you guys…

 

**Reaper:** When you’re not trying to ‘heal’ us, you run off to watch anime.

 

**Moira:** Oh so Widowmaker isn’t doing the same thing by running off to text Satya but you guys don’t give her shit for it?

 

**Sombra:** At least Widowmaker actually does her job.

 

**Reaper:** Not well but she gets it done.

 

**Hana:** She prefers to get someone ‘done’. ;)

**Hana:** @Satya

 

**Satya:** Stop.

 

**Hana:** Nah.

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** Can I just add Efi and Orisa to the chat without you guys being immature?

 

**Hana:** Only for Efi.

 

**Lúcio:** Ya’ll better behave okay fuckers?

 

**Jack:** Lúcio…language 

 

**Lena:** We’ll behave! 

 

**Angela:** We will.

 

**Jesse:** I’ll try.

 

**Jack:** I’ll take it.

 

**Jack added Orisa and Efi to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Efi:** Hi everyone!

 

**Orisa:** Greetings! :)

 

**Hanzo:** Hello.

 

**Jesse:** Hi.

 

**Fareeha:** It’s an honor to meet you, Efi.

 

**Lena:** Hiyah!

 

**Hana:** Hey!

 

**Lúcio:** HI EFI!

 

**Angela:** Hello.

 

**Genji:** Hi.

 

**Zenyatta:** Greeting fellow Omnic and Efi Oladele.

 

**Bastion:** :)!!!

 

**Jesse:** You guys are on the chat?!

 

**Genji:** They’ve always been on the chat….

 

**Orisa:** Hello, everyone. I am Orisa and I am excited to start my first day as an Overwatch agent! :)

 

**Bastion:** :)!!

 

**Zenyatta:** We are excited as well, fellow friend. When you get here, we will be more than happy to guide you around the base.

 

**Hana:** This is the most Zenyatta and Bastion have said on this chat…

 

**Angela:** I thought Bastion had a translator on him?

 

**Zenyatta:** Bastion prefers to speak in emoticons.

 

**Bastion:** （‐＾▽＾‐）

 

**Orisa:** Computing…

**Orisa:** Bastion is happy.

**Orisa:** I am happy too, Bastion.

**Orisa:** I am excited to meet you, Bastion!

 

**Bastion: ♡＾▽＾♡**

 

**Hana:** This is so pure, oh my god…

 

**Jesse:** So who is going to ruin it?

 

**Angela:** Jesse, really?

 

**Jesse:** What? We gotta figure it out so I don’t get blamed again!

 

**Angela:** It’s you.

 

**Jesse:** Fudge you.

 

**Fareeha:** Oh my god…

 

**Jack:** Just because you censor yourself, Jesse, doesn’t make it any better.

 

**Orisa:** Does Jesse want fudge?

**Orisa:** I do not know how to make fudge but I can look it up in my system and see how to make it.

 

**Jesse:** Stop, that’s so cute.

 

**Lena:** Oh my god!!!

 

**Lúcio:** I’m dead, this is too pure.

 

**Efi:** It’s fine to curse in front of Orisa, guys. Don’t worry about being careful around her.

 

**Angela:** You programmed her with curse words?

 

**Efi:** Yeah. Is that a problem?

 

**Angela:** I mean...I guess not?

**Angela:** But why?

 

**Efi:** In case she meets with a certain someone on missions, she’ll be ready to give them a piece of her mind.

 

**Angela:** You’re 11…

 

**Efi:** And?

 

**Angela:** Program Orisa to not say curse words.

 

**Efi:** No.

 

**Angela:** Do it.

 

**Efi:** You’re not my mom, haha.

 

**Fareeha:** Angela, no…

 

**Jesse:** You already baby Hana enough…

 

**Genji:** Angela stop!

 

**Efi:** ?

 

**Angela:** Efi, if you won’t program Orisa then you’re not allowed to have ice cream when you get to base.

 

**Hana:** You’re not here to reinforce that…

 

**Efi:** Is she really serious?

 

**Lúcio:** She is but she’s also not here to reinforce it.

**Lúcio:** Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you can have ice cream.

 

**Angela:** Fareeha, I’m going to get on the orca. You coming?

 

**Fareeha:** ANGELA YOU HAVE TO STOP MOTHERING EVERY CHILD YOU SEE!

 

**Angela:** SHE IS ONLY 11, FAREEHA. SHE NEEDS A MOTHER TO GUIDE HER SO SHE DOESN’T END UP AS MESSED UP AS JESSE!

 

**Jesse:** RUDE!

 

**Fareeha:** SHE HAS A MOTHER, ANGELA. SHE DOESN’T NEED YOU!

 

**Angela:** AND HER MOTHER LETS HER PROGRAM A ROBOT WITH CURSE WORDS??

 

**Efi:** She encouraged it.

 

**Angela:** FAREEHA I HAVE TO GO!

 

**Fareeha:** YOU ARE NOT SKIPPING DINNER WITH MY DAD, ANGELA. WE PLANNED THIS FOR MONTHS.

 

**Ana:** Say hi to Sam for me.

 

**Fareeha:** MAYBE IF YOU FUCKING COME OUT AND TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE FUCKING ALIVE, MOTHER, THAT WOULD BE A GREAT FUCKING HELP!!!

**Fareeha:** shit...I’m sorry.

**Fareeha:** Fuck

**Fareeha:** Nevermind...

 

**Jesse:** …

**Jesse:** Fareeha cursed first, just saying...

 

**Hana:** I’m dead. Fareeha fucked up first hahaha!!!

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** It could be worse. I’ll take it. Welcome to Overwatch, Efi, Orisa.

 

**Efi:** Fuck yeah!

 

**Angela:** WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOUNG LADY!

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** Sorry for the late intro, Talon is busy with a mission but hi Efi! Nice to meet you!

 

**Reaper:** Hello.

 

**Efi:** Hi, Talon!

**Efi:** Wait…

**Efi:** Talon is on this chat?

 

**Moira:** It’s a long story….

 

**Efi:** …

**Efi:** Oh...I see…

 

**Doomfist:** Hey, so who is the new agent?

**Doomfist:** Oh…

**Doomfist:** Hi?

 

**Orisa:** Hey ****face you piece of **** of ******* ******. You good?

 

**Doomfist:** Oh my lord…

**Doomfist:** Language…

 

**Hana:** Do you even know what she said?

 

**Doomfist:** No but I assume it’s vulgar enough that Athena had to censor it.

**Doomfist:** She might have said it in her native tongue too….

 

**Genji:** I have never seen Athena having to do that...

 

**Jesse:** I think Orisa will fit in just nicely.

 

**Jack:** Dear god…

 

**Lena:** It’s literally been like 20 mins and Orisa is cursing up a storm…

 

**Efi:** She has every right to curse at that man.

 

**Doomfist:** I feel like you hold a lot of anger for a little girl.

 

**Efi:** You evoke fear and public confidence dropped after you brutally attacked the OR15s and the airport I was at.

 

**Doomfist:** I just wanted my gauntlet back…

**Doomfist:** But no, no one wanted to return my gauntlet to me. 

**Doomfist:** So I had to get physical.

 

**Orisa:** Did you have to, Doom****?

 

**Angela:** Stop.

**Angela:** Stop this.

**Angela:** I don’t approve.

 

**Fareeha:** Angela, you are not leaving dinner...I see you itching to run.

 

**Angela:** I am not going to sit around while Efi can run around with her robot to curse up a storm.

 

**Doomfist:** I agree.

 

**Efi:** Shut up.

 

**Orisa:** Shut the fuck up, Doom****.

 

**Doomfist:** Deal with it.

 

**Angela:** STOP!!

 

**Jack:** Jesus….

 

**Junkrat:** Oi! Who’s the robot running amok the base?!

 

**Jesse:** Orisa is running amok??

 

**Brigitte:** She is!!

**Brigitte:** DEAR GOD SHE ACCIDENTLY SET OFF ALL OF JUNKRAT’S BOMBS!!

 

**Junkrat:** NOW AIN’T THAT RUDE?

 

**Roadhog:** Thank god.

**Roadhog:** At least they are gone now.

 

**Brigitte:** AT THE COST OF ALMOST LOSING MY FUCKING ARM!!

 

**Hana:** We going to die…

 

**Lena:** rip everyone

 

**Lúcio:** Goodbye cruel world.

 

**Ana:** Look at what you did, Jack. The second fall of Overwatch is about to come.

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** I am starting to wish it was Angela and Jesse’s fault.

 

**Angela:** RUDE

 

**Jesse:** RUDE

 

XXX

 

**Hammond:** The situation has been averted. You’re welcome.

 

**Hana:** Thank god Orisa likes furry creatures…

 

**Efi:** I tinkered her system so she won’t be triggered by Doomfuck whenever he texts in the chat.

 

**Angela:** Language!

 

**Efi:** Deal with it.

 

**Orisa:** I apologize for my reckless actions. It will not happen again.

**Orisa:** The hamster has calmed me down.

 

**Jack:** Thank god…

 

**Jesse:** It feels weird that it’s not my fault.

 

**Angela:** We can blame it on you if it gets you off.

 

**Jesse:** Actually, sure.

 

**Hanzo:** Don’t…

 

**Satya:** What in the world happened on base?

 

**Lena:** How did you not hear the ruckus?!

 

**Satya:** I was busy doing research.

 

**Hana:** You mean Widowmaker?

 

**Satya:** No.

 

**Lena:** Liar.

 

**Satya:** I’m not lying.

 

**Lúcio:** Why do you look like a liar?

 

**Satya:** I’m not.

 

**Orisa:** Detected Satya Vaswani in my sights.

**Orisa:** Computing…

**Orisa:** I detect a high level of neurotransmitters that consist of a peaked level of dopamine.

**Orisa:** Are you well, Miss Vaswani?

 

**Sombra:** LMFAO

**Sombra:** Oh @Widowmaker~ someone is thinking of you!

 

**Widowmaker:** Stop it.

 

**Orisa:** Detecting Widowmaker in my scans.

**Orisa:** Computing….

**Orisa:** I detect a high level of energy between these two adult females.

**Orisa:** Are you well?

 

**Moira:** Wait?

**Moira:** Is Widowmaker not on Talon base?

 

**Widowmaker:** I am on base!

 

**Lena:** …

**Lena:** We can see you trying to hide in Satya’s closet.

 

**Hana:** Hey, sugar momma!

 

**Satya:** Get out.

 

**Widowmaker:** Please!

 

**Brigitte:** I guess one of us has to pull Widowmaker out of the closet.

**Brigitte:** Literally and figuratively.

 

**Hana:** GOOD ONE BABE!

 

**Sombra:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

**Angela:** Satya, do you really need to do it at the base when we have a child visiting?

 

**Satya:** I do not want to hear that from you of all people, Doctor Ziegler.

 

**Efi:** I’m going to leave before things get awk!

 

**Zarya:** Take your robot with you.

 

**Jack:** Zarya….really?

 

**Zarya:** Really.

 

**Mei:** I’ll talk to her about it. Orisa can stay.

 

**Orisa:** Yay!

 

**Zarya:** No.

 

**Efi:** Deal with it.

 

**Zarya:** I will.

 

**Jack:** Can we NOT have another incident!?   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who needs more Bastion and Orisa interaction with Zenyatta lowkey shipping them? Me.
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro—nerd


	31. Roasted and Burn

**Lena:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FAREEHA!!

 

**Fareeha:** Sorry, Lena. I didn’t mean to crash into you.

 

**Hana:** I saw that. 

**Hana:** That was hilarious.

 

**Jesse:** I’m surprised Lena was able to get up afterwards.

 

**Lena:** IS YOUR ASS REALLY THAT ROCK HARD?!

 

**Fareeha:** What?

 

**Hana:** LMFAO WHAT?

 

**Lena:** GUYS HER BUTT RAMMED INTO MY CHEST WHEN SHE FELL ON ME AND I THINK SHE BROKE MY CHEST BONE!!

 

**Hana:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE LYING.

 

**Angela:** She’s not. 

 

**Lena:** IF MY RECALL EVER FUCKS UP, I WOULD LOVE TO DIE BY PHARAH’S BOOTY!!

 

**Hana:** kdsafhkjfhdkslfhsdklfhalk

**Hana:** Damn, Pharah. 

**Hana:** When the booty is too good!

 

**Angela:** Stop.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m really sorry, Lena.

**Fareeha:** You can blame Sombra because she hacked me.

 

**Lena:** @SOMBRA I WANT MY DEATH TO BE DEATH BY PHARAH’S BOOTY!

 

**Sombra:** I got you, girl.

 

**Fareeha:** What would your girlfriend say about this?

 

**Lena:** She wants to die by Widowmaker’s booty.

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Lena:** My girlfriend, Emily, wants to die by being suffocated by your booty, Widowmaker.

**Lena:** I choose to be crushed to death by Pharah’s booty.

 

**Widowmaker:** I tried to kill you…

 

**Lena:** And?

 

**Widowmaker:** Nevermind…

 

**Satya:** We are in the middle of a mission…

**Satya:** What is this conversation?

 

**Hana:** An intellectual conversation.

 

**Satya:** I beg to differ.

 

**Jesse:** We all know how Satya would love to die under Widowmaker’s booty.

 

**Satya:** I am not participating in this conversation.

**Satya:** May we get on the payload?

 

**Angela:** You know, I’m trying but Moira keeps trying to suck the life out of my fiancée!!!

 

**Sombra:** Wow?

**Sombra:** She’s actually doing her job?

 

**Doomfist:** That is a first.

 

**Jesse:** We could really use a tank right about now…

**Jesse:** @Orisa where are you??

 

**Orisa:** I am with Bastion at the moment, shielding him from Reaper.

 

**Hana:** Reaper is on our side…

 

**Orisa:** Computing…

**Orisa:** You are correct. No enemies in my sight.

 

**Jesse:** Did you just try to lie?

 

**Orisa:** I have failed to perform a lie.

**Orisa:** I am sorry.

**Orisa:** Bastion and I are on our own.

 

**Zarya:** I swear to god, don’t you dare start having some kind of love affair…

 

**Hana:** Hey, what’s wrong with that?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, just because you’re an omnicist doesn’t mean you have to invalidate their love.

 

**Zarya:** The robot horse only shields Bastion and no one else.

**Zarya:** I’m merely speaking on the terms that their love thing is going to risk other agent’s lives.

 

**Orisa:** I requested that you get behind my shield but you do not take my advice.

**Orisa:** It is not my responsibility if you die because your biased views get in the way of your close-minded judgment, you rejected pink Hulk.

 

**Hana:** JESUS ORISA FUCKING ROASTED ZARYA!!!

 

**Jesse:** DAMN ORISA DAAMN

 

**Lena:** Zarya who?

**Lena:** Nah, Orisa is the new Tank favorite!

 

**Zarya:** Russia wouldn’t treat me like this.

 

**Sombra:** Oh man, Katya would say otherwise.

 

**Zarya:** You know nothing about Katya.

 

**Sombra:** She’s my bff tho.

 

**Zarya:** She’s not…

 

**Sombra:** She is.

**Sombra:** Okay I blackmailed her to get her to be my friend but she and I enjoy watching Numb3rs together.

 

**Zarya:** She would not associate with you on such friendly terms…

 

**Sombra:** You really are close-minded…

 

**Zarya:** Deal with it.

 

**Sombra:** Maybe I will.

 

**Sombra added Katya to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Sombra:** Hey girl, do me a solid?

 

**Katya:** Why did you add me to the Overwatch chat?

 

**Sombra:** To prove to Zarya that we are bffs

 

**Katya:** That was supposed to be a secret between you and me…

 

**Zarya:** Chairman Volskaya…?

 

 **Katya:** Гавно…

 

**Sombra:** Hehehe :)

 

**Zarya:** Chairman Volskaya, is it true? Are you really associating on friendly terms with this woman?

 

**Katya:** I merely just watch criminal tv shows with her. Nothing more than that.

 

**Sombra:** I babysit her kid from time to time.

 

**Katya:** Stop…

 

**Sombra:** I buy her kid presents from time to time using Widowmaker’s money.

**Sombra:** Her daughter regards me as ‘Auntie Sommy’ and it’s so cute.

 

**Katya:** Just expose me. 

**Katya:** I really don’t care anymore.

 

**Sombra:** I take Hana and Brigitte to babysit the kid with me.

**Sombra:** And her daughter loves them.

**Sombra:** Also I pay for Katya’s Netflix account with Widowmaker’s money.

**Sombra:** And she’s also getting aid from the omnics from time to time but I think you already knew that.

 

**Zarya:** …

 

**Katya:** You did know I got aid from omnics?

 

**Zarya:** Yeah, I did.

**Zarya:** But I didn’t know you’re bffs with this woman.

 

**Katya:** She makes really good enchiladas…

 

**Hana:** They’re the best.

 

**Brigitte:** So good!

 

**Satya:** I hate to interrupt the drama on this chat but I have been moving the payload by myself.

**Satya:** Where are you guys?

 

**Lena:** Watching the drama and Zarya literally breaking down.

 

**Hana:** I think she stopped working…

 

**Fareeha:** @Mei, your girlfriend has stopped working.

 

**Mei:** Why are you guys like this?

 

**Lena:** Sombra is like this. We just watched it all happen.

 

**Sombra:** Guilty as charged.

 

**Jesse:** Oh yeah, does Talon have another healer?

 

**Sombra:** No.

 

**Jesse:** Well, Fareeha fell on Moira while they were fighting and I think her neck is broken.

 

**Widowmaker:** You’re just telling us this now? I needed healing like 20 minutes ago.

 

**Angela:** You guys can just get another healer, right?

 

**Doomfist:** Angela, we understand your hatred against Moira but she is our only healer so can you not kill her?

 

**Angela:** Well excuse me that my fiancée's ass is so rock hard that it breaks bones.

 

**Lena:** It’s a good booty.

 

**Genji:** Not as good as mine.

 

**Jesse:** Where the fuck have you been?

 

**Genji:** I took a nap.

 

**Fareeha:** Where?

 

**Genji:** I think we have more concerning problems than where I have been sleeping.

 

**Hana:** Like the fact that Zarya stopped working.

 

**Katya:** Is this really Overwatch?

 

**Angela:** Yes.

 

**Jesse:** The one and only.

 

**Fareeha:** We are Overwatch.

 

**Katya:** Гавно…

**Katya:** What has this world come to?

 

**Reaper:** Says the woman who got aid from Omnics despite being anti-omnic.

 

**Katya:** You guys had one job to kill me but you couldn’t. The purple stick figure and the edgy goth kid couldn’t kill me but the noodle leg hacker could threaten me within 5 minutes and get her way. So what does that say about Talon?

 

**Jesse:** TWO BURNS IN ONE DAY DAAAAMN!!!!!

 

**Hana:** Wow…

 

**Lena:** @Mei we need some ice on these burns.

 

**Mei:** Can you guys just finish the mission?

 

**Reaper:** SOMBRA WAS THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP THE PLAN!!!

 

**Sombra:** Okay, back then, you and Widowmaker didn’t want to be friends with me so I like, “Fuck it, I’ll go blackmail someone to be my friend.”

**Sombra:** AND KATYA I DO NOT HAVE NOODLE LEGS!!!

 

**Katya:** You have noodle legs.

 

**Sombra:** I DO NOT!

 

**Widowmaker:** You don’t even wear shoes.

 

**Sombra:** YOU GO COMMANDO UNDER YOUR OUTFIT SO STFU WIDOWMAKER!

 

**Widowmaker:** I will post pictures of that ugly haircut you had when you first joined Talon.

**Widowmaker:** You know. The haircut that screams, “I want to talk to your manager because I am displeased with my service.”

 

**Sombra:** Don’t make me mention the time Moira forgot to take out the tubes out of your head and you look like you had dreadlocks for weeks.

 

**Widowmaker:** Remember your white chicken butt hair on Christmas last year?

 

**Sombra:** FUCK YOU GO MAKE OUT WITH SATYA!

 

**Widowmaker:** Mature, Sombra.

 

**Katya:** So Talon and Overwatch share this chat and this is what you guys do?

 

**Angela:** Pretty much.

 

**Jesse:** It’s entertaining.

 

**Hana:** It’s hilarious.

 

**Lena:** It could be worse. We could be killing each other.

 

**Widowmaker:** Tempting.

 

**Fareeha:** In all seriousness, I think Moira needs a doctor…

 

**Reaper:** She IS our doctor…

 

**Angela:** Well, sucks for her.

 

**Doomfist:** Can you just heal her, Angela?

 

**Angela:** Nah, she should be grateful she is going to die by my fiancée’s rock hard ass.

 

**Genji:** Mine’s better.

 

**Lena:** Nah, Fareeha is better.

 

**Hana:** I would argue Brigitte got the better booty.

 

**Brigitte:** Aw shucks!

 

**Jesse:** Hanzo has a nice butt.

 

**Junkrat:** JUNKER QUEEN HAS A NICEST BUTT THAN ANY ONE OF YOU GUYS!

 

**Roadhog:** That I can agree on.

 

**Katya:** ...What is wrong with you guys??

 

**Satya:** Hi, I’m still moving the payload. You’re welcome.

 

**Jesse:** Thanks Satya!

 

**Angela:** You doing great, girl.

 

**Hana:** Thanks for moving it!

 

**Lena:** Thanks!

 

**Widowmaker:** Back to Moira, can anyone just heal her?

 

**Angela:** No. 

 

**Widowmaker:** Anyone besides you, Doctor Saggy Asscheeks.

 

**Angela:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

**Jesse:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Can we not?

 

**Genji:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

 

**Hana:** FIGHT FIGHT FIIIIIGHT!

 

**Sombra:** FIGHT FIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!

 

**Reaper:** No! We just want our healer to be healed!!

 

**Angela:** Maybe your healer shouldn’t have been picking a fight with my baby and get her neck crushed by her booty?

 

**Doomfist:** MAYBE YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOUR HATE ON MOIRA AND JUST HELP US FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!

 

**Angela:** WHY WOULD I HELP SOMEONE WHO STOLE MY WORK AND MADE IT THEIR OWN!!???

 

**Reaper:** CAN YOU JUST BE A NICE PERSON AND HEAL MOIRA!???

 

**Angela:** COULD YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SO FUCKING PETTY WHEN JACK GOT CHOSEN OVER YOU AND YOU HAD A FUCKING BITCH FIT THAT CAUSED THE END OF OVERWATCH YOU WHINY SON OF A BITCH!!!!

 

**Reaper:** FUCK YOU ANGELA!!! YOU HYPOCRITICAL PACIFIST!!

 

**Angela:** SAYS THE WHINY LITTLE BITCH THAT CAME CRAWLING BACK TO JACK TO SUCK HIS DICK!!!

 

**Reaper:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

**Jesse:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

**Hana:** DAMN ANGELA DAAAMMNNN

 

**Genji:** THREE BURNS IN ONE DAY!????? AND THEY KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!!!!

 

**Doomfist:** You made Reaper storm off without us…

 

**Widowmaker:** And we still have a healer with a broken neck.

 

**Moira:** Wow. You guys care about me?

**Moira:** I’m touched.

 

**Angela:** Ew, you’re still alive?

**Angela:** Let me come finish you off.

 

**Moira:** @WIDOWMAKER @SOMBRA @DOOMFIST HELP SHE IS COMING BACK AND I CAN’T MOVE!!!

 

**Doomfist:** DON’T YOU DARE ANGELA!!!! SHE’S OUR ONLY HEALER!!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** I will snipe your head off, Dr. Titty Wrinkles.

 

**Sombra:** LMFAAAOOOOOOOOOO GOD THIS IS JUST HILARIOUS!!!!

 

**Doomfist:** HELP US SOMBRA!!!!!!

 

**Sombra:** NAH BITCH I WANT TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT!!

 

**Moira:** HELP ME!!!!

 

**Doomfist:** METEOR STRIKE!!!

 

XXX

 

**Fareeha:** How did we end up like this?

 

**Jesse:** I think the more important question is how did Doomfist’s Meteor Stike fix Moira’s broken neck?

 

**Angela:** She got lucky.

 

**Moira:** WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH ANGER IN YOU?!

 

**Angela:** YOU TELL ME BITCH!!!!

 

**Hana:** Stop, I’m crying. Today’s mission is fucking hilarious.

 

**Lena:** It’s never a boring day when we fight with Talon.

 

**Reaper:** FUCK YOU ALL!!!

 

**Genji:** Go suck Jack’s dick.

 

**Reaper:** HANZO SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN PIECES!!!!

 

**Genji:** You need to chill, man. Peace and tranquility, Gabe. Come on.

 

**Reaper:** FUCK YOU!!!!

 

**Jesse:** lol angry much?

 

**Orisa:** Do you need a hug, Reaper?

 

**Reaper:** Yes…

 

**Jesse:** @Jack your boyfriend needs a hug!

 

**Jack:** What the fuck happened to this chat?

**Jack:** Angela, what the fuck?

 

**Angela:** Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me, Jack!

 

**Jack:** Did you really have to get personal with Gabe?

 

**Angela:** I don’t like being told what to do.

 

**Jack:** I didn’t like how you gossiped to the media about Gabe and I’s drifting relationship back when early Overwatch was breaking apart.

 

**Angela:** You get to bend him over on your lap every night now, Jack. Shut the fuck up, it all worked out in the end.

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** You know I did see you and Jesse smooching it up on his 21st birthday.

 

**Angela:** WE WERE BOTH DRUNK, JACK!!!

**Angela:** I WANTED TO VOMIT FOR HOURS ONCE I SOBERED UP!!!

 

**Jesse:** HOW DID YOU SEE THAT, JACK!?? YOU DIDN’T COME TO MY 21ST BDAY PARTY!?

**Jesse:** ANGELA??? WOW BITCH FUCK YOU!! 

 

**Fareeha:** Thank you, Jesse.

 

**Jesse:** ??

 

**Fareeha:** Thank you for helping Angela realize her true sexuality by mentally scarring her with your drunk kisses.

 

**Jesse:** WOW WTF FAREEHA!!!

 

**Hana:** A FOURTH BURN OF THE DAY WOW THIS DAY IS JUST AMAZING!!!

 

**Angela:** MY BABY GOT MY BACK BITCHES!!!!

 

**Katya:** Is this normal…?

 

**Sombra:** Very normal, amiga.

 

**Satya:** And I’m just moving this fucking payload all by myself with no one helping me. You are all so fucking welcome you illiterate fucking imbeciles. 

 

**Angela:** Calm down, Satya.

 

**Jesse:** Just chill, girl.

 

**Fareeha:** You need to relax, Satya.

 

**Genji:** Peace and tranquility, Satya.

 

**Hana:** Chiiiilll girl.

 

**Lena:** It’s just a payload.

 

**Widowmaker:** She has every right to be annoyed with you all.

**Widowmaker:** You guys are just messing around on the chat rather than completing the mission.

 

**Fareeha:** Why don’t you come back and comfort your ‘ mon chaton’?

 

**Satya:** She doesn’t need to come back because we aren’t in a relationship.

 

**Jesse:** Are you guys still denying your relationship?

 

**Lena:** We have seen you two in the same room…

 

**Sombra:** I will gladly post the texts.

 

**Satya:** I want to leave Overwatch.

 

**Reaper:** You can try but you’ll somehow end up coming back.

 

**Satya:** Unlike you, I don’t bend myself over for anyone in Overwatch so I think I will be fine. Thanks for the advice, though.

 

**Sombra:** GABE SHE GOT YOU GOOD LMFAO!!!!!

 

**Reaper:** SHUT UP!!!

 

**Hana:** Satya may not bend over for anyone in Overwatch but she might for someone in Talon.

 

**Satya:** ...Amélie, you can say it.

 

**Widowmaker:** Fine. Satya and I are in a romantic relationship. Happy?

 

**Hana:** Oh, this is just the beginning. Now we got to decide where you two stand on the coupling hierarchy.

 

**Satya:** What…?

 

**Angela:** Fareeha and I are on the top. Then Hana and her gfs. Then Ana and Reinhardt. Then Jesse and Hanzo. Then Mei and Zarya. Then Jack and Gabe. Possibly Bastion and Orisa. And Lena and Emily are kinda on their own tier.

**Angela:** You and Widowmaker might land between Jack/Gabe and Bastion/Orisa.

 

**Satya:** ...Thanks?

 

**Widowmaker:** Jesus Christ…

  
**Katya:** All of a sudden my dealings with the omnics doesn’t look so bad compared to this chat...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag yourself. I'm Satya moving the FUCKING PAYLOAD ALL BY MYSELF AND MY TEAMMATES DON'T EVEN GIVE ME A FUCKING THANK YOU!!
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	32. Conceal Don't Feel

**Hanzo:** What is all that screaming down there?

 

**Lena:** ONLY THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN ON THIS BASE!!!

 

**Hanzo:** ??

 

**Hana:** I’m dying! 

**Hana:** I’m so dead! 

**Hana:** LMFAO

 

**Hanzo:** ??

 

**Lúcio:** I can not believe Jesse is this dumb.

 

**Fareeha:** I think he’s going to actually cry.

**Fareeha:** But this is hilarious!

 

**Hanzo:** What did you guys do to Jesse?

 

**Hana:** We didn’t do anything!

**Hana:** That’s what makes it funnier!!!!

 

**Hanzo:** ?

 

**Lena:** Hanzo, come here and let us cover your tattoos!!!

 

**Hanzo:** Why?

 

**Fareeha:** To see if Jesse will still recognize you!

 

**Hanzo:** What?

 

**Hana:** Jesse can’t recognize Fareeha and I’m crying so much!

**Hana:** LMFAO!!!!

 

**Hanzo:** ...

**Hanzo:** I’m still confused…

 

**Genji:** Okay, bro.

**Genji:** Here’s what is going on.

**Genji:** Hana got a PR package from a makeup brand with foundations of all skin shades that can cover up tattoos.

**Genji:** So Hana used it on Fareeha and covered her eye tattoo.

**Genji:** And Fareeha went over to Jesse.

**Genji:** I SHIT YOU NOT THAT JESSE CAN’T RECOGNIZE FAREEHA AND HE THINKS SHE’S A STRANGER ON THE BASE THAT’S TRYING TO HARASS HIM!!!

 

**Hanzo:** Please tell me you’re joking…

 

**Lúcio:** I wish!!!

**Lúcio:** He keeps screaming whenever Fareeha comes near!

 

**Fareeha:** I’m so done. 

**Fareeha:** I haven’t laughed this hard since Angela’s Winston voice impression.

 

**Lena:** I AM GOING TO PEE 

**Lena:** THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS!!!

 

**Hana:** @REINHARDT COME HERE!!!! 

**Hana:** I WANT TO COVER YOUR SCAR!!!

 

**Reinhardt:** OKAY!

 

**Hanzo:** Dear Kami…

**Hanzo:** I have no words for this…

 

**Jesse:** DARLING SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING ON!!!

**Jesse:** THERE’S A WOMAN THAT LOOKS LIKE FAREEHA THAT KEEPS CHASING ME AROUND!!!

 

**Fareeha:** It’s me, Jesse.

 

**Jesse:** WHERE ARE YOU?!

 

**Fareeha:** Right in front of you.

 

**Jesse:** BULLSHIT

**Jesse:** THAT PERSON IS NOT YOU!

 

**Lúcio:** LMFAO AHAHAHAH

**Lúcio:** JESSE IT IS FAREEHA!!!

 

**Jesse:** IT IS NOT

**Jesse:** FAREEHA HAS A TATTOO UNDER HER EYE!!

 

**Fareeha:** I have makeup covering it.

 

**Jesse:** LIKE I WOULD BELIEVE THAT!!!!

 

**Hana:** YOU’RE RIGHT JESSE! 

**Hana:** IT’S SOMEONE ELSE!!!

**Hana:** RUN BITCH RUN!

 

**Hanzo:** Guys, stop...

 

**Jesse:** SEE!!!! NOW SOMEONE COME CHASE THIS WOMAN OUT!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** LMFAO!!!!

 

**Genji:** Jesse, come to the living room.

**Genji:** Reinhardt and I will help you!

 

**Jesse:** ON MY WAY!!!

 

**Lena:** Oh my god lmao

 

**Fareeha:** This is so funny!

 

**Jesse:** WHO THE FUCK IS IN THE LIVING ROOM DRESSED AS GENJI AND REINHARDT!!!!

**Jesse:** @GENJI @REINHARDT WHERE ARE YOU TWO!?

 

**Genji:** IT IS US!!

 

**Jesse:** BULLSHIT!!!!

 

**Hana:** AJHFSKHFKLSHLGKAEFGH

**Hana:** I CAN’T THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!!

 

**Ana:** What is going on…?

 

**Fareeha:** MUM COME HERE IN THE KITCHEN!

 

**Ana:** Okay?

 

**Jesse:** ANA THERE ARE PEOPLE DRESSED LIKE OTHER AGENTS THAT ARE TRYING TO INVADE THE BASE!!!

 

**Ana:** ?

**Ana:** No there isn’t.

 

**Jesse:** THERE’S SOMEONE THAT LOOKS LIKE FAREEHA THAT’S RUNNING AROUND THE BASE!

 

**Ana:** Fareeha is right next to me?

 

**Jesse:** REALLY? 

**Jesse:** LET ME COME TO YOU!

 

**Ana:** Sure?

 

**Genji:** How has he not figured it out?

**Genji:** We even told him it was makeup.

 

**Hana:** HANZO YOUR BOYFRIEND IS SUCH A FUCKING ONE IN A MILLION!!!

 

**Hanzo:** You guys are just bullying him…

 

**Lena:** He makes it so easy!

 

**Jesse:** ANA WHERE ARE YOU!!!!????

**Jesse:** I WENT INTO THE KITCHEN AND I FOUND THE FAREEHA LOOK ALIKE AND SOME OLD LADY WITH HER!!!!

 

**Ana:** RUDE!

 

**Jesse:** ANA WHERE ARE YOU!??

 

**Ana:** IT WAS ME IN THE KITCHEN!!!

 

**Jesse:** DID I MISS YOU!???

 

**Ana:** YOU SCREAMED AT ME!!!

 

**Jesse:** I’M CONFUSED!!!

**Jesse:** THAT WASN’T YOU!

 

**Ana:** IT IS!

 

**Jesse:** BULLSHIT!

 

**Jack:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?

 

**Jesse:** JACK THE BASE IS BEING INVADED BY PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE OTHER AGENTS!!!!

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** I don’t want to know anymore…

 

**Jesse:** JACK HELP!

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse, it’s just the agents with makeup on.

 

**Jesse:** BULLSHIT!

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse, we can show you…

 

**Jesse:** I DON’T BELIEVE IT.

 

**Hanzo:** Oh my god…

 

**Genji:** ISN’T HE SUCH A CATCH!?

 

**Hanzo:** Shut up, Genji.

 

**Hana:** I 

**Hana:** REALLY

**Hana:** CAN’T

**Hana:** LMFAO!!!!

 

**Jesse:** YOU GUYS NEED TO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!

**Jesse:** HELP ME CHASE THESE PEOPLE OUT!!!!

 

**Hana:** @Zarya Come to the living room!

 

**Zarya:** No.

 

**Hana:** I’ll get my gf to post the texts you share with Mei.

 

**Zarya:** Fine, I’ll come down.

 

**Hana:** @Jesse, come to the living room.

 

**Jesse:** I don’t trust you…

 

**Hana:** Let me show you what is going on.

**Hana:** Have I ever tried to trick you?

 

**Jesse:** YES

 

**Hana:** Okay, well…

**Hana:** Trust me this time.

 

**Jesse:** Are you really going to help me?

 

**Hana:** Yes, I’ll help you.

**Hana:** Come here.

 

**Jesse:** Alright, I’m coming…

 

XXX

 

**Lena:** JESSE IT’S ZARYA!

**Lena:** YOU SAW IT HAPPEN!!!!

**Lena:** HANA DID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

 

**Hana:** jdszfjfhlsalkjghldjfghakslhghdgsdj

 

**Jesse:** BULLSHIT THAT’S NOT ZARYA!!!!

 

**Lúcio:** I AM FUCKING DEAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Lúcio:** JESSE IS SO FUCKING DUMB!!!!!

 

**Zarya:** @Hanzo, your boyfriend could use some brain cells.

 

**Hanzo:** ...

**Hanzo:** I’m coming down so you can cover my tattoo.

 

**Hana:** YES!!

 

**Jesse:** NO DARLING IT’S A TRAP!

 

**Hanzo:** Good.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** WHERE’S MY HUCKLEBERRY?!

**Jesse:** @HANZO SOME MAN THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU TRIED TO KISS ME!

**Jesse:** HELP!

 

**Hanzo:** Oh, poor you.

**Hanzo:** Poor, poor you.

**Hanzo:** Why don’t you just go back to the room and take a nap?

**Hanzo:** Maybe that’ll calm you down.

 

**Jesse:** Okie okie i try

 

**Genji:** LMFAOKJDSFHHFLGKJGHDJFKG

 

**Hana:** I NEVER SEEN JESSE RUN SO FAST!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** OH MY FUCKING GOD HAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

**Hanzo:** Guys, I think he’s drunk.

**Hanzo:** I smelled booze off of him.

 

**Lúcio:** Are you really going to make us believe that he’s too drunk to understand what is going on?

**Lúcio:** It’s easier to say he’s just dumb.

 

**Hanzo:** No sane person is this dumb to fall for this stupid prank…

 

**Fareeha:** Except for Jesse.

 

**Hanzo:** No, he’s just drunk…

 

**Hana:** And dumb

 

 **Fareeha:** Who drinks at 1pm?

 

 **Hana:** An idiot.

 

**Hanzo:** Fine. Believe what you want. The prank is over.

 

**Hana:** OKIEEEEE

 

**Lúcio:** Best day ever!

 

**Lena:** You said it!

 

**Fareeha:** I’m never going to let him live this down.

 

**Ana:** I’m going to make sure he sleeps forever…

 

**Hanzo:** Please don’t sleep dart him, Ana…

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** Hey, the team is about 5 minutes away and we have a lot of stuff to carry back to the base.

**Angela:** Can you guys help us out when we come?

 

**Hana:** okie!

 

**Lena:** We’re heading out to meet you guys.

 

**Fareeha:** Angela, you will not believe what happened today while you and the team were gone!

**Fareeha:** You should scroll up to see what happened.

 

**Angela:** Maybe later, baby. I’m really tired and I’m busy tending to Hammond’s wounds.

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** I just finished reading the chat.

**Satya:** How does this happen?

 

**Genji:** Jesse is just fucking dumb.

 

**Hanzo:** He was drunk.

 

**Lena:** And dumb.

 

**Hanzo:** If he wasn’t drunk he would see through your stupid prank.

**Hanzo:** No one is this ‘dumb’ to fall for it.

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** FAREEHA HELP ME!!!!

**Angela:** THERE IS A WOMAN THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU THAT TRIED TO KISS ME!!!

**Angela:** BABY IM SCARED PLEASE BEAT HER UP!!

 

**Fareeha:** It was me, Angela.

**Fareeha:** Hana covered my tattoo with makeup.

 

**Angela:** BULLSHIT!!!

 

**Hanzo:** ...

**Hanzo:** Please tell me you aren’t serious…

 

**Mei:** We saw it happen right in front of us…

**Mei:** Angela screamed and ran off…

 

**Satya:** I want to leave Overwatch…

 

**Lúcio:** Bye then!

 

**Hana:** LMFAO ANGELA YEETED HERSELF OUT OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

 

**Lena:** I AM SO DONE HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

**Ana:** …

**Ana:** It still baffles me that Angela and Jesse aren’t the reason for early Overwatch’s disbandment…

 

**Hanzo:** It baffles me that Angela, a woman of medical knowledge, didn’t recognize her own fiancée without the tattoo…

 

**Genji:** So Hanzo, ready to admit that Jesse is just dumb?

 

**Hanzo:** HE WAS DRUNK!

 

**Lena:** Angela wasn’t.

**Lena:** Is she dumb, Hanzo?

 

**Hanzo:** I have no comment.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Angela and Fareeha:**

 

**Fareeha:** Honey, it’s me.

**Fareeha:** Please come back!

**Fareeha:** I took the makeup off.

**Fareeha:** Where are you?

**Fareeha:** Come back!

**Fareeha:** Don’t be scared anymore.

 

**Angela:** I threw up.

 

**Fareeha:** ??

 

**Angela:** I’m really sick, baby.

**Angela:** I’m behind the base.

**Angela:** Come pick me up.

**Angela:** Pwease?

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”:**

 

**Fareeha:** So Angela is really sick and that may be the reason why she didn’t recognize me.

 

**Satya:** Oh yes, Doctor Ziegler is pretty sick. She has a really high fever.

 

**Lúcio:** You could’ve mentioned that earlier??

 

**Hanzo:** I TOLD YOU THAT NO ONE IS THAT ‘DUMB’ TO FALL FOR YOUR STUPID PRANKS!

 

**Junkrat:** HEY!

**Junkrat:** Who is the ninja that looks like Genji in the kitchen?

**Junkrat:** And why is there someone who looks like Zarya in the gym?

**Junkrat:** AND why is there a guy that looks like Hanzo right in front of me?

**Junkrat:** Who are these people?

 

**Hanzo:** He’s an exception.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “Talon”:**

 

**Moira:** THERE IS SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE WIDOWMAKER WALKING AROUND THE BASE!

 

**Sombra:** BITCH I SAW HER TOO!!!!

 

**Reaper:** YOU GUYS SAW HER TOO?!

**Reaper:** I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY TIRED!!

 

**Doomfist:** It is Widowmaker...

 

**Moira:** BULLSHIT!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** It is me. I tried this foundation that can conceal very well.

 

**Sombra:** YOUR SKIN ISN’T BLUE???

 

**Widowmaker:** That’s kinda the point…

 

**Moira:** I CALL HACKS!

 

**Sombra:** THAT IS MY LINE!!!!

 

**Reaper:** WE HAVE TO PROTECT THE BASE FROM THIS WOMAN!

**Reaper:** TEAM ASSEMBLE!

 

 **Sombra** : ROGER!

 

 **Moira:** ON MY WAY!

 

**Doomfist:** Oh my god…

 

**Widowmaker:** I should have done this years ago.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are they dumb? Or just sick/drunk/tired? You decide.
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	33. What Really Happened...

**Jesse added Ashe to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Ashe:** What’s up, fuckups?

 

**Jack:** Can we stop adding people to the chat that aren’t a part of Overwatch?!

 

**Jesse:** No.

**Jesse:** Lol

 

**Angela:** Hey biiiiiitch!

 

**Ashe:** Biiiiiiiitch!

 

**Angela:** Biooooootttch!

 

**Ashe:** Biaaaaaaatch!

 

**Angela:** BBBIIIIIiiiiIIIIIiiiiiTTTCH!

 

**Ashe:** Biotche!

 

**Jesse:** AAAAAAYYYYE

 

**Ashe:** Ew no. 

**Ashe:** You fucking ruined it, Jesse.

 

**Jesse:** I added you to this chat!!

 

**Ashe:** After I had to aim my gun at you.

 

**Jesse:** You are so ungrateful….

 

**Ashe:** It would be fucking nice if you will talk to me like a decent human being since we are in the same jail cell together.

 

**Angela:** Jesse is in jail?

 

**Ashe:** Yah.

 

**Angela:** Good.

 

**Ashe:** I know, right?

 

**Hanzo:** How?

**Hanzo:** Why?

**Hanzo:** When?

 

**Ashe:** Hey, sugar! What’s up?

 

**Hanzo:** I am doing well, Elizabeth. 

**Hanzo:** Care to tell me what is going on?

 

**Jack:** Please?

 

**Ashe:** He stole my bike.

 

**Jesse:** *Borrowed

 

**Ashe:** STOLE

 

**Jesse:** BORROWED

 

**Ashe:** STOLE

 

**Jesse:** BORROWED

 

**Ashe:** And he decapitated Bob’s head.

 

**Angela:** WHAT THE FUCK JESSE??

 

**Hanzo:** Jesse, why?

 

**Genji:** BOB’S HEAD IS WHAT?

 

**Ashe:** Hey, butter butt. How are you?

 

**Genji:** Don’t call me butter butt…

 

**Ashe:** I’m not the one who sat in warm butter.

 

**Hanzo:** Only Genji would...

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Angela:** What happened to your bike?

 

**Ashe:** Deepshit fucking crashed it…

 

**Jesse:** I wouldn’t have crashed it if your stupid dynamite didn’t go off!

 

**Ashe:** Can you fucking talk to me face to face like a gentleman? 

**Ashe:** I don’t like staring at your hairy ass.

 

**Hanzo:** Did the explosion burn a hole Jesse’s pants?

 

**Ashe:** Yeah so I’m stuck with a dislocated Bob head and an ugly ass in my face.

 

**Jesse:** You’re just jealous your butt doesn’t look as nice as mine.

 

**Ashe:** My ass isn’t a fucking forest.

 

**Jesse:** At least my butt isn’t sagging

 

**Ashe:** You are such a fucking prick.

 

**Angela:** Tell me about it…

 

**Ashe:** How do you deal with this guy, 20 years later?

 

**Angela:** I have no fucking clue.

 

**Jesse:** You love me!

 

**Ashe:** Ew

**Ashe:** Go love your hubby.

 

**Jesse:** Maybe if I get out of fucking jail, I will!

 

**Ashe:** Can you at least cover your fucking ass?

 

**Jesse:** No.

**Jesse:** Stay mad about it.

 

**Genji:** Jesse, why did you leave for America?

 

**Jesse:** To go find a friend

**Jesse:** Echo

 

**Angela:** Oh my god!

**Angela:** You found her!?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah I released her before albino hag got to it.

 

**Ashe:** I was just curious about what was in the fucking box and you went on ahead to have a bitch fit!

 

**Jesse:** What part of ‘None of your damn business’ did you not get?

 

**Ashe:** Why do I even bother?

 

**Jack:** What happened to Echo?

 

**Jesse:** I just sent her on her way here.

 

**Jack:** Does she know how to get here?

 

**Jesse:** She should. 

**Jesse:** I gave her directions.

 

**Ashe:** Did you?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah.

**Jesse:** Wait…

**Jesse:** Oh fuck…

 

**Jack:** Jesse…

**Jack:** You did give her directions….right?

 

**Jesse:** Maybe…

 

**Angela:** JESSE YOU KNOW SHE IS ACTUALLY HAS A BAD SENSE OF DIRECTIONS?!!

 

**Jesse:** I think she’s fine…

 

**Jack:** Where is she, Jesse?

 

**Jesse:** She was on Route 66 when I left with Ashe’s bike…

 

**Ashe:** That you stole…

 

**Jesse:** BORROWED!

 

**Jack:** YOU FUCKING LEFT HER ALL ALONE IN THE FUCKING DESERT?!

 

**Jesse:** I thought she was going to be fine…

 

**Genji:** How did you find her?

 

**Jesse:** She was in a box, stuck on a train that Ashe blew up…

 

**Angela:** SO YOU FUCKING LEFT HER ALL ALONE IN A PLACE SHE HAD NO CLUE WHERE SHE WAS AT?

 

**Jesse:** I told her to go find the monkey!

 

**Angela:** Winston?

 

**Jesse:** Who else?

 

**Angela:** I DON’T THINK ECHO WOULD REMEMBER WINSTON!!!!!

 

**Jesse:** I told her he was a scientist!

 

**Angela:** THAT IS STILL FUCKING VAGUE!!!!!

 

**Jack:** YOU LEFT ECHO ALL BY HERSELF!!!!?????

 

**Jesse:** I SAVED HER!

 

**Ashe:** I beg to differ.

 

**Jesse:** YOU ALMOST TRIED TO KILL ME!

 

**Ashe:** YOU ALMOST BLEW ME UP!

 

**Jack:** Jesse, no more running off on solo missions…

 

**Ashe:** You guys should pay for a new bike for me

 

**Angela:** Sure.

 

**Jack:** No…

 

**Angela:** Fucking rude, Jack.

 

**Ashe:** How do you deal with these people, Angela?

 

**Angela:** I really have no clue…

 

**Hana:** Hi, what the fuck is going on and who the fuck is Ashe?

 

**Ashe:** I like this kid already.

 

**Hana:** I’m a charmer.

 

**Lena:** Ooooo is this Jesse’s crazy ex?

 

**Ashe:** If I was his crazy ex, he wouldn’t even be in jail with me.

**Ashe:** He would be dead.

 

**Jesse:** That is true.

 

**Lúcio:** So...is anyone going to find this Echo?

 

**Jack:** Maybe if Jesse didn’t fuck up and leave her behind…

 

**Jesse:** I’m sure she’s fine.

**Jesse:** Can’t we track her?

 

**Angela:** Did you give her a tracking device?

 

**Jesse:** Oh…

**Jesse:** I forgot that too.

 

**Angela:** Oh 

**Angela:** Mein

**Angela:** Fucking

**Angela:** Gott

 

**Jesse:** Shut up...

 

**Hana:** Poor Echo…

 

**Lena:** He already fucked up someone’s life…

 

**Jack:** How did you even know where to find her?

 

**Jesse:** Easy!

**Jesse:** I was just in the right place at the right time!

**Jesse:** And I had the missing piece to wake her up!

 

**Ashe:** That’s honestly more believable than him actually finding her on his own…

 

**Jesse:** Rude.

 

**Hana:** But now she’s wandering in the desert in America, having no clue on where to go.

 

**Ashe:** Yep

**Ashe:** Poor gal

 

**Jesse:** I have 3rd degree burns on my asscheeks but okay fine

 

**Hanzo:** Can you two find her when you get out of jail?

 

**Ashe:** When we get out of jail…

**Ashe:** That might be a while...

**Ashe:** We may or may not have accidentally blew up a small town when we were fighting after my bike...

 

**Jack:** Why am I not surprised?

 

**Hanzo:** Oh my kami…

 

**Hana:** I like this Ashe.

**Hana:** She sounds really cool.

 

**Jesse:** She’s really not.

 

**Ashe:** I am cool.

 

**Angela:** Cooler than you.

 

**Jesse:** Ruuuuude!

 

**Fareeha:** …

**Fareeha:** Are we really not going to do anything to help this Echo?

 

**Angela:** Jesse gave her no directions, no tracking devices, she has no sense of direction, and she’s stuck in America of all places.

**Angela:** We would have a better chance if she got lost in the ocean…

 

**Ashe:** HEY FAREEHA!

 

**Fareeha:** Hi Ashe.

 

**Ashe:** So the little chopsticks that I saved from Jesse grew up to lasso the hot Swiss doctor, huh?

 

**Jesse:** Saved?

**Jesse:** I was trying to protect her from you!

 

**Fareeha:** It’s been a while, Ashe.

 

**Ashe:** Congrats, young lady.

**Ashe:** You are one lucky little rascal.

 

**Fareeha:** Thanks!

 

**Angela:** You will come to the wedding? Right?

 

**Ashe:** Am I not going to be the flower girl?

 

**Hana:** Wait, I’m going to be the flower girl!

 

**Ashe:** Then I’ll be the one to marry you two.

 

**Jesse:** That’s my job.

 

**Ashe:** Bridesmaid?

 

**Angela:** We’re not doing that.

 

**Ashe:** What can I be?

**Ashe:** Surely you won’t let your soul sister just sit in the audience and do nothing to help this wedding?

 

**Angela:** You can be the one to walk me down the aisle.

 

**Ashe:** Okay, I can do that!

 

**Genji:** Hey, that was my job!

 

**Angela:** Well

**Angela:** Not anymore

**Angela:** You’ve been discharged.

 

**Genji:** WOW

 

**Ashe:** Get fucked, Genji!

 

**Genji:** Go suck Jesse’s hairy ass!

 

**Ashe:** At least I would be getting more than you.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Fareeha:** Can’t Sombra do something about this?

 

**Sombra:** What’s up?

**Sombra:** You called?

**Sombra:** HEEEEYYY ASHE!

**Sombra:** Widowmaker’s lookalike!!

 

**Ashe:** Oh my god…

 

**Widowmaker:** Hey.

 

**Ashe:** Hey.

 

**Jesse:** You know Talon?!

 

**Ashe:** They are some of my best drinking buddies.

 

**Reaper:** You’re telling me that you befriended the leader of the Deadlock Gang and none of you wanted to let me know????

 

**Sombra:** No.

 

**Widowmaker:** Nope.

 

**Moira:** Widowmaker’s lookalike?

 

**Sombra:** Doesn’t she look like Widowmaker?

 

**Ashe:** I don’t see it.

 

**Widowmaker:** Me too.

 

**Jesse:** I see it.

 

**Ashe:** Shut up.

 

**Angela:** Sombra, would you be able to track Echo?

 

**Sombra:** Who?

 

**Angela:** She’s an acquaintance of Overwatch.

 

**Sombra:** I’m sorry, if I don’t know much on who I’m looking into, it’s a dud for me.

 

**Genji:** So...Echo is fucked and we may never see her again?

 

**Jack:** Apparently…

 

**Hana:** Anyone up for ice cream?

 

**Angela:** Yeah, sure.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m down.

 

**Genji:** Okay.

 

**Hanzo:** Sure.

 

**Jack:** Alright.

 

**Lena:** Be right down!

 

**Lúcio:** Coming!

 

**Sombra:** I’ll go too!

 

**Jesse:** No one wants to bail me out?!

 

**Hanzo:** Stay in there and think about what you have done.

 

**Angela:** Bond with Ashe.

 

**Ashe:** Yeah. We have some issues we need to address…

**Ashe:** LIKE MY FUCKING BIKE YOU STOLE!

  
**Jesse:** I BORROWED IT!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is prolly the only time I mention Echo until more information is released on her...but real talk...Jesse just fucking left her there all alone...
> 
> Tumblr @kokoro--nerd


	34. Sanjay Likes What?

**Moira:** Alright, where’s the red-eyed fucking hag?

 **Moira:** @Jesse? Where the fuck is she?!

 

 **Jesse:** Ashe?

 

 **Ashe:** Ya called, sugar?

 

 **Moira:** There you are!

 

 **Ashe:** Yes, I’m here?

 **Ashe:** Actually, I’m a bit busy. I’m trying to teach Hana how to shoot a rifle.

 

 **Angela:** Wait, what?!

 **Angela:** Ashe, no!

 **Angela:** Do not teach Hana how to use a fucking rifle!

 

 **Sombra:** So the fact that she wields a fucking transformer machine with two machine guns doesn’t bother you?

 

 **Angela:** At least she’s safe in it.

 

 **Jesse:** Except when she nerfs herself out.

 

 **Angela:** Okay, stop. My mom senses are going crazy.

 

 **Ashe:** Gosh you’re such fucking mom hahahaha!!!

 

 **Moira:** I AM GOING CRAZY!

 **Moira:** I JUST REALIZE THAT ASHE IS THE SAME ASHE THAT USED HER MOUTH ON ANGELA FROM 20 YEARS AGO!

 **Moira:** COME AT ME ASHE I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU!!!

 

 **Fareeha:** Excuse me, I’m on this chat too…

 **Fareeha:** So rude...

 

 **Ashe:** Yeah! Don’t be makin rumors about me and Angie!

 **Ashe:** We soul sisters.

 **Ashe:** We broke bread together.

 

 **Jesse:** I was her soul brother first…

 

 **Ashe:** She likes me more, fuckface.

 

 **Angela:** I do.

 

 **Jesse:** Shut up…

 

 **Moira:** DOESN’T MATTER IMMA BEAT YOU UP ASHE!!

 

 **Angela:** What the actual fuck are you talking about, Moira?

 

 **Jesse:** LMFAO TALON I THINK YOUR HEALER IS GOING INSANE!!!!

 

 **Doomfist:** Not surprising…

 

 **Widowmaker:** Ah, Sombra. You owe me 20 dollars.

 

 **Sombra:** Damn, okay…

 **Sombra:** Damn it, Moira.

 **Sombra:** Why couldn’t you hold your sanity until after Xmas?

 

 **Doomfist:** You two made a bet on Moira’s sanity and didn’t include me?

 

 **Sombra:** We made the bet before you joined.

 

 **Doomfist:** Okay. Fair enough.

 

 **Widowmaker:** I do owe you a drink. Want one?

 **Widowmaker:** I’m going to Starbucks right now.

 

 **Doomfist:** Really?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Of course. I do owe you.

 

 **Doomfist:** Can I get a caramel macchiato?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Yeah, sure.

 

 **Reaper:** How wholesome~

 

 **Jesse:** Wow, you guys are so nice to each other!

 

 **Ashe:** Well, ain’t this sweet?

 

 **Angela:** Aw~

 

 **Fareeha:** Very pure~

 

 **Hana:** Cute.

 

 **Moira:** EXCUSE ME?????!!!!

 

 **Angela:** What the fuck do you want?

 

 **Moira:** I have business with Ashe!

 

 **Ashe:** I’m still waiting for an answer you rejected Ron Weasley.

 

 **Jesse:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

 **Angela:** OH GOD HAHAHAHHA!!!

 

 **Fareeha:** STOP STOP HAHAHAHA!!!!

 

 **Sombra:** OKAY THAT WAS GOOD!!!

 

 **Doomfist:** Dude, you made Widowmaker laugh.

 **Doomfist:** Like, she actually laughed.

 

 **Reaper:** Are you joking me?

 

 **Sombra:** Dude...really?

 

 **Doomfist:** I wish I recorded it but she really laughed…

 

 **Sombra:** No, I believe you.

 **Sombra:** That’s amazing...

 

 **Satya:** Really, Ashe? Angela was helping me with my prosthetic arm and she pulled a wire out when she read your text….

 

 **Widowmaker:** Really Angela?

 

 **Angela:** I’m sorry but I imagined Moira as Ron Weasley and it makes the franchise so much worse.

 

 **Jesse:** Don’t ruined Harry Potter…

 **Jesse:** Too late…

 

 **Genji:** Ugh, now I got to rewatch the entire series to get rid of Moira’s head on Ron’s body.

 

 **Fareeha:** STOP

 **Fareeha:** STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS!

 **Fareeha:** DON’T RUIN MY CHILDHOOD!

 

 **Moira:** YOU GUYS ARE REALLY FUCKING MEAN!

 

 **Reaper:** Not as mean as what Sanjay said at the last Talon meeting.

 

 **Doomfist:** I CRIED OMG

 

 **Sombra:** WAIT! What happened??

 **Sombra:** WAS THIS THE MEETING I MISSED BC I WAS SICK?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Yes.

 **Widowmaker:** Oh, this was good.

 

 **Reaper:** So we called for a meeting because we are discussing a new change and upgrade in Talon.

 **Reaper:** Sanjay’s first comment to that was, “Are we finally taking Moira out of Talon? Because her anime is ruining Talon’s image and we would be doing a huge favor to her if we just laid her off, not that she gets any in the first place so I guess we would be doing her a favor.”

 

 **Sombra:** OOOOOWWWWWWWWKJSDLKHGKHFGLJHDLKGJHKSLDJFGHLKSJDHGLKJSDHFGKJHSDLKGJHLDKSJGHLKSDJHKJSGHLKJDSFGHKJSDHLGKJHDLFKJHSKD

 **Sombra:** HE DIDN’T OMFG JKDSLKKLSDHFKLJADHSKJA;DKGS

 **Sombra:** GABE YOU ARE LYING!!!

 

 **Reaper:** Doomfist heard it too.

 **Reaper:** Widowmaker too.

 **Reaper:** Everyone at that meeting heard it.

 

 **Doomfist:** I cried. I couldn’t stop laughing.

 

 **Widowmaker:** Sanjay always knows exactly what to say to lighten the meeting and joke around.

 

 **Reaper:** Agreed.

 

 **Sombra:** I wish I was there! DAMN!!

 

 **Angela:** PPPPPHHFYJSDKJLAKDJGHKJDKGJHLKJSDGLSDLKJGHKLJSDHKLHDKJFGHKLSDJHGFKJDHSKLGJHKDSHFKGJHKDJFHKGJSHDKLJGLJDHRGKJHSDKJFGHKLSJDFGHKLDSFGHKJHDSKFJGHGKDHDFKJKSDHGKJHSKDLFH

 **Angela:** LMFAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **Jesse:** DAAAAAMMMMMNNN

 **Jesse:** WHEN EVEN TALON IS DONE WITH YOUR ANIME BULLSHIT, MOIRA!!

 

 **Ashe:** IM CRYING HAHAHAH

 

 **Fareeha:** Angela fell. She’s on the ground, laughing.

**Fareeha: *texts photo***

 

 **Hana:** You broke our healer.

 **Hana:** Good job.

 

 **Lena:** Dude, I just got on and read all of this.

 **Lena:** I need to recall because this shit is too fire!!!

 

 **Lúcio:** …

 **Lúcio:** Why does Sanjay’s name sound so familiar?

 

 **Genji:** MOIRA HAS BEEN ROASTED BY TALON THEMSELVES!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

 

 **Moira:** I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT ASHE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH ANGELA! NOT THIS BULLSHIT!!

 

 **Ashe:** Relationship?

 **Ashe:** I never dated Angela.

 

 **Moira:** Genji told me that Angela used her mouth to calm you down when you were attacking Jesse.

 

 **Ashe:** When was this?

 

 **Moira:** Like 20 years ago or so.

 

 **Ashe:** Hmm, @Genji?

 

 **Genji:** I don’t recall this.

 

 **Moira:** I have the texts to prove it!

 **Moira: *texts photo** *

 

 **Jesse:** You kept that for 20 years?

 

 **Sombra:** I dug it up for her.

 

 **Widowmaker:** Really? You willingly helped her?

 

 **Sombra:** She was going to pay me 20 bucks for them.

 

 **Reaper:** Okay, that makes more sense.

 

 **Widowmaker:** I wouldn’t be surprised if she did keep the screenshots for 20 years.

 

 **Sombra:** Me too.

 **Sombra:** Imagine my surprise when she asked me to dig them up.

 

 **Genji:** OH I REMEMBER THAT!

 **Genji:** I was really sad and tired that day.

 

 **Moira:** So...was this a lazy text?

 

 **Ashe:** YEAH YOU DUMB FUCK HAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

 **Genji:** HAHAHAHAHA GOD MOIRA YOU ARE A RIOT!

 

 **Angela:** STOP ROASTING MOIRA!

 

 **Moira:** W-what?

 

 **Jesse:** OH??

 

 **Fareeha:** HUH???

 

 **Genji:** Wat?

 

 **Sombra:** Wtf…

 

 **Hana:** ….

 

 **Lena:** Um…??

 

 **Lúcio:** WTFFFFFF????

 

 **Angela:** MY STOMACH HURTS SO MUCH PLS IMMA DIE FROM LAUGHING!!!

 

 **Fareeha:** PHEW

 

 **Jesse:** OH OKAY THAT’S FINE HAAHHAHAH

 

 **Genji:** That’s better!

 

 **Hana:** Thank god, I thought Angela lost her mind.

 

 **Moira:** FUCK YOU ALL! YOU WILL ALL MISS ME IF I DISAPPEAR!

 

 **Widowmaker:** Bye.

 

 **Reaper:** See yah.

 

 **Sombra:** Bye, girl.

 

 **Doomfist:** Good bye.

 

 **Moira:** FUCK YOU GUYS!!!

 

 **Satya:** Hold up. I didn’t see the chat because a certain Swiss woman threw my prosthetic arm out the window when she had a laughing fit.

 

 **Lúcio:** LMFAO HAHAHAH

 

 **Satya:** Shut up.

 **Satya:** Anyways, I wanted to confirm something.

 **Satya:** Talon, did you just say the name Sanjay?

 

 **Reaper:** Yeah?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Oh shit…

 

 **Satya:** Is his last name Korpal?

 

 **Reaper:** Yeah?

 

 **Doomfist:** Oh...shit…

 

 **Sombra:** I’m making popcorn if anyone wants some.

 

 **Reaper:** Why?

 

 **Sombra:** Because shit is about to go down.

 

 **Lúcio:** I FUCKING KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!! TALON AND VISHKAR ARE FUCKING IN THE SAME BED FUCK I KNEW IT I KNEW IT TAKE THAT SATYA FUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!!!!!

 **Lúcio:** NO ONE BELIEVED ME! NO ONE! THIS FUCKING WOMAN DIDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE ME AND NOW THE TRUTH IS OUT!

 **Lúcio:** I KNEW IT! SATYA I WAS FUCKING RIGHT! I WAS FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT VISHKAR!!!!!

 

 **Hana:** Ashe and I are making popcorn for Overwatch so come by and we will put the chat on the big screen.

 

 **Angela:** I’ll be there.

 

 **Fareeha:** Okie.

 

 **Jesse:** Coming

 

 **Genji:** I’ll set up the big screen

 

 **Lúcio:** BRO I AM SO FUCKING DOWN FOR THIS!

 **Lúcio:** @Overwatch @Seung-Hwa @Yuna @Jae-Eun @Kyung-Soo COME DOWN NOW!

 

 **Ana:** Idk what is going on but I want popcorn.

 

 **Hammond:**??

 **Hammond:** What is going on?

 

 **Brigitte:** I want popcorn!

 

 **Yuna:** You called?

 

 **Hana:** We might see the biggest fight between Talon and Overwatch.

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Huh?

 

 **Jae-Eun:** And that affects us...how?

 

 **Hana:** Sombra is hooking our channel to your base so you can watch.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Can it wait?

 **Kyung-Soo:** We are trying to convince Dae-Hyun that he’s invisible.

 

 **Hana:** Hilarious but you need to see this.

 

 **Yuna:** Alright.

 

 **Swung-Hwa:** Okie.

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Sure.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** We believe you.

 

 **Satya:** Stop it.

 **Satya:** Someone that I love and trust is actually secretly working for Talon.

 **Satya:** This is not a joke.

 

 **Jesse:** Did you just say love and trust?

 

 **Fareeha:** Never thought I would see the day that you would type that.

 

 **Lena:** Oh man, Widowmaker has competition.

 

 **Widowmaker:** Stop it. She’s in shock.

 

 **Angela:** Satya, you’re not mad at her?

 

 **Satya:** I am a little curious why she didn’t tell me sooner.

 

 **Widowmaker:** I honestly woke up in Talon and started working for them. That’s all.

 **Widowmaker:** I didn’t make the connection between Sanjay and Satya.

 **Widowmaker:** I’m sorry. I should have realized sooner.

 

 **Satya:** No, don’t be sorry. You’ve been through enough from the orange mold.

 

 **Moira:** Thanks…

 

 **Widowmaker:** <3

 

 **Satya:** <3

 

 **Sombra:** Alright, who would like to add Sanjay to this chat?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Really?

 

 **Sombra:** Yah.

 

 **Doomfist:** I vote Sombra.

 

 **Reaper:** Sombra.

 

 **Moira:** Sombra.

 

 **Sombra:** WOOOOOWWWW

 

 **Reaper:** You’ve added people to this chat before.

 **Reaper:** Why are you defensive this time?

 

 **Sombra:** Someone else take the slack.

 

 **Lúcio:** I WANT TO DO IT!!!

 **Lúcio:** LET ME DO IT!!!

 

 **Sombra:** Okay, I texted you his number

 

 **Widowmaker:** Satya, you don’t need to do this.

 **Widowmaker:** Just leave the chat.

 

 **Satya:** No. I want to confront that conniving, lanky, hypocritical, twink mother fucker of a boss.

 

 **Ashe:** Alrighty then!

 

 **Jesse:** OOOOOOHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIT

 

 **Angela:** Stop texting, I want to see how this plays out!

 

 **Junkrat:** YO what is going on?

 

 **Satya:** A war.

 

 **Junkrat:** Sounds fun! Can I join?

 

 **Satya:** Maybe.

 

 **Junkrat:** NICE!

 

**Lúcio added Sanjay to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

 **Satya:** Hello you twink son of a bitch.

 

 **Sanjay:** Hello, Satya.

 **Sanjay:** It has been a long time, my friend.

 **Sanjay:** And for the millionth time, I am a twunk.

 **Sanjay:** Why the aggression?

 

 **Satya:** Why do you work for Talon?

 

 **Sanjay:** No, I don’t.

 **Sanjay:** And why am I in the Overwatch chat?

 **Sanjay:** I mean, I am honored to be in a group chat with the most amazing and courageous heroes the world has ever seen.

 

 **Jesse:** Aw, shucks!

 

 **Fareeha:** Stop, I’m blushing.

 

 **Angela:** We aren’t that amazing. We are just doing our civic duties.

 

 **Hana:** But it feels like to feel respected.

 

 **Genji:** Which rarely is expressed.

 

 **Ana:** Overwatch is a fucking joke.

 

 **Jack:** RUDE!!!

 

 **Satya:** Shut up.

 **Satya:** Sanjay, I know you work for Talon.

 

 **Sanjay:** That’s a serious accusation, Satya.

 **Sanjay:** I’m hurt…

 **Sanjay:** Why are you accusing me of working with Talon?

 

 **Moira:** What’s up you little bitch?

 **Moira:** You like talking behind my back?

 

 **Sanjay:** Doctor O’Deorain?

 **Sanjay:** What are you doing on this group chat?

 **Sanjay:** I mean…

 **Sanjay:** Assuming that you are the Moira of Talon...

 

 **Reaper:** Hey, buddy. We kinda told Moira what you said about her at the last meeting?

 

 **Sanjay:** Gabriel, I do not know what you are talking.

 **Sanjay:** Assuming your name is Gabriel…

 

 **Doomfist:** The gig is up, Sanjay. Satya knows you work for us.

 

 **Sanjay:** What the actual fuck is wrong with you childish idiots?

 **Sanjay:** What the fucking fuck is actually wrong with you buffoons?

 **Sanjay:** Why? Why?

 **Sanjay:** I’m the only fucking hardworking agent of Talon and you dumbasses fucking foil me out and reveal who I work for?

 **Sanjay:** Why the FUCK are you guys even still in Talon???

 **Sanjay:** I’m telling Maximilien to fucking give you guys a downgrade and make you guys work in our shittiest base location.

 

 **Doomfist:** Wow...aggressive…

 

 **Reaper:** Rude…

 

 **Sombra:** Damn...this turned against us.

 

 **Sanjay:** Sombra is in here too???!!!

 

 **Widowmaker:** Yeah.

 

 **Sanjay:** Oh god…

 

 **Widowmaker:** By the way, I’m dating the ‘love of your life’.

 

 **Sanjay:** What?

 **Sanjay:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

 **Sanjay:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

 **Sanjay:** Please tell me this isn’t true…

 

 **Sombra:** It’s true.

 

 **Reaper:** It is.

 

 **Doomfist:** Very true.

 

 **Sanjay:** Why would you guys not tell me?!

 

 **Reaper:** You just told us that you are going to make Max give us a downgrade…

 

 **Doomfist:** And you tell us to not talk to you unless spoken to.

 

 **Sombra:** You’re a dick.

 

 **Satya:** Who’s the ‘love of your life’?

 

 **Reaper:** …

 

 **Doomfist:** …

 

 **Sombra:** …

 

 **Widowmaker:** …

 

 **Satya:** What?

 

 **Sanjay:** Do you really not know?

 

 **Satya:** No.

 

 **Lúcio:** SANJAY LIKES YOU SATYA!

 

 **Satya:** No, he doesn’t.

 **Satya:** He’s gay.

 **Satya:** Right?

 

 **Sanjay:** Why do you think that….?

 

 **Satya:** You said you’re a twunk.

 **Satya:** Which is a cross between twink and hunk.

 **Satya:** Those terms are usually associated with gay men of the lgbt community.

 **Satya:** If you’re not gay, I apologize for assuming.

 **Satya:** As you can see, I’m a part of the lgbt community so I don’t see you as any less if you are gay, bisexual, or etc.

 **Satya:** Except that you’re with Talon so I do think less of you…

 

 **Sanjay:** Look, when I say I am a twunk, I thought it was because you were into twunks…

 

 **Satya:** Well, I don’t remember why you said you were a twunk.

 **Satya:** You did say you like twinks one time so maybe it derived from that conversation.

 

 **Sanjay:** I MEANT THE TWINKIE! I LIKE TWINKIES!

 

 **Reaper:** Who the fuck calls a Twinkie a twink?

 

 **Sanjay:** Let's stop this conversation.

 

 **Sombra:** No, let's keep going.

 

 **Sanjay:** No…

 

 **Satya:** No, let’s move on. Let’s address the real issues.

 **Satya:** THE BOMBING ON CALADO WAS FUCKING YOU! IT HAD TO BE!

 

 **Sanjay:** Okay, let's move back to twinks.

 

 **Satya:** YOU RUINED A LITTLE GIRL’S PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL FACE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

 

 **Sanjay:** THAT is what you’re mad about?

 

 **Satya:** HER FACE WAS GORGEOUS AND PERFECT! YOU FUCKING RUINED HER LIFE YOU ASSHOLE!

 

 **Sanjay:** Is this what you’re mad about?

 

 **Satya:** HER LIFE WAS GOING TO BE PERFECT! SHE WOULD HAVE BE LOVED AND SEEN AS BEAUTIFUL BUT YOU RUIN HER FUCKING LIFE BECAUSE OF THAT EXPLOSION!!!

 

 **Sombra:** Widowmaker, is she being serious?

 

 **Widowmaker:** Shush, let her rant it out.

 

 **Satya:** SANJAY YOU FUCKING RUIN HER LIFE. SHE WILL LIVE THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH AN UGLY RED BURN SCAR ON THE SIDE OF HER FACE. SHE HAD EVERYTHING FOR HER AND YOU RUINED HER LIFE.

 

 **Sanjay:** You’re more worried about a little girl’s face than the fact that I destroyed an entire company?

 

 **Satya:** SHE WAS PERFECT SANJAY! SHE WAS FUCKING PERFECT! YOU LITTLE BITCH BOY!

 

 **Lúcio:** This is not how I think this would turn out…

 **Lúcio:** IT TURNED OUT EVEN BETTER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

 **Sanjay:** Fuck you…

 

 **Satya:** NO FUCK YOU SANJAY! FUCK YOU! I AM GLAD YOU ARE WITH TALON YOU PIECE OF SHIT. TALON IS A FUCKING CHAOTIC GARBAGE AND IT SUITS SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

 **Satya:** No offense, Amélie.

 

 **Widowmaker:** No, chaotic garbage sounds about right for Talon.

 

 **Sombra:** I agree.

 

 **Doomfist:** Me too.

 

 **Moira:** Yep…

 

 **Reaper:** Accurate.

 

 **Hana:** Look, this is gold.

 **Hana:** But I just need to ask something.

 **Hana:** Satya, do you realize that Sanjay likes you?

 

 **Satya:** I thought he likes twinks?

 

 **Sanjay:** TWINKIE! I MEANT TWINKIES!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for not updating for a long time. I’m in the final leap of my semester so I prolly won’t update until I finish finals. So please be patient! I will see you guys soon!
> 
> Also, I apologize for Moira mains. I do love Moira but I like fucking with her.


	35. WinterFuck: Here We Go Again

**Hana:** Hello my fellow agents, we are haunted by a monstrosity on the base.

**Hana:** May one of you guys kill it?

 

**Jesse:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

**Jesse:** AGAIN?!

 

**Ashe:** Why did this text wake me up?

 

**Genji:** It’s the emergency text system. 

 

**Ashe:** A what?

 

**Genji:** It’s a system that alerts us during an emergency with texts.

**Genji:** The last time it was used was when Hana thought Fareeha lost her head.

 

**Hana:** Excuse me, that was fucking scary as fuck.

 

**Genji:** That’s fair.

 

**Jesse:** NO IT’S NOT! 

**Jesse:** DEAR GOD WHY ITS 3AM!

 

**Hanzo:** I do agree. This emergency text system is quite annoying.

 

**Hana:** I’m trying to save our lives, you ungrateful bastards.

 

**Lena:** Hana…

**Lena:** This better be good…

 

**Hana:** I saw a legit monster on the base.

**Hana:** It was laughing, smelled like shit, and fucking scary.

**Hana:** @Angela kill it pls

 

**Ashe:** She’s asleep.

**Ashe:** duh

 

**Jesse:** How do you know?

 

**Ashe:** I’m sleeping on Angela and Fareeha’s bed.

 

**Jesse:** On the bed?

 

**Ashe:** Yeah.

 

**Jesse:** With them?

 

**Ashe:** Yeah, I’m kinda sleeping on the foot of their bed.

 

**Genji:** What are you, their cat?

 

**Ashe:** I needed a place to sleep and they said I can sleep on their bed.

 

**Jesse:** UM??? WE HAVE LIKE 5 COUCHES HERE!

 

**Ashe:** And?

 

**Genji:** You’re almost 40 years old and you’re crashing on some engaged couple’s bed?

 

**Ashe:** Says the guy sleeping alone on his bed so fuck you.

 

**Jesse:** LMFAOOO

 

**Genji:** Okay but I wouldn’t fucking crawl up on the foot of lesbians and sleep.

 

**Lena:** “Okay but I wouldn’t fucking crawl up on the foot of lesbians and sleep” -Genji

**Lena:** I want that on my grave.

 

**Jesse:** LMFAO HAHAHAH

 

**Hana:** Hey, fuck faces

**Hana:** I guess I wasn’t clear enough

**Hana:** THERE IS SOME KIND OF MONSTER RUNNING AROUND THE BASE!

 

**Ashe:** Get rid of it.

 

**Hana:** I don’t wannnaaaaa

**Hana:** @Angela @Angela @Angela

**Hana:** Wake up!

 

**Ashe:** Won’t work. Their phones aren’t in the rooms.

 

**Jesse:** AGAIN why are you sleeping on their bed??!

 

**Ashe:** I needed a place to crash.

 

**Hanzo:** We have 5 couches on the base.

 

**Ashe:** I’m aware, what about it?

 

**Hanzo:** Sleep on one of them.

 

**Ashe:** But Angela offered to let me sleep on her bed.

 

**Hanzo:** Nevermind.

 

**Hana:** I’m going to storm into Angela and Fareeha’s room so they can kill the monster.

 

**Ashe:** Please don’t. 

**Ashe:** I’m right on Fareeha’s leg and I’m so comfy.

 

**Jesse:** Wake them up, Hana.

 

**Hana:** Alright!

 

**Ashe:** Get your gfs to kill it!

 

**Hana:** Brigitte sleeps like a rock and it’s impossible to wake her.

**Hana:** Sombra hasn’t returned my calls.

**Hana:** SO WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!

 

**Lena:** Oh boy…

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** Help, I’m going to die.

 

**Jesse:** Serves you right.

 

**Genji:** LMFAO I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!!

 

**Ashe:** Did you really have to pour hot liquid Vaseline on them?

 

**Genji:** Where the fuck did you get Vaseline?

 

**Hana:** Idk i found it and microwaved it

 

**Genji:** Ew

 

**Jesse:** Gross…

 

**Hanzo:** Why can’t we have a normal night?

 

**Hana:** My fault, my bad. 

**Hana:** Lol

 

**Genji:** Where are you?

**Genji:** I can still hear Angela and Fareeha screaming.

 

**Hana:** I left and hid in the medical bay when I directed them right to the monster.

 

**Jesse:** Oh boy.

**Jesse:** No one get hurt for the next few weeks bc the doctor won’t be in the mood to do some healing.

 

**Genji:** Noted.

 

**Lena:** So is no one going to help them?

 

**Jesse:** No

 

**Genji:** Nah

 

**Ashe:** No, I’m spread out on their bed.

**Ashe:** I ain’t moving

**Ashe:** I’m a comfy cowgirl!

 

**Lena:** Alrighty then.

 

**Jesse:** Is it just me or are the screams getting louder?

 

XXX

 

**Lúcio:** What the fuck happened to the hallway?

 

**Ashe:** *shrugs*

 

**Hana:** Angela and Fareeha screamed and ran to Jesse’s room, leading the monster in and I’m still hiding from my spot because it got very quiet in there…

 

**Lúcio:** Should I go in to check?

 

**Hana:** If you want, I ain’t moving.

**Hana:** Hey, I found Angela and Fareeha’s phones.

 

**Ashe:** Ooo, are you snooping?

 

**Hana:** Of fucking course imma snoop.

**Hana:** Angela doesn’t have a passcode on her phone.

 

**Genji:** Omg post stuff on her phone.

 

**Ashe:** YES!

 

**Lúcio:** Hey, everyone is knocked out cold.

**Lúcio:** Should I go get some cold water to wake them up?

 

**Hana:** GUYS I FOUND THE JACKPOT OMG

 

**Angela: *texts photo***

 

**Ashe:** WELL NOW I AM GETTING OFF THIS BED!

**Ashe:** CUZ I DON’T NEED TO KNOW THAT SHE DID THAT ON THE SAME BED

 

**Genji:** I AM WHEEEEEZING!

**Genji:** ANGELA IS INTO SOME HARDCORE SHIT!

 

**Lena:** WELP I GUESS WE ARE ALL DEAD BC ANGELA IS GOING TO BURN THIS BASE TO THE GROUND WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU POSTED THAT PICTURE TO THE CHAT!

 

**Hana:** WORTH IT!

 

**Ana:** …

**Ana:** Why can’t I check this chat without something scarring my eyes?

 

**Genji:** *eye

 

**Hana:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHA 

 

**Ana:** Seriously, why does Angela have some kind of dog muzzle on her face?

 

**Hana:** DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW GRANDMA?!

 

**Ana:** I guess not…

 

**Genji:** ANGELA IS INTO THAT SHIT IM DYING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Genji:** I MEAN COOL GOOD FOR HER BUT SHIT

**Genji:** IMMA HAVE TO LOOK AT ANGELA AND ONLY SEE HER IN A DOG MUZZLE

**Genji:** HOW DO I KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?

 

**Lena:** 10 bucks that Angela will kill Genji first

 

**Genji:** ILL PUT 100 BC SHE IS SURE GOING TO KILL ME BC I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HAHAHAHAHA 

**Genji:** HANA PLS GO THROUGH FAREEHA’S PHONE!

 

**Hana:** Already on it!

**Hana:** They really need to put passcodes on their phones…

**Hana:** GUYS IT ONLY GETS BETTER

 

**Fareeha: *texts photo** *

 

**Ana:** Dear Allah pls cleanse my eyes

 

**Genji:** That’s actually not surprising.

**Genji:** Tbh

 

**Ashe:** Yeah, I kinda expected that out of Fareeha.

 

**Lena:** You expect that she would wear elephant underwear and stuff socks in the dick sock part?

 

**Genji:** “Dick sock part?”- Lena

**Genji:** I want that on my grave.

 

**Lena:** Glad to be of service.

 

**Ashe:** Hana, you’re going to die once they get their phones back.

 

**Hana:** Worth it.

**Hana:** I’ll just hide behind Brigitte and have Sombra blackmail them.

**Hana:** IF MY BAE WAKES UP AND MY OTHER BAE ANSWERS MY DAMN TEXTS

 

**Lena:** You’re evil

 

**Hana:** I know right?

 

**Lúcio:** Jesus fucking Christ guys

**Lúcio:** What the fuck is Junkrat wearing?

**Lúcio: *texts photo***

 

**Hana:** That’s Junkrat?

 

**Ashe:** Jesus fucking Christ he sleeps with his eyes open?

 

**Genji:** Why are they green?

 

**Hana:** Oh so that was Junkrat the whole time?

 

**Lúcio:** Yeah…

 

**Hana:** Oops!

 

**Lena:** Why is he dressed like that?

 

**Hana:** Do we really want to know?

 

**Lena:** I guess not…

 

**Hana:** Lol sorry guys, false alarm

 

**Genji:** You can make it up by letting Angela and Fareeha kill you.

 

**Hana:** If they can catch me.

 

**Lúcio:** I’m going to wake them up.

 

**Hana:** Okay, I’m ready.

 

XXX

 

**Jesse:** HANA WHERE ARE YOU?????!!!!!!

**Jesse:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

**Jesse:** HUH???

**Jesse:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?

 

**Hanzo:** Hana, we just want to talk. :)

 

**Hana:** Jesus, Hanzo emoting? That’s fucking scary.

 

**Genji:** You really are dead, Hana.

 

**Angela:** NO SHIT ASSHOLES!!

**Angela:** WHY THE FUCK IS ONE OF MY PICTURE WAS POSTED ON CHAT?!!!

**Angela:** HANA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!!!!

**Angela:** NO ONE WAS SUPPOSE TO SEE THOSE PICTURES EXCEPT FAREEHA!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** …

**Fareeha:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?????? 

**Fareeha:** Of all the pictures you could have sent to chat, you sent the one that was taken on my bad side?

**Fareeha:** At least send this one.

**Fareeha: *texts photo***

 

**Ana:** THAT ISN’T ANY BETTER!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Deal with it.

**Fareeha:** My stomach looks so good at that angle.

 

**Hana:** I see you have no shame…

 

**Fareeha:** I mean it’s just me in men’s underwear.

**Fareeha:** Angela does have shame about her thing.

**Fareeha:** So you’re going to die.

 

**Hana:** She’s going to have to catch me!

 

**Angela:** I FUCKING SEE YOU!

 

**Hana:** WAIT WHAT!!

 

**Lena:** So I guess no one wins the bet.

 

**Genji: *texts photo***

**Genji:** Nah, Angela got to me first.

**Genji:** I may have a broken jaw but it’s worth it.

 

**Ashe:** How the hell did she have time to beat you up?

 

**Genji:** *shrugs*

 

**Lena:** Split 110 bucks?

 

**Genji:** HELLL YAH!

 

**Jack:** What the fuck is going on?

 

**Ana:** Do you really want to know?

 

**Jack:** No…

 

XXX

 

**_[Due to the fucking events at 3am in the morning, snooping into other agents phones is banned. Everything is banned you nasty,weird, and crazy motherfuckers. Fuck. -Winston]_ **

**Hana:** It could be worse. 

**Hana:** I could be dead.

 

**Angela:** If Winston wasn’t holding me back, Sombra and Brigitte would be pressing F to pay their respects.

 

**Brigitte:** I just woke up. 

**Brigitte:** What happened on this chat?

 

**Hana:** OH NOW YOU WAKE UP!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder where Talon is....tee hee~!
> 
> The worst of my finals are done so let's get back to fuckery. Time to write about those Winter Skins, am I right? ;)


	36. WinterFuck: Talon Camp and Snowballs, With A Side of Petty

**Sombra:** HELLO?

**Sombra:** IS ANYONE OUT THERE!??

 

**Hana:** BABE WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? 

**Hana:** IT’S BEEN 5 HOURS!

 

**Angela:** It has ONLY been 5 hours and you’re this needy for your gf?

 

**Hana:** You’re just mad that you can’t kill me for throwing you guys at Junkrat last night.

 

**Fareeha:** Are we not going to question why he was dressed like Krampus?

 

**Jesse:** Do we really want to?

 

**Ashe:** I’m kinda curious, tbh

 

**Jesse:** GO BACK HOME 

**Jesse:** WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

 

**Ashe:** Bc I can, bitch

**Ashe:** Deal with it.

 

**Jesse:** You’re 40

**Jesse:** You are a leader of a gang

**Jesse:** GO HOME

 

**Ashe:** I’m 39

**Ashe:** and no

 

**Jesse:** I will drag you back

 

**Ashe:** Try me bitch

 

**Sombra:** HEY

**Sombra:** HELLO

 

**Hana:** Babe, i’m trying to call you

**Hana:** Pick up your phone!

 

**Sombra:** HELLO?

**Sombra:** IF ANYONE CAN READ THIS

**Sombra:** YA’LL NEED TO SAVE ME

 

**Hana:** BABE WHERE ARE YOU?

 

**Sombra:** I AM STUCK IN NEPAL

**Sombra:** SEND HELP

 

**Hana:** ON MY WAY

**Hana:** @BRIGITTE WE GOING ON A RESCUE MISSION!!!

 

**Brigitte:** Rescue?

**Brigitte:** For Sombra?

 

**Hana:** YEP SO GET READY WE LEAVING IN 5 MINS

 

**Brigitte:** Did something happen at the Talon Camp?

 

**Hana:** What?

 

**Jesse:** Talon Camp sounds horrible.

 

**Angela:** Sounds like the type of camp where the kids bully the shortest girl and make her go skinny dipping in the lake when it’s below freezing outside.

**Angela:** And leave her to freeze for a few hours before she makes her way back to camp

**Angela:** But when she comes back, everyone ignores her to make her think she’s a ghost.

 

**Ashe:** ...

 

**Hana:** …

 

**Brigitte:** …

 

**Jesse:** ….

 

**Fareeha:** You good, honey?

 

**Angela:** Yeah. :)

**Angela:** That bitch deserved it for taking the last top bunk and giving me a bloody nose.

 

**Genji:** LMFAO

 

**Jesse:** Oh, you’re here now

 

**Genji:** Just recuperating from when Angela broke my jaw.

 

**Angela:** You’re welcome.

 

**Hana:** Okay backtrack

**Hana:** Talon Camp?

 

**Brigitte:** Yeah

**Brigitte:** Isn’t Sombra at Talon Camp?

 

**Jesse:** Is this a joke?

 

**Brigitte:** No.

**Brigitte:** Sombra didn’t tell you?

 

**Hana:** About Talon camp?

 

**Brigitte:** I heard it from Satya.

**Brigitte:** She left with Widowmaker

 

**Angela:** Is that why I haven’t seen her lately?

 

**Fareeha:** More importantly, you’re friends with Satya?

 

**Brigitte:** She tolerates me.

 

**Hana:** Wow…

**Hana:** Now what the fuck is Talon Camp?

 

**Brigitte:** Satya told me that Talon goes on a camping trip during the winter to bond and Widowmaker invited her to come along.

 

**Jesse:** TALON GETS TO HAVE FUCKING FIELD TRIPS AND WE ARE STUCK RUNNING AROUND THE BASE FROM KRAMPUS JUNKRAT AT 3AM?

 

**Angela:** One more reason why Talon is doing much better than Overwatch.

**Angela:** But then I remember they have Moira and it makes Overwatch slightly better.

**Angela:** Hope she freezes.

 

**Genji:** Yo, who the fuck shoved depression right up Angela’s ass?

**Genji:** It’s freaking me out.

 

**Ashe:** The only one who could have done it was Fareeha.

 

**Fareeha:** It’s just one of those days that she’s utterly done with Overwatch’s bullshit.

**Fareeha:** Aka @Hana

 

**Hana:** Thanks for tagging me…

 

**Angela:** You’re a little shit, you know.

 

**Hana:** I’m aware, thanks

 

**Sombra:** HEEEELP I DYIIING

 

**Genji:** lol forgot about her

 

**Jesse:** Has Sombra ever been without any source of wifi or cellular data?

 

**Brigitte:** She’s a walking computer.

 

**Hana:** So no.

**Hana:** That’s why Brigitte and I are going to bring a cellular tower to her.

 

**Brigitte:** Wait, what?

 

**Angela:** Or you can just get her and bring her back to base…

**Angela:** No, need to be extra…

 

**Hana:** Okay but I also want to crash the Talon Camp and ruin their trip.

 

**Angela:** Okay, let's be extra.

 

**Genji:** Damn, she changed a 180

 

**Ashe:** I’m down to crash a campsite.

 

**Jesse:** Hell yeah

 

**Fareeha:** Should we get the others?

 

**Hana:** Nah, they still asleep from what happened last night.

**Hana:** Just us go.

**Hana:** Get on the orca in 10 minutes.

 

**Angela:** I need 30.

 

**Hana:** WTF? Really?

 

**Angela:** Bitch, if I’m going to ruin Moira’s day, I want to look extra doing it.

**Angela:** Give me 20 if you help me.

 

**Hana:** What the fuck am I helping you with?

 

**Angela:** Imma dress up as the plum fairy.

 

**Genji:** Is Angela high?

**Genji:** Cuz I want some of that.

 

**Hana:** FINE I’LL HELP WOMAN

**Hana:** Only because I don’t want to tick you off anymore.

 

**Angela:** Thanks.

**Angela:** Fareeha go get some dry ice.

 

**Fareeha:** Of course, honey.

 

**Jesse:** This is going to be great!

 

XXX

 

**Sombra:** OH SWEET JESUS HALLELUJAH CELL SERVICE!!!!

**Sombra:** OH FUCK YES BABY

**Sombra:** I MISSED YOU SO MUCH INTERNET!

 

**Reaper:** How is there service here? We are in the middle of the mountains.

 

**Sombra:** IDC I AM FINALLY GETTING OUT OF HERE!

**Sombra:** THANK THE LORD FOR GPS!!!

 

**Doomfist:** What the heck, Sombra?

**Doomfist:** You missed Satya’s ice skate performance.

**Doomfist:** It was so good.

 

**Reaper:** Sombra, you barely lasted 8 hours out in the wilderness…

 

**Sombra:** LAST TIME I CHECKED, I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO COME TO THIS STUPID TRIP!!!

 

**Reaper:** We are already on Talon’s bad side!

**Reaper:** The least we could do is go on the annual winter trips.

 

**Sombra:** HOW COME WIDOWMAKER GOT TO BRING SATYA AND I COULDN’T BRING MY GFS!??

 

**Doomfist:** Brigitte is fine.

**Doomfist:** Hana is a recipe for disaster.

 

**Hana:** Rude.

 

**Sombra:** HI TAKE ME AWAY

 

**Hana:** BABE WE’RE HERE COME FIND US

 

**Jesse:** What’s up buckaroos?

 

**Ashe:** It’s fucking cold.

**Ashe:** I regret everything.

 

**Genji:** I can’t feel.

 

**Brigitte:** Shut up.

 

**Sombra:** IM COMING TO YOU GUYS!

 

**Jesse:** Btw @Moira run

 

**Moira:** Woah what?

**Moira:** Huh?

**Moira:** How does my cell have service?

**Moira:** Wait, run?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah, just run.

 

**Moira:** Why?

 

**Genji:** You know why.

**Genji:** Btw, would you guys like to be covered in eggs or cheese wiz?

 

**Reaper:** What?

 

**Ashe:** We’ll give you both.

 

**Doomfist:** What is going on here?

 

**Jesse:** Hey guys.

**Jesse:** Guess what time it is?

**Jesse:** IT’S HIIIIIIIIIIGH NOOOOON!!!

 

XXX

 

**Moira:** HELP!!!

**Moira:** SOME GREEN HAIRED FAIRY IS CHASING ME!!!

**Moira:** JESUS IM BEING HIT BY SOME BLUE ROBOT!!!!!!

**Moira:** HEELLLPPPP

**Moira:** GUYS???

**Moira:** HELLLOOOOO?????

**Moira:** HELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!

**Moira:** IMMA DIE HELP!

 

**Angela:** Heroes never die, bitch.

 

XXX

 

**Reaper:** WHY WOULD YOU GUYS DO THIS!?

 

**Jesse:** It was Hana’s idea.

 

**Hana:** Guilty as charged.

 

**Doomfist:** SO YOU THROW EGGS AND CHEESE WIZ AT US????

 

**Genji:** Yeah.

 

**Reaper:** WHAT THE FUCK????

 

**Sombra:** FUCKING HILARIOUS!

 

**Reaper:** YOU FUCKING TRAITOR SOMBRA!!!

 

**Sombra:** I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO COME HERE!!!

 

**Ashe:** We brought an 8ft cell tower with us and no one questioned that?

 

**Reaper:** We are trying to fucking live our life and you guys want to cause trouble??

 

**Brigitte:** Yeah.

 

**Doomfist:** Oh god...

 

**Jesse:** @Moira how you doing?

 

**Fareeha:** She’s alive.

 

**Reaper:** You were here?

 

**Fareeha:** Yah. Someone has to yeet Angela across the field.

 

**Doomfist:** Jesus…

 

**Fareeha:** By the way, we found Satya and Widowmaker.

**Fareeha:** They were in a cabin not far from the camp.

 

**Doomfist:** I knew they ran off...

 

**Satya:** Why are you guys like this?

**Satya:** For one day, can you guys NOT cause trouble.

 

**Fareeha:** This is coming from the person that was butt naked on Widowmaker’s lap when Moira crashed down the door.

 

**Satya:** And this is coming from the person that doesn’t put a tighter leash on her girlfriend.

 

**Angela:** Excuse me, I am perfectly stable on my own.

 

**Widowmaker:** I can tell…

 

**Angela:** Can you get off me?

 

**Widowmaker:** No.

 

**Angela:** Fuck you.

 

**Fareeha:** Get off her.

 

**Widowmaker:** Why don’t you come in the cabin and fight like a woman?

 

**Fareeha:** I have a rocket launcher and I prefer not to use it until Angela is freed.

 

**Widowmaker:** Pussy.

**Widowmaker:** Just like your mom.

 

**Fareeha:** OH FUCK YOU!

 

**Angela:** BABE NO!!!

 

XXX

 

**Jack:** ...

**Jack:** Did you guys have fun…?

 

**Reaper:** It was fun until those idiots showed up.

 

**Doomfist:** I’m going to smell like raw eggs for weeks...

 

**Hana:** Yeah, it was awesome!

 

**Jesse:** YEP!

 

**Genji:** Ya!

 

**Ashe:** Fucking freezing…

 

**Sombra:** Yee.

 

**Brigitte:** Yeah, it was fun.

 

**Satya:** No.

**Satya:** I have four unconscious women in a broken cabin.

 

**Hana:** And?

 

**Satya:** I seriously detest you guys.

 

**Hana:** Hey, it’s not everyday you get four women in a room.

**Hana:** So you should be thanking me!

**Hana:** :D

 

**Satya:** …

 

**Jesse:** Yo, did you just put up a fucking shield?

 

**Satya:** Yes.

 

**Ashe:** Why?

 

**Satya:** You’ll see.

 

XXX

 

**Angela:** I can smell burned cheese wiz and eggs from all the way over here.

 

**Jesse:** OH YOU’RE AWAKE?

 

**Angela:** Still alive, bitch.

 

**Hana:** GLAD YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!

 

**Satya:** I was just playing a simple game of having a snowball fight.

 

**Brigitte:** YOU PUT TURRETS IN THE BALLS?!!!!!???!?!?!

 

**Satya:** And?

 

**Genji:** YOU FRIED MY LIMBS OFF!!!!!

 

**Satya:** How are you texting?

 

**Sombra:** I’m doing it for him.

**Sombra:** AND WHAT THE FUCK SATYA!!???

 

**Satya:** What was that?

**Satya:** :)

 

**Sombra:** I meant

**Sombra:** Wow, that was fun guys.

**Sombra:** RIGHT GUYS?

 

**Hana:** SUPER FUN

 

**Jesse:** VERY FUN LOVED IT

 

**Brigitte:** VERY VERY FUN

 

**Reaper:** What has Overwatch and Talon come to…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I don't even know if this makes sense but it was funny in my head. :)))))


	37. Wedding Day

**Jesse:** Hey guys?

 

**Ashe:** What the fuck do you want McCree?

**Ashe:** Aren’t you suppose to be marrying Angela and Fareeha?

 

**Jesse:** Well yeah…

**Jesse:** But that’s not the problem…

 

**Ashe:** What happen?

**Ashe:** Yah shit your pants??

 

**Genji:** I’m still shocked that Angela was fine with you marrying them

 

**Jesse:** Gee thanks

**Jesse:** But hypothetical question

**Jesse:** Is the ring THAT important??

 

**Ashe:** It kinda is.

 

**Jesse:** Well…

**Jesse:** Does it have to be a ring?

 

**Genji:** Yes

 

**Hana:** Did you lose the fucking ring, Jesse?

 

**Jesse:** Hypothetically…

**Jesse:** Yes?

 

**Hana:** You’re actually going to die.

**Hana:** Rip

 

**Ashe:** Might as well call off the wedding

 

**Genji:** It was nice knowing you, Jesse!

 

**Jesse:** I SAID HYPOTHETICALLY!

 

**Ana:** LMFAO YOU LOST THE RING??!!!!

**Ana:** I AM NOT EVEN SURPRISED

 

**Jesse:** I SAID HYPOTHETICALLY!!!!!!!!!

 

**Hammond:** You...what?

 

**Jesse:** HYPOTHETICALLY!!!!!!!

 

**Hammond:** Is that why the rings aren’t on the pillow?

 

**Jesse:** HYPOTHETICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Ashe:** HYPOTHETICALLY YOU GONNA DIE SUGAR BISCUIT LMFAO

 

**Hana:** YOU LOST BOTH RINGS??????

 

**Jesse:** HYPOTHETICALLY!!!

 

**Genji:** HYPOTHETICALLY YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!

 

**Jesse:**  Can you guys just hear me out?

 

**Hana:** I would love to know how the fuck you lost the rings.

 

**Jesse:** Well, I didn’t lose the rings…

**Jesse:** They might be a bit broken…

 

**Ashe:** HOW?

 

**Ana:** I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

**Ana:** PLEASE TELL! I NEED TO KNOW!!!

 

**Jesse:** I might have shot them with my gun.

 

**Hammond:** ...Why?

 

**Genji:** OMG WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?????

**Genji:** DID YOU JUST THROW THEM IN THE AIR AND SHOOT THEM?

 

**Jesse:** …

**Jesse:** Hypothetically…

 

**Hammond:** So you can actually aim

**Hammond:** Just outside of battle

 

**Jesse:** WOW

 

**Ashe:** LMFAO

 

**Genji:** dajkghkjghdsfhkaljghdkljgsldj

 

**Hana:** Welp, he’s going to die anyway, might as well roast him on a spit

 

**Ashe:** So how do you think he’s going to die tonight?

 

**Hana:** He might lose all his limbs.

 

**Ana:** Or he might be turned into a cyborg

 

**Genji:** Brodah Jesse

 

**Jesse:** Fuck…

 

**Hana:** LMFAO

 

**Sombra:** I’m sorry what

**Sombra:** I just got on

**Sombra:** Dude

**Sombra:** Duuuuude

**Sombra:** How has Angela or Fareeha haven’t seen the chat yet??

 

**Hana:** Angela is having a pre-wedding meltdown 

**Hana:** Fareeha is having her own meltdown

 

**Ashe:** So they’re both having meltdowns?

 

**Hana:** Yah

**Hana:** But in different rooms.

 

**Genji:** Weddings are weird…

**Genji:** I sure hope Jesse and Hanzo aren’t like this when they have their wedding

**Genji:** oh wait

**Genji:** Not going to happen bc Jesse is going to die.

 

**Jesse:** Sombra, is there any way to block my messages so Angela and Fareeha won’t see it.

 

**Sombra:** Why would you text in the chat???

 

**Ana:** Because he’s a dumbass

 

**Jesse:** I needed answers

**Jesse:** Nevermind…

 

**Ashe:** Well if Fareeha and Angela are having their pre-wedding meltdowns, I can’t wait to see what they’ll have once they find out that Jesse blew up their rings

 

**Hammond:** Speaking of meltdowns, I say we meltdown the cowboy's arm so we can make some new rings

 

**Hana:** God you’re so smart

**Hana:** My son is so smart guys

 

**Jesse:**  YEAH

**Jesse:** Wait…

**Jesse:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Genji:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

 

**Ana:** MY STOMACH HURTS SO MUCH

**Ana:** WHY AM I LAUGHING?

**Ana:** MY OWN DAUGHTER’S WEDDING IS RUINED BUT THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS!

 

**Sombra:** This is honestly the weirdest and dumbest reason to shut down a wedding…

 

**Jesse:** Hasn’t been shut down yet.

**Jesse:** Can you please block Angela and Fareeha from seeing this chat?

 

**Sombra:** Only because I want to see how you’re going to fix this mess.

**Sombra:** Okay, they can’t see the texts from the past 30 mins.

 

**Jesse:** Thank god

 

**Moira:** …

**Moira:** No, wait

**Moira:** He was going to ruin the wedding?

**Moira:** Why?

**Moira:** Don’t fix it!

 

**Hammond:** Just because you like  _ “Fareeha”  _ doesn’t mean you’ll ever get her.

 

**Moira:** Shut up 

**Moira:** I don’t like Fareeha.

 

**Sombra:** Yeah, you like Roadhog.

 

**Hammond:** Oh, of course, how could I forget

**Hammond:** My apologies

 

**Moira:** Oh my god 

**Moira:** Even when a wedding is being ruined, this somehow turns against me

 

**Hana:** Sucks to suck

 

**Ashe:** Wonder why you even got invited to the wedding in the first place.

 

**Jesse:** Can you guys help me?

 

**Ashe:** Why?

 

**Hana:** Nah

 

**Ana:** Bold of you to assume we even want to help.

 

**Sombra:** Nice, Ana.

 

**Hammond:** I already gave you my two cents now use them

**Hammond:** GIVE ME THAT ARM!

 

**Genji:** LMFAO HAH HAHAHA

 

**Satya:** What in the world is going on in the chat?

**Satya:** Angela is getting pre-wedding jitters and Fareeha is freaking out and you guys are texting in the chat?

 

**Genji:** Jesse shot their rings and they’re gone.

**Genji:** So we’re trying to get him to give Hammond his arm so we can make new ones.

 

**Satya:** Why hasn’t he given up his arm yet?

 

**Ana:** He’s being a little bitch.

 

**Jesse:** CAN YOU GUYS STOP SUGGESTING TO USE MY ARM AND ACTUALLY HELP ME COME UP WITH A SOLUTION?

 

**Ashe:** We didn’t shoot up the rings, dumbass

 

**Hammond** : I guess we could melt down his gun instead

**Hammond:** or that ridiculous belt thing

 

**Ashe:** Or that metal thing on his hat

 

**Jesse:** Wait no

**Jesse:** Please no

 

**Hana:** Please yes

 

**Satya:** I don’t care what is melted, you better get those rings on the pillow in ten minutes.

 

**Jesse:** 10 MINUTES?!!!!

 

**Satya:** Nine.

 

**Jesse:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

 

**Ana:** I’ll start calling for a casket.

 

**Hana:** LMFAOOOOO

 

**Jack:** WTF IS GOING ON?

 

**Sombra:** Do you really want to know?

 

**Jack:** YES BECAUSE THE RINGS ARE MISSING!!!!

 

**Hammond:** HEY ARE WE GOING TO MELT JESSE OR NOT?!

 

**Jesse:** WAIT WHAT????!!?!?

 

**Hammond:** IF YOU WANT THE RINGS IN LESS THAN 10 I NEED SOMETHING TO MELT!

 

**Hana:** THROW HIM IN!!!

 

**Genji:** YEEEEEE ILL GO FIND HIM!

 

**Ashe:** BOOOOOOOBBBB

 

**Jesse:** CAN WE ALL BE REASONABLE PEOPLE!!!!??

 

**Jack:** NOW OF ALL TIMES YOU WANT TO BE REASONABLE??!!

 

**Sombra:** WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY HE SHOT THE RINGS!!!!

 

**Moira:** He didn’t want Angela to marry Fareeha, duh

 

**Jesse:** I DO, YOU CREEPY OLD FUCKING HAG!!

**Jesse:** FUCK OFF!

 

**Moira:** I DIDN’T BREAK THE FUCKING RINGS!!!

**Moira:** THAT’S IT!

**Moira:** I’M GOING TO TEXT ANGELA!!!

 

**Jesse:** DON’T YOU DARE!!

 

**Moira:** I’LL DO IT!!

 

**Sombra:** You do know she blocked you.

 

**Moira:** FUCK!

 

**Sombra:** LMFAO!!!

 

**Hammond:** Are we going to burn Jesse or not?

 

**Ashe:** Yeah, sure

 

**Jesse:** NO

 

**Zenyatta:** May I inquire why the rings aren’t on the pillow?

 

**Hana:** WHY DOES NO ONE JUST READ THE FUCKING CHAT?!

 

**Zenyatta:** Just answer my question, you K-Pop star wannabe.

 

**Hana:** WOW

 

**Genji:** Master, Jesse shot up the rings.

 

**Zenyatta:** Why?

 

**Genji:** Idk.

 

**Jesse:** I GOT CURIOUS

 

**Ashe:** OF WHAT?

 

**Jesse:** If my bullets could fit through the rings.

 

**Ana:** WELL I GUESS THEY DON’T

 

**Zenyatta:** Angela will kill you.

 

**Jesse:** I’M AWARE SO IM TRYING TO GET THESE NUMBSKULLS TO HELP WITH A SOLUTION

 

**Zenyatta:** May you rest in peace and tranquility.

 

**Jesse:** FUCK

 

**Sombra:** I’M CRYING HAHAHA

 

**Hammond:** We have 5 minutes, are we going to burn Jesse or not?

**Hammond:** I can make two rings but it’ll take three minutes top

**Hammond:** So are we going to do this or not?

 

**Jesse:** CAN WE STOP TRYING TO BURN ME??

**Jesse:** HOW DID WE EVEN GET FROM BURNING METAL TO BURNING ME!

 

**Hammond:** You’re going to die anyway so might as well kill two birds with one stone.

 

**Satya:** What a wise hamster.

 

**Hammond:** I try.

 

**Hana:** I’m so proud of him.

 

**Jesse:** YOU GUYS SUCK

 

**Hammond** : At this point, your mother should have swallowed

 

**Sombra:** DIOS MIO LMFAOOOOO

**Sombra:** JUST ACCEPT YOUR DEATH JESSE

 

**Ana:** KDJFSLKDGHKSDHFGLJHKGHKSLJDHGKLJDHJGKDJHFKHJSDJKGHSKDJHGKJHSOJEHO;UGHA;OSDHG;OIWHEORIT;OIJG;OKJAKSDFJGHEJHGKJHSLDKJFHGKLJHGKDFJHGKJHADHFGKKSJDFGHKJHDFKGHKAJDHGKJERLHGKHSKHDFGIRHGLKSDJNVKJDXN,JVKBSZKJRDHGLISUHRLGIURSNHDGIKDHURGLKUGHKUSDRHLGKUDSHFLGKJHSLKDFJGDJSHFGKHDFKJGHKDSHFKGJHAUERILVANKASJNEGK;IOSR;NKZSJDNKVNLKSJZNLKNZ;DKNVISJNSDJZNVKLUSHRIUHAHG;OIHRWIGAEIRHUHGKDJRKGDKJHFSHKDSHIOGRHIORGHOPRJIOREKNLDHRSGHRGKJGRDSHDRGSLIHDSLIMCRDNKHUVGRSHUGVRDHMIGRSDVMIHIL.TFHUIRHYURSETYOIUDSFHZIHGJDHGKJHDJFGHSLHGLJHDSILFUGHLISUDRHYGI

 

**Genji:** I FUCKING CAN’T OMG

 

**Ashe:** ANA FUCKING THREW HER PHONE

**Ashe:** JESUS FUCK THIS IS HILARIOUS

 

**Satya:** Three minutes.

 

**Hammond:** BASTION BRING ME THE COWBOY

 

**Bastion: (◣_◢)**

 

**Jesse:** Fucking kill me already.

 

**Ashe:** HE’S WILLING GO GET HIM!!!!

 

**Brigitte:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??

**Brigitte:** WHY DID BASTION JUST BLAST THROUGH THE ALTAR IN TANK MODE??

 

**Bastion: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)**

 

**Jesse:** Oh shit

 

**Sombra:** I FUCKING CAN’T 

 

**Genji:** OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

**Lena:** Bruh

**Lena:** You made me spill my crumpets.

 

**Jack:** I knew either Angela or Jesse will be the fall of Overwatch and this might be the day.

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** How the hell did we have a seemingly normal wedding despite on what just happened?

 

**Widowmaker:** What happened?

 

**Genji:** Read the fucking chat omg

 

**Widowmaker:** Get laid for once.

 

**Genji:** WOW

 

**Hana:** LMFAO

 

**Lena:** You’re all fucking welcome I recalled like crazy to save what was left with the alter.

 

**Sombra:** I don’t understand how are we all sitting here and not watching Jesse being burned at the stake?

 

**Jesse:** Can ya’ll shut up and enjoy the wedding?

 

**Ashe:** Is your phone in the bible?

 

**Jesse:** Yah, lol

 

**Satya:** Did you not learn your lesson?

 

**Jesse:** No

 

**Ashe:** More importantly, how did Hammond get two rings onto the pillow?

 

**Hammond:** I used Genji’s sword.

 

**Genji:** WAIT WHAT THE FUCK!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Genji:** THAT WAS A FAMILY HEIRLOOM!!!!!!

 

**Hammond:** (ᵔᴥᵔ)

 

**Genji:** WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY FUCKING SWORD!?!?!?!

 

**Hammond:** Bastion was a distraction.

 

**Bastion: ＼( °□° )／**

 

**Hana:** LMFAAAAAOOOOOOOOO

 

**Sombra:** Genji can you calm the fuck down? I can see you squirming in your seat

 

**Genji:** THAT FUCKING HAMSTER MELTED DOWN MY SWORD!!!

 

**Bastion:(ง’̀-‘́)ง**

 

**Jesse:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**Jack:** Get off your phone, Jesse.

**Jack:** It’s so noticeable that you're on it from down here.

 

**Hanzo:** I just finished reading the chat.

**Hanzo:** What

**Hanzo:** The

**Hanzo:** Fuck

**Hanzo:** ?!

 

XXX

 

**Ashe:** Not that I care but where did Jesse disappear to?

 

**Angela:** He’s fine. Have fun at the reception party. :)

 

**Sombra:** Lol, totally forgot to tell him that I unblocked Angela and Fareeha from the chat and they saw everything

 

**Hana:** Ohh so someone is going to die?

 

**Hammond:** I sure hope Ana called for that casket before she broke her own phone.

 

**Genji:** I hope it’s for you, you fucking little rodent

 

**Bastion: (¬_¬)**

 

**Genji:** FUCK

 

**Fareeha:** Kill the hamster and I will turn you into a coffee maker, you Naruto wannabe

 

**Genji:** FINE

 

**Hanzo:** Are you two really going to kill Jesse?

 

**Fareeha:** Bold of you to assume we haven’t already.

  
**Hanzo:** Touché

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Grimlockprime222 for helping me write this. We couldn't stop laughing at this. Hope you guys enjoyed!


	38. The Aftermath: Dragons

**Angela:** I have a question for @Hammond

 

**Hammond:** Yes?

 

**Angela:** Did you really make our rings out of Genji’s sword?

 

**Hammond:** Why yes I did.

 

**Genji:** Fucking little turd…

 

**Hana:** Hey, that’s my son you’re talking to you dipshit excuse of a robot.

 

**Jesse:** That’s accurate.

 

**Genji:** You’re alive?

 

**Hana:** HOLY SHIT

 

**Jesse:** It’s an Xmas miracle.

 

**Ashe:** It ain't Xmas anymore fuckface

 

**Jesse:** It is to me

**Jesse:** I’m grateful to be alive.

 

**Hanzo:** I’m still wondering why I’m even dating you.

 

**Jesse:** I’m a charmer, darling~

 

**Hanzo:** You’re not wrong.

**Hanzo:** So how are you alive?

 

**Jesse:** Angela loves me enough to not kill me.

**Jesse:** Maybe within an inch of my life

**Jesse:** But alive, regardless

 

**Angela:** You’re welcome, asswipe.

 

**Ashe:** LMFAO

 

**Jesse:** Btw, where are you guys?

 

**Ashe:** On the honeymoon

 

**Jesse:** Wait, you’re there with them?

 

**Hanzo:** So am I.

 

**Genji:** Me too.

 

**Hana:** Me three

 

**Lena:** Me four

 

**Lúcio:** Me five.

 

**Ana:** Me six.

 

**Reinhardt:** ME SEVEN

 

**Torbjörn:** ME EIGHT

 

**Brigitte:** Me nine.

 

**Sombra:** Me ten

 

**Hammond:** Me eleven

 

**Mei:** Me twelve

 

**Zarya:** Me thirteen

 

**Zenyatta:** Me fourteen

 

**Junkrat:** Me fiffyteen!

 

**Roadhog:** Me sixteen

 

**Jack:** Me seventeen

 

**Reaper:** Me eighteen

 

**Doomfist:** Me nineteen

 

**Orisa:** Me twenty

 

**Bastion:** :)

 

**Jesse:** WHY ARE ALL OF YOU GUYS AT ANGELA AND FAREEHA’S HONEYMOON?!

 

**Fareeha:** Bc we invited them to come.

**Fareeha:** Duh.

 

**Jesse:** Where are you guys?!

 

**Fareeha:** In the Bahamas

**Fareeha:** Although we’re all on different islands but as long as everyone is having fun, that’s fine.

 

**Hana:** I’m in Mexico

 

**Angela:** How the fuck did you end up in Mexico? We just saw you last night??

 

**Sombra:** Um, hello? Number one hacker here

 

**Angela:** How did you two get to Mexico within 8 hours?

 

**Sombra:** Newsflash

**Sombra:** A ship

**Sombra:** A fast one

 

**Brigitte:** Excuse me, I’m in Mexico too

 

**Angela:** Oh my bad

**Angela:** How did you *three get to Mexico within 8 hours?

 

**Brigitte:** Thank you.

 

**Jesse:** WTF SO IM ALL ALONE ON BASE?!

 

**Fareeha:** Well not really, some didn’t come.

**Fareeha:** Satya stayed behind so go hang out with her.

 

**Jesse:** @Satya come hang

 

**Satya:** Oh no, you’ve awoken…

 

**Genji:** LMFAO

 

**Angela:** Same.

 

**Hana:** Oh right, she wants to be alone with her spider on the base~

 

**Satya:** Leave me alone.

 

**Lúcio:** Hana, go bother her some more.

 

**Hana:** Satya and Widow, up in a tree

 

**Genji:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 

**Lena:** First comes love!

 

**Lúcio:** Then comes marriage!

 

**Hammond:** Then comes Satya with a baby carriage!

 

**Satya:** Mature, imbeciles.

 

**Jesse:** So I’m alone with two horny cold-hearted women?

 

**Widowmaker:** We can invite Moira to keep you company.

 

**Jesse:** No thanks, I’m good.

 

**Moira:** RUDE

**Moira:** I’m a fun person!

 

**Doomfist:** Debatable.

 

**Sombra:** Tru

 

**Moira:** Fuck you guys.

 

**Angela:** On a more important issue

**Angela:** How do you take care of dragons?

 

**Genji:** Nani the fuck?

 

**Hanzo:** I know the rings were technically made by Genji’s sword.

**Hanzo:** But only a Shimada can control the Dragons.

 

**Fareeha:*texts photo***

**Fareeha:** Then what the fuck is sleeping on my lap?

 

**Hanzo:** …

**Hanzo:** Well shit.

 

**Genji:** I guess the Shimada isn't as exclusive than we thought…

**Genji:** I guess the Amari can control the dragons too

 

**Hana:** I like how no one is questioning how Hammond made two rings with Genji’s sword in three minutes but I like where we have our priorities right now.

 

**Ashe:** Y'all have a talking monkey and a smart ass hamster on the base

**Ashe:** Seeing two baby dragons isn’t that crazy 

 

**Angela:** I don’t know how to take care of dragons though

 

**Genji:** Just feed it

 

**Angela:** WOW GENJI NO SHIT ASSHOLE

**Angela:** LET ME FEED IT SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS THEN

 

**Genji:** WELL EXCUUUUSE ME YOU DIDN’T GET YOUR SACRED SWORD MELTED DOWN INTO TWO RINGS!!!

 

**Ana:** This is some lord of the rings shit here

 

**Jesse:** When did you get a new phone?

**Jesse:** Didn’t you break your last one?

 

**Ana:** This may come as a surprise to you but I bought a new phone, dumbass

 

**Hana:** LMFAO

 

**Jesse:** Sheeesh Chill grammie!

 

**Lena:** So does this make Angela and Fareeha a Shimada too?

 

**Hanzo:** Well, if they can control the dragon, then they are.

 

**Fareeha:** I didn’t ask for this responsibility…

 

**Genji:** I didn’t ask for my sacred sword to be melted down but here we are

 

**Lúcio:** Can you summon dragons still?

 

**Genji:** I CAN’T WITHOUT MY FUCKING SWORD!!!

 

**Lúcio:** So you’re just a Genji now?

 

**Genji:** APPARENTLY

 

**Hanzo:** Brotherhood ended with Genji, Angela and Fareeha are my sisters now.

 

**Hana:** HAHAHAHA LMFAO OMG

 

**Jesse:** OH GOD HAHAHAH HANZO DARLING WENT SAVAGE!!!

 

**Ashe:** Hilarious!!

 

**Lena:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Lúcio:** HANZO MEMED!!! WOW!!

 

**Genji:** WELP FUCK ME I GUESS!

 

**Angela:** Ew

 

**Genji:** Oh come on, Angela. I’m not that bad looking.

 

**Angela:** You’re right.

**Angela:** *Meh…

 

**Hana:** THAT’S EVEN WORSE HAHAHA

 

**Genji:** I’ll take it!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Can’t wait to see your tinder bio, Genji

**Fareeha:** Genji not-a-shimada-anymore

**Fareeha:** 35

**Fareeha:** Status: “Lost my sword to a hamster” single

**Fareeha:** Accomplishments: Doctor Amari-Ziegler ‘meh’ me 

 

**Jesse:** This is so sad, it’s hilarious

 

**Genji:** Honestly better than what I had in mind.

**Genji:** “Hamster took my dragon and gave them to a married lesbian couple”

 

**Ana:** That’s a conversation starter, right there.

 

**Genji:** I know, right?

 

**Hana:** His only matches are lesbians that want to know the iconic story.

 

**Jesse:** LMFAO

 

**Angela:** That’s honestly way too accurate.

 

**Fareeha:** LOL

 

**Genji:** I’m not even mad.

**Genji:** At least I’ll make friends.

 

**Ashe:** You’re taking this way better than I thought.

 

**Genji:** When you’ve been chopped up by your brother and left for dead, nothing ever gets as low as that.

 

**Hanzo:** Except your blue balls.

**Hanzo:** Oh wait, you have no balls.

 

**Jesse:** ksadjglkdglkhsz;lh

 

**Angela:** Stop Stop! I’m starting to feel so bad for Genji!

 

**Lena:** THREE HANZO ROASTS???!!!

 

**Hana:** Today is a good day!!!

 

**Sombra:** DIOS MIO DAMN HAHAHAHA!!!

 

**Ashe:** LORDY LORDY GOODNESS HAHAHA!!!!

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU HANZO!!

 

**Jesse:** aw man this shit is hilarious

**Jesse:** wish I was there to see Genji's face right now

 

**Angela:** Then next time don’t shoot up wedding rings right before the wedding

 

**Jesse:** I was curious

 

**Angela:** You spelled stupid wrong.

 

**Jesse:** Oh fuck you

**Jesse:** I wouldn’t even want to come if you asked me

 

**Angela:** I didn’t have to.

**Angela:** You were so unconscious that even Reinhardt’s Earth Shatter couldn’t wake you

 

**Jesse:** Whose fault is that?

 

**Fareeha:** You.

 

**Jesse:** Okay yeah

**Jesse:** You two didn’t have to knock me out so hard

 

**Fareeha:** You didn’t have to get so trigger happy

 

**Jesse:** You didn’t have to use your rocket launcher

 

**Fareeha:** Then what the fuck am I suppose to use a rocket launcher for? Pole dance with it?

 

**Angela:** ngl I want to see that

 

**Hana:** OKAY THIS IS WHERE WE STOP THE BIRD MOMS

 

**Angela:** Oh shush you little kumquat

 

**Hana:** EW motherly affection

 

**Genji:** Yeah, you’re spoiled enough already.

 

**Sombra:** Shut up, Shimada reject

 

**Genji:** Fuck off

 

**Sombra:** Nah

 

**Genji:** I want my dragon baaaack

 

**Hanzo:** Maybe you shouldn’t have lost your sword.

 

**Genji:** I DIDN’T KNOW THE RODENT WAS GOING TO USE MY SWORD!!!

 

**Hammond:** Well, I did so deal with it.

 

**Genji:** Fuuuuuck

 

**Angela:** You still haven’t answered my question

**Angela:** What the fuck do I feed a dragon?

 

**Genji:** Pussy

 

**Angela:** This is why you’re going to be single forever, you immature fuck.

 

**Genji:** I just want my dragon back

 

**Fareeha:** Then don’t lose your sword next time.

 

**Genji:** DIDN’T KNOW JESSE WOULD FUCK UP SO BADLY!

 

**Jesse:** I mean, at this point of our friendship, you should have expected me to fuck up so badly that it affected you.

 

**Angela:** True.

 

**Fareeha:** Wise words.

 

**Hanzo:** I agree.

 

**Hana:** Me too

 

**Sombra:**  Me three

 

**Lúcio:** Me four

 

**Lena:** Me five

 

**Mei:** Me six.

 

**Zarya:** Me seven

 

**Junkrat:** Me eighty

 

**Roadhog:** Me nine

 

**Zenyatta:** Me ten

 

**Orisa:** Me eleven

 

**Ashe:** Me twelve

 

**Reinhardt:** ME THIRTEEN

 

**Torbjörn:** ME FOURTEEN

 

**Jack:** Me fifteen

 

**Ana:** Me seventeen

 

**Moira:** Me eighteen

 

**Doomfist:** Me nineteen

 

**Satya:** Me twenty

 

**Widowmaker:** Me twenty one

 

**Yuna:** Me twenty-two

 

**Jae-Eun:** Me twenty-three

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Me twenty-four

 

**Kyung-Soo:** Me twenty-five

 

**Katya:** Me twenty-six

 

**Sanjay:** Me twenty-seven

 

**Reaper:** Me twenty-eight

 

**Bastion:** :)

 

**Winston:** Me thirty

 

**Genji:** Wow…

 

**Lena:** You know it’s true when Winston actually texts in the chat.

 

**Genji:** Fuck.

 

**Ana:** Are we going to ignore that Katya and Sanjay are still on this chat?

 

**Fareeha:** Are we going to ignore the fact that you wore a mask and everything to avoid Sam recognizing you at the wedding, mother?

 

**Ana:** Let us focus on one fuck up at a time.

 

**Genji:** Yeah, like Jesse.

  
**Jesse:** HEY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for the year! I hope you all have a Happy New Year!


	39. 20XX: Jesse's Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Overwatch! :)

**_In group chat “Overwatch Message Board”_ **

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ @Angela @Jesse @Genji Are you three busy? _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I’m not busy. :) _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ If busy means trying to keep Jesse away from my office, then I am not busy. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m booooored _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Hang out with me! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ We know. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ We’re aware. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I’m not busy! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Can you three babysit Fareeha again? _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I have to make sure Gabe and Jack don’t kill themselves on tomorrow’s mission. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Can I babysit without Jesse? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No! I want to babysit the kid too! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I know, Genji. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ If Angela doesn’t want to babysit with Jesse, I would be more than happy to babysit with her! :))) _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Why don’t we go to the beach, Angie? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You said you’ve been wanting to go to the beach. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I have, haven’t I? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I know, Genji. _

**_Angela:_** _Your feelings are valid._

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ If worse comes to worst, you can drown me in the ocean, Angie. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Alright, we’re going to the beach. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad and I can’t swim. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Make sand castles with Fareeha. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Okie. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ YAY!!! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I want to come too. :( _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ MOIRA ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE! _

**_Gabe:_** _I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES!_

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I NEED HELP WITH DEVELOPING A PLAN FOR TOMORROW’S MISSION! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Moira, Gabe is calling for you. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Go Moira, go! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Gabe is calling you, Moira. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Better go to him or else he’ll blow a fuse. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sadder. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ We know, Genji. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I know, Genji. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’s going to be okay buddy. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Oh my fucking god… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ @Fareeha What’s up little squirt? We going to the beach tomorrow so pack some swimming gear and be ready for a full day of big bro Jesse making sure you have the time of your life! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Ew no. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ LMFAO!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Wow… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ That was hilarious!! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad and I’m coming along as well. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Dear god no… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m coming, don’t worry. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Oh, cool. Yay! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** ...

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You’re sexist, Fareeha. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Not my fault that the last time I hung out with you, your ex sister tried to kill us. _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ And Genji was just sad. _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Angela, we should invite Ashe. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ We can! I’ll text her and ask if she wants to come! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Okay wow _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ And don’t bother, Angela. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ She doesn’t answer texts anymore for some odd reason. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ She does. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ She got a new number. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Oh that’s it, put her in the damn group chat. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Only because I want to see how this turns out. _

 

**_Angela added Ashe to group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ What’s up my cowboys and cowgurls? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ So you got a new phone? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Yee haw I did. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yah didn’t want to give your new number to me? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Nopity Nope nope! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Hi, Ashe. Want to come to the beach with us tomorrow? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Well sure, sugah! I would love to hang out with you and Angie. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ And the depressed robot and brokeback mountain fanatic I guess… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ First of all! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ RUDE _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Second! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Just because I liked Brokeback Mountain doesn’t mean I’m a ‘fanatic’ _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ And I support your man love. Case closed. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m not into men! _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ And Fareeha is totally not crushing on the doctor-in-training but go on Jesse. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Wait what? _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I don’t have a crush on Angela?? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Honey, you wouldn’t stop staring at Angela last time. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh, you have a crush on me? _

**_Angela:_ ** _ That’s cute, kid. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ No I dont! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Crushes are gross!! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Ew girls have cooties!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Okay but you were totally like ‘When is a good time to start realizing I’m into girls’ last time we hung out _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Shut up. F you! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Aw little Fareeha has a crush on the annoying Swiss hoe? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Shut up. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ You can’t be teasing Fareeha about liking girls when you won’t admit that you prefer Genji’s ass over mine and still be like, ‘Bro but no homo’ _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ LISTEN HERE YAH LITTLE BISH! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I WAS DRUNK! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ALL ASSES LOOK THE SAME TO ME WHEN I AM DRUNK _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You’re not legal to drink?? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ And I have no parents to tell me what to do. ;”) _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ hahaha _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Are you crying? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No... _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I can see you sobbing on the couch. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Shut up. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Give him 10 minutes and he’ll start spouting up like a gayser _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Okay, cool. I didn’t want to deal with a sad cowboy. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad too. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I know, Genji. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ We know. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ You’ll be okay, sugah. _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In a private message between Genji and Moira:_ **

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Can I just come with you guys to the beach? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ No, Gabe needs you for the mission tomorrow. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ But I want to go to the beach with you guys. _

**_Moira:_ ** _ And when I mean you guys, I mean just Angela. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ If you want Gabe to wrangle your neck for being absent, then be my guest. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Can you just add me to the group chat? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m too sad to do it. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ That makes no sense. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Being chopped up by my brother makes no sense to me but here I am. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Jesus christ… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I LIKE GIRLS! GIRLS! _

**_Jesse:_** _I LIKE TITS! TITTIES TIT TIIITS!!!_

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ See, I told yah he would be spouting his nonsense. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ lol, okay Jesse. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Whatever makes you happy. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fudge you. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Mature. _

 

 ** _Fareeha:_** _You can say tits but you won’t say fuck around me?_

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCKITY FUCK FUUUUCK! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Language _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Suck my ass. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Mature. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Hey McCree! _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Listen to this! _

**_Ashe:_ ** [ _ Check this out, fuckface! _ ](https://youtu.be/tjLr1XhBKVQ)

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Why? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Just click it. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh that’s a catchy song. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Jesse’s response in 5 _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ 4 _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ 3 _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ 2 _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ...mature Ashe... _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ It’s okay to be gay so let’s rejoice with the boys in the gay way!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Jesse stormed off to his room.  _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m pretty sure he took the Brokeback Mountain movie with him so he can watch it. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I heard him saying, “Jake Gyllenhaal wouldn’t treat me like this” _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I hope Jesse finds a man soon. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Me too. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Me three. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

_ XXX (The Next Day) _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fareeha wake yo ass up we are here to take your gay ass to the beach. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Five more minutes, Ennis Del Mar. I know you want to find your Jack Twist at the beach! _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ LMFAO _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Yes, Jesse be patient! _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ He ain’t going to quit you yet! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m not dealing with this right now. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Angela and I will find you the right man, don’t worry sugah! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Worry about yourself, Ashe! _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Bitch, I don’t need no man _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ You need to not text and drive, Ashe. I can see you tearing up the highway on the gps. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Bob is driving so don’t worry about me. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I know. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Just turn on the radio and listen to some music. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Hurry back, I’m sad. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fareeha isn’t ready yet! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You guys came too early! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fareeha, I’ll make my way to your room if you’re not down here in 5 mins. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Yo let a girl wake up first, bitch. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ We said 8am! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ That’s 10am in teenage time! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ YOU’RE ONLY 12! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ CLOSE ENOUGH!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Why don’t I make this faster and come up and help you get ready? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Of course! I would love help with picking my clothes! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ …@Genji this will take a lot longer than I thought. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m a sad boi boi. _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ @Genji, where did Jesse wander off to? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I don’t know. He ran off to prove you two wrong. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I thought he wanted to help bury Ashe in the sand with me? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Welp, idk then _

 

**_Jesse: *texts photo*_ **

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Alright bitches, Imma woo this girl and get her number. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Little creepy that you took a picture of her from behind… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ He’s already going to fail before he even started. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Ashe says to live stream this. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh no… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Smart, Ashe! _

 

**_Jesse has started a live stream on group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Can’t wait to see this fail. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m legit scared for him. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m not. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ Wait... _

**_Genji:_ ** _ WAIT! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh, that’s a man. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ YO YO NO!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ NOOOO _

**_Genji:_ ** _ OH FUCK NO!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ What’s wrong, Genji? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ JESSE NO _

**_Genji:_ ** _ JESSE NO NO NO!!! _

**_Genji:_** _NO DO NOT ASK FOR MY BROTHER’S NUMBER!!!!!_

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh shit… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Oh yes! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ JESSE THAT’S MY FUCKING BROTHER YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!!!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ JESSE THAT’S MY BROTHER!!!!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ THE ONE WHO FUCKING TRIED TO MURDER ME!!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ JESSE NO!!!!! _

 

**_Jesse has ended the live stream on group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ JESSE THAT WAS MY FUCKING BROTHER!!! _

 

**_Jessie:_ ** _ And he’s my Jack Twist, Genji. Sorry not sorry. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY!!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ SO LET’S REJOICE WITH THE BOYS IN THE GAY WAAY!! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ MAN THIS FEELS GOOD!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m actually happy for you, Jesse. :) _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ THANKS! I AM A NEW MAN NOW! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ THAT WAS MY FUCKING BROTHER!!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ WHERE ARE YOU!?? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!??? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No, don’t kill my darling! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ THAT’S KINDA THE POINT ASSHOLE!!!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ HE’S NOT YOUR DARLING!! _

**_Genji:_ ** _ OF ALL THE MEN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF THE CLOSET, IT HAD TO BE MY BROTHER??!!?!?!?!? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ He’s cute, what can I say? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ HE FUCKING TRIED TO MURDER ME FOR FAMILY HONOR!!!!!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Then he’s a cute attempted murderer. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I’m glad you found the right man, Jesse. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ May your relationship with him grows. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Congrats, Jesse! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Thank you! Thank you! I know I just met him but he’s making me giggle like a school girl. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Awww _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ This shit is so cute. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ HE FUCKING TRIED TO MURDER ME!!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I won’t tell him that I know you. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ RYŪJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Oh boi… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In a private message between Moira and Genji:_ **

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m mad and sad. _

  
**_Moira:_ ** _ And I didn’t get to go spend time with Angela at the beach but here I am. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's start the New Year with Jesse's realizing his true self and some sad boi Genji turning into the mad Genji of future Blackwatch. 
> 
> If I do more of these Early Overwatch chapters, what other characters would you like to see? It doesn't have to be strictly within this time setting. (For example, I can do young Amelie or young Brigitte and Fareeha meeting) Let me know! :)


	40. 20XX: Baby Brigitte

**_In group chat “BAMF”_ **

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I need help. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh my god, what’s wrong!? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Did something happen? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Are you hurt? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Sick? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Tell your big brother Jesse what’s wrong! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No, don’t tell Jesse. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ He’ll make it worse. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Tell your big sis Angela! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fuck off, hoe _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Language! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ LaNgUaGe! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ And mad. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ WE KNOW _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ We know Genji! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I’m stuck babysitting and I don’t want to do it alone. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Really? I thought this was an emergency… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ It’s Uncle Torb’s kid _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Brigitte? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Isn’t she like 3? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Yeah and I’m being forced to babysit her for the day _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I’m only 12! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Jesse is mentally like 5 so if that makes you feel better… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fuck you _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ But it’s Brigitte! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Have you guys never babysit Brigitte before? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Nope _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Lucky… _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I still have scars from the last time I babysat her _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What the fuck are you doing to the kid? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Wrestling with it? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Yeah _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WHAT? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ And I lose all the time _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ kljflasf;hl _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fareeha, you don’t wrestle a fucking 3-year-old kid _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I don’t wrestle it! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ The kid wrestles me _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m literally about to shit my pants lmfao _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What the fuck am I reading? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I’m telling the truth! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Brigitte is scary strong and I’m forced to babysit her today _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I don’t want to die! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Help me _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I have a hard time believing that you get your butt beaten by a three-year-old… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You can’t beat a man that has a mentality of a five-year-old _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ DAAAMN OKAY HAHAHAH _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ That was harsh. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Okay point taken… _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ LMFAO I JUST GOT ON BUT DAMN FAREEHA YOU ARE SO FUCKING RIGHT ABOUT JESSE!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCK OFF ASHE _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ What’s 9 + 10 _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ 21! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s 19 _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCK _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Isn’t that from a vine? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ IT IS BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT!!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Math is hard! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Babysitting Brigitte is hard so come help me _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Idk, I'm booked for today.  _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Between meetings and studying, I’m swamped _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m busy too. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Busy playing with your gun? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yep.  _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Very busy _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Must be hard living your life… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Please big bro Jesse??? _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Please? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No can do, squirt. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I gotta stay on base in case of an emergency  _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ So yourself? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fuck you _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Jesse you promised! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Remember the promise we made? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Now Reeha don’t say it in front of Angie. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ What’s the promise…?? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You said you and I are true brother and sister. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yes… _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I did say that… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ And you said that as my brother, you will ALWAYS be there for me _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I did say that yes… _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Aww, Jess… _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ You really perform that pact with her? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ What pact? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Nothing… _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Jesse you really going to do your sister wrong?? _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ You let down two sisters, you gonna let down a third??? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ YEAH _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Fareeha, lets talk about this on private message! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I’M GOING TO TRIGGER GENJI! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Nani? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ DON’T!!! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Haaa _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No! STOP _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Haaaannnn _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ PLEASE STOP PLEASE STOP! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Haaaaannnnzzz _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I AM LEAVING OKAY?! IM COMING SOON! _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Haaannnzzoap _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Handsoap. _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Thanks bro! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You’re welcome… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Um..okay...have fun I guess…?? _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ @ANGELA DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING BABIES WORK???? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ANGELA!!! _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ HEY _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ @ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA@ANGELA _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ JESUS FUCK JESSE DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS BLEW UP MY PHONE!?!?!?!? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ HOW THE FUCK WERE YOU EVEN ABLE TO TYPE AND TAG ME THAT MUCH!?!?!? _

**_Angela:_ ** _ WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!?! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ BRIGITTE BROKE MY FUCKING ARM!? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WHAT _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Nani…? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ MY ARM IS BROKEN! THE BABY BROKE IT _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I  _

**_Angela:_ ** _ sldafj;sfj;lefjlawje _

**_Angela:_ ** _ What? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Pics or it didn’t happen _

 

**_Fareeha: *texts photo*_ **

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Does that look broken to you? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh yeah, that’s broken… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I need a doctor! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Call Moira _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Dear god no… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I really don’t want to deal with your bullshit, tonight…. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ A FUCKING BABY BROKE MY ARM!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ God you’re lying. Fareeha must have done something… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _  I didn’t do anything!! _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ I’m serious! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fareeha, you can not tell me that a fucking 3-year-old kid broke Jesse’s arm. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Why don’t you come over and find out? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Hahaha, yeah no. I’m not going to fall for your stupid prank. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ DOES MY FUCKING BROKEN ARM LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING PRANK ANGELA?! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yes. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’ll go. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Don’t. It’s not worth it. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m curious. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Don’t be. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Too bad, I’m leaving. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fine but this is all a stupid prank. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ We shall see. _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ The baby has taken my arm off, @Angela. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Fuck you, this isn’t funny. _

 

**_Fareeha:*text photo*_ **

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ It’s gone. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Wow, so funny. Don’t give Brigitte the arm....take it away from her _

**_Angela:_ ** _ You guys suck at this prank _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ IT IS NOT A FUCKING PRANK OH MY GOD!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s all set up _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ YOUR LIFE IS A SETUP BITCH _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Mature. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ COME HERE AND SEE FOR YOURSELF! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Only because I want to get to the bottom of this stupid fucking prank. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _  It is not a prank… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ @Ashe the baby broke my arm. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ LMFAO _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Do I need to send Bob to help? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yes, please. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Alrighty then. _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ You need a new Bob. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ What? _

 

**_Fareeha: *texts photo*_ **

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ He has no head now. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Huh. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ That’s a strong baby. _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In group chat “Overwatch Message Board”:_ **

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ @Torbjörn, what the fuck do you feed your baby? _

 

**_Torbjörn:_ ** _ Love and affection? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What kind of love and affection makes a kid break three adult’s arms and rip an omnic butler’s head off???? _

 

**_Torbjörn:_ ** _ The Swedish kind of love. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Fareeha says she wants some since she doesn’t get enough from her mom. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ SHE SAID WHAT NOW????? _

  
**_Jesse:_ ** _ oof...ouch…. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats to Jack Morrison for officially being confirmed as gay!
> 
> Also, strong baby Brigitte. That's all.


	41. Never Say Those Names

**Lena:** Oi!

 **Lena:** I got a question!

 **Lena:** It’s more of a request.

 

 **Ana:** That’s not good.

 

 **Jesse:** Just to avoid wasting your time, it’s a no.

 

 **Lena:** WOW

 **Lena:** Well, you’re not in charge so fuck off

 

 **Jesse:** Well, I tried

 

 **Jack:** What’s your request, Lena?

 

 **Lena:** So I’ve noticed that everyone has their significant other in the chat except me.

 **Lena:** Sooooo

 **Lena:** I was wondering if I could add Emily to the chat?

 

 **Jack:** No.

 

 **Lena:** Oh come on!

 **Lena:** You didn’t even give it a thought!

 

 **Jack:** Okay, let me think about it.

 **Jack:** …

 **Jack:** No.

 

 **Lena:** Hahaha very funny.

 

 **Jack:** I’m not being funny. I’m serious.

 **Jack:** No.

 

 **Lena:** What??

 **Lena:** We have Russia’s most powerful hypocritical leader, a backstabbing Twinkie-loving ex-Vishkar Talon member, and Hana’s gorgeous Meka models in this chat

 **Lena:** But I can’t have my harmless girlfriend in the chat.

 

 **Katya:** As long as Russia remains safe, I’m fine with being called hypocritical.

 

 **Sanjay:**...I feel attacked.

 

 **Satya:** Good.

 

 **Yuna:** Thanks, we are good looking.

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** Thanks!

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** Aww shucks!

 

 **Jae-Eun:** Awww, so sweet!

 

 **Jack:** Lena, everyone on this chat are either agents, leaders, or soldiers, or those that want the best for humanity

 

 **Sombra:** Debatable

 

 **Jack:** My point is!

 **Jack:** Emily, a sweet girl, is a normal civilian

 **Jack:** Who lives a life that we all dream of but we can’t because this is our lives.

 **Jack:** We chose to live like this.

 

 **Angela:** Worst choice of my life, tbh

 

 **Fareeha:** Same.

 

 **Ana:** BUT YOU STILL WENT OFF TO MAKE A CAREER SHOOTING ROCKETS, FAREEHA!!!

 

 **Fareeha:** AND YOU STILL LEFT ME AND DAD ALONE TO THINK YOU WERE DEAD, MOM OF THE FUCKING YEAR!

 

 **Ana:** I WROTE LETTERS AND YOU DIDN’T WRITE BACK!!

 

 **Fareeha:** I FORGOT HOW TO READ AND WRITE!

 

 **Ana:** BULLSHIT!

 

 **Jack:** ONE PROBLEM AT A TIME PLEASE!!!

 **Jack:** BACK TO MY POINT

 **Jack:** Lena, for the sake of Emily and her safety, you will not add her to the chat.

 **Jack:** Surely you understand?

 

 **Lena:** No. I don’t.

 

 **Jack:** Oh my god…

 **Jack:** Lena, we can’t add civilians to this chat.

 **Jack:** It’s too risky.

 

 **Lena:** If risky means that everyone on this chat is always gay or having straight sex, then yeah it’s risky.

 

 **Hana:** Don’t forget Omnic love

 

 **Lena:** Oh yeah, omnic love!

 

 **Zarya:** How do omnics...love?

 

 **Orisa:** We engage in casual and light-hearted conversation that we deem as a positive experience for us both.

 

 **Zarya:**

 

 **Hana:** Let her stay confused.

 

 **Jesse:** Did she fucking meme?

 **Jesse:** I never thought I would ever see that from Zarya!

 

 **Zarya:** I can be hip with the kids.

 

 **Hana:** Okay stop

 **Hana:** Please…

 

 **Zarya:** Whatever.

 

 **Lena:** @Winston Can I add Emily to the chat?

 

 **Winston:** No.

 

 **Jack:** There’s your answer.

 

 **Lena:** This is so unfair.

 **Lena:** You get to have your boyfriend in the chat but not I?

 

 **Jack:** If something happens to Gabe, he can take care of himself.

 

 **Sombra:** Debatable.

 

 **Reaper:** Wow, Sombra…

 

 **Sombra:** You got stuck in the air conditioner yesterday

 

 **Reaper:** THANKS FOR HELPING ME, SOMBRA

 

 **Sombra:** LOL

 

 **Jack:** Gabe again?

 

 **Reaper:** It’s really hard to escape from them…

 

 **Jack:** No, I get it.

 **Jack:** I’m glad you’re okay.

 

 **Reaper:** <3

 

 **Jack:** <3

 

 **Lena:** WAY TO RUB IT IN MY FACE!

 

 **Reaper:** Look, if I may say something about this Emily situation?

 

 **Lena:** You may not.

 

 **Reaper:** Emily is a normal person with a mundane life.

 **Reaper:** Does she really need to engage with this chat’s fuckery?

 **Reaper:** Do you really want to ruin her life with this chat?

 

 **Lena:** Her life was already ruined once she decided to date me.

 

 **Jesse:** Jesus…

 **Jesse:** That’s one way to appreciate someone and also tear yourself apart.

 

 **Lena:** I’m gay, that’s how I live.

 

 **Jack:** And the answer is still no, Lena

 

 **Lena:** I mean...you can’t stop me…

 

 **Jack:** I’m waiting.

 

 **Lena:** …

 

 **Jack:** …

 

 **Lena:** God I’m such a wimp…

 

 **Hana:** LMFAO

 

 **Jesse:** Yeah, you’re a wimp.

 

 **Lena:** NOT HELPFUL!

 

 **Jack:** Unless you want to deliberately disobey my order, which has been broken many times, the answer will remain the same

 **Jack:** No.

 

 **Lena:** Alright Jack “Flat Ass” Morrison

 

 **Jack:** I do not have a flat ass!!

 

 **Lena:**

 

 **Jack** : Lena, you are getting on my fucking nerves today

 

 **Lena:** You’re too grouchy all the time.

 

 **Jack:** No I’m not.

 

 **Lena:** Yeah, you are.

 

 **Jack:** No, I’m not.

 

 **Lena:** You were more fun when you were with Vincent.

 

 **Ana:** LENA WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!

 

 **Reaper:** OH GOD LENA

 

 **Jesse:** LENA YOU KNOW THAT’S A NAME WE SHOULD NEVER MENTION OR TEXT IN FRONT OF JACK!?!?!?!?

 

 **Lena:** I’M SORRY! I REGRET IT ALREADY!

 

 **Hana:** Who’s Vincent?

 

 **Ana:** DON’T SAY IT!!!!!

 **Ana:** FUCK TOO LATE

 

 **Angela:** WAS THAT JACK HOWLING?????

 

 **Fareeha:** JESUS WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN???

 **Fareeha:** IS THAT JACK OR A DYING CAT??

 

 **Brigitte:** CAT????

 

 **Reaper:** LENA WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????

 

 **Lena:** IM SORRY I GOT PETTY!!!!!

 

 **Reaper:** YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO JACK!!!!

 

 **Lena:** I’m really sorry!!

 **Lena:** It was stupid!

 **Lena:** I got petty…

 

 **Angela:** Did you really have to say that name???

 

 **Hanzo:** Vincent?

 

 **Jesse:** DON’T SAY IT!

 

 **Ana:** LENA YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!

 

 **Lena:** Well shit…

 

 **Moira:** I’m confused.

 **Moira:** Why is that name a taboo?

 

 **Jesse:** You don’t remember??

 

 **Angela:** She probably doesn’t remember what she ate for breakfast.

 

 **Moira:** I DO!

 

 **Angela:** What is it then?

 

 **Moira:** I’ll tell you when I remember…

 

 **Sombra:** Well you won’t because you didn’t breakfast.

 

 **Moira:** How do you know that?

 

 **Sombra:** I know everything

 **Sombra:** Just how I know that V is Jack’s ex-boyfriend

 

 **Moira:** V?

 **Moira:** Who’s V?

 

 **Angela:** We just talked about it…

 

 **Moira:** Just tell me who V is…

 

 **Angela:** Your virginity.

 

 **Moira:** Mature…

 

 **Genji:** So are we going to ignore that Lena might die soon?

 

 **Reaper:** Yes…

 

 **Ana:** She can just recall, right?

 

 **Fareeha:** There’s a limit to how much she can recall.

 

 **Moira:** Oh, it’s Vincent.

 

 **Reaper:** STOP SAYING THAT NAME!!

 

 **Jesse:** Jesus, I heard Jack scream even louder…

 

 **Moira:** Why? Is it because he’s Jack’s ex?

 

 **Reaper:** No, I’m not petty like Lena.

 **Reaper:** Jack went through such a hard time letting V go.

 **Reaper:** He says he moved on but he gets very emotional around that name.

 

 **Ana:** Last time I said it, he almost wrangled my head off.

 

 **Angela:** He actually tore my Valkyrie suit apart in a fit of rage when I accidentally said it.

 

 **Jesse:** He actually shot me when I said it.

 

 **Genji:** I thought I was going to die again when I accidentally let it slip...

 

 **Hana:** So Lena is going to die?

 

 **Reaper:** Yes.

 

 **Moira:** All because of a name?

 

 **Angela:** Yes.

 

 **Moira:** I don’t get it?

 

 **Angela:** You wouldn’t get it.

 

 **Widowmaker:** What in the world is going on in this chat?

 

 **Hana:** The end of Lena Oxton.

 

 **Widowmaker:** Okay, then.

 

 **Moira:** OH

 **Moira:** Is it like how we can’t say Gérard’s name in Amélie’s presence?

 

 **Reaper:**...

 **Reaper:** Oh no…

 

 **Doomfist:** Was that screeching coming from Widowmaker?

 

 **Sombra:** WHAT THE FUCK MOIRA????

 **Sombra:** WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT????

 

 **Moira:** Oh…

 **Moira:** I’m sorry.

 

 **Satya:**  WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT NAME, MOIRA?

 **Satya:**  SHE KEEPS SENDING ME VOICE MEMOS!

 **Satya:**  ALL SHE DOES IS WAIL AND SENDS THEM!

 

 **Reaper:** THERE’S A REASON WHY WE MADE IT A RULE, MOIRA!!!

 

 **Moira:** I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the word husband!

 **Moira:** That doesn't trigger her!??

 

 **Sombra:** YOU REALLY WANT TO START ASKING QUESTIONS WHEN I JUST SAW WIDOWMAKER RUN TOWARDS YOUR LAB WITH HER RIFLE??

 

 **Moira:** FUCK

  

 **Jesse:** Aw boy…

 

 **Ana:** Is this the fall of Overwatch and Talon?

 

 **Genji:** I’m honestly not that surprised.

 

 **Hanzo:** So we really going to ignore that Jack and Lena are fighting right now?

 

 **Angela:** Do YOU want to get involved?

 

 **Hanzo:** No.

 

 **Doomfist:** So I take it we are going to ignore Widowmaker shooting at Moira?

 

 **Sombra:** Yah

 

 **Reaper:** Yes…

 

 **Satya:** Let me know when she calms down and I’ll come over.

  
**Sombra:** Gotcha.

 

XXX

 

 **Jack:** Press F to pay respects for our fallen comrade, Lena Oxton.

 

 **Angela:** F

 

 **Fareeha:** F

 

 **Jesse:** F

 

 **Genji:** F

 

 **Hana:** F

 

 **Lúcio:** F

 

 **Brigitte:** F

 

 **Ana:** F

 

 **Winston:** F

 

 **Reinhardt:** F

 

 **Torbjörn:** F

 

 **Bastion:** F

 

 **Orisa:** F

 

 **Zarya:** F

 

 **Hanzo:** F

 

 **Mei:** F

 

 **Zenyatta:** F

 

 **Ashe:** F

 

 **Hammond:** F

 

 **Satya:** F

 

 **Doomfist:** F

 

 **Sombra:** F

 

 **Roadhog:** F

 

 **Junkrat:** F

 

 **Katya:** F

 

 **Sanjay:** F

 

 **Yuna:** F

 

 **Kyung-Soo:** F

 

 **Seung-Hwa:** F

 

 **Jae-Eun:** F

 

 **Lena:** I AM STILL ALIVE THANKS!

 

 **Widowmaker:** Press F to pay respects to Moira.

  
**Angela:** Hahaha, no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is why it is taking a bit longer to add Emily in.... not because I keep forgetting to add her..


	42. Truth or Dare [PART 1]

**Hana:** I’m bored.

 

**Genji:** Cool story, bro.

 

**Hana:** Thanks bro.

 

**Genji:** You’re welcome bro.

 

**Hana:** Still bored, bro

 

**Jesse:** Cool story, bro

 

**Hana:** Fucka you!

 

**Angela:** I read that in an Italian accent.

 

**Hana:** That’sa miyah pointa!

 

**Lena:** Stop.

 

**Hana:** Okay.

 

**Fareeha:** Hey, ya’ll know where Pharah II is?

 

**Jesse:** Who?

 

**Fareeha:** Pharah II

 

**Jesse:** Who??

 

**Fareeha:** PHARAH II

 

**Jesse:** I KNOW

**Jesse:** WHO IS THAT?

 

**Fareeha:** MY DRAGON!

 

**Jesse:** OOOHHHH

**Jesse:** No, I don’t.

 

**Genji:** I miss my dragon.

 

**Angela:** Shouldn’t have lost your sword.

 

**Genji:** Didn’t know the rat was going to melt it!

 

**Hammond:** @ me next time!

 

**Genji:** fuck you.

 

**Angela:** Lol

 

**Fareeha:** Found her. She was under the bed

 

**Genji:** That’s good.

 

**Fareeha:** Thanks.

 

**Genji:** Yeah

 

**Hana:** I’m really bored.

 

**Sombra:** Same.

 

**Hana:** Where are you?

 

**Sombra:** Disguised as Hooter waitress with Widowmaker

 

**Hana:** Wat?

 

**Widowmaker:** Kill me.

 

**Sombra:** Kill me

**Sombra:** I’m so fucking bored.

 

**Hana:** Same

 

**Reaper:** Me too…

 

**Doomfist:** Worst Talon punishment ever.

 

**Lena:** What are you two doing?

 

**Doomfist:** Dressed as Hooter waitresses

 

**Hana:** Oh…

**Hana:** Good for you.

 

**Doomfist:** Thanks. Their shirts bring out my pecs

 

**Moira:** Tell me about it!

**Moira: *texts photo***

**Moira:** Doesn’t this Hooter outfit bring out my eyes?

 

**Angela:** I just vomited.

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Angela:** All over my phone

 

**Widowmaker:** Me too.

 

**Moira:** I’m right next to you! You didn’t puke!

 

**Widowmaker:** Mentally, I did.

 

**Moira:** Whatever…

 

**Sombra:** I’m bored.

 

**Hana:** Same.

 

**Sombra:** What’s Brigitte doing?

 

**Hana:** Not giving me attention.

 

**Sombra:** Really?

 

**Hana:** She’s asleep.

 

**Sombra:** At 4pm?

 

**Hana:** Yep.

 

**Sombra:** Oh.

**Sombra:** Okay.

 

**Hana:** lol

 

**Sombra:** lol

 

**Hana:** I’m bored.

 

**Jesse:** You’ve established that, thanks!

 

**Hana:** Do something about it.

 

**Jesse:** Go play your video game or something.

 

**Hana:** Did that.

**Hana:** Twice.

 

**Fareeha:** You have over 100 games and you’re still bored?

 

**Hana:** Yep.

**Hana:** HEY

**Hana:** Let's play truth or dare!

 

**Sombra:** BITCH IM SO DOWN

 

**Jesse:** Actually...that sounds like fun.

 

**Genji:** I’m down.

 

**Fareeha:** Sure

 

**Angela:** Oh fine, I’m bored too.

 

**Hana:** @Overwatch @Talon Play Truth or Dare with us!

 

**Lena:** WAIT!

 

**Lena added Emily to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Lúcio:** WELL IT IS ABOUT TIME!

 

**Jesse:** It’s about time you defied Jack even after he tried to kill you.

 

**Lena:** I didn’t add her, she added herself on my phone

 

**Jesse:** Meh, close enough

 

**Emily:** Hi guys!

 

**Hana:** Hi! Come play truth or dare with us!

 

**Emily:** I’m so down!

 

**Widowmaker:** Huh, so I heard you want to die by me sitting on your face?

 

**Emily:** Yeah, so don’t die before me.

**Emily:** Okay?

 

**Widowmaker:** I tried to kill your girlfriend.

 

**Emily:** You can make it up to me by placing dat ass on my face and suffocating me with it on my deathbed.

 

**Widowmaker:** ...okay then.

 

**Hana:** WHY WAS SHE NOT ADDED TO THE CHAT AGES AGO?

**Hana:** SHE’S FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!

 

**Jesse:** Bruh, I don’t think Jack had to worry about Emily’s safety.

**Jesse:** She can take care of herself.

 

**Emily:** I try.

 

**Lena:** Isn’t she the best?

 

**Angela:** Sounds like she’s going to make this chat even worse.

 

**Emily:** I’ll do my best!

**Emily:** By the way, I saw a photo of you in the newspaper and are you really 37??

**Emily:** Because I totally thought you were some freshman college student

 

**Angela:** She can stay in the chat.

 

**Lena:** YAY

 

**Fareeha:** Welcome to the chat, Emily.

**Fareeha:** Where your families are your worst nightmare and your friends are the only people that actually understand your fucked up life.

 

**Hanzo:** Truth.

 

**Ana:** GET OVER MY FUCKING FAKE DEATH FAREEHA

 

**Fareeha:** FATHER WAS NEVER THE SAME AFTER YOUR ‘DEATH’!

 

**Emily:** Have you ever tried getting another tattoo?

**Emily:** You seem like someone who’ll get more tattoos to represent their pain.

 

**Fareeha:** …

 

**Ana:** Oh no.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m going to get the name Sam tattooed on my back like a tramp stamp.

 

**Ana:** NO

**Ana:** WHY FAREEHA??

 

**Fareeha:** Because you tramped over Sam’s feelings and left him.

 

**Ana:** THIS FUCKING CHILD OF MINE!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** :p

**Fareeha:** yolo

 

**Emily:** Ana, you probably shouldn’t have faked your death. That’s a very cheap way of getting out of a relationship.

 

**Ana:** ANSDLGKJLH;LFDGHLDHMOBVKHHASIHGDOjndgkdhnkvgkdfkvhskfhkjdfhvkgnhoevhicsehlhkihi

**Ana:** FUCK YOU! YOU WEREN’T THERE!!!! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAD TO FAKE MY DEATHKDSLAHLGK

 

**Jesse:** I heard something break…

 

**Fareeha:** My mother’s sanity.

 

**Lena:** lmfao

 

**Angela:** It was bound to happen soon

 

**Hana:** Damn, Emily is a therapist too?

**Hana:** We needed her a long time ago.

 

**Jesse:** We actually did…

 

**Emily:** Glad to have helped!

 

**Lúcio:** Alright, so we playing truth or dare still?

 

**Hana:** Hell yeah!

**Hana:** Emily, since you’re the newest. You can go first.

 

**Emily:** Okay, so how does this work?

 

**Hana:** You can tag anyone in the chat.

**Hana:** They’ll see. Sombra will make sure they’ll see it.

 

**Emily:** Alright, give me a second.

**Emily:** @Angela Truth or Dare?

 

**Angela:** Dare.

 

**Emily:** I dare you to sext Moira on this chat.

 

**Angela:** Truth, I meant truth.

 

**Jesse:** WHY WAS SHE NOT ADDED TO THE CHAT EARLIER?? SHE’S THE BEST!!

 

**Hana:** Sorry, Angela. You said dare.

 

**Angela:** Are you fucking kidding me?

 

**Genji:** DO IT DO IT

 

**Fareeha:** NO! NO!

 

**Jesse:** DO IT!

 

**Sombra:** DO IT!!

 

**Lena:** DO IT! DO IT!

 

**Lúcio:** DO IT DO IT!

 

**Moira:** YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!

 

**Angela:** @Reaper, please kill me

 

**Reaper:** Nah, you set yourself up for this one.

 

**Fareeha:** YOU DON’T NEED TO DO IT BABE!!!

 

**Sombra:** If she doesn’t do it, I’ll post one of her nudes on this chat.

 

**Fareeha:** …

**Fareeha:** Sorry, I can’t help you there honey…

 

**Angela:** Fuck

**Angela:** FUUUUCK

**Angela:** FACK

 

**Moira:** Tag me! Tag me!

 

**Angela:** I want to die.

 

**Moira:** I WILL RESURRECT YOU BACK TO LIFE.

 

**Angela:** Oh hell no.

**Angela:** @Moira Suck my ass, please. Thanks, Moira-chan.

**Angela:** There I did it.

 

**Moira:** That wasn’t a sext…

 

**Emily:** It counts in my book. Good job Angela!

 

**Angela:** Kill me.

 

**Moira:** NO REDO!

 

**Hana:** Angela, it’s your turn.

 

**Angela:** @Genji Truth or Dare

 

**Genji:** Truth

 

**Angela:** Why haven’t you given me my damn Swiss chocolates you promised? It’s been 20 years.

 

**Genji:** Dare! DARE!

 

**Angela:** I DARE YOU TO GIVE ME MY DAMN SWISS CHOCOLATES!!!

 

**Genji:** FUCK

**Genji:** @Hanzo kill me again

 

**Hanzo:** It’s just chocolates…

 

**Genji:** SOMEBODY KILL ME!

 

**Hammond:** Tempting.

 

**Genji:** FUCK

 

**Angela:** GIVE ME MY DAMN SWISS CHOCOLATES!!!!!

 

**Genji:** WHEN I GIVE IT TO YOU, ILL GIVE IT TO YOU!!!

 

**Angela:** 20 YEARS GENJI

**Angela:** 20 FUCKING YEARS!!!

 

**Genji:** YOU CAN WAIT FOR 20 MORE!

 

**Angela:** JUST GIVE ME MY DAMN CHOCOLATES!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Give her, her chocolates, Genji.

 

**Genji:** FACK

**Genji:** I GAVE YOU CHOCOLATES!!!!!!

 

**Angela:** THEY WEREN’T SWISS!!!

 

**Genji:** Fine. Fine.

**Genji:** Tomorrow, you will come with me and I will get you your Swiss chocolates. Okay?

 

**Angela:** I’ll send Fareeha after you at 8am tomorrow.

 

**Genji:** FINE

**Genji:** Sheesh…

 

**Hana:** Your turn Genji!

 

**Genji:** @Jesse Truth or Dare

 

**Jesse:** Truth

 

**Genji** :Tell us how you lost your arm.

 

**Jesse:** God damn it.

**Jesse:** DARE

 

**Hana:** Do you guys know how truth or dare works?

**Hana:** You can’t switch once you’ve made your choice.

 

**Jesse:** FACK

 

**Reaper:** I’m also curious very about this…

 

**Jack:** Me too

 

**Ana:** Me three

 

**Emily:** Oh? You’re better?

 

**Ana:** Stay out of my family affair.

 

**Emily:** Don’t fake your death, next time.

 

**Ana:** @Lena do you tell Emily everything about us???

 

**Lena:** It’s good foreplay

 

**Angela:** What?

 

**Lena:** What?

 

**Jesse:** What?

 

**Lena:** So how did you lose your arm?

 

**Jesse:** Hey, don’t change the subject.

 

**Lena:** I am changing the subject.

 

**Angela:** We’ll talk about Lena’s weird fetish later

**Angela:** How did you lose your arm?

 

**Jesse:** It’s really not important.

 

**Emily:** Let’s break it down. He had to have lost his arm after Blackwatch days.

**Emily:** When he was recalled for New Overwatch, he didn’t have his arm.

**Emily:** So about eight or so years before the recall, he lost his arm.

 

**Jesse:** Lena, do you fucking roleplay as us when you and Emily get it on?

**Jesse:** How does she know so much about us?

 

**Emily:** Just answer Genji’s question.

 

**Genji:** YEAH!

**Genji:** ANSWER IT

 

**Angela:** Answer it, we want to know.

 

**Fareeha:** Answer it, Jesse

 

**Ana:** I actually want to know…

 

**Lena:** Tell us!

 

**Hana:** TELL US!!!

 

**Sombra:** I WANT TO KNOW SO BADLY BC I CAN’T FIND ANY INFO ON IT!!

 

**Jesse:** …

**Jesse:** @Ashe

 

**Ashe:** Howdy balls, how are yah?

 

**Jesse:** Tell them how I lost my arm.

  
**Ashe:** Oh boy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pharmercy dragons are still around, Genji still doesn't have a new sword, Emily added herself in, Jesse is about to spill the tea. OVERWATCH IS FUCKING QUAKING!!!


	43. Truth or Dare [PART 2]

**Ashe:** Are you sure, Jesse?

 

**Jesse:** I can’t get out of this.

**Jesse:** They want to know.

 

**Sombra:** Or I’ll post that picture of you and Ashe drunk in bed wearing nothing but underwear and stockings.

 

**Hanzo:** Excuse me, what?

 

**Hana:** I want to know the story behind that…

 

**Angela:** That was on his 21st birthday

**Angela:** I would know

**Angela:** I walked in on them.

**Angela:** The most sexuality confusing night of my life. 

**Angela:** But I was drunk so that didn’t help.

 

**Fareeha:** Was that still the same time when Genji was extremely anti-Hanzo?

 

**Hanzo:** Oh yeah

**Hanzo:** I didn’t get to go to his 21st bday because of my asshole of a brother

 

**Genji:** Says the brother who chopped me up

 

**Hanzo:** Get over it

 

**Jesse:** I WOULD LOVE TO NOT REMEMBER THAT NIGHT THANKS

 

**Ashe:** Yeah me too…

**Ashe:** But that party was lit af

 

**Hanzo:** I see…

 

**Ashe:** The worse Jesse did that night was kiss Angela while he was drunk.

**Ashe:** Don’t worry, darlin!

 

**Hanzo:** Oh I know, Angela called me up after and cried about it for hours

 

**Angela:** We had a really nice talk to talk

 

**Hanzo:** We did. 

**Hanzo:** Also, I just want to know if it’s possible to get that picture for myself?

 

**Jesse:** DON’T SOMBRA HE’S GOING TO USE IT AGAINST ME!!!

 

**Sombra:** My good sir, I am more than willing to make a deal with yah!

 

**Ashe:** WOAH WOAH SUGAR! I AIN’T LETTING YOU SEE MY LADY BITS!!!

 

**Hanzo:** I’ll crop you out.

 

**Ashe:** Cropping ain’t going to help

 

**Hanzo:** Sombra, do you know how to edit?

 

**Sombra:** Of all things I can do, I can’t edit well.

**Sombra:** I can just photoshop your face onto Ashe’s body.

**Sombra:** Not well but it’s what I can do.

 

**Hanzo:** You hacked into hundreds of private files and manipulated them for your own use.

**Hanzo:** And you can’t edit?

 

**Sombra:** I’m not an artist, I’m a hacker.

**Sombra:** Two very different occupations.

 

**Ana:** What...is...this...conversation?

 

**Emily:** An intellectual bargain between a hacker-not-an-artist scammer and a horny Legolas wannabe.

 

**Hanzo:** ....

 

**Sombra:** I died at horny Legolas wannabe omfg!!!

 

**Genji:** ksadlghlaksjhlkhdfkghsdgklh

**Genji:** I’m dead

 

**Angela:** Emily is ruining the chat.

 

**Hana:** No, she’s making it better.

 

**Lúcio:** I AGREE LMFAO

 

**Lena:** God, I can’t believe she’s my girlfriend.

**Lena:** I love her so much

 

**Emily:** I love you too, smoochums!

 

**Fareeha:** This is funny and all!

**Fareeha:** But we’re getting off topic.

 

**Angela:** I agree with my lady love.

**Angela:** I want to know how Jesse lost his arm.

 

**Ashe:** Do you?

**Ashe:** It’s going to make you want to kick him out of Overwatch.

 

**Angela:** Perfect.

 

**Genji:** Did he get into a fight with Bob?

 

**Hana:** Or lost it in some messed up arm wrestling match?

 

**Lena:** Did he piss off some mafia?

 

**Lúcio:** Or did he slip on a butcher knife in some freak accident??

 

**Jesse:** …

**Jesse:** I might as well leave Overwatch.

 

**Reaper:** Just tell us.

**Reaper:** We won’t judge.

**Reaper:** If the story isn’t all that grand, it’s not a big deal.

 

**Jesse:** I’m not worried about impressing you guys.

**Jesse:** I’m worried that you guys will never look at me the same way.

 

**Angela:** If you killed someone for that arm, we’ll overlook just this once.

 

**Jack:** Okay, maybe we will overlook it.

**Jack:** But just tell us.

 

**Jesse:** Ashe?

 

**Hana:** What does Ashe have to do with your arm?

**Hana:** Did she take it off?

 

**Ashe:** I wish.

**Ashe:** That would be a lot easier to explain…

 

**Fareeha:** Okay, how about this?

**Fareeha:** On three, either you or Jesse tell us what happened to that arm.

**Fareeha:** How about that?

 

**Ashe:** Fine, fine.

**Ashe:** Give me a second. I gotta write it down and copy n paste it

 

**Sombra:** I’m so excited about this.

 

**Hana:** I’m going to wake up Brigitte for this.

**Hana:** She needs to see this.

 

**Jesse:** I’m just warning...it’s not that impressive.

 

**Jack:** I’m sure it’s not a big deal.

 

**Emily:** I bet it’s something stupid.

 

**Genji:** I highly doubt that.

**Genji:** I’ve worked with him. I’ve seen him do the stupidest things before.

**Genji:** I’m sure he and Ashe are just amping it up.

 

**Jesse:** We’re really not…

 

**Brigitte:** What’s up bitches? This better be fucking good.

 

**Hana:** She’s grouchy from being woken up.

 

**Sombra:** I can see that…

 

**Brigitte:** Sup girl?

 

**Sombra:** Not much, you?

 

**Brigitte:** Sleepy af

 

**Widowmaker:** You should take my place.

**Widowmaker:** I hate Hooters and their outfits

 

**Brigitte:** So you can go suck Satya’s ass off?

**Brigitte:** While I wear some skimpy shirt and shorts?

**Brigitte:** No, fuck you Mondatta-phobic piece of blueberry cream shit.

 

**Zenyatta:** YAS GIRL YAS

**Zenyatta:** I meant, peace and tranquility Brigitte. 

 

**Widowmaker:** Goodness…

 

**Sombra:** ldkjslghfhskjdlshdgfk

 

**Hana:** I’m dead!!!!

 

**Angela:** Note to everyone, don’t wake up Brigitte from her sleep ever again…

 

**Genji:** MASTER WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??

 

**Zenyatta:** Nothing, peace, and love to all.

 

**Lúcio:** lmfao omg omg ksdfkjaldgfks

 

**Satya:** …

**Satya:** Alright, then.

 

**Emily:** Your girlfriend got fucking creamed by an angry Swedish meatball.

 

**Satya:** ...cool…

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m so fucking done.

 

**Hana:** JESUS EMILY HAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

 

**Genji:** OH GOD HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

**Ashe:** I’m ready. 

 

**Hana:** Me too.

 

**Jesse:** Oh boy.

 

**Fareeha:** 3

**Fareeha:** 2

**Fareeha:** 1

 

**Ashe:** So after Jesse came back after Blackwatch, he came to visit me. We had a party and we played a game. The game was “Hot Potato” and we used my dynamite. We didn’t light it...at first. We got bored after a few rounds so we did this: We light the dynamite and played “Hot Potato”. When we thought it would explode, we had Bob catch it and have him throw it into the air. Well...the dynamite was going to explode for this one round and Jesse miscalculated. It blew three of his fingers off. We freaked out and wrapped it up as best as we could. Couldn’t find the fingers but he was fine.

 

**Jesse:** So we kept playing…

 

**Ashe:** And it was going fine for a bit…

 

**Jesse:** Until I miscalculated again…

 

**Ashe:** I panicked because I thought it was going to blow up so…

 

**Jesse:** She screamed, “Bob, do something!”

 

**Ashe:** And Bob shot the dynamite but it was too close to Jesse so it blew up his arm.

 

**Jesse:** And then we kept playing after we wrapped me up.

 

**Ashe:** And we stopped once it gave me 3rd-degree burns on my arm.

**Ashe:** That’s why I have tattoos on my arm.

 

**Hanzo:** …

 

**Angela:** SO THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN’T STOP DESPITE BLOWING UP JESSE’S FINGERS OFF WASN’T ENOUGH???

 

**Hana:** ….How dumb are you guys?

 

**Jack:** Gabe, why did you ever let him in Blackwatch?

 

**Reaper:** I forgot the reason.

 

**Ana:** My fake death is starting to look better now, huh? @Fareeha

 

**Fareeha:** Not now mother…

 

**Emily:** Huh. They really live up to the ‘cowboy’ persona.

 

**Genji:** They’re dumbasses.

 

**Sombra:** Dude...this is an entirely new level of stupid.

 

**Brigitte:** So you’re telling me I was awoken to hear how two cow fuck wannabes played with a fucking grenade and lost half of their brain cells in the process?

**Brigitte:** Thank you for helping me lower my fucking IQ, good night.

 

**Ashe:** ...

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Angela:** I think Brigitte summarize how we all feel about this.

 

**Ashe:** It was fun at the time.

 

**Hanzo:** WAS IT FUCKING WORTH IT?

 

**Jesse:** It was and we would do it again.

 

**Ashe:** YEP!

 

**Emily:** No amount of my brain cells will be able to comprehend their logic.

 

**Jesse:** Haters…

 

**Ashe:** Don’t knock it until you try it…

 

**Doomfist:** Pardon my rudeness, this may cross a line, but is this how white people think?

 

**Emily:** No, it’s just Americans.

 

**Lena:** OMFG

 

**Angela:** True tho.

 

**Jesse:** WHATEVER I TOLD THE TRUTH MOVE ON

**Jesse:** @JACK TRUTH OR DARE?

 

**Jack:** I’m not playing this.

 

**Jesse:** TRUTH OR DARE?

 

**Jack:** Fine, truth.

 

**Jesse:** What’s the worst thing Overwatch has ever done?

 

**Angela:** Being created in the first place.

 

**Lena:** OKAY TEA

**Lena:** DAMN ANGELA

 

**Jack:** Oh my god, Angela…

 

**Reaper:** And yet you’re here now, Angela…

 

**Angela:** Well someone has to clean up your shit.

 

**Lena:** Um I thought it was bc Winston wanted to bring heroes back into the world but okay….

 

**Winston:** That was before I realized how fucked up you all are.

 

**Genji:** That’s true.

**Genji:** We’re pretty fucked up.

 

**Angela:** I agree.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, it was fucked up for my mom to fake her own death.

 

**Ana:** WILL YOU DROP IT??

 

**Fareeha:** I will when you actually tell Sam you’re alive.

 

**Ana:** “Hey, Sam! So like it’s ‘death do us part’, right? You don’t mind I’m dating Reinhardt?”

**Ana:** See, Fareeha? You see how me coming to him is going to make it worse?

**Ana:** It’s better off for him to move on and never know the truth that I’m alive.

 

**Fareeha:** I don’t think you’ll have to worry about his reaction towards Reinhardt dating you.

 

**Ana:** ...Why?

 

**Fareeha:** :)

 

**Ana:** Fareeha...why??

 

**Fareeha:** :)))

 

**Ana:** Angela do you know something about this….??

 

**Angela:** :)) Of course not mother-in-law

 

**Ana:** I

**Ana:** I

**Ana:** ahk

**Ana:** Fuck you two.

 

**Fareeha:** Love you mom!

 

**Ana:** You’re testing that love…

 

**Jesse:** Cute family drama, but Jack!

**Jesse:** You still haven’t answered my truth!

 

**Jack:** I don’t know how to answer that, Jesse.

**Jack:** Yes, there are many things I wish I did differently and there are many things I wish I reacted differently towards.

**Jack:** I don’t think there’s a ‘worse thing’ that Overwatch has done.

 

**Reaper:** We all contributed to our choices and the fate of Overwatch. We have our regrets. We have our punishments. There’s no way to just decide what was worse.

 

**Ana:** I agree.

**Ana:** We’ve all made choices that we aren’t too proud of.

**Ana:** AND we regret some of those choices @Fareeha fucking ungrateful child Amari.

**Ana:** Nevertheless, we are here now. And we are here to make a change.

 

**Reaper:** Even if some of us are enemies.

 

**Jack:** We’ll work through it.

 

**Mei:** Hey. @Ana @Jack @Reaper

 

**Jack:** Hey?

 

**Reaper:** Hi?

 

**Ana:** Yes?

 

**Mei:** If I recall correctly, I was part of Watchpoint: Antarctica’s team. 

**Mei:** You know, the eco-Watchpoint that you claimed was “lost in the ice storm”

 

**Jack:** Okay, Mei. Let me just explain something first.

 

**Mei:** Nine years, Jack.

**Mei:** I was in cryostasis for nine years.

**Mei:** I TRUSTED that Overwatch would come to save my team.

**Mei:** But FUCK me, am I right? I’m just a naive climatologist who put too much faith in the people that I thought wanted a better world.

**Mei:** Nine years.

**Mei:** It felt like I slept for nine hours but, no, it was nine years.

**Mei:** No one thought, “Hey, that location was cut off. Why don’t we send a team down there to at least check it out because we are decent people at heart?”

**Mei:** But no.

**Mei:** Ana took a fucking ‘break’ after losing her eye to a ballerina hotshot and had an ego meltdown.

**Mei:** Jack took a ‘break’ and went off to be a Batman wannabe that was conflicted over his feelings for Gabe.

**Mei:** Gabe took a ‘break’ to actually embrace his inner Sasuke and started hanging out with hotshot ballerina and purple noodle leg to talk about his feelings for Jack.

**Mei:** After you all couldn’t fucking decide who was prettier, you all just bitched at each other.

**Mei:** MEANWHILE I was just in cryostasis for NINE years and when I woke up.

**Mei:** My friends were dead.

**Mei:** Like, actually dead.

**Mei:** Not ‘fake’ dead, unlike you fucking overdramatic drama queens.

**Mei:** Dead. Dead.

**Mei:** Ice cold dead.

**Mei:** Can’t relate, huh?

**Mei:** So instead of waiting around like a little bitch, I just grabbed my things and fucking walked out of Antarctica and knocked on Winston’s front door.

**Mei:** So what’s the worse thing that Overwatch has done?

**Mei:** Oh, I don’t know.

**Mei:** Just being horrible people in general.

**Mei:** Mei out.

**Mei:** *dabs*

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Reaper:** ...

 

**Ana:** …

  
**Emily:** You three are going to need a lot of ice because she just fucking roasted and cremated you guys. lmfao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so...how about that tea, huh? Delicious?
> 
> Overwatch is never going to play Truth or Dare again.


	44. The Dragon Is Back

**Genji:** ALRIGHT MY FELLOW OVERFUCKS!

**Genji:** I HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

 

**Angela:** WHY HASN’T THE EMERGENCY TEXT SYSTEM BEEN DISABLED YET FOR FUCK SAKE!!!

**Angela:** FOR FUCK SAKE WHY HASN’T ANYONE DISABLED IT YET?

**Angela:** WHY?

 

**Lena:** Because Winston knows it makes us suffer and it’s his only way to get back at us.

 

**Angela:** FUCK

 

**Jesse:** He barely even texts in this chat.

 

**Winston:** Doesn’t mean I’m not following along.

 

**Angela:** Just leave the chat and disable the emergency text system!

 

**Winston:** Shut up, you hypocrite pacifist.

 

**Angela:** I will PASS THIS FIST up your ass! Fight me.

 

**Winston:** I would WIN IN AN INSTANT, Angela!

 

**Angela:** Fuck you!

 

**Winston:** Fuck me yourself, you coward!

 

**Angela:** …

 

**Jesse:** Oh…

 

**Fareeha:** Bro, that’s my wife.

 

**Winston:** FUCK THIS CHAT! THIS CHAT IS RUINING ME!

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela:** This is all Genji’s fault.

 

**Jesse:** Agreed.

 

**Fareeha:** Ditto.

 

**Winston:** Yes, it is Genji’s fault.

 

**Genji:** Yeah, yeah, it’s my fault.

**Genji:** May I make my announcement?

 

**Brigitte:** That’s what we’re waiting for, you little fucking metal can opener.

**Brigitte:** What is your important announcement that you so graciously have woken us up for at 4 am in the morning?

**Brigitte:** Oh please tell us or else I will personally turn you into a mini shield for Bastion.

 

**Hana:** You guys know how grouchy she gets when she’s sleepy.

 

**Jesse:** Oh yeah, like when she roasted the fuck out of Widowmaker.

 

**Widowmaker:** Not that I really care.

 

**Brigitte:** Like when you shot your husband to death.

 

**Zenyatta:** YAS GIRL YAS!

**Zenyatta:** I mean, peace and love to all within the iris.

 

**Widowmaker:** Why don’t you be my next victim, you little annoying cat lady?

 

**Sombra:** Chill, spider. Brigitte will crush you.

 

**Widowmaker:** I’ve been through worse.

**Widowmaker:** @Moira

 

**Moira:** DROP IT!

**Moira:** IT’S 4 AM FOR FUCK SAKE!

**Moira:** GET OVER IT!

 

**Brigitte:** Yes, Moira, let Widowmaker drop the fact that all of her basic human rights were violated in the name of Talon and used to get back at Overwatch, then recaptured back into Talon to become the assassin she is.

**Brigitte:** Yeah, move on. Drop it. That’s great advice from you of all people.

 

**Widowmaker:** Yas, girl. Someone gets it.

 

**Brigitte:** I got you, girl.

 

**Moira:** KSADJHFLKSGHLKGHKJ

**Moira:** YOU TWO WERE JUST FIGHTING????

**Moira:** WHY DID THIS TURN AGAINST ME??

 

**Brigitte:** Because we didn’t do morbid, unethical brainwashing on innocent wives.

 

**Widowmaker:** Ditto.

 

**Angela:** YAS GIRL YAS!

 

**Moira:** FUCK YOU ALL!

 

**Brigitte:** Fuck us yourself, you coward.

**Brigitte:** Oh wait.

**Brigitte:** You already did fuck up some lives in this chat.

**Brigitte:** Nevermind.

 

**Moira:** GOOD NIGHT!

 

**Angela:** LMFAO

 

**Widowmaker:** What a sad woman.

 

**Emily:** Oof, Brigitte is just pouring scalding hot tea on Moira tonight.

 

**Brigitte:** I try.

 

**Emily:** So how is everyone?

 

**Angela:** Awkward.

 

**Moira:** Mad.

 

**Brigitte:** Sleepy.

 

**Genji:** Living for this drama.

 

**Emily:** Didn’t you say you have an announcement?

 

**Genji:** Yep.

 

**Jesse:** SO WHY HAVEN’T YOU SAID IT??

 

**Genji:** Bc the tea in this chat was really delicious and I didn’t want to ruin it.

 

**Brigitte:** I’ll ruin your wiring if you don’t tell us your stupid announcement, Zoro wannabe.

 

**Genji:** OKAY SHEESH

**Genji:** I have figured something out something.

**Genji:** I don’t think my inner dragon was in my sword. I think it was within me.

**Genji:** When the fucking rat stole my sword and turned into rings, it stole and broken the trust between me and my dragon and it decided to go make a new life with Angela and Fareeha by being reborn into two dragons for them.

**Genji:** Meaning, I must conquer a spiritual trial to regain its trust and have it come back to me.

**Genji:** So I am leaving to go on a journey and Angela and Fareeha must come with me.

**Genji:** I want to prove to my dragon that I am worthy of being its master again.

**Genji:** I am a Shimada and I will obtain what little honor I have to prove that I can control the dragon.

**Genji:** Angela, Fareeha, will you two help me become the man I once was?

 

**Angela:** lmfao nah, I’m good fam.

 

**Fareeha:** Good luck tho. Good night. :)

 

**Genji:** I STAYED UP TILL 4 TO MAKE THIS SPEECH!

 

**Jesse:** You wasted your time.

 

**Brigitte:** And our patience.

 

**Genji:** ANGELA, FAREEHA! YOU TWO WILL COME WITH ME!

 

**Angela:** No.

 

**Genji:** I WILL MAKE YOU TWO GIVE ME MY DRAGON BACK!

 

**Fareeha:** I love Pharah II tho.

 

**Genji:** Say goodbye to it.

 

**Fareeha:** No, fuck off.

 

**Hana:** Alright, everyone!

**Hana:** Make your bets!

**Hana:** :( for Genji with a win for his dragon back

**Hana:** :) for Angela and Fareeha will keep their dragons and we all get a great night sleep, meaning Genji moves on with his dragonless life.

**Hana:** Winners get an equal amount of the total cash from both sides.

 

**Angela:** :) for $10

 

**Fareeha:** :) for $10

 

**Jesse:** :) for $50

 

**Brigitte:** :) for $100

 

**Winston:** :) for $150

 

**Widowmaker:** :) for $1500

 

**Satya:** :) for $1500

 

**Hanzo:** :) for $5000

 

**Sombra:** Um...yeah I’m not putting more for than $5 so :)

 

**Hana:** Same tho hahaha

**Hana:** :) for $5

 

**Lena:** :) for $25

 

**Lúcio:** :) for $5k

 

**Hammond:** :) for $25k

 

**Winston:** Where the fuck did you get that kind of money???

 

**Hammond:** I’m the Junker Queen’s fav.

 

**Moira:** Bc fuck you all. :( for $10

 

**Genji:** Cheapskate…

 

**Moira:** I will go lower you ungrateful shit.

 

**Genji:** FINE

**Genji:** :( for .50 cents

 

**Moira:** And you gave me shit?

 

**Genji:** It’s literally all I have in my dragon bank.

 

**Moira:** Whatever, it’s just you and me kid.

 

**Genji:** Just like old times grandma

 

**Moira:** I will go lower…

 

**Genji:** Okie, sorry.

 

**Emily:** I’m going to just be that person and go :( for $.69 cents

 

**Lena:** LMFAO BABE

 

**Lúcio:** Traitor!

 

**Emily:** Worth it.

 

**Hana:** Is that all the bets?

 

**Angela:** Everyone somehow slept through the emergency text signal or don’t give a fuck so yeah.

 

**Hana:** Alrighty, so it’s $38,355 for :)

**Hana:** And $11.19 for :(

 

**Jesse:** I’m sorry but how do some of us are able to contribute an insane amount?

**Jesse:** And when I mean ‘some’, I just mean @Satya

 

**Satya:** Yes?

 

**Jesse:** How the fuck are you just giving out 1.5k?

 

**Satya:** None of your business.

 

**Sombra:** How curious…

 

**Satya:** Why do I even try?

**Satya:** Amélie spoils me with a spending account.

 

**Hana:** Sombra just gives me Widowmaker’s bank account info, you’re not special.

 

**Widowmaker:** I told you to stop hacking my account, Sombra!

 

**Sombra:** Lol, oops. Must have forgotten.

 

**Satya:** My goodness…

 

**Genji:** Well, since bets are confirmed!

**Genji:** @Angela @Fareeha, let's go on the coolest spiritual journey of your life.

 

**Angela:** Wait, now?

 

**Genji:** Now!

 

**Fareeha:** It’s 4 am in the morning….

 

**Genji:** Perfect time for spiritual stuff, come on.

 

**Angela** : How about no and the winners get a portion of the bet money?

 

**Genji:** Well, that’s unfair.

 

**Angela:** Deal with it.

 

**Genji:** I will reveal what you and Ashe did on your 21st birthday.

 

**Angela:** …

**Angela:** You saw that…

 

**Fareeha:** Bruh, what did you see?

 

**Angela:** Something no one needs to know ever again….

**Angela:** WE WERE BOTH DRUNK!

 

**Genji:** @Ashe 

 

**Ashe:** Howdy hoodie doo, ya’ll

**Ashe:** Why you all up at 4 am?

 

**Genji:** I know what you and Angela did on her 21st bday.

 

**Ashe:** Welp, I’m going to just skedaddle from the chat now.

**Ashe:** Go back to my booty sleep, thanks ya’ll! Nice talking to yah!

 

**Angela:** Ashe, help me…

 

**Ashe:** I’m not the one who wore the dog collar, girl. That was all you, I just played the rider...

 

**Angela:** ASHE!!

 

**Ashe:** Shit, I thought that was a private message.

 

**Fareeha:** Oh, I saw that too. I remember.

**Fareeha:** You two did know the door was open wide enough for anyone to see?

 

**Ashe:** …

**Ashe:** Did everyone at that party see that????

 

**Jesse:** Yeah.

 

**Angela:** Are you fucking kidding me??

 

**Fareeha:** No.

 

**Angela:** FAREEHA I AM LAYING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU WILL YOU TURN AROUND AND COMFORT ME??????

 

**Hana:** See what? :3

**Hana:** Do tell!

 

**Emily:** I want to know too…

 

**Lúcio:** Do tell. I’m curious.

 

**Brigitte:** Say it.

 

**Sombra:** I would love to know the story.

 

**Widowmaker:** I would pay any amount to know what happened between Ashe and Angela at that party.

 

**Genji:** I WOULD LOVE TO SAY IT!

 

**Angela:** OKAY WE WILL GO TO YOUR STUPID JOURNEY, YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!

 

**Genji:** Okay, nevermind. :)

 

**Hana:** WOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW

 

**Lena:** UNFAIR

 

**Lúcio:** Fucking rigged man!

 

**Jesse:** I would love to tell everyone too!

 

**Ashe:** Do it and I will reveal what WE accidentally did to Hanzo’s last bow.

 

**Hanzo:** Oh?

 

**Jesse:** Nevermind.

 

**Hana:** So we are stuck on the fact that Ashe rode Angela or something??

 

**Genji:** There’s a lot more to the story.

 

**Jesse:** Surprisingly, it’s not sex-related at all.

**Jesse:** Just two drunk girls doing weird crazy shit.

 

**Angela:** I SAID I WAS GOING ON THE STUPID JOURNEY NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP !!

 

**Genji:** LETS GOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

 

**Moira:** No.

 

XXX

 

**Hana:** Update.

**Hana:** Day 13

**Hana:** No one has heard of Genji, Fareeha, and Angela yet for over a week.

 

**Jack:** I really can not believe you guys made over a 30k bet and three of our agents have been missing for almost 2 weeks in a span of 20 mins.

 

**Brigitte:** *shrugs*

 

**Jesse:** I miss them.

**Jesse:** It’s boring without them.

 

**Lúcio:** I’m worried about Jesse. He just moped around this entire time, even when Ashe came over to visit.

 

**Ashe:** Angela is literally his only reason for his happiness.

 

**Hanzo:** How romantic…?

 

**Ashe:** Not really.

 

**Jesse:** I miss that bitchface.

 

**Ashe:** See?

 

**Satya:** It’s been so nice on the base without them.

 

**Lena:** It’s boring.

 

**Satya:** It’s quiet.

 

**Lúcio:** LAME

 

**Emily:** I just really want to know if I lost my .69 cents or not.

 

**Moira:** It’s just .69 cents…

 

**Emily:** It’s MY .69 cents, fuck off Shou Tucker.

 

**Moira:** We’re on the same side!

 

**Emily:** Doesn’t mean I can’t think any less of you.

 

**Moira:** FINE whatever.

 

**Mei:** Hey, they’re back.

 

**Jesse:** ANGELAAAAAAA!!!!!!

 

**Hanzo:** I’m offended

**Hanzo:** He rushed off like a desperate housewife.

 

**Hana:** ldakjshlhglkgjal

**Hana:** I wish I saw that!

 

**Ashe:** Don’t worry, Hanzo. He loves yah, it’s just that he needs to rebuild his ego by fighting with Angela.

 

**Hanzo:** I will never understand that but whatever. 

 

**Hammond:** So how are they?

 

 **Genji:** Ryūjin no ken wo kūrae, bitches!

**Genji:** GUESS WHO GOT THEIR DRAGON BACK!!!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Merde…

 

**Moira:** HOLY SHIT I GOT THE POWER OF ANIME AND GOD ON MY SIDE HOLY FUCK!!!!!!

 

**Emily:** Well shit…

 

**Brigitte:** Huh.

**Brigitte:** Well done, then.

 

XXX

 

**Hammond:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK @ANGELA @FAREEHA!!

 

**Angela:** DO NOT START WITH ME!

**Angela:** WE SPENT 13 DAYS STRAIGHT LISTENING TO GENJI SING FUCKING NARUTO SONGS IN THE MOUNTAINS!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Why did you even steal his sword in the first place…???

 

**Hammond:** TO MAKE YOU TWO FUCKING RINGS BC OF JESSE’S FUCKUP!!!

 

**Jesse:** I’m just glad the gang is back!

 

**Hammond:** I LOST 25K!!!!

 

**Genji:** SUCK MY CYBORG DICK YOU FUCKING RODENT!!!!!

 

**Hammond:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

**Emily:** So...how did he get his dragon back?

 

**Fareeha:** We gave the rings back to him and he had some fucking seance with them and got his dragon back.

 

**Hammond:** WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THE RINGS BACK!!!!! I LOST 25k!!!!

 

**Angela:** 13 DAYS YOU FUCKING RAT!

**Angela:** 13 DAYS OF HIM SINGING NARUTO SONGS!

**Angela:** ALONE IN THE FUCKING MOUNTAINS WITH BARELY ENOUGH FOOD AND WATER!

**Angela:** I HAD TO FUCKING LET HIM CUDDLE ME WITH HIS METAL BODY AND LET ME FREEZE AGAINST ICE COLD METAL BC FAREEHA’S BODY HEAT WASN’T ENOUGH!!!!!!!

**Angela:** 13 DAYS HAMMOND! 13 FUCKING DAYS OF PURE ICE HELL!

 

**Hammond:** AREN’T YOU SUPPOSE TO BE USED TO THE COLD, SWISS WOMAN!!!!!

 

**Angela:** YOU TRY SURVIVING IN FRIGID COLD TERRAIN WITH NOTHING BUT ONE LAYER OF CLOTHES AND A SMELLY BLANKET!

 

**Hammond:** WHY WOULD YOU WEAR ONE LAYER!?

 

**Angela:** I DON’T FUCKING KNOW HAMMOND! MAYBE I DIDN’T FUCKING KNOW HE WAS GOING TO RESTRAIN FAREEHA AND ME IN THE FUCKING ALPS!!! HE DIDNT FUCKING TELL US TO PACK, HE JUST TOLD US TO LEAVE AT 4 IN THE MORNING!

 

**Genji:** I thought it was a nice bonding experience. :)

 

**Angela:** I WILL TEAR YOU APART AND FUCKING MAKE YOU A NEW BODY OUT OF FUCKING ICE!!!!

 

**Fareeha:** I want to let you burn in the desert, Genji. :)

 

**Genji:** That’s scary, lol.

 

**Fareeha:** Not as scary when I thought I might actually lose my limbs to frostbite, you fucking piece of metal.

**Fareeha:** You may have won this time, Genji. You may have taken Pharah the II away from me.

**Fareeha:** But mark my words, I will get my revenge.

**Fareeha:** I will get you back for all the pain I suffered.

**Fareeha:** I will make you wish you never were born as a Shimada.

**Fareeha:** Mark my words, good night. :)

 

**Genji:** Welp, I guess I can die a second time.

**Genji:** But it’s worth it.

 

**Ashe:** Do you not remember the last time Fareeha got this angry at you?

 

**Genji:** Still worth it, I got my dragon back.

 

**Hammond:** I LOST 25K

 

**Widowmaker:** Why would you bet 25k in the first place?

 

**Hammond:** I DIDN’T THINK THAT PIECE OF METAL COULD ACTUALLY DO IT??!!!

 

**Emily:** Meanwhile, my .69 cents turned to $12,785 so that’s going to pay for a week of college. Thanks, Hammond. :)

 

**Hammond:** You’re in college?

 

**Emily:** Trying to get my Masters in Savagerology, something that you lack.

 

**Hammond:** Fuck you.

 

**Emily:** :)))))

 

**Moira:** THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!

 

**Genji:** YOU SAID IT SISTER

 

**Angela:** FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Hanzo:** Angela and Fareeha are still my sisters.

 

**Genji:** FUCK YOU I DON’T FUCKING CARE!

 

**Mei:** Wow, you two can’t survive 13 days in ice…

**Mei:** NINE years.

**Mei:** I spent NINE years in ice, pussy.

 

**Angela:** FUCK YOU, MEI!!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think, for once, Genji and Moira should win. :)


	45. I'M SORRY I BROKE ARCHIVE AND GOOGLE DOCS!

**Genji:** HELP FAREEHA IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

 

**Hana:** MY OWN FANS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!

**Hana:** FUCK YOUR LIFE, MY LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT!

 

**Yuna:** DID YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO PUSH SEUNG-HWA DOWN?????

 

**Hana:** THE WEAKEST LINK WILL END US ALL!!!

 

**Jae-Eun:** AMEN TO THAT BABY!!!

 

**Kyung-Soo:** WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?

 

**Hana:** WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO,BITCH?

 

**Yuna:** WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO HANA!!!!???

 

**Genji:** FAREEHA IS ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME!!!!

 

**Satya:** So Amélie is getting me a tiger cub and I’m going to pick it up now.

**Satya:** Anyone wants to come with me and meet it?

 

**Lena:** what...

 

**Brigitte:** Woah, woah. We’re going to have a tiger on base?

 

**Hana:** HEY IF ANYONE WOULD LOVE TO SAVE US, THAT WOULD BE GREAT!!!

 

**Genji:** I AM GOING TO DIE HELP!!!!

 

**Lúcio:** Since when you were into tigers??

 

**Satya:** Always. They’re my second favorite animal.

**Satya:** I’m just mesmerized by their strips.

 

**Brigitte:** Is this a real tiger…???

 

**Satya:** Yes.

**Satya:** A real tiger.

 

**Lúcio:** I….

**Lúcio:** A wild tiger….you’re adopting a wild tiger….

**Lúcio:** Like are you raising a cub for a while until it grows up and you give it to a sanctuary???

 

**Satya:** No, it’s a full-grown tiger.

 

**Brigitte:** I feel like Satya is playing a joke…

 

**Lena:** She’s pretty damn good at it.

 

**Widowmaker:** She’s not joking.

**Widowmaker:** I’m buying her a tiger.

 

**Hana:** HEY ANYONE????

**Hana:** HELLLO????

 

**Yuna:** THIS IS ALL SOMBRA’S FAULT!!!

 

**Hana:** BITCH IT WAS JAE-EUN THAT PRESSED THE BUTTON!!

 

**Jae-Eun:** DON’T PIN THIS ON ME!!!

**Jae-Eun:** I HAD NO IDEA HOW HER TECH WORKED

**Jae-Eun:** I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS PRESSING!

 

**Hana:** DON’T BLAME MY GIRL!!!! YOU GUYS WERE MESSING WITH HER STUFF

 

**Seung-Hwa:** THE FANGIRLS ARE TRYING TO RIP MY CLOTHES OFF HELP!!

 

**Yuna:** YOU’RE THE WEAKEST LINK!!!!

 

**Jack:** Wait, what?

**Jack:** What’s this about Satya adopting an adult tiger?

 

**Hana:** EXCUSE ME HELLO????

 

**Genji:** FAREEHA IS FUCKING TEARING MY LIMBS OFF HELPPPPP

**Genji:** khjwdgalkjhglhflkgjhlkdhgkdsjfhglhflkhgskjgh

 

**Ana:** I knew someone would want to adopt some wild animal but I really didn’t expect Satya to do it…

 

**Satya:** I promise Rajah won’t even hurt a fly.

 

**Brigitte:** You named the tiger after Disney Princess Jasmine’s tiger??

 

**Satya:** Yes, I love that movie.

**Satya:** Only for the tiger though.

**Satya:** So do you guys want to come or not?

 

**Lena:** If she’s being serious, I’m fucking down.

 

**Brigitte:** Me too. I need to see this for myself.

 

**Hana:** HELLOOOO YOUR GFS ARE KINDA IN TROUBLE.

 

**Brigitte:** Have fun, honey.

**Brigitte:** Anyways, how did you even find a tiger to adopt?

 

**Jack:** We’re NOT going to have a tiger on base.

 

**Ana:** Wait, what?

**Ana:** I was so down for it.

 

**Angela:** Baby, Genji escaped down to the side of the base.

 

**Fareeha:** Gotcha, babe. I see him.

 

**Genji:** NO YOU DON’T!!!!

 

**Jesse:** aksjdghlshfgdklghdsj

**Jesse:** I’m sorry?

**Jesse:** We’re going to have a tiger on base???

 

**Hanzo:** That’s your concern?

 

**Jesse:** A REAL TIGER??

 

**Sombra:** YO YO HANA WHERE ARE YOU??

 

**Hana:** HIDING WITH JAE-EUN!

 

**Sombra:** ALRIGHT I SEE YOUR LOCATION IM COMING TO YOU!

 

**Yuna:** NO DON’T THE LOCATIONS IS STILL ON!!!

 

**Sombra:** SHIT!!!

 

**Hana:** IM RUNNING!!

 

**Jae-Eun:** YOU LEFT ME BEHIND!!!!!!!!?????

 

**Seung-Hwa:** LKDSJGFDGLKGHKDHSKHDFJ

**Seung-Hwa:** HANA IS A FUCKING TRAITOR

 

**Kyung-Soo:** YOU TWO ARE JUST FUCKING WEAK!!

 

**Jack:** Satya, can you pause for just a moment?

 

**Satya:** Yes?

 

**Jack:** Are you being serious?

 

**Satya:** Yes.

 

**Jack:** You’re just going to bring an actual tiger on the base??

 

**Satya:** Was I not clear about that?

 

**Jesse:** kjsdlhasfh

**Jesse:** DUDE IM FUCKING EXCITED!!!!

 

**Genji:** IM FUCKING DYING IN FRONT OF YOU JESSE

**Genji:** HELP ME!!!!

 

**Angela:** Fareeha, Genji is in front of Jesse.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m jumping down.

 

**Genji:** JESSE IVE BEEN SCREAMING AT YOU FOR 5 MINUTES!!!!

 

**Jesse:** DUDE IM COMING TO SEE THE TIGER!!!

 

**Satya:** Okay.

 

**Junkrat:** OI OI A TIGER????

 

**Satya:** Yes, Jamison.

**Satya:** I’m adopting a tiger.

 

**Junkrat:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOY!!

**Junkrat:** CAN I COME?

 

**Satya:** No. I don’t trust you anywhere near my precious Rajah.

 

**Roadhog:** Wise choice.

**Roadhog:** Can I come, though?

 

**Satya:** Yes, you can. :)

 

**Jack:** HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE!

**Jack:** We’re not going to just have a tiger on base.

**Jack:** A wild cat, of all things!

 

**Brigitte:** CAT???

**Brigitte:** I think yes!

 

**Widowmaker:** I already paid for it so you can’t just make me ask for a refund.

**Widowmaker:** Think of poor Rajah.

 

**Jack:** How did you even find this tiger?

 

**Satya:** Online.

 

**Jack:** djfshlkhgkhgk

**Jack:** Did you even meet this tiger or even the person selling it??

 

**Satya:** No.

 

**Jack:** ndslhlkhgkl

 

**Ana:** Are we sure this is Satya texting???

 

**Hana:** HEY EVERYONE YOUR PRECIOUS MEKA PILOT IS IN DANGER WANT TO FUCKING HELPPPPPPPP??????????????????????

 

**Genji:** I AM TYOPFUNG THID WID ONE ARM AS FREEJA TRI 2 DRAG ME AWAY HALP HALP

 

**Hana:** FUCK YOU MY LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT!

 

**Sombra:** YEAH SHIMADA REJECT!!

 

**Yuna:** THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM SNEAKING OUT WITH YOU FUCKTARDS!!!!!!

**Yuna:** WE CAN’T EVEN GO OUT TO THE AMUSEMENT PARKS WITHOUT BEING FUCKING EXPOSED!!!

 

**Kyung-Soo:** I WONDER WHOSE FAULT THAT IS???!?!?!?

 

**Jae-Eun:** @ME NEXT TIME BITCH!!!!

 

**Seung-Hwa:** WE HAD BEAUTIFUL DISGUISES AND EVERYTHING!!!

**Seung-Hwa:** BUT NOW IM NAKED AND AFRAID

 

**Hana:** Ew, why you naked?

 

**Seung-Hwa:** WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK HANA?????????????

**Seung-Hwa:** YOU FUCKING LEFT ME BEHIND TO BE TAKEN BY THE CRAZY FANS!!

 

**Hana:** Lol

 

**Jesse:** WAIT

**Jesse:** We are still going to get this tiger, right?

 

**Satya:** I’m already in the orca.

 

**Brigitte:** Come on, Jesse.

 

**Lena:** Slowpoke.

 

**Jesse:** I’m coming!

 

**Jack:** Wait, Satya. Can we talk about this tiger thing??

 

**Satya:** We just did.

**Satya:** I told you that I am buying a tiger from a seller online and I am meeting it for the first time.

 

**Widowmaker:** What do you not get, Jack?

 

**Jack:** We can’t just have a wild animal running around on base….

 

**Satya:** You let Junkrat run around so it won’t be any different with a tiger.

 

**Junkrat:** YEAH THAT’S RIGHT!

**Junkrat:** Wait a minute…

 

**Jack:** Junkrat isn’t a wild fucking tiger.

 

**Satya:** Ok, think of it like this.

**Satya:** It’s a very early/ or very late Chinese New Year gift in honor of the Year of the Tiger.

 

**Jack:** It’s the Year of the Pig…

 

**Satya:** Did you not read my text?

**Satya:** I said, “Very early/ or very late” Chinese New Year gift.

 

**Mei:** Aw, that’s sweet.

**Mei:** Thank you.

 

**Satya:** Of course. :)

 

**Jack:** Is there nothing I can do to make you change your mind?

 

**Satya:** No.

 

**Jack:** We have @Hammond

**Jack:** The tiger will eat him.

 

**Hammond:** I survived the craziest and insane animals in Junker Town, a tiger is honestly just a kitty to me.

 

**Satya:** And Rajah will be like a kitty to me. Just how Brigitte’s cats are to her.

 

**Brigitte:** I’m down for it.

  
**Hana:** 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PHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELP

**Genji:** Shit, Hana. You good?

**Hana:**  No.

 

XXX

 

**Satya:**  We are back. I have brought Rajah and I love him.

 

**Jack:** Great…

 

**Angela:** Genji will be out of commission for a few months. :)

 

**Hana:** I’m almost back on base…

 

**Brigitte:** Where have you been?

  
**Hana:** ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...press F to pay respect to the fact that I broke my google docs and archive for this chapter. Also Panquem72 had the idea of Hana's location being revealed and having crazy fans chase them so I was inspired. Bye, gotta apologize to google docs.
> 
> Long story short: The "HELP" were originally like 50+pages and Google docs couldn't handle it so it froze. After much effort, I was able to copy and paste the chapter to Archive but then I broke them too. So I edited down to where Archive didn't freeze up. 
> 
> (Did you see some hidden messages in the "HELP" section?)


	46. The Confession

**Hana:** Hey, since when did we have a tiger on base?

 

**Jesse:** Were you not following along in the chat yesterday?

 

**Hana:** NO JESSE BECAUSE MY MEKA TEAM, SOMBRA, AND I WERE BEING CHASED BY CRAZY FANS AFTER WE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY INCOGNITO BUT A FUCKING DUMBASS MESSED AROUND WITH SOMBRA’S STUFF AND REVEALED OUR LOCATIONS TO ALL OF OUR FANS!!!

 

**Jae-Eun:** @ME NEXT TIME

 

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

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**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

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**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

**Hana:** @Jae-Eun

 

**_[Hana Song has been banned from group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0” for 24 hours for spamming]_ **

 

**Jesse:** OMG LMFAO!!!

 

**Angela:** I just heard her screaming.

 

**Jae-Eun:** Serves her right…

 

**Sombra:** If I wasn’t in a full body cast, I will fucking fight you.

 

**Jae-Eun:** How are you texting?

 

**Sombra:** My fingers can still move, asshole.

 

**Brigitte:** So like...are you even alive?

 

**Sombra:** Barely.

 

**Widowmaker:** I love the peace and quiet.

 

**Sombra:** Fuck you.

 

**Satya:** That’s rude.

 

**Sombra:** Do I really care?

 

**Satya:** I have a full grown tiger in my possession, fight me.

 

**Jack:** SO WE’RE REALLY GOING TO ACCEPT THAT SATYA HAS A TIGER NOW?????

 

**Fareeha:** I DON’T ACCEPT!

 

**Jack:** THANK YOU!

 

**Fareeha:** She can have a tiger on base but I can’t have a gyrfalcon or the bald eagle on base??

 

**Jack:** THOSE ARE WILD BIRDS OF PREY!!!

 

**Fareeha:** THE TIGER IS A PREDATOR SO WHY CAN’T I HAVE MY BIRDS???

 

**Hanzo:** Why can’t I adopt a wolf as a pet?

 

**Jack:** Oh my god…

 

**Genji:** Yeah don’t. Don’t give in to my brother’s furry fetish.

 

**Hanzo:** Just because I like wolves doesn’t mean I’m a furry...

 

**Angela:** You’re alive?

 

**Genji:** Barely.

 

**Fareeha:** How are you texting? 

 

**Genji:** With my dick

 

**Angela:** Well that’s funny bc I failed at recreating your dick

 

**Genji:** IT WAS A JOKE OKAY!

 

**Angela:** How are you texting?

**Angela:** Fareeha tore off your arms!

 

**Genji:** It’s a secret.

 

**Satya:** Zenyatta is texting for him.

 

**Zenyatta:** What a fucking snitch you are…

**Zenyatta:** I mean, love and peace ya’ll!

 

**Lúcio:** Are we really just ignoring how Zenyatta keeps clocking some of us?

 

**Lena:** Are we going to ignore that Rajah is literally the most adorable and precious tiger ever?

 

**Angela:** Are we really going to accept that we have a wild tiger on base?

 

**Satya:** His name is Rajah.

**Satya:** Please call him by his name.

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m so happy you love him.

 

**Satya:** I’m beyond blessed to even have him. He’s our child and he’s perfect. Thank you~

 

**Moira:** It’s a tiger…

 

**Satya:** And you’re a 50-year-old virgin that still can’t get over your first love, what’s your point?

 

**Angela:** You’re capable of loving?

 

**Moira:** YES I AM

**Moira:** Fuck you, Satya.

 

**Widowmaker:** No, that’s my job. Fuck off.

 

**Moira:** Yeah, I’ve noticed!

**Moira:** You’re always running off on missions.

 

**Doomfist:** Says the woman that stays up all night watching anime and missed the mission bc she’s dead asleep.

 

**Reaper:** And waste money on those figurines

 

**Sombra:** And always leave her weird hentai manga all over the base.

 

**Moira:** WHY AM I ALWAYS BEING ATTACKED?????

 

**Angela:** Because you performed human experiments.

 

**Widowmaker:** True.

 

**Moira:** THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT HAS DONE WORSE THAN ME!

**Moira:** AT LEAST I DON’T FAKE MY DEATH!

 

**Angela:** But you have just destroyed and broken every rule of human basic rights.

**Angela:** That’s worse than faking your death.

 

**Moira:** It’s for science.

 

**Angela:** You’re just a horrible person.

 

**Moira:** God, I miss when you didn’t hate me so much…

 

**Jesse:** She still didn’t like you when we were young.

 

**Genji:** Ditto.

 

**Fareeha:** LMFAO

 

**Moira:** Yeah bc Genji was a horrible wingman.

 

**Angela:** Why would he be a wingman?

**Angela:** You are you winging for? 

**Angela:** Ashe?

 

**Ashe:** Ew

**Ashe:** I would rather kiss with Genji.

 

**Genji:** Really?

 

**Ashe:** I wouldn’t like it but it’s better than having Moira near me.

 

**Genji:** At least I would get more than Moira.

 

**Moira:** You guys are really fucking mean.

 

**Widowmaker:** You know what’s mean?

**Widowmaker:** Having my basic human rights violated.

 

**Moira:** OMG DROP IT!!!

 

**Satya:** She was forced to kill her husband. How do you ‘drop it’?

 

**Moira:** Just do what Gérard did, drop dead.

 

**Widowmaker:** KDJFHGLDHFLKGJSDKLHFGHSDLKHGLKDJFHGKLJSKDJFHGKJSDHGKLDHFGKJSHDKFGHKSDHREUGSHKLDJHFKGSJ

 

**Reaper:** THAT NAME IS STILL A FUCKING TRIGGER WORD FOR WIDOWMAKER!!!!!

 

**Sombra:** FUCK YOU MOIRA! I CAN’T COVER MY EARS BC IM IN THIS FUCKING BODY CAST!!!

 

**Doomfist:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS, MOIRA???

 

**Moira:** BC FUCK ALL OF YOU!

**Moira:** FUCK THE FACT THAT YOU GUYS THOUGHT I LIKED FAREEHA AND ROADHOG!!

**Moira:** FUCK GENJI FOR BEING A HORRIBLE WINGMAN!

**Moira:** FUCK ALL OF YOU THAT GAVE ME SHIT EVER SINCE I JOINED THIS STUPID FUCKING CHAT!

**Moira:** THE PERSON THAT I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED WAS ANGELA ZIEGLER

**Moira:** I HAD A FUCKING CRUSH ON ANGELA ‘MERCY’ ZIEGLER FOR AS LONG AS I REMEMBER!

**Moira:** AND EVEN WHEN SHE HATES ME SO MUCH I STILL VERY MUCH LOVE HER.

**Moira:** THERE I SAID IT! FUCKING FINALLY!!!

 

**Fareeha:** ...

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Genji:** ...oh this is starting to make sense now…

 

**Ashe:** Huh...so that’s why you got mad at me…

 

**Ana:** This is mindblowing…

 

**Lena:** ...this was unexpected…

 

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Hanzo:** This explains a lot…

 

**Reaper:** …

 

**Doomfist:** Congrats??

 

**Widowmaker:** I SHOT MY FUCKING HUSBAND OH GOD WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Satya:** Amélie, it’s okay! You’re okay!

 

**Brigitte:** …

 

**Jack:** ....You had a crush on Angela?

 

**Sombra:** CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET WIDOWMAKER TO STOP SCREECHING???

 

**Emily:** Damn, a lot of tea was just spilled…

**Emily:** Delicious.

 

**Moira:** ...

**Moira:** ….

**Moira:** Well @Angela??

 

**Fareeha:** Well what?

 

**Moira:** What’s her reaction?

 

**Fareeha:** Well, she can’t react when she doesn’t have her phone.

 

**Moira:** What do you mean….??

 

**Fareeha:** Rajah just ate Angela’s phone a few minutes ago. So she didn’t see your confession.

 

**Moira:** Are you actually fucking kidding me???

 

**Fareeha:*texts photo***

**Fareeha:** Here’s what’s left of it.

 

**Moira:** WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME??!?!?!?

 

**Jesse:** Man, it sucks being you.

 

**Ashe:** Maybe she’ll see it when she is added back into the chat.

 

**Sombra:** No, if you log out of a chat and log back in, you lose all previous messages.

 

**Genji:** Well, that sucks.

 

**Fareeha:** And we’re not going to tell her what you said, so hahaha. 

**Fareeha:** Right??

 

**Genji:** Yep.

 

**Jesse:** My lips are sealed.

 

**Ashe:** I won’t even peep it.

 

**Hanzo:** Sure.

 

**Lena:** Gotcha!

 

**Lúcio:** Never even heard it!

 

**Sombra:** Even I won’t say it.

 

**Ana:** Ditto

 

**Emily:** I’ll stay silent. This tea is so good.

 

**Reaper:** Oh well, Moira. Better luck next time.

 

**Doomfist:** HEY CAN ANYONE HELP WITH WIDOWMAKER???

 

**Fareeha:** And stay away from my wife, Moira.

 

**Moira:** Yes ma’am….

 

**Reinhardt:** WHEN DID WE GET A TIGER ON BASE?

  
**Brigitte:** Yesterday, keep up old man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...sorry Moira. I guess fate just likes to fuck with yah. :)))))


	47. 20XX: Lena's Accident

**_In group chat “Overwatch Message Board”_ **

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Hey, any of you guys know where Lena Oxton is? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Who? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ A young pilot that I just had recruited to test out the Slipstream. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Slipstream it into my ass. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Can you NOT Jesse? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’m sorry but it’s funny! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s really not. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad and mad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m aware. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’ll be okay, buddy. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Was that the girl that keeps jumping all over the couches? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ How old is she? Ten? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ She’s around your age. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Give or take… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ You don’t know how old she is? _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Did you fucking hire a fucking baby then? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Look, all I saw was that she is considered one of the best pilots of her field and we really need someone that knows what they are doing when they pilot the Slipstream. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Let me slipstream into yo bussay _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Shut the fuck up. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ God, you’re getting worse by the day, Jesse… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Tell me about it… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Not as bad when my family’s elders had me killed. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yeah, that sucks. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I still cry about that happening to you. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You’re healing, Genji and that’s all we could ask for. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ It’ll be okay, kid. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Thanks. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ But seriously, where’s Lena? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ *shrugs* _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Jack, really? _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ You don’t know her age and you don’t even know where she is?? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ She looks like a lesbian, I know that. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ How does one look like a lesbian? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ I don’t know. That’s literally all I got when I saw her picture. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ ksdjslkjdafhgklhdlfks _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ WHY ARE YOU IN CHARGE???? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Jack, you can’t assume someone’s sexual identity. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Don’t mock my gaydar. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ She’s a lesbian. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Or at the very least, not straight. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Oh my god… _

 

**_Jack: *texts photo*_ **

**_Jack:_ ** _ I mean, come on. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Yeah, she’s not straight. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Okay, I see it. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ I don’t. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I don’t care, we need to find her and send her to the Slipstream to test it out. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Slipstream my way into yo DMs _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ SHUT THE FUCK UP JESSE!!!! _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Hiyah, everyone! Lookin for me?? _

**_Lena:_ ** _ I’m here and I’m queer! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ I TOLD YOU! MY GAYDAR IS NEVER WRONG! _

 

**_Ana:_** _Yeah, yeah, Jack, shut up._

**_Ana:_ ** _ Where are you? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ I don’t know. *shrugs* _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ What do you mean you don’t know?? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ I don’t know where I am. _

**_Lena:_ ** _ It’s all dark. _

**_Lena:_ ** _ And I think I’m moving? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Did you fall asleep in a back of a truck or something? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ That explains why a bunch of cargo just fell on top of me. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh boy… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad and mad. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Lena, would you know WHICH truck you fell asleep in? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ The one that’s moving. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Fuck _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I’ll start calling all the transports. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I like this girl already. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Aw thanks! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Aw, don’t be sad! Be glad! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ wtf _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Guys, Genji is smiling… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ HOLY SHIT HE IS! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ See, I have great taste in picking the right people for Overwatch. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Shut the fuck up, Morrison. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Homophobe. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I’m not a homophobe, I’m just done with your fucking shit. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Rude homophobe. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Girls, you look pretty now sftu and go find Lena. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ I’ll be waiting! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Only Overwatch would lose a fresh recruit within record time. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ No, it’s Jack’s fault. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Well, sorry Gabe. I’m busy with ten thousand other things on my ass. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Ana barely does her job right. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ BITCH YOU KNOW I GOT AN UNGRATEFUL 12 YEAR OLD UP MY ASS AND SAYING I DON’T LOVE HER! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I GOT ENOUGH CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OFF, SO FUCK OFF AND DO YOUR JOB JACK! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ You did forget to pick her up from school. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Like...8 times so far. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I would know bc Jesse and I would pick her up. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I think Fareeha is happier when we pick her up. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You two don’t have drivers licenses… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Not legal ones… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ …. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Huh...I was wondering why my car had more dents on it than usual… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ YOU JUST REALIZED THESE TWO HIGHJACKED YOUR CAR??? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ WHY IS HE IN CHARGE!!!???? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Because I don’t accidentally blow up an entire fleet of orcas. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ THAT WAS ONE TIME! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ And it cost millions of dollars. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ WHAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT? RETRIEVING IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS OR LETTING IT ALL BURN????? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Did you really have to blow up an entire fleet? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ MAYBE IF YOU DID YOUR FUCKING JOB, I WOULDN’T HAVE TO!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ BITCH I WAS TRYING TO MAKE SURE JACK’S LAZY ASS DIDN’T FUCKING DIE OKAY FUCK OFF! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ MAYBE YOU NEED TO STOP FLANKING LIKE SOME EDGY MACGYVER! _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Hello, I’m still stuck in the chunk. _

**_Lena:_ ** _ I mean trunk _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Chunk in the front, Chunk in the back _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ SHUT THE FUCK UP JESSE!!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Niew :3 _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Maybe if you spent less time yelling, you would have more time actually doing your job. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM SOMEONE THAT FORGOT TO TAKE DOWN A FUCKING TURRET WHEN THAT’S LITERALLY YOUR ONLY JOB ON THE MISSION. _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ YOU HAD ONE JOB AND THAT WAS TAKING OUT TURRETS! _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ BUT NO YOU JUST RAN INTO THE BUILDING, LEAVING THE REST OF US TO DO THE ONE FUCKING JOB YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO DO! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ We both know it’s because I’m faster than you. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ THAT REALLY DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER!!! _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ What does matter is that I’m still stuck in dah trunk of the truck. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Be prepared to stay there a little longer bc Jack and Gabe are having their usual fights. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Give or take a couple of hours. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ DON’T YELL AT JACK, GABE! YOUR JOB WAS TO FUCKING TAKE OUT THE GUARDS BUT NOOOOO YOU DECIDE TO HAVE A FUCKING TESTOSTERONE CONTEST WITH JACK ON THE COMMUNICATOR AND ALERT THE ENTIRE FUCKING ENEMY TEAM WHERE THE FUCK WE WERE!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Add like a couple of more hours… _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ I WILL ADD THAT NONE OF YOU WANTED TO GET BEHIND MY SHIELD AND YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS FINE TO JUST LEAVE ME BEHIND AS I FUCKING HAD TO DEAL WITH 16 MEN UP MY ASS! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Okay, you might be in there for the rest of the day. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Aw, fiddlesticks. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ 16 men, Rein? You sloppy joe. ;) _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ SHUT THE FUCK UP JESSE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WANT YOU TO SHUT UP!!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ STOP YELLING!! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ WHY ARE WE YELLING??? _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ I DON’T KNOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ My goodness...calm down… _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ So I finally got out of the truck. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh good, how was your trip? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ A bit rocky but I’m glad I got out. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Oh shit, I forgot you were still stuck in the trunk. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’s been 3 days… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Oh fuck _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Shit, I am so sorry Lena. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ It’s fine! I somehow was able to find some food in one of the cargo. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ … _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Shit… _

**_Gabe:_ ** _ You’re alive? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I legit forgot you were still in the trunk. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Don’t worry, luvs! It happens! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ No… _

**_Moira:_ ** _ No, it doesn’t…. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m still sad. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Turn that frown, upside down! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Holy shit Genji smiled again… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ How?? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ It’s hard not to smile around me! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Changing the topic, Lena where are you? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ I have no fucking clue. :) _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Great… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Okay, real question. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ How were you able to survive 3 days in the trunk without a bathroom? _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Do I need to answer that question? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No, you don’t. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Please don’t. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Lena, can you just call us and we will pinpoint your location? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ OH WOW WE SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT IN THE BEGINNING BUT NOOOO JACK HAD TO GET SASSY ON ME!! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ WE BOTH KNOW DAMN WELL YOU NEEDED TO ESTABLISH YOUR FUCKING EGO AND YELL AT EVERYONE SO DON’T THINK IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT WE FORGOT LENA WAS IN THE TRUNK! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ YOU’RE JUST A HORRIBLE STRIKE COMMANDER!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ AND YOU’RE SUCH A HORRIBLE AGENT AND THAT’S WHY YOUR LOUD ASS WAS NEVER CONSIDERED FOR STRIKE COMMANDER! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ YOU FUCKING STAY OUT OF THIS! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ WE BOTH KNOW I CAN’T BC YOU TWO FUCKING NEED ME TO MOTHER YOUR FUCKING EGOS!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ How ironic… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ DO NOT LECTURE ME ABOUT MOTHERING MY OWN CHILD! I AM A GREAT MOTHER! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Well...guess what we’re doing? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ FUCK! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ SHE GETS OUT OF SCHOOL ALREADY?? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Actually, two hours ago…. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ FUCK _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ GO WORRY ABOUT YOUR KID AND STAY OUT OF OUR ARGUMENT! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ DON’T TELL HER WHAT TO DO!!!! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT SHE HAS SAVED YOUR DUMBASS AND IF IT WEREN’T FOR HER, YOU WOULD BE DEAD!!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I PREFER DEATH THAN FUCKING ARGUING WITH YOU!! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Interesting...I just got an idea. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ No one cares. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Just trying to be a contributing member of this team. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Are they going to forget about me again? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Yeah, so call us and Jesse and I will pick you up. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ And you’ll meet Fareeha too. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Nice. :) _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m still sad. _

 

**_Lena:_ ** _ Aw, I just want to give you a cake that has rainbows and shower you with sunlight and butterflies. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ :)))) _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Seriously, how do you do that?? _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ @JACK @GABE WHAT THE FLYING FUCK DID YOU FUCKING DO????!!!!! _

 

**_Jack: …_ **

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU FUCKING DID????? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ No… _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I….I really am sorry… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ TELL THAT TO LENA! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ OH WAIT! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ SHE’S FUCKING GONE!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m sorry what? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ ….what? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ YOU TWO ARE SO FUCKING HORNY FOR EACH OTHER OR WHAT??????? _

**_Ana:_ ** _ HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THE SLIPSTREAM??? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Look...do you have proof that we did something… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ OH JUST THE FUCKING CAMERAS SHOWING THAT YOU AND GABE BREAKING THE STEERING WHEEL AND TRYING TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER BUT FUCKING FAILING _

**_Ana:_ ** _ AND THEN MESSING WITH THE BUTTONS FOR SOME FUCKING WEIRD REASON!!!! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ ALL FOR IT TO MALFUNCTION BY THE TIME LENA TESTED IT!!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Why didn’t you see the footage before the test? :) _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ BC NO ONE THOUGHT TWO OF OUR ‘BEST’ AGENTS OF OVERWATCH WOULD FUCK AROUND AND MESS UP THE TEST!!!!!! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ AND NOT ONLY THAT!!! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ YOU TWO PRACTICALLY ERASED A YOUNG GIRL FROM EXISTENCE AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO GET HER BACK! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ This is...serious. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Did...did you two practically kill Lena?? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS????? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Can you explain the coffee that was spilled all over the control panel in the aviation communication room? _

**_Genji:_ ** _ The coffee that came from a cup that says ‘Okayest Mother’ with Fareeha’s name signed on it. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ … _

**_Ana:_ ** _ This isn’t about me, it’s about Jack and Gabe… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ So who do I call for protective custody over Fareeha Amari? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ She has Sam. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ OH YOU GIVE US SHIT BUT YOU PROBABLY FUCKED SOMETHING UP IN THAT ROOM!!!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ THIS IS AS MUCH AS YOUR FAULT AS OUR’S!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ DON’T DRAG ME INTO THIS, YOU TWO WERE IN THE SLIPSTREAM HAVING SOME KIND OF FUCKING DICK MEASURING CONTEST!!! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ WELL IT APPEARS THAT YOUR COFFEE MAY HAVE ADDED TO THE MISHAP!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ DON’T FUCKING PUT THIS ON ME, IT IS AS MUCH AS YOUR FAULT AS MINE!!! _

 

**_L̷̡͔͓̻͎̓̒̕ȅ̵̟̌ņ̵̛̲̲͓̠͛͐̂͋͝à̷̟͆͆̚̕:̶͉̤̮̦͂̈́̑̚_ ** _ ̷̡͉̩̜̞̏Ḧ̷̝̝̦͓̤́̈́̆E̴͉͉̪̰̝͖̎̑̃L̵̰̼̜͂̋͘͜͜L̴͔̫̰̒̈́͛̚ͅO̷͇̭̼̠͐̆̇̐?̴̻̰̝̤̦̅̆̚!̵̧̤̭̠̹͂̆͆?̷̨͔̭̻̻̾̆͆!̵̡̱̫͙͐̽̃̒͛͜ͅ?̴̟̠̠̋̿̅͗̚͝ _

_ ̷̼͇͔ _ **_̷̧̡̛̳͇͓̓̅͒L̵̦̈́e̸̥̰̬̖͉̽̋̓͠n̷͔̝̏̈́̏͛̚a̶̠̿:̶̮͐͊͂̂_ ** _ ̷̢͌̆͒́C̷̛̰͖̫̗̼̽͆̋͛͜Á̷̬̋͆̈́N̵̡̡̯̖̏̂̈́ ̵̪̻̝̓̓Ą̶̘̲͛N̶̩͙̞͐Y̵͓̥͇͚̣̩̏Ó̴̧͇̥̳̞N̵̼̺͍̖͖̟͆̍Ĕ̶͕͚̭̦̑͑͛͛͑ ̵̨̪̣̳̺̦͋H̵͈̘̮̺̻̒̇͜͠E̵͔̹̟̰͊͑͘À̸̼̱̘̑͐̚̕Ṛ̸̹͖͊̊͗͛͜ ̴̤̬͉͕̻̈́̏̉͜M̶̨̽͒̉E̵̛̹̱͍̻̭̋͐    _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Holy shit. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh fuck… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Gabe has removed Lena Oxton from group chat “Overwatch Message Board”_ **

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Fixed it. Blocked and everything. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ YOU DIDN’T FIX ANYTHING!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ WE CAN’T FUCKING JUST UNADD HER!!!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ DO YOU TWO HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEAS!!!!????????????? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ WELL WE HAVE TO THINK OF SOMETHING!!!!!!! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ DHGSDHFGSKDHFGKLJSHFGJHSKFJGKSJDFH FUUUUUUCK!!!! _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ WHAT IS GOING ON!?? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ NOTHING IT IS ALL UNDER CONTROL!!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Is it? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ And you guys say we’re crazy… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m still sad. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’m sorry, Lena isn’t here to help. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Rip Lena. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ There, we will say it was an accident and say she’s dead. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Good enough. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Alright, glad we agree. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Good job team! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I knew I could count on you two! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Jack, Gabe, no matter how much you two fuck up, you always seem to fix it out. _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Couldn’t have done it without you too. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ I’m so glad you two are always there to help me. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Of course! We are all in this together! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Best friends forever! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ … _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Oh? I guess if they can get away with it, so can I. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ With what?? _

  
**_Moira:_ ** _ Nothing...just talking to myself. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the truth. Don't @ me. It's the truth.


	48. Fonts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: You may or might get a headache when reading this. I got all my fonts from https://lingojam.com/
> 
> The binary texts are real and I believe they can be translated. Have fun!

**Ana:** Hey, do anyone knows where Lena is?

 

 **Angela:** I got the scariest deja vu just now…

 

 **Jesse:** Why does this feel so familiar?

 

 **Moira:** You guys don’t remember Lena’s accident?

 

 **Jack:** We don’t talk about that…

 

 **Reaper:** We really don’t talk about that.

 

 **L̷̬͎͇̟̈̃͆̕͠ë̷̡̹̙̙̯̞́̂̑̎ņ̶͚̩̟̥͙̾͆̕a̷͇̫̜͐̎̓:̶̛̫͖͖ ̷̡͇̪͙̙̖̽͊** T̵̢̛͇͉̻͉̟̉̌a̶͇̹͎̻̗͍̋̀l̴̤̳̪̯͔̉k̶̛͕̾͂́̚͝ ̸̧̣̣͊̀͑͛̕͜a̴̜̮͊͛b̸̡͔̜͌͑o̶̹̫̱͛̀u̸̯̮̗̎̍̈͑t̷̤̙̰͖̗͐ ̷͖̍w̶̳̜͔͈̰̌͒̋̈́̏͝ͅh̵̩͋́͊̀͜â̷̛̪͓̩̌͐͊̕t̶̢̘̙̞̖͆̓͒ͅ?̷̺̭̼̯̮̎̓͒͌

 

 **Jack:** Oh no.

 

 **L̷͙̎̋̅͜͝e̶̛͓̓̽̕ņ̶̱̐a̵͓͕͍̳̾͗͝** :̴̙̖͙̗̙́͌̈͠ ̵̪͉̠͇̖͛̅̕͜͠?̸͉͇̬̼̅͂̓̊̀

 

 **Reaper:** Can I remove her from chat and block her?

 

 **Ana:** We’re not making the same mistakes twice…

 

 **Reaper:**...

 **Reaper:** Please?

 

 **Emily:** Babe, are you in between dimensions again?

 

 **Ľ̵̹̘͍̟ę̵̘͎͙͑̋͆͊̓̌n̷̮̑a̷͖͑̿͑:̸̢̡̭̥̓̾͐** ̶̱͔̍̚Y̵̧̫͓͂e̷̠̮͌a̷̲̥̓h̶͕̭͑̀̈͜,̴̡̨̛̥͚̘̿̔̂ ̷̧͔̓h̶̲̭͎͈̎̒a̶͎̥̽̏̇͒̊h̶̝̼̏a̵̹͖͙̺͒ḩ̵̧̯̱̟̽̓̽̈́̓͝a̴͕͍͕̦͈̅̎

 

 **Angela:** Are you doing it intentially?

 

 **L̷̡̛͎̬̦̒̈́̋͝e̸̙̞͙̥͎͙̎͐̃̅n̴̬̫̒̒̓͜å̴͕͖̬͉̾͛͐** :̷̤̱̣͓̒̿ ̷̤͉̀̀͑O̴͎̝͛͐̓f̸̡̢̟͕̥̈́͊ ̴̨͋̓̏͜c̵̜̝̞̬͕̍͂̾o̴̙̅̾̕u̸͖̰͐r̸̤͓̼̻̜͛s̷͈̤͕̲̬͈̕e̸̟̖̣̪̞̳̿ ̴̬͈̣͍̒̓̿̉͗ͅḬ̵͖̥͙͊̇͝͝ ̸̨̜͎̪̫͙́͑ḁ̸̻͑̈́̿̕͝m̸̧͖͆̏̊̍̽͌!̷̱̥̜͇̳͂̃̕̕͘ ̶̢̨̡̞̠͖̈́̔Ị̵̘͇̜͉̊͜͝ ̵̭͆̓̉̃̚h̶̛̹̮̹̒a̶͉̱̥̘̝̽ͅv̴̪͚͕̊͗e̴͓̠͈̋̓̚ͅ ̵͕͋͌̐̏ḁ̶̹̃̋́̏̍l̴̝̓̊l̵͓̲̺̲̘̜̈́ ̷̩͖̰͉̿̔̉t̷͙̭͙̦͆͑̏͋h̴̥͈̮͔̎i̵̧̛͆̌̐s̷̡̼̫͒̾̓ ̷͚̈́͑̍͐t̵̨̗̭̭̝̰͛̔͌̽̔i̷̗͈̩̝͛̊m̶̟̩̪̭̖̭̂͗̇̈e̶̘̪͚̮̪̘̓͌y̵̢͂͜ ̶̢̯̫̹̆̏͂͋͠͝w̶̨̘͖̓̈i̴̙͋̈́͠m̸͈̮̗̭͗͠ę̸̨̜̞͖͙͐̏̍̀y̷̖ ̸̤̞̐͗͘s̴̬̊̉̏̌͝͝ť̶̡͚̙̦̩̔̓̈́ŭ̶͉̪̤̆̐̚f̴͇̦͕̺̋́̈́͘͜f̸̫͙̻̆̂̽̈́̕̚ ̶̜̣̟̑̏͊̀̎͠u̷̢̮̞͒͑n̶̛̘͎̭̖̂́̾̌d̶̫͚͂ḝ̶̞̲͠r̶̢͔̤̖͍͉͊̚ ̶̡̳̬̇̂c̸̟̫̮͒̏́̏̈́o̶̯̞͉͆͌̉͐n̴̻̒͛͒̒t̸̟̪̭͖̘͌͊̇͛͘ŗ̷̹̮͂̓͗o̸̤̘͊̌ļ̸̛̜̺̝̼̲͑!̶̗̹͖̦͚̪͆̎̊̾̊͝

 

 **Jesse:** Stop, I can’t read this.

 

 **L̶̻̝̎̏̈̆͘e̵̢͎̞͈̳͠ṇ̸̝͍̰͗̚͜ã̵̡̖͚̗͉͈̓̎̄̑:̸͇̑̈́̌ ̶̨͍̯̪̯͇͆͂̇͘** T̵͙͛͆o̷͉͈͍͛͑͝ô̵̢͙͍̹̹̩̂̓͘ ̶̢̐̒͗̕b̵̪͉̅a̷̗̟̗̠͇̣d̴̛̤͑͌͑

 

 **Angela:** Thank god…

 

 **Jack:** It’s a miracle that you even wanted to still stay with Overwatch after the accident…

 

 **L̴̛̙̻̲ę̶̻̯̮͓̤̐͌n̴̺̻̼̙͙̟͐̒̈ä̷̮͍͙͑̎̓͠** :̶͎ ̵͚̋͑̏̕I̴̤͚̎̓̍͝'̴͖̻̍̕m̸̢̨͕͚̩̹̀̌͂͆͝͝ ̸̛͙̻̄̾̑̾n̸̹̖͒̑ô̴̻̼͒̈́͌̉̕t̶̻̟̦̠̳͝ ̴̬͛̌͂g̸͔̦͓̈́o̴͉͒̌ī̵̡̭͚͖̋͜n̶̟̎̄͘g̷̥̯̔̀̔̏͆̚ ̶̨̞̗̗̉̈́̀̋͊t̵̨̖̕͜ȍ̶̧̞̜̼̙̣̽̊ ̶̡̨͖͖̬̯̈͋l̶͎̖̰͍͚̔̈́̂ȩ̸̛̰͍̈́̐͜ť̴̨ ̶̠͝͝ă̶͈̝̋̈́̈͑̚ͅ ̸̖͓͖͙̞̈́̆̿͂̍͠l̵̥̣͚̅͗͂̔̌͜͝į̵̬̳̹̃̐ͅt̵̛͇̠͊̕t̷̲͒̚l̸̰͙͖͍̃̿͜e̸̹͓̳͌ ̴̛̣̾́̈̉a̸̜͚̰̅͌͆͛̕c̸̢͂͜c̸̡͚̳͓̲̍͋̂ĭ̷̱d̵̺͌͋̈́̑e̸̪̜͚̯̥̱͒n̶̪̆̏̈͝t̵̨̩̞͔̟̑ ̸͙͚͂͛͆̌͠ͅt̶̪͎͖̉̆u̸̼̗͔̞̝̾̏r̴̟̝̈́̄̍̈́n̶͕̲͈̥̜̄ ̷̠̽ṃ̴̡̤͈̊̃͊̾̉̆e̴̮̜̳̬͇͌ ̷͍̰̩̉a̶̹̪͉̍̈́w̸̛͓͔̌͠ả̷̢̧̧͓̜͎̏͠͝ý̶̥̾͌̋̐ ̵̢̲̥̥̋̌͝w̶̻̠͙͆̾̓̈́ī̶̯̿͊̃͝t̶̘̱̍ḫ̴͇͎͚̀̃̿̚͝ ̶̹̞͚͇͉͊̽̇̃͜ŵ̵͚̼͉͕̇̄͗͂ͅh̴͇̪̰̟̰͒͒̏̇͑̑a̵̧͔̐̈͘t̸̏̓͐ͅ ̵̝̜̼̟͙̹̅͗͊̀͝İ̷̪̹͙͚͍̐̄͑ ̷̣̘̾͐t̶̫̐̆͆̇͘ḧ̷̫̠͈̮͕́̒͝i̴̢̥̤̭̖͆̆̄͝n̵̨͙̬̣̯̈́͌̅̕͠k̵̠͓͇͊͊̃ ̷̧̨͕̲̣͕̾͗ĩ̴̢̮͎s̸̰̀̾́ ̴̨̯̜̽͆͗̒͝͠r̴̺͂̾̈̋͋ỉ̶̬̇͆ģ̵͉͉̱̭̊̒͒͆͜ẖ̴͙̞͛̓̊͝t̷̟̙͆̾̂͊̂̀.̶̜̤͕̫

 **Ļ̸̍͐͗̿̓͝é̵̡̧͈̳̼̓͜n̶͕̙̱̲͐͜a̸̞̰͙͍͑̕** :̷̯͒̀̇̽͑ ̵͉͙̯̅B̶̻̖̗͙̯͇̎̒̒e̷̹̠̗̍̅ş̷̘̠͚̭̱̋͑ȉ̵̢͈̘͈̥̒͝ͅd̷̨̰̝̫̯͛̾̄͊̀ͅe̴̪͍̼͕̤͂s̴̨̥͇̓̚,̵̠̫͉̀ ̵̜͎̈͝t̴̤̦̻͐̚ͅh̴̡̻͐̿̚e̸̮̯͔̩̲̋͐̽̏ ̶̘̻͆̋͛͜͝w̸̦̠͛̓͌̉͑o̵̤̙̭̅̏r̸̫̥̼̅̈́͠l̸̩̱̩̦̼̎̇͘͜ḑ̵͙͖͒̋̅̇̓͘ ̴̤̔̂c̴̱̦̑̒̓͗o̴̜̘̹̹̺͕̔̉̀̂u̶͖͔̐͌̊ļ̷̨̭̪̼͊͌ͅd̴̠̗͎͂͌͒͛́ ̸̞͈͂a̴̠͕͚̘͉̒̌͗͐̓l̶̥̒̈̉̂́̽w̶͉̌͑͋͘̚a̴̼̞̱̺̗̾͑̌͂͠y̶̡̘͙̬͇̿̀͝s̵̻͕̫̖͔̰̍̇̈́̚͠ ̷̢̢͇̻̇̍̽̋ư̷̲̟̭̜̣s̷͈͔͙̮̃̾e̷͓̼͈̥̓̾͆͐͜ ̸͈̭̫̻̇̋̓m̴̨̱̰͂̐̆͝ö̵̲̬͙̹͖́̀̌̓͌r̷̨̢̲̔̓̃͝ͅe̵̞̅̇̄̾͘ ̷̹̗̜͋͊̓̇͘h̵͖͌̽̊e̵͕̩͙̫̹̗͒r̶̬̜͍̺͚͎͒͊̇͌͝ö̷̳̟͍̥̳͛̔̊̐s̸̮̰̙̬̣͗̅̈̚ ̸̺͔̰̎̽ã̸̰͑̑͠͠n̴̮̘͓͇̄̇̾̓͗d̶̡͖͎̥͚̲͂ ̴̳̬̘̮̭̹̋̒̂ẗ̶͕́̐̈́͊͝ͅh̶̢̫͖̍ë̶̢̨̪́̀̔͌͊ ̸̻͉̻͙̻̎̄ą̴̨̛̲̟̹̪͌̋̇͛c̷̨̱̫̹̺c̴̪͗̈͂́͝͝į̷̹̮̫̭̠̒̿̕d̶̬̈́̋̓̃͊͘ë̸͙̳́̾̿͐ṋ̸̹͙̫̭̳̈̔̕͝t̷̳̬̣͒͂̑ ̴̳̖̪͉̌g̵̪͓͒̂͝à̵̬̦̝̪̳̿̓̚͝v̵̩͓̪̐e̵̢͔͉̮̪͖̓̔̔̐̉ ̴͉̺̦̹̖̃m̴̛̪̉̈̐e̶̢̧̳̻͍̠͑ ̸̘̥͖̫̿̿͒̕͠t̵̬͚̼͐h̷̯̯͛̏̎͑̕͝i̷̜̰͉̅͒̚ś̸̡̮̘̾͑͂ ̵̥̼͒͌̒̍̍͝g̷̹̯̩̰̳̪͛̕͘i̷̛̺͉̔̏͋̈f̸͓͆͠ț̶̘̲̜̏͠!̷̝̤̜͙̉̆̕͝

 

 **Jesse:** God, please stop. I’m getting a headache…

 

⛧ **L̵̟͚̫̝̞̏̏e̴̦͉̰͐̒̅̔n̷͕̟̺̯̟̉̓͆̆a̸̡̱̯̼̟͛̓** :̷̡̦̈́͗̕ ̸̱̩̫̘̅Ḍ̸̍ē̵̺̼͗̈́͜ͅą̴̞̘̜̿͝l̵̳̺͒́ ̵̛̙͚̟̑̀͗̕w̵͈͚͈̆͋i̷̢̥̰͒͘t̴̞̝͑͜ͅḣ̷̫̙̯̟͠ ̵͙̭͖͔͊̈͊́̏î̶̘͕ț̵̺̜̅̇͌͝.̷̜̗̲̍̄̐̃͆ ⛧

 

 **Ana:** I can’t read that…

 

.Ɉi ʜɈiw lɒɘႧ: **ɒnɘ⅃**

 

 **Emily** :ooh, that’s new!

 

!Ɉi ɘvol I ⸮ɈʜϱiЯ : **ɒnɘ⅃**

 

 **Angela:** How do you deal with this, Emily?

 

 **Emily:** It’s one of the cutest things I love about her.

 **Emily:** Sometimes she’ll send me a good morning text like this.

 

 **𝔏𝔢𝔫𝔞** : 𝔄𝔴𝔴, 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲! 𝔅𝔞𝔟𝔶 𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩, ℑ 𝔴𝔲𝔳 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔰𝔬 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥!

 

 **Ana:** How romantic…?

 

 **Brigitte:** Woah

 **Brigitte:** Is my screen broken or something?

 

 **Sombra:** Hey

 **Sombra:** What the fuck did you do to the chat, Lena?

 

 **L̶̜̍̊̈̓́̕é̶̮̼͖͍̮̝̅͠͝ṋ̵̨̯̙̠̺͑ā̴̪̰̯̹͊̓͒** :̵̻̒̾ ̵̲̳͓̺̓̌̓͗̋͘ͅĨ̴̺̙̩'̸͙̖͉̣̾̈́̇̉̋͑͜m̶̨̺͖͙̼̗͆̂͗̾͋ ̵̱̼̻̈̏́j̵͓̻͓͛̽́͆̂ư̵̠͔͚̫̊̇̃̏͂s̶̲͂̏̇́ť̵͕͝ ̸̯̰̓t̷̬͒̚e̶͓̣̘̹̻̮̅̑͊x̵̩̠͂̍͋͠t̷̢̮͙͗̉̔̽͜i̷̲̯̫͕̔n̸̩͉̮̬̄͝͝ģ̴̳̬̆͑̍,̶̥̩̑̇ ̷̢͇̪̘̰̥̔̂͋ṯ̸̨̨͔͓͌͒̐̚̕h̵͓̬͋̏̕͝á̶̧̦͙̈́͝t̷͓̖͓̰̂͂̽̋͑'̷̦̰̝̠̆͆̆s̶̢̨̲͇̤̈ ̵̳̪͍͚̓͆̂͊ä̴̬̜͔́͒͛̂͋l̷̠̜̗̰̹͌̎̓͒̄l̸̤̔͌́͠͝.̶̞̭̼̹̹̓͠

 

 **Hana:** WHAT THE FUCK????

 **Hana:** DA FUQ IS THIS????

 **Hana:** WHAAAAATTTT???

 

 **Sombra:** This is hurting my head...

 

☠ ☠ **Mei** : What's so odd about it? ☠ ☠

 

 **Angela:**....wtf??

 

 **Jesse:** I knew it…

 

 **Jack:** Um...should we be concerned for Mei?

 

☠ ☠ **Mei** : Concern about what?☠ ☠

 

 **Ana:** @Zarya, do something about your gf bc she’s scaring us.

 

 **Zarya:** Dₑₐₗ 𝓌ᵢₜₕ ᵢₜ.

 

 **Sombra:** WHAT THE FUCKK?????

 **Sombra:** HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS??

 **Sombra:** LIKE LENA I GET IT BUT HOW DO YOU TWO KNOW HOW TO DO THIS??

 

 **Zarya:** Yₒᵤ 𝒸ₐₗₗ ᵧₒᵤᵣₛₑₗ𝒻 ₐ ₕₐ𝒸ₖₑᵣ 𝓌ₕₑₙ ᵧₒᵤ 𝒸ₐₙ'ₜ 𝒹ₒ ₜₕᵢₛ?

 

 **Sombra:** HOW???????!!!!!!!!

 

 **Bastion:** 01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00101110

 

 **Sombra:** You’re not helping….

 **Sombra:** Jokes on you, I actually understand binary.

 

 **Bastion:** 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110000 01101001 01100101 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101001 01110100 00101110 00101110 00101110

 

 **Sombra:** YOU LITTLE RUDE SHIT!!!!

 **Sombra:** 01000010 01110010 01101111 00101100 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100001 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101000 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01110011 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110000 01101001 01100101 01100011 01100101 01110011 00100001

 

 **Bastion:**  01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110000 01101001 01100101 01110010 01100011 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01101111 01100100 01111001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01110011 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01101100 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101001 01110100 00101110 00100000 01000011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100001 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100001

 

 **Jesse:** CAN YA’LL FUCKING STOP????!!!

 

 **Hana:** PLEASE BC I CAN’T UNDERSTAND THIS!!!

 

 **Orisa:** They’re just fighting.

 **Orisa:** 01010011 01101111 01101101 01100010 01110010 01100001 00101100 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101111 01100110 01100110 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01100011 01101011 01101111 01100110 01100110 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101001 01101100 00100000 01110100 01100101 01100011 01101000 01101110 01101001 01100011 01101001 01100001 01101110 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100001 01100110 01110010 01100001 01101001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101110 01100001 01110000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101111 01100100 01111001 00101110

 

 **Sombra:** OKAY OKAY I’LL BACK OFF SHEEESH!!!

 

 **Angela:** WHAT ARE YOU GUYS SAYING???

 

 **Sombra:** Nothing.

 **Sombra:** Fuck off.

 

 **Fareeha:** Don’t be rude to my wife.

 

 **Sombra:** Shut up, I’m in a bad mood and I have your nudes.

 

**Fareeha:Ｙｏｕ░ｗａｎｔ░ｔｏ░ｆｉｇｈｔ？**

 

 **Sombra:** HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT??

 **Sombra:** HOW COME EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO DO THIS EXCEPT ME????

 

 **Zarya:** ᵢ 𝓰ᵤₑₛₛ ᵧₒᵤ ₐᵣₑ ₐ ₕₒᵣᵣᵢᵦₗₑ ₕₐ𝒸ₖₑᵣ, ₙₒₒ𝒹ₗₑ ₗₑ𝓰.

 

 **Sombra:** I AM NOT A NOODLE LEG FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

 

 **L̴̢̟̓e̸̱̱͗n̴̮̰̺ä̷̱̫̩** :̸̬͍̓̃̓ ̸̳̃̈́Ÿ̶͓̭͑͘ö̷͚̪́ȗ̴̥̎͐ ̵̥̔h̵̼͓̗͋͐̃a̵̬͔̫͠͝v̷̳͆̽͘e̷̞͇̼͂ ̶̩̭͛͊͋s̸̙̈́̑u̷̠̍c̵̘̩̍h̶̲͍̏̈́̽͜ ̸̛̙̟͌š̷̩̩̞k̶̢̘̲̒̌͊i̶̢͙͐́͛͜n̸͈̝͑n̸̎̿̕͜y̸̳̼͛ ̶̟͙͚͌̌n̶̖͆͌ŏ̶̥ȏ̷̬͎d̸̤͍͊̂̏͜l̸̙͍̔̍e̵͓̪̍͝ ̴̢̖̈́͐̂l̷͇͋̂ḛ̶̈́̿̾g̷̫̅̋̿ͅs̶̖͇̗̉͂̚.̷̨͎̑

 

 **Sombra:** I DO NOT HAVE NOODLE LEGS!!!!

 

 **Widowmaker:** Yeah you do.

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK OFF!

 

 **Widowmaker:** No, I like seeing you all defeated.

 

 **Sombra:** Give me like 5 minutes! I’ll figure this out!

 

.υoγ llɘɈ Ɉƨυį blυoɔ I wonʞ υoY : **ɒnɘ⅃**

 

 **Sombra:** No, let me figure it out.

 **Sombra:** I am the number 1 hacker.

 

 **Zarya:** 【Ａｒｅ ｙｏｕ ｓｕｒｅ ａｂｏｕｔ ｔｈａｔ？】

 

 **Sombra:** I AM!!!!

 

 **L̵͙̃e̶̻̹̬͘n̶̟̿̋͛ą̷̝̱̔** :̵̫̺͋ ̴̨͈͑O̵̠̼̝͆ǩ̷͖͍̪̋͆a̶̗̱̪̾ỳ̶͚̝̟,̶͙̩̰͂͘ ̴͂͌̐ͅĩ̷͉͇̌f̶͖̾̐̾ ̶̩̯͈̽̽͋y̸̯̳͝o̸̧̡͓͗ù̶̥͝'̵̹̭̈́͋͠r̶̙̟̥͛́̑e̸̡͙͕͠ ̴̱̜̈́̅s̸̚ͅö̷̧͓̲̐̎ ̴͕̈́ṣ̴̨͌u̸̜͈̐̚r̴̺̃̃ḙ̷̃͝.̸̠̉̊̕.̶̘͌.̴̗͂̔͝

 

 **Hana:** LEAVE HER ALONE! SHE’S TRYING!

 

 **Brigitte:** YEAH!

 

 **Hana:** Wow, are you actually being a supportive girlfriend for once?

 

 **Brigitte:** ✡︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ♓︎ ♋︎❍︎📬︎

 

 **Hana:** What the fuck is that???

 

 **Brigitte:** ;)

 

 **Sombra:** OKAY NOW YOU ARE BEING A FUCKING PRICK, BRIGITTE.

 

 **Brigitte:** 🕈︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ♋︎●︎●︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ●︎□︎❖︎♏︎ ♓︎■︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⬥︎□︎❒︎●︎♎︎📪︎ ❍︎♋︎⍓︎♌︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⬧︎♒︎□︎◆︎●︎♎︎ 🙰◆︎⬧︎⧫︎ ♌︎♏︎ ♋︎ ♌︎♏︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ♒︎♋︎♍︎🙵♏︎❒︎📬︎ 👍︎◆︎⧫︎♓︎♏︎❞︎

 

 **Sombra:** WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?????

 

 **Brigitte:** It’s Wingdings...anyone can do it.

 

 **Sombra:** jkdsghldfljsljggfkhdkgldjshdskfh

 **Sombra:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

 

 **Widowmaker:** 👎︎◆︎❍︎♌︎♋︎⬧︎⬧︎📬︎

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK YOU WIDOW I CAN FUCKING COPY AND PASTE THAT SHIT NOW.

 

 **Widowmaker:** ✡︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎♓︎♎︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ 🙵■︎□︎⬥︎ ♌︎♏︎♐︎□︎❒︎♏︎📬︎📬︎📬︎♎︎◆︎❍︎♌︎♋︎⬧︎⬧︎📬︎

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK OFF!

 

 **Jesse:** Ｈｕｈ，░ｔｈｉｓ░ｉｓ░ｅａｓｙ．

 

 **Sombra:** …

 **Sombra:** What….

 

 **Angela:** Fᵢ𝓰ᵤᵣₑ𝒹 ᵢₜ ₒᵤₜ!

 

 **Sombra:** HOWWWWW!??

 

 **L̷̪̎̎ě̸̤͐n̶͍͐̎̅a̴̟̱̿** :̴̨͖̮̉̈ ̷̫̼̐g̴͖͙͍̏̅̎e̴͉͐̓ṫ̷͍̝ ̴̱̇̒͝g̵̠̹̀͊̚u̴̬͙̤̍̍̿d̷̞̞̊̓

 

 **Sombra:** laksdjgkadhgkadhgkkfjghskchgkjshdkhfg

 **Sombra:** WHAT??

 

 **Hana:** Babe…

 **Hana:** 𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎.

 

 **Sombra:** TRAITOR!!!!!

 **Sombra:** TELL ME HOW YOU DID IT.

 

 **Hana:** 𝐼 𝓀𝒾𝓃𝒹𝒶 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓉'𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝑜𝓊𝓉.

 

 **Sombra:** YOU GUYS ARE MEAN

 

 **Ľ̶̺̦ė̸̪̝̆́ǹ̸̠͈̮̿a̶̦͐̋:̷̦̃ ̵̛̩̈** N̶̦͐̾ǫ̷̭͖̋̏́,̵̱̤̰̌ ̴̦̰ỳ̷̦̰̃o̵͙̮̓͗̃ủ̵̖̫̪͒͘ ̶̛̱̠̟͋͐j̷̞̭̑u̴̡̟̩̾̚s̶͔̄̈́͘ͅt̸͇̊̕ ̸̬͉̜̈́̿ñ̷͓͍̻͝e̵͎̱̒͗͝ę̸̥̖͝d̷͔̈́̀ ̷̳̒t̸̼̏o̶̖̮̻͊ ̴̩̠̔͒b̵̨̞͚͂͒̈e̴̫͖͔̐͊͒ ̵̤͎̈̈́͠ả̶̢̤̾ ̸̢͋͌̾b̶͈̯̞̐e̸̠̲̓t̴̙̠͚̎̂͝t̵̩̬͌ę̵̺̏ȑ̸̙ ̸͕͗̄h̷̺͎̍͒a̴̹̯̿̒͋ç̵͆̂ḳ̸̒͜ȩ̸̭̘̍̆͋r̶̓ͅ.̷̳̙̊̊

O⅃O⅃O⅃O⅃O⅃O⅃OЯT **:ɒnɘ⅃**

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK OFF!!!

 

.ɿɘʞɔɒʜ ɿɘɈɈɘd ɒ ɘd ɘdγɒm ,oИ : **ɒnɘ⅃**

 

**Hammond: 🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹🐹**

 

 **Sombra:** 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100111 01110101 01111001 01110011 00101110 00100000 01011001 01100001 00100111 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 00101110 00100000 01001010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101001 01110100 00100001 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100110 01101001 01100111 01110101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00101110

 

 **Zenyatta:** 01001000 01110101 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110101 01110000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00101100 00100000 01100010 01101001 01110100 01100011 01101000 00101110

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK OFF ZENYATTA AND SHOVE YOUR BALLS UP YOUR ASS!!!

 

 **Genji:** 01000100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101100 01101011 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01001101 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01001101 01101111 01101001 01110010 01100001 00100000 01101110 01100001 01101001 01101100 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01100011 01101011 01101111 01100110 01100110 00101110

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

 **L̴̨̜̪̆͝e̷̪̖̒͑̕n̸͎̻̂a̶̠͈͙͒͂̂** :̶̗̰̍ ̸̦̇̄M̴͚̖̭̿ǎ̸̮̝̤y̸̱͚̒͌b̶̨̹͖͒͂̚ẽ̸̝͈̭̌̇ ̶̣̋̀s̵͚͝ͅt̸̡̖͆ö̸̹͔̞̑p̶̹̼͎̈́̋ ̶̨͖̺̏͗w̵̙̘͓͘ả̵̢͓̊ş̵͖̊͒t̷͈͈̫i̷̫̫͕n̶̠̟̿̆ǧ̴̫̞̫ ̴͉̒̈́̒t̶͎̭̑i̴͕͒̒m̴̡̬̩̊̏ė̷̢̳ ̵̻͎̘͛̉o̴̜͝n̵̤͛̚ ̵̡̹̄͒̒ć̶͕͕͚͌u̸̲̭̿r̵̝̓̈́̾s̴̹̯̖̏͝i̸̹̞̺̾͝n̶̙̍̂͝g̵̨̓ ̶̠̇p̸͔̟̰̈́e̷͍̬͆o̸̠̎̚͝p̶̣̥̀̀͠l̴̙̉͊̒ͅe̸̢͕̣̓̚͝ ̶̺̰̟̋̃͒ǫ̵̯̲̇u̶̹̫͋t̴̫̽̾̽ ̴̲̎a̵̭͇͖̍ṉ̸̹̃͊ͅd̶̟̗͔̏̈́͑ ̴̡̢͙̔͂a̵̱͛c̷̯̳͍̈͛t̶͎̬͒u̷̢̨̗̐̊a̷̯͙̓͑̒l̴̘̺̺̽̏̽l̵̲͋̽ỷ̸͇ ̷̞̅̉̈f̴̰̤̼̏̒i̵̛͖͓̊g̶̣̖̞̃̋͐ủ̷͈͈͚r̸̭̃͛̏e̸̻̳̱͆̊ ̴̺̭̾͝t̶̟̗̲͋̈́h̶̤̋̊͠i̴̲͋͗ŝ̴̱̠͒ ̶͉̼͋s̷̠̦͇͋̐̚h̵̥̫̕i̴̜͒̿͘ẗ̶͉͍͇́ ̶̭͐͗ȍ̶̫̗̩͌u̸̻̱͂͆t̸̬͚̔.̶̖͒̉͜͜

 

 **Sombra:** ldskfhlsh;lhf;ldshj;lkdfj;xklj;lkdjg;alksjlg

 

 **Reaper:** 丅ℍ𝒾ร Μ𝔞Ｋⓔ𝕤 𝐔𝐩 ᖴ𝑜ⓡ 𝕒ℓ𝔩 𝓣𝔥є 𝐝ｏ𝓞𝕣Ｓ ү𝐎𝓊 𝐬𝔩Ãм ⓘภ ｍＹ 𝐟ⓐ𝐜ｅ.

 

 **Sombra:** No, you too??

 

 **Widowmaker:** 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖, 𝕊𝕠𝕞𝕓𝕣𝕒.

 

 **Moira:** Ⓝⓞ ⓞⓝⓔ ⓦⓘⓛⓛ ⓗⓔⓛⓟ ⓨⓞⓤ

 

 **Doomfist:** Ø₦ⱠɎ ₮ⱧⱤØɄ₲Ⱨ ₵Ø₦₣Ⱡł₵₮, ĐØ ₩Ɇ ɆVØⱠVɆ.

 

 **Sombra:** I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL!!!!!

 

 **L̶͚̱̓̌͗ḙ̶n̶̛̞͕̣̆a̵̩͑** :̶̜̈́͛ ̵̢͔̀͠M̵͙͐͐A̵͛͆ͅY̸̱̆̕B̵̛̤̯̣̿Ě̴̺̬̋̏ ̴̨̰̭͗̉͐Ą̸̜͎͋Ĉ̵̻͠T̸̹̝̑̂U̷̯̣̍͗Á̷̖̤̐͌L̷̰͊ͅL̶͙̀Ŷ̴͖̏ ̴͈̭̚B̴̝̘͔̀̂̐Ḙ̵̡̟̂̅̌ ̴̘̔A̷̡̬͓͒ ̶͍͉̽̆̈H̷̝̭̎̓A̶̩͂͆̓C̴̡̝̯̽͂̚Ķ̵̰͌Ȩ̷͎̲̀͐͝R̴̺̪̆?̶̞̫̱̈?̵̥̇͊?̵͔͊̈́?̸̱͕͘͝

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK YOU!!!!!

 

 **Hana:** 『B』『a』『b』『e』『,』 『y』『o』『u』 『c』『a』『n』 『d』『o』 『t』『h』『i』『s』『.』

 

 **Sombra:** STOP MOCKING ME HANA FOR FUCK SAKE!!!

 

**Jesse: ≋H≋A≋H≋A≋H≋A≋H≋A≋H≋A≋H≋A≋H≋A≋**

 

 **Sombra:** Vete a la mierda Joder, no puedo soportarlos, chicos. ¡Vete a la mierda! Los odio a todos. Joder Overwatch. ¡Joder Talon!

 

 **Reaper:** Did you use Google translate….??

 

 **Sombra:** YEAH BC FUCK YOU GUYS!!! I CAN SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT LIKE YOU GUYS! FUCK YOU ALL!!!

 

 **Ļ̸̺̈́ë̵̳̳͊n̴͉̻̈́̚̚ḁ̶̗̐̃̍ͅ** :̸̯̬̣̂ ̸̲̪̲̇̽͌G̸̼̏̕i̷̭͔̙͒̈́r̶͎͌̚l̷͎̪̽,̸̛̼͖̎̚ ̵̣͚̦̅͆c̵̯̺̓͆̃ḩ̵̀͌i̵̪̇̉ḻ̷͖̆͝l̴͙̓̏.̶̝̉

 

 **Sombra:** NO FUCK YOU GUYS! I AM A HACKER AND I WILL FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT!!! FUCK YOU GUYS!

 

 **Hana:** Çåñ Ì jµ§† †êll ¥ðµ?

 

 **Sombra:** NO!!!

 

 **Brigitte:** þlêå§ê?

 

 **Sombra:** NO YOU TRAITORS I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT!

 

 **Angela:** ђยггץ ยק Շђєภ.

 

 **Fareeha:** 🅆🄴'🅁🄴 🅆🄰🄸🅃🄸🄽🄶.

 

 **Jesse:** ¡¡ʎuunɟ os sı sıɥ⊥

XXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **S̴̛̛͚̬̳̤̮̩̅͊̋̍̒͊̽̈̓̋͒̓͑͌̋͐̈́̒̎͗̇̈́̾̈́̌̎͂̓̓̍͆̒͊̀́̄̂̃̍̾͒̑́̈́͌̂̉͌̾̎̄̐̑͂̑̑̃̆̆̎̔͐̓͑͋̓͆̒̑̃̐̈́̚̕͠͝͝͝ô̷̧̧̢̡̡̢̨̡̨̨̫̭͔̤̝̳̠̮̤̝͎̮̥͚͖͕̹͔̲͉͍̝̭͓̗̯̙̮͔̙͚͉͉̘̖̪͎̘̪͈͈̭̘̯̫̼̰̹̣̣͈͖̫̘̱̜̱͔̮̝̯͇̻͓͉̝͍̰͖̳͉̻̠͍̣̟̹̮͉̘͚̘̭̲̼̳̗̰̙͈̤͇̯͓̻̥͔̫̼͑̇̐͆̿̈́͛̒̎̀̚͘͜ͅͅͅͅͅm̵̢̡̛̛̭̞̙͎͍̰̺̣̜͉̪̳̰̪͔͇̤̉̓̎̋̄̽̈͌̾̄̂̂̀̓͐͒̿̍͆͋͌̅̂͊̐̀̄͗͒̽̔̂̾̇͗̉̐͌̓͊̑̈̐̓̌̇̄̆̉̉̈́͗̉̉͋́͂̓̄̈́̿̀̈́̌͊͒̆͐̉̏̉͊͑͑̆̂͐̀̂̊̌͐̎̏̈́̐͐̾͒̎̋̕͘̕͜͜͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͠ͅͅb̶̛̮̟͉̹̟̫̠͎̏̇̈́̍̋͊̋̈̄͋̅͆̎̔̆̒͂̍͗̅̈́͐͗̊͒̑̃̉̈́͒͒͒͂͛̅͂̔̅̄̏̽͂͊̓͑͛̓̈́̾̀͊͑̈́̈́̌͋̂̒͐͌͛̋͂͆̏̆̊́̑͛͌͌͂̇̉̈́́͐̃̎͘̕̚͘̕̕͜͝͠͠͠͠͠͝͝r̸̩̺̤̻̪͖̻͕͍̮̘̖͋̅͋̾̆̏̔̌̒̈́̈́̂̀̍̇͆̓̓̀́̊̄̆̈́̏̔̽͒͐̓̾̓̍͂̓̽̿̈͌̍̊̃̉̒̓̉̑̌̀̓̌͘̚̚͘̚̚͝͠͝a̶̧̨̡̢̨̨̛̺͓̳͈̤̘͇̳̞͈̞̩̙̺̭̻̦̪̼̬̟͎̹̦̥͚̜̜̩̰̖̦͈͙̙̫̻̓̃̈́̓͆̽̌͊̽̽͐̅̈́̽̅̔̉̅̄̆̋͂͋͂̍̕̚̚̕̕͜:̷̛̛̤͖̯͈̭͇̪̘̪͎̤͓͔͚̖̹͇͔͍̖̪̦̤̦͔̥̗̳̯̼̰̭͍̝̠̹̥̖̺͇̬͇̙̱̔͐̏̂̉̑̋̋͊͌̔͊̅̑́̓̋̉̊̄͌͆͂͒̂̇̀̈́̋͐͗̓̄͌̋̃͆̑̈̋̄̇̅̌͗̂̇̃̎̉̐̈́̇̿̃̊̽̅͌̇́͊̈́̃̆͆̅͛͐͒̔̈͑̈̏͌̈́͂̌̀̒̀͛̈́̃̉͑̋̐̄̀͐̕̕̚̕͘̚̚͜͠͠͝͠͠͝** ̶̧̨̢̢̧̧̡̛͔͖͈̥̥̪̥̰̘̭̱͎̹͍̻̬̖̗̭͈̠̠͚̮̯͙̯̺̫̮͍͎̭̠̥͍̪͔̼̲̰͓̣̩̭̹͈͚͚̪͖̳̬̠̳̮̒̈́͂̽́͛̓̏̂̈̽͌̓͑̇͋͐͂̃́̿̈̑͆̿̐͐̀̒̆̈́͊͘͘͜͝͝ͅͅͅͅĮ̷̡̧̢̨̫͙̲̭͔̫̩͎̯̙̰̲̦̟̱̠̥̱͖̤̦̥͉̼͚͇̥̗̫̦͙̪͔̞͕͎̬̺͈̩̬̹̳̝̖̺͇͍̥̣̟̜͍̫̖̥̞̹͉̯̊͒̀̈͋̑̋̆̑͛͆̔͒̏̉̀͌̄̌͊̅̀͗͒̋̍̂̔͑̋͋̑̆̔͌̌̊̒̽̈́̾̏̒̄̌͗̽̚̚͜͜͠͠͠ ̷̧̛̳̖̦͍͚̹͉͕͔̮͚̹̱̯̰̗̗̣̙̮͎̬̩̝̹̪͕̥͇̯̼̫̼̥̭̤͓̜̰̖͎͖̟̟̪̠͐̆̿̓̽̉̔̉̔̊̐̈́́̋̍͒́͒͒͛̊͗̉̓̈́̓͋̽͛̽̓̀͆̿̃̈̋̂̌̅͌͒͒̽̄̆̍̈̒̈́͌͑̉̈́̃̉͒̕̚͘͘͘̚͝͠͠͝F̷̧̧̢̧̨̢̨͉̰̼͚̳͔̠̪̺̪͖͈̲͖̤̙̥̥͍̤͔͉̗̤̯̙̞̟̥̤͖̲̫̬̪͍͙̱̜̼͇͚̖̣̤̺̼̬̜̫̼̗̠̗̤̯͖̺͖̝̥͇̘̬͔̗̺͇̞̠̼͚̄̌̎̂́͗̔̇͛̉̽́̿̊̾̆̉̚͜͜͝Į̷̧̧̨̧̢͎̫̪̦̝̰͇͍̞̗͓̫̦̥͚̳̼̘͎̫͍͓̹̮̟̹̟͚͇̠͚̺̣͕͚̖̖̮̳̺͈̱̪͖̙̘͖̭̥̻͈̘͕͍̹͇̩̘͎̖͚͉̱̻̤̪̜̖͇̙̣̼̏͊̂̽͗͊̋̔̈͑̔̿́͆̐͗̉̏̓̈͑̄̽̏̂̋̈́̊̽̈̃̈͑̒͒́̇̍͋͒̾̌̋͛͒̿̏͌́̓̓̋͊̎̓̕͘̚͜͜͜͝͝͝͝ͅͅĢ̷̡̢̡̡̡̨̧̢̛̺͍͈̻͚̮̱̬̥͕̻͖͓̘̥͙͙̟͖͓͈̗̤̥͕̞̩͕̱̗̝̣̹̺͓̪͚̲͇̣͚͕̗̺͓̝̥̳͉̙̩͙̹̹̹̲̥̖͍̥͕̩̝̘̲̫͎̪̫̯͈̠͖̹̃͑̍̔̂̊̃̒͂̈͊̃̆̈̂͑̑̃͆͒̃̓̍͛̈́̎́̽͑̈́̇͛̃̅̎͋͆͒̒̊́̒̍̽̏̋̽̑͐̆̿̿̒͐͆̊̏̉̈̆͒̓̈́͒̿̏̅͋̎̌̈́̑̔͑͋̀̂̊̍̾̈́̂̂̄̽͒̉̈̃͛͌͋͐̐́̀̾̑̄̃͘̚̕͘̕̚͘̕̕͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅU̶̧̡̢̢̨͔̙̬̼͙͕̦̗̞̫̖̩̲̤̩͈͉͙̪̹̝̩̳̬͕̫̣̠̗̹̮̣̟̙͕͉̺̰̙̰̖͈͎͓̩̪̲̳̩͇͙̗̳̭͔̠̪̱͓͉̘̳̱͖̜̺̤̜͔̇͜͜͜ͅR̶̡̧̡̧̹͎͇͙̞̟̦͎͓̺̹̘̻̙̹̼̻̮̱̟̠̱͔̼̘͇̥̟̪̝͚̫͖̗͉̰͖̙͔̼̯̬̭̜͓̣̗͉͎̳̼̞͚̜̝͚͍̜̜͔̫̣͉̝͂̓̐͜͜ͅͅĒ̸̡̡̨̡̢̖̲̫̗̞͓̞̰͈̖̣̰͚̭̹͓̼̝͎̗̤̻̠͎̩̩͔̰͈̳̦̠̰̹̗͎̟̰͕͙͓̳̪̭̼̗̪̮͔̠̗̞̜̗̙̗̦͚̮̠̥͍̖̙̤̣͈̲̗̣̣̘̻̬̰̠̙̍̎̈́͒̎̑̒̆̈́͋̑̂̃̎̌̅̉̅̽̚̚͜ͅD̵̢̢̨̢̢̡̨̡̛̛̛̻̼̼͇̪̙̹̺̩͓͍͉͓̩̖̯̠͕̯͚͚̭͔͚͉̦̪͕͈͍̝͈͉̲̳͇͎͖̟̺̹̝̝͇̼͈̬̝̤̜̬̫̝̖̜͈̬̥̬̭̣̥̥̬̫̯̮͎͖̙̥̜̖̜̣͓̦͕̟̭̗̟̲͙̺̜̤̪̗̗͇̫̗̤̦̘̓̊̔͊̿̎̽̊̈́̈́͋̏̂̊̿̒͆̒̃̎̑͌̄̉͆͑̾̔̈̓͛̐̎̄̉̉͂́͗̈́̎̉͒͊̔̃̏̍͊̅̂̃̒̐̏̆͒͂̊͋̄̊̅̒͛͗̏͒̍̍̎͒̾̉͗̉̃̉̓̔̽̂̍̓̇̽͋͐̈̄̐͗͊̈̾̅̽͋̔͌̚̚̕̕̚͘̕̚͘͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅ ̸̧̧̧̡̢̛̥͖̘̗̖̙͚̫̯̬͖̩̰͕͖̲̖͈̲̺̩̝͈̤̭̩͈̥͖̣̻͔̯̲̗̬̯̥͉̭͔͖͖̭̦͔̝̹͎̝̝̜͓͇̝̭͔̻̻̻͓̖͔͓̫̺͔̹̈́̈́͌̽̇̏̅͌̏͐̑͒́͗͌̅͊̏̈́̐̾̇̒͌͐̅̌͐͊̂̉͒͑̍͑͌͋̑̓̓̂̒̄̊̀͋͌̉́̈́̾̈̒̎̔͛̈́̓̾̐͌̓̕̚̕̕͜͜͠͝͠͝͝͝͝Į̸̧̛̳̦̙̘͕͖͔̜̟͍̗̖̟͈̣̘̫̜̗́̒́̇͂͗́͑͒̽̊͋͛̃͒̆͗̏̿͗̂̅̍̌̈́͒̓̅͋́̏͊̽̍̾̇͐͂͗͆̿̋̈̔̍͗͂̓̀̈͂̐̅̈́͛̀̌̉̈́͌̑͆̋̋̑̓̎͒̄̎͛͛̂̿̈͑̚̕̚̕̚͝͠͠͠͝͠T̸̡̨̢̨̧̡̧̳͇̘̖̟͓͓̟̱͎̗͈̟̟͎̙̙͔̮̞̖͚͍̹̟̬̳̠͇͎̤̬̥̭̘̗̞͕̦͇̰͖͔͇̮͔̮̤̥̳͇̠̻̫̥̼͈͚̭̺̣̗͍̳̰̝̦͖̗͛̀͗́̓̄̈̈́́̋͋̍̄͐̓̅̾̏̅̓̃͆̃̌͒͛̑͑̐̾̿͂̚͘̚̕͜͜͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͠ͅ ̷̢̡̧̢̨̨̛̛͙͓̦̬͖̼̩̬̭̗̺͎̪̘̲̫͙̝̫̬̺̯͚͕̪̱̻̤͕͕͓̪̞͇̠͔̖̫̤̖̗̪͚̪̝̥͉̯̗̯̩͈͖̯̥̤͈͇̿͑̌̉̿̒̋̒̓̀̑́̏̽͌̋͂̊̈́̊͑̑̅̈́͗̔̊̂͂́̽͆͊̏̈́̃͋̌̓͛͗̎͒͊̑̑̏̉͂́̓̃̚̚̕̚͘͝͠͝͝Ǫ̴̡̡̢̨̧̡̛̠̫̙͔̲̪̫͕̙̞͎̪͓̫̪̳̘͓̫̟̥͔̠̗͔̜̘͈͔͉̮̯̳̦̪̣͍̠̮̝͔͔̼̠̺͇̬̮̭̞̪͉̤̰͖̤͇͚̲͙̫̮̟͚̹̜͖̯̯͚̺̞̝̩̰̳͚̝̈́̌͒̾͋̐͌̑͊̌̌̄̇́̓͛͌̆̉͂̒͋̃̉͑͊͛̀̆͆́͗̆̑̈́̅̅͊̇͛̌̐͗͊̍̽͊̀̾̀̾̿̇̑̔̄̈́͛͂̚̚̚̚̕͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅU̸̢̨̧͈͔̯̤̙̹̳̜͙͖̩͇̙͍̥̮̠̞̱̠̯̻͓̜̝͔͚̥̟̩̯͙͎͓̜̭̰̫̠̠͎̞̾̈́͋̅̃̑͑̎͂̓͒͋̓͋̆̏͛̔̅̋̀̓̈͌̄̔̓̅̾͌͂̉̈͊̀̔̏̈́̉̚̚̕͜͜͜͠͝͝Ṫ̶̡̧̡̢̨̢̨̢̨̢̨̢̡̢̨̛̛̛̮͕̫͈̠͎̙͍̮̞̮̺͖͖̼͔̫͉͍͖̯͕͖̖͈̠̘̥̻̝̣̮̦̰̺͙̳̣̯̩̲̬̬̣̖͎̪̙̞͍̙̲̞͍̻͈͖̭͕̟̘̯̮̪͕̭͓͍͈̗͍͎̟͇̭̪̉̌̊͒͋͑͋͌̽̃̃̊̉͒̏̍͆͆̓̇̅̅͌̄͐̓̐͌̐͋̃̿̉͊̽̄̓̊͆̽̈́̈́̾̈́̉̋̃̆̊͛̓͘͘̕̕̕̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅ!̴̧̧̢̡̧̖̗͉͍̳̩͎͎̝͓̭͍͈͚̞̝̙͇̹̰̱͉̫̗̻͔̲̲̤̝̳̟̯̞̘̰̞̗̥̦̹̼̯͔̜̠͈͚͚͚͋̆̍̂͊̄̍̈́͒̓̀̄͂͆͒͆͋̀̽͆̾͒̒̐̎̊̂̋̑͑̄͐̀̊̓̉͑͊͑̅͌͆̒̀̄̽͊͑̎̿̍̅̑̓̾͑̾̃̒̈́̑͗̈́̋͗̐̅͌̃͊̿́̀̇̈́̑͊̈́̕̕̚̚͘̚̚̕̕̚̕͘̕͝͝͠͝͠͝ͅ

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**L̷̨̨̧̢̧̡̨̨̡̨̢̨̨̢̧̧̨̧̧̢̡̨̢̧̨̯͖̺̩̜͇̖͔̣̺͍͍͚̖̬͎̖̮̦͎͇̭̠͎̝̮̫̞̫͍̯̥̭̮̹͔̜̭̼͎̗͚̮̞̲̟̝͕͕̪̟͇̥̝̭̺̪̩̺̞̰̦̱̗͕͇̗͍͔̗͉͎̙̪̰̗͔̗̦̰̟̪̝̰̯̮̗̪̭̘͎̱̹̩̙͕̳͖͎͕̮̟͉͎̳̱͎͔̲̘̬̰͍̖͕̲͉͕̤̭͕̯̭̼̖̮̤̭̻̬̤̮̙̜̭̫̤̩̫̻̲̼̜͎̬̫͉̠̰̬̲͍̮̫͙̪̙̼̰͎̠͈̟̗͇͍͎̪͚͉̞͚̹̳͙̼̮̖̝̣̘̩͉̩̘̳͖̝͈͉̯͔͔̫͖̞̤͔̝͇̗̜̰̱͉͍̻̙̜̫̖͍͓͖̭̦͇̲͍͍̹̬̮̮̼̬̙̟̮̲̳͇͇̯̪͕͉̥̓̊̆̀̂̀͗̂̍͛̏̈́̈́́͐͌́́͌͂̅̔̐͊͑̎͗̿͆͑̂̽͗̓̌̈́͛̕̚̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠ͅͅͅͅȩ̵̢̢̡̧̢̢̧̡̡̨̢̢̡̡̨̢̨̧̛̛̛̲̤̲̫̦̮̖̙͙̳͇͇̬̲͙̩̘͖͕͓̱̣̘͍̩̙̼͇̮̝̤͇͙͎̲̝͖͎͓͎̱̞͖̫̮̝̣̰̟̼̜̲̞͈̺͚̥̲̦̤̱̼̹̮̭̬̘̬͙̭͖̟̩̞̱̱̩̰̥̗͖͖̖̲̪͍̣̞͎͕̭͉̝̖̠͚͇̞̠̖̖̮̗̫͎̹̲͍̟̖̩̺̘͇̯̖͚̻̘͇̮̜̯̖͙͖̰̙̫̭̠̞̬̫̹͇̳̗̘̬͔̣̪͚͓̘̦̤͎̬̭̲͉̟͎̩̦̳̖͚̱͔͇̝̯̫̫͙͕͔͇̠̠̻̙̥̖͎̹͈͓̝͖̲͇̰̘̬̭̫͕̯̹̯̹̼͈̪̦̗̮̹̼͍͍̰̬̖̱̻̲̲̫͚̞͍͎̻̤̤͚̤̩̍̓̏̏̐̈́̈́͑̐͛̇̀̓́̑̄̓̃̎̓͋̓́͊͋͑̆̔̎̎̑̆͊͗̉͛̀̆͆̍̉̅̂̓̾͋̇̒̄̉̄̓́͌̈́̂̍̌̇̃̇́́͛̌̊̊́̋̊́̂̋͛͆́̄̿̌̑̇̆̈́̇̔̌̾̌͌̆́̌̕̚̚͘͘̚̚͘̕͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅņ̵̧̢̨̧̧̧̡̡̢̨̢̡̧̢̢̡̡̨̡̧̢̧̢̭̭͈̖̼͕̝̱̪̲̥̙̟̱͈̲̤̩̮̣͖͇̬̰̪̦̭̲̩̮͚̘͈̲̻̯͉̬͎̖̫̯̫̞̥̲̣͈̳͎͓̺͚̗̝̼̖̦̘̺̼̰͓̱̩̦̩̱͙̲̥̪̟̺̭͉̮̘͉̝͉̤̰̬̲͇͚̗̯̺̘̯̳͔̰̭͇̥͖̮̜͙̟̟̖̮̘̜̼̠͕̼͍̹̜͉̖̣̱̮͍͉͙̫̫̲̗̞͈̠̭̝͙̪̲̥͉̺͎͔̭͇̜̠̱̱̘̣͈̯̘̩͕̙̪̲̪̯̮̞̝͚̤̺͔̞̖̱͎͇̘̱̻͖̘͈̟̹̜̫̙̮͔̠̰̘͕̻̟͍̖̘͎͖̖̪͔͍̭̭̻̤̠̮̬̬̝̣̩̺̗̖̰̜͈̬͙̗̬͎̺͖̥̘̲̫͈̱͙̳͙̳̮̦̳̝̭͖̦̼͕͕̠͉͍̣̜̼̖͓̦̙̱͇̜̝͑̀͐̾̂͆̊͐̓̅̿͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅa̴̧̡̨̨̨̧̢̧̡̢̨̢̡̛̛̛͈͓̦̟͖͕̠̪̯͓̹͎͕̣̟̗̫͉̮̙̬͇͈͎̞͎̬̻̬͎̦̟͔̱̲͎̤̠̳̗̥̠̖̣͍̗̤͔̠̖̰͈̰̠͖̯̰̳̜͙̖̲̫̝͉̹̰̱̮̦͖̠̗̤̖͎̗̹̯͖̥̬̻̖̠̥̪̲̱̱̩̼͖̩̹̫͉̲̻̟̭̤̮̗̮̩̞̥͎͕̯͍͔̱̠̱̝̜̠͇̪̳̻̖̣͖͕̤̺̩̼̦̩̭̺̬͓̼̤̙̦̰̘̰̹̭̞̗̭̲͕̪͓̺͖̙̝͇̱̟̲̪̮̱͎̞̮̮͖͚̖̞̲̰̖̙̮̦̱̩͎̮̙͉͉̮̗̞͓̲̣̻̞͖͍̱̱̩̱̣̯̣͇͙͈̥̟͇̳̳̳̲̪͎̘̺͎̺͉̗͎͕̼͖̜͈̝̥͍̰͉̭̠͙̣̬̞͈̮̩̻̬̪͇͙̥͙̖̪͉̠̰̝̞̰̰͊͛͗̍̅̑̊̀̎̊͗̒̓̈́͆̅͊̅͗̔̆̑͗͆̈́̃̆̾̄̽̈́̏̌̏͊̉̿͛̂͗̉̊͒̄̍̈͒͂̎̏͒͊̃̅͒͆̀̂̑̈́̅̍̈́̈́̽͒̾̐̊̀̊̽̚̕̚͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅ** :̴̨̧̨̧̢̢̨̢̧̡̛̛̛̛̛̛̝̱̝̙̥̞̤̱̹͓͔͎̲̤̠͕͈͚̰͓̜̞̭̘̩͇͔̥͙̪̩̱̞̠̥̜͎̖͓̝͚̰̟̣̟͓̭̮̣̤͖̗͔̹̹̭̤͇̙̗̜̫̼͎̥̰̳̖̩̱͇̟̹̹̣͕̒̅̂̐̓̈͑̑̊́͆̊̔̄͋́̉͛͒̃̐̾̄̔́̉̀̓͌̈́̑̉͑̏̈́̃͌́̈͋̓̓̈̃̇̍̅̅̔͑͂̄̀͂͂̏͂̄̆̇̋̅͆̃̈́̀͂̾͛͛͛̉̄̃̊͆̂͂̿̚̕͘̕̕͘͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͝ͅ ̸̢̡̡̡̡̧̢̧̢̢̨̛̛͇͈̗̗̩̼̘̳͔͚̤͔̰͖̳̱̙̳̩͙̣̯̖̬̣̬̗͎͇̲̲̮̭̣̩͓̞̭̘͎̼̲̫̳̦̥̭̺̖̙̟̺̝͍̳̠̦͍̦̺̮͚̗͔̻̹̹̜̰̮̪̙͉̹͙̹̪̣̫̫̹̲͈͓̪̥̹̘̪̤̤̳̟͎̗̙̀̐̇̉̈̅̓̅͛̃͛̈̉̓̉̅̈́̌̒̉̄̄͂̇̓̔͐̔͂̓̃̋̌͆̅̀̈́̍̌̄̽̾͗͂̑̅̓͆̿̋̌̈͒͛̂͊̃̓̋̄̋̓̃̎̈̇̀̅̈́̾̈́͊̎̈́̍̄̈́́̌̌̽̀̑́̓͊̅̃̈́̋͑͌̕̚̕͘̚̕͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͝͠ͅͅͅͅĮ̵̧̢̡̧̧̢̡̧̧̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͍̻̻͍̯̭͈͎̯̲̳͕̜͍̰̪̟̱̫̯̜̤̜͓̥͖̲̫͙͓̜̥̯̲͉̺̯̯̜̞̫̗̥͖̼̳̜̮͔̺͕̹͈̻̪̙̪͔͖̞͕͉̜̲̗͙̖̗̞͉͍͕̱̗͙͙̣̜̲̭̱̗̮͈̬͖̪͔̼̤̲̦͎͉̱͕̺̳̲̺̗͇̟̟̰̯͚̫͇̞͍̞̪̰̣͕̜̻̖̦͚̘̫͕̫̝̟̿͛͒̒̑̌̈͛̉̌̿̀̓́̅̌͑͆̈̆͋̄̀͋̈́̆͐̋̿̍͌̈́̔̓͑͂͆͛̈̽̾͂͗̊̉͆̈́̄̅̋̃́̅̎͋̍̄̍̽̾̇͌͛̿̎̉̐̈̈̿͒̓̾̓͂̂̇̂̈́̂́̊̓́͛̈́͗̄̈́̌̋͐̔̐̒̊́̐̾͗͌͋́̂̓̆͋̈́̀̿͌̔̄̔̋̊̆͊̾͌̍̇̈́͌͗͐̂͊͊̿͂̈́́̈́̽͛̂̿̒͋͐͗̇͆̒̓͛̔̔̈́̏̒̊͒͋̏͑̌̒͌̏̽̐̊͑͗͗̈̾̈́̈̄͆̊͛̎̅̈̈́̐͌͑̎͋̊͗͛̓̓̏͂͊̌̓̏̽̋̓̒͗͒̾̏̈́̅̎̋̑̀̏̎̋͊̒́̊̽̈́̇͐̾̃̕͘̚̕̚̕̕͘͘͘̚̕̚̚̚̕͘̚͘͘͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠ͅͅţ̶̨̡̢̧̩̩͖̗̟̞̥̘̜̮̞̬̟̳̪͎̪͈̖̩͚̟̘̜͓͍̼̱̜̠̤͓͖̦̩̝̭̼͎̝̮̤͕̰̻̗̫̻̜̻͇̩̂̓̾̂́̿̇̈́̈́͗̄͆̏̓̓̌̏͌̏͗͆̿̉͐͒̍́̀̈́̏̽̇̂̌̅̉́̿͌̔̐̓̈͛̃̋͘͘͘͜͝͝͝͝ͅ'̵̢̧̡̡̢̧̨̨̛̛̛̛̖͓̤̠̠͉͍̻̦̭̮̟̮̩̘͖̯̲̟̝̗̙͎͙̲̯͎̰̤͔͍̩̘̩̲̱̙̳̤̑̇̇̇͂̓̈́̆̒̿̂̒̈́̐̀̓̈̏̍̊̄̄̈́̐͒̈́̐͋͒̒͋̉̏̾̒͐̊̂͒̈̇̃̄̈́̈́̂́̽͐̿̄͂͋̈́̾̒̋̎͂͌͊͑̽̒͋̀̉̉̅͆̄͆̂͒̎͊̎̅̉̈́̌͌̄̏͋͗̎͗̿̆͋̈́͋̈́̔͌́̓͒̃̈́͋̈́̂͛̊̌̒̿͗̇̆͊͋̃̍̒̇̆̈̅͋̂͋̒̊͐͊͆͐͛̾̈͌̾̽̎̈́̆̈͌̀͋̏̄̅̽̏̇͗̍̐͐̔̆̈́̈́̓͛̒̑̄͒̓͆̐̾̓̈́̌̐̇̿̊̓̚̚̚͘̚͘̚͘̚̚͘̕̚̕̚̕͜͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͠ͅs̷̢̢̡̛̛̛̛̛͎͚̣̤͓̗̙͎̲̑̽̓͆͋̎̔̆͊͗͂̎̑͌̈́͂̈́̊̌̍͒́̄̐̽̊̀̄͌̀̃̆͆̌̽́̔͌̿͌͑̐̍̅͆̊̄͌͆̾̉̈̄̈́̋͗͆̐̃͐̐͛̍̀̔͑̄̋̆͛̇͗̍̄̄͂̀̇̅̃͛͋͗̈́̐̒̈͂͒̌͐̋́̉̓̈̾̋̊̓̃̒̈́̾̽̊̇̓͗̃̉̑̄͆̃́̀̏̌̇̃̈́̿̏͋͂̃͛̍̓̏̐̐̏͊̂̈́̀̍̀̈́͑̍̔̑͋͛͂̈̓͗́̏̈́͂̉̃̒̊̆͛̏̇̽̇̃̾̍̇̂̔̎̏͂̓͊́̒̄́̔̊̈́̅̈́̈̂̐̍͒͂̀̐̅̌̈̽͑̆͌͒͛̓̀̿̂̎̄̈́̈́́̆͋͌̿͑̍̎̈́͑̋̽͑͊̉̽͛̐̆͋͒̔͘̕̕͘̕͘͘̕̕̕̚̚͘̕̚̕͘͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͝͝ ̶̢̢̢̧̡̢̧̢̡̡̢̢̧̢̧̢̢̨̧̧̧̛̛̺̤̲̹̬̲̟̠̺̫̣͔̻̯̭̩͓̦͚̩̣̭̩͖̩̥͕̫͍̩̥͕̦͍̠̘̣͚̞͓͙͍̖̥̱̤͎̳̭̘̝̭̠͖̖͓͚̳͕͕̩̭̯̟̥̙̹̥̗̣̥͕̱̭̬̩͎̗̬̭̥̻̟̼̞̭͓̘͈̭͍̳̖̮̤̲̮̜͚̠͚̻̪̗̺̬̞̘͎̲͔̙̣̹̰̹̗̠̩̼͇͚͉̣̙̩̦̰͈̖͚̖̗̟͖̦̪͕͍͚͙̗̤̺̫̹̝͇̙͍̣̞̰̟͉͎͔̋̈́̏̈́͗͋̌͌̈́̑̓̒̾͑̊͑͂͛͗͒̈́̆͋̔͗̃́̃̉̆̿̈́̿̍̑̍̊̍̓͋͊͗͒̾̅̓̐̉͌̈́̆̾̔͒̾͗̌́͆̊̋̿̓̄̋̆̆̋̑̅̇̅̔̾̽̃́̀̚̕͘̚̚͘͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅą̶̡̧̢̧̡̢̧̨̡̧̧̧̨̧̧̛̛̛̛̛̛͖̬͈̜͕̬͍̭̦͎̰͍̼͇̩͉̙͎̫͍̭͇̬͚͍͓͍̬̹͚͔͇͍̦̼̣̖̥̯̭͈̺͍̺̯͉͕͖̥̺̯̭̗̠͓̩̠͍̭͕͔̼͉̮̠̥͈̱̠͈͕̣̫͈͚͓̦̻͖͖͔̩̥̖̹̱̤̳͔̩͎͉̘̦̱̭̮̯̮̱̣͇̫̦̩͍̫̝͂̂̎̎̾̊̇̒͊̉͊̒̈̎͂̿͑̉̿͛̅͌͐̾͛̾̃͐̈́̊̎͗̉̓͒͗̃̃͐͗̿̃͋͌̃̿̈́̎̂̊̓͌͛͗̎̀̓̊̏̓̈̿̅̈́̔͐̎͒͂̊̽̋̂͛̽́̐̒̇̅̔̉̈́̐̀̃̐̇̂̑̿̒͆̓̋̌̎͂̒͂̑̈́͆͋͊̇̀̂̒̆́̓͌̿̉̏̃̍̽̏̂̓͐̃̆̒̋̍͋͂̍͋̆̃̑͂́͌̐̉͐͌̾͐͒̏̔̇̋̊̎͂̾̑́̍͊̾̏͊̃̃̌̃̇̇̊̅̉͋̃͋̐̓̂̊̉̑̊̋̕̚͘̚͘̚̚̕̚̕̚̕͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͠͝͠͠͝͝b̷̛̳͊̓͐͊̈́͊̄̈́̊̑͒̌̋̿̎̔̈́̑͑͐́̈́̋͂̓̕͘͠͠͝͝͝ơ̸̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͚̜̹͌̽͂̾͗̄͌̏͋̄̋̈́̍̀̈́͛̒̉̍͌̌̾̽̌̈́͋̓̅͂͑̂͛͊́̈́̌̑̈́̈́̇̃͐̿̒̽͐̈̇̆̀́̇̆͌̄̄̿͐̌̂̈́̃̂͐̐̒̾͂̂̌̑̈́̉̆̽̀̓̒̿̊͐̈́̊̂͑̐͂͆̈̇̇͑̈́͗̒͛̍̈́̒͂̈̆̎͂̈̋͂̓̉͆̂̔̌͋̑͑̋̓̈́̈́͆͆̂̈̋̈͑̋̾͘͘̕̕͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ṳ̶̢̡̡̡̢̨̧̨̨̨̨̧̧̨̧̧̢̧̨̧̢̡̨̢̢̡̢̣̹̜̣̥̠̦̲͚͍̱͕̼̠͍̹͖̹̜̻̻̥̤̻̯͍̰̪̝̖̯̪̻̤͍̠̫͚̥̺͚̞̩̜͙̯͈̭͇̟̩̣̣̝̣̯̥͖̤̖̱͇͇̹̥̠̳͔̯̟̮̙̙͉̘͖͚͙̻̪̼͎̹̯̹̲̫͈͉̘̱͎̦͓͈̗̱͔̲̹̫̼̥̦̬̜̻̗̻̝͈͍̞̲̯̩̮̥̙̯̺̩̲͕̰̺͚̻͎͉̥̙̰̬̪̻͍̰͙̱̱͎̰̼̮͙̤͚̘̙͇̦̦͚͇̰̭̰̯̼͓͕̖̠̥̜̭̹̹̺̻̺̫̦͖̬̮̲̠̹̯̖̥͔̮̼̗̪͉͈̫͍͕̪̘̯͚̼͎̺̲̖͚̓̏͐̌̄̈̈̎̓͂̐͐̾̇̔̿̄͌͆̑̾͆͛̄̒̓͑̀̃͂̈́͐͗̀̊̍͋̊̌̿̒̏̐͆̓̎̈͂̃̈͛̈́͂̍͒̎́̎̈́̓͒̄̃̑̒̓̃̄̍̏͗͐̎̅͗͊̉͗͂͛̈́͋̃͆̐̌̂̈́̂̒͋͛̀̍͊̽͋̾̈́͒͛͆͋̈́̒̃̿͛͋͑̔̈̍̓͐̆̈́̽͐̌͂͂̍͋͑̇̌͑̑̀̃̊̈́̇̂͑̒̄̉̿̾̇̊̏͒̋͂͒͗̑̒̈͘̕͘̚̚͘̚͘̕̕̚͘̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͠͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅt̶̛̼̳̤͇̺͎̹͗͒̈́̍̉̈́̒̌̽͋͐̃̌̽͊̅̐͌͊̆̈͂̕͝ ̷̨̡̡̨̧̡̡̧̧̺̼͖͉͎͉͎͔̳͔͙̼̞͓̻̜͍̥͕͖̦̘͉̪̫͕̘̖͍̹͍͇̪̠̺̱̭̳̯͇̫͍̼̦̣̹̙̞͖̗̦̥͚͍̻̩͇̰̞̟̉̈͌͛͋̔̇̈́̇̑͋̀̀̾̎̏̾͋̔͗̍͑̅̇̑͊̆̏̐̆͘̕̕̚̚͜͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅt̶̢̨̢̧̢̧̢̨̡̨̢̢̧̨̡̧̢̧̢̨̢̨̢̡̡̡̛̛̟̙̖̲̘̝͍̼͎̹̲̯̝̜͕̣̠̼̩͇̺̲̼̝̱͖̪̗͈͔̠̮̠͕̩͙̠̗̫̣͇̩̙̻̪̺̝͉͈͉̠͖͕͍̦̟̲̭̞̠̪̙̦̼̘̯͍̞̭̲̥͚̮̯̙̺̦̯̣̖͉̰̗̲̦̱̫̯̟̮̮̠͇͙̱̞̺̘̳̪̦̹̰͔̬̲̦̱̗͍͚̲̼̜̪̞̫̤͇̟̩̫̱̳̖̺͙͍̤̠̺̝̱̞̲͈̯̯̲͕͍̹̖̲̹̤̯̙̘̰͎̙̟̳̣̫̫̘̙̯͔̲̻͚̠̩̝̜̱̞̬͎̠͉̰̞̯͉̹͓̫̖̟̘͎͙̱̞͔̮̠̳̳̹̤͎̜̜̫̻͔̘̘͈̳̣͉̲̤̤̜̟̘̱͚̜͖̣̱̺̣̮̱̮͇̱̩͚̩̗̭̫̬͍̖͚͕̦͔̘̪̜͉̺̥̳͚͍̜̫͉̗̣͙̝̦̠̎̅̏̆̋̆̓̏̓̿͗̈́͌̈́̆͛̊͐͂͛́̃̈́̄̒͛͋̏̒̈͒̍̓͗̆̍̀̇͐͆̈́̿̂͒̈͌̎̃̾͗͂̇̎̂̈̂̇͒̎̉̎̈́̉̓̾̅̋͋͘̚͘͘̚̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͝͠ͅͅͅį̵̡̧̧̢̨̡̨̢̢̡̡̡̡̢̨̡̨̨̛̛̛̛͚̤͎͎̳͇͚̞͍̻̙̞̝̬͕̩̺̫͕̲͍̰̜̼̺̩͖̳̳̼͔̱͙̻͕̖̘̯̞̠͖̦̥̥̖͕͎͙̠̱͔͎̙͈̤͎͈̞͔̩͎̰͓̣͎̥̠̺̗̙̤̜͔̙̜̪͈̤̹̠̠̺͖̰̻͔̺͖̘̥̘̠͈̬͍͚̖̪̳̭̣͇̦̣͙͈͈͔͍̳̳͕͚̭͖̖̹̙̠̮̬̫͕̗͇̪̫̥̱͙̗͚͖̼̬͇̻̮͕̞͔̖̳̹͉̖̲̳̘͈̮͖͇̣̘͈̙͓̩̦̟̤̫͔̼̘̗̪͖̩̘̳̥̜̱̠̙͚̥̩̦͇̮̟͖̪͖͓̰̭̫̳̝̫̰͎͈͍̬͍̲̺̻͚͓͈̮͙̰̥̰̦̻̩̻̺͙̩͕̺̙̠̤̣͖̣͔̩̝̣̼͔͕̫͇̜͍̫̺̘̣̖̪͔̻̖̻͔͓̼͔͉͓̞̙̬͖̹̱͚̯͇͓̯̞̩̔̄͊̿́̎̒͂̆͆̽͆̋̑̑̔̐̓͌̌̿̈́͛̒̊̏̈́͂̐͊͌̅͌̏̃̄̈̽̿͛͛̌͊̅̉͑͌̄͛͛̾͑̉͊̃̈́́̓̄̎̎̏͒̿͌̀͐͂̈́̈́͛͂̒̑̌̋̉̀́̓́̋͌̈́̌̄̂͂̆̓͛̽̆̓̂̀͊̾̄͌͆̉͋̍̊͊͑̽̏̓́͒̏̾͒͊̄̓̃̑̈́̀̅͋̾̃̾̾̏͋͆͌̾̑͗̊͒͋̍̉̑͐̓̃͋͌̎̈̂̓̏͋̽̾̌̉̿͆̑̂̓̋̉̃̋͑̽͐̌̾̆̓͑͌̑̈͒̄̈́͘͘͘̚̚͘̕͘̚̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͠͝͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͠ͅͅm̴̡̢̛̛̛͈̗͔̝͚̤͇͍̦̳̻̜̱̰̬̤̤̼̙͈̦̟̻̙̠͋̓͒̐̿̂̏͛̑͗̋̆̒͑̓̄͛͑̂͗̿̓̒̔̏̌̆͒̅̔͗́̾̑͒̀̀̃̃͋̋̈́̏̊̏̾͐̈́̈́̄̏̃̓͒͂͆͋̏͛̎̋͗̂̊̄͌̂͑͒̀͑̈̈́̉̔̀̀͗̎̑̎̃̀̓̀̀͆͑̎̂̓̈́͌̄̐̆̑͛̂̃͆̑̃͛̔̄͆̓͛͋̓̆͐̓͌̒̂̿͌̂̈̔̈͛̽̃̓̌̽̆͌͘̕̚͘̚͝͝͠͝͝͝͝e̴̢̢̨̨̢̡͕̙̬̙̹̱̹͙̟̬̮̮͍̙͉̘̪͖̣̤͇̣̱̣̙̬͈̯̘̝͖̣̦̖̥͎̜̤̞̰̞̲͕̟̜̠̖̯̯͙͕͍͙̝̲̣̣͇̻̞̪̩̤̘͓͙̙̣̩̝̮̞͇̩̝̙̲̱̱͔͎͓͕̖̫̓͗̐̽̌̇̈͒̎͛̀͐̇̇̍̑̾̆̂͒̿̅͗̔̈́̒̔̇͒̌̅̔̐̂̔͊̿̏̒̆̈́̇̊̽̃̀̋͛̇̈̿̍͘̚̚̚̕̕̚̕̕̕̚̚͝ͅ.̸̨̨̧̡̨̧̨̢̢̨̧̨̢̧̡̧̡̧̢̢̡̧̧̢̢̧̨̛̛͓͈̣̳̳͉͔̠̼̺̤̻̮̪͍̲̖͚͕͎̙̮̟̠̪̻̜͖͈̮̞̪͈̘̞̦̣͍̭͖̻͕͖̻̩͍̳͙̭̫̠͔͈͕̤̼̦͉͇̭̰͔̥̫͍̪̦̯͈̳̲̺͖͚̬̼̭̺̻̦͓̦̘͔̫͈͓͇̺̗̺̤͚̼͈̠̻̗͈̮̥̝̠̘͍̼̻̝͚̫̗̫̫͇̬̫̝͍͔͚̤̮̤̠̞̫̤̯̫̖̖̭̞̱͖̬̘̪̲̘̩̗̖̜̦̘̙͈͇̺̙͙̮̫̳̜̝̝̹͈̰̗̪̤͍̙̣̲̪̲̪̣͉͇̳̱̘̲̥̲̳͍̯͉̞̖̦̩̯̘̪͓̼̹̪̙̦̟̱̤̫̗͇̞̹̙̫͓̥̼̯̻̥̹̲̼̗͈̼̘͇̭̭͎̳͕̙̱̘̪̲̠̖̮̮̝̦̭̘̤̲̥̐̃͌͐̍̌̀̈̄̉͑̿̏͂͌̔̍͂̿͂̅͛̀͌͒̎̉͊̓̌͑̎̈́̃̿͊̈́͐̈́͊̇̅̋̇͊̈́͆̀̅͒̀͛̃͐̓̾͗͊̓̈́̎̓̓̄͒̇̾̓̌̌̒́̄̈͛̊̃̒̄͑͑͗̓͊͌̀̈́̊̕̚̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅ

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

XXX

 

**[Ｄｕｅ░ｔｏ░ｔｈｅ░ｅｖｅｎｔｓ░ｉｎ░ｔｈｅ░ｃｈａｔ，░ｎｏ░ｏｎｅ░ｗｉｌｌ░ｂｅ░ａｌｌｏｗｅｄ░ｔｏ░ｍａｋｅ░ｆａｎｃｙ░ｔｅｘｔｓ░ｉｎ░ｃｈａｔ．░Ｔｈｉｓ░ｗｉｌｌ░ｂｒｅａｋ░ｔｈｅ░ｓｙｓｔｅｍ░ａｎｄ░Ｉ░ｈａｖｅ░ｔｏ░ｒｅｓｅｔ░ｉｔ．░Ｐｌｅａｓｅ，░ｆｏｒ░ｔｈｅ░ｌｏｖｅ░ｏｆ░ｇｏｄ，░ｓｔｏｐ░ｒｕｉｎｉｎｇ░ｔｈｉｓ░ｃｈａｔ．░－Ｗｉｎｓｔｏｎ]**

  
**Sombra:** FUCK YOU, YOU HYPOCRITE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://lingojam.com/
> 
> :). Sorry for all the headaches.


	49. HIS NAME IS RAJAH!

**Hana:** @Jesse Rajah ate your hat.

 

**Jesse:** WHAT!?

**Jesse:** I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT HAT FOR HOURS!!

 

**Hanzo:** How did you find it?

 

**Hana:** Rajah took a huge dump in the middle of the living room.

 

**Jesse:** Oh…

**Jesse:** I can get a new hat…

 

**Ashe:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

**Jesse:** SHUT UP!

 

**Angela:** Hey, back off from my soul sister!

 

**Jesse:** UGH!!

 

**Hanzo:** @Satya your friend left us a gift…

 

**Satya:** Oh.

**Satya:** Rajah can’t help it. If he needs to go, he has to go.

 

**Jack:** RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM??

**Jack:** JESUS CHRIST SATYA WE CAN’T JUST LET THIS HAPPEN.

 

**Satya:** It just did though…

 

**Ana:** She has a point.

 

**Angela:** Can’t you toilet train the tiger?

 

**Satya:** His name is Rajah.

 

**Angela:** Can’t you toilet train Rajah?

**Angela:** Or at least get him to do it outside?

 

**Widowmaker:** Yeah, Dr. Ziegler, why don’t you just ask Rajah to go to the bathroom outside? 

**Widowmaker:** Seems easy enough.

**Widowmaker:** *eye rolls*

 

**Angela:** Okay, wow.

**Angela:** I’m not responsible for Rajah.

 

**Jesse:** Yeah! You tell her, Angie!

 

**Satya:** We already have a bunch of shit all over the base, so what’s the difference?

 

**Widowmaker:** Good point.

 

**Hana:** No one shits all over the base…

 

**Lena:** YEAH

 

**Lúcio:** Wait a second…

**Lúcio:** Are you saying ‘we’, as in everyone on the base, are the ‘shit’??

 

**Satya:** Took you a while.

 

**Lúcio:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Lena:** OI OI OI!!!

 

**Angela:** I do not expect this behavior from you, Satya…

 

**Jesse:** OOOF

 

**Ashe:** That was brutal.

 

**Hana:** @SOMBRA!

 

**Sombra:** Yes babe?

 

**Hana:** RELEASE THEM!

 

**Sombra:** Of course.

 

**Satya:*texts photo***

**Satya:*texts photo***

**Satya:*texts photo***

**Satya:*texts photo***

**Satya:*texts photo***

 

**Widowmaker:** Very mature, Hana…

 

**Satya:** I’m not really surprised it has come to this.

 

**Jesse:** Okay, we have all seen Angela wearing a butt plug with a tail on it so seeing Satya roleplaying in bed as Nadia Satrinava from that game, The Arcana, isn’t that bad.

 

**Angela:** Fuck you, Jesse.

 

**Jesse:** Tee hee.

 

**Hana:** That’s a really fun game btw

 

**Widowmaker:** It is.

**Widowmaker:** I like Nadia’s route.

 

**Hanzo:** We can tell with Satya straddling you in the picture dressed as Nadia…

 

**Widowmaker:** What can I say?

**Widowmaker:** I have a weakness for perfection.

 

**Satya:** <3

 

**Widowmaker:** <3

 

**Sombra:** You were a lot more fun before you started dating Satya…

 

**Widowmaker:** Talon was a lot more fun without you.

 

**Sombra:** It was a lot more fun without @Moira.

 

**Widowmaker:** That we can agree.

 

**Reaper:** Ditto

 

**Doomfist:** Agreed

 

**Moira:** Fuck you…

 

**Sombra:** Fuck yourself.

 

**Moira:** I already am.

 

**Angela:** Ugh…

 

**Jack:** This is great and all but someone needs to clean up the tiger’s mess.

 

**Satya:** His name is Rajah.

 

**Widowmaker:** Just call our child, Rajah.

 

**Angela:** You’re barely even on the base...how can you even call the tiger as your child when you’re not here to take care of him.

 

**Widowmaker:** HIS NAME IS RAJAH!

 

**Satya:** He has a name…

 

**Lúcio:** His name is ‘The Shitty Cat’

 

**Brigitte:** CAT?

 

**Satya:** Mature…

 

**Lúcio:** That thing hates me

 

**Satya:** Oh, I can’t imagine why…

**Satya:** Actually, I think it’s because Rajah has good intuition about people and knows who are annoying ruffians and who are good people at heart.

**Satya:** He takes after his mother.

 

**Lúcio:** Poor tiger….

 

**Satya:** His name is Rajah.

 

**Lúcio:** His name is ‘Dumbass Cat Can’t Shit Outside’

 

**Brigitte:** CAT?

 

**Hana:** NYAH!

 

**Sombra:** MEOW!

 

**Angela:** Satya, since you own him. You should clean up his mess.

 

**Satya:** First of all, I don’t ‘own’ him. He is my child and he is free to do what he wants.

**Satya:** Second, I can’t either way.

**Satya:** This brings up a situation.

**Satya:** I found my arm in pieces.

**Satya:** So I’m missing my arm.

 

**Sombra:** @Moira

 

**Moira:** STOP TAGGING ME IN THESE FUCKING POINTLESS ACCUSATIONS!!!

 

**Angela:** We’re just trying to cover all the bases.

 

**Widowmaker:** The fact you started yelling in chat already confirms my suspicion about you.

 

**Moira:** Yes, Widowmaker. I walked all the way to the Overwatch base and took Satya’s arm off, broke it, and walked back.

 

**Widowmaker:** So you admit it’s you?

 

**Moira:** NO!

 

**Jesse:** You seem pretty suspicious…

 

**Fareeha:** When is she not suspicious?

 

**Angela:** Where have you been, honey?

 

**Fareeha:** Wrestling with Genji.

 

**Brigitte:** Did you win?

 

**Fareeha:** Of course I won

**Fareeha:** That fucker can’t even lift me.

 

**Genji:** NO WOMAN SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOKE ME THAT HARD!!

 

**Angela:** Choke me, Fareeha.

 

**Fareeha:** Why? Have you been a naughty girl?

 

**Angela:** Yes I have~

 

**Hana:** DO YOU TWO REALLY NEED TO DO IT ON THE CHAT????

 

**Satya:** Does anyone know what happened to my broken arm?

 

**Lúcio:** Maybe your ‘Pooping Cat’ ate it and threw it back up.

 

**Brigitte:** CAT?

 

**Satya:** It’s clearly been ruined by some impact made upon it.

**Satya:** And it’s not wet with saliva.

 

**Lúcio:** Well, why would you even take it off and leave it with a bunch of ‘shit’ like us??

 

**Satya:** I thought you guys were decently smart enough not to touch my things.

 

**Hana:** That’s the nicest thing you have ever said about us.

 

**Lena:** Wow, Satya has a heart?

 

**Satya:** I’m not cold-hearted.

 

**Widowmaker:** You guys just never gave her a chance.

 

**Jack:** We did.

**Jack:** Now we have a tiger on base.

 

**Satya:** You’re welcome.

 

**Genji:** Rajah bit my arm a couple of times so you can’t rule out that beast.

 

**Hanzo:** You threw your arm at him to make him play fetch…

 

**Satya:** Oh…

**Satya:** So you’re the one you taught him to fetch.

**Satya:** Thank you for that.

 

**Genji:** No problem!

 

**Ana:** Can someone please clean up the mess in the living room?

 

**Angela:** @Moira

 

**Fareeha:** @Moira

 

**Widowmaker:** @Moira

 

**Satya:** @Moira

**Lúcio:** @Satya

 

**Hana** @Moira

 

**Moira:** ENOUGH

 

**Doomfist:** Just clean it.

 

**Reaper:** It’s not that hard.

 

**Moira:** Why do I have to clean up that vermin’s shit??

 

**Satya:** HIS NAME IS RAJAH YOU PATHETIC BALL ZAPPING LITTLE COWARD BITCH!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh baby, you know I love it when you start getting angry~

 

**Sombra:** What?

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Doomfist:** What?

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Reaper:** What?

 

**Widowmaker:** What?

 

**Moira:** Jesus…

**Moira:** Okay, I’ll clean it.

**Moira:** Be there in five.

 

**Widowmaker:** Was that so hard, Moira?

 

**Moira:** Yeah. It was.

 

**Satya:** Now that we have that settled, what happened to my broken arm?

 

**Genji:** Someone broke it.

 

**Satya:** Yes, that has been established.

 

**Fareeha:** Is it really important?

 

**Satya:** Do you need your arms to fuck Dr. Ziegler every night?

**Satya:** If the answer is yes, then you have your answer.

 

**Angela:** ...

 

**Fareeha:** Okay then…

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh yes baby, I love that sassy side of you.

 

**Hana:** Sugar mom, you’re on the chat…

 

**Widowmaker:** And?

**Widowmaker:** You have two gfs eating you all night and I can’t appreciate my woman?

 

**Satya:** <3

 

**Widowmaker:** <3

 

**Jesse:** For once, just to get this off the table, I didn’t break anything for the past week.

 

**Hanzo:** I can vouch for him.

**Hanzo:** He really hasn’t broken a single thing all week.

 

**Ashe:** That’s a miracle.

 

**Angela:** It really is…

 

**Satya:** I don’t trust Jesse but I do respect Hanzo’s words.

 

**Hanzo:** You know I stake my words upon my honor.

 

**Satya:** That is true.

 

**Genji:** SDKGHLKSDJHFGKLJDSHGKDKGJF

**Genji:** WHAT HONOR???

 

**Hanzo:** Fuck you.

 

**Jack:** Why don’t you drop it and have either Mei or Brigitte rebuild your arm?

 

**Satya:** Why don’t you drop dead again and mind your own business unless you have something helpful to say? 

**Satya:** It’s not like you haven’t dropped dead before.

 

**Ana:** KDJAHGKLGJHLDKJFHGLKJSDFGHDSKF

**Ana:** I MEAN SHE’S NOT WRONG!

 

**Jack:** Ok….going to back out now…

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh fuck, honey….that was so good.

**Widowmaker:** I felt chills down my spine.

 

**Lena:** Calm your tah tahs Widowmaker

 

**Widowmaker:** Stop masturbating to a picture of me.

 

**Lena:** kjhsdglkjhlkdhsfkj

**Lena:** WHAT I DON’T DO THAT!!!!!

 

**Emily:** Lena….

 

**Lena:** OH NOW YOU GET ON THE CHAT????

 

**Emily:** So you’re the one who took that picture???

**Emily:** I thought I lost that picture...

 

**Lena:** WHAT!!!

 

**Sombra:** LMFAO

 

**Lena:** DID YOU SHOW WIDOWMAKER A VIDEO OF ME SHAGGING MYSELF TO HER PICTURE?????

 

**Sombra:** You filmed yourself.

**Sombra:** Anything you guys put on your phones is basically mine to use.

 

**Lena:** THAT’S AN INVASION OF PRIVACY

 

**Sombra:** Privacy is not in my vocabulary.

 

**Emily:** Babe, you should realize that your privacy was voided the moment Sombra made herself known.

 

**Lena:** WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOU SHAGGING IT ON WITH WIDOWMAKER’S PICTURE!!!

 

**Emily:** I admit it. I do it sometimes.

 

**Lena:** Okay, as long as you admit it. :)

 

**Emily:** Want to do it together next time?

 

**Lena:** oooo spicy~~

 

**Hana:** HEY THERE IS A THING CALLED PRIVATE MESSAGING

**Hana:** IT’S NOT ANY BETTER WITH SOMBRA AROUND BUT IT’S BETTER THAN EXPOSING IT TO US!

 

**Sombra:** That is true.

 

**Angela:** And you say Fareeha and I are bad…

 

**Hana:** You two are the worst.

 

**Fareeha:** RUDE

 

**Satya:** I’m glad we established that my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m so lucky to have her.

**Satya:** But I still want to know who broke my arm.

 

**Jesse:** You and me both, girl.

 

**Fareeha:** I don’t think the person is going to admit they broke your arm…

 

**Satya:** I guess you’re right.

**Satya:** But it’s a big deal to me.

**Satya:** Breaking my arm is like breaking a part of me.

**Satya:** If anyone has a missing limb, they would understand.

 

**Genji:** No, I get it.

 

**Jesse:** Same.

 

**Angela:** I’ve treated patients with missing limbs and it’s always hard to watch them come to terms to their missing limb.

 

**Ana:** It’s hard.

 

**Fareeha:** Okay it was me.

 

**Satya:** ...

 

**Jesse:** Okay...plotwise…

 

**Moira:** OH THANK FUCK SOMEONE CONFESSED!!

 

**Fareeha:** Let me explain…

**Fareeha:** I thought it was Genji’s arm…

**Fareeha:** And he broke my rocket launcher…

**Fareeha:** So I wanted to get back at him….

**Fareeha:** I didn’t check if it was yours or his, I just assumed it was his…

**Fareeha:** I’m really really really sorry and I was being stupid and dumb.

**Fareeha:** I’ll never do it again, even if Genji breaks my stuff again!

**Fareeha:** I’m super sorry, Satya!

 

**Satya:** …

 

**Angela:** Satya, I would gladly repair the arm.

 

**Fareeha:** And I can help!

 

**Hana:** No, you’re dead, Fareeha.

**Hana:** I just heard Satya running down to your room.

 

**Fareeha:** Oh shit…

 

**Angela:** Babe run, I just saw turrets flying to our room!

 

**Fareeha:** OH SHIT

 

**Genji:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FAREEHA THIS IS FOR ALL THE TIMES YOU HAVE FUCKING TRIED TO KILL ME!!!

 

**Angela:** EXCUSE ME BUT YOU BROKE FAREEHA’S ROCKET LAUNCHER??

 

**Genji:** Oh yeah….I did that…

 

**Angela:** ...

 

**Jesse:** Run.

 

**Genji:** ALREADY AM!

 

**Hana:** You know it’s a bad day if Fareeha is being punished.

 

**Lena:** That’s true.

 

**Lúcio:** Poor Fareeha.

 

**Moira:** WHAT ABOUT POOR ME?? I HAVE TO CLEAN UP THIS CAT’S SHIT!!

 

**Brigitte:** CAT?

 

**Widowmaker:** HIS 

 

**Satya:** NAME

 

**Widowmaker:** IS

  
**Satya:** RAJAH!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to write more WidowSym moments... :)
> 
> Holy shit guys, I'm almost at 50 chapters...any suggestions on what to do for my 50th chapter?


	50. "Vacation"

**Jack:** How is it that you guys are incapable of escorting a payload?

 

**Jesse:** What payload?

 

**Genji:** There’s a payload?

 

**Fareeha:** I thought we were supposed to blow up stuff

 

**Angela:** Oh so that’s why we are here

 

**Hana:** Wait so we aren’t getting ice cream??

 

**Jesse:** No we are right?

 

**Hanzo:** No…??

 

**Jesse:** I’m confused...

 

**Satya:** I’m not even surprised at this point.

 

**Sombra:** Oh…

**Sombra:** Were we supposed to stop that payload?

 

**Reaper:** WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING???

 

**Sombra:** Getting ice cream with my bae

**Sombra:** No idea where the grumpy meatball is…

 

**Brigitte:** WELL EXCUSE ME THAT SOME OF US ONLY GOT 2 HOURS OF SLEEP

**Brigitte:** AND DON’T WANT TO BE A CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF THIS STUPID TEAM!

 

**Hana:** Oof

**Hana:** grumpy Brigitte alert

 

**Sombra:** Roast me, mommy.

 

**Brigitte:** Shut up noodle leg

 

**Sombra:** Nooo

**Sombra:** Not that kind of roast

 

**Genji:** Roast me, Brigitte,

 

**Brigitte:** Shut up and stop clapping your metal ass cheeks for ten minutes and let me think.

**Brigitte:** You’re so fucking annoying that I prefer listening to Mushu talk about honor for hours than hear you need a fucking kiss on your boo boo

 

**Genji:** Ah, a quality roast

 

**Jack:** We also have a payload to escort….

 

**Winston:** YOU MEAN THE ONE THAT I BEEN SITTING MY ASS ON FOR THE PAST 20 MINUTES?

**Winston:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, JACK?

 

**Hana:** Probably fucking Reaper

 

**Jack:** ACTUALLY NO I AM NOT

 

**Reaper:** Jack, unlike you buffoons, has a job to command you idiots through a mission

**Reaper:** The least you can do is listen to him

 

**Jack:** THANK YOU GABE!

 

**Reaper:** Of course

**Reaper:** Now please move aside so I can shoot the monkey

**Reaper:** I don’t like shooting you.

 

**Jack:** Of course, I’ll get out of your way.

 

**Reaper:** Thank you

 

**Winston:** ?????

**Winston:** WHAT????

**Winston:** FUCK THIS!

 

**Hammond:** What’s the point of Overwatch and Talon fighting when Reaper and Jack are like this?

 

**Hana:** It’s foreplay for them

 

**Reaper:** WOULD YOU SHOOT SOMBRA?!

 

**Hana:** No but I’ll let her fuck me

 

**Sombra:** Hell yah!

 

**Brigitte:** I’ll shoot Sombra

**Brigitte:** If it means that annoying noodle leg will stop whispering Spanish in my ears when I'm trying to fucking nap

 

**Sombra:** You like it, don’t lie.

 

**Brigitte:** Yeah in bed and when I’m about to rally my way inside of you

**Brigitte:** Not when I want to escape to the sweet relief of sleep.

 

**Sombra:** I’ll let you sleep when I let you

 

**Hana:** Which won’t be soon

 

**Brigitte:** I will get angry

 

**Sombra:** And your rally is amazing when you’re angry

 

**Hana:** So fucking amazing

 

**Brigitte:** lgslkgjlskjlkgj

**Brigitte:** Stooooop

**Brigitte:** You guys are making me giggle

 

**Sombra:** Good, now you’re in a better mood

 

**Hana:** Come have ice cream with us!

 

**Brigitte:** Fine, okay

 

**Lena:** You guys seem to have a very exciting sex life

 

**Lúcio:** Whose sex life do we not know at this point?

 

**Jesse:** Hanzo has sensitive nipples

**Jesse:** And he loves hair pulling

 

**Hanzo:** Ah…

**Hanzo:** Um…

**Hanzo:** Yeah...

 

**Genji:** Okay okay stop

**Genji:** I don’t want to know this.

 

**Angela:** Fareeha has sensitive ears

**Angela:** And loves being spanked

 

**Fareeha:** Fuck yeah I do

 

**Ana:** Stop it

 

**Fareeha:** Deal with it.

 

**Reinhardt:** Ana pegs me

 

**Jesse:** Respect, man

 

**Hana:** That is a real man!

 

**Lúcio:** Yeah Rein!

 

**Fareeha:** Okay can we stop??

 

**Ana:** Deal with it, you fucking little shit.

 

**Angela:** Rude!

 

**Lena:** OI

**Lena:** Mei and Zarya!

**Lena:** @Mei @Zarya what’s your sex life like??

 

**Genji:** Zarya tops, duh

 

**Zarya:** No, I bottom.

 

**Genji:** Oh…

 

**Angela:** Good for you girl.

 

**Jesse:** Fuck off, Genji

**Jesse:** Don’t fucking assume

 

**Genji:** My bad. 

**Genji:** Sheesh

 

**Mei:** She also power bottoms

 

**Hana:** Ok ok

**Hana:** I can respect that

 

**Moira:** What the fuck are you guys talking about in this chat?

 

**Jesse:** Couples’ sex lives

 

**Moira:** Why do I even bother?

**Moira:** No this is good

**Moira:** Now no one is on the payload.

 

**Jesse:** What payload?

 

**Jack:** THE ONE YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE ESCORTING!!!!

 

**Angela:** How about no?

**Angela:** We’re in Rialto

**Angela:** Italy of all places

**Angela:** We need a vacation.

 

**Ana:** You just want to run off and bend over for Fareeha

 

**Fareeha:** I’m waiting, baby~

 

**Angela:** ~I’m coming

**Angela:** Well, Reinhardt seems to want to run off with you too

 

**Ana:** Oh?

 

**Reinhardt:** There is a lovely hotel I know around here….

 

**Ana:** Well okay then

**Ana:** See yah, everyone.

 

**Jack:** Oh my god

**Jack:** Why are you guys like this?

 

**Winston:** OH WOW YOU JUST NOTICED!?

 

**Doomfist:** Calm down, Winston.

 

**Winston:** Don’t tell me to calm down!

 

**Doomfist:** You seem a bit angry over there.

 

**Winston:** Why do you care??

 

**Doomfist:** I’m just trying to be nice.

 

**Winston:** Oh

**Winston:** Okay

**Winston:** Thank you

 

**Doomfist:** Come, my friend

**Doomfist:** Let's go get a drink or something

**Doomfist:** Get away from our failing groups.

 

**Winston:** Really?

**Winston:** Even after I defeated you and put you in jail?

 

**Doomfist:** It’s in the past!

**Doomfist:** Besides, I need a drink

 

**Jesse:** Me too

 

**Ashe:** Hey, you guys in Rialto?

**Ashe:** I’m in Rialto!

 

**Jesse:** Aw no…

 

**Angela:** Aw yay!

 

**Genji:** ASSHHHEEE!!

**Genji:** Come hang with us!

 

**Ashe:** Sure!

**Ashe:** I would love to hang!

 

**Jesse:** Well this vacation is ruined.

 

**Hanzo:** We’re on vacation??

 

**Jack:** NO

**Jack:** You guys aren’t!

 

**Fareeha:** I thought we were?

 

**Hana:** We are!

 

**Lúcio:** We’re going to head to the beach!

 

**Emily:** Noice

 

**Jack:** Is Emily here??

 

**Lena:** Yeah, I took her along!

 

**Jack:** Did you hide her in the orca??

 

**Emily:** Yeee, I’m small enough

 

**Hana:** Now it’s a vacation!

 

**Jack:** We're supposed to be escorting a payload!

 

**Angela:** A what?

 

**Jesse:** What’s that?

 

**Genji:** A paye lawd?

 

**Fareeha:** Never heard of it

 

**Ashe:** Bitch, I brought booze

 

**Jesse:** Oh fuck yessssss

 

**Ashe:** And sake

 

**Hanzo:** Oh yes baby!

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Hanzo:** What?

**Hanzo:** I really like sake

 

**Ashe:** I GOT PLENTY OF SAKE FOR YOU BROTHER!

**Ashe:** And I also have wine

 

**Widowmaker:** Oh thank the baguettes

**Widowmaker:** I need wine

 

**Reaper:** Where have you been?

 

**Satya:** On vacation with me.

 

**Jack:** I personally do not recall saying this mission was a vacation…

 

**Zarya:** Old age must finally be hitting you, old man.

 

**Jack:** Oh my god…

 

**Orisa:** Has anyone seen Efi?

 

**Jack:** Efi is here???

 

**Efi:** Yo what’s up bitches?

 

**Angela:** Language!!!

 

**Efi:** Oh no the old witch is here…

 

**Angela:** OLD WITCH?????!!!

 

**Fareeha:** Oh no…

 

**Efi:** She’s old, right?

 

**Angela:** I AM ONLY 30

 

**Moira:** **37

 

**Angela:** IT’S STILL IN THE 30S!!!!

 

**Jesse:** Closer to 40…

 

**Angela:** YOU’RE ALMOST 40 TOO!!!!

 

**Ashe:** Damn when did we get so old?

**Ashe:** I just realize I'm 39

 

**Fareeha:** You’re very chipper for 39

 

**Ashe:** Aw thanks!

**Ashe:** I try to stay in shape!

 

**Orisa:** Excuse me, have any of you agents seen Efi?

 

**Jack:** Did you lose her…???

 

**Orisa:** No, we are engaging in an activity where she hides and I must find her.

**Orisa:** And Bastion and I can not find her.

 

**Genji:** Hide and seek??

**Genji:** Are you guys playing hide and seek?

 

**Bastion:** :)

 

**Hana:** That’s cute!

 

**Efi:** You guys should join us!

 

**Jack:** How did you get to Rialto?

 

**Lúcio:** I snuck her in.

 

**Jack:** Is there anyone else that I should know about????

**Jack:** Anyone else that snuck in???

 

**Yuna:** Yo

 

**Seung-Hwa:** Hi

 

**Kyung-Woo:** What’s up?

 

**Jae-Eun:** How are you guys?

 

**Hana:** Yeah I snuck them in

**Hana:** I thought we were going on vacation

 

**Jack:** No we’re on a mission

 

**Jesse:** We are?

 

**Jack:** Oh my god…

 

**Katya:** I guess I should make myself known…

 

**Jack:** …

 

**Sombra:** She needed a vacation so I invited her.

 

**Reaper:** ….

**Reaper:** Are you fucking kidding me, Sombra??

 

**Katya:** I was actually blackmailed again…

 

**Sombra:** See, when you say ‘blackmail’

**Sombra:** You make it sound very bad

 

**Katya:** That’s literally what you did…

 

**Sombra:** Maybe you need to stop assuming that I’m trying to blackmail and I’m just trying to push you to take a vacation?

 

**Widowmaker:** You don’t ‘push’ someone by threatening to expose their secret documents that could ruin her image.

 

**Katya:** Exactly 

 

**Sombra:** See what you guys are doing?

**Sombra:** ‘threatening’

**Sombra:** ‘expose’

**Sombra:** ‘secret’

**Sombra:** ‘ruin’

**Sombra:** You guys are using these words against me.

 

**Katya:** You literally came up to me and told me that if I don’t go on this vacation with you, you will threaten to release photos of my face-to-face interactions with Omnic mercenaries and release documents that prove I have been embezzling money to fund Omnic machinery from the education department.

 

**Zarya:** ….

**Zarya:** WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO????

 

**Sombra:** I feel like you guys always pin me as the bad guy.

 

**Katya:** It’s literally what you did…

 

**Hana:** HEY WELL MAYBE YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SUCH A SKETCHY PERSON???

**Hana:** AND STOP MAKING MY GIRLFRIEND AS A BAD GUY

 

**Brigitte:** Or else I will rally my way into Russia and fuck shit up.

 

**Torbjörn:** What?

 

**Katya:** …

**Katya:** What is wrong with you guys?

 

**Emily:** You don’t hang in the chat enough, huh?

 

**Katya:** Why would I?

 

**Emily:** You are missing quality fuckery.

 

**Roadhog:** Hey, if anyone asks. It was all Junkrat’s fault.

 

**Jack:** Why…?

 

**Roadhog:** You’ll see…

 

**Satya:** @Junkrat Was that really necessary?!

 

**Junkrat:** You guys were in the way!

 

**Widowmaker:** We were in our hotel room???

**Widowmaker:** How in the world were we in the way????

 

**Junkrat:** I can’t control where my Rip-Tire lands!!!

 

**Satya:** Why does it have to be our room of all places????

 

**Jack:** Roadhog…

 

**Roadhog:** I tried to stop him…

 

**Jack:** Why did you bring him??

 

**Roadhog:** He invited himself.

 

**Junkrat:** Yeah! I wanted to go on vacation too!

 

**Jack:** WE AREN’T ON VACATION!!!! WE ARE ON A MISSION!!!

 

**Ana:** no we aren’t

 

**Jack:** YEAH I FUCKING REALIZE!!!

 

**Angela:** Has anyone seen Efi??

 

**Fareeha:** Honey, you need to stop acting like a mother.

 

**Efi:** FUCK OFF OLD HAG! YOU AIN’T MY MOM!!

 

**Lúcio:** you tell her!!!

 

**Lena:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAH 

 

**Emily:** ANGELA IS SO TRIGGERED!!!

 

**Ashe:** Hey come on now

**Ashe:** Young ladies shouldn’t use such coarse language.

 

**Efi:** shut up toy story Jessie reject 

**Efi:** Fuck off

 

**Ashe:** …

**Ashe:** THAT LITTLE RED HAIR BITCH IS NOT A FUCKING REAL COWGIRL AND SHE MAKES ALL COWGIRLS LOOK BAD!!!!

 

**Jesse:** Oh no…

 

**Hanzo:** Go off, sis.

 

**Jesse:** ASHE PLEASE CALM DOWN!

 

**Ashe:** THIS LITTLE LADY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANNERS!!

 

**Angela:** SHE SURE DOES!!

 

**Efi:** Lol get rekt chumps

 

**Lúcio:** GO AFTER EFI AND I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU GUYS!!

 

**Lena:** ME TOO!

 

**Hana:** I WANT TO JOIN!!

 

**Junkrat:** CAN I JOIN??!

 

**Roadhog:** No.

 

**Junkrat:** YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

 

**Satya:** Please stop him…

 

**Roadhog:** I’m trying but my hooks keep missing…

 

**Widowmaker:** Stop missing then.

 

**Roadhog:** I’m trying.

 

**Moira:** DID YOU HAVE TO HOOK ME???

 

**Roadhog:** I’m sorry.

 

**Moira:** Oh

**Moira:** Well, that’s okay then.

 

**Sombra:** JESUS ROADHOG!!

 

**Roadhog:** Sorry!

 

**Hana:** Well...Brigitte is going to be in a worse mood…

 

**Roadhog:** Tell her I’m really sorry…

 

**Brigitte:** WHAT THE FUCK ROADHOG???

**Brigitte:** WATCH YOUR FUCKING HOOK!!!

 

**Roadhog:** Sorry!

 

**Brigitte:** YOU’LL BE SORRY WHEN I SHOVE MY ROCKET FLAIL UP YOUR ASS!!!

 

**Roadhog:** Shove it up Junkrat’s.

 

**Brigitte:** FINE!!

 

**Junkrat:** CAN’T CATCH ME!!

 

**Roadhog:** GET OVER HERE!!

 

**Brigitte:** DIE YOU FUCKER!!!

 

**Sanjay:** What is going on here?

 

**Jack:** I don’t even know anymore...

 

**Winston:** FUCK YOU DOOMFIST!!!!!

**Winston:** I WILL FUCKING PRIMAL RAGE YOU BACK IN PRISON!!!

**Winston:** FUCK YOU!!

 

**Doomfist:** YOU KNEW I WOULD GET MY REVENGE ON YOU, YOU OVERGROWN MONKEY!!

 

**Winston:** I TRUSTED YOU!

 

**Doomfist:** ONLY THROUGH CONFLICT, DO WE EVOLVE!

 

**Winston:** YOU FUCKING THREW ME OUT OF THE BAR!!!!

 

**Doomfist:** THAT’S HOW I FELT WHEN YOU FUCKING PUNCHED ME!!!

 

**Winston:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Doomfist:** NO!

**Doomfist:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Reaper:** Jesus….

 

**Angela:** WHERE ARE YOU EFI??

 

**Roadhog:** JUNKRAT COME OUT!!

 

**Efi:** NO!

 

**Junkrat:** NO WAY!!

**Jack:** Why did Overwatch get recalled?

 

**Winston:** I ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's 50 chapters (finally...). Here's to 50 more chapters of pure fuckery!


	51. Bro-verwatch

**Lúcio:** Hey

 

 **Hana:** Hi

 

 **Lúcio:** Care to explain the man in your room?

 

 **Hana:** No

 

 **Angela:** I’m sorry what

 

 **Fareeha:** Excuse me?

 

 **Brigitte:** Um hello?

 

 **Sombra:** Guys chill

 **Sombra:** It’s good

 **Sombra:** Mind your own business

 

 **Lúcio:** But like…

 **Lúcio:** Why?

 

 **Angela:** Hana, I’m coming up to your room.

 

 **Hana:** I would prefer you didn’t…

 

 **Jack:** What is this about some man in Hana’s room?

 

 **Sombra:** Don’t worry about it

 **Sombra:** Give me like 10 minutes and you guys won’t even need to worry about it.

 

 **Brigitte:** I’M WORRIED ABOUT IT???

 

 **Angela:** Me too

 **Angela:** Hana, are you hiding someone in your room?

 

 **Hana:** Oh so I can have two women in my bed but if I have a fucking man in my room, then wow the world is fucking ending

 **Hana:** Sexists

 

 **Jesse:** Touche

 

 **Genji:** Yeah but it’s still suspicious if Lúcio is concerned

 

 **Lúcio:** I am very concerned!

 

 **Lena:** Oi

 **Lena:** What’s this about a man in Hana’s room?

 

 **Hana:** You guys are making a huge deal out of this.

 

 **Sombra:** A really huge deal…

 

 **Brigitte:** I AM CONCERNED???

 

 **Angela:** Hana, unlock your door.

 

 **Hana:** No

 

 **Sombra:** Please stay out

 

 **Fareeha:** I’ll break it down.

 

 **Sombra:** Okay but I’m actually serious

 **Sombra:** Just trust me

 **Sombra:** He can’t be caught or seen

 

 **Lúcio:** I saw him tho…

 

 **Sombra:** Well forget about it and play with your music

 

 **Jack:** Okay this whole situation is serious and suspicious

 **Jack:** Hana, I demand you to come out and let us see who this man is.

 

 **Hana:** No.

 

 **Sombra:** No.

 

 **Brigitte:** YES???

 

 **Jesse:** We can just break down the door.

 

 **Hana:** Lúcio why do you have to be such a fucking snitch…

 

 **Lúcio:** The only man that should be in your room is me and that’s when we play video games.

 **Lúcio:** I feel very betrayed.

 

 **Satya:** Good.

 

 **Lúcio:** FUCK OFF AND GO SUCK WIDOW’S ASS!

 

 **Satya:** Mature.

 

 **Ana:** We leave on one mission and there’s already a scene on base…

 

 **Hanzo:** Not surprising.

 

 **Mei:** It could be worse

 **Mei:** We could be there.

 

 **Ana:** Ah yes, true

 

 **Hanzo:** Thank god…

 

 **Hammond:** I want to be on base…

 **Hammond:** Mostly bc you fucks are boring

 

 **Mei:** Rude.

 

 **Ana:** Very rude.

 

 **Satya:** Pretty mature from the hamster that’s hanging off the side of the orca and refuses to come inside.

 

 **Hammond:** I don’t like how that pink lady glares at me

 

 **Zarya:** Good.

 

 **Jesse:** So are we going to break down the door or not?

 

 **Hana:** How about…

 **Hana:** Don’t break my door down…

 

 **Lúcio:** HOW ABOUT CONFESSING ME THE TRUTH HANA!

 **Lúcio:** YOU FOUND ANOTHER MAN TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES WITH???

 **Lúcio:** HUH???

 **Lúcio:** I THOUGHT WE WERE SOULMATES FOR LYFE!

 **Lúcio:** AND YOU FOUND SOME OTHER MAN TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES WITH BEHIND MY BACK??

 **Lúcio:** TRAITOR

 

 **Sombra:** bro you good?

 

 **Lúcio:** NO

 

 **Brigitte:** dude chill

 

 **Lúcio:** I FEEL USED!

 

 **Hana:** Bro, you still my bro

 

 **Lúcio:** REALLY BRO??

 **Lúcio:** THEN WHO IS THE MAN IN YOUR ROOM??

 

 **Hana:** Bro, I can’t tell you that

 **Hana:** You gotta trust me bro

 

 **Lúcio:** But I’m hurt bro

 

 **Hana:** Brooo

 **Hana:** You got to trust me

 **Hana:** Trust me bro

 **Hana:** Have I ever hurt you before, bro

 

 **Lúcio:** No, bro

 

 **Hana:** I would never hurt you bro

 **Hana:** You know that bro

 

 **Lúcio:** …

 

 **Hana:** Bro, I love you bro

 

 **Lúcio:** I love you too bro

 

 **Hana:** You trust me, bro?

 

 **Lúcio:** I trust you, bro.

 **Lúcio:** I’m sorry I overreacted bro

 

 **Hana:** It’s okay bro

 

 **Lúcio:** I love you, bro

 

 **Hana:** I love you too, bro.

 

 **Lúcio:** No hetero bro

 

 **Hana:** No hetero bro

 

 **Brigitte:** What the actual fuck?

 

 **Jesse:** They are having a bro moment, let them have some time

 

 **Angela:** what the fuck

 

 **Genji:** Shut up they are having a bro moment

 

 **Fareeha:** And I’m breaking the door down

 

 **Hana:** BROOOOOO!!?!???

 

XXX

 

**Sombra added Jean-Baptiste Augustin to group chat  “OVERWATCH 2.0”.**

 

 **Baptiste:** I apologize for the mess and chaos I have caused. I was only trying to hide from other Talon agents and Sombra and Hana were trying to help me.

 

 **Jesse:** It’s okay. We love you man

 

 **Genji:** You give great hugs.

 

 **Jesse:** Welcome to Overwatch, sir.

 

 **Angela:** We’re sorry for the fight.

 

 **Baptiste:** It’s okay.

 **Baptiste:** But I do appreciate that you guys heard me out.

 

 **Satya:** So, we have a new member in our ranks?

 

 **Ana:** Well welcome.

 

 **Mei:** Hi.

 

 **Hanzo:** Greetings.

 

 **Brigitte:** You’ll meet everyone later

 **Brigitte:** there are a lot of people in this chat.

 **Brigitte:** You’ll meet most of them at dinner.

 

 **Baptiste:** I can’t wait.

 

 **Lúcio:** Alright fuckfaces

 **Lúcio:** Listen up motherfuckers

 **Lúcio:** This my bro

 **Lúcio:** This my brother from another mother

 **Lúcio:** If you fucking mess with him, you fucking get a taste of my fucking fist

 **Lúcio:** He’s a good man and fuck @Talon for hurting his feelings.

 

 **Reaper:** …

 

 **Moira:** …

 

 **Widowmaker:**...

 

 **Sanjay:** ...

 

 **Doomfist:** Bro…

 

 **Baptiste:** Fuck Talon and I hope they rot in hell.

 

 **Doomfist:** Bro…

 **Doomfist:** I thought you were long dead.

 

 **Baptiste:** You’re not my bro

 **Baptiste:** We are not bros anymore.

 

 **Genji:** Top ten anime betrayals.

 

 **Moira:** No, this is top ten broken bro codes

 

 **Widowmaker:** No, he’s the healer Talon needed but lost.

 

 **Moira:** Okay wow….

 

 **Reaper:** Well well well Baptiste…

 **Reaper:** Look who finally decided to show up

 

 **Baptiste:** Hey.

 **Baptiste:** Still pretending that you want to kill Jack?

 

 **Sombra:** Amigo he’s way past that.

 

 **Baptiste:** Oh?

 

 **Sombra:** A lot has happened to Talon since you left.

 

 **Sanjay:** SO SOMBRA??

 **Sanjay:** YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO HIDE HIM AWAY FROM TALON???

 

 **Sombra:** Yep

 **Sombra:** Sup?

 

 **Sanjay:** I’m telling Talon about this…

 

 **Baptiste:** Go ahead.

 **Baptiste:** Tell Talon I’m still around.

 **Baptiste:** I’ll just kill you all.

 **Baptiste:** Just like how you killed innocent civilians and continued this cycle of violence that I rose from.

 

 **Doomfist:** Broooo

 

 **Jack:** I really like this guy.

 

 **Angela:** And he supports too

 **Angela:** And he actually can do damage while healing.

 

 **Fareeha:** His tech is amazing…

 

 **Brigitte:** And his gumbo is fucking amazing.

 

 **Baptiste:** Aw, thank you.

 

 **Hana:** He’s the best thing that happened to Overwatch

 

 **Lúcio:** Man, Talon, you really lost a great healer

 

 **Widowmaker:** Yeah, we realized when we got stuck with Moira.

 

 **Moira:** WHAT DOES BAPTISTE HAVE THAT I DON’T HAVE?

 

 **Doomfist:** Broooooooo

 

 **Baptiste:** Akande, we are not bros anymore.

 **Baptiste:** I’m done with Talon.

 

 **Reaper:** He would have gotten along better with Doomfist than with you, Moira…

 

 **Moira:** Okay fair

 **Moira:** He still hasn’t forgiven me for accidentally turning him into a fish.

 

 **Baptiste:** You turned Akande into a fish?

 

**Sombra:*texts photo***

**Sombra:** Check them out.

 

 **Baptiste:** What in the world…

 

 **Doomfist:** See that bro!?

 **Doomfist:** Look at what I dealt with!

 

 **Baptiste:** Moira…

 

 **Moira:** Yeah yeah I know

 **Moira:** yell at me

 

 **Baptiste:** THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!

 **Baptiste:** LMFAO

 **Baptiste:** YOU’RE SO FUCKING FUNNY AS USUAL!!

 

 **Angela:** What…

 

 **Lúcio:** Bro…

 

 **Hana:** Ugh…

 

 **Jesse:** kjzdflkdhglsdgj

 **Jesse:** WHAT?

 

 **Reaper:** …

 

 **Widowmaker:** I never knew you tolerated Moira…

 

 **Baptiste:** She’s hilarious

 **Baptiste:** Although she has committed very heinous crimes...

 **Baptiste:** Her sense of humor still gets me.

 

 **Moira:** I never knew…

 **Moira:** Baptiste…

 **Moira:** Bro…

 

 **Baptiste:** No.

 

 **Moira:** Okay, I’m sorry.

 

 **Angela:** KJDFSHGLJFHGLDFSJKJL

 **Angela:** BAPTISTE WE NEED TO HAVE A FIRM TALK!!!

 

 **Baptiste:** About what?

 **Baptiste:** Can it wait?

 **Baptiste:** I’m making a huge feast for you all.

 

 **Angela:** Fine…

 

 **Lena:** Oi it smells good!

 

 **Baptiste:** Thank you!

 **Baptiste:** It’s from my grandmother’s recipe.

 

 **Hanzo:** I look forward to meeting you tonight, Baptiste.

 

 **Baptiste:** Same to you, bro.

 **Baptiste:** Jesse a great man and he has told me a lot about you so far.

 

 **Ashe:** Yee haw what’s up everyone?

 **Ashe:** You got a new friend?

 

 **Baptiste:** Hello, Ashe.

 

 **Ashe:** Hey, bro!

 **Ashe:** I knew you would come out sooner or later!

 

 **Jesse:** You know Ashe???

 

 **Baptiste:** I helped her a couple of times.

 

 **Ashe:** He’s my bro

 

 **Doomfist:** What about me, bro?

 

 **Baptiste:** No.

 

 **Lúcio:** Yeah, fuck off.

 **Lúcio:** Leave my bro alone.

 

 **Doomfist:** But...but…

 **Doomfist:** Bro…

 

 **Baptiste:** No.

 

 **Widowmaker:** You broke Doomfist.

 

 **Baptiste:** Good.

 **Baptiste:** Ashe, come over.

 **Baptiste:** I’m making a feast.

 

 **Ashe:** Sure thing sugah!

 **Ashe:** I love your cooking.

 

 **Baptiste:** Moira, come over too!

 

 **Angela:** NO!

 

 **Moira:** I AM COMING!

 

 **Reaper:** Unbelievable…

 

 **Widowmaker:** I don’t care.

  
**Doomfist:** Brooooooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro...Baptiste is here.


	52. Bro-verwatch 2.0 ish

**Doomfist:** @Bapiste

**Doomfist:** I’m here!

**Doomfist:** I got you your favorite pastories that you use to like when you were in Talon!

**Doomfist:** Open the door?

 

**Baptiste:** IT IS 2 IN THE MORNING??

**Baptiste:** WHY ARE YOU HERE AT OVERWATCH??

 

**Doomfist:** I want to rekindle our broship.

 

**Baptiste:** WE ARE NOT BROS ANYMORE, DOOMFUCK!

 

**Doomfist:** Let me in, bro?

**Doomfist:** Pwease?

 

**Baptiste:** NO I AM DONE WITH TALON!

 

**Doomfist:** Pwease bro?

**Doomfist:** The pastries are fresh from the oven.

 

**Baptiste:** WHAT KIND OF BAKERY IS OPEN AT 2AM IN THE MORNING!???

 

**Doomfist:** Don’t question it.

 

**Genji:** I’ll take them if Baptiste doesn’t want them.

 

**Baptiste:** GO AHEAD GENJI!

 

**Doomfist:** THESE AREN’T FOR YOU, GENGU!!

 

**Genji:** JI! IT’S GEN-JI!

 

**Doomfist:** I DON’T FUCKING CARE! THESE PASTRIES ARE FOR BAPTISTE!

**Doomfist:** THEY ARE FOR MY BRO!

 

**Baptiste:** I 

**Baptiste:** AM

**Baptiste:** NOT

**Baptiste:** YOUR

**Baptiste:** BRO!

 

**Doomfist:** WHYYYYYYY???

 

**Baptiste:** I SAID I AM FUCKING DONE WITH TALON, DOOMFUCK!!! I AM SICK OF TALON AND THEIR VIOLENT WAYS!

**Baptiste:** I AM DONE! D-O-N-E! DONE!

 

**Doomfist:** But I brought you pasteries bro!

 

**Lúcio:** YOU AIN’T SPECIAL DOOMFUCK!

 

**Doomfist:** STAY OUT OF THIS, BROTHER STEALER!!

 

**Lúcio:** BAPTISTE, BRO!

**Lúcio:** IS THIS MAN BOTHERING YOU??!

 

**Baptiste:** YES!

 

**Lúcio:** FUCK OFF DOOMFIST!!!

 

**Genji:** Leave the pastries tho

 

**Doomfist:** NEVER! THEY ARE FOR MY BRO!

 

**Lúcio:** HE’S NOT YOUR BRO!

**Lúcio:** HE’S MY BRO!

 

**Baptiste:** YEAH!

 

**Doomfist:** But the pastries are really fresh~

 

**Baptiste:** I DON’T CARE!

**Baptiste:** LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

**Doomfist:** I will stand out here all night if I have to.

 

**Genji:** Okay but can I have one pastry?

 

**Doomfist:** NO, THEY ARE FOR MY BRO!

 

**Baptiste:** WE ARE NOT BROS!!!

 

**Moira:** ARE WE BROS?

 

**Baptiste:** No, we aren’t at that level yet.

 

**Moira:** Oh…

 

**Sombra:** ARE WE BROS???

 

**Baptiste:** FUCK YEAH WE ARE!

 

**Sombra:** FUCK YEAH!

 

**Moira:** What am I then?

 

**Baptiste:** The funniest woman I’ve ever met.

 

**Moira:** That’s….ah

**Moira:** that’s even better

 

**Doomfist:** FUCK OFF MOIRA!!!

**Doomfist:** THAT’S MY BRO!

 

**Moira:** LEAVE BAPTISTE ALONE!!!

 

**Baptiste:** Thank you, Moira. You’re a homie.

 

**Moira:** Does that mean we are bros?

 

**Baptiste:** No.

**Baptiste:** But that’s pretty close to being bro-level with me.

 

**Moira:** ahhhh Okay I’ll take it!!

**Moira:** uwu

 

**Angela:** Ugh

**Angela:** Gross…

 

**Moira:** Get over it.

 

**Angela:** No.

 

**Baptiste:** Yo yo doc, show some respect to my homie

 

**Angela:** It’s 2 am and Doomfist keeps banging on the door

**Angela:** And I’m too scared to be pounded by a man with a gauntlet that’s half my size to confront it.

**Angela:** Shit that came out wrong

 

**Genji:** LMFAOOOOO

 

**Baptiste:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Baptiste:** But that also scares me so I feel yah, bro.

 

**Moira:** WHY YOU CALL ANGELA BRO?????

 

**Baptiste:** We really connect with each other and she feels like a bro to me.

 

**Angela:** Baptiste is my bro, bitch. Fuck off my bro.

 

**Baptiste:** Bro~

 

**Doomfist:** What about meeeeee???

 

**Baptiste:** No.

 

**Doomfist:** If it’s the gauntlet, I’ll take it off.

 

**Sombra:** You’re not Doomfist without the gauntlet, Akande.

 

**Doomfist:** I’ll take it off for my bro.

 

**Baptiste:** YOU’RE NOT MY BRO!!!!

 

**Doomfist:** WHYYYY????

**Doomfist:** WE WERE CLOSE BROS!!!

 

**Baptiste:** THAT WAS BEFORE I SAW THE REAL YOU!!

 

**Doomfist:** I SWEAR THAT’S NOT WHO I AM!

 

**Baptiste:** YET HERE YOU ARE, STILL TRYING TO MAKE TALON WORK!

 

**Sombra:** Emphasize on “trying”

 

**Doomfist:** YOU ARE THE REASON WHY TALON IS THE WAY IT IS, SOMBRA!

 

**Widowmaker:** I beg to differ.

 

**Sombra:** You’re defending me???

 

**Widowmaker:** Odd.

**Widowmaker:** I guess I’m sleep deprived from being woken up at 2am in the morning.

 

**Angela:** The emergency text system isn’t on??

 

**Widowmaker:** Moira woke me up to show me the chat.

 

**Moira:** BUT YOU SEE I AM HOMIES WITH BAPTISTE!!

 

**Widowmaker:** Yes. I do see.

 

**Hana:** Yo, so ya’ll just going to let Doomfist hang outside our door?

 

**Sombra:** If you let him in, he’ll chase after Baptiste.

 

**Baptiste:** PLEASE DON’T LET HIM IN!

 

**Doomfist:** LET ME IN BRO!

 

**Baptiste:** I AM NOT YOUR BRO!!

 

**Lúcio:** LEAVE MY BRO ALONE!

 

**Doomfist:** HE’S NOT YOUR BRO, HE’S MY BRO!!

 

**Hana:** Can’t he like break the door down?

 

**Doomfist:** HEY I RESPECT MY BRO’S SPACE!

**Doomfist:** DESPITE MY REPUTATION, I DO NOT BREAK EVERYTHING IN MY PATH!!!

 

**Baptiste:** SAYS THE MAN THAT IS OUTSIDE THE OVERWATCH BASE WITH FUCKING PASTRIES AT 2AM IN THE MORNING!!!

 

**Doomfist:** It’s for you, bro!

 

**Baptiste:** I AM NOT YOUR BRO!!

 

**Angela:** Hey, how about this?

**Angela:** Let's get down to the root of the problem?

**Angela:** Baptiste, why are you so mad at Doomfist?

 

**Baptiste:** That bastard knows what he did wrong!

 

**Doomfist:** I really don’t…

 

**Baptiste:** Oh really???

**Baptiste:** You don’t remember committing the most atrocious act against our bro-ship???

 

**Doomfist:** Look, I know I’ve done some pretty unethical stuff in Talon.

 

**Widowmaker:** Can’t be worse than mine.

**Widowmaker:** @Moira

 

**Moira:** GET OVER IT!

 

**Widowmaker:** Non.

 

**Doomfist:** But after all this time, I’ve changed.

**Doomfist:** A lot.

 

**Orisa:** …

**Orisa:** If I recall, during the last mission at JunkerTown, you launched me off the side of the cliff.

 

**Doomfist:** How else was I supposed to get you off the payload?

 

**Zenyatta:** Maybe fucking don’t launch my soul sister over the fucking cliff, you fucking monster.

**Zenyatta:** I mean, peace and tranquility ya’ll.

 

**Doomfist:** …

**Doomfist:** Okay then.

 

**Baptiste:** You haven’t changed at all, Akande.

**Baptiste:** You’re still all punch and no talk.

**Baptiste:** Do you ever stop to think or is your head so fucking messed up from all the reckless jumping you do?

 

**Doomfist:** Bro please…

 

**Baptiste:** We are not bros

 

**Angela:** Now now hold up

**Angela:** I am not usually into mending broken talon-overwatch relationships

**Angela:** But I think Akande is being very genuine here and I think he needs to be given some explanation on why you are so angry at him

 

**Sombra:** Well said

**Sombra:** Surely he may have done something bad but all of Talon is changing over time.

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m still purple.

 

**Sombra:** This ain’t about you, go back to sleep.

 

**Widowmaker:** Fine.

 

**Lúcio:** Okay but like, if Akande killed someone close to Baptiste, that’s really fucked up.

 

**Doomfist:** I did no such thing!

 

**Baptiste:** No, it’s even worse.

 

**Hana:** Can you just explain it before the entire Overwatch base wakes up to you two’s soap opera?

 

**Fareeha:** What’s going on?

 

**Hana:** Oh, you’re up.

**Hana:** Welcome to the Bro-Ship Soap Opera where Akande is trying to win back his bro, Baptiste, but Baptiste is hiding the reason why he hates Doomfist so much, which is also getting muddled into his homoerotic thoughts for Akande.

 

**Baptiste:** Wait...that last part isn’t true at all.

 

**Hana:** then stop acting like a tsundere school girl and fucking just tell Akande why you’re so mad at him.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, that’s cute and all but I woke up and didn’t see my wife in bed so I’m getting up to drag her back.

 

**Angela:** 5 more mins pwease?

 

**Fareeha:** Bed. Sleep. Now.

 

**Angela:** At least wait until Baptiste confesses why he hates Akande so much??

 

**Fareeha:** Okay fine.

 

**Baptiste:** FINE!

**Baptiste:** Look, Akande, I’m really beyond pissed at you.

**Baptiste:** Ever since you ate my last slice of pizza all those years ago, I really resented you ever since.

 

**Doomfist:** Oh...that was your pizza…

 

**Fareeha:** Please fucking tell me this is not the reason why this is happening in the chat…

 

**Baptiste:** THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE ATE MY LAST PIZZA SLICE AND I HAVEN’T FORGIVEN HIM SINCE!!!

 

**Hana:** Bro

**Hana:** AKANDE WHAT THE FUCK??

 

**Sombra:** WOW AKANDE YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

**Sombra:** YOU DON’T DO THAT TO A BRO!

 

**Genji:** Fuck

**Genji:** I’m crying

**Genji:** I’m so sorry Baptiste.

 

**Widowmaker:** ...that’s it?

 

**Lúcio:** I’m so sorry, Baptiste

**Lúcio:** I would never eat your last pizza slice.

 

**Moira:** Ouch, my kokoro

**Moira:** This is heartbreaking.

 

**Angela:** Well…

**Angela:** I guess that’s pretty annoying…

 

**Jesse:** BAPTISTE BRO I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!!

 

**Hana:** You’re awake?

 

**Jesse:** For a while now

**Jesse:** I’ve been following along this whole time.

**Jesse:** AND MAN THIS HAS BEEN A HEART WRENCHING STORY!

**Jesse:** AKANDE, FUCKING APOLOGIZE!!

 

**Ashe:** YEAH!!!

**Ashe:** FUCKING APOLOGIZE TO MY BRO!

 

**Doomfist:** I’m sorry.

 

**Hana:** You’re up too, Ashe??

 

**Ashe:** Sleep is for the weak.

 

**Angela:** Sleep is important.

 

**Fareeha:** Says you of all people…

 

**Angela:** Okay okay I am going to bed

 

**Jesse:** Wait stay for the conclusion!

**Jesse:** What will happen between Akande and Baptiste?

 

**Doomfist:** I apologize profusely, Baptiste. I really do.

 

**Baptiste:** It’s too late to apologize, Akande. 

**Baptiste:** We are not bros anymore.

 

**Ashe:** Ouch.

 

**Jesse:** Oof, sorry Doomfist

 

**Doomfist:** Okay, I understand why the bro-code was violated.

**Doomfist:** I will take my leave.

 

**Genji:** Leave the pastries?

 

**Doomfist:** No.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Baptiste and Doomfist:**

 

**Baptiste:** Hey, you still around?

 

**Doomfist:** Yes?!

 

**Baptiste:** You know what? I appreciate you apologizing but what you did still hurts me. It’s going to take time for me to get over it.

 

**Doomfist:** I understand.

 

**Baptiste:** But...if you leave a pastry behind, I might be willing to forgive you a bit.

 

**Doomfist:** Really???

 

**Baptiste:** Yeah sure, whatever.

 

**Doomfist:** Okay, I’ll go do that right now!

 

**Baptiste:** Thanks.

 

**Doomfist:** Bro…?

 

**Baptiste:** No.

 

**Doomfist:** Okay, I’m sorry.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still in a bro mood, bro.


	53. 20XX: Mother Knows Best

**_In group chat “BAMF”:_ **

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Guess what time it is!? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It’s hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ No, I’m serious. Guess what time it is. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ It’s 6:29pm _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Actually, it’s 6:30pm on my phone. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Does it really matter, Genji? _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Yes. _

 

 ** _Ashe:_** _NOOON!_

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Wow, you actually had my back? _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ It’s a force of habit. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Yes, it’s 6:30 pm _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ On a Friday _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You know what other kids my age do on a Friday at 6:30 pm? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Holding a gun and learning to shoot it at assholes that came after poor innocent me. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Coming to terms with my parent’s death and started hitting the medical books. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Trying to cause trouble so that my parents actually showed that they even cared for me. _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I really fucking hate them. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Hanging out with my brother, not knowing that a few years later, he would fucking murder me.  _

**_Genji:_ ** _ And now I have a body that is neither human nor robot thanks to Naruto lady and Angela. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ … _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Um… _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ You know what? _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ My problem doesn’t seem so bad now… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ What’s wrong? _

**_Angela:_ ** _ Are you in trouble? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Do I need to bury a body for you? _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I’ll do it. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Your big bro got your back! _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Or do we need to murder someone? _

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I’m down to do that. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Hope it’s my brother. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Can you not, Genji…?? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ No, not that at all. _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Mom forgot to pick me up from school again. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Big oof. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Where’s your dad? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ He’s on a business trip. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Well, I’ll go steal Jack’s car and we’ll come to pick you up! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ This is the third time in two weeks… _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Yeeeaaaah it’s annoying but I'm used to it. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ …. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Don’t worry, big bro will take you out on a wild trip to make up for it. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ YAAAY!! _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ I’m coming. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Well fuck you, I’m coming anyways _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ No, this is Jesse and Fareeha time. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ And Ashe _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ THE KID WANTS ME TO COME SO I AM COMING! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Take me with you. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m bored and sad. _

 

**_Ashe:_ ** _ Fine you can come. _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ YAAYYY _

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Are you coming, Angela? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I’ll come later, okay? _

 

**_Fareeha:_ ** _ Okay! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ WOOOO PARTY TIIIIME!! _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_In group chat “Overwatch Message Board”:_ **

 

 ** _Angela:_** _@Ana Yo, where’s your coward bitchass at?_

**_Angela:_ ** _ Come on out, I just want to talk, yah mean? _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ My my…. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ JESUS HAHAHAHAHAH _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Goodness… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ The fuck? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ LMFAO _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Excuse me? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Guess what time it is? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Around 6:30? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ And?? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I’m on my way home from a mission. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Annndd?? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ ??? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Did you know your husband is on a business trip? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Yeah I know. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Wait... _

**_Ana:_ ** _ How do you know that?? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE YOU’RE FORGETTING??? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ … _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Angela, I’m really confused. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ DID YOU FORGET YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED FAREEHA?????!!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Yes, I know I have a daughter named Fareeha. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Oh… _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Oh shit… _

**_Ana:_ ** _ What time does her school get out? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHH _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Not now. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Buzzkill… _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Noon. _

**_Genji:_ ** _ 12:00 _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ AYYYYE MY BROOO!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Oh fuck… _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Shit… _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Fuck fuck fuck…. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ You forget your own daughter again? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ YEAH JACK AND I FUCKING FORGOT TO PICK HER UP FROM SCHOOL!! _

**_Ana:_ ** _ YOU’RE NOT HELPING! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ It happens. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ NOT FUCKING 5 TIMES EACH MONTH!!!! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Big oof… _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Daaaaamn _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ I’m sad. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Is she mad? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Not really. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ She said she’s used to it. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Oh, that’s good. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ NO IT’S NOT!!! _

**_Angela:_ ** _ YOU DAMN WELL KNOW THAT’S NOT GOOD! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ You’re right. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Aw shit _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I really messed up this time huh…. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Ayup. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Yeah. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Hmm hmmmmmmm _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Lol yah _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Hahahahaha, yeah. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ You guys are not helpful… _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ We didn’t forget to pick up our kids. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ YOU don’t have kids. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Exactly. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ The point is! _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I highly doubt Fareeha is okay with this, even if she says she’s used to it. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ You really need to make it up to her, Ana. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I know I’m not a mother and I’m only 17  _

**_Angela:_ ** _ But even I can see that it does hurt Fareeha that you were there for her _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ You’re right Angela. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I have no excuse _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ You were on a mission. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ THAT YOU DRAGGED ME ALONG FOR!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ I had to make sure Jack didn’t fucking kamikaze off the map. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ I would have been fine. _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ OHHHH?? REALLLYYYY??? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ I’m fine. _

**_Jack:_ ** _ Whatever stuff they pumped into me has to be good for something. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Not for running off the cliff. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ That was one time! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Regardless, Fareeha is going to be spending time with Jesse, Genji, Ashe, and I and you are more than welcome to come along and spend time with your own daughter. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Aw noo…. _

**_Jesse:_ ** _ I was going to teach Fareeha how to shoot my gun… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Please don’t… _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Why would you teach my daughter something like that? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Bc you didn’t pick her up from school. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ dkfjlkjgdfskjfgl _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Okay, you have a point… _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Please come. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I can’t guarantee that Fareeha won’t get hurt. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ And Ashe is coming too so…. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Why don’t I treat you all for dinner? _

**_Ana:_ ** _ How about that? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ FUCK YEAH CAPTAIN!!! _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ Thank you. I would like that. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ That sounds great. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Great. _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ Nice! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Alright, let's go. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ The invitation was only for the kids… _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Hahaha! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ You’re not part of the kids…. _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ Oh… _

**_Moira:_ ** _ Sorry… _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ HAHA! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** ...

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ JESSE DID YOU TAKE MY CAR AGAIN!!!??? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ AAAAYYYUUUUP!! _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ WELL GIVE ME MY CAR BACK!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ NOOOPE!! _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ HAHA!! _

 

 ** _Ana_** **:** _Angela just took your car._

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ Oh come on! _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Sorry Rein, I have to use your car. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ My car isn’t working. _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ Oh that’s fine. _

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ Wait I don’t have a car… _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Well, I’m borrowing someone’s car! _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ HEY THAT’S MY CAR!! _

 

_ XXX _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ What the fuck happened? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ ? _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _? _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ ? _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ ? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ I had my reasons, Angela. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ I go to the bathroom for 5 minutes and the restaurant was turned upside down. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Look...Ashe and I didn’t think Genji was a lightweight…. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ That doesn’t explain the needle in his head. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ He’s just asleep, he’s fine. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WHY WAS HE DRUNK IN THE FIRST PLACE?? _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ WE DIDN’T KNOW THE DRINK WE ORDERED FOR HIM WAS ALCOHOLIC!! _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WELL HE’S FUCKING DEAD!!! _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ He’s asleep.  _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I just sleep darted him. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ WELL WHERE ARE YOU AND FAREEHA???? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Girl, don’t worry about it. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ It doesn’t explain why you were carrying her out during the chaos. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ DID YOU HIT YOUR OWN DAUGHTER TOO????? _

 

**_Jack:_ ** _ oooooo _

 

**_Gabe:_ ** _ oooooo _

 

**_Moira:_ ** _ oooooo _

 

**_Reinhardt:_ ** _ OOOOOOOOOO _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ It was an accident and she’s just asleep.  _

**_Ana:_ ** _ It was nice hanging out with you guys but I’m going to tuck my daughter to bed. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ What are we suppose to do with Genji? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Idk, leave him. _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Okay. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ JESSE GET BACK HERE AND HELP ASHE AND ME!! _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ How about no? _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ HOW ABOUT YES???? _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Just leave him _

**_Ana:_ ** _ He’ll wake up on his own. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Oh my god… _

**_Angela:_ ** _ I don’t know if this makes up for Fareeha. _

**_Angela:_ ** _ She might be really mad at you when she wakes up. _

 

**_Ana:_ ** _ Look, she’s fine. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I’ll go take her out tomorrow for a mother and daughter outing and it’ll be peachy. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ I promise. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Like the worse thing I can do for her is fake my death, which I’ll never do. _

**_Ana:_ ** _ Don’t worry, I’ll do better to be a better mother for Fareeha. _

 

**_Angela:_ ** _ Well...if you say so. _

 

**_Genji:_ ** _ ADSHKGAHDLFKGHSCJHFGHDKLJLHGKHSELKRHGILUHEIGDUHDSLKHG _

 

**_Jesse:_ ** _ Oh he’s up. cool _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 years later....


	54. Where’s my Meka?!

**Hana:** I have an important question.

 

**Genji:** Is it more important than the fact that Satya’s dumb cat tore my leg off?

 

**Brigitte:** Cat!?

 

**Satya:** 1st of all, his name is Rajah and he is a tiger.

**Satya:** 2nd, I warned you to not wave your foot around his mouth.

**Satya:** 3rd, if he gets sick from accidentally swallowing a part of you, I will hold you responsible.

 

**Genji:** I’m fine, thanks for asking.

 

**Satya:** That has gain no concern from me.

 

**Lúcio:** ThAt HaS gAiN nO cOnCeRn FrOm Me.

 

**Satya:** Mature.

 

**Lúcio:** I try.

 

**Hana:** Has anyone seen my Meka?

 

**Jesse:** It’s been a while since we saw Lúcio and Satya fight.

 

**Lúcio:** I have better things to do with my time.

 

**Satya:** I’m honored that I was even worth a bit of your time.

 

**Lúcio:** Don’t be, you’re a waste of my time.

 

**Lena:** You seem to be lacking in oof, Lúcio

**Lena:** You use to be pretty harsh to Satya.

 

**Lúcio:** I just lost interest in even talking to Satya.

 

**Satya:** Thank god.

 

**Angela:** Oof?

 

**Lena:** Yah know, oof

**Lena:** Like “Oof, big mood.”

 

**Genji:** I never heard of that…

 

**Jesse:** You heard me say that before…

 

**Genji:** You know I never pay attention to you.

 

**Jesse:** WOW...

 

**Emily:** Bc you can’t hear through that metal mask, ninja boy?

 

**Genji:** You’re still around?

 

**Emily:** I have a life outside of this chat, unlike you guys.

 

**Lúcio:** Oooof, she has a point.

 

**Hana:** Has anyone seen my Meka? 

**Hana:** You know? 

**Hana:** My Tokki?

 

**Jesse:** Emily, we have a life outside of this chat.

 

**Angela:** If drinking booze and jerking yourself off bc you pissed Hanzo off by accidentally breaking his bow is “life outside of this chat” then yeah.

 

**Jesse:** I don’t want to hear this from the woman that has been sleeping in the medical bay with only a blanket and a pillow for the past week bc she forgot dinner with her father-in-law and her wife.

 

**Genji:** Is that why Fareeha and Hanzo has been so grumpy lately??

**Genji:** Bc it’s bringing down my vibe.

 

**Fareeha:** No shit, genius.

 

**Hanzo:** Wow, Genji. You said something smart.

 

**Genji:** Thank you.

 

**Emily:** Oooo, the first marriage fight?

 

**Angela:** We’re not fighting.

 

**Fareeha:** Yeah, we are.

 

**Angela:** Fareeha, I told you that I’m very sorry for missing dinner with you and Sam.

 

**Ana:** oooooo Angela is in trouble!!

 

**Fareeha:** You’re not helpful, mother.

 

**Hana:** Like

**Hana:** Did anyone see my Meka in the garage or something?

 

**Sombra:** Hey guys! We have a really big problem here!

 

**Hana:** Yes, thank you babe!

 

**Sombra:** Sam still doesn’t know Ana is alive?

 

**Genji:** He still doesn’t know?

 

**Jesse:** I’m impressed.

 

**Ana:** And we will keep it like that

 

**Fareeha:** Not helpful, mother.

 

**Angela:** No, let’s talk about your shitty mother still faking her death for her ex-husband

 

**Ana:** Hey, I’m not the one who missed the dinner.

 

**Hana:** HAS ANYONE SEEN MY MEKA???

**Hana:** I KINDA NEED IT FOR A COMPETITION!!

**Hana:** YOU CAN’T MISS IT, IT HAS CAT EARS ON IT!

 

**Brigitte:** CAT?!

 

**Emily:** Dude, why don’t we just add Sam onto the chat?

 

**Lena:** Gosh you’re so smart!

 

**Sombra:** CHICA I LOVE YOUR THINKING!

 

**Ana:** HOW ABOUT NO!?

 

**Fareeha:** HOW ABOUT YES??

 

**Angela:** YES YES!! BLAME ANA!

 

**Fareeha:** You’re not getting away with missing dinner with my dad.

 

**Angela:** Damn it.

 

**Hanzo:** This Amari family drama is getting quite boring and repetitive.

**Hanzo:** Can you guys understand that you are all at fault?

**Hanzo:** Ana needs to come clean and Fareeha needs to give her mother a second chance. 

 

**Genji:** HEY

**Genji:** AT LEAST FAREEHA DIDN’T FUCKING TRY TO KILL HER MOTHER!

**Genji:** OR ANA TRYING TO KILL HER DAUGHTER!

**Genji:** UNLIKE THIS ASSHOLE OF A BROTHER I KNOW.

 

**Hanzo:** …

 

**Jesse:** If I go beat him up, will you forgive me for accidentally breaking your bow?

 

**Hanzo:** Fine.

 

**Jesse:** Yippeeee

 

**Genji:** WOW BRO WTF????

 

**Hana:** HELLOOOOO??? I AM STILL PART OF THIS TEAM??

**Hana:** WHERE’S MY MEKA??

 

**Emily:** So lets add Sam onto the chat.

 

**Sombra:** WAY AHEAD OF YOU!!

 

**Ana:** Dear god no, please I’ll do anything

 

**Fareeha:** No.

 

**Angela:** Add him.

 

**Fareeha:** I’m still mad at you.

 

**Angela:** I said I sowwy…

 

**Sombra added Sam to group chat “OVERWATCH 2.0”**

 

**Fareeha:** Hello, father of mine!

 

**Sam:** Hello, my little Reeha~

**Sam:** What was I just added into?

 

**Fareeha:** The Overwatch group chat!

 

**Sam:** Oh? Okay.

 

**Angela:** Hello, Sam!

 

**Sam:** You missed dinner, Angela…

**Sam:** I made my special spaghetti just for you.

 

**Angela:** I’m really sorry, Sam. I really am.

 

**Sam:** I worked hours to perfecting my special sauce for it.

 

**Angela:** I understand, I really am sorry.

 

**Sam:** And I made Tiramisu just for you.

 

**Angela:** I really am so sorry.

 

**Jesse:**  Damn, Angela.

**Jesse:** He made a whole dinner just for you.

 

**Fareeha:** YEAH he did.

 

**Angela:** I really am sorry.

**Angela:** I overslept and didn’t hear my alarm.

**Angela:** I was pulling an all nighter.

**Angela:** I was trying to figure out how to amplify stem cell growth and see if I can integrate it with my energy booster to quicken the pace it needs to grow, then see if that will have negative trauma on the blood cells and skin over continuous use.

 

**Jesse:** English, please.

 

**Emily:** She’s just trying to see if she can heal wounds faster.

 

**Jesse:** Oh okay

 

**Sam:** Oh sorry, Angela.

**Sam:** I forget that your job requires so much out of you.

**Sam:** I apologize, I’m just being a bother.

 

**Angela:** No, I’m sorry!

**Angela:** I didn’t prioritize my time.

 

**Fareeha:** Look, Dad you don’t need to give into Canadian stereotypes…

**Fareeha:** This dinner was planned for a while and it was known for a while.

 

**Angela:** You’re right. I’m the one who is at fault.

 

**Sam:** No, don’t blame yourself.

**Sam:** I’m sorry for being a nitpicker about it.

 

**Angela:** No, I’m sorry, Sam.

 

**Sam:** No, I’m sorry.

 

**Angela:** No, I’m sorry.

 

**Sam:** No, I am sorry.

 

**Angela:** No no

**Angela:** I’m sorry.

 

**Sam:** Ah, no, Angela. I am sorry.

 

**Angela:** No, Sam, please. I am sorry.

 

**Sam:** No, I am very sorry.

 

**Angela:** No, I am very sorry.

 

**Emily:** So a Canadian and a Swiss woman get into a discussion…

 

**Lena:** LMFAO

 

**Jesse:** Will this even end?

 

**Angela:** But I am sorry.

 

**Sam:** No, I am sorry.

 

**Angela:** No I am sorry.

 

**Sam:** No, I am very sorry

 

**Fareeha:** Okay, stop you two.

**Fareeha:** Lets just plan a new day for dinner.

**Fareeha:** Okay?

 

**Sam:** Yes, of course!

 

**Angela:** Am I forgiven?

 

**Fareeha:** Yes, you are. :)

**Fareeha:** We will have dinner with all of us.

**Fareeha:** Including mom @Ana @Ana @Ana

 

**Sam:** What??

**Sam:** But your mother is dead?

**Sam:** Rip Ana Amari

 

**Fareeha:** MOTHER GET ON YOUR PHONE! @Ana

 

**Angela:** @Ana

 

**Emily:** @Ana

 

**Jesse:** @Ana

 

**Genji:** @Ana

 

**Hana:** I STILL CAN’T FIND MY MEKA!!!

 

**Sombra:** @Ana

 

**Hanzo:** @Ana

 

**Lúcio:** @Ana

 

**Lena:** @Ana

 

**Satya:** @Reinhardt 

 

**Sombra:** SMART SATYA!!!

 

**Reinhardt:** Yes?

**Reinhardt:** You called?

 

**Genji:** I just realized 

**Genji:** Since when have you been able to type normally?

 

**Reinhardt:** I got a huge IPad.

 

**Lúcio:** Apple has been getting obsessive with their products…

 

**Sam:** What does Reinhardt have to do with Ana?

 

**Reinhardt:** …

 

**Lena:** REINHARDT JUST FUCKING BROKE THE IPAD IN HALF WTF !

 

**Fareeha:** Oh my god…

 

**Sam:** Again, what is going on?

 

**Fareeha:** Give me a second.

 

**Jesse:** Alright, place your bets everyone

**Jesse:** $ for Fareeha catching Ana

**Jesse:** % for Ana sleeping Fareeha with her dart.

 

**Genji:** % for 10

 

**Angela:** Don’t bet on this…

 

**Sombra:** $ for 10

 

**Lúcio:** % for 15

 

**Widowmaker:** % for 150

 

**Sombra:** Okay, where did you come from???

 

**Widowmaker:** I like placing bets.

 

**Satya:** She really does.

 

**Hana:** WHERE IS MY SUPER CAT MEKA EVERYONE?????

 

**Sam:** Backtrack!

**Sam:** Is Ana alive?

 

**Jesse:** Bingo.

 

**Angela:** Yes, Sam. She is alive and has been alive for quite a while.

**Angela:** And she’s dating Reinhardt.

 

**Sam:** Oh…

**Sam:** Okay, so what’s the issue?

 

**Fareeha:** WHAT??

 

**Ana:** EXCUSE ME, THAT’S ALL???

 

**Sam:** Hello, Ana.

 

**Ana:** Hi Sam…

 

**Emily:** I’m sorry, you just learned that you ex-wife that you thought was dead is now alive and dating someone else and that’s all you reacted with?

 

**Sam:** I guess I’m a bit shocked but it’s also like her to do that.

**Sam:** I don’t know, it seems normal for her.

 

**Fareeha:** IT’S NOT NORMAL, FATHER!!

**Fareeha:** NO MOTHER JUST FUCKING FAKES HER DEATH AND TAUNTS HER DAUGHTER WITH LETTERS!!

 

**Ana:** I WAS NOT TAUNTING YOU!!

**Ana:** I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF!

 

**Sam:** You really haven’t changed.

 

**Ana:** I...I guess?

 

**Jesse:** So you’re really not surprised?

 

**Sam:** I kinda figured she was alive.

 

**Fareeha:** YOU KNEW??

 

**Sam:** Who else is a sniper, likes the color blue, and wear masks all the time?

**Sam:** When I saw that wanted picture, I assume it was her.

 

**Fareeha:** SO YOU HAD A FEELING MOM WAS ALIVE AND DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME??

 

**Sam:** I’m over her dramatic ass.

 

**Ana:** WOW….

 

**Sam:** I loved you but I’ve moved on.

**Sam:** I don’t have a problem with you dating Reinhardt.

**Sam:** So was that all why I am here?

 

**Sombra:** I guess….

 

**Sam:** Okay, then.

**Sam:** I got to go now but it was nice talking to you guys.

**Sam:** :)

 

**Hana:** Oh I found my Meka, it was in the back. 

 

**Fareeha:** …

 

**Angela: …**

 

**Jesse:** …

 

**Genji:** …

 

**Sombra:** …

 

**Lúcio:** …

 

**Hanzo:** ...

 

**Widowmaker:** So the bet is off?

 

**Jesse:** Yeah…

 

**Genji:** Wow, the Shimada drama is starting to look more fun.

 

**Hanzo:** Drop it.

  
**Hana:** WILL YOU GUYS STOP IGNORING ME???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, aren’t we glad Hana found her Meka? :)


	55. Storm Rising, Falling, Who Cares?

**Jack:** Team, listen up!

 

**Jesse:** No, shut up.

 

**Emily:** Ooooo 

 

**Genji:** Now that’s just plain rude.

 

**Jack:** Are you still mad that I ate your sandwich?

 

**Jesse:** It was my sandwich.

 

**Baptiste:** YOU TELL HIM BRO!

 

**Jack:** I said I was sorry.

**Jack:** I got confused.

 

**Jesse:** YEAH?

**Jesse:** Well, tell that to my stomach!!!

 

**Jack:** Fine.

**Jack:** Jesse’s tummy, stop being a little bitch and go get yourself another sandwich you lazy fuck.

 

**Emily:** LMFAOOO

 

**Genji:** OKAY WOW!

 

**Baptiste:**

 

**Hana:** LSAJDGLKDHFGSKLJG

**Hana:** GRANDPA76 AIN’T TAKING NO SHIT TODAY!!

 

**Jesse:** Oh okay…

**Jesse:** I guess I can go eat Angela’s food.

 

**Angela:** DON’T YOU DARE!

**Angela:** SAM MADE LUNCH SPECIFICALLY FOR ME!!

 

**Jesse:** ALL THE MORE REASON TO EAT IT!

 

**Hana:** GO EAT THAT GRUB, COWBOY!

 

**Angela:** DON’T YOU DARE!

 

**Jesse:** HEADING TO THE KITCHEN!

 

**Hanzo:** Grab me some sake.

 

**Jesse:** GOTCHA DARLING!

 

**Ashe:** HEY HEY HEY!! YOU CAUSING TROUBLE FOR MY SOUL SISTER????

 

**Angela:** HE’S GOING TO EAT THE LUNCH THAT FAREEHA’S FATHER MADE FOR ME!!

 

**Ashe:** AW HELL NAW PARTNER

**Ashe:** THAT’S A FAMILY MAN’S LOVE YOU’RE EATING!!!

**Ashe:** YOU DON’T EAT PAPA’S GRUB IF IT AIN’T FOR YAH, YAH DARN TOOTIN VERMIN!

 

**Hana:** Has Ashe always been able to talk like this?

 

**Fareeha:** Only when she gets very mad.

 

**Emily:** She should do it some more

**Emily:** She’s hilarious.

 

**Lena:** She’s not.

**Lena:** You ever had an angry cowgirl right up in her face when you ate her pudding?

**Lena:** Not that it happened to me…

 

**Ashe:** YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT WAS MY PUDDIN, SISTER!!

 

**Lena:** IT WAS BY ITSELF, I’M SORRY!

 

**Satya:** It’s only 8am in the morning.

**Satya:** What is all the ruckus about?

 

**Lúcio:** Why do you even care?

**Lúcio:** This has nothing to do with you.

 

**Satya:** Maybe I actually have an ounce of care for these agents? 

**Satya:** Huh?

**Satya:** How about that?

 

**Lúcio:** Okay then...

 

**Emily:** Jesus…

**Emily:** Is it opposite day or something?

 

**Genji:** What did Jack and Satya drink to start owning people?

 

**Moira:** Well, get me some of that

**Moira:** I need it.

 

**Hana:** I feel like it has been a while since we saw you on the chat.

 

**Moira:** Yay…

**Moira:** Glad you miss me

 

**Hana:** Oh I don’t miss you

 

**Sombra:** I miss you, Moira.

**Sombra:** We use to have each other.

**Sombra:** And now we’re not.

**Sombra:** I wish you could tell me why.

 

**Lena:** Did you just quote Frozen?

 

**Sombra:** It seems to fit.

**Sombra:** Moira has been holed up in her lab for weeks.

 

**Widowmaker:** Best weeks of my life.

 

**Moira:** Unlike you idiots, some people are scientists and have research to do.

 

**Doomfist:** Watching all the seasons of Naruto back to back is research?

 

**Moira:** HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS??

 

**Doomfist:** YOUR LAB IS RIGHT NEXT TO MY ROOM, GENIUS!

 

**Reaper:** Dear god…

**Reaper:** You torture yourself like that?

 

**Widowmaker:** Go watch Naruto again for a few more weeks.

 

**Emily:** No, that’s just depressing.

 

**Moira:** Naruto is a masterpiece of a series.

 

**Genji:** With poor female development, a toxic fandom, and dumb looking burrito and salad as the sequel.

 

**Lena:** Damn Genji with that clap back!

 

**Moira:** It’s Boruto and Sarada!

**Moira:** And any fandom can be toxic, not just certain ones.

 

**Genji:** There are people that still hate on my precious Sakura-chan and won’t acknowledge that she’s grown from the kid she was to the amazing mother she is.

 

**Moira:** Sakura can go fuck herself.

 

**Genji:** AT LEAST SHE GETS MORE THAN YOU!

 

**Moira:** YOU’RE MATURE!

 

**Genji:** YOU’RE STILL A VERY HORRIBLE PERSON!

 

**Moira:** YEAH I ACCEPTED THAT!

 

**Ana:** For fuck sake, I thought Jack had an announcement?

**Ana:** Why are Moira and Genji having a virgin contest?

 

**Moira:** …

 

**Genji:** ...

 

**Emily:** LKJZSDLGKHLDKFGHKDSHBLKSD

 

**Hana:** KJNZDSLKGHLDKHGLKD

 

**Satya:** That made me chuckle.

 

**Widowmaker:** L.O.L.

 

**Doomfist:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

**Reaper:** She’s not wrong, though.

 

**Sombra:** jbakjdflkdhglkhdflkgaldkhgkl

 

**Jack:** Sorry, I was breaking up Jesse, Angela, Ashe, and Fareeha.

**Jack:** What did I miss?

 

**Hana:** Nothing much to be honest.

 

**Jesse:** Awwww we missed a roast from Ana.

**Jesse:** Shoot.

 

**Ashe:** Stay the fuck away from my soul sister’s food.

 

**Fareeha:** Sometimes I wonder if Angela and I accidentally adopted a dog…

 

**Sombra:** Why?

 

**Fareeha:** She bit Jesse’s ear.

 

**Hana:** Da fak?

 

**Genji:** Okay...

 

**Ashe:** How else was I supposed to hurt him?

 

**Angela:** UM??? BY NOT ALMOST BITING HIS EAR OFF??

 

**Jesse:** We use to do that when we were younger and wrestled with each other.

 

**Ashe:** Sometimes I choke him until he passes out for a few days.

 

**Jesse:** One time I almost accidentally broke all of her fingers on her right hand during an arm wrestling match.

 

**Ashe:** One time I put dynamite under his pillow and lit them up in the middle of the night.

 

**Jesse:** One time we stole a thousand dollars worth jewelry and I ditched her when she got caught.

 

**Ashe:** One time I tried to stab him.

 

**Emily:** No offense but you two singlehandedly make America look bad.

 

**Ashe:** Jokes on you, America already makes itself look bad all the time

 

**Jesse:** We just enforced it.

 

**Lúcio:** That’s just sad.

 

**Satya:** Agreed.

 

**Lúcio:** Don’t agree with me.

**Lúcio:** It makes me feel weird.

 

**Widowmaker:** Hey back off my woman.

 

**Lúcio:** I don’t want your woman.

 

**Widowmaker:** What’s wrong with my woman?

 

**Lúcio:** This is a trick question…

 

**Hana:** Answer it you coward.

 

**Lúcio:** There’s nothing wrong with Satya.

 

**Satya:** Then why do you hate me?

 

**Lúcio:** IT TOOK YOU MONTHS FOR YOU TO ADMIT THAT VISHKAR IS FISHY AND SKETCHY!!

**Lúcio:** I KEPT TELLING YOU IT WAS A BAD COMPANY BUT YOU DIDN’T BELEIVE ME UNTIL SANJAY CRAWLED UP WITH HIS TWINK ASS TO PINE HIS LOVE OVER YOU!! 

 

**Satya:** Why would Sanjay love me?

 

**Lúcio:** Oh my god…

 

**Widowmaker:** Trust me, she will never get it.

 

**Lúcio:** that I can agree on.

 

**Sombra:** Can we go back to roasting Genji and Moira?

**Sombra:** This is boring.

 

**Jack:** I still have an announcement!

**Jack:** Maximilien has been spotted recently and I need a strike team to go after him.

**Jack:** @Angela @Lena @Winston @Genji

**Jack:** I need you four to go on this mission to capture Maximilien again.

 

**Angela:** NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Lena:** Jesus, Angie…

 

**Genji:** Damn…

 

**Angela:** THIS IS GOING TO END UP AS A REPEAT FROM THE LAST TIME WE WERE SENT TO CAPTURE MAXIMILIEN!!!

**Angela:** REMEMBER?? 6 YEARS AGO??

 

**Genji:** I thought it went well.

 

**Angela:** YOU FUCKING STOOD IN FRONT OF A CAR AND FUCKING TOLD ME TO GRAB YOU OUT OF THERE WHEN YOU FUCKING COULD HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!

**Angela:** I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR BC YOU WANTED A NEW INSTAGRAM SELFIE TO POST!!!

 

**Genji:** But I looked so cool.

**Genji:** I got three likes!

 

**Lena:** Dude, I remember that mission!

**Lena:** All Genji did was run off from us and did his own thing.

 

**Jesse:** Isn’t that what he does all the time?

 

**Fareeha:** MAN IT MUST HAVE BEEN NICE TO GO ON OVERWATCH MISSION!

**Fareeha:** SURE WISH I WAS ACCEPTED INTO OVERWATCH THEN!

**Fareeha:** BUT NOOO

**Fareeha:** SOMEONE APPARENTLY WAS TRYING TO KEEP ME FROM OVERWATCH!

**Fareeha:** @ANA

 

**Ana:** I have no idea what you are talking about.

 

**Angela:** Can I go on the mission with Fareeha and replace Genji with her?

 

**Genji:** HEY!!

 

**Jack:** We’re trying to capture Maximilien.

**Jack:** Not alert an entire city with Fareeha’s rocket launchers.

 

**Moira:** @Reaper

**Moira:** Remember Venice?

**Moira:** An entire city woke up to our shenanigans.

 

**Reaper:** No, all I remember was Jesse giving me shit for ‘not going according to plan’.

 

**Jesse:** YOU FUCKING SHOT ANTONIO WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSE TO CAPTURE HIM!!!

 

**Reaper:** Yeah too late.

 

**Jesse:** kajdglhglkhldfk

 

**Jack:** Don’t worry. I made sure to give him a mouthful.

 

**Lena:** For the love of god, never say that again.

 

**Angela:** Please…

 

**Jack:** ???What??

 

**Fareeha:** Can I go on the mission tho?

 

**Genji:** NOOOO HE ASSIGNED ME!!

 

**Jack:** Fareeha, I appreciate the offer but Genji is a lot quieter which is needed for this mission.

 

**Angela:** HE FUCKING SLICED A CAR AND STOOD THERE FOR ME TO GRAB HIM! HE’S OVERDRAMATIC!!

 

**Genji:** But you won’t let me die! Uwu

**Genji:** Bc you’re a nice angel lady~

 

**Angela:** DON’T TEMPT ME!

 

**Doomfist:** If you need something from Max, you can just ask us and we can hook you guys up.

 

**Jack:** …

**Jack:** Oh…

**Jack:** I guess we can do that.

 

**Reaper:** Bold of you to assume he even likes us enough to listen in the first place…

 

**Widowmaker:** I think he hates Sombra the most.

 

**Sombra:** Well he’s a stick in the pants that don’t appreciate a good prank.

 

**Moira:** You turned his safe house into a ball pit when he was trying to escape from death.

**Moira:** As hilarious as it was, he really didn’t appreciate that.

 

**Sombra:** He needs to just fucking lighten up.

 

**Widowmaker:** He’s not a bad individual.

**Widowmaker:** He takes me out to dinner occasionally to reward me for my hard work.

 

**Satya:** Oh that’s sweet of him.

 

**Reaper:** …

**Reaper:** I have a feeling he’s not just trying to reward you…

 

**Widowmaker:** Well, he’s feeding me unlike you guys.

**Widowmaker:** We can’t keep food in the fridge for 1 day…

 

**Angela:** Widowmaker, I think you went on dates with him…

 

**Widowmaker:** No we didn’t. 

 

**Satya:** Surely, he was just appreciating a good working agent.

 

**Widowmaker:** Exactly.

 

**Emily:** Nah, he wants that blueberry bussy if yah know what I mean.

 

**Lena:** jseghlkjhgkls

 

**Lúcio:** kjakfgjakld;jse

 

**Fareeha:** Jesus stop Emily…

 

**Hana:** I LOVE HER!!

 

**Sombra:** HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

 

**Doomfist:** My goodness...

 

**Jesse:** LMFAOOO

 

**Ashe:** lalalalalalalllooooool

 

**Genji:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

**Widowmaker:** ??

 

**Satya:** ???

 

**Winston:** …

**Winston:** This is why I refuse to check this chat.

  
**Hanzo:** Where’s my sake?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry but I get to do stuff like this too! This is silly but I had fun. If you enjoyed it, then I’m glad. 
> 
> I’m sorry....I’ll go back to writing Omegaverse content...
> 
> UPDATE: if you guys really like this, I can add more chapters. Just let me know 
> 
> Go check out Grimlockprime222’s “The Totally Secret Overwatch Communication Channel”
> 
> Tumblr is @kokoro—nerd (two dashes)


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